Neko Private Roleplay {Ciel and Koe-chan} (18+)

[BlaqueCatt]

I wonder where we're going? he thought to himself, lifting his head from its resting place and looking around. I haven't seen much of the forest, so it could be anything.

[{｡^◕‿◕^｡}Ciel]

As they walked through the forest, Tai guided him in afluid motions, knowing exactly where he was going. Tai knew this area like it was a book that he had read in kindergarten, it was too simple for him, no longer a puzzle like it had used to be. Slowly, they approached the area that Tai had been wanting to grant his lover access to. The area was enclosed by thick trees, and the large amounts of leaves and pine blocked out the sun, except for a solo streak in it, which glistened on the ground eerily, though it was beautiful at the same time. Under the beaming light, there was very dark, red flowers that sprung up from the ground, they were winter flowers. Soft frost tingled on the darkened grass below, not yet melting, given that the area was even colder than the rest of the forest, given that this was the part of the forest that was the closest thing to isolated. A bit of frost tinted the tips of the leaves and pine on the trees, and the area was decorated with pinecones, and one holly bushel. It was like a little winter wonderland, without the snow.

[BlaqueCatt]

Katsumi's blue eyes widened and a look of surprise and wonder crossed his face. "It's so pretty," he breathed quietly, staring at the frost-covered flowers. He had always loved winter despite being cold most of the time. I didn't know it was cold enough here for frost, though.

[{｡^◕‿◕^｡}Ciel]

"I thought that you'd like it...are you pleased, Kat-kun?" Questioned the beige colored male softly, yet again, curious. He wanted his lover to be pleased with what he did, always.

[BlaqueCatt]

The whitette pulled down his hood so his face was clear and let go of Tai's arm, turning to face him. "It's beautiful, I really like it." He smiled genuinely and hugged the other gently, putting his arms around his middle since he couldn't reach his neck.

 

{I'll be back in an hour or so.}

[{｡^◕‿◕^｡}Ciel]

A soft noise almost made it's way through Tai's lips, though it didn't quite make it past the barrier. He was happy his lover had enjoyed his surprise, happy that he did good.

[BlaqueCatt]

"I was surprised that it's cold enough here to have frost though," he commented, pressing his cheek to Tai's chest as he gazed at the icy plants. "I like it, it makes it look kind of magical, if that even makes sense."

[{｡^◕‿◕^｡}Ciel]

"This area tends to be colder than the area that you live in, even though it about a half an hour away, but still, we get snow here, a lot more than where the area you live in does, and it gets cold here and early, and it stays a bit cooler later on, usually at least two degrees below the rest of the town's temperature." explained the beige colored male softly, drawing the younger male the slightest bit closer, enjoying the moment.

[BlaqueCatt]

The small smile on his face became softer. "I love snow. I used to hide in it when I was younger. But after a while my mom stopped me from going out too much because she...couldn't see me." He paused for a moment, feeling awkward, then continued, "My hair used to be black, and my eyes were brown."

[{｡^◕‿◕^｡}Ciel]

"That means nothing, physical traits do not determine what a person is and how that person is, looks don't really matter, when you have great personality, but honestly Katsumi, you are the most beautiful guy I've ever laid eyes on." It was said softly, hushed.

[BlaqueCatt]

His pale cheeks instantly flushed and he dropped his gaze to his sneakers, hiding his eyes behind his hair again. "O-oh...th-thank you..." he stuttered, shoving his hands into his pockets.

[{｡^◕‿◕^｡}Ciel]

Flinching away, Tai got own on a knee, his head ducked down for a second, his lip quivering a bit, feeling a bit disappointed with himself, he didn't know what he did wrong, and why his lover no longer look at him. Did I say something to displease him? Carefully, the beige colored male seized one of the uke's hands, and gently placed his lips to the top of it, though he didn't make eye contact with his lover, and in a bit of a pale voice, it almost sounded like a plea, "I'm sincerely sorry, bocchan...please forgive me for whatever I've done to displease you." The thing was, Taidanamaru always thought that he had been wrong when his uke wouldn't look at him, or break away, or just look at the ground after he tried to compliment him, or do something affectionate, it almost felt in his heart as if he had sinned against his lover. He was very insecure about his actions, himself, and everything that he did, he pretty much hated himself. There was so much about himself that he never told his lover, he usually only explained to other's as asked, and wasn't really the type to just talk about his past out of nowhere.

[BlaqueCatt]

Katsumi looked down at Tai in utter shock, not understanding what was going on. "W-what? You didn't do anything wrong..." His gaze drifted from Tai's face to their now joined hands. Is he worried because I looked away? "Tai...I only looked away because I was embarrassed," he said softly, getting down on his knees as well so he was closer to him. "You didn't upset me." He put his free hand on Tai's face to make their eyes meet. "What you said was really nice."

[{｡^◕‿◕^｡}Ciel]

Tough the reassurance that the whitette tried to give him almost soothed his momentarily achy heart, the beige colored male slightly leaned into the younger male's hand, though he somewhat avoided his gaze, staring at the ground. Though he was generally more dominant out of the two of them, Tai had some issues, issues that of course, he wouldn't quite explain, but, he still had them, and they made him somewhat fragile to certain things.

[BlaqueCatt]

The smaller male gave him a gentle smile and once again put his arms around him, pulling him in for a hug. He didn't say anything, because there was nothing left to say; all he did was kneel there with the other, eyes closed and expression peaceful.

[{｡^◕‿◕^｡}Ciel]

Tai sighed softly as they hugged, but there was something still twisting as his heart. "Kat-kun...there's something that I haven't told you...well..for a few days...I didn't want you to freak out or have more stress on your shoulders...but you really deserve to know I suppose." His voice seemed to crack a few times, refusing to cry, no, this didn't really hurt him, he didn't want it to hurt his lover, actually, it did somewhat hurt him, knowing one thing about the problem that made his stomach churn horribly, "Katsumi...ever since that accident where I had to go to the hospital for what happened to my eye...I've actually been blind ever since the accident, I already knew that it wasn't going to heal, and so did the doctor...I asked him for cream to make the infection in my eye go away...and to give you some hope, so you wouldn't blame yourself or breakdown...the only thing that I'm sad about...is that I can no longer fully look at you, and see how beautiful you are fully without having to stare for a minute to fully capture what emotions you're feeling...I can no longer really do that...there's only so many angles that I can see anymore...please...don't blame it on yourself...I knew the consequences for my actions when it happened...and it's not your fault...there was nothing that could have changed my mind in that moment or have had me act differently..."

[BlaqueCatt]

The smaller boy's body stiffened and his eyes opened again. For what seemed like a long time he said nothing, trying to process what had been told to him. His grip on Tai tightened, and he forced himself to breathe evenly, forced himself to keep his tears in, because he was tired of being so emotional. He swallowed and his ears flattened onto his head. He's partially blind...because I couldn't control myself. It's my fault, because I'm like this. Because I'm not human. "I'm sorry," he whispered, his voice dull, almost without emotion.

[{｡^◕‿◕^｡}Ciel]

"There's nothing to be sorry about, what's done is done." Tai said simply, though he'd open both eyes at once, like he'd actually be able to look at things through both eyes, it was pointless, because he couldn't. Tai gently hugged his lover tighter, drawing him closer to him.

[BlaqueCatt]

At first Katsumi was reluctant to respond to the touch, though he kept himself from flinching away because he knew how much it would hurt Tai, and he had suffered enough because of him. So he hugged Tai back, albeit weakly, and was silent. What he felt at that moment was hatred for himself, for what he was; he wasn't normal, he wasn't even human, and he had hurt the one he loved permanently.

 

{I have to go, I'll be back tomorrow}

[{｡^◕‿◕^｡}Ciel]

"Kat-kun...I don't want this indifference to make anything different between us...I can understand if you wouldn't want me anymore...given that I'd be less than a sufficient lover anymore...and I can understand you not desiring someone who has such a disability...I can leave, if that would make you happy, bocchan." murmured Tai quietly, though he didn't let the pain linger in his voice, even though it was tearing away at the wall of his mind, as if it were trying to consume him whole. And now that I've told him, he most likely does not want an insufficient partner as I, I'd humiliate him, and I would not be able to fulfill his needs and desires as well as I could of if I could see properly...I'm such a horrible lover. "I just want to do what would make you happy...anything...bocchan." The last part was said in a hushed whisper, and it allowed grief to pour through his words, and he nearly gagged at the end of his sentence, trying to keep the cries in.

[BlaqueCatt]

The whitette shook his head, gripping Tai's shirt so tightly that the skin on his hands his was strained. "No," he whispered, "you should be the one who doesn't want me. I've hurt you so badly, and it can never get better. You should want to leave me." I could never want to leave you.

[{｡^◕‿◕^｡}Ciel]

And yet sometimes, I feel like you haven't caused me pain. Maybe it's because sometimes, pain is what keeps me going, to show me that I'm still alive, to show me that I still exist, and just don't waste away meaninglessly."How have you hurt me? If anything, over the time that we've known each other, I've hurt you the most." It was said quietly. He was referring to how he had his father arrested, and how he felt like it was fault that his mother had to work more hours, "If anything this is payback for the bad I've done to you." Tai thought that this was a worthy punishment for what he believed he did. He believed that he, himself, was one of the most disgusting things he even knows, and that was because he always took the blame and the fault on everything, he pretty much hated himself.

[BlaqueCatt]

"I didn't want to hurt you!" he protested, pulling back to look at Tai's face. His blue eyes were confused and anguished. "Even if you did something bad to me I would never want to punish you! You make up for all the bad things by doing good things." I don't even think that you've done anything wrong. "But I don't do anything nice or good to make up for what I've done. You should punish me." Like he used to.

[{｡^◕‿◕^｡}Ciel]

"You've never done anything to deserve punishment." His voice was flat, his eyes staring blankly at the ground, the frost drifting a bit in the wind. Snow flakes began to drift down from the sky. Solid chestnut eyes were a bit distant, "No matter how much I'd try, I'd never even be able to punish you, I wouldn't be able to follow through with something like that, ever, I could never lay a hand on you to hurt you, and I could never scold you because I'd feel bad about it."

[BlaqueCatt]

"Then how could you even think that I would be able to hurt you?" he cried in disbelief, moving closer and putting his hands on Tai's knees. "I would never do anything to you on purpose!" His blue eyes were beginning to water against his will. "Tai, look at me! Please," he begged, his voice growing softer.