Neko Private Roleplay {Ciel and Koe-chan} (18+)

[BlaqueCatt]

Katsumi's eyes flew open at the sudden touch and he yelped, trying to jerk away from Tai before his vision cleared and he remembered where he was. His heart was beating frantically and he was breathing heavily, his body trembling. "Wh-what?" he muttered, blinking a few more times before realizing that Tai was behind him. He felt the arms around him and turned his body to face Tai, almost instantly latching onto him. "S-sorry," he said softly, his fingers digging gently into Tai's back. "I didn't mean to try and get away. I thought you were...someone else for a minute."

[{｡^◕‿◕^｡}Ciel]

Tai's heart sank deep in his chest. It hurt him, to know that the one that he truly did hold feelings for was scared of him, because he was "alike" his abusive ex. That truly hurt, because Tai knew that he'd never abuse anyone, let alone the beautiful young whitette, "I understand." That was all that he could say, because he knew that in this relationship, he was going to have to be strong for the both of them.

[BlaqueCatt]

He sniffed quietly and put his forehead against Tai's chest, taking a deep breath. "I really am sorry," he murmured, sounding genuinely upset. He could tell that he had hurt Tai and was angry at himself for getting so worked up over a nightmare. He closed his eyes again, swallowing the lump in his throat. He was worried that Tai would get tired of dealing with his inability to be touched and would leave him.

[{｡^◕‿◕^｡}Ciel]

"It's fine..." murmured Tai softly, lightly drawing his arms away from the younger male, not sure if the younger male still wanted to cuddle or not. Either way, he wasn't going to be able to fall back asleep. If anything, he'd play a game of shogi against himself, if the whitette wanted to be left alone. Or, he would sit there by his side if her wanted. He just wanted to please the younger male.

[BlaqueCatt]

The whitette was slightly bothered by the fact that he moved away, but made no attempt to protest, assuming that he wanted some distance. Katsumi sighed softly and laid back down, staring at the pillow and tracing circles in the mattress.

 

{I have to go, I'll be back tomorrow}

[{｡^◕‿◕^｡}Ciel]

Tai was glancing at the window, his eyes blank. Tears were welling up in his eyes, though he forced them back into their moist prison. He didn't know what to do.

[BlaqueCatt]

Gradually his breathing evened out and his heartbeat slowed. He lifted his blue eyes to look at Tai, feeling a pain in his chest at the sight of him; he hated it when the other was upset. What can I do to make him feel better? He sat up again and crawled across the mattress to sit next to him. "Do you want to talk?" he asked quietly, thinking it might help for him to say what was bothering him.

[{｡^◕‿◕^｡}Ciel]

"Kat-kun..." His voice was soft and sweet, "It's always the same thing...the same thing always bothers me...they all called me a genius...yet I can't even though I can't even solve my own problems." A saddened grin graced the caramel-skinned male's face. Tai, no only suffered from anxiety, but was also an insomniac, and he rarely slept, but to him, it was better not to sleep, so his bad dreams would stay away.

[BlaqueCatt]

The whitette tilted his head. "Being really smart doesn't mean you know how to deal with your feelings," he pointed out softly. "There are different kinds of intelligence."

[{｡^◕‿◕^｡}Ciel]

"I know..." Tai smiled softly, "They only think that...well...I was failing all of my classes at school at one point, like literally, with about 50's in each class, and it was because I was lazy...and one of the teachers...he was a family friend and a teacher at the school....he tricked me into taking an IQ test...by playing my favorite game, shogi, and he timed me as to how quickly I could beat him, and he played against me for a few days to see if it differed....and he did the math, and my IQ is over 200...that's why they all think that I'm a genius..." The older male stared off a bit, a bit distance, reminiscing on the past.

[BlaqueCatt]

"Is that a bad thing?" Katsumi questioned, lightly putting his hand on Tai's; it was the first time he had initiated contact. "Do you want people to think you're smart?" It doesn't really matter what people think...but we all care for some reason.

[{｡^◕‿◕^｡}Ciel]

"I don't really care, if people were less annoying, it would be so much better...people can think what they'd like, but overall, in the end it doesn't matter what they think, because there's nothing they can do about it, and there's nothing to do to change it, it's just the way it is...just being yourself is okay...be yourself, and you'll be okay...never try to be something you're not." murmured Tai softly, lightly glanced at the whitette.

[BlaqueCatt]

The neko's eyes were gentle. "Are you telling me that or yourself?" He smiled and leaned against Tai, resting his head on his shoulder. "I wouldn't care if you were smart or stupid...you're a nice person, and that's all that matters." He tried to sound as reassuring as he could, and he hoped that what he said didn't sound fake. He was trying to be as honest as possible.

[{｡^◕‿◕^｡}Ciel]

"I really don't know..." sighed the caramel-skinned male, his chestnut eyes gentle, and the amber diminished in them. His other eye was open, even though it looked glassy and it was glazed over. "But you see...you probably would care if I were stupid, you can say that you wouldn't now, because you know that I'm not stupid, therefor there's nothing to worry about...if I were stupid, I doubt I'd even recognize the fact that I have feelings for you...just thinking through all of this makes me brain hurt and it makes me tired...even though I can't go back to sleep..."

[BlaqueCatt]

The younger's tail bristled slightly at the comment. "Stupid people can love too!" he snapped forcefully, his hand tightening its grip on Tai's arm. "Even if you didn't recognize your feelings, they would still be there!"

[{｡^◕‿◕^｡}Ciel]

"Just because they would be there doesn't mean that I'd know what to do with them." said Tai quietly, under his breath. He didn't want to argue with the whitette. His head hurt, and especially his brain hurt. Slipping out of bed, he made his way towards the door, he said softly, "I'm sorry that I woke you up this early, you can go back to sleep if you'd like...I'll be outside if you need me..." His voice was a bit hollow at the end, and his voice was distant again. Quietly, he made his way towards the door, completely passing by his hoodie, and didn't even bother to put it on even though that tonight it was in the teens when it came to weather. When Tai's head hurt, he didn't quite function properly, and when this happened, it usually meant his mind was a on a barrage of many different things at the same time and it was on overdrive, in this state, he didn't care about his own well-being, he only needed to clear his mind. Slipping out of the room, he made his way to the other door that went outside, opened it, and then sat down on the steps, ignoring the cold to the best of his abilities, though he didn't shiver, his skin was starting to turn a reddish color form the chilly weather, and his eyes gazed off into the distance.

[BlaqueCatt]

Katsumi let out a low growl of frustration, his ears flattened and his tail completely on end. He won't listen to reason! It's like he's stuck in just one mindset... He hissed under his breath, not having any idea of what to do. It's almost like he's doubting himself, like he thinks he'll do badly in a relationship with me. He will if he doesn't accept who he is! The white-haired neko climbed out of bed and went to the door, peeking out of the room. The only thing I can do is be there for him when he needs me...this is something he'll need to sort out himself.

[{｡^◕‿◕^｡}Ciel]

Tai was never one to really have faith in himself, and never really was anything all that great, except for his vast intelligence. He was never good enough for his parents, which made him think that he was never going to be good for anyone or anything else, therefor he never tried, because he always had the idea that he'd get hurt in the end, and end up losing his mind. The caramel skinned male stared at his feet, under his eyes were a light shade of purple, and his feet slightly twitched, and his eye burned. He was slumped against the side of the pole that was near the steps of the porch, and he was sitting with his legs dangling off the edge of the steps, and his eyes were sealed shut, his hands were in an open circular formation. He was either in a deep meditation, or he was trying to focus, either way, he was obviously deep within his thoughts.

[BlaqueCatt]

Katsumi padded silently to the front of the house and sat in the doorway, not alerting Tai to his presence. His blue eyes were trained on the older male and he said nothing, simply watching. He had a feeling that Tai needed someone to have faith in him, so that was what he was going to do. It was obvious that the two of them needed each other, or at least someone to understand them. I'll show you how great you are.

[{｡^◕‿◕^｡}Ciel]

Chestnut eyes didn't open for quite some time, as if he had fallen asleep, he coughed briefly before he opened his eyes and stared out at the stars before they began to fade away. Sighing faintly, he fell on his side, staring back out into the nothingness.

[BlaqueCatt]

When he saw this, Katsumi started to worry about Tai's health. It can't be good for him to be out in the cold like this...plus his eye hasn't healed yet and he's tired. On his hands and knees he crawled over to Tai's side, curling his body around Tai with his face against his back. He still stayed silent.

[{｡^◕‿◕^｡}Ciel]

Tai wasn't a very healthy person to begin with, he was skinny as a twin and was basically skin and bones, except for the little bit of meat that he had on his chest, arms, and facial area. His eye was damaged, his mind was always whirling, though he didn't have anger issues, he had anxiety, and insomnia. His eyes were still open gazing at nothing, as if her were dead, even though he wasn't, he didn't respond to the whitette's touch at first, his body very cold. Softly, the caramel colored male placed his hands on top of the whitette's.

[BlaqueCatt]

The small neko rubbed his face gently against Tai's back, his tail wrapped around his leg. I thought I was the one with the problems, but you have yours too...maybe that's why we connected with each other in the first place. He put an arm around Tai's middle, taking Tai's hand in his. Maybe if we stay together, we can get through this.

[{｡^◕‿◕^｡}Ciel]

Tai's hands were ice cold, as was the rest of his body. Shifting a bit, he snuggled a bit deeper into the embrace, enjoying the foreign warmth. He didn't complain, and he didn't really seem to care that they were outside. "Thank you."

[BlaqueCatt]

Katsumi smiled against his back and squeezed his hand gently. "I promise that I won't leave you," he murmured. What happened with Takeru doesn't change how I feel about you. Just say that you'll stay with me too." I really do need him. Does he know that? Does he need me too? Or is this just wishful thinking?