Life is Beautiful (BunBunTheCatSnake)

[Guest smolcat]

 

 

 

Name: Sevastian Hawley

Age: 27

Height: 6'1"

Weight: 150 lbs

Blood Type: O-

Sexuality: Bisexual

History: Sevastian was raised in a broken household. With his parents always breaking out into fights, the young boy was subjected to verbal and physical abuse. When he was about ten years old, Sevastian's mother left, leaving the boy to be raised by his father. Because he could no longer use his lover as a punching bag, Sevastian's father turned his hand against his son, and lashed out his frustrations on the boy. For years, the boy endured verbal, physical, and sexual abuse. When he got older, he took out his own frustrations with other students at school, but it never helped. He turned to self abuse before he'd even hit high school, and by the time he was legally allowed to move out, he'd already attempted suicide four times. There was little that kept him going. There seemed to be no hope, and no light at the end of the long, dark tunnel. Still, Sevastian found ways to survive, all while fighting his own mind. The battle lasted for years, and after his tenth suicide attempt, Sevastian finally sought help at the age of twenty-six. Although he still struggles with self abuse, and has an active fight with his demons, Sevastian is slowly recovering. And, little by little, after a few months, if nothing else, he's gaining reason to keep breathing. Even if they're small, even if each victory seems minor, it's a step in the right direction. And, for now, he's going to keep trying to reach recovery.

 

Personality: Sevastian is a bit rough around the edges. He's blunt, would still consider himself to be quite depressed, and is a bit of a cynic and a pessimist. He doesn't hold much faith to anything, isn't trusting of others, and always assumes the worst. And although he's often bad with his emotions, lashing out at others and doesn't have a good grasp on how to control his actions, he's not necessarily cruel. He has a conscious and doesn't like to inflict harm to others. Whenever he does lash out on someone else, he regrets it immediately afterward and has a hard time forgiving himself. Which is why, despite all of his demons, Sevastian tries to act kindly to others to the best of his ability. Even if he has a dim outlook on the world around him, he wouldn't want to drag anyone down with him, and hates seeing others suffer in the way he has. He's constantly at war with himself and the world, but he never intends to be malicious.

 

Hobbies and interests:

~ Smoking (Tobacco and occasionally weed)

~ Motorcycles

~ Ping Pong

~ Drinking

~ Weapons

~ Sex

~ Matches and fireworks

~ Card Games

~ Horror Movies

~ Stargazing

 

Disinterested in:

~ Traditionally feminine things

~ Getting emotionally invested in people

~ Reading

 

Other items of displeasure:

~ Black Coffee

~ Bright lights

~ Daylight

~ The snow

~ Being cold, in general

 

 

 

"Sevastian, no smoking inside the building. You know this," the voice spoke calmly and with more patience than the man in question was probably willing to work with, himself.

 

"Oh, fuck, right," Sevastian returned, as if he hadn't already been aware. He got up from where he'd been seated inside the circle and headed for the door. Stepping outside for a moment, the man dropped his cigarette on the concrete step and snuffed it out with his shoe, before he casually turned back inside.

 

The building was fairly lit, though not the more vibrantly decorated. Not that Sevastian could complain, he wasn't big on bright colors anyway. The stale air of the room was unwelcoming, though, and though most of the people who were attending the group meeting were familiar enough with Sevastian, there were a few new faces.

 

Sevastian had mixed feelings about being here. He wasn't exactly sure how much these meetings were doing, but he didn't see the harm in it. It was somewhere to go, someplace to be, and it was certainly somewhere where he could meet other people. Although, befriending individuals who were going through the same things he was could sometimes be draining and exhausting, at the end of the day, they usually were... good people. Hurting, broken people, sure, but Sevastian had learned that he didn't usually blend too well with... more fortunate people. There was just... so little he could connect with that way. Even if it wasn't for the best...

 

The young man walked back over to one of the empty chairs in the meeting, his obsidian eyes catching notice of a new face. He took no hesitation to seat himself next to the other man, though he turned his chair backwards and straddled it, opposed to sitting in it properly.

 

"Alright..." the woman said, looking at Sevastian as he finally situated himself. "Now that everyone's ready, we can begin."

 

Most likely the support meeting would pass relatively quickly. Time was an enigma and hours didn't seem to last for long enough anymore. He slipped his deck of cards from his leather jacket, his biking gloves still on his hands as he shuffled quietly through them as the woman spoke. Mostly just for something he could do with his hands. It wasn't like he wasn't listening to her, or anything. Still, his eyes drifted over to the man next to him for a moment before he fanned out the cards in his hand, face-down, and presented it to the other. "Go ahead and pick one," he whispered while the woman spoke about... something.

 

Was he being immature?

 

Maybe a little.

 

But he didn't really care.

[Guest BunBunTheCatSnake]

 

Emmett Glass

Age: 25

Height: 5'4

Biography: Emmett was abused both physically and mentally by his parents. The only person who was really there for him growing up was his sister Rosaleen, who stepped up as the parent. Emmett tried killing himself for the first time when he was fourteen. His parents didn't even bother to visit him in the hospital, even though he was so very close to achieving his goal. After that he was attempt after attempt. His sister was the only person out of his family and friends to check up on him, and make sure he got to his appointments. After his last attempt, he started living with his sister full time who watches him like a hawk.

Personality: Emmett loves art, and works as a free lance artist - but lately he hasn't had the energy to do what he loves. He has a bit of a rebellious streak, and is well known for tagging the city. He's been depressed for as long as he could remember, and it hurts him to see it affecting his sister the way it has. He just wants to be happy, but he doesn't know how anymore. He's gotten good at pretending everything is okay, even though every fiber of his being is screaming at him.

Facts:

-His dream has always been to go to Europe, and drink wine and eat cheese on the beaches of Italy.

-He can juggle

 

 

 

Emmett was smoking a cigarette away from the small group of people. He had his headphones over his ears, and was listening to The Cure before he went into the support group. He hated being here, but his sister insisted that it might help him. Nothing else helped him out of this deep dark pit. He's tried therapy, he's on medication, he's been to a mental hospital more times than he could count - and yet nothing could get rid of that gnawing feeling in his gut. Emmett wanted to feel normal, but at this point he gave up.

 

He flashed his blue eyes to the group of people walking into the building, and turned his music off and pulled his headphones around his neck. Emmett pulled the sleeves of his sweater down over his wrists nervously, before he walked into the fairly lit building. It definitely seemed welcoming, but he wasn't too sure about the people yet. Truth be told, Emmett just wanted to go home. He didn't want to be here. If one-on-one therapy couldn't help, what made people think that a group one would? He didn't want to bore people with how he couldn't do anything right. Emmett felt like he couldn't even die right.

 

Emmett sat down in one of the chairs, and tried to blend into the background. He crossed his arms, and kept his head down. His heart was beating so hard against his chest, he felt like it would jump out and bounce around the room. Emmett ran his hands through his hair, and tried to control his breathing. He closed his eyes, trying to imagine himself anywhere else. Emmett loved his sister very much, which is why he was here in the first place... but he couldn't handle it. Emmett knew no one here, nor did he want to know anyone. They were just like him, and Emmett wanted to get away from him.

 

After Emmett calmed himself a bit, a saw a man straddle the seat next to him. Emmett gave the other male a sideways glance, trying not to make it obvious he was looking at him. Emmett was still trembling slightly, and he hoped he wouldn't notice. Emmett didn't want anyone to pat him on the back and tell him they understood. But this guy seemed... different. While everyone seemed glued to the speaker, this man pulled out a deck of cards and shuffled through it. Emmett raised an eyebrow, and watched the strange man. Before he knew it, the man looked back at him and asked him to pick a card.

 

Emmett felt an awkward smile cross his lips, and he looked over at the speaker before he looked back at the man. "Okay..." He said a little suspiciously, before he grabbed one from the middle. He flipped it over and looked at it. It was a two of hearts. He looked back at the man, refusing to look him directly in the eye. "Do... you want me to put it back or..?" Emmett whispered back, trying to keep his hands from visibly shaking. It wasn't even ten minuets into the session, and this was already becoming more interesting than those boring one-on-one sessions - he would give this group session that. No one was asking him how these cards made him feel, which was a nice change.

[Guest smolcat]

Sevastian watched as the other awkwardly plucked a card from the deck. He was nervous, and very obviously shy. The slight waver of his voice, how he had a difficulty keeping eye contact... and the slight tremor of his hands. Sevastian could pick up on the tells, but even so, the boy was still responding, still willing to interact, and that was all that Sevastian could ask for. It was a step in the right direction.

 

On the other hand, Sevastian was not nearly as nervous. He had a cool, laid-back disposition, and his eyes never strayed from the other's face. Shuffling the cards before the other once again, he'd make sure they were well mixed up again before he'd fan them out once more, face-down, for the other to see. "Sure, go ahead," he offered, waiting for the black-haired boy to return the card to the deck. At least, Sevastian thought he was a boy. He wasn't really sure. The other individual seemed so... petite. And he had a rather pretty face, and with a smaller frame, Sevastian couldn't entirely tell. But he didn't really care what the others's gender was.

 

Once the card was returned to the deck, Sevastian proceeded to shuffle the deck of cards again, his eyes still set on the individual next to him. It appeared he certainly wasn't looking at the cards as he fiddled with them. But he'd stop shuffling and place one hand on the top of the deck, swiping the top card and plucking it from the rest of its brethren. "Is this your card?" he asked in a soft voice, though his tone sounded confident.

 

It was an ace of spades.

 

He flipped the card around to look at it, and quickly grew flustered and embarrassed. "Oh--wait, no, no," he mumbled, turning the single card back around for the other to see. Somehow, it'd changed from an ace of spades, and now appeared as a queen of clovers. "This one. It's definitely this one, right?" he asked nonchalantly, as if the card hadn't somehow changed before their eyes. "Oh, wait, huh?" He cocked his head to the side. "Whatcha got there?" He put the queen of clovers back in the deck and then, with his newly freed hand, reached for something behind the boy. Grasping it, Sevastian quickly plucked the card from thin air and pulled it in front of the other's face for him to see.

 

A two of hearts.

 

Sevastian clicked his tongue. "Naughty. Hiding your card behind your ear is cheating, you know," he said with a playful tone, smirking slightly.

[Guest BunBunTheCatSnake]

Emmett looked at the deck of cards when the other gave him the go to put his card back. He settled somewhere more towards the left of the fanned out deck. He couldn't help but think where this guy was playing at. Who would bring a deck of cards with them to a Suicide Survivor meeting? Then again, everyone had something to keep their minds busy. Emmett had juggling and music. Maybe this guy had card tricks to keep himself busy?

 

Emmett watched him shuffle the cards in the deck, his eyes glued to where his hands were going. He was determined to figure out what this guy was planning on doing. When he pulled a card from his deck and asked if it was his card, he shook his head. "Nope," Emmett said before he leaned a little forward. The strange man caught his attention, he would give him that. When he started to get a little flustered, a small Mona Lisa smile crossed his face, but it quickly dropped when it changed into a queen of clovers. Emmett was taken back, and even a little impressed.

 

"It's not... but... that was impressive." Emmett moved his body so it was facing the other. This man definitely had his attention now. When he moved his hand towards his face, Emmett flinched just a little. He watched as the man pulled his hand away, with none other than the two of hearts in his hand. Emmett could feel his eyes grow wide, and a genuine smile cross his lips. "That's amazing..." Emmett whispered loudly, and quietly clapped his hands.

 

He watched as someone next to the strange man looked over at him, and Emmett's smile went as quickly as it came. He felt guilty for disturbing the people around him. It was only his first night here, and he was already being annoying... At that same time though, this interaction with his other guy was the first time in a few weeks that he felt welcomed by someone other than his sister. He sank into his chair and looked over at the other. "That... was pretty cool." He whispered quietly. Emmett looked around himself to see if he was bothering anyone, before he held out a hand. "I'm Emmett... who are you?"

[Guest smolcat]

Sevastian watched as the smile bloomed on the other's face. There we go, he thought, victorious. He grinned a bit. Of course, the whole thing had been to cheer the stranger up. He wasn't entirely sure if he'd managed to do so, but if nothing else, a smile was a good sign. And the guy had a nice smile, and his reaction--clapping near-silently as applaud--was pretty cute, too.

 

But it was quickly ruined when Jerome had to shoot Sevastian an annoyed glare. The raven-haired man was quite used to it, though, and rolled his eyes.

 

"You need to stop pulling shit like this during the meeting," Jerome whispered, annoyed.

 

"Piss off," Sevastian retorted, shrugging the other male off and returning his attention back to the newcomer. He returned all of his cards to his deck and shuffled them again, then noticed the stranger offer a hand and introduced himself. Emmet, huh? So he was a guy. Well. Maybe.

 

A hell of a pretty guy, though, that'd be damned sure.

 

"Sevastian," the young man returned the greeting, shoving his deck of cards in his leather jacket before lightly grabbing onto the other man's hand. His grip was gentle, though, and he barely shook the other man's hand before releasing him.

 

He understood wrists could be sensitive, sometimes.

 

"Didn't mean to distract you from the meeting or anything," he whispered. "Just you looked a little awkward on your own so I figured I'd come over and say hi." Well, a little more than that. Sevastian had a bit of an odd way of greeting, but it had worked for what he needed it to. "Hey--if you want, we can talk after the meeting. I don't want to get sour puss's shorts in a twist," Sevastian whispered, pointing to Jerome with his thumb.

 

"I can still hear you, you know," Jerome hissed.

 

Sevastian snickered.

[Guest BunBunTheCatSnake]

Sevastian, Emmett thought to himself as he tried to engrave the mans name into the surface of his brain. He appreciated the gentle handshake, and gave Sevastian the same respect. When Sevastian started to explain himself, Emmett was a little taken back by the mans kindness. He looked down, and tucked his shaggy raven hair behind his ear. "Thanks..." Emmett whispered, his blue eyes looking back up at Sevastian with a small smile.

 

The hey made Emmett turn his whole body back to Sevastian. This guy really had Emmett's attention now. He was starting to think that maybe group therapy was... alright. He wasn't really listening to the speaker, but he wouldn't have in the first place. Even if the therapy doesn't help, he might make a friend or two out of it - though everyone here didn't have Sevastian's pizzazz. The offer to talk after the meeting meant a lot to Emmett. He had a tendency to slip under the cracks, especially in a group setting. Usually he didn't mind it, but it got lonely sometimes. It did make him a little anxious to hang out with Sevastian, but he had to remind himself that the man hasn't done anything to make him worry.

 

When the other meeting goer made it clear he could hear Sevastian, Emmett couldn't help but quietly laugh. "I would love that," Emmett said, wiping a tear he got from laughing off his cheeks. He wanted to tell Sevastian that this whole interaction meant a lot to him, but he decided not to... but maybe he should show his gratitude some how?

 

Emmett leaning back into his chair, trying to think of some way he could show his thanks to Sevastian. He tried to map out the area in his head, trying to remember what was even open at this hour. The only thing he could think of was a small greasy spoon.

 

After the meeting came to an end, Emmett turned to Sevastian. "Hey... um..." Emmett said as he stood up and gathered his things. "Do you want to talk over food... or something? My treat."

[Guest smolcat]

When the meeting came to a close, Sevastian got up from his seat and slipped his deck of cards into his pocket now that he didn't need to fiddle. He looked over to the new young man--Emmett--as the other began to collect his things, and then he... offered to talk over a bit to eat?

 

Sevastian was quiet, for a moment, before a smile crept up to his lips and he laughed. "You asking me out on a date, pretty boy?" he questioned with a chuckle. He'd inquired in a playful manner, but there was no denying that's what was happening. It was cute, though, and Sevastian hadn't been laughing in a condescending sort of way. He hadn't pegged Emmett as the type to make the first move. Of course, he'd doubted the other had romantic intentions--Sevastian certainly didn't--but even still, the suggestion had come off as surprising since the other man seemed so... timid and socially anxious.

 

But, Sevastian didn't want to seem like he was discouraging the idea. It was a welcomed suggestion. "Sure, sounds like fun. I don't like other people paying for my stuff though, so I'll cover it, no worries." He headed for the door and swung it open, holding it for Emmett to let the other back outside. "Question, though. How'd you get here? You got a ride?" he asked. "If not, I can take us."

 

He headed down the steps leading into the parking lot, and stuck his hands back into his jacket's pockets. The evening air was cool to the skin, the sky was dark but the area was lit up by street lamps, a moth or two fluttering about their soft glow.

[Guest BunBunTheCatSnake]

The question made Emmett's face turn bright red. He could feel the blush on his face, and he couldn't help but wonder how red he was. Emmett crossed his arms and slouched just a little, his gaze averting away from the others. Emmett was starting to panic. He wanted to thank Sevastian for his card trick, and now he probably thought he was a creep. The word date lingered in his head, and played over and over again like a broken record. That wasn't his intention, and now he was probably disgusted. Maybe these meetings weren't the best decision. Sevastian was just his type, but maybe he didn't even swing that way. Even if he did, how weird would it be if he asked him on a date?

 

The sure made Emmett look up at him, and he smiled softly. It made him happy that Sevastian didn't think it was creepy. "O-Okay!" Was all Emmett could muster from his lips. He rubbed the back of his neck, and followed him outside the meeting doors. The second they got outside, Emmett put on his black sweater, the cold air a little too much for him to handle at the moment. "Oh... My sister drove me here..." Emmett said a little quietly. "She insisted really." After attempt five, his sister insisted that she drove him everywhere. It was just safer that way.

 

Emmett felt bad that Sevastian had to drive now. He felt like people were always helping him, and he couldn't do anything to help them back. "It's not... It's not too far of a walk. Besides, the fresh air might do us some good." Emmett said as he stuffed his hands in his sweater pocket, and offered the other a small smile.

 

He wanted to sprinkle in somewhere that this wasn't intended to be a date, but they were already on track now. It would probably make everything even more awkward if he did say something. Sevastian was cute though, and if he interpreted it that way then maybe he should just let it be? Did that make Emmett a creep? Emmett took a deep breath, trying to slow down all of the thoughts that were running through his head.

[Guest smolcat]

Sevastian nodded a little at what Emmett said. So his sister drove him... Sevastian wouldn't have minded taking him on a spin with his bike. However, as the other explained that getting some fresh air could do them some good, Sevastian thought it over.

 

Wherever Emmett was wanting to go, Sevastian didn't know what the place was. Of course, he could simply ask, but if Emmett wanted to do the leading, it'd be hard to do from the back of the motorcycle. And, sure, Sevastian would have to walk back to fetch his bike after dinner anyway, but... walking was nice, and he didn't mind.

 

Besides, there was no saying how comfortable Emmett would feel riding a bike. A lot of people became timid when it came to motorcycles, so...

 

"Sure, sounds like a plan to me," Sevastian returned with a grin. "Lead the way," the man said with a nod of his head. He'd walk along Emmett's side, and he plucked his box of cigarrettes and pulled one out, resting it between his lips and burning the end of it with his lighter. "So, you from around these parts?" he asked. "Or was this just your first time giving the support group a try?"

 

Sevastian was curious. Of course, it could have been anything. Maybe he had just been attending a different group, maybe he moved here, maybe he was just visiting, or maybe he was a native who finally gave in to the suggestion. It wasn't like it really mattered, what mattered was that he'd been seeking help. But Sevastian was curious of the young man's background, and there was no way for him to know other than to simply ask.

 

That, and it was a way to start conversation so that there wouldn't be an awkward silence between the two of them.

[Guest BunBunTheCatSnake]

Emmett began walking with his hands stuffed his hands in his sweater pocket awkwardly. He didn't really know what to say... It's been so long since he's had to converse with someone like this. His usual company was his sister and maybe one or two friends - but lately he felt like he didn't even have that. He always had small circles, but they seemed to shrink even more with time. Emmett felt like most of it was his fault, by not staying better connected. His eyes flashed over to Sevastian as he pulled out a cigarette. He suddenly got the urge to smoke, but he didn't want to pull one out and look like he was copying.

 

The silence wasn't too long, but it felt like it lasted an eternity. He was thankful when Sevastian broke the silence, even though the question made him a little anxious. "I... I grew up here. I moved away when I was nine-teen, but that didn't end too well. I probably lasted a year before I was hauled back here." Emmett rubbed his wrists over his sweater anxiously. "My sister and my therapist suggested I actually come to one of these meetings. Nothing else is working, but I doubt this will help either honestly." Emmett shrugged his thin shoulders, and looked up at the other with a small forced smile. "How about you? How long have you been going to these meetings? If you don't mind me asking, anyways." Emmett asked as he turned a corner, and stopped at a small restaurant with a neon flashing sign that read Mama's Home.

 

Emmett figured that Sevastian maybe saw something in these meetings, so maybe he could shed some light? Everyone seemed to know him in the room by a first name basis. Truth be told, Emmett didn't have much faith in the meetings. He was going to humor his sister, and if it worked then it would be a pleasant surprise. If it didn't, then it would come as no surprise to him. But Sevastian seemed well adjusted. Maybe they did work, and he was judging too quickly.

[Guest smolcat]

Sevastian listened carefully as Emmett went on to answer the question he'd given. He slipped his hands into his pockets as he walked, keeping an eye ahead though occasionally giving his companion a glance as they continued onward, and he gained some more insight on who this man was.

 

So, he grew up here and lived in this city for most of his life. Judging by context, when he'd left around the age of nineteen, something bad had happened. Sevastian wondered if that was when his case of depression began, or perhaps it was a peak. Maybe it was entirely unrelated, and something else completely different had happened. Either way, it sounded like some sort of trauma had forced him to return home, though it sounded somewhat against his own will. "Hauled", that was. He probably had a rough home life, if Sevastian had to guess. Though his sister sounded kind enough. It sounded like she cared for Emmett's well-being.

 

Emmett didn't have much hope for the future, and frankly, Sevastian couldn't blame him.

 

Maybe things could get better. Sevastian had seen some people recover and crawl out of the deep pit of depression they'd found themselves in. Maybe Emmett would be another one of those lucky ones. Or, maybe not.

 

Sevastian only gave a reaction when a question was asked of him in turn--and while he'd been calm while listening to Emmett's answer, taking in the details and studying the vocabulary used--he raised an eyebrow at the inquiry. Plucking the cigarette from his lips and huffing out a breath of smoke, Sevastian cocked his head to the side slightly as they walked, thinking back on it and trying to conjure a response.

 

"I've been going for about a year, now," he answered truthfully. Just one. He was... still relatively new to the whole recovery process. And, in a way, he felt he'd gotten a little better. But it was only raindrops trying to spare a desert. Not that it was something he was willing to speak on. The last thing Emmett needed was to be discouraged, and Sevastian sure as hell didn't want to be the one to do it. So he'd keep his own experiences quiet and keep his feelings to himself. "The people there are nice. At the very least, it's always reassuring to know you're not the only one going through shit, fighting the same demons." That much was true. That much, he could say.

 

"Hey, sorry if I'm overstepping my boundaries or if this seems rude or something--but are you trans, or something?" He questioned, looking down at Emmett. Of course, it probably came off in the wrong sort of way, and he didn't mean to offend Emmett, it wouldn't be his intention to ruin their night before it'd even begun, but he had to admit he was a bit curious. And he only had the best intentions in mind.

[Guest BunBunTheCatSnake]

Emmett looked up at the man as he spoke. It gave him a little hope that it was working for someone. Maybe it would work for him eventually, but everything seemed so bleak right now. His days seemed to just pass by him in a blur. Nothing interested him, nothing brought that spark of joy back into his life, and nothing seemed memorable anymore. It was comforting that there were people there who struggled with mental health. They were people who were seeking healthy ways to cope, and that was what Emmett needed right now. When Emmett usually took his mental health into his own hands, he would seek unhealthy ways to cope with that constant screaming.

 

The question caught Emmett off guard. He looked at Sevastian, his pale skin turning bright red. "Oh! No... I mean... I just have a girlish face and figure." Emmett rubbed the back of his neck, his blush reaching his ears, and painting the tips red. "I'm a boy -- I mean, I was born a boy, and I identify as a man." Emmett looked up at Sevastian, his eyes growing wide. "And I didn't take offense to it! I know I have a girlish figure, and a pretty face. Everyone in my family is pretty short and scrawny." Emmett was actually the second tallest, next to his father who was 5'6.

 

"I get that a lot though, if I'm being honest. Or I get asked if I prefer they or them. Sometimes I dress a bit androgynous, but... I don't do that as often anymore." Emmett mostly lived in the same three sweaters and two pairs of pants lately. His androgynous style died when he stopped partying. He didn't even have the motivation to paint or draw anymore, there was no way he would get dressed up anymore.

 

 

Emmett looked opened the restaurant doors, and held it open for Sevastian. "My sense of style has shifted more towards 'how can I blend into a crowd' other than 'glitter bomb, look at me.' My early twenties was a... wild time, to say the least." He would go out to clubs and indulge in anything that would make him feel like he was on cloud nine, until the night was nothing more than a dead memory. Needless to say, he didn't remember much from the time he was twenty one to twenty three.

[Guest smolcat]

"Oh, I see," Sevastian said with an awkward grin, suddenly feeling guilty over the guess. Emmett seemed pretty flustered over the idea, blushing and embarrassed as he explained that he was most definitely not transgender. "Sorry--I wasn't meaning to be stereotypical or offend you in any way," he quickly apologized. Several guys he knew would go feral if they were compared to a man who was born female, and it wasn't his intention to upset Emmett or imply that he was too feminine to have been born a natural man. It was a bit stereotypical to have assumed that anyhow, and though a second guess to Emmett's femininity came to mind, Sevastian quickly shot it down before he could even ask on impulse.

 

He didn't need to know every aspect of Emmett's personal life, they'd just met and Emmett didn't show any signs of sexual interest, so Sevastian didn't need to know his sexual orientation. He'd keep the conversation friendly and static, sticking more to small-talk topics so as to avoid any accidental attachment or bloom of relationship. He just wanted to be friendly with Emmett--Sevastian didn't even want to be friends with him necessarily, but friendly at the very least. So that Emmett felt comfortable and less alone in his endeavor.

 

However, Emmett was quick to brush off the idea of offence, quickly saying that the question hadn't upset him at all. Sevastian was skeptical that it wasn't just an act, but so long as the young man was willing to let it go, Sevastian didn't want to keep holding onto the thought. If he'd gotten that question his whole life, it was a little difficult to believe that it didn't hold at least a little bit of sting. But if he was more the androgynous type anyway, maybe it didn't upset him too much...

 

Though Sevastian caught notice of how he apparently wasn't much for the style anymore, shifting towards more plain, casual attire that didn't stray too much from the norm. "Yeah?" Sevastian questioned, acknowledging that he was still listening. "Oh, thanks," he said quietly when they arrived at the restaurant and Emmett held the door for him--admittedly, Sevastian was more accustomed to serving that role for others--and walked in, the young man still by his side. "Well, there's nothing wrong with being wild, and nothing wrong with wanting to blend in either," Sevastian said as he approached the line. "You should do whatever makes you happy." He had a feeling that Emmett had stopped dressing as androgynous as he'd liked for the exact opposite reason.

 

Lost interest in things he used to love. Started to feel insecure about being himself. Became afraid of what others would think, or how people would react. Felt safer by turning himself invisible.

 

It wasn't necessarily good, but... Sevastian understood. He wouldn't recommend or reprimand the other for his choices--whatever the reasons were. The most important thing was that he did what made him happy. What little things he could do to alleviate the pain, was better than no relief at all. Even if it was just putting on your favorite shirt and wearing your favorite shoes.

 

"I mean, I probably look a bit like a criminal, or a gang member," Sevastian said, tugging slightly on his leather jacket as example, "or some sort of scary low-life." He shrugged. "But I like the style, and I like how I look, and I don't give a fuck how it makes other people feel."

 

he approached the front counter, and when the receptionist greeted them, Sevastian was quick to ask for a table for two. The woman brought them to their table--a small table for two guests, located outside under a patio umbrella which had been closed up after the sun had gone down. Lights were strung around the vicinity, offering a warm light. The woman set down two menus on the table and announced that their waiter would be with them shortly before she promptly returned to her station, and Sevastian gave a small thanks as she left. Taking a seat, he looked over the beverage options before looking up to glance at the young man across from him.

 

"So..." Conversation starters... What to say, what to say... "You got a ride home? I can take you back to your place if you want--it'd be no problem on my end." And at least he'd be able to make sure that Emmett arrived home safely.

[Guest BunBunTheCatSnake]

Emmett smiled when Sevastian said he should do things that made him happy. He heard that so many times, but it just... didn't stick. Anytime he did something he loved, he felt like it just wasn't good enough. There was a time where he would glow with pride when someone commented on his ability with a paint or makeup brush, but now he just felt so... critical over his work. Besides, Emmett usually dressed that way when it meant partying and getting another hit of whatever he was looking for that night. If he dressed that way now, his sister might start to worry. Besides, sweaters weren't all that bad. They were comfortable and easy.

 

Emmett laughed and rolled his eyes when Sevastian tugged at his jacket, "You don't look like a thug at all. If anything, you look like you're in some cool underground punk band. It's pretty cool. Besides, I think the androgyny thing was a phase." Emmett said with a soft shrug. Back when he use to find the simple pleasures of fashion, he dressed a bit punk rock as well. His sister actually had a picture of him in a leather jacket, teased hair, safety pins for ear rings, worn out red doc martins, and winged eyeliner - it was her favorite picture of Emmett. Though, as much fun as he had with it all, he felt a lot more comfortable in sweaters and jeans.

 

When they sat down at their table, Emmett looked over at the menu. His eyes would look up at Sevastian occasionally, his brain trying to name off things that they could talk about... something that would actually hold a conversation. When Sevestian asked if he needed a ride home, Emmett rubbed the back of his neck and looked down at the ground. "Are you sure?" Emmett asked, feeling a little awkward at accepting the ride. "I mean... I don't want you to feel obligated or anything." Times like these Emmett wished accepting offers was easier for him. Mentally, he knew that he probably needed a ride - but there was that part of him that felt so awkward for accepting one. But, Sevastian was offering... maybe this could be the first step into recovery?

 

"I-I mean... as long as I'm not ruining any plans or anything... I could use a ride." Emmett said quietly. He wanted to sink into his chair and just live as a puddle on the floor. "Thank you." He offered the man a smile, his hands playing with the back of his neck. He looked down at the ground, trying to search through his brain to find something to talk about so he didn't look so awkward. "Where... where did you learn how to do card tricks?"

[Guest smolcat]

Sevastian chuckled. "You think so?" he questioned. He'd heard many things, but a secret underground punk band had never been one of them. It certainly seemed cooler than he actually was. He chuckled a little and gave a slight nod at what the other said. If his whole androgynous fashion phase was really just a phase, then that was perfectly fine, too. Everyone went through phases, and it was okay to let them lay.

 

Emmett gave a sort of awkward acceptance to Sevastian's offer--at least, it was on the road of accepting it. He didn't exactly agree to the offer, but neither did he outright reject it, either. Moreso anxious about being a burden, Sevastian figured. He understood. "Yeah, it'd be no problem. I'm not feeling obligated or nothin', I'd make me feel good to make sure you get home safe, and I think it could be fun. I don't have anything else planned for the night, anyway. You ever been on a bike before?" Dropping Emmett off at his place wouldn't be much out of the way, so it wasn't a problem for Sevastian much at all. Of course, he didn't know where Emmett lived, but he really doubted it'd be too bad of a drive. He did say he lived in the area, after all. So it was probably close.

 

The young man sitting across from him started a different conversation topic, bringing up his card tricks and inquiring about them. Sevastian shrugged, then offered a lopsided grin. "A couple years ago, I was in the hospital and there was this other guy who I shared a room with, recovering from a crash. He liked to play with cards a lot to pass the time and I'd indulge his antics. He was really good at slight of hand and tricks, though, and I couldn't deny I thought it was pretty cool. So I asked for him to teach me, and he did."

 

Shortly after he'd given his story, the waitress returned to take their order of drinks so she could go fetch them. Sevastian took the lead and simply ordered a root beer float, before allowing Emmett to give his own order. Once taking their requests, she would head off once more and leave the two men alone again.

 

"You got any interests?" he questioned in turn, hoping to string the conversation along a bit. He didn't want to be the only one talking, after all. Emmett probably had at least some things he liked to do, right? Or some things that he found interest in... Even if they were small, little things. Anything was better than nothing.