18+ <<Lost Heart>>

[Bloodysadist]

Ich.- My story

 

When you want to escape from the reality what are you doing? Laying on your bed and crying for not being able to change the things?

Telling yourself that someday everything will change to better?

What if everyone around you abondon you?What if your so called friends blame you for their own unhappy moments?

What if...the world turns against you?

Would you just run like a scared cat?Or you'd show to all of them that YOU can survive?

 

Let me tell you my story - I who had everything I wanted and I who lost everything,because of one simple mistake,being leaded by my own emotions.

 

17 May,2009

 

"Yoshino-kun!You finally arrived." my girlfriend - Amano Riku.

 

"Riku-chan,I'm so sorry.Will you forgive me?" that's right I still haven't introduced myself,right? I'm Suzuki Yoshino,2nd year in a private high school Majisuka.

 

"If it's you,I can forgive you everything." Riku grinned - how naive she was.I hate such girls.

 

"How cute your smile is." I could see her blushing face.Only with few simple words,every girl would melt like her.That was how all of them were - a bunch of idiots.

 

"Yoshino-kun...I...I think I'm ready to do it with you." finally,that's what I was waiting for.Once I had her,I'd just break up with her.

 

"Eh?Really?Are you sure it's a good idea?" I didn't really expect that she'll give up so easy.

 

"Mn,I love you so much Yoshino-kun." Stop talking such nonsenses girl.Like you know what the real meaning of love is.

 

"I love you too,Riku-chan." I hugged her,just to not make her change her mind.

 

18 May,2009

 

"So,you really did it with her in the end?" Kurou Hayato - my best friend.

 

"Yeah,of course." I grinned,while both of us were heading to school.

 

"And how was it?" Kurou asked.He knew me very well,but still he wanted to know.Sex for me was nothing special - just something you do for the fun.

 

"You know what I think about this,right? It was like every other time." No matter that every time he had asked me about this,he was receiving the same answer,the same conversation had been repeated again and again.

 

"But Yoshino...if you think like that every time you have girlfriend,you'll never be able to feel what real love is." Love?What was actually the meaning of this word?Was love that important for us?I didn't really have these answers,but I knew one thing - I didn't need love to make my live better.I had everything I wanted.

Look,status,money - weren't these things the most important ones for us - humans?

 

"Let's go,we are late." I was tired of hearing Kurou blaming me for being what I'm.I couldn't really change myself - or so I thought.

 

The day passed really slowly like always.Riku came to ask me if she did something wrong.Why I broke up with her?Was she not enough good for me?All these questions - I hated them.I hated how annoying all the girls are becoming once you leave them.Don't they have anything other to worry about?

Thanks god in the end she just gave up and leaved me alone.Ah,I wasn't doing anything wrong right?

 

On the way home,I saw few couples walking around,laughing,holding hands.

'Annoying.' was the only think I could think of seeing them all happy and stuff.What was so good in being in relationship?It was only causing troubles,if you ask me.

 

Just when I reached my house,I saw someone standing in front of the gates of my house.Who was it?Compared to me,he looked way taller with light brown hair and a hood,that was hiding his face.

 

"Excuse me.." I tried to sound as polite as I could.Maybe he was just some of the staff in the house.

 

"Are you living here?" the male asked.

 

"Isn't it better to introduce yourself first mister.Don't you know who I'm - Suzuki Yoshino the son of Suzuki Mio." Maybe I sounded a bit too arrogant?Who cares,I won't meet him again anyway.

 

"Your mouth is as bad as your own character Yoshino-kun.." the mysterious male grinned,walking past me ready to leave.In the last moment he stopped,placing his hand on my shoulder,whispering - "You'll soon see your worst nightmare coming true. "

 

Before I could even react,I heard a shot,coming from my house.I ran as fast I could,but it was too late...

Opening the door of my mother's room I saw her lover...Why was he holding a gun? Why was my mother laying on the bed in a puddle of blood.

 

"M-mom.." I tried to call her,my voice was shacking.

 

"Y-yoshino.." that bastard - her lover,called my name.He seemed surprised.Maybe he wasn't expecting that I'll come back home so early?

 

The next memory I have is the worst,I still can hear him screaming,while I was...killing him.Yeah,I killed him,with the same gun he shot my mother.

That night,seeing her laying there,seeing him with a gun,what could I do?If I didn't kill him,he would surely shot me,like he did with my mother.After all..I was the only witness of that crime.

 

The only survivor of the Suzuki family and one that was now laying in underaged prison for killing his family.No matter that I didn't kill my mother,the police didn't believe me.After all,I was too stupid back then,letting my emotions in front of them.Ah,only if I could change the things.

Only if...I knew that 'he' saw everything.Only...if I had opened my eyes earlier about the cruel reality around me.Only if I knew my mother's lover was with her just because of her money.

Only if I was strong enough to save her.

[Bloodysadist]

IIch. - To die or fight?

 

19 June,2009

 

One whole month passed from my mother's dead.Unfortunately I couldn't be there..in her funeral,to see her for a last time.I wanted to tell her so many things.

How much I love her.How much I'll miss her.I wanted to apologize for being such a bad son.I wanted to see her beautiful face one last time.

Only if I didn't kill that male...No,I shouldn't regret that now.Even if I do that everyday,the time won't come back.

 

After the incident,non of my so called "friends" came to see me.Non of my kinsfolk even tried to pull me out of that underaged prison.

I was abandoned by them all.All the people I believed in...they were all gone now.Non of them cared how am I.If I need something.If I'm even alive.

 

20 May,2009

 

"Is he the new prisoner?"

 

"So it seems."

 

"He looks young."

 

"He is just 17 years old,but killed his whole family."

 

"Are you kidding me?That child?"

 

"Be careful!I heard he is very dangerous."

 

With the first day in the prison,that's what I had to hear all the time.What was so interesting in talking about other people?Ah right,that's how we - humans were.In a place like this,that's was the only funny thing to do.

Everyone here was around my age,after all it was an underaged prison.Everyone under the age of 21 was getting in an underaged prison.

 

"Oi the new kid,what's your name?" one of the prisoners asked me.Name? I chuckled lightly,closing my eyes.What was my name..?Ah right,Suzuki Yoshino...the son of...No,I was no longer Suzuki.Everything I had -house,money,status,was no longer existing.

 

"Yoshino.." I mumbled,not even daring to look at the other man.I was scared.Scared of what was going to happen.Scared of all these guys around me..Scared of myself.If I was going to survive here?I had no idea back then.

 

"Oh...Yoshino...Yoshino...wait!Aren't you Suzuki Yoshino?The son of...How was her name again?Mio? Suzuki Mio?" how annoying was that brat.Why was so important to know that much?I wasn't going to be his friend or something.

 

"Ehh?So he is that famous rich boy?Woah,so why did you kill your mother?You wanted her money?Was she bad with you?" Shut up!Shut up!Shut up!

 

I kicked the chair next to me,glaring at the one who was speaking.

"Don't you even dare to mention my mother's name with your dirty mouth.You have no idea what happened,so shut the fuck up!" I shouted and everyone seemed to be shocked by my sudden change.

All these bastards had to know their place.No one had the right to talk about my mother!No one!

 

The next thing I remember was that I was beaten up.It wasn't like I didn't know how to fight,I studied karate till my 1st year in high school.Just,how to put it...After the incident,I had no desire to fight.

I can't really remember how many times I had been beaten in this one month.Ten...Fifteen,to be honest..I stopped feeling pain in the end.I soon stopped feeling anything at all.After a month in this place you forget what is that emotion.Here only one thing is important - Survive or die.

 

Well in my case..I'm somewhere in the middle.I'm still alive,but soon I think I'm going to die.I don't really find a reason to live,after all - I'm left alone here.

 

21 June,2009

 

After the serial beating,I was trying to cover from it,laying on my bed in the cell.I heard steps coming in my way and jumped immediately,no matter how badly I was feeling.

 

"Oi,Suzuki Yoshino,you have a letter." one of the superintendent threw a letter in the cell and leaved.Humans..once you fell down,no one will reach his hand for you.

I was surprised that I was having a letter.I thought that everyone forgot about me.I thought...I'm left alone in this prison.

 

Yoshino,it's me Kurou Hayato.You may wonder why am I writting you after such a long time.

There is one only reason - I wanted to tell how much I hate you.

Forget about me.Pretend that you don't even know who I'm.

Because of you,I had to leave school,my parents lost their business.

We moved from Tokyo and now my parents are trying to start over again.

And you know why all this happened - because my best friend is a murderer.

Do you understand what you did,Yoshino!? You killed your own mother!You are a monster.

Even if someday you are freed from the prison,don't even try to search me.

Farewell,Suzuki Yoshino.

 

-Kurou Hayato.

 

"N-no..." That was the end for me.Just when I thought I saw a light in this endless tunnel - everything ruined.My last hope,my heart..it were all no longer existing.I no longer had a reason to live.Now for real..

I felt that my tears started falling.When was the last time I cried?Ah right,when I was ten years old boy and my dad left.

 

You shouldn't cry Yoshino.Mom will be always by your side.

 

Liar!You said you're going to be by my side forever,didn't you? Then why!?Why did you have to die mom!?

I hugged my legs and buried my head there,letting out my voice.I was sure that no one will come and see what happens.

 

After hours of crying I finally fell asleep.The scene from that night was repeating like a nightmare in my head.The room,my mother laying on the bed,her lover holding a gun - would that memory even leave me?I doubt so.

 

 

You'll soon see your worst nightmare coming true.

 

 

I woke up immediately hearing these words.What was that? I swear I heard someone whispering them a second ago,but the cell was empty.There was no other except me in.I got up from the bed,walking slowly to the bars.I looked thru its,but there was no one in the corridor as well.

 

Turning around I noticed a small paper left on the floor.When?Was there really someone in the cell?I took the paper and seeing what was written there I fall on the ground.

 

You saw your worst nightmare already,are you ready to die or you are going to fight?

 

What was that?Who left that paper here?It wasn't possible - the man from that night...Was he here - in the prison?

[Matti_19]

A great new fiction! You don't know what will follow next and I think that's great. The characters are also very original. I like it very much!

[Bloodysadist]

III ch. - You're who!?

 

To live or die?Many people have to choose between these two simple words.Especially in the world we are living now.

Some of them choose to die,why you may ask - because they aren't enough strong?Because they don't want to face the reality and win against it?

What do you think?Which one is the right reason?

To live - the opposite of the death,but is it better if you choose that?If you aren't enough strong,if you are left alone,do you think you'll be able to survive?

Do you think you'll be able to win against the world...no against yourself?

 

I had to choose between these two words.My own live wasn't in my hands anymore.I had no idea who is actually deciding my fate right now,but to be honest,I wasn't sure if I want to know either.

 

22 June,2009

 

I couldn't sleep all night.Instead I tried to figure out who wrote the note?As far I knew,I wasn't sharing the cell with anyone.

 

"Suzuki Yoshino,go in the messroom." One of the superintendent came to unlock the cell.

I got up slowly,putting the small note in my pocket and heading to the messroom.I had a bad feeling about this,If I was going to be beaten again?

 

"Pss,he is here." Ah,here they started again.These idiots.Only if I wasn't all alone against them..I could show them how strong I'm,but you know...one against twenty..it's a bit impossible to win.

After all I was just 17 years old boy back then.

 

"Hey,hey let him rest a bit." another prisoner said,while I was getting my food.

 

"Ahahaha,but he is my favorite toy." the guy who was beating me nonstop - Akashi,finally got up,walking to me and throwing my food on the floor.

 

"Hey princess,why don't you let me have some fun with you.You know...I got tired only beating you.." he starting walking around me. "With such a face,you're quite cute,ya know?" he pulled back my hair.

Damn him,I tried to kick him...by instinct maybe..but he catched my leg,making me fall on the ground.

 

"Ahahaha,you surely don't understand your position right now." Akashi pressed his foot against my chest,making me cough.I glared at him,but that made the things even worse.

 

"Oi,Satoshi come here for a second." his best friend - Satoshi. "Can you hold him for a bit?"

 

"Tc,Akashi...I want to play with him as well." Satoshi lift me from the ground,holding my both hands.I tried to escape,but he was just...too strong.

 

"Hmm,okay after me,you can play with him as well." Was I really that miserable?Was that how everyone sees me? As the new whore in this damn underaged prison.Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! Find someone else,not me,you assholes!!

 

I have no idea where all this strength came from,but I managed to hit Satoshi with me head as hard as I could and for my surprise he fell on the ground,letting me go.

Everyone one in the messroom were shocked.I just knocked down one of the "bosses" in the prison.

 

"You son of a b*tch! I'll f*cking kill you,I swear!" Satoshi shouted getting up.

 

"You are dead,boy.." one of the other prisoners whispered,then stepped back.

Only me and these two monsters where now standing in the center of the room.How to put it..No matter how strange it may sound,I wasn't afraid of them at that one moment.I knew I won't win,but I also,for some unknown reason,believed that someday I'll become enough strong to win against them.

 

"What happened?Did you pee your pants?" Satoshi stepped forward,clenching his fist.

 

"Let's show him who we are.It seems he forgot what happened the last time when he tried to fight back." Akashi smirked,slowly walking to my direction.

 

What could I do?Run?No...that was a bad idea.To fight - like I would be able to.

 

"Hey,hey,hey~ Are you afraid?Come try to hit me..toy" Agrr,I hated that word so much!I didn't want to be called a toy!I wanted to fight..to..live!That's right,in that moment I chose - I was going to live no matter what.

 

 

 

Heh,interesting. someone grinned.Everyone turned to the direction from where the voice was coming.

I saw him...the male from that night was standing behind Akashi and Satoshi.His hood was still there and his hands in the pockets.I wanted to say something,but couldn't,I was speechless.

 

"What are you doing here,Nozawa Yu!?" Satoshi shouted.

 

"Are you trying to ruin our fun?" Akashi glared at the male.

 

"Oh come on guys,is that what you are calling 'fun'?"

 

WHAT?Was he crazy!?For a moment I thought he was here to help,but it seemed that he came just for the opposite.From that night,I knew I wouldn't like him.

 

"Tc...you're too naive Yu.That's why your father sent you here." Akashi lift his hand ready to hit Nozawa.I couldn't really understand what happened,but one thing was sure: A second after that,Akashi was on the ground.

 

"The reason why I came here..." Nozawa pulled Akashi by the hair,hitting his head in the floor "..has nothing to do with you."

 

I was scared!Really scared!That guy..he was crazy!His eyes...they were different now.The smile that was there on his face a minute ago,was no longer there.It was like..the guy from before disappeared.

 

"How dare you!" Satashi tried to kich Yu,but he - just like Akashi,fell on the ground.

 

"It seems you still didn't learn,eh?" Nozawa grinned,squating next to the two "bosses".

 

"Let me warn you,sweeties." he grabbed them both by their shirts,putting on his most gently smile "No one will even touch Suzuki Yoshino.If I understand that you or some of the others 'strong' idiots did something to him,be sure that I'll kill you." after his words,Nozawa got up and walked to me.

 

I'm scared... Was what I thought at the moment I saw him walking to me.I stepped back and he stepped forward.I stepped back and again he stepped forward.With few more steps I finally hit the wall.I started shivering.What was going to happen next?I tried to protect myself putting my hands in front of my face.

 

"Ahahaha,how cute." I heard him.He was already next to me.

 

"D-don't...hurt me.." I begged,falling on my knees.

 

"Hey,hey...I'm not going to beat you or something.Stand up." his voice sounded so soft.No matter that I was still scared of him,I managed to get up.

 

"Now,that's better." he patted my shoulder. "Let's go in your cell now." without even waiting for my answer he dragged me out of the messroom.

 

 

The next thing I can remember was from the next day.I'm not sure why though.If I fainted?I have no idea,but I knew one thing - the man with the hood was here - in the prison.

 

23 June,2009

 

I woke up with such a bad headache.I swear,my head was going to explode.I saw that I'm in my cell and looking around I saw him.

 

"You finally woke up." he said,coming closer.

 

"W-who are you?" Maybe because I was too scared yesterday,I couldn't remember his name.Patetic,ain't I?

 

"Nozawa Yu." he smiled lightly.

 

"Nozawa Yu.." I repeated his name. "Let me ask you something - How could you go out of the prison at that night,when you was in front of my house?"

 

"It's simple - I'm not a prisoner here." What?Then what was he doing here?

 

"What do you mean?" I blinked several times.

 

"Ahahaha,I'm the director's son." No,no,no! Tell me you're just kidding me?Please tell me it's not the truth!How was that even possible?Why was he here,in such place?Protecting me?Man,please...was that some joke?

 

"You're joking,right?Why would the son of the director stay in the prison?"

 

"Heh,I came here because of you."

[Matti_19]

The son of the director.. that explains why he had access in the prison!

I was thinking he was another prisoner at first

Totally like it!

[yaoifangirl]

I just found this fanfiction and I think is very good! :hamtaro-005 (12):

[Aoi]

Why didnt you tell me about this fanfiction?

I like the character Yoshino! *__*

[Bloodysadist]

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Ahahaha,sowwiehh XD Glad you like it,hehe ^=^