"Our Daily Lives" ((18+)) ((Private)) ((with @Ka-chan))

[Ka-chan]

"I'm sorry princess, but I would need more than that If I have to survive this day without you."

 

Kazuma kissed me, it was like he could read my mind. No... my heart. I wanted it, remember? I told you. So, Kazuma wanted to slide his tongue into my mouth and of course - I let him. My heart raced, I felt like I could just bow down and be his forever.

 

Wait, I already did...

 

I could feel Kazuma's hand under my shirt, feeling my chest and then my neck, making every place he touched ache and burn but in an enjoyable way.

 

A way that made my heart race and my mind go crazy.

 

I placed my hand on Kazuma's hand that touched my cheek. I slowly leaned towards him and placed my other hand on the back of Kazuma's head, softly pushing his lips against mine.

 

Everything else didn't matter that one moment...

[Anime_Maniac_Leia]

Locked in a sweet trance, I wish I could stay this way forever but duty was calling. I had to leave.

 

I let go of our lip lock and kissed his forehead gently.

 

Kissed his bright red cheeks which showed how embarrassed he was.

 

My hand went down to his waist and held him in my arms. Unable to let go, I lightly nibbled his ears like a small bunny making him flinch.

 

I wanted to just take him somewhere and make him mine in this short span of time.

 

'So cute and so addictive...' I thought. My lips which unlocked itself from Otoba's lips got a new prey and it went down to his neck. I lick the nape of his neck and sucked that part.

 

'Ah... my break's almost over...' I thought which I would love to curse.

 

I let go of that area and looked down at my flushed lover.

 

"I guess I'll be going now, okay?" I asked, waiting eagerly for his reply...

 

Deep down, I wished he would say, "Don't leave me..."

[Ka-chan]

I looked up at him, still not letting go of his hand. I looked down dissapointed, but I knew that he had to go back.

 

"Yeah..."

 

I wrapped my fingers around his and placed my head on his chest.

 

"Just... stay for a few more seconds please... just a few, and I'll let you go...

 

Still in trance from the kiss, I hugged him tight burying my face into his clothes. I pulled away again and took the hand that were wrapped together up to my mouth and gently kissed his hand as I leaned onto his chest again.

 

"I..."

 

I wanted to say it, but I felt so embarrassed, like it was the last thing I'd ever say to him. Like it was the most important thing in the world. But I wanted to say it.

 

"I love you..."

 

I said it. I squeezed his hand from being so nervous, so... embarrassed.

 

Yet so happy.

[Anime_Maniac_Leia]

"I love you..." He said, squeezing my hand from being so nervous.

 

I looked into his eyes and kissed his forehead, "Yeah, I know. I love you too." I said with a smile to reassure him.

 

I let go of him, knowing that I will visit him tonight. My thoughts were only filled about him, I couldn't let go and just thinking that I could see him in University made my heart go thump.

 

"Gotta go..." I said with a smile, not wanting to let go of him. How many times have I said that already? I can't keep cause I'm too busy falling deeper and deeper in love with Otoba.

 

"But I surely gonna come over!" I said with a wink and left.

 

I always thought I couldn't trust people. But how come I fell in love with him? How come, when I couldn't even trust Kyouya when I met him, trusted Otoba so easily even though its been less than a week? I don't know anymore. Thinking about it might just cause cancer for me.

 

I sighed and continued my long day of work.

 

I looked at the clock from time to time and sighed from time to time wondering when it was going to end.

 

As my shift ended, I thanked the boss and took my bag while heading towards Otoba's home. I obviously changed to go.

 

"Yes, Yes, YES!!! I finally get to see Otoba!" I said and highfived myself in my mind and I headed over to the said's boy's house...

[Ka-chan]

As Kazuma left, I sighed and left as well a few seconds after he was gone. I picked up my bag since it fell on the ground somewhere in the middle of the kiss. I walked out of the alley and looked over at the café, smiling gently as I could still feel his lips on my neck and my lips.

 

I walked home with Kazuma on my mind. That was pretty obvious, was it not? Heh.

 

As I arrived home I locked up my door, went inside and drank a glass of water as I usually did when I got home. I had plenty of time before I had to go train, and plenty of time before Kazuma arrived.

 

The pain in my chest had dissapeared as well.

 

I went into the bathroom and got the tub ready for use. As it got ready, I went in there and sat there, glancing at the watch on the wall once in a while.

 

"Work is over..."

 

I held my breath and went under the water before I got up, dried myself and put on clothes. I let the towel be on my head as I wandered around the house until Kazuma came over.

 

I looked at my phone, then at the door and out of the window. My hair was still damp from the shower, as the bell on my door rang.

 

And my heart skipped a beat.

[Anime_Maniac_Leia]

"Hmm~!!" I started humming as I was infront of my beloved's door.

 

I was seriously nervous for this. Why you ask? It's my first time at his house!

 

Sure, he did come over to my home but that's a different story. That was when the bond between us started to grow and suddenly, the next day, I confessed to him.

 

What a turn-out! which was still for the best. I looked at my phone which had messages mostly from Kyouya.

 

'Is he worried?' I thought. The day they came over was also the day I was freaking angry. Miyu shouldn't have said anything thing to Otoba, But I can't blame her since she actually brought us together. I wonder what exactly going in that head of hers.

 

'I guess Kyouya must've seen through me, huh? But oh well, at least I can check the messages he se-- Woah!!' I gasped at the really long message which he sent me but I didn't have time to read every single letter of every single word, so I skipped to the last part, which read, 'I'll be sleeping over your house. I'll come at 10. Tomorrow's a sunday too, wanna watch a movie?' A movie sounded cool, on top of that, we haven't been hanging out that lately though we are really good friends. I typed 'yes, sure, see ya.' and hit the send button so that it gets mailed to him.

 

After I mailed him, I noticed that I haven't rung the door bell yet.

 

'Ah! baka Kazuma!' I thought to myself and rung the door bell.

 

'Otoba~' I sang in my head while waiting for the teen to open the door.

[Ka-chan]

I jumped and rushed to the door and opened it, and as expected Kazuma stood there. He smiled at me when he saw me, and I obviously smiled back. I stepped aside for him to come in.

 

"I'm going in."

 

Kazuma said and went into my house. Kazuma's smell reached my nose and I blushed.

 

"Hello..."

 

I remembered that my hair was still wet and I must've looked so stupid with the towel on my head.

 

"Wait, excuse me for a moment!"

 

I rushed to the bathroom and folded the towel and went back again. I hoped he didn't mind my dripping hair.

 

I walked into the living room with Kazuma behind me, and suddenly I felt Kazuma's arms around me from behind.

 

"Ka-Kazuma?"

 

I really felt like kissing him again, but Kazuma didn't turn me around. All he did was hug me.

 

"Kazuma..."

 

I turned around and smiled at him before I gave him a peck on the lips again.

 

 

And another peck, and another, each one a bit deeper and longer than the other, and ending up in a deep kiss.

 

Nothing could ruin it now...

[Anime_Maniac_Leia]

"Kazuma..." Otoba saying my name was music to my ears.

 

He gave me a peck on my lips but it started to grow more and more and into a deep kiss. I was melting at his touch; well, anyone would melt if your being kissed, regardless of being the seme or uke.

 

My tongue explored his mouth. Tip to tip, inch to inch until every single place has been touched by my tongue.

 

My hands went up inside his shirt as his hair was dripping wet. Drops started to fall, making me even more aroused.

 

'Shit...!' I thought as my lips reached his neck. I started to lick him as my right hand went up to his chest and softly pinched his left nipple.

 

I kept on going, exploring his body bit by bit...

[Ka-chan]

As Kazuma's hand explored my body, pinching my nipple I couldn't help it but let out a sound in the middle of the kiss.

 

I put my hands on his chest, slowly and softly pulling away. I looked at his chest where my hands were. I felt nervous and scared.

 

"Kazuma?"

 

I looked up at him, knowing that he would know all of my feelings just by my expression.

 

I wanted him to keep on going, yet I didn't.

 

"I have training later, so..."

 

I whispered, letting Kazuma decide wether to continue or stop for now.

 

I pecked Kazuma's lips again, waiting for Kazuma's decision...

[Anime_Maniac_Leia]

"I have training later, so..." He said to me.

 

His emotions was expressed on his face so clearly. I chuckled and though for a moment. I put my hands on his waist and thought again.

 

"Now that you mention it... it would be a problem since you have training..." I said, since obviously after sex, your but is gonna hurt even if you do it really gently or even if you are a pro at it. It's going to hurt when you do it for the first time; only for ukes and girls though.

 

"But I don't want to let you go either..." I said and gave out a huge sigh. How could I forget that he had training?! Stupid me... But I had other problems as well to take care of.

 

"Ah... even I'm not free tonight... Kyouya's sleeping over." I said and became a bit more depressed. I'm thankful to Kyouya for noticing my behavioral changes but this just wasn't the right time.

 

I looked down at my boyfriend whom I had covered with hickeys.

 

"I wish I could stay longer but I don't want to hinder you in your practice... Oh well! I can see you in University too!" I said, trying to cheer myself and Otoba up. I think Otoba could see my dog type tail and dog type ears which normal people but him could see. My tail which was down just a moment ago sprang back up knowing that I could meet Otoba on Monday and my ears danced like... happy ears? I don't know how to describe them...

 

A call came from Kyouya as we were busy being intimate...

[Ka-chan]

'Kyouya? He's sleeping over tonight? At Kazuma's house?!...'

 

The pain came back, much stronger than before.

 

Tears swelled up in my eyes. That was the last thing I wanted to hear. Yes, even worse than 'I'm tired of you.'

 

"Kazuma, I-"

 

I got interrupted by Kazuma's phone ringing. 'Who's calling him?' I thought.

 

I let go of Kazuma, letting him pick up his phone and to make myself calm down. If he saw me like this, he would worry and I didn't want that.

 

"Kyouya..."

 

Kazuma mumbled.

 

"Wait, I'll pick it up."

 

Kyouya?... It was Kyouya calling him? By the way, who was it that broke up back then? What if Kyouya wants to get back together?

 

A thought striked me, and my cheeks became covered in water.

 

"What if... what if they're still... still together...?"

 

I rushed to my bedroom, letting Kazuma be alone in the living room for a moment. I didn't even give him a chance to say anything.

 

And if he asked me if anything was wrong I'd reply with a smile and a cheery voice and say it's nothing and that I just had to pack for training.

 

"Why Kyouya and not me?..."

[Anime_Maniac_Leia]

Otoba ran to his bedroom. I knew that he was crying.

 

"Shit!! I made him feel uncomfortable again!" I said.

 

The only thing on my mind was that to make Otoba stop crying.

 

I went into his room to check where he was, and sure enough, he was crying himself out.

 

"Otoba?" I asked, Oh god.... why did I make him cry... dammit!

 

"It's fine! It's nothing, I'm just getting ready to go train!" He said with a cheery face and energetic voice. Well, he tried to, but fail miserably.

 

"Otoba...." I just went towards him and hugged him but I had already picked up Kyouya's call.

 

"Oi! Kazuma! Open up the door!" A voice came from my cell.

 

"Huh? but I'm at Otoba's..." I said to Kyouya who was still on call.

 

I was still hugging Otoba and refused to let go of him.

 

"I know, I'm at Otoba's. Now open up the door, you bastard!" Kyouya said. This time, he sounded really angry.

 

"What's gotten into him...?" I said with the phone down, I wonder what exactly happened...

[Ka-chan]

I ignored Kazuma's hug.

 

"I know, I'm at Otoba's. Now open up the door, you bastard!"

 

Kazuma's phone were close enough for me to be able to hear him. 'Kyouya's here?!'

 

"I'll open it..."

 

I pushed Kazuma away and walked past him, out in the hallway and opened the door to find Kyouya standing there with his phone to his ear, looking pretty pissed.

 

And of course, I looked at him with a pretty pissed look also.

 

"Hello Kyouya. What are you doing here?"

 

I asked him, making a pretty annoying voice. I would've hit me if I were him.

 

"Kazuma's here, isn't he?"

 

"No, he just left."

 

I were about to close the door as Kazuma appeared behind me. I sighed and walked away from the door, allowing Kyouya and Kazuma have their talk.

 

And so Kazuma could leave with Kyouya.

 

Hand in hand.

 

Fucking me off.

 

 

... yeah, they probably would.

[Anime_Maniac_Leia]

"Oh Kyou--" Before I could even say his name, Kyouya took me by the shirt and punched me hard enough for me to hit the floor.

 

"What the fuck are you thinking, you prick?!?!?" Kyouya screamed at me, ready to hit another blow.

 

"Can you fucking calm down?!?! what just happened?!?!" I yelled back at him while trying to wipe the blood off my mouth.

 

"Yeah, as if I can calm down!!! And what's this huh?!" He shouted as he threw many paper sheets which were mostly printed.

 

I took one of them and read it, "This is...." I knew what it was. It was my mails that I kept exchanging with my mom. My eyes widened at the sudden approach of Kyouya, not only that, he barged in my home without my permission and searched through and read my mail?!

 

"You... Why did you do this?!" I said, this time I was really angry.

 

Kyouya looked at me equally angry. "Hell yeah I won't do this!! Have you gone out of your mind?!" Kyouya said.

 

But we didn't take notice of Otoba who stood there, unable to process the information he was seeing.

[Ka-chan]

I stared at Kazuma, then Kyouya, then back at Kazuma. I wanted to go get something to treat his wound from the punch, but Kyouya seemed too pissed and he didn't want to leave him alone.

 

"Oi, Kyouya! Calm down, will you?"

 

I tried to help Kazuma, but he didn't seem to hear me.

 

What was on the papers?

 

Why did Kyouya get so angry that he hit Kazuma?

 

What did Kazuma do?

 

What does Kyouya have to do?

 

What?!

 

Why?!

 

How?!

 

I couldn't understand a thing, and I knew that I wouldn't be able to do anything really to help, so instead I walked in between them, shouting.

 

"What the hell is going on?!"

 

Both Kyouya and Kazuma stared at me.

 

'They didn't even think of the fact that I was there... thanks for nothing. Jerks.'

 

I had my back turned towards Kazuma, staring Kyouya deep in his eyes.

 

I hated him, oddly enough... or no, it wasn't that odd. I was jealous of him. He just hit my b-boyfriend, he once dated Kazuma. Of course I'd hate him?

 

Kyouya stared at me both surprised and pissed, sinking his hand.

 

"What the hell?!"

 

I shouted again.

 

"If you absolutely have to fight, don't freaking do it in my house! And you better remove those papers yourself! Pricks!"

 

I got mad at how they acted.

 

"Damn, you're both so annoying! Get out!"

[Anime_Maniac_Leia]

"You got him mad, Kyouya" I said, really calmly.

 

"What?!......*coughs and clears his throat* Okay... I'm sorry for the trouble we caused..." Kyouya said as he bowed to Otoba and apologized.

 

"I'm sorry too." I got up and bowed as well. I never wanted Otoba to get this angry though.

 

Me and Kyouya started to pick everything up and put them in a file that Kyouya bought along with him.

 

"I'm sorry Otoba.... I'll see you tomorrow..." I said with a sad smile. I seriously pissed off at Kyouya. I didn't want to hear anything. I just wanted to go home and take a shower.

 

"I'll be going ahead of you, Kyouya!" I said and left abruptly as how Kyouya came in.

 

Kyouya looked at Otoba and bowed again, "I'm sorry for his behavior." He said.

 

He just stared at Otoba for a few seconds before he told, "That was pretty mean of you. I hope you do know about Kazuma and his family. If you don't, well, It is noticeable, he was going to tell you about his family today." He said in a cold voice.

 

An cold atmosphere began to form...

 

"I'll tell you something. Kazuma isn't a very happy person. He is very sad. Abandoned, Torn, Hit, Abused. He was about to even suicide once. Good thing we were on time there. And that suicide attempt was just 2 weeks ago. You can check the newspaper of that day to know." He said... But what was Otoba's reaction...?

[Ka-chan]

"I'll tell you something. Kazuma isn't a very happy person. He is very sad. Abandoned, Torn, Hit, Abused. He was about to even suicide once. Good thing we were on time there. And that suicide attempt was just 2 weeks ago. You can check the newspaper of that day to know."

 

"Eh?"

 

I stared at Kyouya.

 

"I just thought I should let you know. Excuse me."

 

Kyouya turned around to leave as well.

 

"Of course I wouldn't know... I've known him for 2 days..."

 

I murmured, but Kyouya heard me anyway. He didn't turn around though.

 

"And how the hell is that mean? You were even worse than I was."

 

My voice sounded more mad than ever.

 

"And who are you to meddle? Do you expect me to act really careful around Kazuma? To not be who I am? To run after him, saying I'm so sorry? Or do you want me to leave him alone rather?"

 

Kyouya looked at me and I looked at him back, our eyes thundering. You could say that we became enemies that one second.

 

"No, I-"

 

"I won't. Of course, I feel sorry for Kazuma. But I want him to tell me himself."

 

I sighed heavily.

 

"And I don't want you to come near me again, nor do I want you to meddle again. Ever."

 

I gave Kyouya one last glare, telling him how much I hated him. Before he got the chance to reply, I closed the door on him and locked it.

 

I went back into my room and continued what I was doing before Kyouya came.

 

 

I cried.

[Anime_Maniac_Leia]

The next day came...

 

The night before was used for Kyouya trying to calm myself down but I just couldn't. All those memories came back. Killing myself seemed to be the only option left for me now but...

 

"Would Otoba stop me...?" I said to myself but shook my head.

 

"Of course he wouldn't.... no one would..." I said and sighed heavily.

 

"I don't really feel like working today but I have to go." I said to myself sighing heavily yet again.

 

This life seems so stupid. Eternal happiness? there is no such thing. I was becoming the person I used to be before I met Otoba. I thought I could be happy but I guess I was mistaken. Otoba somehow reminds me of her.... that woman who abandoned me, torn me to pieces, killed me....

 

"Let me go to work, I'll be able to kill some time." I said and took my bag and headed to work.

 

I was early by 2 hours and decided to work immediately. I got dressed and tried to smile, but it was just a fake smile.

 

Serving the customers was something easy to do. Just fake a smile and they go 'kyaa~'. How stupid.

 

I saw Otoba come out of the mens changing room but it didn't disturb me that much. I wasn't my usual self. Obviously. Because I was my cruel other self. A person who helps others and at night, enjoys himself. He doesn't believe in eternal happiness and he accepts that... twisted if you ask me.

 

Otoba came out with his work uniform.

 

I faked a smile at him, "Good morning, Itoka-kun." I said, "Sunny day, isn't it?" I waited, for the boy's answer...

[Ka-chan]

"Good morning, Itoka-kun. Sunny day, isn't it?"

 

'Eh? Itoka-kun?...'

 

"Ah, morning Kazuma."

 

I smiled back at him, but something seemed odd about his. 'What happened yesterday? Did he get hurt when I got mad?'

 

Before Kazuma left, I took Kazuma's arm and looked him deep into the eyes.

 

"Yup... something's wrong. I knew it."

 

I whispered to myself though, but Kazuma could hear it.

 

"Could we talk for a moment? Please?"

 

Kazuma had a distant look in his eyes. I waited for his reply, but he never answered.

 

"... fine."

 

I dragged him into the men's locker room and pulled him over to a bench, making him sit down.

 

"What's wrong? I'm sorry about yesterday, really... I really, really am."

 

I took his hand and wrapped my fingers in between his.

 

"Hit me if you want, choke me if anything, you can break my fingers, anything. Anything that'll make you feel better. So please... tell me."

 

I placed my forehead on his forehead.

 

"I'm sorry for getting so mad.. for pushing you away, for yelling at you, cursing, throwing you out... I really am."

 

I waited a bit.

 

"And Kyouya told me about what happened two weeks ago also..."

[Anime_Maniac_Leia]

"I'm sorry for getting so mad.. for pushing you away, for yelling at you, cursing, throwing you out... I really am." He said. Sorry? What sorry?

 

"And Kyouya told me about what happened two weeks ago also..." He said that too. 2 weeks ago...? ah that...

 

I thought for a while gave out a smirk, an evil one.

 

"I knew it... you 2 are so similar. Thinking you can just say sorry and it's over. Done. Case closed." I said, smiling with a sad smile.

 

"But I was made to be torn, thrown, used by will and thrown away by will. I guess that cycle just repeats it self, eh...?" I said, I was tired. Tired of everything. My mom, My dad, My brothers, everything.

 

I let go of his hand, "What are you talking about anyway, Itoka-kun?" I asked. I was just way too tired to listen. I heard too much of the truth. I wanted to be alone. But I already was alone.

[Ka-chan]

Ouch.

 

I got rejected just now, didn't I?

 

Yeah.

 

"What are you talking about anyway, Itoka-kun?"

 

He seriously pissed me off. Or, no, he seriously made me break down. So few words, yet so much damage.

 

"What the hell makes you think I expected forgiveness?"

 

I looked at him, not letting him go. Even though he let go of my hand, I still didn't want to give up.

 

"You can do whatever the hell you want, besides two simple things."

 

I took his hand again, lifting it up in front of his eyes to demonstrate.

 

"To kill yourself."

 

I pinched the middle of his middlefinger.

 

"And to ignore me."

 

I turned the hand around, so the palm turned towards Kazuma. I then let go of his hand again.

 

"I don't care about your past, I care about the present and the future."

 

I went on my knees in front of him, looking down also.

 

"Please, I beg of you, don't let our futures be seperate from each others."

[Anime_Maniac_Leia]

"Please, I beg of you, don't let our futures be seperate from each others." He said as he went on his knees.

 

What the hell...? I don't know anymore. Be happy with this guy? I don't know anymore!! This is just too confusing!! But... this is something easy... right?

 

"..." I didn't say anything... I was silent...

 

I wanted to open... but at last I did...

 

"Can I be happy with you...? I feel so empty... but what should I do...?" I asked myself..

 

I finally chose the decision. "I'll be with you..." I said as I got up and held out his hand.

 

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been so... sad. Anyway, let's talk about that later!" I said and held out my hand.

 

But a huge force of pain suddenly appeared in my stomach, as if someone pierced me with a knife.

 

"Ack-!" I held my stomach due to the pain and put my hand over my mouth.

 

But after that, I spat out huge amounts of blood.

 

'Why... only me...?' I thought....

 

Everything became reddish as I fainted into the darkness...

[Ka-chan]

'Thanks you, Kazuma...' My thoughts were clearing up, as the happiness overwhelmed me. I looked up at Kazuma, but he didn't smile at all.

 

"Ack-!"

 

And the next thing I knew, blood were streaming out of his mouth, and he collapsed.

 

"Kazuma?! KAZUMA?!" I shook him, looking at the blood around us. I quickly picked him up holding him in a princess like manner, took up my phone and the blood covering both our clothes didn't matter. I ran through the café, shouting at the boss.

 

"Emergency!! Kazuma spat our blood!!"

 

I quickly dialed the hospitals number, called them and told them the adress and really quickly what happened.

 

 

The whole time, the only thing in my mind was;

 

'Don't let him die. Don't let him leave me. Please, God, please.'

[Anime_Maniac_Leia]

They rushed me to the hospital as soon as they arrived and ran several tests.

 

After an agonizing 2 hours, the doctor came out and told the news.

 

"Don't worry! It was just food poisoning!" He said while laughing.

 

Kyouya and the rest of my friends who were there gave out a huge relieved sigh.

 

The doctor remained silent for a couple of minutes before he asked again.

 

"Did he take anything else, but it was on purpose?" He asked with a stern voice.

 

Kyouya remained silent for a couple of moments and then spoke up. "Yes, he took in some deadly drugs." He finally said.

 

The doctor sighed, "Please, that child is a physiological patient as well. He almost suicide and was about to fall into a coma too. Can't you even keep your eyes on him?"

 

He asked with an angry voice.

 

"We are very sorry." They all said and bowed.

 

The doctor nodded and looked inside my ward. He then looked at them. "He's awake now. You can go talk to him." The doctor said and left.

 

Kyouya looked at Otoba, "You should go in first, We will come later." He said with a smile.

[Ka-chan]

A tear ran down my cheek out of happiness because of the good news.

 

'He's fine...'

 

He took some dangerous drugs... so he really went that far down?...

 

"You should go in first, we will come later." Kyouya said with a smile. I tried to smile back, but I really just wanted to go in there as fast as possible.

 

So I stood up, nodded at the Doctor and went in there to see Kazuma in the bed.

 

"Kazuma..."

 

I walked over to him, tears still streaming down. But I smiled.

 

"The Doctor said you'll be fine... I'm glad."

 

I didn't want to ask about the drugs though, I would take that when he gets home again.

 

I dried off my tear.

 

"Everyone's here too. Kyouya, Miyu, even Koga. And of course everyone else."

 

Another tear ran down, and my smile faded.

 

"I got so scared..."

 

I looked down, more and more tears streaming down.

 

I didn't change my clothes either since then, you could still see some blood on it, but I didn't care.

 

I wanted to kiss him and hold him, but I knew that I couldn't.

 

 

And I honestly still didn't know if he actually chose to trust me.