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I found the error that caused us problems yesterday. It was an error in the htaccess, not in the database (thankfully). As I already warned you, the posts, visitor messages, private messages and points from the last 2 days were lost. We haven't finish working on it, but at least now the forum is functional.

Manga titles : Brothers (ブラザーズ) Original run : 2001 Descriptio n: Chris W atanabe is a high school teacher. When his father remarries, he finds himself with an English step-brother named Wataru. Wataru transfers to Chris' school, and just as the four of them are starting their new life together, their parents die in a plane crash. Now Chris and Wataru are living alone together. The elder is cute and the younger cool; what will their new life hold for them!? Manga-type: Manga Series Written by: YAMAMOTO Kotetsuko Drawn by: YAMAMOTO Kotetsuko Published by: Gentousha Group(s) Scanlating: Forgotten Gem Box, Polaris Status: Completed Completely Scanlated: Yes Completely Translated: Yes Genres: Comedy, Drama, School Life, Shounen Ai, Slice of Life, Yaoi Categories: Megane, Cross-dressing, Older Uke - Younger Seme, Incest Main Characters: Watanabe, Wataru Read Brothers Online Brothers Download Brothers Manga: Volume 1 (Chapters 1-6 + Extra) Volume 2 (Chapters 7-12 + Extra) Download link for non-members For download re-upload requests, post here so the staff notices them. Note: Please only ask for re-upload if none of the download links work after checking ALL the pages of the thread. Thanks! YO Staff

It would be good if you could clear the cache of your browser and flush the DNS in order to make the forum work better. Step 1 - FLUSH YOUR DNS CACHE FOR THOSE WHO USE WINDOWS XP FOR THOSE WHO USE WINDOWS 7 FOR THOSE WHO USE WINDOWS VISTA Step 2 - CLEAR YOUR BROWSER CACHE FOR THOSE WHO USE WINDOWS XP -For Internet Explorer -For Firefox FOR THOSE WHO USE WINDOWS 7 -For Internet Explorer -For Firefox

We are Gorgeous Manga alternative Titles: 華麗なる俺達; Kareinaru Oretachi Year: 2003 Status: Completed Author: Araya Miki Genre: Comedy, Yaoi Summary: We are Gorgeous chapters 1-4 & 6: Although each chapter does have a different plot, they all contain the same basic set up. Melodramatic characters, a ballet that has to do with the theme of the chapter and a lot of humor. We are Gorgeous is about a ballet company called ABC. What's so special about this company? All of their dancers are male. The four chapters each have different story plot having to do with the dancers that are part of ABC. Hold me! My prince chapter 5: One fateful day the school leader Shiro helped out a student, named Azusa, who had twisted his ankle. Leaving before Azusa could get his name it took a long time before he could find him again. Ever since then Azusa has been stuck to Shiro like glue. Although they are going out they have not even kissed yet. Azusa desires to move their relationship forward, but is Shiro willing? Read We are Gorgeous online We are Gorgeous Download We are Gorgeous Manga New Download Link For download reupload requests, please post here so the staff notices them. Note: Please only ask for re-upload if none of the download links work after checking ALL the pages of the thread. Thanks! YO Staff

Finally the new server... So... here is moving give... ^^;;; From the game Messiah's artbook(?)... Trinity... ^^ One of lot naked scene use in Yaoi... ^^;;; Game Nessa no Rakue...

@ Chiakaiyuki : You're pretty also ! @ Amander123 : Pretty haircut. Ok.... I Re-post my face HERE.. Ahaha ! This photo was taking during a party 5 years ago. And like my husband said.... It's so rare that we can take a pic of you... So, be lucky ! Thank for all who posted a comment, before !

I don't know exactly what you don't understand and I'm really awful at explaining things to others but I'm giving it a try. I'll try not to spoil anything for later volumes but if something escapes here or there, I'm sorry. For starters, let's divide the characters in three: - Normal Humans (No powers.) - Kotodama (Humans with the 'Power Of Words' -which is also called Kotodama- who can make things they say out loud happen if there is enough intent and strong feelings. They can only make happen curse-like and destructive things and not good things like curing someone's sickness. Using the power requires a compensation, the Kotodama users will suffer injuries proportional to the degree of power utilized.) - Kami (Non-Humans. Paper dolls created by the Doll Maker, Waki. They look like regular Humans on the outside but they can't feel physical pain, don't possess blood, don't need to eat nor go the bathroom. Their sole purpose for existing is to absorb/heal the injuries of their respective Kotodama/Master. The Kami can't 'die', per see. As they are literally made of paper, they will eventually wear up with time - even if it will take a long, long time for they are incredibly resistant. They will then begin to tear up in pieces and disappear, returning to Hakushi -blank/empty paper- consequentely loosing all their memories.) The Kotodama-Kami pairs are always of the same gender, female-female or male-male. There are two methods of healing injuries between the Kotodama and the Kami: the first is the Kotodama saying something along the lines of "Tranfer injuries," using the Power Of Words and it will be done with; the second is by contact of mucuous membranes. Through the manga there are some badly done translations where they say there is only a need to being in contact or swap corporal fluids. While that is not completely wrong, it's also no entirely accurate. It's needed contact with mucuous membranes -like the nose, the tongue or the anus- for the healing/tranfering of injuries to occur. The intensity of the contact during the healing process is proportional to the severity of the injuries, just as the severity of said injuries is proportional to the intensity of Power utilized. For example, Ouka used Kotodama saying "Tighten Raizou's heart for a second," and her compensation was a tiny cut in her finger, and it would only take a lick to heal, if a Kotodama uses the power to kill a person the wounds received will be practically fatal and it will take intense contact, like sexual intercourse, to have a chance to heal. About the Mitou family, they are very important and influential in the Kotodama World. Mitou Shoui and Mitou Konoha are brothers. Mitou Ouka is a cousin (I don't really remeber so I might be wrong). Shoui is the current head of the family, he is a powerful Kotodama who uses his powers a lot and recurringly. His Kami is Asari, who is very old -he is the first Kami created by Waki (if not the first it's not very far from there) a long time ago. he also served as Shoui's grandfather, Mitou Rikiichi's Kami- so, as I said, he has already absorbed a lot of injuries during all this time and is pretty worn out by now, almost reaching the limit of injuries he can heal before disapearing. Asari can still heal Shoui's light and mild wounds but it gets more and more difficult with the most severe ones. This worries Shoui and he starts not using Asari to heal his wounds anymore, saying that he should be the only one to suffer because he's also the one using Kotodama. Asari doesn't agree with this the least, thinking that because he can't be useful as a Kami to Shoui anymore, then he has no right to stay by his side, being burden to him like this. Running away and hidding at Waki's, Asari insists that Waki should get Shoui another Kami and that he will just return to being Hakushi. Shoui ends up coming for Asari to take him back home with him, he wants Asari to stay by him not as a Kami but because he loves him, so he has not need for him to be absorb his injuries and be hurt, all he wants is for them to stay together. After some more lovers spat and heart warming moments Asari stops being stubborn (Yeah, right, as if) and goes back with Shoui. While teasing him and harassing him, like always. About Raizou and Kon, the first is a normal Human and the other a Kami. Before meeting Rai, Kon didn't even think of himself as a person, only existing to complete the jobs that Waki gives him -healing the injuries of random people, customers. Raizou worries about Kon and protects him of things that are supposedly harmful, which causes Kon to snap and be mad at Raizou, yelling at him that he can't feel pain or be hurt at all because he isn't Human to begin with. These two eventually became a Kotodama-Kami pair, even if only in name, because Rai doesn't have powers. After some beautiful words from Rai (He's just too sweet) and, surpringly, from Kon as well, they get together. Kon learns to value his existence because now he wishes to be with Raizou until he dies. -- It was really hard restraining myself to talk only about the first volume. Now I feel like re-reading ZE all over again for XXX time. *runs to do it*

Since it seems my earlier comment disappeared, I wanted to post again and tell everyone how much I appreciate your taking the time to read Savior. It's been so much fun to write and I am thrilled so many of you enjoyed reading it. I am still offering the full novel for download. Just pm me. ^___^

@yojichan Thanks a lot, your support means a lot to us! No, actually I didn't see your replies on Twitter. I checked all the @Mentions and tried to reply to all of them, but there was no mention from you. I accessed your Twitter page, but your tweets are protected. Yes, we are on the new server now and hopefully we got rid once for all of that annoying 500 Internal Server Error. We still have to work a bit in the htaccess, but that shouldn't cause any downtime. I really hope the forum will work better than before and that our work was worth it. Thank you again, we really appreciate your feedback!

@ hama71, Ueda_Angel, Rei Thank you again for all your support and patience! I'm glad the forum works much better now

On present day Earth, the brotherhood of humans and demons (youkai) has been broken. A corrupt and evil demon, Gyokumen Koushou, is performing experiments that combine human science and youkai magic, causing all demons to go crazy. Now, Genjo Sanzo, a trash-talking Buddist monk, is given a mission: Deliver a sacred scroll, the Maten Scripture, to India. For the journey, he is teamed up with Son Goku, a 500-year-old demon, Sha Gojyo, a red-eyed half demon human, and Cho Hakkai, a school teacher turned demon. Together, the four of them must travel to India, but the road ahead will surely be full of speed bumps, and demon attacks. Genre - Action, Adventure, Comedy, Drama, Fantasy, Historical, Shounen, Supernatural

My mom say all the time that I'm the DR. Doolittle for cats .. :| In reality, I'm a biologist.. So, all animals, I like them !! For now, I have 4 female cats ! All of them have had a hard time before I keep them ! 1.Shelby : She was abused by the children of the owner.. She was so little and his mom didn't wanted that she eats. :| 2. Suki : My mom found her in a theater movie parking. She decided to coming and bring her to my house... She had only 5 weeks and had a open fracture at one of his hind legs... I made bandage and I had to put back his bone at the correctly place.. :F Now... she's my "Sprinter" .. 3. Neko : She lost her mom when she had only two weeks... The veterinarian took care of her and searched at the same time a good owner for her.... 4. Cocotte : I found her by a rainy day.... I was outside for something and saw a little thing who eats the seeds that fell from the bird feeder.. :| She was really wild... It took me 3 weeks for taming her... by her teeth she had around only 2 months... It's my little family !

@Amander123, chiakaiyuki, GPelka, cherryyuri You all look so pretty! From what I saw until now in this thread, there are only very good looking people here in YO. (like yojichan, Hama, Belita, Nezumidoll, last_sky, and other who show their picture in this thread) :hamtaro-005 (8):

Ai Wo Choudai by Kaguyama Kazuho. --

everyone here is so beautiful! Amander: love your hair like that I had my waist lengh hair 'removed' last week http://i1178.photobucket.com/albums/x365/0chiakaiyuki0/0o.jpg

Original name: Doushitemo Furetakunai Author: Yoneda Kou Description: On the first day of Shima's new job he met a man with a hangover in the elevator. That was his first meeting with his new boss, Togawa. Though Togawa seemed rude and cross, Shima was drawn to the kindness beneath his rough facade. Both men harbor a painful past but unlike Togawa, who was open with his feelings, Shima seems unable to move on. Manga-type: Manga Published by: Taiyoh Tosho Group(s) Scanlating: Dangerous Pleasure Status: Complete Completely Scanlated: Yes Completely Translated: Yes Genres: Drama, Romance, Slice of Life, Yaoi Categories: Co-workers; Drama; Angst Main Characters: Togawa Keisuke, Shima Toshiaki Adaptation available: Drama CD Recommendations: Zankoku na Kami ga Shihaisuru, Ore ni Koi Shite Dousunda Related Series: Doushitemo Furetakunai dj - After 9 Hours/After 10 Hours (Spin-Off's) Read Doushitemo Furetakunai Online Doushitemo Furetakunai Download Doushitemo Furetakunai Manga •°Download Doushitemo Furetakunai Manga°• Vol 1 Ch 09 Extra 4S Doushitemo Furetakunai 4S (thanks to sarah3161) For download re-upload requests, post here so the staff notices them. Note: Please only ask for re-upload if none of the download links work after checking ALL the pages of the thread. Thanks! YO Staff

Original name: Endless World Manga ALT. names: エンドレスワールド Written by: Jaryuu Dokuro Drawn by: Jaryuu Dokuro Original run: 2008 Description: Ikki, an optimist who isn't afraid of anything, begins working at a small restaurant when he finds himself charmed by the owner. It's there that he runs into Ryuu, and from Ryuu, he hears Toshimitsu's name, one that's oddly familiar. Neither Ikki nor Ryuu can seem to get away from Toshimitsu, and now their mysterious shared past will lead to an unknown future Manga-type: Manga Published by: Tokyo Mangasha Group(s) Scanlating: Vices and Devices Status: Complete Completely Scanlated: Yes Completely Translated: Yes Genres: Adult, Drama, Mature, Psychological, Slice of Life, Tragedy, Yaoi Categories: Angst; Age-gap; Rape; Love Triangle; Co-workers Main Characters: Ikki, Ryuu, Toshimitsu Read Endless World Online Endless World Download Endless World Manga Mediafire For download re-upload requests, post here so the staff notices them. Note: Please only ask for re-upload if none of the download links work after checking ALL the pages of the thread. Thanks! YO Staff

Title: Golden Bomber Movie - Suri Nokoshi Ta Natsu Synopsis : A movie by Japanese visual kei band Golden Bomber. Two boys go to seaside to spend summer, and they meet some guys and problems start to arrive... Country : Japan Download Golden Bomber Movie - Suri Nokoshi Ta Natsu: Mediafire download links: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 English Subtitles *thanks to tiny-tin and distressedcoma for the subs For download re-upload requests, post here so the staff notices them. Note: Please only ask for re-upload if none of the download links work after checking ALL the pages of the thread. Thanks! YO Staff

Title: Watercolors When a gifted, young artist (Danny) arrives at the opening of his first New York exhibition his erotic paintings trigger memories of his first love (Carter), a troubled athlete whose depression and self-denial led to suicide. Through a series of flashbacks we see Danny and Carter struggle with their mutual attraction. With the encouragement of three strong and very different women, Mrs. Martin, a free-spirited art teacher, his best friend, Andy, a young girl with a severe physical impairment, and Miriam, a recovering alcoholic, Danny learns to use his creativity to transcend his grief. Fifteen years later, Danny is faced with the possibility of losing Allan, his current lover, unless he keeps his promise to never paint the boy again. Download Watercolors Movie (Minus) Watercolors (2008) Download Watercolors (Other link) (but you have to wait for some advertising XD): Watercolors (2008) For download re-upload requests, post here so the staff notices them. Note: Please only ask for re-upload if none of the download links work after checking ALL the pages of the thread. Thanks! YO Staff

We need you but we worry about you more than the forum... I am not the only want who saying this... So, don't come back until you get all your rest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So... go rest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Before you get sick... O.K!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I stood there, gaping. I told myself I wasn’t in any way gay but that slender pale body, with no imperfections, was making me question it over and over again. The boy faced me then, his expression unreadable. “I heard you were coming. I’ve been waiting.”, he said, his voice soft as a smile appeared on his thin lips. I couldn’t find any power in myself to even speak up. “So you are…?”, he asked, his voice barely more than a whisper. “I’m… June… June Harrington”, I managed to say. “June… Nice to meet you June, I am Laurel Ivanovo. You may call me just Laurel, if you want to”, he said, an evident innuendo on the last part. “Laurel…”, I murmured, his name sounding so foreign on my lips. He smiled again. It was such a warm smile. I found myself wanting to bury my whole being in him. Thoroughly shaking these thoughts away, I picked the robe on the bed and pulled it onto him. Laurel looked at me expectantly, as if searching for something, waiting for something. I could clearly see he was anxious. A nice shade of red colored his face. I took a step back, trying to keep my posture. “Young master Laurel, it is a pleasure to meet you. Where am I going to stay?”, I asked, trying my hardest to breathe normally. His smile vanished and his face became pale again. Yet his eyes still bore the same warmness. “You will be staying in the attic, just above my chambers.”, he said, pointing to the door on the far right corner. I nodded and picked my heavy bags, ready to get away from the boy. “I’ll help you.”, he offered. I didn’t complain but after walking only a few steps, Laurel dropped the bag he was trying to carry and fell on his knees. At that moment, the old lady entered the chambers. “Young master! Young master shouldn’t force himself too much! Young master could die!”, the woman cried, her arms flailing around frantically. As he got up, Laurel looked at her with disgust and shoved her aside. “It is none of your concern! Now get out. GET OUT!”, he roared. When the woman was finally gone, Laurel fell to his knees again. I quickly went to his side, trying my best not to rouse his fury onto me. “She seemed such a nice lady… why did you make her go away like that? She was only trying to help you.”, I asked, not quite knowing when had I started to talk. “She is nothing but a hindrance. And she knows very well that she must not get anywhere near my chambers. But forget that for now.”, he said, smiling at me again. There were so many things I wanted to ask him then but couldn’t find a way to do so. “I am sure you have many questions, but those will have to wait for another time. As you can see I cannot help you right now with your bags so if you’ll forgive me I’ll go to sleep now, tomorrow a new day will dawn.”, he answered my unvoiced thoughts. “Oh, and June”, he said, “Happy Birthday.” I slowly nodded and picked my bags, moving at a speedy pace. The place where I was staying looked like it had been recently cleaned. Some missing spots of dust remained here and there. All in all, it was a nice room. All the recent events were spinning in my head, making me dizzy and confused. There was something suspicious about the whole situation, something I couldn’t quite understand yet. When I managed to get things decently settled for the day, I fell onto my bed. A deep dreamless slumber claimed me not very long after.

I woke up to the sound of the alarm clock, with cold perspirations and the same bad feeling. It took me a while before I made myself stand from the bed. After what seemed like an eternity, I picked my phone where it lay and confirmed what I already dreaded: it was my birthday. There was only one thing to look forward to on this particular date. My aunt would come and that alone made the day bearable. Near Aunt Leila, my mother behaved as if she were completely sane. This made my life a whole lot easier, even if for the remaining of a day. I heard the doorbell and felt my heart race. Quickly, I dressed myself and dashed down the stairs, just to find my mother in handcuffs, completely delusional, by the side of a very old looking policeman. It was a wonder how he managed to have enough strength to tame the madwoman. It suddenly kicked in. “What are you doing?”, I asked anxiously. “I’m taking your momma here to jail for physical abuse of a child. This ain’t a place for you. It’s plain wrong what she’s been doing to you, kid. Your auntie, Leila was her name? Yes, she filed a complaint against this missy here, with quite some big evidence. So you see, you’re finally going to be rid of the little devil.”, he explained, his Scottish accent quite pronounced. “I see…” Two other policemen took my delusional mother away. I should have felt sad, I told myself I should, but deep inside I was quite happy about it. I felt a hand on my shoulder then. “I know it may be hard for you, kid, but she’s going to a place where she’ll be treated for what she is, with special attention.”, he tried to comfort me, but his words just made me feel disgusted. “But sir, where am I going to live now? Who’s going to take care of me?”, I asked, feeling a bit lost. “Well, your auntie didn’t sign for your guardianship, I guess she has her own handful to take care of. You’ve been assigned to another family, kid. We’ll take you there as soon as you’ve packed your stuff.” I nodded, taking in as many details as possible before turning to leave. “Oh and do be quick about it. We ain’t got all day, kid!” I didn’t talk back. I couldn’t, I wouldn’t. It was just too much. It was just fantastic too.

@Jenova, I would have picked slow pain lol XD Arts Though I love sciences as well Fur or leather

@ Jenova : Sorry about my answer... I really don't like pain :8onion5: Autumn .... Loves the mixed colors by trees in the forest !! Flowers : Calla lilies or Roses ?!

@Jenova fast death (lol so morbid ) @GPelka chicken gold or silver?

He is amazing - so handsome!!

@ GPelka Did you read it? I like that manga a lot. (: I was just thinking I should tell you to post that picture again 'cause I was just going to answer it yesterday when the forum went down. Momoiro Renai Jijou by Oumi Aco. --

You're welcome!!! I do like first one a lot too... ^^ I know you will like it... ^^ I am glad that you feel this as real gift... ^^

welcome back deaaaaaaaarrr!! i'm going to be off for a hwhile too.. vacation at my relatives too. probably next month i'll be a lot off. i'll miss you aaaaaaaaalllll!! but i'm sure i'll do a lot of effort to get here as much as i can! =]

YO is back again! :hamtaro-005 (12):

@chiakaiyuki Well hello there Another pretty lady in our forum... Thank you for showing us your pic

It's "The Judged" by Akira Honma

*squeal* briiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-chan!!! I wuv your story!!! *.* more more!!!! it's so hawt and soooooo nice! you do have a few grammar and spelling mistakes, but nothing that steals the awesomness of your story! Me wants more!!! :3 it´s amazing brii-chan *hugs*

Title: Renai Kyoutei Nukegake Nashi! - Romance Agreement Don't Steal A March On Me! Author: Kazumi Maki Artist: Sakuragi Yaya Genre: Drama, School Life, Yaoi Warnings: Blackmail Groups scanlating: Memory For You and Peccatore Sanctuary Status: 1 Volume (Complete) Year: 2005 | Download | -- Tha Drama CD can be found here.

Dear Brohne: I don't know where to start. I'm speechless. Your story is so damn good. It's been so long since a story caught me this way. It's extremely well written, so well shaped. I like the 2 voice narrator bec you get to know everything is going on. I love the characters, so well built, their personalities. I fell for Kenta, you know.... I felt everything they felt. The pain, the sadness, the desire, I even cried. And now that there's nothing more to read, I feel like empty, wishing the muses inspire you soon to read more. Just to finish, I leave here 12 thanks for each of the pages I've read. Thank you very much for being so talented and give me so many enterntainment.

Title: Endless World [エンドレスワールド] Mangaka: JARYUU Dokuro Genre: Yaoi, Drama Length: 1 Volume (6 Chapters + Prologue + Epilogue) Scanlator: Vices and Devices Summary: Ikki, an optimist who isn't afraid of anything, begins working at a small restaurant when he finds himself charmed by the owner. It's there that he runs into Ryuu and from Ryuu, he hears Toshimitsu's name, one that's oddly familiar. Neither Ikki nor Ryuu can seem to get away from Toshimitsu and now their mysterious shared past will lead to an unknown future. Download (MediaFire): Part 1 Part 2 DO NOT post in the thread unless it is a download link. Everything else goes to Manga talk. Reupload requests go here. *YO Staff

Kenta This was not even fucking funny. I’d finally managed to get out of the bed after Ryuu had literally tried everything from holding me down to pouting. It wasn’t going to work right now. I wasn’t about to let him ruin his career over something as fucking stupid as me. I was glad I’d thought to take a shower before I woke him up or I’d never have been able to get ready. He was still pouting when I finished making breakfast. Curled up on the couch in front of the giant flat screen, he wouldn’t look at me. The news was on and I was getting sick of hearing the comments about the two of us. There was all kinds of speculation as to what was actually going on in the pictures. One woman saying that it looked like Ryuu was forcing himself on me. I almost snorted at that, as if he could. Sighing, I set the tray on the coffee table and grabbing the remote turned the TV off. “Ryuu , we need to talk about this.” He looked up at me and after a moment leaned forward and jerked the remote out of my hand. “I know how to handle this Kenta. I already talked to Nakamara. I was supposed to do a radio show tomorrow anyway, so we are just going to keep that scheduled. Honestly you are making too big a deal of it. I stepped back pointing at the screen. “How fucking long do you think it will take before they find out who I am?” “You are my bodyguard Kenta, everyone knows that.” The scornful look he tossed my way sent a chill through me, a cold weight settling in my gut. I’d seen that look so often in my life I’d thought I was immune to it, but apparently not from Ryuu. “It’s not that hard to find out who you are. Stop freaking out on me.” “So fucking sorry if I don’t fucking like having my fucking picture all over the fucking news.” “Kenta.” I was surprised at the sharp tone, his eyes more like granite than the soft grey I was used too. “Shut up.” I blinked at him. Why didn’t he get how big a deal this was? I didn’t want to be the one responsible for ruining his career. I also really did not like having pictures of me making out with him being shown on the fucking news. Without saying anything else I turned on my heel, walking back into the kitchen to start cleaning it. I needed something to do with my hands, something to distract me from this whole fucking situation. Fuck him once and now he thinks he can just fucking act like . . . shit . . . he is my boss. Shit. Now I was mad at myself. What the fuck was I doing? Throwing the pan into the sink I stared down at the soapy water. My brain was stuck on last night. I didn’t want it to be a onetime thing. I’d never thought sex could be that . . . satisfying. There had never been any meaning behind it before. Never been anything other than a quick fuck on both sides just for something to do. Both times come to think of it. I’d just done it because it seemed like what I was supposed to do. Neither girl had wanted anything to do with me once I got out of juvie though. Then again juvie had went and totally fucked with my head. Juvie didn’t count. Nothing that happened in juvie counted. Then joining the yakuza and working nights meant meeting girls got a lot fucking harder and if I was honest with myself I never fucking cared. Reiko was the only girl I’d ever met that I honestly liked and I wasn’t the least bit attracted to her. I knew that meeting Ryuu was the best fucking thing that had ever happened to me. Even if it had never gone any further than him being my boss, this job had probably saved my life. Sighing, I slowly started cleaning the pan. Last night had been so good so why was it all going to shit now? I didn’t want to fight with him about this. It felt totally different than any other fights we’d been in and I didn’t like this odd feeling it gave me. This slightly lost, unsure feeling was not something I was used to. I should be used to him being pissed at me, so why did it hurt that he was being like this. It shouldn’t fucking hurt. Taking a deep breath I realized it was me. I was the one pressing the issue. He wasn’t concerned in the least and I was freaking out. Hanging my head I gripped the counter. This relationship stuff was fucking hard. I wasn’t used to having anyone else to worry about, not like this. I jumped, startled as arms wrapped around my waist pulling me back flush against him. A chin rested on my shoulder. “I’m sorry. You just don’t understand, Kenta. I’ve grown up being constantly watched and talked about. I can’t even go shopping without something being mentioned in the tabloids.” He paused and there was a soft sigh, his breath hot on my ear. “I didn’t mean to dismiss your feelings about it, though.”

Kenta Slowly opening my eyes, I blinked a few times. It was bright in the room and I wondered what time it was. I had no idea what time I’d finally went to sleep. Laying awake next to Ryuu the full weight of what we’d done had finally hit me. Even this morning it gave me a jolt to realize it. Rolling over on to my side, I looked at the face that had become so familiar to me. Just looking at him caused this soft ache in my chest that I’d never felt before. Holy fuck, I was screwed in every sense of the word. I’d never thought that I’d end up falling for him as hard as I had. Last night had just proved that when it came to Ryuu I still had a shit load to learn. I raised my head hearing his phone ring. That was the house phone, not his cell which meant it was either his mother or a business call. Slipping out of the bed, being careful not to wake him I trotted down the hall to the office and grabbed it up on the last ring. “Ito residence Arakaki speaking.” I smirked, it had taken me two months to remember how to properly answer the phone. Ryuu had not liked my normal way of answering it. “Kenta. You are there very early are you not?” I blinked a couple of times the smirk fading. Kaori sounded pissed which was highly unusual. Actually, I’d never heard her upset before. “Uh . . . I stayed the night . . .” That now had a totally new meaning. “Oh did you?” Fuck . . . did she know something? That tone was biting. “Do me a favor, boy and go turn the television on.” I felt a soft pain go through me at her suddenly formal manner. What the fuck was going on? “Oh-okay any certain-“ “Just turn it on.” Confused and oddly hurt I walked into the living room and finding the remote turned it to the first news station that came to mind. “Just wait a few minutes. It’ll be on again.” I almost asked what but thought better of it as I watched a report on some political candidate who was running for office again. The scene changed back to the news anchors and they went into the next news item. “Ito Ryuunosuke, heir to CEO Ito Shiori’s UniCom wealth was spotted last night giving a rather personal thank you to his bodyguard backstage at club-“ “Oh fuck.” “Quite right.” I flinched at her sharp tone and watched as several pictures of the two of us were displayed on the screen. It looked . . . bad. Like career ending bad. “I –I better call Nakamara.” The manager probably already knew and would be calling. I glanced around wondering what had happened to my phone last night. It was probably back in the bedroom. Oh fuck. I gulped. “I-Ito-san, Ryuu doesn’t know . . . he’s still asleep.” “He’ll have to get up and deal with this. This is a huge scandal. A huge scandal. His father is furious. I can’t believe you would seduce my son.” I realized with a start that she was crying now. Though I was pretty sure I was the one that got seduced, but no point arguing that. “I trusted you. How could you do this to him Kenta? Don’t you know what this is going to do to his reputation?” “I . . . I’ll go get him up.” “That would be good. Then I want you out of my apartment.” My throat seemed to close up and I had to swallow several times before I could speak. “Hai, of course.” I hung up. This couldn’t be happening. I looked back toward the bedroom. Ryuu was going to completely freak out and if I couldn’t be here . . . fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Ryuu I woke to find Kenta gently shaking me. I blinked a few times looking up at him and stretched wincing slightly. Was going to be a bit sore today. Not that I minded in the least. Smiling up at him I went to pull him down toward me only to have him jerk back. “Ryuu . . . you really need to get out of bed.” Brushing the hair out of my eyes I sat up. Something was completely off with him. He was already dressed. Why was he dressed? We didn’t have anywhere to go today. Why couldn’t he have stayed in bed and cuddled with me? My eyes traveled up the slender toned frame and I stopped startled as I met his eyes. There was a kind of pain there I’d never seen before. Pain and . . . desperation. “Ryuu , there is a huge-huge fucking problem.” I was scrambling out of the bed grabbing up clothes. Anything that could make Kenta panic was definitely cause for panic. “What’s wrong? What happened?” He’d stepped back and was staring down at the floor. I could see the tension in his body, the way his fists were clenched at his side and it scared me. He was upset. Was it about last night? Oh no, no, no. I’d wanted it to be different with him. I didn’t want him to change like Naoki had. “Kenta?” “Your . . . mother called. There are pictures Ryuu . . . fucking pictures of you and me.” “There are all kinds of pictures of me and you. You are in almost every candid shot of me.” He shook his head, a violent movement. “No, from last night in the stairwell.” I suddenly felt like the floor had dropped out from under me. Sinking down I sat on the edge of the bed. If he was this upset that only meant one thing. The press had got hold of the pictures. “Wait, Mother called?” He nodded once. “She told me to turn the TV on. It’s all over the fucking news. I have to leave Ryuu. She doesn’t want me here.” “No.” It came out instantly and much sharper than I’d intended. “You will not leave. This might be their apartment, but they haven’t lived here for years. I live here and if I want you here that is where you will be.” Some of the tension left his shoulders, his hands slowly uncurling. He didn’t want to leave. He’d been upset at the thought of leaving. That knowledge made me giddy. This whole little fracas I could deal with. Him leaving? No. Getting up I walked over to him and gently took his face in my hands, pulling his head up. “Besides how would it look if you were seen leaving my apartment very first thing in the morning?” From the flicker of uncertainty across his eyes, I could tell he hadn’t thought of that. I laughed softly and kissed him. “This is nothing compared to some of the incidents I pulled in high school with Sora. No, this will be forgotten by tomorrow. Though . . . Kenta, I might have to say some things in an interview that will hurt you.” He shook his head, his fingers coming up to grasp my wrists. “You can’t let anyone know about us . . . so lie your fucking ass off, I don’t care.” I leaned forward kissing him again. “Thank you Kenta. For everything. For just being you.” He blinked at me and something dark and unreadable simmered in his eyes for a long moment and then he was stepping back. “You better go get ready.” I raised an eyebrow at him. “I am a rock star. I feel like keeping rock star hours.” With that having been established I tackled him onto the bed. The world could wait. I had one reluctant bodyguard to drive crazy.

Ryuu I lay on my bed my face buried into my pillow. It was still wet with tears but I’d managed to stop crying. Though every time I thought about what I’d said to Kenta, new tears would well up. Why was I so stupid? Now everyone was mad at me, Kenta, Sora, Reiko would be too when she found out how late I’d kept everyone up tonight. I was just so worried. Worried and upset, but that didn’t mean I had to take it out on everyone else. I felt the bed move and heard Kenta sigh. “Ryuu . . .you need to call Sora and at least say you are sorry.” I turned my head so that I was facing away from Kenta. How could I look at him right now? Why was he even bothering to talk to me? I didn’t deserve to have him in my life. Didn’t deserve to have any of this. I bit my lip to keep the sob in as a warm hand stroked my hair. Jerking away I sat up moving to the other side of the bed. “Stop it. Just stop. Why are you so nice to me?” Silence. “I found the article, Ryuu.” I sucked in a startled breath and turned to face him almost scared of what I would see. He held up the magazine before tossing it on the bed. It was open to the page and I flinched looking away. The photo of me was from earlier this year when I’d went to visit my mother in Europe for a week. “I thought I’d thrown it away.” “It was laying on your desk. Is this why you are acting so fucking weird today?” I hung my head, not able to answer him. “Ryuu!” He sighed and I could hear the exasperation in his voice. “You let this kind of shit get to you? Come on! You are smarter than that!” “Did you read it?” Another sigh and I heard the crinkle of pages as he picked the tabloid up. “Ito Ryuunosuke is known for many things, being socially responsible is not one of them. The heir to the Ito fortune was seen out with his bodyguard in Shinnomiya earlier this week. As usual he spent money like there was no tomorrow only stopping at the most expensive shops the area has to offer. No you didn’t, stupid fuckers. Besides we weren’t in Shinnomiya. Can’t even get that right. Fucking idiots.” He paused for a moment. “This is the part I don’t get . . . Ito’s band Bloody Agony has risen quite well in the charts for being a visual kei style band. There are rumors that the band’s popularity has nothing to do with the actual music and more to do with Ito’s antics and playboy status. Another rumor states that Ito has paid certain industry leaders to achieve their current ranking. Is that why you’ve been pushing the practices so hard? You don’t really think people believe this shit do you? Ryuu?” I shrugged not turning to look at him. What if it was true? What if that was the only reason people came to the concerts and bought the CDs? I worked so hard on the music and had even taken composition and music theory classes to improve and still people said shit like this. Though the part about me paying bribes really pissed me off. Where the hell did they get that idea anyway? True I used my parents money to help the band, but only when it came to buying equipment or outfits. I would never use my money or influence to try to make things easier or get us ahead. “Ryuu . . . these people obviously have never heard your music. I know how much time and effort you put into the songs. That is the reason you guys are even on the charts. This is all just bull shit. Fucking bull shit.” I sighed. “I know Kenta . . . but it still bothers me. I’ve had to fight people thinking I’m nothing but a stupid stuck up selfish brat for so long, I’m just tired of it. Why can’t they just judge the band on our music, why does it have to be about me?” “Sorry Ryuu. But honestly today you acted just like a selfish brat and treated your friends like shit.” I lowered my head. It was suddenly hard to breath, a hot ache in my chest. I could barely get the words out. “I know. I know . . .” “Fuck. Don’t start crying Ryuu.” “I’m sorry!” I wiped furiously at the tears that were falling. “I just want this weekend to go well. There are going to be reporters there from several big music magazines and I’m terrified we’ll get a bad review.” I gasped holding my cheek, the sting from the slap shocking me. I stared up at Kenta only to see him glaring at me. “You should be more worried about your friends. You are so concerned about the band but seem to forget that the band is made up of your friends.” I was shaking unable to tear my eyes away from him. He was right. Oh shit, why was I so stupid? I’d completely let that inane article get to me and I’d hurt the very people I should have turned to for support instead. I couldn’t stop the tears any longer, the sobs wracking my body. The next thing I knew I was being gathered up into strong arms. “Ryuu . . . come on . . . this is not like you. Why did that article upset you so much?” Kenta I felt like shit. I shouldn’t have hit him. He was too fragile right now and I’d only made things worse instead of getting my point across. Fuck. He was sobbing so hard I was afraid he was going to pass out from not getting enough air. I rubbed his back trying to get him calmed down. The sobs slowly quieted down until they were just random hiccups. I knew the article was harsh but it wasn’t as bad as some other’s I’d seen that bashed certain celebrities. He finally loosened his grip on my shirt. “It wasn’t just that article. There are lots more like it. The tabloids in Europe are even worse.” He leaned away from me grabbing a tissue and wiping his face. “They call the band a fake and say that I probably lip synch to someone else’s singing. They’ve attacked all the members of the band at various points. Father is suing one of the papers because what they said was so slanderous.” What the hell? No wonder he was so upset. “Well then how do they explain when you screw up? Or what happened that time you almost passed out because you were sick and too stubborn to cancel. That stuff can’t be faked.” “I know, but it’s hard not to be hurt by it.” I kissed his temple. “You are just too thin skinned Ryuu. You’ll never survive in this business if you don’t toughen up a bit.” “I know. Mother said the same. She said she had to deal with all kinds of tabloid rumors when she was a top model. People can be very unkind.” “They can be worse than that. Come on you are exhausted. Let’s go to bed.” “Actually . . . I think I’ll call Sora first.” I nodded and let him up. I had been hoping he was going to say that. While he was on the phone I went to go check on the boys. Akira had apparently fallen off the couch and Hasu had rolled under the coffee table. Sighing I picked up Akira first since I knew he wouldn’t wake up. Damn but the boy was light. I put him in the spare bedroom and went back for Hasu. I finally just picked up the coffee table and moved it. He was a bit heavier than Akira even though they were the same height. “Hey! What are you doing? Put me down.” “Shh! I’m just taking you to bed.” “I can walk you know.” “We are already here.” I set him on the bed and tousled the dark hair. “Get some sleep.” He was already burrowing under the covers next to Akira. Looking at the two of them for a moment I frowned. I knew Ryuu wasn’t intentionally doing it, but he was being too hard on them. Akira’s fingers were raw and Hasu had blisters in his hands. Neither of them had complained though. “Hey Kenta?” I turned back to look at Hasu. He was sitting up in the bed looking at me. The light from the hallway was glowing in his eyes, making them seem even larger than normal. He looked like such a little kid even if he was almost seventeen. “Is Ryuu still mad at us?” “What?” “It’s just . . . he’s been so short with everyone today and I know I’m having a hard time with Cry, but he’s never been this frustrated before.” “It doesn’t have anything to do with you, Hasu.” Walking back over to the bed I tucked the covers around him and then Akira. “Just go to sleep. I’ll get you guys up in time for school.” “Thanks Kenta . . . you’re really nice no matter what anyone says.” I chuckled at the sleepy voice and patted his head. “You’ll learn better.” Turning out the hallway light I went to find Ryuu. He was curled up in the office chair, the phone laying open on the desk. Going over, I shut it and touched his shoulder. He slowly raised his head to look at me a small, pained smile on his lips. “I talked to Sora.” “And.” “He’s still mad at me, but . . . he said he’d be over in the morning.” “It is morning.” “Well . . . around noon anyway.” I shook my head letting out a slow breath. Reaching down I pulled him to his feet. There was no resistance, in fact he was limp and for a second I wondered if I was going to end up carrying everyone to bed. He suddenly threw his arms around me, nuzzling his face against my neck. “I’m really sorry about today Kenta. I didn’t mean to say that stuff.” “It’s done and over Ryuu, just forget about it. Next time shit like this comes up, just say something instead of driving everyone crazy.” “I will. I’m sorry. Umm . . . I think I’m going to cancel the concert tomorrow night.” Grabbing his shoulders I pulled him back so I could look at him. “No, you aren’t. You will talk to your friends first and see what they want to do. It’s their band too Ryuu. Not just yours.” “I just thought that-“ “No. Hasu already thinks you are mad at him. If you cancel now it will look like you don’t have any confidence in their skill. No. You will not cancel the concert.” He looked at me for a moment, the soft grey eyes seeming to pull me deeper and deeper in. “This is why I love you so much Kenta.” He leaned in and kissed me, a soft sweet kiss that left me with a warm tingling sensation. “Let’s go to bed. We’ve got a lot to do in the morning.” “We? What we?”

Ryuu I was beginning to wonder how long it had been since Kenta had been with anyone. He barely lasted two minutes, not near enough time for me to really start enjoying myself. I’d been hoping that with the all the medication he could have gone longer, but apparently not. I gave him a kiss before getting up enjoying the way he responded. My hand was all sticky now and I needed to clean him up too. By the time I got back from the bathroom with a wet cloth he was sound asleep. Well, that had been part of the plan too. At least he was laying in the bed and I didn’t have to try and move him. After cleaning him up, I carefully moved his legs so that he wasn’t hanging over the side of the bed anymore. Pulling back the covers was a bit more of a challenge. Making sure that there was a bottle of water and his next dose of medication on the night stand I slipped off the boxers and crawled into bed. If he thought I was going to sleep in them he needed to think again. I hadn’t even worn clothes when Reiko had stayed over. I definitely was not going to start now, besides that I walked around nude all the time. It was my house, why not? Snuggling up to him I couldn’t help but run my fingers over the soft planes of his chest and stomach. He was so defined and sleek, in fact our body types were very similar. I’d peeked at his chart at the clinic and had been pleasantly surprised that we were within four pounds of being the same weight. Naoki had outweighed me by a good fifty pounds and had used it too. I shook my head. Why the hell would I think about him when I had this gorgeous man lying beside me? I sighed, smiling to myself. Even if he was hurt and in a bad mood I still liked being around him. Just being close to him made me happy. *** “Kenta?” “Hmm?” “Can we go out for dinner tonight?” I looked over at him from where I was laying on my stomach on the couch. He was in the kitchen getting us drinks. We’d been watching movies since he couldn’t really do much else. Though he was starting to get really irritated when I tried to do anything for him. I guess a week of being waited on hand a foot was enough for him. It was cute that it made him uncomfortable, made me want to do it more. “Maybe a movie too. It’ll be a date!” “No.” I rolled my eyes and turned over so I could look at him. “Why not?” “Call Sora if you want to go out.” “He’s helping his grandpa.” “Then call Akira.” “He’s with Reiko.” “Hasu?” “I was wanting to do something with someone my age.” “He’s not that much younger.” Kenta handed me my drink. “He’s sixteen Kenta, he’s a little kid.” “Oh and you are soo fucking much older.” I gave him a look. “Mouth.” “Fu- . . . shi- . . . Ryuu! What the hell! I can’t believe I agreed to this.” “You didn’t, remember. My house my rules.” “Jerk.” “Pay me.” I grinned at him. It was one of my best ideas ever. I got Kenta to quit cussing every other word or he had to kiss me every time he slipped up. Grumbling under his breath he leaned down and gave me a quick kiss. I wasn’t going to make him do it anywhere else but here at the apartment, but hopefully he would start to learn better ways to express himself. “Now about tonight. I was thinking we could go see that new science fiction movie.” “Oh! The one about the space ninja?” “Um, yeah kind of, he’s an assassin who has special mental powers.” “Yeah I remember seeing the preview. The special effects looked pretty good.” “So what do you say to dinner and a movie? You’ve been stuck in the house all week. I thought you’d be more than ready to get out.” He glanced over at me and I felt my heart skip a beat at the sultry look. “I like being here.” My breath seemed to catch in my throat for a moment. He really did like being here, with me? I started to lean toward him, not even realizing I was doing so, but he was still talking. “Your place is a lot bigger than mine. I would have had to fight someone for the bathroom every morning and trying to get laundry done is a bitch anyway. Shit.” I couldn’t help busting out laughing at the look on his face when he realized he’d messed up twice in a row. “You and your stupid rules!” “You like it and you know it.” “Maybe.” Kenta The movie actually turned out to be a lot better than I thought it was going to be. Instead of just a typical action flick there was a bit of a message to it and the ending could be taken a few different ways. I kept Ryuu close beside me as we left the theater. Even though he was wearing a hat and large coat, I didn’t want to risk someone recognizing him. “Where to now?” “Dinner sounds good. What do you feel like?” That smile really could be trouble. A whole fucking lot of trouble-I caught myself and realized he had me censoring myself even in my own thoughts. Bastard. I should be able to talk however I wanted. Though he said I was too smart and could find other ways to express myself. No one had ever accused me of being smart. Lazy, stupid, mean, violent, but not smart. It kind of made me wonder if he was just saying it to get on my good side. I thought for a moment. I knew Ryuu liked foreign food, but I was kind of needing something familiar after staying with him all week. “Okonomiyaki sounds good.” “Oh! I haven’t had that in ages! That does sound good. I know a really good place we can go.” He was already dragging me outside. Dinner turned into a three hour event. He was concentrating so hard as he slid the spatula’s under the batter to try and flip the cakes over without them falling apart. For the third time in a row food splattered everywhere. “Shit Ryuu.” “I know! I know! I haven’t done this in so long!” I could tell he was getting frustrated. Getting up, I stood just behind him and taking his hand with the spatula in it slid it under the remaining cake and with a quick twist of his wrist flipped it over. “Ah! I did it!” He leaned back into me, his eyes sliding up to meet mine. “Thank you.” Nodding I sat back down across from him. “Tired of seeing food get wasted.” He actually blushed at that. Holy hell. I had never once seen Ryuu blush. For any reason. Nothing ever seemed to embarrass the man. Hell he walked around naked in front of everyone like it was the most natural thing in the world. He kissed complete strangers and laughed about it. So why had my comment embarrassed him? “Sorry.” His cheeks were still pink, his eyes on the food as it cooked. God it made me want to kiss him and see what else I could do to make him blush like that. I cleared my throat trying to get my mind on other things. “Its fine. Just takes practice. We’ll take the other’s home. Hasu will eat them no matter how bad they look.” That got a laugh out of him. “He doesn’t like ketchup though.” “Mayonnaise. He eats it straight out of the jar.” “Ew. Is that where it all goes?” “Yeah, caught him doing it the last time he was over.” “That is so gross! I’ll make sure to get extra then.” “You mean I’ll make sure to get extra.” “Well, I’ll put it on the list for you when you get ready to go shopping.” He grinned at me. “There are a few other things I think I might have you get too. Oh this is good! The squid is excellent with it.” ***

Ryuu I’d almost turned my head to look at them, but Kenta’s statement shocked me. Was that why? Was that the real reason he’d turned me down, because he was worried how it would make me look in the media if our relationship was discovered? Didn’t he realize the media already painted me as nothing more than a silly playboy frittering his parent’s wealth away. No one was really shocked by anything I did. He’d never mentioned to me anything about a criminal record and it didn’t really surprise me. That was when it hit me. That was the most I’d ever heard Kenta talk without a single cuss word coming out of his mouth. Actually, that was probably the most I’d ever heard him talk all at once ever. “Are you really that stupid? Maybe Isao is right about you.” I heard Sora sigh. “He’s happiest when you are around Kenta. Even if he knew about all of that, I’m sure he wouldn’t care. He’s not that shallow Kenta.” “I know he’s not. He’s also a whole fucking lot smarter than people give him credit for.” I almost smiled at that. I was going to have to get up. I was beginning to need the bathroom rather urgently. That and for the first time in three days I was starving. I shifted around trying to get the covers off and heard both of them exclaim. “Ryuu!” “You’re awake?” There was a note of panic in Kenta’s voice and I knew he probably wouldn’t have divulged that much if he’d known I was awake. I was glad I had been. It made so much more sense now, why he’d been trying to keep me at bay. It wasn’t that he wasn’t interested; he just didn’t want me hurt. It made me want to pull him close and kiss him till he shoved me away. I grinned at them and sat up, glad when Sora reached down to help me. “Yeah. “ I turned to look at Kenta and gasped. “Kenta! What happened! Your face!” He shifted back out of my reach and I could tell the movement hurt him. I looked to Sora, but he wouldn’t meet my eyes. I glared at each of them. “Someone is going to tell me what happened.” Sora glanced down at Kenta who shook his head. “That would be my fault Ryuu.” Kenta jerked his head up to glare at Sora, but Sora ignored him. I had a sinking feeling in my stomach as I watched them. The two of them had got into a fight? Sora looked fine . . . Kenta looked horrible and I knew he was an excellent fighter. That meant . . . “Your fault how, Sora?” I was afraid of the answer. The look on Sora’s face was the only answer I needed. “Fuck you Sora! Why the hell-forget it I don’t care what reason you thought you had.” Flinging back the covers, I started to get up only to have both of them stop me. “Let go! You want me to piss all over myself?” Sora was the one who helped me up. I shook him off. I wasn’t as dizzy today. The fever was gone and I felt better than I had in weeks. Physically and emotionally. It hurt that Sora and Kenta had fought and that Kenta had been the one to get hurt, but I now knew things I wished I’d known two weeks ago. “Sora will you get me a change of clothes, please. I’m going to take a bath.” Sora nodded and headed for my closet. I laid my hand on Kenta’s shoulder. “I want you to join me. No, hush. It will help.” I lightly touched the side of his face. He was going to have a black eye. “The tub is plenty big enough for the both of us, and besides it’s not like I haven’t seen you naked before.” I thought he was going to come unglued then, his face turning bright red as he sputtered. I just laughed and walked into the bathroom to get the tub started. I really wanted the chance to talk to him, really talk about why he was so scared of this . . . of us. I was already in the tub and was beginning to wonder if he’d blown me off when the door slowly opened. He looked so hesitant and shy. It was almost comical. I’d never seen that look on his face and decided I would love to see it more often. He came and stood beside the tub, not looking at me. Reaching out I brushed my fingers across his. “What are you waiting for? Get in.” He nodded slowly and started getting undressed. I laid my head on the side of the tub watching him. The way the smooth lean muscles flexed as he moved never ceased to amaze me. He was so beautifully built. I sighed as the shirt finally came off, then blinked. Too many bruises. It made my heart hurt to see them. I wondered if his ribs were bothering him again the way he was moving so slowly. It was almost torture watching him. I was already rock hard and he hadn’t even taken his pants off yet. Even bruised and beaten to hell I couldn’t help but want to touch him. Knowing now why he’d said no actually made me want him even more. I wanted to claim this amazing man as mine. Even if I couldn’t do it publically, I wanted to know I could come home and know he was there. Finally! The pants were coming off. Well shit, did he have bruises literally every where? I couldn’t play around like I wanted to with him in such obvious pain. He tried to act like there was nothing wrong, but I could tell he was really hurting from the tightening around his eyes and the way his lips firmed as he eased himself into the tub. I was going to have to have a talk with Sora. It had been a long time since Sora had lost his temper bad enough to hit someone. I wasn’t going to think about the last time. Sora did not hit without good reason and he must have thought he had a good reason to hit Kenta. It still upset me though. Slowly, I moved over to Kenta. He had his head back on the side of the tub, his eyes closed. I glanced up as Sora walked in; he had a bundle of clothes in one hand and an ice pack in the other. He handed me the ice pack and set the clothes on the counter. I shifted closer to Kenta, the water lapping around our chests. I was so happy my parents had bought the huge tub. Lightly touching Kenta’s arm to get his attention I carefully laid the icepack on his eye. I heard him sigh. “Thanks Ryuu.” “Does it still hurt?” “Fuck yeah.” “I want you to stay here tonight.” There was a short silence. “Okay.”

Kenta “Get up. “ The deep rumble startled me awake but it was the fist in my hair that had me on my feet. Oh fuck! Fuck! When had Jiro got here? I had a quick glance at Ryuu asleep on the bed before I was hauled out of the room. I stumbled trying to keep my feet, my hair getting yanked in the process. “Fuck! Let go Jiro!” He didn’t say anything and didn’t let go either. Shit. My stomach suddenly felt like it was trying to crawl out my throat. A pissed off Jiro was the last thing I needed right now. There was a sharp stabbing pain in my side to match the searing pain in my head. He threw me down in the living room and I narrowly missed bashing my head into the coffee table. Scrambling around I got to my feet only to have him backhand me hard enough to send me right back to the floor. I stayed there. There was no rage in his eyes, just a dead calm. I was in some seriously deep shit if that was the case. I looked over realizing Hayate was standing by the front door. He had a busted lip and was trying to stop his nose from bleeding. He glanced at me then looked away. My attention snapped back to Jiro as he spoke. “I am very disappointed in the two of you. Nakamara wants you fired Kenta. Fired and demoted.” I flinched. It was the least I deserved. “I should. I should demote you back down to the most junior rank and let you work your way back up. I really thought better of you Kenta. I didn’t think you would shirk your responsibilities like this. What would have happened if someone had recognized Ryuu? He could have been kidnapped . . . or killed. His parents pay us the protection money for a reason. He’s not just some ditzy singer; he’s the son of Ito Yoshiru and Kaori. The Ito name alone is worth billions of yen. He’s a target for extortionists and paparazzi. What happened last night would have made national news if he’d been recognized. You just better thank whatever god happened to be watching out for him last night that didn’t happen.” I shrank down as he came to stand over me. I knew all this, why was he telling me again? I knew who Ryuu was. Though it was easy to forget when I was with him all the time. “Jiro I-“ “Did I give you permission to speak?” I yelped as the fist slammed into the side of my head knocking me flat. Shit but he hit hard. My ears were ringing. I couldn’t remember Jiro ever being this mad at me. He’d never hit me before. I knew it happened occasionally when the other guys fucked up, but I’d never planned on being one of them. It was getting harder to breathe, the pain radiating around from my side. I’d probably fucked up my ribs again carrying Ryuu last night. Getting hit didn’t help either. “Hayate go get the car, we are leaving. I’ve already got Teito headed over to keep an eye on Ryuu.” The pain was forgotten as I looked up at Jiro. I struggled to get up, using the coffee table as support. “No, I’ll stay. He . . . he needs me.” “He needed you yesterday. No, it’s too late Kenta. You lost your chance. Get up, we are leaving.” He didn’t give me a choice, roughly hauling me to my feet. I swayed for a second, dizzy. The side of my face was numb and throbbing, my ribs aching, but it was the sick hollow feeling eating away at me that was causing the most pain. Jiro was right. I’d lost my chance. Ryuu had been the best thing to ever happen to me and I’d treated him like shit. I’d lied to myself, to him, thinking that it would be best for both of us. Why was I so fucking stupid? Then it hit me. I was scared. Fucking scared shitless. Why would someone like Ryuu want anything to do with someone like me? But even more than that, I was scared of what would happen if it was found out. The media would rip him to shreds for dating an ex con yakuza member, never mind another guy. I couldn’t let that happen. He meant too much to me. “No. I am staying here.” “I don’t want you here.” I turned to see Sora standing in the hall. “I want you to leave. You’ve done enough damage.” I shook my head, wincing. “No, I am staying. I’ll find a way to-“ “I said no.” It only took Sora two long strides to reach me and the next thing I knew I was on the floor by the couch. Holy fuck! I did not need this right now. “Wait! Sora stop!” Hayate was trying to stop him as I used the couch to try and get back up. Maybe I should just stay on the floor. “You don’t understand.” Hayate almost landed on me as Sora shoved him out of the way. “I understand perfectly fine. He’s happy to use Ryuu to get what he wants, just like all those posers and fakes who only want to be his friend because of who he is. I told you if you hurt him, I’d make you regret it.” I was too slow to get out of the way as Sora reached down and yanked me up. He didn’t understand. I already regretted it. “No that’s not-fuck!” I tried to block him but I was in too much pain. He hit as hard as or harder than Jiro and he wasn’t stopping. Hayate finally managed to pry him off me. I ended up half laying on the couch. The only thing I could think was that Ryuu was going to be upset that I was getting blood on the pretty white fabric. I didn’t blame Sora for being mad at me. I was mad at myself, but there wasn’t anything I could do about it now. With a shaking hand I wiped the blood off my chin. I went to push myself up and felt something in my chest give. My vision went dark for a moment as agony ripped through me. I wasn’t sure if I could get up. “Fuck! Kenta are you alright? Sora! You didn’t have to go that far!” Hayate was yelling. “He’s the one that went too far! Making Ryuu think he was interested in him. Leading him on-“ “Enough.” Jiro voice cut through the yelling and I felt a firm hand on my upper arm. It took all myself control not to sob with pain as he pulled me up. “I think your point has been made Sora. You won’t have to worry about Kenta. He won’t be back.” “No, Jiro, no you can’t have someone else watch him.” I tried to shake off Jiro’s hand. I was almost sick with pain, but I couldn’t let them. No one knew Ryuu like I did. Could handle his tantrums, could calm him down when he’d get upset. “Teito doesn’t understand him.” “Oh and you do?” I looked over at Sora and realized my right eye must be swelling shut. I couldn’t really see him. “Yes. I do. I know I fucked up, but just give me another chance.” I tilted my head so I could look up at Jiro. “Please. Please let me stay.” *** Sora glared at me every time he walked into the room. Ryuu had been sleeping for the last couple of hours and it was nearing nine in the evening. Sora was still upset with me. He’d barely let me help when Ryuu had woke earlier to eat and use the bathroom. Not that I was a whole lot of help. I’d wrapped my ribs back up and taken some pain meds, but the dull ache was still there. “Why did you even bother staying?” I didn’t lift my head from where it was resting on my arm. What was I supposed to fucking say? Keeping my eyes on the sleeping man only a few inches from me I knew why I’d stayed. I’d sit here all night watching him again if I had to. “Sora . . . haven’t you considered what would happen if-if the media found out. About me, I mean. If we . . . were together I know it would always have to be a secret. Not just because we are both guys, but . . . I have a criminal record and not just something silly like shoplifting. I went to juvie for assault and battery when I was fourteen. I’m yakuza now. How would that look to the media. I want him to be happy, Sora and I just don’t think he would really be happy with me.”

Kenta I flipped open my phone, trying to juggle it and the box of paperwork Isao had given me to archive. Crazy ass pencil pusher needed to get an assistant and quit asking me to do this shit. “Hey-“ “Kenta? It’s Sora. Have you heard from Ryuu?” Letting the box down I straightened, frowning. “No, not for a few days. Why?” “He’s not answering his phone and I just tried to go check on him and he wasn’t at the apartment.” “When did you see him last?” “Yesterday afternoon. The doorman said he left sometime last night . . . Kenta he never came home.” I nearly dropped the phone. “Wh-what? Ryuu doesn’t just go out, not like that. Fuck.” “Yeah I know. It’s got me really worried. He was acting strange yesterday and honestly I think he was getting sick.” “Ryuu is never sick.” “Yeah I know, so he probably didn’t even realize it. Kenta, you need to find him.” “Yeah.” I felt like someone had taken my guts and twisted them inside out. “Yeah, I’ll uh . . . I’ll call you.” “Thanks Kenta.” I hung up and leaned against the wall behind me. Shaking myself, I took a breath. Where would Ryuu go if he wasn’t feeling good? Shoving off the wall I headed to the front of the office. Isao was at the computer tapping away at that infernal keyboard. “Iesada, I got a problem.” He looked at me over the rim of his glasses. “You are a problem Arakaki. What’s wrong this time?” “Ryuu is missing.” “Oh shit, that is a problem. Aren’t you supposed to be his bodyguard?” “Don’t fucking rub it in! You’ve had me here doing shit for the past two weeks.” “You could have said something.” “Like you’d fucking listen.” He sighed. “You are right. I try my level best to ignore your idiocy at all times. You need help finding him?” “Yeah.” I felt like punching the mouthy shithead but Hayate would kill me. “Give me thirty minutes.” “Okay.” It took fifteen. “One of the guys spotted him about three hours ago at a net café over on the lower south side. He’s not come out yet. Here is the address.” “Awesome!” I snatched up the paper, thanking him on my way out. He might be a mouthy son of a bitch, but he got stuff done. *** The net café was a nice one. All the cubicles looked full. Going to the little food bar I asked the girl making drinks if she’d seen Ryuu. “Oh, how could I forget a hottie like that? Yeah. He’s in A3, but you aren’t supposed to bother-“ I turned and walked off. I had the information I needed. The door was shut, but there was no sound coming from the other side. I went to knock on it and paused suddenly feeling nervous. I hadn’t talked to him in days and hadn’t seen him for even longer. Things had been fucking awkward ever since the day at Jiro’s. He hadn’t even been calling as often as he normally did. I just figured he was pissed at me. Who wouldn’t be? I fucking thrown him across a room then turned him down when he’d asked me out. So now, I wasn’t really sure what to expect. Sliding the door open I scrambled to catch him as he fell backward. “Fuck! Ryuu!” Kneeling down I tried to prop him up. He was sweating like crazy, his shirt soaked and he felt entirely too hot to the touch. Glazed eyes slowly focused on me as he struggled weakly to get up. “Oh hi.” “Ryuu . . . fuck. You are sick. Why the hell aren’t you at home?” “It’s lonely.” It couldn’t possibly have hurt worse if he’d taken a dull knife and stabbed it right through me. If I’d been doing what I was supposed to, doing my fucking job, he wouldn’t be here like this, wouldn’t have been wandering around sick all night. I’d put him in danger by not being there. I was a fucking failure. Not anymore. Not fucking again. Shifting around, I scooped him up. He was lighter. Why the fuck was he lighter? “Excuse me sir?” I looked up to see the lady from earlier looking worried. “Is there something I can help you with.” “Yeah, call me a cab.” She nodded, her eyes never leaving Ryuu. “Right away sir.” I held him against me, feeling him shake every so often. Fuck. I had to get him to a clinic. Nakamara was going to have my balls. Worse than that, he was going to fire me. Setting Ryuu down, I took my jacket off and wrapped it around him before picking him up again. I gasped as there was a sudden sharp pain in my side. Shaking it off, I walked toward the front keeping a tight hold on Ryuu. The cab was just pulling up. I nodded to the girl as she held the door open for me. Ryuu was saying something, but with his face buried against my neck I couldn’t make out what it was. I was starting to sweat just from carrying him he was so hot to the touch. It was scaring me. If his fever was too high it could get dangerous. The ride to the clinic was tense. I played with my phone, dialing Nakamara then shutting it. I finally decided to call Sora. Someone needed to know I’d found him. Sora picked up on the second ring and I could hear a video game going in the background. “Kenta? Turn that down will you, Hasu? Did you find him? Is he alright? Where was he?” “Um. He was at a net café. We are on our way to a clinic. He’s um-he’s really sick.” “Which clinic?” I told him wondering how soon I’d know if I’d lost my job or not. I hadn’t told Nakamara about having Hayate do my job. I’d just thought that giving Ryuu some space would be better. I was lying to myself. I knew I was. Fucking lying. I just couldn’t handle being around him every day. When I was around him all I could think about was . . . things I shouldn’t be thinking about. His safety was my priority. Nothing else. Reaching over I smoothed the sweat soaked hair back from his face. “I’m sorry Ryuu.” Ryuu Light woke me. It was too bright to sleep any longer. I slowly opened my eyes almost dreading what I would see. I had heard voices several times when I’d wake just enough to have someone give me some water. After the second time that had happened, I’d realized I was very sick. It was scary. My body wouldn’t move and for a while I’d nearly panicked trying to get up. Nothing had made sense at that point. The only thing that came through clearly was Kenta’s voice. Knowing that he was there meant I didn’t have to worry. I’d actually slept after that. I wondered if it was morning. The clock said it was two, must be afternoon. Turning my head the other way I blinked seeing Kenta half laying on the bed, one arm stretched out toward me. My heart sped up. How long had he been there? Why was he here? I slowly reached over, running my fingers through the dark strands. Now that I was awake I could remember hearing his voice the whole time since he’d first found me at the net café. I wasn’t really sure how I’d gotten there, that part was kind of a blur. I’d just known that something didn’t feel right. I’d thought that maybe going out would help. Apparently not. He stirred slightly under my fingers and I froze. Would he be mad at me for touching him? I just didn’t know what to do anymore. He was so confusing. Taking my hand out of his hair I laid my head back turning to look out the window again. I should just give up. I wasn’t willing to lose his friendship over this. I could deal with not being closer. I would deal with it. Closing my eyes, I bit down on the urge to cry. I wasn’t going to. He’d just get on to me for it anyway. I nearly jumped feeling warm fingers suddenly surrounding mine. I turned my head, only to smile weakly seeing Sora standing next to the bed. Kenta was still sound asleep. “Hey.” “Hey.” “You look like shit.” “You look like a walking mop, a dirty one.” Sora just chuckled and shook his head, keeping his voice down. “You gave us quite a scare yesterday, Ito.” “Sorry. I knew something didn’t feel right and thought going out would help.” “Why didn’t you call me?” “Because I always call you. It’s not fair to you Sora.” “Bullshit. You could have called this idiot.” Sora glanced down at Kenta. I shook my head. “No, he . . . just no.” “He stayed up all night with you last night. He must have passed out just a few minutes ago. I was just in here thirty minutes ago and he was still awake.” I shifted around to sit up, leaning against the headboard. “Well, it’s his job isn’t it?” Even I heard the bite in my voice and I suddenly felt bad. “Yeah . . . about that. I think Nakamara is going to fire him.” I jerked around to face Sora. “What! No! No, he can’t! I won’t allow it! I-it was my fault. I . . . was too pushy.” A dry laugh escaped me and I dropped my head, plucking at the covers. “If anything he could sue me for sexual harassment.” “I don’t think he would do that Ryuu.” At Sora’s gentle tone I looked up. “He really does like you Ryuu. We . . . talked for a bit last night at the clinic. He’s terrified of getting fired, but he’s more scared of messing things up for you.” I stared at Sora trying to process that information. Kenta and scared didn’t go in the same sentence. I looked back down at the dark head. It was just like Kenta to think of someone else before himself. I just wished he would let me back in. I’d been shoved back outside that barrier and it seemed higher than ever. “I don’t know Sora.” “Just . . . don’t give up Ryuu. If you can’t win, where will I be?” “Jacking off to those photos you sneak when he’s not looking.” Sora’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “If you weren’t sick I’d . . . sometimes I don’t even know why I bother.” “Cause you love me!” I grinned at him as I shifted back down under the covers and rolled over onto my side. I was feeling sleepy again. I curled up around Kenta laying a hand on his. “Besides, it’s what I do. So I know you’d do it too.” “Oh my god, Ryuu . . . you are just . . . never mind. Go back to sleep for a bit. I’ll bring you something to eat here after while.” “Sora.” I waited till he’d turned back around. “Thanks and . . . I will keep trying.”

Kenta “What is wrong with you?” Sora hissed at me. The sound of Ryuu running down the stairs was too loud. I could still hear that choked back sob. Wrapping an arm around my ribs, I dared to glance over at Jiro. Shit. He was pissed at me. That look was fucking scary. “You better go get him.” Isao got up and walked over, placing a hand on Sora’s arm, probably to keep him from hitting me. Hasu was watching all of us, his eyes huge. “Yes I think you better.” I shivered at Jiro’s tone. “I’m sorry. He just-it fucking hurt!” “How was he supposed to know you’ve got busted ribs Kenta?” Isao’s eyes bored into me. “He was happy to see you, quite obviously, and you just treated him like complete shit.” It was like a blow to the gut. I suddenly felt sick. Fuck. I’d just reacted when he’d grabbed me instead of thinking. I was still in fight mode after this morning and had probably hurt Ryuu in more than one way. I could still see the shocked look on his face, the fear in his eyes. Fuck. Taking a shallow breath I managed to stand up straight. Sora looked ready to spit in my face. “I don’t care if you are fucking dying you don’t ever, ever treat him like that. You don’t know . . . you don’t know what you’ve done.” Sora shook off Isao’s hand and grabbed the front of my shirt, yanking me forward. “I might not be yakuza, but I can and I will make you regret ever even thinking about touching him.” I nodded slowly shocked. As long as I’d known Sora I’d never seen the big guy get this angry. He always just seemed like nothing bothered him. It wasn’t like I’d intended to toss Ryuu on his ass. The combination of the pain and still being on a bit of a high from the fight had made me act before I’d even realized it was Ryuu. “It was an accident.” I mumbled. “You fucking threw him on the floor. How is that a fucking accident? He’s too sensitive for you to act like that.” Sora shook me, making me gasp as pain shot through me. “I get it. I get it. I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to. I’ll go talk to him.” Sora shoved me back letting go. His eyes were like jade daggers. “No you won’t. I will go talk to him. I don’t think I want you around him. Fuck! Now I’m going to have to call Nakamara and cancel the radio show. Thanks a fucking lot Arakaki.” I stood there like a fucking idiot as he left. No one was talking but I could feel their eyes on me, making my skin crawl. I wanted to yell at them, to do something to get rid of this horrible pressure in my chest that had nothing to do with the busted ribs. What the fuck had I done? “Kenta, why don’t you go sit in my room for a bit. I’ll be in to talk to you.” I glanced toward Jiro, not daring to meet his eyes. This was bad. No one ever wanted a talk from Jiro. Ever. I nodded slowly, keeping my eyes on the floorboards at my feet. The only sound as I walked down the short hall was my own footsteps. It felt like a death march. I was sore, tired and now . . . depressed. Fuck it all to hell. I closed the door and leaned against it for a moment. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to laugh or cry and wondered if I was delirious from pain and lack of sleep. Walking over to the bed I sat down wincing at the sudden sharp pain in my side. It was a good distraction from thinking about the look on Ryuu’s face. I really had not meant to hurt him. That didn’t change anything though. I had. End of story. I rubbed a hand over my face startled to realize I was trembling. Ryuu was not going to want to get anywhere near me now. That thought had me feeling lost and panicky. Shit, but I’m a fucking idiot. Ryuu I slowly followed Sora back up the stairs. I’d cried for a good thirty minutes but I didn’t feel better. I felt sick and hollow, an ache in my chest that seemed to be sapping all my strength. Sora kept looking back at me but I didn’t bother trying to pretend to smile for him. After he’d explained everything to me, I felt even worse. Kenta was hurt. No wonder he’d reacted like that. It must have been agonizingly painful when I’d grabbed him. It was no wonder he’d thrown me off like that. I shuddered, a rush of apprehension washing over me as Sora let us back into the apartment. I honestly wasn’t sure I could face him. Never once in the whole time he’d been working for me had he ever yelled at me like that. It hurt worse than hitting the floor had. “There you are.” Daisuike’s gentle voice made me look up. His smile was a lot like Akira’s, soft and engaging. He walked over and handed me a Coke which I gratefully took. I glanced up at him as he spoke again. “Ryuu, Kenta is in Jiro’s room. We had . . . some issues at one of the bars last night and he got hurt during the fight. They only just got back about thirty minutes before you guys showed up. I know it’s not an excuse for what he did, but it is a reason.” I nodded, not really trusting my voice at the moment. I took a drink of the Coke, the rush of familiar flavors calming me somewhat. I took a deep slow breath. “I should go apologize for hurting him.” Daisuike chuckled and patted my shoulder. “It’s alright. He’s a tough guy but, maybe not all that tough where you are concerned.” I looked up to see Daisuike watching me a thoughtful look on his face. He patted my shoulder once more and stepped back gesturing for me to follow him. Hesitantly, I followed Daisuike to Jiro’s room. He didn’t even bother knocking on the door, opening it for me. I almost hoped he was going to come in with me, but he shut the door behind me. Kenta was sitting on the bed his head bowed an arm around his ribs. I stood there for several minutes, not even sure what to say. I was appalled that I’d hurt him worse than he’d already been, but he’d also scared the shit out of me. I didn’t care what else happened, if we got things worked out or not, but he was going to a clinic if I had to drag him kicking and screaming. First things first. “Kenta I-“ “Don’t say it Ryuu.” Kenta’s voice was soft, the hurt clear in it. “I don’t deserve to have someone like you in my life. I just such a total fuck up. You need to forget that I am anything but a fucking bodyguard.” It was like having ice cold water dumped over me. I was suddenly numb and shaking. Walking over to him I knelt in front of him, looking up so I could see his eyes. “You’ve never been just a bodyguard to me, Kenta. I am sorry I hurt you.” He finally looked up at me and I was startled to see the raw hurt in his eyes. “What the fuck are you apologizing for? You didn’t do anything wrong. You were just being . . . you. No matter how much pain I was in, I should never have done that to you. Can you forgive me?” I shook my head watching his eyes change slightly, the pain seeming to deepen. He started to open his mouth and I leaned forward kissing him lightly. “I already did. But there is something you can do to make it up to me.” He raised his eyebrows at me. “What?” “Be my boyfriend.”

Kenta “You are in a weirdly good mood tonight.” Hayate raised an eyebrow at me as he took the tub full of dirty dishes out of my hands. “So.” “So, what’s going on?” I realized I was grinning and shook my head. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” His eyebrows almost disappeared under his hair. “Really? That good huh? Must have had a good day off then.” I shrugged and untied my apron. “Yeah. I guess so. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Heading out to the alley I leaned against my bike were it was parked next to the building. Taking out my phone I looked at it. Three text messages. All from Ryuu. Why did I have the feeling that I’d started something that might be more than I could handle? I had to smile seeing them, a soft warmth filling me. Hope you are having a good night at work! I’m at Sora’s so I might still be up when you get off work. Don’t forget to call me! Hitting the speed dial I waited. On the third ring I heard someone pick up. “Hey, it’s me. Just letting you know I’m off work and headed home.” “Oh hey Kenta, its Sora. Ryuu fell asleep about thirty minutes ago.” I was surprised at how disappointed I was. Had I really wanted to talk to him that badly? “Oh, um . . . well let him know I called, will ya.” “Sure thing, and Kenta . . . thanks.” “Huh? Fer what?” “I haven’t seen Ryuu this happy in years.” “Oh. That. Yeah.” “Just . . . don’t hurt him Kenta. I will personally kill you if you do.” From the tone in Sora’s voice I knew the big guy was dead serious. Hurting Ryuu was the furthest thing from my mind. “I’m not that stupid.” A soft chuckle vibrated in my ear. “Be careful going home. I’ll tell him you called.” “Thanks.” I shoved the phone in my pocket and zipped up my jacket. Late summer was giving way to fall pretty quickly and the nights could be chilly. Especially driving a motorcycle. Slipping my helmet on I sighed thinking about what Sora had said. It was my job to protect Ryuu. It was something I’d taken very seriously from the first night I’d started as his personal bodyguard. I’d seen how crazy things could get at a concert. It was no wonder poor Hiro had almost quit after their first tour after Hasu had joined. I couldn’t imagine trying to watch all four of them at once. Heading home I took the route that drove along the sea. It was a beautiful night. It was just a bit on the cool side with no traffic other than delivery trucks and a few idiots racing. I pulled into my neighborhood, it was quiet and someone had busted out the street lights again leaving the run down buildings in darkness. I was going to have to find the fucker who was doing it. They’d regret it once I got hold of them. Parking my bike under the stairs of the apartment building I headed up to the room they actually fucking called an apartment. Ryuu’s closet was bigger. No joke. It didn’t even have a window; they’d taken it out to put in a door. Fucking slum lords. At least the bathroom was free at this hour. Standing under the barely warm water in the tiny bathroom it finally started to sink in. I was fucked. Once Nakamara found out I’d messed around with Ryuu he’d fire me. Leaning forward I rested my head on the tile. What the fuck was I going to do? It wasn’t like I could stop being around Ryuu. It was my fucking job to be around him. But I couldn’t just pretend it hadn’t happened either. Honestly, I would find any excuse I could to be around him. Even if this morning hadn’t happened, I would do anything to be there, to protect him, just watching him if I had to. “Fuck.” I slammed my fist into the wall and after a moment shut the water off. It was cold anyway and was reminding me too much of the shower earlier. God I missed the crazy weirdo. I got dressed quickly, shivering. I had to keep my mind off Ryuu or I wasn’t going to get any sleep and I had to be up again in five hours. You’d think working two jobs I’d be able to make ends meet. Guess it didn’t help that I tended to give my money away to the homeless kids I was always finding in the area. I’d managed to help a few get decent jobs and a couple of them were now working for Jiro. Not that I wanted this kind of life for them. Collapsing on my futon I covered my head with the pillow ordering myself to go to sleep. The sooner I fell asleep the sooner I got to see Ryuu. *** The phone woke me. It was Hayate. “We’ve got a problem.” He sounded like he was barely awake and I could hear his partner, Isao, griping in the background. “What’s going on?” “Fight at the bar.” “Fuck. What time is it?” “Four.” “Fucking hell. I’m gonna kill somebody.” Ryuu I stayed at Sora’s for breakfast, which was fun. He’d told me that Kenta had called around three to say he was going home. I nodded and finished eating the tamago Hasu had made. I didn’t usually like the egg concoction, but something about the way Hasu made it was better than anyone else’s. “He’s supposed to go with me today. I think.” I leaned my head over on my hand, thinking. Was that today? “Yeah, you and I have that radio show today.” “Oh! That’s right! I knew there was something going on today.” I grinned at Sora. “Thanks for letting me crash here last night.” “It’s fine. You haven’t stayed over in a while.” “Well someone needs to chaperon you around Hasu.” Sora reached across the table and smacked me on the forehead making me drop my bite of tamago. “Ouch! What the hell was that for?” “Don’t be a jerk.” I looked at him and realized my comment had been rather insensitive. He would never do anything to hurt Hasu, ever. “Sorry.” “Just cause you are getting some doesn’t mean you need to rub it in my face.” “I said I was sorry, besides . . .” I looked down at my plate shifting around in my chair. “Haven’t quite got that far yet.” “Then you really don’t have room to talk. Oh, thanks Hasu. You get enough to eat?” Sora looked up as Hasu came in with the last tray of food. Hasu nodded. “Yeah, for now.” “We need to get going Ryuu. Hasu we can drop you off at home on our way if you want.” “Actually . . . I’d like to go to Akira’s. I texted him earlier about it and he said it was fine.” “Yeah sure, that works.” After breakfast we headed across town to where Akira lived with his brothers. I spotted a familiar motorcycle as we pulled up. “Ah! Kenta is here!” I was surprised. He should have been at home asleep. Why was he at Jiro’s? I jumped out of the limo ignoring Sora telling me we didn’t have time. There was always time. Hasu was right behind me and I could hear Sora cussing me as he followed us. Grinning I opened the door to the apartment. It was full, granted there were only four people, but four people in their tiny apartment meant it was full. Kenta was perched on the arm of the couch while Hayate and Isao were sitting at the kitchen table. Jiro was standing by the window talking to them. “Hi guys!” I flicked my shoes off and went to tackle Kenta since his back was to me. It was my favorite thing to do ever since I’d met him. “Ryuu! Don’t!” Jiro’s exclamation was too late. I suddenly found myself on the floor in front of the couch, the breath knocked out of me. “Goddamn fucking hell you crazy son of a bitch!” Kenta yelled. “Calm down Kenta!” Jiro snapped as I tried to breathe. I was afraid to move, one leg still up on the cushion as I stared up at one very pissed off Kenta. What had I done? “What the fuck, Kenta!” Sora yelled as he shoved past him, reaching down to help me up. I’d finally caught my breath, but my chest was aching so fiercely it didn’t matter. Only Sora’s grip on my arm kept me from collapsing into a heap on the floor I was shaking so badly. I turned slightly into Sora trying to get a handle on the rush of emotions, feeling sick. For a moment there I had been terrified that Kenta was going to hit me. He’d never reacted like that before. Ever. “Why the fucking hell does he always pull shit like that!” Kenta’s voice tore through me. I covered my mouth with my hand, trying desperately to keep the sob in. It wasn’t going to work. Ripping away from Sora, I bolted out of the apartment, tripping down the stairs my eyes blurred with tears. What had I done? Why was he so mad at me? Stumbling out of the building I made it to the limo. Curling up in the backseat I let the sobs overtake me.

Kenta I am such a fucking idiot. Letting my emotions get the better of me like that. But the way he was looking at me now, with blond hair stuck to his face, his eyes looking too large for his face, the full lips parted just slightly shut my brain down. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I couldn’t. I couldn’t just walk away. He was already crying, the tears bright in his eyes. The way he’d responded when I’d kissed him had caught me completely off guard. I hadn’t expected to get that turned on by it. It was freaking me out. I wasn’t supposed to get that worked up kissing another guy. But he wasn’t just any guy. He was Ryuu. Sweet, sensitive, affectionate Ryuu. The guy who made me laugh. The one person who seemed to understand that I wasn’t just some pissed off thug. The only person who dared to be physical with me in a way that wasn’t violent. I couldn’t brush that off. I also couldn’t deny that he was looking too damn hot staring at me like that. Sighing I reached up and moved a strand of hair back from his cheek. He was looking away from me, sniffling. “Fucking hell. I’m going to get fired.” I grabbed him, crushing those sweet lips, wanting to taste him again. After a bit I stepped back smiling at him. It would be too easy to blow off the interview today and explore where this was going, but I wasn’t going to let that happen. There was plenty of time for that later. Though he didn’t seem to want to stop. “Oi, you need to get ready and the water is getting cold.” “Now you are making excuses.” That wicked grin would have scared the shit out of most people who knew him. “I know for a fact that there is at least fifteen more minutes of hot water.” “Oh really?” He nodded and leaned in close. “Plenty of time.” The next thing I knew he was gone. I blinked looking down to see him on his knees in front of me. He looked up at me and I felt my eyes widen. Oh fuck. He wasn’t serious. Holy shit, he was. I gasped, jerking as he grabbed my cock. Sure I'd been hard for a while now, but this was not what I'd been expecting. His grin got impossibly larger. “Ry-Ryuu wh-what are you-“ Then talking was impossible because that gorgeous, talented mouth had just slid around the head. “F-fuck!” I felt, more than heard him chuckle and swore I was going to crawl out of my skin. I sagged back against the tile as heat flooded me. With one hand he was massaging my balls while the other slid around my waist holding me close. I managed to open my eyes and look down at him. He was watching me as he slid his mouth back and forth, his tongue stroking me even as he sucked. Those kinds of sensations should not be fucking possible. My legs were turning to jelly. My brain was already mush. Only one thought made it through the pleasure. Why? It didn’t matter for the moment. Not a fucking thing mattered except the way that hot mouth was making me go fucking insane. I tried to move back, to get him off me before I came, but he wouldn’t move and I couldn’t really stop him. “Holy fucking shit!” If I hadn’t had the wall to lean against I would have fallen on my ass. It had been ages since I’d come like that and I’d forgotten how drained I could feel. Drained quite literally. I shook my head looking down at Ryuu. He was wiping some off his chin and grinning at me. “See the water is still hot.” “Yeah . . .” I turned slightly, feeling-weird didn’t even cover it. What was I supposed to do? Thank him? Kiss him? Fuck him silly? I turned back to him trying to think of what to say and suddenly had a wet, very horny singer clinging to me. “That was fun.” He was grinning at me. He was so close I could see the flecks of blue in his eyes. “Fun? No, fun is playing pool. That was fucking awesome.” I’d said it before I really had time to think about it. He giggled and I realized I found the sound utterly and completely adorable. “I’m glad you enjoyed it. Though I really need to wash my hair now.” I felt my face heat up. “Oh, oh yeah, sorry.” My brain was slowly starting to catch up with what had just happened I was quietly freaking out. Ryuu had just given me a blow job and acted like it was the most natural thing in the world. Maybe it was. If I was really honest with myself, I’d never been as attracted to someone as I was to Ryuu. At first I’d thought it was just your typical this guy is fucking cool to hang with type thing. Then I’d started to really get to know him and his . . . quirks. Even for all the times I’d gotten pissed at him or had to clean up a mess he’d accidently made or even carry him out to his limo when he passed out after a concert, I couldn’t imagine not having him around, not being with him. He was a very bright spot in my otherwise dim life. Maybe it was time I quit fucking around and went for what I really wanted for once in my life. Right now I wanted to show Ryuu that he wasn’t getting away with something like that. Ryuu We somehow managed to make it to the studio on time. To say that I was in a good mood would have been like saying the surface of the sun is warm. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been this happy and just this . . . content. We’d ended up staying in the shower until cold water had driven us out. I’d had to put concealer on a few of the larger hickies on my neck. Kenta had several of his own and as soon as we got back to the apartment I was going to see just how many more I could give him. The talk show went well. I was too euphoric to let anything get to me. I could see Kenta from where I was sitting and just looking over at him would give me another rush of happiness. The interview couldn’t be over soon enough. Kenta met me backstage and I stole a kiss, getting a glare in return. “I know. I know.” I patted his chest grinning at him before wiping the lipstick off those amazing lips. “No affection in public. It would ruin your image.” “Or yours.” I tried not to pout, but I didn’t like being reminded. “My image is of a crazy singer for a visual kei band. I’m already known for going around kissing people, so why not you?” I sighed at the look he gave me, my skin prickling with anticipation. “Fine, fine you win. You coming over now?” “Can’t. Gotta work. My ‘other’ job.” “Oh . . .” I tried not to sound too disappointed but that was next to impossible. Well, I couldn’t be too greedy. I’d finally made it over the infamous wall that he normally had up and I wasn’t about to get locked back out by being too demanding. Even I knew where to draw the line. “Will you call me when you get off work so I know you got home okay.” He raised an eyebrow at me and I grabbed his arm pulling him close. “I don’t care what time it is I want you to call me! I worry otherwise.” “No bitching when I wake you up at three.” “I promise.” I grinned shivering as he leaned up and kissed me lightly. “Let’s get going. I gotta go home and change.” *** I ended up at Sora’s house. He had Hasu over as well and we played video games till nearly midnight. Hasu had crashed out on one of the bean bag chairs Sora had while we sat on the bed. “You’ve been in an unusually good mood tonight. You didn’t take those uppers again did you?” I shook my head. “No, I threw all those away last year. No, its just that something I’d been wanting to happen finally happened.” Sora leaned closer peering at me. I looked away for a second then met his eyes again. He was grinning at me. “You’ve got hickies.” His jaw dropped and he stared at me for a moment. “Reiko was wrong. He’s not straight.” I couldn’t help but laugh falling back on the bed. Grabbing a pillow I hugged it to my chest. “Oh my god Sora, he’s so amazing.” Sora chuckled softly and leaned over me. “Lucky bastard.” “Yeah you’re gonna have the bluest balls on the planet if you plan on waiting for him.” I sat up looking over at Hasu. The kid was adorable and I knew exactly why Sora liked him so much. Hasu was perfect for him. Well maybe not perfect, but just what Sora needed. As Sora’s best friend since high school I was qualified to make those kinds of judgments. It was just too bad that Hasu was only sixteen. I’d already been messing around at that age, but Hasu was different and Sora was devoted to protecting him in every way possible. Even from himself. I admired him for it. Not many people would have had that kind of dedication. It showed me just how much the giant idiot loved the little drummer. “Thanks for reminding me. Asshole.” Sora grinned at me. “Seriously though, I am happy for you Ryuu. Just . . . be careful okay.” I looked down, clutching the pillow a little tighter. I knew why Sora was worried, but he didn’t need to be, not this time. “Kenta is nothing like him. Nothing at all.” “He better not be or I’ll kill him. If anything happens, anything at all you call me.” I looked up at Sora. Setting the pillow to the side I hugged him. “Thanks Sora. You’ve always been an awesome friend.” “I know. You could use some work though.” “Hey!”

Ryuu I woke up to the sound of running water and the realization that it had to be Kenta sent my pulse racing. I hadn’t expected him to stay. Not really. I’d been a lot more buzzed last night than I’d realized and hoped he wasn’t upset with me. Only one way to find out, I grinned to myself as I slid out of the bed. He hadn’t totally pushed me away last night and he’d seemed less drunk than I was. Opening the door to the bathroom I shivered thinking about the feel of his lips and the way he’d tasted. I would have done anything to have kept him from leaving last night, and waking up knowing he was there gave me a secure content feeling I hadn’t had in a very long time. I wanted to show my appreciation and more importantly I wanted to get my hands on him again. The surprised look on his face was entirely worth it and I grinned at him. His hair looked even darker when it was wet and I would have given anything to have a picture of his face right then. The dark eyes were wide, generous lips parted in surprise as he stared at me. He blinked a couple of times as if not sure of what he was seeing. It was amusing to see him confused and unsure when he was usually so hard to read. “What the hell are you doing Ryuu?” He growled turning back around. It was nearly impossible to resist the urge to lean down and kiss his neck and shoulder. Whipcord muscle under pale smooth skin didn’t hide the sharp angles and lines of his shoulder and hips. Without his clothes he seemed smaller, less imposing but even more beautiful than I’d imagined. “Taking a shower.” He mumbled something I couldn’t hear as I reached for the soap and a bath sponge. I really wanted to run my fingers along the broad shoulders and down the muscular back. Stepping forward I ran the sponge down his spine watching the trail the soap bubbles made. “Ryuu.” There was a slight warning tone to his voice and I paused suddenly unsure. “What?” I tried to sound innocent and unconcerned. “Go out.” I sighed. I’d expected him to say that. “It’s my shower.” I could practically hear him roll his eyes. “You really are a fucking handful you know that.” I smirked and stepping closer slid my arms around his waist letting my fingers slip over the water slicked skin of his stomach. “Well, I know you probably are a handful too.” I gasped suddenly finding myself pinned to the side of the shower, Kenta’s hands tight around my wrists as he held them to either side of my head. I struggled to catch my breath, my heart feeling like it was going to explode out of my chest. Dark, unreadable eyes bored into me so intently I finally had to look away. Was he mad? Maybe I was being too forward. “Don’t be such a fucking tease, Ryuu.” I raised my head to look at him. All I could see was dripping wet strands of ebony hair. His voice was soft, his fingers tightening for just a moment. “Just don’t.” “Kenta . . .” When he wouldn’t look at me, finally letting me go, I reached forward taking his face in my hands. Forcing him to look at me I smiled. “I’m not teasing.” Leaning forward I kissed him, letting my fingers slide up into the dark locks. He went rigid for a moment and I thought he was going to shove me back. He wasn’t really responding to the kiss, just standing there, but it was more than I’d hoped for. He hadn’t really kissed me back last night either. I slowly pulled back after a moment and looked down into those gorgeous dark eyes. It bothered me to see the almost pained look in them. Was he bothered that much by my kissing him? True not everyone liked it when I kissed them. Akira tended to hit me. But for him to look hurt that I’d done it made me pause, I knew I could sometimes be too forward. “I’m not teasing you Kenta. I wasn’t last night and I’m not now either. I like you a lot more than you seem to think.” I let him go as he pulled back. Frustration and hurt welled up in me as he turned away. Reiko must be right. Now I’d probably alienated him. He obviously didn’t like me kissing or even touching him. Why did I have to be so stupid? Why couldn’t I be happy just being friends with him? “I . . . I’m sorry. I’ll let you finish your shower.” I started to get out and looked back, feeling those strong fingers grasp my wrist. “You really are a fucking tease you know that.” His voice was a low growl that sent a shiver down my spine. I was bewildered and a little nervous as he suddenly grabbed me around the waist, pulling me back into the shower. Was he going to hit me? I gasped as he shoved me against the wall of the shower, his lips suddenly attacking mine. I couldn’t form a coherent thought. Nothing was making sense. I’d thought he was upset with me, but the way he was kissing me was simply, utterly amazing. He was aggressive yet hesitant, almost as if he was unsure of what he was doing. It was making my whole body feel like it was on fire, the water suddenly seeming cold where it was hitting me. I couldn’t stop the moan building in my chest. It had been so long since anyone had kissed me, really kissed me with a fervor that I could feel all the way to my toes. Running my hands down the muscular stomach to his hips, I pulled him closer so that he was pressed against me, shuddering as soft skin caressed mine. There was a hot ache in my chest, completely separate from the other heat that was spreading. Did he really want me? Did I dare hope . . . “Kenta-“ I couldn’t keep the emotion out of my voice as he finally pulled back so we could both catch our breath. He gave me one of those heartbreaking beautiful smiles that seemed to melt my insides quicker than anything. I blinked, and let my head drop feeling tears already on my cheeks. “I thought-“ “Shh.” Warm slightly rough fingers wiped at the tears as he tilted my head back up. “Am I that bad a kisser?” I choked out a laugh. “No! No that’s not it all. I just . . . thought you were mad at me.” He shook his head the smile still there, “You are one silly idiot. I wasn’t ever mad. Just confused as hell.” “Oh . . . why?” He sighed and pulled me into a hug kissing my neck and shoulder. “You have no idea do you? Not a fucking clue.” “Umm . . . no.” I would do anything I could to stay like this as long as possible. To feel his arms wrapped around me, his pulse against my skin, that silken voice in my ear. He chuckled, the sound vibrating through me and I couldn’t stop the small whine as he started sucking on my neck. I was shaking, but I couldn’t help it, the rush of sensations overwhelming. “Fuck.” The expletive was softly breathed against my neck. “You drive me fucking crazy, Ryuu. Why do you have to be so goddamn fucking sexy?” “Umm . . . sorry?” I stumbled as he shoved me back. “This is all fucked up.” “No! Wait! Kenta, please. What’s wrong?” I looked at him desperate for an explanation. He couldn’t kiss me like that and say those things only to shove me away the next moment.

Kenta The tingling sensation running through me had nothing to do with the slight buzz I’d been experiencing from the alcohol. Ryuu was too damn pretty looking at me with those soft grey eyes. He wasn’t just pretty, he was downright fucking hot. There weren’t a lot of girls who looked as good as he did. Especially with the way he was looking at me right now, those impossible grey eyes staring at me. He was leaning up against me, the heat from his body soaking through my pants and t-shirt. It was still a shock though when those soft full lips pressed against my own. He tasted like the wine we’d had with dinner, sweet yet tart. It kind of fit him. I slowly pulled back after a moment, confused as hell. “Um . . . I know you like being all affectionate and stuff, but isn’t that going a bit far?” Ryuu shook his head and licked his lips, grinning at me. “Mm, no I don’t think so. I’ve wanted to do that for ages.” “Ryuu you’ve-“ He kissed me again and I was shocked to find myself getting lost in the sensation. I’d never been kissed like this, not with this kind of . . . passion, I guess was the right word. It was like being gently assaulted until all that existed was the feel of supple lips on my own. I’d been kissed before, but it hadn’t been anything like this. It hadn’t made me feel light headed and dizzy, my whole body tingling like crazy. “Fuck.” Was all I could manage once he pulled back and he giggled. “You taste good, but you have a dirty mouth.” I smirked, “You like my dirty mouth.” “Yes, yes I do. But that’s not the only thing I like.” “I think you are drunk.” It was time to end this before it got out of hand. “No I’m not!” “Yeah you are.” I got to my feet, pulling him up. This was getting a bit too awkward for the moment. It was one thing to have him being all clingy and stuff, but this was something entirely different and I needed a bit to sort out just what the fuck was going on. It wasn’t like Ryuu wasn’t known for randomly kissing people. He’d done it to Akira often enough. “You are upset with me.” Ryuu flashed me a look before moving a few steps away. “No.” I actually didn’t know what I was. I grabbed his arm as he stumbled. “Let’s get you to bed.” “I’m not tired.” He was pouting now. I really hated it when he pouted. “It’s two in the morning. You are tired and you are drunk. Don’t forget you are going on that show tomorrow. ” “Oh . . . oh! Yeah . . . “ He glanced sideways at me and I was shocked at how the look affected me. Holy hell, a look should not be able to make me feel like that. Deciding it was best to ignore it, I tugged on his arm pulling him around the coffee table. “Come on. Bed time.” He tried to pull away from me starting to complain. On a whim I yanked him toward me and picked him up. He made the cutest noise, something between a squeak and a yelp, staring at me with wide eyes. “Shut up, not like I haven’t carried you before. Don’t need you falling and bashing your head on something.” His answer was to wrap his arms around my neck. I had to be fucking nuts, encouraging this. Nakamara was going to fire me. I kicked the door to his room open and went to set him on the bed. He wouldn’t let go. “Ryuu . . .” “I don’t want you to leave.” “Ryuu, I need to go home. This isn’t-“ “You don’t like me.” I frowned watching him as he finally let go, sitting back. His voice was soft, almost defeated sounding. “Reiko was right.” “Reiko is smart, but she’s not always right.” I let it go at that. “Besides, you are drunk and just being overly friendly, though that’s pretty fucking normal for you.” He shook his head forcefully. “No! No . . . “ His voice lowered as he shifted back on the bed, drawing up slender legs. “I’m not being a slut.” I frowned. Where the hell had that come from? “No one said you were a slut.” “You must think I am . . . coming on to you like I did. That’s why you pushed me away.” I sighed and sat down on the bed next to him. “Just go to sleep Ryuu, you are drunk and tired and you aren’t making a lot of sense. Everyone knows you are touchy feely, so it’s no big deal.” “That’s not fair Kenta.” The bed dipped as he moved around. “That’s like saying you are bad-tempered and offensive.” “I am.” I chuckled and started to get up only to have a pair of arms suddenly wrapped around me. “Please don’t leave.” I sighed feeling him lay his head against my back. “I won’t leave until you go to sleep.” Feather soft lips brushed my ear sending a rush of heat through me. “Thank you.” *** I jerked awake and looked around. I was still sitting up in the chair next to Ryuu’s bed. Shifting around I winced, my leg was asleep and there was a crick in my neck. Looking over at the bed I could just make out the dark lump that was the singer. He’d gone to sleep fairly quickly after his shower. The weirdo had asked if I wanted to join him. I figured it was the alcohol talking. Though in the back of my mind somewhere where I didn’t really want to acknowledge it, I wished it wasn’t. It was a bit odd that those thoughts kept popping up more and more when it came to the singer. Sitting awake watching him sleep was giving me entirely too fucking much time to think and I didn’t like where my thoughts were going. They kept going back to the kiss. I realized I was touching my lips and put my hand in my lap. That didn’t seem to be a good place either. Fucking hell. Ryuu was my boss! And a guy. A fucking hot guy, but a guy. Fuck. Getting up I headed into the bathroom. It was almost six anyway and I needed a shower. I could wear a pair of Ryuu’s jeans for work. We were close enough to the same size. Stripping I glared, better make it a cold shower. So, I’m a fucking baby. I couldn’t take the cold shower and finally turned it as hot as I could stand. Ryuu had the most awesome shower. The best thing about it was that I didn’t have to share it with the entire floor like at home. Besides that it was fucking huge. You could swim in the tub and the shower could fit six people in it easily. I used his fruity smelling shampoo to wash my hair only to realize I was grinning at the thought of smelling like him. Now that was just fucking weird. He always smelled so good. Me, I usually just smelled like my deodorant. Or sweat. Sometimes blood. A sudden rush of cold air startled me and I looked around only to see Ryuu grinning sleepy eyed at me as he stepped into the shower behind me. “Fucking hell.” “Good morning to you too.”

Kenta Today was going to shit. It had already gone to hell, and things were getting impossibly worse. Ryuu had locked himself in his dressing room and wasn’t letting anyone in. It was our second day on set shooting the band’s new promotional video and it seemed that anything and everything that could possibly go wrong was. I stood outside, leaning against the wall next to the door waiting for the latest tantrum to run its course. I’d never seen Ryuu this moody and even Sora was confused. It was almost like Ryuu was inventing reasons to stay in his dressing room. “Fuck this.” Taking out my key I opened the door to the room. I blinked a few times surprised that it was completely dark. “Ryuu?” There was no answer and a little rush of apprehension had my skin crawling. “Damn it Ryuu, what the hell is wrong with you? Everyone is waiting on you so we can wrap up shooting.” “I don’t care.” I couldn’t pin point exactly where his voice had come from and reaching over I flipped the light switch. Nothing. “Fuck. What the hell did you do to the light?” “Just go out.” I scowled hearing the tremor in his voice. “Are you crying?” “No.” “Liar.” “Just go out!” I jumped surprised to hear him scream at me like that. It wasn’t like Ryuu at all. Something was really wrong and I wasn’t leaving until I figured out what it was. “Shut the fuck up.” I slammed to door behind me, giving myself a moment until my eyes adjusted to the dim light. I could hear a soft sound that I instantly recognized as Ryuu crying. Fuck it all to hell. I was going to beat him. Why the fucking hell was he crying anyway? He’d been the one who’d thrown the hissy fit when the stylist had accidentally burned him with the iron. I spotted him huddled up on the small love seat that occupied one wall. Walking over to the dressing table I flipped the light on and turned to face him. He wouldn’t look at me. Tears were streaming down his face. His make-up was ruined and it looked like he’d ripped the hairpiece out too. “Ryuu . . .” I kept my voice low, trying to get him calmed down. It hurt me more than I felt it should to see him like this. Standing in front of him I reached down to touch his arm and got my hand batted away. “Don’t touch me! Just don’t fucking touch me.” He was sobbing now, the sound piercing me. Fuck. It should not hurt this much to see him upset. It should not make me want to pull him close and do whatever I could to see that brilliant smile again. “Why are you here? Why don’t you just leave?” “It’s my job to take care of you Ryuu.” That seemed to be the wrong thing to say. Ryuu was suddenly on his feet, his face inches from mine. “I am not just a fucking job!” I caught his wrist as he went to leave and shoved him back down on the sofa. I could feel his pulse racing under my fingertips as I stared down at him. “You are going to fucking calm down and tell me what the fuck is wrong or so help me you will not be finishing this PV. I’ll send everyone home and cancel the shoot.” “N-no don’t . . . I . . . I’m sorry.” His voice sounded so small and hollow, so unlike the Ryuu I knew. Letting go of his wrist I sat down next to him. I didn’t say anything, just waiting. It took several minutes but I finally heard him take a deep breath. “I . . . it’s my fault. I can’t even look at him without thinking that it was my fault. I should have just kept my stupid mouth shut. He must hate me. Reiko is upset with me anyway. She yelled at me at the hospital and hasn’t really talked to me since. I didn’t mean-“ “Ryuu . . . it’s not your fault.” I sighed and leaned forward resting my arms on my knees, hanging my head. This again? “Akira has other issues too, we all know that. None of us realized he wasn’t eating.” I felt him shift next to me, his voice barely audible. “He told me he wanted to look good for the shoot. Everyone must think I’m an egomaniacal insensitive jerk. Even the fans are going to hate me now.” I wasn’t sure what egomaniacal meant, but it didn’t sound good. “The fans don’t hate you Ryuu. And no one thinks you are like that. We all failed Akira.” Soft hair brushed my cheek as Ryuu laid his head over on my shoulder. The subtle scent of hairspray and his expensive cologne surrounded me. “I hate it. He’s always been so small anyway, and now he’s just skin and bones. Every time I look at him I get this sick feeling. He could have died Kenta and it would have been my fault. I know he’s doing better now but . . . he’s lost so much weight. His outfit doesn’t even fit anymore. Why do I have to be so stupid?” “Ryuu,” I was careful to keep any trace of anger out of my voice. He was still blaming himself for Akira’s anorexia? I’d thought we’d discussed this while Akira was in the hospital, though it seemed Ryuu was still feeling like it was his fault. “It was his choice. It’s not like you were taking food away from him.” There was a loud sigh and the warmth was suddenly gone. “I know, but it doesn’t change the fact that he acted on something I said.” There was a long silence. “Kenta, I’m sorry. Um . . . can you please tell everyone I’ll be out in a few minutes to finish the filming.” “Sure Ryuu.” I got to my feet and headed for the door. Opening it I turned back to him, but he was already at the mirror trying to fix his hair. I sighed and shut the door behind me. It was just like him to blame himself for something like this. Silly twit. I tracked down the director and had a few words with him. Ryuu had to be handled delicately when he was in this kind of a mood. His self esteem was so fragile it was almost pathetic and it made me wonder why that was the case. The guy had everything. Wealth, fame, looks, girls (and guys) literally throwing themselves at him so why was his self esteem shit? It didn’t make any sense to me. I sat off to the side as they finished wrapping up shooting. Ryuu was his usual smiling, happy, confident self. Watching and listening to him sing always gave me chills. There was just something about his voice, the emotion he could put into it that got to me every time. I’d been a fan of their music before I’d ever met them in person. Knowing Ryuu and the other boys hadn’t changed that, if anything I was even more of a fan now because I knew just how fucking hard they worked. “You guys looked great.” I handed Hasu a bottle of water and a towel, I had a Coke waiting for the other three. I got three smiles and a grimace. Ryuu wasn’t happy. Go figure. I followed them out to the van after they’d changed. Reiko was waiting. Akira immediately went to her and I heard Ryuu sigh. I frowned looking over at him. That had been happening a lot lately. Was he jealous or something? Reiko was pretty hot. A bit too aggressive for my tastes, but that didn’t seem to faze Akira. I bumped his arm with my elbow to get his attention. “What’s wrong?” He shrugged, not looking up at me. “Just tired I guess. Sorry about earlier.” “Don’t worry about it.” I opened the van door for him and waited until the other two had climbed in before getting in myself. Akira was headed out with Reiko. If anyone could whip that boy into shape it would be her. She wouldn’t be above force feeding him if she had to. We dropped Sora and Hasu off at their places and drove back across town to the gated apartment complex that Ryuu called home. He hesitated before getting out. Soft grey eyes regarded me for a moment. “You want to come up?” “Nah, I gotta get home and change. It’s my night to work at the restaurant.” “Yeah, of course. Sorry. See you later then.” I watched him leave wondering why I had the odd sensation that my heart was dropping through my gut.