Who Will Calm My Howling Heart?

[Fmkitty]

Title: Who Will Calm My Howling Heart?
Status: Complete
Characters: Akira, Shiki
Pairing: Shiki x Akira
Summary:
Akira understands that Shiki won't live forever and how someday he will need a successor to inherit all his possessions and conquered land. More important, he is also concerned about his and commander's future.
However, can the military secretary lean on his most important person's shoulder this time as well?
Read and find out.

[Originally written on 2023-04-30]

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It is already late at night in the Shiki’s mansion, and everyone is resting. Unfortunately, one secretary cannot fall asleep tonight.

Apparently, he gets woken up by a dark-haired man making strange mumbling and growling noises and struggling during his sleep.

Of course, it concerns Akira. At first, he addresses Shiki in a sleepy voice. Yet, he receives no answer aside from the commander trying to say something or curse someone.

In this case, the silver-haired secretary has to see by himself whether the commander got suddenly sick.

After he rolls to the other side, he checks on his partner. It’s the first time for Akira to see something like this happening. From what it looks, Shiki may have a fever.

After the blue-eyed male brushes Shiki’s hair from his forehead, he checks whether he has a temperature or not. Fortunately, it’s a false alert.

Nevertheless, from what it looks, the supreme ruler has a nightmare where he seems to encounter a difficult enemy.

Either way, the silver-haired secretary understands that if he wakes the dark-haired man, he will ruin his rest and make him agitated. And thus, he has to use other measures which don’t disturb Shiki’s sleep and will help him to fight whoever threatens him.

When Akira softens his gaze, he carefully places his palm on his most important person’s cheek. For sure, gently stroking the commander’s cheek shows a significant effect - eventually, it makes Shiki less stiff, and from his facial expressions alone, he starts to calm down.

The blue-eyed man moves his hand toward his partner’s ebony hair and strokes them. Yet, the reserved secretary reminds himself that he should focus on comforting the commander and how it’s not the place and time to admire how pleasantly it feels to touch Shiki’s hair.

Despite that, he cannot help but feel lucky for being able to do it and just admire how it feels like stroking a big feline’s soft fur.

Soon enough, Shiki stops silently growling, and with the last respire, he returns to peaceful slumber. At least for now, he can also rest again. Or so Akira assumes when he lowers his palm.

Suddenly, the secretary gets alerted when he is pulled closely into a tight hug. As Akira widens his eyes and dumbfounded stares, he asks ‘‘Co… Commander?’’. However, he receives no answers aside from weak, barely hearable breathing.

When he looks up, he notices Shiki is asleep, and no force can wake him up soon. Lastly, the military secretary closes his eyes and exhales through his nose.

In the end, he realizes he is trapped in this huge feline’s embrace until he wakes up. Yet, it doesn’t matter anymore if Shiki only pretends to be asleep to use it as a chance to snuggle with his partner or not.

Now, Akira wonders what possibly made Shiki so stressed and scared that he unconsciously reaches out to him for comfort and warmth.

Perhaps it may have something to do with Shiki’s early training days in the military or first missions. Or could it be - it’s about encountering That Man who not only stepped on his pride but also scarred him for a long time? Either way, for now, these demons from the past are driven away. Or so the blue-eyed male hopes so.

A second later, another thought makes him restless, which has been bothering him recently.

That’s right, Shiki won’t live with the sun, and even if spring arrives, he may not be able to greet it. Despite he is feared like a wrathful god, he lives as long as any mortal. Akira understands that and how someday the commander will need a successor to inherit all his conquered empire and fortune.

Of course, before it happens, the blue-eyed secretary may protect and take care of him from a distance. After all, the supreme ruler would have his own private life, and Akira won’t have the right to interface or cause unnecessary drama.

Although, he won’t allow the commander to taint his name because of his affairs with his personal secretary. That’s why, as the right hand of the most powerful man in the country, Akira won’t forgive himself if anything bad happens to Shiki.

Therefore, the military secretary feels he should prioritize his dear commander’s well-being above anything else, including himself.

On the other hand, the thought that the commander may embrace someone else makes Akira anxious and jealous. No matter how much he convinces himself that this is irrational and immature, he doesn’t like these unexplained emotions. Yet, he won’t hesitate to death-sentence anyone who may dare to upset or betray Shiki.

More so, he hates the idea that he will be replaced by some stranger who won’t know anything about Shiki nor will understand him. It simply makes the flawless secretary Akira tremble and short of breath while deep inside, his heart aches.

In the end, he doesn’t want to share the commander with anyone. But for now, Akira is still hesitant about whether he should tell about this little bother to Shiki. When he weighs all pros and cons, he considers trying, but only after work and somewhere where he can speak in private.

---

It is the beginning of another day in the office, and Shiki can already sense that there is something off about his subordinate’s behavior today.

He can spot how his personal secretary is unusually stressed and seems to concentrate his mind anywhere else aside from work. Even if such change is unnoticeable by the regular person or staff, the military tyrant can spot an obvious difference. But for now, he monitors his subordinate to ensure he doesn’t end up in serious problems.

Unfortunately, throughout the entire day, such unusual behavior remains. That’s why, the dark-haired man is irritated observing this and decides to take matters into his hands.

After he lifts his gaze and notices the clock on the wall, he curves a delightful smile. Just in a few minutes, the afternoon tea break starts. Therefore, his loyal subordinate should show up soon.

Then, Shiki will corner the secretary and get the wanted answers out of him. But for now, all he needs to do is patiently wait.

Finally, the time has come, and the military secretary enters the office while carrying the teapot and the cups on the silver tray.

Meanwhile, Akira can feel the commander’s eyes on him. Such a studying gaze makes him feel as if he did something wrong or trying to see through his mind. Nevertheless, he keeps a straight posture while approaching the supreme ruler.

Even when the secretary begins the daily ritual of serving the tea, he tries to remain calm.

However, when his subordinate avoids facing him, it proves Shiki’s suspicious intuition is correct - something is bothering Akira.

For sure, such a gesture slowly gets on the commander’s nerves, but he continues to study the blue-eyed secretary.

After Akira sits, he lifts his gaze and notices Shiki’s serious face, he asks in a polite yet slightly concerned tone ‘‘Is there anything wrong, sir?’’.

‘‘You are hiding something.’’ The red-eyed man states.

After such a straightforward note, Akira is shocked. Nevertheless, he keeps his poker face ‘‘I beg your pardon, sir. What do you mean by that?’’.

Yet, the military tyrant continues interrogating him ‘‘Does anyone bother you?’’.

In this case, the secretary feels cornered by how Shiki can read him pretty well. Even so, he swallows the saliva and lowers the cup ‘‘Nothing at all. Everything is under control, and no one seems to threaten you, sir.’’.

When Shiki closes his eyes, he comments ‘‘You are lying.’’ after opening them, he continues ‘‘You are a terrible liar, and I clearly see it.’’.

These words make Akira widen his eyes. Yet, after he fixes the collar of his shirt, he replies ‘‘Please, excuse me if I made you to worry. I didn’t want to concern or trouble you with… rather selfish and immature thoughts about the inevitable future. At least not when I’m on duty.’’.

The supreme ruler only raises an eyebrow and asks ‘‘What is it, then?’’.

After a short, awkward pause and seeing that Shiki won’t let him go anywhere until he gets what he wants to know, the blue-eyed male addresses him ‘‘First, I have a personal request for you. Would you hear me out?’’.

However, the commander only closes his eyes. When he opens his eyes, he permits while keeping his serious face ‘‘Hmph. Say it.’’.

When the reserved secretary takes a deep breath and gathers enough courage, he genially confesses while sinking his fingertips into his thighs ‘‘I wanted to discuss something important with you, sir. However, if you don’t mind, in a less formal environment. Perhaps with a couple of cups of wine or whiskey as well. Whichever you prefer, I don’t mind at all. Besides, it may also help you to relax after a long day, sir.’’.

Instead of saying anything, Shiki gives a smug look. Lastly, he removes his subordinate’s cap and ruffles his hair.

Such a caring gesture is the very least response Akira expects. On the other hand, he secretly enjoys it and closes his eyes. Yet, he hasn’t expected such a chill response, but at the same time, he is grateful.

After Shiki withdraws his palm, he puts the cap back and replies ‘‘You should say so earlier.’’. As he delightfully observes how his adorable subordinate fixes the cap while trying to hide his blushing and shy face, he continues ‘‘Fine. Permission is granted. So, relax.’’.

Lastly, Akira stands up and bows ‘‘Y-yes! Thank you, sir…’’.

Meanwhile, the commander is still impressed by how his partner asked him out, even if it is in his own subtle way. After all, knowing his secretary, it’s a rare case when he initiates something that is not work-related.

‘‘Whatever he has planned, it will be interesting.’’ Or so Shiki thinks to himself while enjoying watching Akira lowering his shoulders yet trying to contain his excitement.

---

Some time passes. It is a calm evening in the lounge room. As expected, the military secretary keeps his word to keep company for the supreme ruler and asks to leave everything to him tonight.

But for now, while Shiki sits in a large armchair, his eyes follow his subordinate. Even every little action made by the blue-eyed male is entertaining.

Meanwhile, all Akira does is hang his uniform jacket on the hanger and head towards the commander’s personal bar. Yet, despite feeling slightly embarrassed at how he is being observed by the curious big feline from his armchair, he rolls up his shirt’s sleeves, picks a few ice cubes from the freezer, and opens the bottle of finest whiskey.

How can such a simple thing as pouring whiskey on ice be even remotely entertaining? Or so Akira wonders when he turns back and notices the commander’s amused as a cat’s face.

After the silver-haired secretary prepares and carries the drinks, he carefully sits on the soft arm pad. Lastly, he handles the glass of whiskey to Shiki while holding his glass.

For now, enjoying the company of his loyal and dear subordinate in private while having a glass of spicy as-fire whiskey with a few ice cubes mixed and relaxing in a comfy armchair in front of a warm, cracking fireplace - What else the commander may need in life? Will any amount of money be able to replace it? Of course, the clear-as-a-day answer - no.

The only missing thing for a perfect evening like this is having his secretary sitting on his lap with thrown arms around his neck and loosened shirt while staring with his loving blue eyes. Although, it might take a while until the silver-haired male would do it.

Either way, it’s still surprising how Akira sits that closely without being asked. Yet, giving a tiny push to his subordinate and reminding him that he shouldn’t be so formal while being in private. Or so the supreme ruler wonders while patiently waiting for his personal secretary to put down his drink.

As the silver-haired man notices Shiki’s demanding gaze, he lowers the glass and asks ‘‘Is there anything wrong, sir? Or should I?-’’.

Suddenly, Akira gasps and closes his eyes as Shiki wraps his arm around his waist and brings him closer.

For now, the red-eyed man is busy loosening his subordinate’s tie and unbuttoning his shirt with the other hand ‘‘Didn’t I tell you to relax when you’re off duties?’’.

When Akira places his hands on his partner’s chest, he closes his eyes and pushes him away ‘‘You shouldn’t just fool around with your subordinate! I beg you to start thinking about your future!’’.

When the secretary opens his big blue eyes and deeply breathes, he sees how Shiki freezes in the same spot and dumbfounded stares at him. Unfortunately, he realizes he made a great mistake.

Despite that, he swallows saliva and confesses from the bottom of his heart in a softer, without hiding his genial concern, tone ‘‘Excuse me for my rudeness, sir. I understand that you may not live forever and how someday you will leave all your possessions and power to a worthy successor.’’.

After he lowers his gaze, he continues in a sensible gloomier voice ‘‘More important, you will have your private life in which I won’t be able to interface… Of course, I will serve all your needs if you still need me. However, I won’t hesitate to punish anyone who would hurt or betray you. I know it’s selfish and immature but…’’.

Lastly, while having nothing to lose, Akira lifts his blue eyes and declares ‘‘I know I have no right to tell you what your heart should want, but all I wish is the best for you, sir. But… I don’t want to share you with anyone or let you fall into the wrong hands!’’.

Certainly, the secretary’s honesty stuns Shiki, and he remains speechless. However, a second later, he regains his cool and gives a satisfied look ‘‘So, this is what’s been on your mind? Hmph. You are truly an idiot…’’.

While his subordinate is dumbfounded and stares at him, the dark-haired man pulls him into a hug and adds ‘‘I’m not interested in wasting time on worthless fools and weaklings. The only person I can trust and rely on is here, with me.’’.

When Shiki gently holds his partner’s chin and lifts his head, he doesn’t remove his eyes from these blue ones.

Suddenly, Akira can feel how his heart skips a beat and the warmth rushing to his cheeks by looking at the mesmerizing crimson eyes. Yet, he listens to the commander’s calming voice ‘‘The only thing that I want is you staying by my side, even after I conquer the world, Akira.’’.

Such a sincere confession surprises the secretary. Despite trying to remain as calm as possible, he feels overwhelmed by the sudden wave of emotions and happiness he doesn’t know how to handle.

However, without a second thought, the silver-haired secretary gently takes the same palm holding his chin into his hands and lands a soft kiss on the hand that takes care of him. Soon, he places the beloved palm on his cheek and blissfully closes his eyes ‘‘That is without a saying or thinking twice, sir. Even if the entire world becomes your enemy, I’ll stay by your side and protect you.’’.

These words and signs of affection thrill and sparkle the excitement in the supreme ruler’s eyes.

How come his dear secretary never ceases to amaze him and always surprises him? Yet, it’s adorable how innocent and naïve his partner is by not being aware that he is the one who won the ruthless military tyrant’s heart. Perhaps it’s only a matter of time before Akira figures this out. But at the moment, it’s fine and more than enough. Or so Shiki wonders while his secretary makes himself comfortable and rests his head against his chest.

Meanwhile, the silver-haired male is relieved that countless times he can always rely on the commander and his kindness. But for now, while he is close to Shiki, he asks ‘‘Should I get the blanket? You might catch a cold if you are planning to stay here for a longer time.’’.

‘‘There is no need for that. Unless you are cold.’’ Or so the commander briefly replies.

Yet, Akira closes his eyes and shakes his head. Lastly, he politely declines ‘‘It’s fine. As long as you are alright, I’ll be fine.’’. After a short pause, he adds ‘‘However, if it is not too much to ask, I just want to stay like this for a while.’’. And thus, it doesn’t take long until the silver-haired secretary feels how his eyelids become heavier until he slowly sinks into a deep sleep.