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Platform: Windows 98/Me/XP Minimum System Requirements: CPU: Pentium 300MHz RAM: 64MB HDD: 350MB free space Video: 800x600 resolution or higher, 16-bit color Sound: WAV/PCM audio Other: Requires CDROM and DirectX 8.1 Release Date: 2002 Genre: ADV Rating: 18+ Voice: Full voice Translation made by: Onadoru Euphoria Plot: The story is set in an hypothetical fantasy role-playing game world, which once was menaced by a cruel demonic entity called Hadeus. The terrible war which followed had left many orphans, and one of them is Might. Raised up without his parents, with the only company of his older friend Adonis (another orphan), Might became an ambitious teenager training for his dream to become a soldier of the royal army. One day, though, Might found himself terribly wounded after falling off a cliff while training. Adonis, who loved Might over anything else, used a forbidden dark spell to save his life. So Might's life was saved... but Adonis mysteriously disappeared. Might will then go on a quest to find out what has happened to his beloved Adonis, meeting a rather wide range of handsome characters – each one with a peculiar personality – who will either join him in his quest or become an obstacle to it. The player, after making the appropriate choices, will be able to pair up the protagonist with one of the characters he will meet. Torrent File: The Game + Upgrade 1.2 + English Patch Mediafire links: English Patch (If you already have the game installed, if you don't, please download the torrent file) If you need help with the installation, visit this page: Installation Guide for Silver Chaos + Upgrade + English Patch EDIT: Visit this page for or a video installation guide for Silver Chaos + Upgrade + English Patch For download re-upload requests, post here so the staff notices them. Note: Please only ask for re-upload if none of the download links work after checking ALL the pages of the thread. Thanks! YO Staff

Oh... I hope everyone feel releave for now... I hope she stay health for now... well it's age but still hoping for...

Hijikata Toushirou (Gintama) Hibari Kyoya (Katekyo Hitman Reborn) Shiki (Togainu No Chi)

I have so many choice but here is 6... Iwaki-san... All the best!!!! Kanou-san... NO question about it!!! Tiki... D.Gray Man bad guy but still he has this sexy look... ^^;;;; Watanuki & Doumeki... unlikely choice but somehow when they together they has some kind of sexy vib. coming out... ^^;;; Kanda... guy with sword... somehow make sexy... ^^;;;;

Title: Love Impact (Yami No Matsuei doujin game) Rating: 16+ Compatibility: Windows Story: In this game, you play Tsuzuki-san and you must spend a day in Hisoka-kun's house. Everything you do and everything you say is important to get the good ending. Download Link: #SendSpace ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Title: Yami no Romance (Yami No Matsuei doujin game) Rating: 16+ Compatibility: Windows Story: In the game the player is Tsuzuki-san. You go to an amusement park with Tatsumi, Watari and Hisoka. Your objective is to get the romantic ending with the character you like, but you must take care of the things you say to them. If you want to get the good ending, you must choose the correct answer each moment. Download link: #SendSpace ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ IMPORTANT NOTE: Both games require that you install the RTP (Run Time Package) file first: ||UPDATED|| #SendSpace (Maker 2000) #SendSpace (Maker 2003) (Both these games are really cute and had me smiling the entire time ) For download re-upload requests, post here so the staff notices them. Note: Please only ask for re-upload if none of the download links work after checking ALL the pages of the thread. Thanks! YO Staff

Manga titles : Brothers (ブラザーズ) Original run : 2001 Descriptio n: Chris W atanabe is a high school teacher. When his father remarries, he finds himself with an English step-brother named Wataru. Wataru transfers to Chris' school, and just as the four of them are starting their new life together, their parents die in a plane crash. Now Chris and Wataru are living alone together. The elder is cute and the younger cool; what will their new life hold for them!? Manga-type: Manga Series Written by: YAMAMOTO Kotetsuko Drawn by: YAMAMOTO Kotetsuko Published by: Gentousha Group(s) Scanlating: Forgotten Gem Box, Polaris Status: Completed Completely Scanlated: Yes Completely Translated: Yes Genres: Comedy, Drama, School Life, Shounen Ai, Slice of Life, Yaoi Categories: Megane, Cross-dressing, Older Uke - Younger Seme, Incest Main Characters: Watanabe, Wataru Read Brothers Online Brothers Download Brothers Manga: Volume 1 (Chapters 1-6 + Extra) Volume 2 (Chapters 7-12 + Extra) Download link for non-members For download re-upload requests, post here so the staff notices them. Note: Please only ask for re-upload if none of the download links work after checking ALL the pages of the thread. Thanks! YO Staff

Title: Bousou Kareshi Original name: 暴走 カレシ Manga ALT. names: Bousous Kareshi; Wild Boyfriend Original run: 2009 Description: My super strong classmate, Ran, is my cute lover. We are so in love! Or that’s how it’s supposed to be. I think he’s cheating on me! Bousou Kareshi features many other stories. Included is Keitachi’s meeting with the normally weak glasses boy. He loses his rationality and goes erotically wild! Manga-type: Manga Series Written by: SAKIRA Drawn by: SAKIRA Published by: Junet Group(s) Scanlating: Blissful Sin Status: Completed Completely Scanlated: Yes Completely Translated: Yes Genres: Adult, Comedy, Romance, School Life, Smut, Yaoi Categories: Bara, Megane Main Characters: Keitachi Recommendations: Goshujinsama to Wanko, 2-dome no Koi no Hajimari wa, Limiter Download Bousou Kareshi Manga Bousou Kareshi Download link for non-members Read Bousou Kareshi Online Bousou Kareshi For download re-upload requests, post here so the staff notices them. Note: Please only ask for re-upload if none of the download links work after checking ALL the pages of the thread. Thanks! YO Staff

Manga Title: Bannin Author: Kunieda Saika Genre: Drama Mature Psychological Romance Tragedy Yaoi Groups Scanlating: Aarinfantasy, Bushido Angel Adventures, Countless Time, PresenceDear Plot: A compilation of short stories: • Bannin (The Guardian) Kazuhiko Saibara finds himself dead in the woods surrounding his family's summer villa. As the family servant digs his grave, Saihara's feeble-minded younger brother gazes absently upon the scene, and Saihara himself begins to recount the events that led to his demise. • Show Me Heaven A smile of a skinny angel opens up a closed-minded man's heart. • Sora no Uragawa (The Other Side of the Sky) Yousuke, Tamotsu and Satoshi are high school buddies until tragedy breaks them apart. Ten years later the death of one of them brings the remaining two friends back together and past wounds are torn open. • Meguriai Cosmo (A Chance Encounter in the Cosmos) Klaus is the hideous commander of a starship with a hideous crew. One day, his crew capture a gorgeous young man, who reminds the captain of someone from long, long ago. Repulsed by his appearance, the prisoner does his best to make things difficult for Klaus, but Klaus's warm and kind heart does him in... Read Bannin Online Bannin Download Bannin Manga http://www.4shared.com/file/ltaGS8Bk/Show_Me_Heaven_-_Saika_Kunieda.html Download link for non-members For download re-upload requests, post here so the staff notices them. Note: Please only ask for re-upload if none of the download links work after checking ALL the pages of the thread. Thanks! YO Staff

Title: Chou Dakaretai Otoko Author: CHITOSE Piyoko Plot: 1-4) Super Dakaretai Otoko A high-schooler, Asakura Shinobu, is a new illustrator and his cousin, Kouki, is living with him and loves him. The editor, Watase Riku, and the novelist, Shirakura Yuushi, are both extremely interested in Shinobu’s body. Shinobu admires Riku very much. When Riku asked Shinobu to use his body to satisfy Shirakura sensei, will he agree to it? How would Kouki save Shinobu from the attacks by the two perverted men? Who will Shinobu give his first time to? 5) Jungle and Naked... and Me? Young artiste Haruma is injured and lost in the jungle when he is rescued by a mysterious man. Though they can't communicate with words, Haru finds himself touched by the man's unfailing kindness. Year: 2008 Genre: Smut Yaoi Categories: Incest Rape Status: 1 Volume (Complete) Download link removed by scanlator's request Read Chou Dakaretai Otoko Online Chou Dakaretai Otoko

Original title: Akutai wa Toiki to Mazariau Manga ALT. names: Akutai wa Toiki to Mazariau; 你越坏我越爱, Your Voice Likes Sweet Whisper Original run: 2005 Description: 1) Curses Showered on the Visitor “Do not deceive a person. Do not threaten a person. Do not handcuff people. Any illegal activity is forbidden.” Said Natsume as he lays down the ground rules for Touji the stalker... 2) Curses Divert the Craving Natsume is having a bad day; he has just lost a major deal to a rival company. To make matters worst, he runs into his ex-colleague and finds out that he is the one who stole his deal from him. 3) Curses Mingled with Sighs Touji flies into a rage when he finds out that Ryouji, Natsume's cousin/boss, is going to visit his place. 4) Curses Make the Birthday Colourful Touji is busy with exam preparations and disappears on Natsume. After a few days, he finally turns up but he is sick. 5) Curses Can Cover the Ears Natsume meets Souya, Touji's cousin, who is even more unnerving than his stalker. Manga-type: Manga Series Author: FUJIYAMA Hyouta Published by: Biblos (2005); Libre Shuppan (2007) Group(s) Scanlating: Biblo, Eros Mihashi Status: Completed Completely Scanlated: Yes Completely Translated: Yes Genres: Drama, Yaoi Categories: Jealous Lover; Older Uke - Younger Seme Main Characters: Natsume, Touji, Ryouji, Souya Recommendations: Sunao ja nai Kedo; Hokenshitsu de Suki ni Shite; Hidoi Otoko; Mijuku na Kareshi; Related series: Akutai wa Ude no Naka de Futatabi Read Akutai wa Toiki to Mazariau Online Akutai wa Toiki to Mazariau Download Akutai wa Toiki to Mazariau Manga Download Download link for non-members For download re-upload requests, post here so the staff notices them. Note: Please only ask for re-upload if none of the download links work after checking ALL the pages of the thread. Thanks! YO Staff

Original name: あまいきみがすき Manga ALT. names: Amai Kimi ga Suki Original run: 2009 Description: 1) Amai Kimi ga Suki Kawakami is a top student with a penchant for donuts. Kaji is a troublemaker who fell deeply in love with Kawakami. Although they ignore each other at school, when they're all alone... they eat, kiss and... play. “You're so annoying!” is Kawakami's favorite line, but there's much more than meets the eye. A cute story of an unusual first love! 2) Rising from the Ashes, Kaji-kun Amai Kimi ga Suki extra 3) Dangan Baby 4) Let's go wild, Baby Dangan Baby extra 5) The Kitten and the Prince 6) Telephone! 7) Beautiful Thing 8) Your Favorite Song 9) After Manga-type: Manga Series Written by: MOTO Haruco Published by: Libre Shuppan Group(s) Scanlating: Nakama Status: Completed Completely Translated: Yes Genres: Drama, School life, Slice of life, Yaoi Categories: Doctors, First Love, Megane, Yakuza, Co-workes Main Characters: KawakamixKaji; TojoxOosado; SugitaxYamada Recommendations: Kawaii Akuma, Nakasete! Doctor, Koi no Katamichikippu, Yes It's Me, Otodokeshimasu, Shanai Renai Style Read Amai Kimi go Suki Online Amai Kimi go Suki Download Amai Kimi ga Suki Manga: 4S Download link for non-members For download re-upload requests, post here so the staff notices them. Note: Please only ask for re-upload if none of the download links work after checking ALL the pages of the thread. Thanks! YO Staff

Takumi-kun Pure credits for translation to sayasubs Download Takumi-kun Pure Movie Complete Mirror link: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 NOTE: Download all parts in the same folder, join with HJSplit and play the complete file with VLC Player. Plot: Unlike the three previous films, Pure focuses on the relationship between Misu Arata and Shingyouji Kanemitsu , which begins when Shingyouji takes the test to enter Shidou Gakuen . That's when he meets Misu and falls for him. Then we come back to the present where the sempai who admires Misu appears, bringing Shingyouji problems and jealousy . Watch online: Takumi Kun Pure For download re-upload requests, post here so the staff notices them. Note: Please only ask for re-upload if none of the download links work after checking ALL the pages of the thread. Thanks! YO Staff

Original name: ベッドルームツアー! Manga ALT. names: Bedroom Tour! Original run: 2007 Description: During the last summer holiday of high school, Chinatsu, who has been scared of sex ever since he had his heart broken, decides to jump into the arms of Charles Yamazaki, who is said to be a Love Counsellor that can bring one out of one's pain no matter how terribly one's heart has been broken. Manga-type: Manga Series Written by: HIMEKADO Rika Drawn by: HIMEKADO Rika and RIKA Chimaki Published by: Houbunsha Group(s) Scanlating: Blissful Sin Status: Completed Completely Scanlated: Yes Completely Translated: Yes Genres: Comedy, Drama, Romance, School life, Smut, Yaoi Categories: Teacher-Student; Doctors; Main Characters: ChinatsuxYamazaki Adaptations available: N/A Recommendations: Hanataba ni Te wo Agero!; Kyouken Breeder; Hibi Koikoi Read Bed Room Tour Online Bed Room Tour Download Bed Room Tour! Manga Bed Room Tour! Download link for non-members For download re-upload requests, post here so the staff notices them. Note: Please only ask for re-upload if none of the download links work after checking ALL the pages of the thread. Thanks! YO Staff

Title: Yuushitessen no Koi Manga ALT. names: 有刺鉄線の恋 / Barbed Wire Love / Yuushitetsusen no Koi Original run: 2008 Description: 1) Barbed Wire Love With the blessing of the wedding bells, Heiji has to bury his feeling to give wishes to Kou senpai and his sister. The love Heiji and Kou had during high school was so pure and innocent until Kou requested a break up. After they met again, everything went wild. The bridegroom and the brother-in-law scandalous meeting in the resting room, what will become of them? 2) I Really Want to See You When Haru's best friend Takakazu suddenly confesses and pushes him down, Haru is powerless to fight back, but manages to escapes before the end. But a month of being alone has Haru longing for Takakazu's gentle company... 3) Sheltering from the Rain One rainy night super popular high school student Itsumi Shuu suddenly sees geeky student Takai Suguru without his glasses, and is captivated by the strikingly beautiful Takai. With the help of an aphrodisiac Itsumi captures Takai's body, but what about his heart? 4) Love Level @BEginner Hairstylist Matsuri and make-up artist Kouta have a dream of opening up a salon together, and have been very close up to now. But now a handsome model is aiming for Matsuri, and Kouta is discovering feelings he never knew he had! 5) Please Whisper in Your Voice Mizumoto is president of the student morals committee and is always chasing after Honma the constant rule breaker with the golden voice. And although he acts tough and distant, Mizumoto is also drawn in by Honma's beautiful voice. Manga-type: Manga Written by: Aanan Yukako Drawn by: Aanan Yukako Published by: Kaiousha Group(s) Scanlating: Attractive Fascinante Status: Complete Completely Scanlated: Yes Completely Translated: Yes Genres: Romance, Smut, Yaoi Categories: Drama, Megane, Rape Main Characters: Heiji, Kou Adaptation based on available: N/A Recommendations: Kyou Anata ni Wakare wo Tsugemasu, Beauty Stock Read Yuushitessen no Koi Online: Yuushitessen no Koi Download link: EDIT: Link removed due to scanlator's request.

Sekaiichi Hatsukoi OVA Title: Sekaiichi Hatsukoi Genre: Yaoi Year Published: 2011 Type: OVA No. of Episodes: ?1? Duration: 21 min / ep Plot: This Sekai-ichi Hatsukoi OVA is bundled with limited editions of the 5th volume from Shungiku Nakamura' boys-love manga series. The story follows the tension between a newly recruited manga editor and his tyrannical editor-in-chief - who happen to share a common past. Nakamura also inserted some characters from Junjo Romantica (one of her previous yaoi manga) into Sekai-ichi Hatsukoi. (based on ANN synopsis) FORMAT: AVI Download Sekaiichi Hatsukoi OVA: Ova 1 (Eng Subs) For download re-upload requests, post here so the staff notices them. Note: Please only ask for re-upload if none of the download links work after checking ALL the pages of the thread. Thanks! YO Staff

Hisoka Ending 1. Quiz - answer two questions correctly (Quiz Answers: ayumi, AB, melancholy, H.Green, ootsuki, july23, Morikawa, Ayumi), give the flowerpot to Hisoki 2. Shopping - Buy the music box - first love- and give to him. 3. Roller Coaster- Touch his hand 4. Restaurant: Lend me some money, buy ice cream and share it with Hisoka 5. Haunted House- Go out and sit down, then talk to him 6. Exit - It was very funny - To be with you is the best thing - Give him a clean towel - Hisoka... - No I won't - I love you Hisoka.. Muraki Ending - Hisoka looks a bit pale - I think I'll go alone - Roller Coaster, Ride, I can smell roses - That is not true! - All right... - Say "Hisoka" if you want Hisoka's other ending, Say "Muraki..." if you want Muraki ending, say "Tatsumi" if you want Tatsumi ending. Open the door, I've found Muraki. Hijiri Ending 1. Hisoka looks a bit pale 2. Choose Hisoka 3. Shop: Buy music box, first love, "it is for someone you don't know", "ok I'll go alone" 4. Scary House: I'll rest a little. 5. Talk to him, I was alone thinking of you, Say the title, I only care about you now. Watari Ending First question: Watari has been very silent Choose him as your companion 1. Hounted House: Thank you Watari 2. Rollercoaster: We're a couple too arent we ? 3. Quiz Win (see answers below the post) and give Watari a flower pot 4. Shop: lets buy o souvenir for 003; ll lend u some money; choose a music box 5. Restaurant (scene ): Sankyuu Watari 6. Exit: yes, it was very funny Choose Watari, it was very amusing, being with you was the best thing, ......................, I love you too Tatsumi Ending 1. Roller Coaster: Tatsumi are you bored ? You are with me .... 2. Quiz Win (see answers below the post) and give him the flower pot 3. Hounted house: -yes that would be nice; play with it; Tatsumi happiness 4. Shop: Do you see anything you like?, Thank you but I can't accept. 5. Restaurant: Ok, you are right, the assortments of sweets, I'll share them. 6. Exit, yes it was very funny. Pick Tatsumi, it was very amusing, being with you was the best part OK, He s only my work partner, I love you too. (guide made by Darker Blue)

A few days ago ANN confirmed that the 2nd season of Sekai-ichi Hatsukoi will be airing from October this year! Below it's an image of the ad confirming season two is to start airing this October. :hamtaro-005 (23):

Title: Gozen Yoji, Sasayaku You ni; 午前四時、ささやくように; Whispering at 4am Author: Minazuki Akira Year: 2010 Genre: One Shot, Shounen Ai, Supernatural Plot: One day, Souichirou met a mysterious guy at bar he frequents. The first thing that guy told him was, “You look like you’re about to die”. Souichirou, however, did not find that the least bit amusing and brushed it off easily. Until his first encounter with danger and then everything started to spiral out of control… Read Gozen Yoji, Sasayaku You ni Online: Gozen Yoji, Sasayaku You ni Download Gozen Yoji, Sasayaku You ni Manga: Gozen Yoji, Sasayaku You ni For download re-upload requests, post here so the staff notices them. Note: Please only ask for re-upload if none of the download links work after checking ALL the pages of the thread. Thanks! YO Staff

i blame goki that now i want to be hugged. hahahahaha ;]

You're welcome! I just hope every will be come out as O.K. when she see doctor tomorrow...

thank you hama! for now everything it's fine. she still have to take care of her health and return to the doctor tomorrow, but the worst seems to be gone by now. a least she's not at the hospital anymore! =]

Erm...dying? WTF??!!! My exam week is another two days before it's started!!

I find that but for got to tell you... --;;; And there is other news... I will tell you and Yoji-chan later... ^^ I hope you have that happy feeling for little longer... I know something is waitting for you... --;;;

YATTA!!!! IM SO F***ING HAPPY!!!!! I juz watch TaikiBaba at YT when they attending Tsuyoshi Hayashi's birthday... FINALLY!!! before this i cant watch ot becoz i cant open wht is it called?? nico~nico?? oh whtever it is... IM SO HAPPY..feeling like im gonna jump from 2nd floor and see whether i could fly...^w^

I know Love in the Ice had already been posted here, but I just love so much this preformance and translation. And possibly my favorite song of all time, that makes my cry everytime I hear it. It was so so beautiful played live. I wish I could re-live that moment over and over again. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1VqX8Z6DNs

Paul4U Thank you...beautiful picture

Hi memorex! Thank you ^ __ ^ I'm glad that was on the YO. There really friendly people, very interesting and fun

Not good... headache

im feeling lazy...my heart is pumping hard and making my hand shaking... this cause me couldnt even hold my pencil rightly...=='''

You know the feeling when you've been running and running for too long, that when you stop running doesn't feel right anymore? Yeah that's how i feel...I've been running and running and now i stopped and don't even know what to do O_o

Bondz (Fairy Garden chapter) by Kawai Touko. (: --

Nervous because the tickets of JYJ european concerts are not available, I want to see them esp MICKY!

NOWAKI (JUNJOU ROMANTICA) MISAKI (JUNJOU ROMANTICA) GOH (SAINT BEAST)

Now is my second selecion.... I still far more to go... but, feel tire so this is for now... ^^ Enjoy! Hijikata - My most love of man from Hakuouki Hekketsuroku... man with the sword again... ^^;;; Taki-sama - Yes!!! How can we not say he is sexy!!! He is Sexy goddess(?!?!) in Maiden Rose! Mr. Daijou - the boss from Yebisu Celebrities!!!! The true boss also his cousin is kind of sexy too... I think... ^^;;; Takumi Ichinose - from Nana... What do I need more to said other then let the picture speak for itself... ^^ Tokiya - this summer new ani 'Uta no Prince-sama: Maji Love 1000%' one of oijisama... ^^;;;

I'm a very big fan of Viewfinder I don't even hide it Yamane Ayano characters are just too sexy The cat is just a random pic I don't have pets for now...i have a small kid, and husband told to wait As for the guy...also a random pic...i just though he was delicious Glad you liked them

Hi! Welcome to Yaoi Otaku! :leaf12:

XII “I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.” Maya Angelou (American Poet) I went back to college. I had promised my mom to spend New Year with my cousins so I went back to my room, where I could heal my wounds in peace. I wanted to hide Paul’s bite, the hickeys on my neck and the bruises on my wrists. I just wanted to relax. I took a book from the library about hybrid cultures and went to my peaceful corner. The sun was timidly warming the cold morning, some grey clouds were hiding it from time to time but it was nice to be outside. I took a hot coffee and left my bag in the library. But my dream of a quiet, peaceful morning vanished when I saw Thomas leaning against the tree, holding the book I have given him with a broad bright smile ( The one in italics is Thomas speaking) -Happy late Christmas, Patrick. He said in a high pitched tone. I sensed nervousness and excitement in his voice- I’ve been waiting for you. -Merry Christmas to you too. Did you have fun in France? -Yes, thank you very much. You met my brother Peter. I’m sorry; he’s such a brat, sticking his nose on everybody’s business… -It’s alright, he was very nice to me and your house is awesome. By the way, thank you for the souvenirs. -You’re welcome – he said seizing the book- You should have thrown them away, they were cheap goods. They cannot compete with my present. It made me very happy, but it’s very expensive, Patrick. The card was more than enough. -The card was more than enough. He repeated. -You deserved it, I behaved like a bastard and I didn’t know how to apologize. Even now, I think it’s not enough. -(sighs) I’m also at fault, Patrick. I forced myself in some way, even knowing how you felt. But what I told you it’s true. He came closer and I stepped back. If he got closer, he could see my hickeys and bruises. I have forgotten to cover them, in fact, I didn’t expect him. Instinctively, I wrapped my hand round my neck. He frowned, took my hand off, I tried to resist but it hurt. -What happened to your neck? -Nothing, nothing important -Come on, Patrick, you’ve got hickeys everywhere! I shoved his hand off but he took me by my wrist. I couldn’t fake the pain grin and he turned up my sleeve and saw my wrist. -What the hell?! Patrick, did you have a fight? He kept silent looking into my eyes waiting for an answer. I couldn’t look at him. I felt so embarrassed that I kept my head down. -Oh my God! It was him! It was your friend, the one you love; did he do this to you? -Not at all, what are you thinking? Don’t ask me please. -Oh Patrick, I’m sorry. Are you hurt anywhere else? -I said it’s nothing. He was drunk, he was angry with me, that’s all. -That’s all?! Are you crazy?! That’s a poor excuse. He hugged me. It was so comforting, so warm. It felt so good that I thought I could get used to it. I wondered why people felt in love with the wrong person. I stood wrapped in his arms, feeling safe, calm. Trying to stop my tears.

XI “Love me; I'll be anybody you want me to be. Use me. Change me. Take me apart. Make me into anything, but just love me.” Chuck Palahniuk (American journalist) Boxing Day came. Paul arrived a little bit earlier to bring the dishes his mom has made and a hand painted flower pot for my mom. When I came downstairs, my breath was taken away at his sight. He was so handsome; he knew it and he had dressed himself for it. He was wearing a black tight polo neck sweater that defined his broad shoulders, his strong muscular arms. He also used his skinny black jeans. I could smell his new perfume. His eyes looked bluer. I said hi and all I got back was a cold glare, followed by one of those killing smiles of him. He was mad, he was really mad and I’d regret it. We met the other guys, updated each other’s while dinning and ended up in a nightclub. Paul was weird, he had been avoiding me the whole night, staring me but every time I wanted to talk to him he went away. Girls were flitting round him like moths round a light; I got frustrated, I gave up. I went to the toilets to clear my mind. I felt someone following me but I didn’t pay too much attention. I was going to go into one of the loos when I felt someone pushing me inside it. (the one in Italics is Paul speaking) -What the fuck! - (Completely drunk) Shush, shut up, you slutty bastard. You’re gonna do what I tell you to do, so keep your voice down. I was paralyzed. I couldn’t believe he was talking to me that way. I couldn’t see his face, he reeked of alcohol. -Paul, what the fuck are you doing? You’re drunk; get the hell out of here. I’m serious -I told you to shut the hell up! Keep your voice down or you’ll regret it He took my hands and put them above my head pressing them against the wall, it hurt. I could feel his breath on my neck. I wanted to run but he was putting all his strength on me. He suddenly kissed my neck and started to lick my ear lobe. It startled me. I tried to get free of his hands. -Paul… Paul, leave it. Paul, please, you’re drunk, Paul! -You wanted this, didn’t you? You’ve been wanting me all these years. You thought that I was a dumbass? You believed I wouldn’t realize? That freaked me out. Without releasing my hands he turned me to face him. I saw his face. It was anger what I saw in his eyes. He kept sucking my neck down to my collar bone. He bit me. I screamed hopping that he would stop but I got the opposite effect. He grinned and went for my mouth. I couldn’t believe he was kissing me, all his lust into those kisses. Those kisses I have always wanted, all the passion I have desired were in those kisses. -(panting) Oh my God, Paul, please, stop it. You don’t know what you are doing. Please Paul, let me go, it hurts. -(breathing excitedly) I don’t give a damn, Patrick, Didn’t he do the same to you? What’s the difference, he or me? ( hardly breathing) Was he more delicate with you? But I’m the one you love, am I not? -What? I…. I… I don’t understand. Please, Paul, let me go. I couldn’t breathe, he was kissing me again and he was undoing my jeans, sliding his hand inside my briefs. My heart stopped. I tried to push him away; I didn’t want that, I didn’t. -No, Paul, please, no, no, no... Please. -That’s what you like, don’t you? I felt tears running down my face. How could he be so cruel? He released my hands and without looking at me, without saying anything, he left me there. I felt like a dirty hustler, wandering what the hell I have done to make him act like that. I was feeling so sick that I spent the whole day at home, playing with Becth, trying to forget what had happened last night and hiding my neck from my family’s gaze. Paul didn’t called, he didn’t texted me.

I've been trying to improve this as much as I could, but it seems I'm not in the mood. So all I got is these crappy episodes. Sorry, but If I spent another minute thinking on it, I'd erase everything. I apologize beforehand.Thank you for taking your time reading this. X Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow; don’t walk behind me, I may not lead; walk beside me, and be my friend. Albert Camus It was so comforting being at home. My mom was waiting for me, my sister was sleeping on the sofa, her long blond hair laying at one side, her pinky cheeks glowing in her bright red pajamas, holding the teddy bear I gave her last year. The Christmas tree, the Christmas cards hanging on the fireplace together with Beth’s stocking. It was great to be at home. ( In italics, Patrick's mother) -Dear, welcome home. Did you have a safe trip? You look tired. Are those teachers asking to much? I kissed her, caressed Beth’s face and sat next mom who was reading, as always, Ken Follet’s last work. I sighed. -No ma, I’m fine, tired. I’ll save more money next time and I’ll come by train – If I hadn’t spent so much in Thomas’ present. No, Patrick, I thought, he deserved it. -By the way, have you talk to Paul? He’s been calling the whole day. - (sigh) Really? And what did he want? I’m going to see him on Boxing Day. The guys are running a party. - Well, that’s good, it’s been months since you got all together, but Paul sounded bit anxious...They are not celebrating anything these days you know, so he wanted to have lunch with you tomorrow. - I know mum, but I’m not feeling very well – How could I lie this way, in any other moment I‘d run his house the minute he had called. - Anyway son, whatever is happening between you two, don’t let it spoil your friendship. - Mom, don’t… You don’t know anything. Let’s leave it here. I’m really tired. I’m gonna take Beth to bed. I’ll deal with him tomorrow. Nite -Nite, nite son. I couldn’t sleep very well. My back hurt, my legs itched and my head ached. Paul and Thomas were going round in my head. I should have given him the book in person, I should have waited till he was back, I shouldn’t have bought anything. How would I face Paul? Was I going to spoil everything? Next morning I phoned him. (The one in italics is Paul speaking) -Hey Pat, how are you? Did you arrive late last night? I phoned you -Yeah, sorry pal, I arrived very late. Listen Paul, I was calling you to tell you I can’t go, ma needs helps with Beth. -Really? Mom is cooking donburineshi and ishikare-nabe - It sounds yummy even if I don’t know how they taste, I smiled. But I can’t go, apologize to your mom, I’ll see you the day after tomorrow. Silence… -Ok bro, no problem. ‘ll tell mom to save some for you, bye! -Paul, Paul!- Oh my God, why were things always so difficult with him?- Paul, don’t get mad, please! -I’m hanging Pat, talk you later That was all? He’s always so stubborn, he wasn’t arguing back? I knew I was going to have a tough time next time we met Christmas day Beth woke me up at six thirty in the morning. The wine I had drunk last night was beating my head. I felt sick, tired and frustrated. We went downstairs, just the two of us as we’ve been doing for the last six years. We opened our presents. She kissed me like a thousand times when she opened her new fuchsia pointé slippers. I got the regulars, books, socks, scarves…. After our little ritual, my parents got downstairs to open theirs. - There’s one left – mom said - it’s yours- handing a small green package with a yellow ribbon - I thought we have given you all your presents… - So.. whose is this? I said looking at her waiting for an answer. - I don’t know son. It’s not ours, said mom asking dad. - I know – said Beth giggling - Beth, honey, who brought this present? I asked her anxiously - Paul told me it was a secret, so I’m not telling you, said she laughing When I heard his name, my heart ached, it was like a thousand wasp’s stings, as if it was going to suddenly stop. -Beth, honey, did Paul bring this for me? She nodded with the biggest smile on her pinky face, begging me not to tell him. I rushed into my room, my heart racing. It was the first present receiving from him and I wanted to open it alone. Why was he doing this out of the blue? With trembling hands I opened it. There was a small note. “ Surprised? I bet you’re. I just wanted to do it. I hope you like it. Use them, invite anyone you like. “ Inside the small box there were 2 ticked for a musical. I couldn’t believe he had spent £60. I phoned him. ( the one italics is Paul speaking) -Paul speaking. It’s 8.30 in the morning Pat. I know Beth is an early bird but … -Thank you, Paul, thank you but… -Merry Christmas Patrick, first of all. ( laughing) I knew I couldn’t trust her. Beth gave me away sooner than I thought. He said laughing like a kid. -Paul, can you tell me the meaning of this? -No meaning, bro, I had a part time job, got some money and I wanted to buy you something. -Come on! I don’t buy it. You’re the stingiest person on earth. We’ve known each other for too long. -I`m telling you, it’s nothing. I thought you deserved a present from me, that’s all. -Are you dying? Moving? Running away? I shouldn’t have them. They are expensive, I think you should take your money back and buy something yourself. -Here he comes, the humble Patrick. I’m not getting them back. No matter what you’re gonna take those two tickets and use them because if you don’t do it, I’m gonna kick that pretty stone-like butt of you till the end of the world, got it? - Paul… Paul… ( bip, bip sound) He had hanged the phone up without letting me reply. I knew he was very angry and that I’d pay for it.

Chapter 2 Bored Kenta I was mad. Not just upset but fucking mad as hell but there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. Well I could but it was going to cause a huge problem. “I am not fucking spying on Hasu!” I glared up at Sora who sighed and rubbed his forehead. Yeah I was getting a headache too. “If he finds out you guys-” “Kenta! Shut up for a minute and listen!” I took a step back startled as Sora yelled at me. He lowered his voice but the look in his eyes kept me pinned where I was. “I'm not asking you to spy, I'm asking you to keep an eye on him and make sure he's alright. Isao said there have been some weird comments on the forum and on his blog lately but he won't talk about it.” I scratched my head thinking for a minute. “Umm . . . what'sa blog?” Sora shook his head, his shoulders slumping. “Ryuu . . . this isn't going to work.” “Ken-chan,” I turned to face Ryuu ready to tell him off for using the nickname but the look on his face stopped me. He was really worried. “What we need is for you to just keep an eye on him when we can't. You've got more free time than we do.” I groaned. “Guys . . . I get it that you are worried, but Isao and Hayate got each of you your own bodyguards, why do I have to do this?” Sora and Ryuu exchanged looks. Ryuu came over and wrapped an arm around my shoulders and kissed my cheek. “Don't pout, please. His bodyguard can't enter the school grounds. You can.” “Eh? No I can't!” “Kenta, calm down.” Ryuu held me in place. The urge to bolt for the bedroom was squashed as he gripped me. “We've already spoken with the director and the principal and gotten you special access. You'll be going with him to school just until we find out what is going on.” I wiggled out of his grip and turned to face the two of them. “You did all this without even asking what I thought about it. So fuck you, I'm not going to some fancy ass school to get made fun of and- ow!” Sora was giving me that look I really hated. I rubbed the back of my head and looked up at Ryuu who didn't look very happy. “Kenta, we need you to do this-Hasu needs you to do this. What if he's got a stalker? He must be completely freaked out after what happened last month. I wouldn't ask you to do this if it wasn't so important.” Dammit why did he have to make total sense? Hasu was my friend too but going so far as to follow him to school seemed a bit much. I was worried about the kid too, but he had all of us looking out for him. I hadn't had anyone looking out for me at his age. “Ryuu this isn't going to work.” “Actually it wasn't my idea. Isao set it up.” “Fuck!” That was it, that man seriously had it out for me. “Why did he do that?” Sora chuckled, “Ah well, he said something about not allowing you back to work until you'd learned your kanji.” “Fuck him! I've gotten along just fine without . . .” My voice trailed off as I realized Ryuu was giving me that look. The look that said I'd just made a fucking idiot of myself once again. “Dammit . . . you really are going to make me do this aren't you?” “You really have to ask?” *** I was so fucking bored it felt like I’d died and gone to hell. The drone of the teacher’s voice sounded more like a fly buzzing against a window. I’d laid my head down a long time ago. It was starting to cloud up outside and was probably going to be raining by the time school let out. Fucking hell . . . this couldn’t be real. There was no way I was actually sitting in a fucking classroom. “Arakaki-kun, would you like to solve the problem on the board?” Sighing I raised my head. “No and fuck off.” There was a collective gasp and I realized what I’d just said. “I-I mean . . . uhh-“ “Arakaki Kenta we do not speak to our teachers like that!” That was Oda, the class president or whatever. He was glaring at me like he’d like to shove his pen through my eyeball. I glared at him till he looked away, his cheeks turning red. As if some little kid like him could intimidate me. Hah! Got it right that time. I turned back to see the teacher walking down the aisle toward me. Ah fuck, what now? “Arakaki-kun.” He looked down at me, just like every adult had ever looked down at me. “I do not tolerate that kind of talk or behavior in my class. You can either solve the problem and take a zero grade for the day or go see the director.” And people wondered why I thought school was such a fucking waste of time. “What problem? I don’t see a fucking thing on the board.” He set his jaw and I flinched as he pointed for the door. “Out. Now.” I made sure to slam it on my way out, hearing a couple of yelps from the girls. God, what a bunch of- . . . my eyes widened as I realized Ryuu was standing in the hallway looking very, very put out. He just shook his head and crooked a finger at me. Oh fuck. He was silent as we walked toward the main office. We stopped at the door and I fidgeted for a moment trying to figure out what to say. “Listen, Ryuu . . .” “Don't say it Kenta, okay. Just don't. I guess I should have trusted Isao when he said you'd do your best to get out of this by acting out.” He glanced sidelong at me, the gray eyes disapproving. “I really thought you had Hasu's best interests at heart Kenta.” Ouch, that hurt. “Ryuu I do, its just . . . I dropped out of school when I was fourteen, this is just a lot to deal with right now . . . okay. I-I promise I'll try to do better, but I don't get any of this high school stuff.” Turning to me Ryuu put his hands on my shoulders and leaned down slightly so we were eye to eye. “Kenta, don't play dumb. I know exactly how smart you are. You can do this. I know you can. Prove Isao a liar and show him that you can stick with this. Please.” Numb I nodded slowly. “Okay, but can I not have math class?” Ryuu chuckled and kissed my forehead. “Sorry my dearest, but that's part of the standard curriculum. Akira could tutor you, he's really good at math.” “Fine. Whatever. But, I'm only doing this until we figure out what's up with Hasu.” “Sure thing. I already miss having you at the house and we haven't even started getting unpacked!” I snorted. “Its all your shit anyway, you can unpack it.” “Hey now I tried to get you to pick out stuff but all you'd do was just gripe about how there was too much shit to pick from.” “Fuck off.” He giggled and kissed me lightly. “Maybe later. Oh and don't forget your doctor's appointment is tomorrow” “I remember. You probably shouldn't do that where people can see you . . .” I could feel my cheeks heating up as I met the startled look of a teacher behind Ryuu. He straightened up and followed my look. He grinned and waved. “Good morning!” Her face suddenly went bright red and clutching her papers to her chest she darted into the office, all but running into the door in her haste. Ryuu and I both laughed and I leaned up to kiss him again. “I better go. I'm more than ready for this day to be over so I can get back home.” “Awww so cute! You do miss me!” “Shut up and go home, dork.” I couldn't keep the smile off my face. Fuck me but I'm hopeless when it comes to the weirdo. The rest of the day dragged by. By the time I got home I was sick with a pounding headache and the nearly overwhelming urge to break things. Ryuu greeted me at the door, but his smile disappeared almost instantly. “You are in pain! Go sit now.” He barely gave me a chance to get my shoes off before he was pulling me over to the couch. The sudden movement made my head swim and I stumbled against him. “Kenta! Are you alright? What's wrong?” “Justa fucking headache.” I sank down on the couch and laid my head over on the cool pillow. My eyes felt like they were going to explode out of my head with the pounding in my skull. I opened them a few minutes later as a hand was placed on my forehead. “Here, some water and an aspirin.” “Thanks.” “Was today really that bad?” Ryuu sounded worried as I took the pills. “You look beat.” “It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, but it's weird. The teacher would be writing stuff on the board but I couldn't see anything. I finally just gave up after a while when my headache got too bad.” Ryuu was frowning, his eyes unfocused as he seemed to be thinking. “I think we need to talk to your doctor about this tomorrow when we go. You shouldn't be getting headaches like this.” “Yeah, okay. Do I have to go back tomorrow?” “Yes I'm sorry.”

Title: Boy Princess / Kiss me Princess Author : Kim Se young Genre : Drama,fantasy,gender Bender,Romance,Shoujo,Shoujo Ai, Yaoi Manhwa Synopsis : A pulse-quickening tale of swords and sorcery, far-away kingdoms, and the fairest princess in all the land... with a twist. When a prince's soon-to-be-bride (Elena) elopes two days before their wedding, her desperate family dresses up their youngest son (Nicole) and sends him to get married in her place (with prince Jed). With his beautiful blue eyes, flowing blond hair, and strategically placed apples, nobody bats an eye at the pretty pubescent standing before them. But how long can he keep up the charade? Despite the odds against them, the two princes share adventures and intimacies in this mesmeric romance. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Download link removed by scanlator's request Read Boy Princess Online Boy Princess

I... I can't... I can't understand HOW.. HOW on earth I missed to mention Mana-sama T__T *tries to pic out the best shots* I apologise for coming pic-spam xD (To the left!) And best for last~~ *p*

I like both DBSK/THSK/TVXQ - Love In The Ice Shigeobeorin Chageun Son Chagapke Tteollineun Ipsul Amu Ildo Eopseotdago Kogae Sugin Chae Nugungareoul Chu-eokaneun Ne Moseub Turyeowun Keoni Ibaneseo Maemdoneun Mal Yaesseo Samkimyeo Wimyeonhaeseotdeon Twilmoseubi Saehayan Nuncheoreom Chogeumshik Noganaeryeo Eoduweojin Pamaneureul Tteonaji Anneun Pyeolcheoreom Sarangiran Mideumeuro Yeongweonhi Hamkke Haneun Kkum Keu Saram Naega Twil Su Ittdamyeon Tashi Hanbeon Kudeobeorin Keudae Mameul Yeongweonhi Ttaseunhameuro Kamssa Aneul Keoya Hyeonshiri Pyeoge Pudijyeo (Shiryeo-oneun Kaseumirado) Heulleo Naerin Nunmuri Keuteneun Heuryeojyeogadeon Pit Chulgiga (Eodum Sogeul Hwanageh Pichugo) Ih Shiganeh Seumyeodeureo Sumi Meojeul Peokchan Kaseume Tteugowun Chewoneul Seoro Neukkil Su Isseo Nugurado Ango Ittneun Sangcheowa Kipeun Hansumdeul Keureo-ana Chul Su Ittneun Keu Kongganeul Chatko Isseo Na Tan Han Saram Keudaeyehgehman Soksagineun Seolle-ime Nuni Pushin Keunari Sesang-i Twiyeo Kyeoteh Isseul Teni Sesang Kkeuteh Hullo (My Heart) Namgyeojyeotdago Honjayeotdago (Don’t be afraid) Aju Oraedorok (Let you know my love) Naega Chikyeonael (You Know) Sarang-inikka (Let you know my love) Eoduweotjin Pamhaneureul Tteonaji Anneun Pyeolcheoreom Sarang-iran Mideumeuro Yeongweonhi Hamkke Haneun Kkum Keu Saram Naega Twil Su Ittdamyeon Tashi Hanbeon Kudeobeorin Keudae Mameul Yeongweonhi Ttaseuhameuro Kamssa Aneul Kkeoya Japan Version: Hero: Tsumetai sono te kimi so seijanai Osanaki hibi hotta kizukakae Max: Dareka wo aiseru koto osoruteru no Kotoba no uragawa se wo mukete Micky: Dakishimeta kokoro ga koori no you ni Sotto tokedasu All: Daremo ga dare ka ni aisereru tameni Kono you ni inochi wa kiramekaseru no sa Xiah: Sore ga moshimo boku nara Mou ichido kimi no kokoro wo Towa no yashashisa de atatameruyo Micky: Unmei no itazura Hero: Kokoro wo itametemo Micky n Hero: Sono namida no saki ni wa U-Know: Hitosuji no hikari ga Max: Yami no naka maiorite U-Know n Max: Bokura wa kizukusa Hero: Kurushii hodo ni tsuyoku kanji ya eru Hito no nukumori All: Daremo ga motteru kanashimi ya kodoku Iyashite moraeru basho saqashiteiru Sou kimini wa sono basho ga koko ni arusa osorenaide Mou mayowanaide Boku ya mamoru Xiah: Setsuani hodo (Hero: My Heart) Utsukushii ai dakara (U-Know: Don’t be afraid) Hakanai hodo (Max: Let u know my mind) Uruwa shii (Micky: U know ...) Kono toki wo (Micky: Let you know my love) All: Daremo ga dare ka ni aisereru tameni Kono you ni inochi wa kiramekaseru no sa Sore ga moshimo boku nara Mou ichido kimi no kokoro wo Towa no yashashisa de atatameruyo [Jaejoong] Tsumetai sono te kimi no seijanai Osanaki hibi hotta kizukakae [Changmin] Dareka wo aisuru koto osoreteru no Kotoba no uragawa se wo mukete [Yoochun] Dakishimeta kokoro ga koori no you ni Sotto tokedasu [Jaejoong] Daremo ga dare ka ni aisareru tameni Kono you ni inochi wo kiramekaseru no sa [Junsu] Sore ga moshimo boku nara Mou ichido kimi no kokoro wo Towa no yasashisa de atatameruyo [Yoochun] Unmei no itazura [Jaejoong] Kokoro wo itametemo [Yoochun + Jaejoong] Sono namida no saki ni wa [Yunho] Hitosuji no hikari ga [Changmin] Yami no naka maiorite [Yunho + Changmin] Bokura wa kizukusa [Jaejoong] Kurushii hodo ni tsuyoku kanji ya eru Hito no nukumori Daremo ga motteru kanashimi ya kodoku Iyashite moraeru basho sagashiteiru Sou kimi ni wa sono basho ga koko ni arusa Osorenaide mou mayowanaide Boku ga mamoru [Junsu] Setsunai hodo ([Jaejoong] My heart) Utsukushii ai dakara ([Yunho] Don't be afraid) Hakanai hodo ([Changmin] Let you know my mind) Uruwa shii ([Yoochun] You know) Kono toki wo ([Yoochun] Let you Know my love too) [All] Daremo ga dare ka ni aisareru tameni Kono you ni inochi wo kiramekaseru no sa Sore ga moshimo boku nara Mou ichido kimi no kokoro wo Towa no yasashisa de atatameruyo Translation: Love In The Ice It’s not your fault those hands are cold Carrying the scars from your childhood Are you afraid to love someone? Turning your back on the true meaning of the words Like ice, the embraced heart slowly begins to thaw For anyone to be loved by someone, Makes life in this world shine If it was me, I’d warm your heart again With everlasting tenderness Even if it's mischief or fate Even if it causes you heartache Ahead of your tears A single ray of light will descend into the darkness We'll realize that the more people suffer, the stronger people can feel people's warmth Everyone will experience sadness and loneliness Searching for a place to be healed So for you, that place is right here Don't be afraid Don't hesitate anymore I'll protect you The more heart-rending (my heart), the more beautiful love is (don't be afraid) So the more short lived, the lovelier this moment is For anyone to be loved by someone, Makes life in this world shine If it was me, I’d warm your heart again With everlasting tenderness

Kenta I watched Ryuu, my heart still feeling like it was gonna break outa my ribs. He was shaking, but there was a grin on his face. I wondered if maybe I was fucked up from getting hit in the head too much cause this didn’t seem fucking real. Ryuu hated blood, but it was splattered all over him now. I couldn’t see Rame where he was laying on the floor and I kinda didn’t want to. “Umm . . . Ryuu . . . can you help me?” “Oh! Oh yeah! Let me . . . what the fuck!” I yelped, jerking as he moved my leg pain shooting up my spine. “Kenta! Oh my god . . . how-why?“ “Just take it the fuck out . . .” “Okay . . .” He didn’t move. Just staring at me. “Fuck just do it Ryuu, it’s killing me.” I tried to relax but the way the fucker had strung me up it was almost impossible. I gasped as Ryuu moved my leg up. “How many?” “Three . . . I think . . .” “He stuck three of them-“ “Yes Ito, and I can’t get them out on my own okay.” “I know, okay, hang on I’m going to go get some lube, though I don’t know. Maybe I should take you to the hospital.” “Fuck no! Come on Ryuu . . . you can do this, please. You’ve got to help me.” I was going to start crying again if he didn’t do something soon. “I know, calm down . . . I just don’t want to hurt you.” “I’m already fucking hurting.” He got up and rummaged around on the floor. After a moment he was back in my line of sight holding up a bottle of lube. “Alright, I’m going to take the first one out.” I shuddered as he spread the cold lube around. I didn’t like the overly full and stretched feeling at all and I was simply in too much pain to try pushing the bottles out. Why the hell Rame thought it was funny to shove Ryuu’s make up bottles up my ass I’ll never know. I just wished Ryuu bought smaller bottles. I clenched my jaw as he slowly pulled the first one out. “Kenta you are bleeding!” “No fucking kidding. Just hurry the fuck up.” “I-I don’t . . . see the other one, can you-“ “No . . . it hurts too much.” “Oh god Kenta, I’m so sorry. Okay . . . let me umm . . .” I yelped, my legs shaking as he slid two fingers up inside me. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Just-ah there it is, let me try something.” I think I blacked out after that cause I don’t really remember what he did exactly. *** I was pissed as hell when I woke up. “You fucking took me to the fucking hospital you fucking jerk!” “Kenta, stop yelling or you’ll rupture something. Again.” Sora flicked me in the ear. “Ouch, leave me the fuck alone.” “Ryuu is right, you are cute when you pout.” I glared up at Sora. “Fuck off. Where is Ryuu anyway?” “Aww are you missing him already?” Sora teased. “Don’t make me get out of this bed.” “He’s only been gone like five minutes. Sheesh, calm down already, he went to go to the bathroom and didn’t want you waking up alone.” I didn’t know what to say to that so I just laid there staring at the ceiling. “Is he okay?” “Not really. I mean, physically he’s doing better than you, but he-he’s really depressed. He’s scared you are going to be upset with him.” “Of course he is.” I sighed and felt something pull where there shouldn’t be any kind of feeling. I looked up at Sora. “So why am I in the hospital anyway?” Sora sat back and took a deep breath. “Well, Ryuu panicked when you passed out and called the paramedics. They kinda freaked when they got there and the cops were called too. It was like a scene from a crime drama.” “How do you know?” I cocked an eye brow at Sora who coughed and looked away. “Er-umm well, Ryuu called me before he called the cops and I was still just down the street . . .” He glanced at me, then quickly looked away. “You were in pretty bad shape. They did surgery last night to repair the damage.” “D-damage?” “Ah . . . I’ll let Ryuu talk to you about that.” I was just about the tell him off, when the door slid open and a very worn looking Ryuu walked in followed by Hasu. “You’re awake!” I had about two seconds to prepare myself and then Ryuu was smothering me with kisses. “Ryuu-ouch . . . easy-ouch, stop for a fucking sec-“ He wasn’t listening. Sora finally pulled him off of me. “Calm down Ryuu.” Ryuu was pretty much ignoring him and grabbed my hand holding it to his chest. That’s when he started sobbing. “Aww fuck Ryuu, don’t cry.” I tried to reach over with my other hand, but the I.V. line stopped me. I saw Sora gesture to Hasu and they both quietly left the room, Hasu waving and Sora winking at me. It took me a while to get Ryuu calmed down but he finally quit crying and pulled a chair up beside the bed. Laying his head on the mattress next to mine he put one hand in my hair, the other stroking my arm. I’d almost drifted back to sleep when his soft singing woke me. The sound of his voice gave me chills and I didn’t know what to do so I just laid there and listened. Wrapped up in your eyes Black and blue from the breath of you All of these subtle lies You thought to hide Deceitful dreamer so devout, Did you think you could hide your naked heart? I will kiss you so that a sigh cannot slip out. Wrapped up in your voice Black and blue from the hate of you Do I have any choice? Is all of this tenderness untrue? Deceitful dreamer so devout, Did you think you could slip away unseen? I will kiss you so that even a sigh cannot slip out Wrapped up in your love Black and blue from the want of you All of these schemes I am sick of Deceitful dreamer so devout, Did you think you could tame me? I will kiss you so that even a sigh cannot slip out. Wrapped up in this shroud Black and blue from the sight of you All of this is not something I vowed Deceitful dreamer so devout. Did you think you could hinder me? I will kiss you so that even a sigh cannot slip out. I turned to look at him feeling a tear slide down my cheek and quickly wiped it away. He caught my hand. “Don’t Kenta. Don’t hide it. You are allowed to cry.” “Ryuu . . .” I’d heard him sing so many times before, but never just for me and to me. The pressure in my chest was choking me. His words made so much sense and the emotion he put into it broke my heart all over again. “It’s okay to cry Kenta. You had something horrible happen to you. It doesn’t mean you are weak. You are the strongest person I know. You’ve put up with me all these years, you’ve taken beatings that would have killed other people. You saved all of our lives. You are my savior.” “No Ryuu . . . you are mine.” I tugged at his arm and he nestled closer, warm soft lips pressing to my forehead for a moment. “I would have been dead in some fucking alley if not for you. No shut the fuck up for a minute. This isn’t easy.” Reaching up I touched his cheek. “I fucked up and I’m sorry. I just . . . after what happened to my sister I guess I never got over feeling so helpless and useless. I didn’t want to fail you like that and-“ “Wait you have a sister?” “Had, she’s dead.” “Oh Kenta, I’m sorry.” “So am I. I’m the one who found her. Her fucking boyfriend beat her to death in our apartment.” “Kenta!” “Yeah, that happened when I was thirteen. So you know what I did. I got a baseball bat from my neighbor and I went and found the fucker outside the bar he was always at and beat him until the bat broke. By that time some fucker had called the police. I got charged as an adult and sent to fucking juvie for three years and he got nothing for murdering my sister.” I couldn’t talk anymore partly because I’d started crying again and then because Ryuu was kissing me. When he finally let me go so I could breathe he smiled at me his fingers playing with my hair. “We can talk more about this later, okay? You look exhausted and way too pale. I’m so sorry about your sister Kenta. I can’t imagine what that must have been like, but I promise I’m not going anywhere. Alright. Go to sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.” I nodded, the pressure in my chest easing. Even if Ayame was gone, I had Ryuu. “Thanks and Ryuu . . . I love you.”

Kenta I stared at Ryuu. “What?” He raised his eyebrows at me his voice hard. “You heard me.” He turned to walk back down the stairs and I rushed to stop him, grabbing his arm. “Ryuu, why-“ I rocked back a step, the side of my face on fire. Ryuu jerked away from me, his glare hurting almost as bad as my face. He’d just fucking slapped me. I blinked several times as his face blurred. I’d been punched, kicked, beaten with a baseball bat, tazered, cut, and stabbed, so why did this pain hurt so much worse? No beating I’d ever endured had prepared me for this kind of agony. It wasn’t that the slap didn’t hurt. It fucking did. What hurt worse was the fact that he’d actually fucking hit me. He’d never once, ever been mad enough at me to hit me. Knowing he was that upset with me was fucking painful in way I wasn’t ready for. “Don’t touch me. You think I’d forgive you so easily for pulling this kind of shit Arakaki?” “Ryuu please! Don’t be mad at Kenta.” “Shut up Hasu. This has nothing to do with you.” I wanted to say something, anything, but no words came. They couldn’t get passed the horrible pain that was making breathing next to impossible. Ryuu was still talking but I couldn’t really tell what he was saying over the pounding in my ears. I didn’t understand. Why would he fire me? Why was he so upset? I’d said I was sorry. I’d tried so hard to keep them all safe. I know I hadn’t been able to protect them like I should have, but fuck . . . “ . . . Are you even listening to me?” I looked up, Ryuu’s grey eyes harder than granite. He crossed his arms over his chest. “I asked you a question.” “Oh . . .” He sighed. “Never mind. I don’t care anymore. Nakamara will send you your last paycheck.” Was this really fucking happening? “Wait, Ryuu-I don’t understand . . .” “Of course you don’t.” I flinched at Ryuu’s biting tone, the ache in my chest getting sharper, threatening to break through the thin wall I was just barely keeping up. “You are such an idiot. I don’t know why you thought trying to do all this yourself was a good idea. Why do you have to be so fucking bull headed and stubborn? If you’d just admitted you needed help-fuck it. I’m done with you. I’m done with wondering when or if you’ll come home. I’m not going to be cheated on by some fucking illiterate thug who can’t even do the one fucking job he’s got. Give me your phone.” I was shaking, but I couldn’t stop it. Why was he doing this to me in front of everyone? It was humiliating. I’d never thought he could be so cruel. Pulling my phone out of my pocket I held it out not looking up. He snatched it out of my hand. He messed with it for a minute then handed it back. “Alright guys, let’s go. We’ve got better things to do.” Numb I stared down at my phone. He’d deleted his numbers, both his cell and his house number. This was it. He was breaking up with me. “R-Ryuu . . .” I gulped not sure what to do when my voice cracked. “I’m done talking to you Arakaki.” “Please Ryuu-“ I couldn’t talk anymore. My throat wouldn’t let the words out. “Shit Ryuu! This is too much!” Sora’s voice washed over me, but I was too drained to do anything but stand there. It was like I was back in the apartment the day I lost Ayame, I was losing everything all over again. I’d tried so hard but it was useless. I was useless. I’d failed Ryuu, failed Hasu, failed Ayame. I was nothing but a fucking failure. “Fuck Ryuu . . . do you have to be so mean.” I slowly realized I was alone standing on the sidewalk in front of the police station. My whole body shaking and I felt like puking. I glanced up as a shadow fell over me. Sora’s smile was pained as he looked at me. “Kenta . . . Kenta come on. I’ll talk to Ryuu, please stop crying.” “-m n-not crying.” “Sure, okay.” Taking my arm, Sora led me to a small café and had me sit down at a table in the very back. Everything felt completely unreal. I looked over at Sora, finally feeling the wetness on my face. Wiping it away I tried to get a handle on myself. “He broke up with me.” “Yeah he did.” “Why?” Sora shook his head and reaching over brushed some hair back from my face. “He’s just really upset and hurt right now Kenta. He still thinks you were cheating on him, all the stuff with Naoki aside.” “No! Not fucking ever.” “You don’t have to yell at me Kenta, I know. Hasu told me what happened. How you tried to help him. Now just try to calm down and breathe. Things will be okay I promise.” I nodded feeling light headed, yet also too heavy to move. I had to fix this. I couldn’t leave it like this, with Ryuu thinking I’d cheated on him. I loved him. I loved him and I didn’t ever want to be without him. I covered my face with my hands as another round of sobs overtook me. I’d lost so much in my life and I wasn’t about to lose Ryuu. I’d kill someone first. I hadn’t cried once since the day I’d found my sister dead. It seemed I was making up for lost time cause I cried till I puked then I cried some more. Sora was there through it all talking to me, trying to calm me down and getting me water when I needed it. I was really glad he’d taken me somewhere half way private so I wasn’t making a total ass of myself. I finally ended up sitting curled up in the chair clutching the water bottle Sora had given me. I was so fucking furious with myself it wasn’t even funny. “I gotta fix it Sora.” “Kenta . . . honestly I’ve never seen Ryuu this upset. He’s hurt and angry and feels betrayed. He’s not going to listen to reason until he calms down.” I nodded, my head feeling like someone had stuffed it full of spiked lead balls. My stomach hurt and just thinking of Ryuu made the pressure in my chest swell until it threatened to choke me. I gasped softly as I was suddenly being hugged by the big redhead. “Kenta . . . I am so sorry things turned out this way. I can’t stand to see you this upset.” Sora’s voice was soft. “I’m sorry Ryuu was so hateful about everything. You are the best thing that has ever happened to him and he knows it. Once he calms down and listens to Hasu, he’ll apologize. I know he will.” “I need to go talk to him. I have to tell him what really happened.” Sora let me go and sat back. He took a breath and slowly blew it out. “If you think so Kenta. Don’t expect him to listen at first though.” “I know.” *** I rode the bus over to Ryuu’s apartment. The setting sun was reflected in the windows of the different apartments as I got off the bus. I wondered if I should even bother going up. Ryuu's apartment felt more like home now than anywhere I'd ever lived and the thought of never going back there sent a sick hollow feeling through me. I headed inside trying to think of ways I could make things up to Ryuu. It was not going to be easy. Everyone distrusted me now and I knew that was going to take a long time to fix. I was staring at the floor as I got into the elevator and didn't look up as someone joined me. A soft snicker make me look up and I nearly gasped in shock, my hand instantly going to the knife on my belt. Rame never gave me a chance to pull it. Grabbing me around the neck he slammed me into the back wall of the elevator. "I was looking for you." I tried to fight him, but it was like I had no strength left. I found himself marched out of the elevator and to the door of Ryuu's apartment. "Open it." Rame’s breath was hot on my ear and I jerked my head to the side. "You have to let go of me." I managed from between clenched teeth. The grip on my wrists lessened and I winced as I was able to bring my arms down from where they had been twisted up behind my back. I was already trying to formulate a plan. If only I still had my knife but it was on the floor of the elevator. My fingers trembled slightly as I unlocked the door. Rame didn't give me a chance to open it, grabbing my arm and shoving the door open himself. I stumbled into the apartment, trying to right myself. I shifted getting into a fighting stance only to have Rame laugh at me. "You really think you can fight me in your condition? Pathetic. What does that idiot singer see in you anyway?" I blocked the punch to my face and deflected the one aimed at my ribs, but I was already worn down and exhausted. Rame wasn’t. I yelped as the next punch sent me sprawling, cracking my head on the tile. I struggled to get my eyes to focus as Rame leaned down over me. "You've got a lot of payback coming your way, bitch." Rame’s chuckle made the hair on the back of my neck stand up and I flailed trying to get loose. "Struggle all you want Kenta. It turns me on."

Ryuu I looked up as the bathroom door opened. I was sitting wrapped in a blanket on the couch in Akira’s apartment. Sora and Hasu were on the floor at my feet. Sora had Hasu wrapped in another blanket and was holding him. Hasu had finally calmed down and was dozing. Akira was in the kitchen getting us all something to drink. Reiko came out of the bathroom looking haggard and too old for her eighteen years. She’d been crying. That much was easy to tell from the bloodshot eyes and the way she tried to hide under her bangs as she walked into the living room. "A-Ano, I talked with Nakamara and he's going to take care of things. We have to stay put though. We are safest here." Sitting down she kept her head bowed, the long dark blue striped hair hiding her face. "I'm sorry guys. I really am." "Wh-what is going on Reiko?" I was trying very hard to keep my composure. After everything that had happened yesterday and this morning I was afraid to ask. Before Reiko could answer, my phone rang. Instantly recognizing the tone, I grabbed it up seeing the text message notification. I held it, just looking at the display for a moment. I was frightened to see what he had to say. Part of me didn’t ever want to see him again while the other part was desperate to get him back. I knew he was hurt and had spent the night in the hospital, but I’d been so wrapped up in what had happened at the apartment and dealing with Hasu’s hysterics and my own panic attacks I hadn’t called or even texted him. I slid the phone open and hit the button. I love you and I'm sorry. Shutting the phone I stared at it. A foreign surge of anger rushed through me for a moment I just stood there before throwing the phone across the room. It shattered against the far wall the pieces clattering to the floor. Hasu yelped and I heard Sora cuss but it barely registered. “I’m going to beat him. Who the fuck does he think he’s fooling! This whole time and he never once-not fucking once-says he loves me. Until now. I swear I’m gonna find him and beat him-“ “Ryuu, calm down.” I turned to glare at Reiko, not about ready to calm down. This was too much. “No! He’s cheating on me with some nasty little escort and then he lets Hasu get kidnapped by Naoki who did who knows what to him-” “Ryuu!” “No Sora, I know Naoki, I know what he’s like. For Kenta to let this happen and then you getting hurt too, I’ve had enough. He’s lied and avoid me for long enough. I’m going to go find him.” “Ryuu you can’t! Just think for a minute okay. I know you are upset, we all are, but putting yourself in danger is not going to help anything.” Sora grabbed my arm before I could open the door. “Ryuu! Sit down and think for a minute. “ I didn’t want to think. It was too painful. If I could be angry then I didn’t have to feel the hurt. The feeling that something was clawing away my insides until a hollow bleeding shell was left was replaced by the hot ache of anger. After everything we’d been through together, even before we started dating, how could he betray-not just me-but all of us? If it had just been him screwing around with some escort I would have been upset, but I could have forgiven him. But letting Hasu get kidnapped and possibly molested by my ex-boyfriend and his former cell mate? When he knew and had known for a while that we were being targeted and had kept everything to himself? I couldn’t forgive that. I wouldn’t. After a moment I realized Sora had led me back to the couch and made me sit down. Hasu laid his head over on my knee, his brown eyes somber as he glanced up at me. “Ryuu . . . I’m okay. He didn’t-he didn’t do what you think. Please don’t be mad at Kenta he came to-” “Guys, Kenta got arrested.” Reiko burst into the apartment startling me. I hadn’t realized she’d left. She slammed the door behind her and took a deep breath. “Naoki named him as an accomplice. The cops picked him up at his apartment and he’s in jail now.” “They can’t do that!” I jumped started by Hasu’s outburst. “Sora we have to leave right now. Reiko where is the station. God damn it get up! We have to go now!” I blinked a few times never having seen Hasu in such a state before. He was on his feet, the bruising livid against his pale skin, but his eyes were sharp and dared any of us to disagree with him. Sora and I looked at each other. I shrugged, not sure what else to do. Hasu never demanded anything. Except food. We arrived at the police station about half an hour later. I hung back as the others headed in, Hasu in the lead. Sora was right behind Hasu, but kept looking back at me as if he wasn’t sure who he should stay with. I waved him on. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to face Kenta yet or not. “Ryuu, come on.” Reiko took my arm, gently pulling me forward. “I think you need to hear what Hasu has to say.” In the end none of us got to hear what Hasu told the detectives. They took him to a private room. We sat outside the station on the steps, none of us really talking for the hour he was gone. Sora was the first to see him when he came out. “Hasu! How did it . . . Kenta?” I got up turning to see Kenta standing behind Hasu. A stab of pain shot through me seeing him bandaged and bloody. Though that wasn’t what really caught my attention. He wouldn’t look at us. His eyes focused on the ground. Hasu on the other hand was beaming. “I told them everything that happened. They had to let Kenta go because he didn’t have anything to do with it. In fact Rame tried to-“ Hasu stopped looking back at Kenta who had put a hand on his shoulder. He shook his head slightly and Hasu nodded. “Anyway, we can go home now! Everything is better . . . right?” Hasu was looking at me. I started up the stairs and stopped in front of him and Kenta. Kenta didn’t even look up. It irritated me. He’d gone and been his usual bull headed self and it had gotten all of us hurt. “Kenta.” He finally raised his head, our eyes meeting. The pain in them was raw and it would have been easy to let it sway my decision except that Hasu was right there, bruises and all. No it was too late. “You are fired.”

*** The sound of voices woke me. Of course they did, the walls in my apartment were thinner than paper. Wait . . . this wasn’t my apartment. Why was I in the hospital? Sitting up took a lot of effort and not a little pain. Fuck. That fucking piece of fucking shit had really enjoyed himself. Hopefully Daisuike hadn’t sliced him up yet. I wanted to be the one to do it. I looked over as the door opened surprised to see Isao and Reiko. Neither of them looked happy, in fact they looked like they had been arguing. Isao glanced over at Rei who was glaring at me. My heart did an odd little skip-hop that kinda hurt. “You really are scum you know that Kenta? Playing hero, pretending you’ve spent the last month ‘investigating’. You obviously weren't doing shit but fucking around with another guy so don't pretend." She stalked over to the bed. I flinched away from her as she leaned down, too startled by what she was saying to respond. "I don't want you to ever show your face around my boys ever again. I don't want you going near Ryuu. You hurt him beyond anything you probably ever can repair you piece of shit. You failed all of them not only as a bodyguard, but as a friend. We trusted you and all you did was stab us in the back." "You don't know shit." I finally managed around the lump that was stuck in my throat. "I spent a month chasing leads and working to find out who the shit head was. You and your contacts didn't even know that there was a stalker! I did everything I could-" "By lying and cheating. Great way to protect us Kenta. By destroying our trust in you, by stabbing us in the back? If you hadn't tried to play the hero, none of this would've happened. If you had told someone that there was a stalker the problem would have never gotten this far. Hasu wouldn't be afraid of anyone touching him and Ryuu wouldn’t need to be sedated most of the day! You know, surprisingly I'm not as upset as I would've thought I might have been about the whole Naoki thing. What I'm most upset about is you cheating on Ryuu, hurting Ryuu, lying to Ryuu. He loved you. He still fucking does probably. When I left he was clutching a picture of you with another guy, crying and blaming himself for all of this. You have no idea what you have done to him. You hurt him worse than Naoki ever did.” Fucking hell . . . that was not fair at all. Where the hell was she getting the idea that I’d been cheating on Ryuu? From some pictures someone took of me? But when and where? I’d only been at that fucking gay bar to get information, not screw around with some stupid escort. Anger was quickly replacing the hurt. "What the fuck? I never cheated on him. You base your whole assumption that I cheated on a few photos some guy you've probably never met took? What the fuck Reiko! So I had to do some things I didn't really want to do to find the info I needed. Yeah, I fucked up. I could have done things differently, but so could you. We both fucked up when it came to protecting them. I'm not fucking perfect, not like you always pretend you are, ordering everyone around." I was starting to shake I was so upset. Cheating on Ryuu had never once even entered my mind. I loved the idiot. For Reiko to believe that I would cheat on Ryuu was another blow. I thought she and I were friends, maybe not close friends but hell, I’d saved her life. Wasn’t that worth something? "If you didn't act like a fucking whore then maybe my contact would've have taken pictures that let us assume you have! What else are we suppose to assume when you're seen at a fucking gay bar with an escort!" Stepping back she turned walking off. “Don’t show your face around here again Arakaki."

Kenta Clouds were floating overhead. Bright, puffy balls of . . . puffiness. That one looked like a squid. And that one looked like Isao’s face. No that was Isao’s face. I blinked several times. “Yeah, he’s got a concussion and he’s not very coherent.” “Where did you find him?” “At that bar Ichimura mentioned. Someone beat the living shit out of him and . . . well . . . he was naked when we found him.” “Seriously?” Who were they talking about? Whoever it was I felt sorry for them. A hand was placed on my head. I wanted to shake it off, but didn’t have the energy. “You probably better take him to a clinic.” “Yeah, how are the other boys? You got those two fuckers taken care of?” Isao sounded very worried. “Hasu won’t quit crying and keeps saying it’s his fault. Ryuu’s not much better. Sora has his hands full, poor guy. We got the one fucker, Ryuu’s ex. Sora just about killed him. He had glass imbedded in his skull.” “What about the other guy?” “He got away. I have no idea how, but he took down Jiro.” Why did that news give me such a horrible stomach ache? I turned my head slightly so I could see who was talking and a sudden massive wave of dizziness had me wondering which was up and down. “Whoa! Easy there Kenta, you shouldn’t be trying to move.” I whimpered as fingers gripped me propping me back upright. Hayate was peering down at me. I tried to smile but quickly decided that my face wasn’t up to it. “Fucking hell.” At least that’s what I tried to say, came out more like ‘fffklll.’ “Yeah, don’t move okay. I’m going to take you to a clinic.” Not another fucking clinic. ***

:msn_red_fox 1

My favorite Asian guy is Kim Jae-Wook