18+ 50 Shades of Despair

[Saga]

 

[ ^{THE TALE OF A UNGODLY MAN} ]

 

"I wasn't the best out of the worst. And I wasn't the worst out of the best. Just an ordinary messenger. I lived in the era of never-ending wars. But if I think about it, the whole existence of the universe is one never-ending war. So I am starting to think, I just exist. It doesn't matter in what era."

 

A few droplets of blood escaped the eyelids as eyes opened; vision was blurry. Jaropht wrists bitten by the coldness of chains, he was locked in some dark place. Yet, his conscious forced awake by the guilt and loyalty. The pale skin of his was like a perfect canvas for the bright red blood.

 

"I always lived and existed in regrets. Even on Earth and even in Hell. But the single ray of hope I got came from the darkest creature known, Death.. Even if I am to be erased and not a single soul remembers me, so it be..."

 

A shaky stagger-motion-like although on knees, he grew weaker and his weight leaning completely on the chains. His body bending, but his will not.

 

"I am such a disgrace. I started questioning the existence of god...gods. During my stay in Hell, I realized.., Hell lived within people and people brought Hell to life. I saw so much death and pain, but I could never imagine what he's seen. Little by little, I forgot about God. And my god became Death. We-..we humans are such cowards, ahahaha-...ha..hah.."

 

An ironic chuckle came, he titled his head backwards, letting his neck fully exposed. Eyes opened in a slow gesture, darkness before them but he seemed to see even so.

 

"Why? ..Because we cling to belief that suits us best. We cling to a god that saves us best. We often don't question our own existence, but theirs. We look for our purpose, and judge their purpose.."

 

Suddenly his eyes softened in another realization, his lips quoted a script he recalled.

 

-..and to the one who does not work but believes in him who justifies the ungodly, his faith is counted as righteousness..

 

The eyes sought in darkness some answers, but no matter how hard he tried to understand the nature of gods, less he could understand. Another swing to side, his chin nodded down in exhaustion. How much he bled? It felt like he bathed in lake of own blood. Spread arms and restrained by chains, his chest in pain.

 

"Sir...,you freed me twice. Once from Hell and once from you, but I never asked for the second time. Are you testing my loyalty again? Am I not worthy anymore?"

 

The despair made its way in his heart. That deserted feeling. It was a weird feeling, the despair. A mixture between pain, anger, exhaustion and worthlessness. If a word could describe the despair, it'd be a night in a cold desert. There was no guarantee you could make it out of despair, never there would be. It was easy to walk in and hard to walk out. Thorns would scratch your throat as a threat, if you tried to scream for help. Blindness would be the threat, if you tried to seek for help. The only thing allowed in the land of despair was to never stop walking. The direction was up to you. That was despair.

 

"Ah...let it be over..I can't anymore...to withstand.."

 

Lips parted as another leak of blood came out of his mouth, the exhaustion made it as a submitting spit. He didn't even cough. It was due to a poison he was forced to drink, but yet not allowing him to die. An old infusion that only a few knew. It was used only on gods, to break them. But because of in a hurry, the Supreme Curia had to apply it on Jaropht. The infusion would make you spit all of your iron, because iron was everywhere. When it was out of one's body or vessel, the infusion would be the thing keeping you alive in a never-ending pain. Until your mind broke.

 

The ex-secretary of Death dangled lightly his drained away from strength arms, tugging weakly at chains. He seemed to test how much of his limit was left.

 

"How idiotic. I am actually hoping that someone would come to rescue. But truth is, there is nothing more to rescue. I am almost done.."

 

As his eyes were to close again, the door creaked open from the embrace of darkness. A steady flow of steps made their way up to him. Jaropht had no will to even lift his chin.

 

- It's time, Jaropht. What is your last decision? ...Ah, wait. - sarcastically a member of the Curia spread open his white robe to crouch down and place his fingers under Jaropht's bloody chin for a lift,

- Before you make your choice, let me tell you something. If you think you will be erased and it'll end so easily, you are mistaken. I have a ticket for you. Destination your old, old, old and favorite home. - lips mocked on Jaropht's relaxed face that had eyes closed. A slight frown came right after the end of sentence, so the secretary opened his exhausted eyes.

- I am sending you to Hell, Jaropht. I bet many people would like to greet you there. After all, you are Death's secretary and he reaped so many. You bet they'd be glad to rip your flesh apart, what do you think?

 

A hard swallow, Jaropht felt the iron taste in throat. He squeezed his jaw, the fear grew within him. However, somehow the smile he saw on Death's face appeared in his mind. It oddly eased him. Was he going nuts? No. He was just loyal and he realized it. A faint chuckle, he got out of despair. How foolish he was to sink so deep.

- What is so funny, Jaropht? You can't be a masochist, right?

- I pity you. - Jaropht's eyes got their sparkle of fight.

The male before him would reveal the frown if it wasn't for the white and raven-like mask he wore.

- What?

- I pity all of you. Because you believe in justice.

- Seems the infusion broke your neurons, Jaropht. Of all people you should know there IS justice.

- No. There is no justice, moron. - Jaropht mocked on as he grinned with his teeth dirtied in dark red.

- Probably you are right, on your own accord. There is no justice for you.

- Ah.. -another mocking grin as he moved his chin away the other's fingers, - You seem to be even more pitiful than I could imagine. Justice can be reached only through rebirth. And the ticket for rebirth, you son of a bitch,...is Death.

The other male fell silent in an amazing doze of anger.

- Death is dead. - the tone was pretty serious.

- It can't be. - Jaropht denied to believe.

- I couldn't care less, if you believe me. However, you are still alive because of one single reason - tell us the script.

A moment of disturbing silence, Jaropht let out a faint smile.

- What is so funny? Decided yet?

- I almost forgot. - Jaropht darted his cold gaze at the male who wore mask, - Death's message.

" ... their time is coming and I will reap these motherfuckers' asses, for what they did."

 

A loud sound of slap echoed in the dark. The male slapped as hard as he could Jaropht's cheek; he wiped with disgust his hand into the white robe.

- Disgusting. Just go and die already! - he flicked fingers as rose up and two other masked males came forth to unchain the exhausted body.

- Prepare him for the court. It's time to judge.

 

[Leslie_LC]

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The story is developing very nicely! ^_^ Another great chapter ^_^

[xKai]

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coolness *__* I'm soooo curious if death will go n save him *__*

[Morinaga's Girl]

:leaf9: Someone save Jaropht :leaf7:

[Justme]

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I'm so curious what will happen with the secretary rabbit2

[Saga]

 

[ ^{INNOCENT UNTIL GUILTY} ]

 

^{[SONGS USED FOR THE CHAPTER]}

"If I am asked what Death is like, I'd most probably keep quiet. Speaking of Death is not something you can do with ease. Any form of definition is not enough. It's not because of his darkness, mystery and the fear he gives you. If there is darkness, surely there is light. If there is a mystery, surely truth awaits. Fear is an illusion. How can you define such a creature, then?"

 

Jaropht was kneeling before the court, restrained by chains. His blood was off iron, the only thing keeping him alive was the poison in his veins. The drenched-like head of his nodded to side, trying hard to keep conscious. To be expected, he was a loyal man. Even in his last hour he thought of his master. His pupils were following the motion mouths made, probably he was judged right now. But not a sound was reaching him. He sank in his own world, denying the judgement in his own way.

 

"I wonder if Death is actually the answer. Not that kind of answer, when you are hopeless and you end it yourself. No, no, not that kind. I wonder if he is a key to a door, which humanity seeks for so long. Usually what appears to be fearsome is actually the path to our legacy; our purpose and our most precious memento. Can it be, Death is the ultimate and only one legacy left for us? If so, we are really blind. At least, while we exist."

 

A shaky exhaled breath came out his crimson and bloody lips, not enough of strength to chuckle at his insane thoughts. Another nod of head, he lowered his chin. In and out, then in again onto a world which belonged only to him. No matter how hard he was to be judged, that world would be never destroyed.

 

"What is the difference when you learn that you're about to die and when you are dying? Aren't both related to death anyway? Why there should be a difference? I don't know. But surely there is a difference. At the time of dying, when there is no escape..,somehow the world seems different. These little worries like 'what to eat, what to do in free time, how to move on after heartbreak'...they all seem so pointless. So pointless. You know you will stop moving - literally. What's left is how far you got and what you left behind. Some people die in regrets. But 'regrets' and 'death' are both results. Somehow I don't want to be defined by results. It'd be much more easier, if I was defined by my own legacy. Because legacy is not an after-result, it's a way to exist."

 

His mind fell silent for short as his eyes rose in a sparkle of sweet momentum.

 

"Ah, so that must be..

Are you a legacy, Death..?"

 

- According the law of universe, one shall be found guilty if not cooperating with the Curia's requests. - a monotone voice spoke in the dark room. In fact it was a huge room just like any other court hall.

Jaropht finally could hear his surrounding. So they found him guilty? Not like he expected else. His eyes slid close. What court it was that which not allowed even a defender?

- .. Laughable. - Jaropht mumbled out under nose, his weight leaning forth but held from the chains.

- Silence, trash.

As a reply to the insult, Death's secretary rose chin with his last determination - he had to glare.

- You seem to agree not with our judgement. - another masked male spoke, in hands he held some papers. Jaropht knew very well that the Supreme Curia was made of one represent of each race; of course without humans, angels, demons and reapers. All represents were most powerful ones among their own races, for they were supreme.

- Agree? Who are you actually to decide on judgement?

- Know your place. If it wasn't Death, who obviously you want to protect so dearly, Terra would exist. And we wouldn't need God, wars and misery. But he brought all forth. He must be judged.

- Judged? By you? - he coughed out his chuckle and tugged at the chains as fists wrapped around them,

- I think YOU should know your place.

 

It seemed that Jaropht had no intention to back off. It was clear he'd die, so why not stand up for once?

- Hah. Look at you. So desperate. You think you'll be forgiven, if you stay loyal? - the Curia stuck right into the scar. Jaropht fell silent.

- What's wrong? Did I hit a bull's eye? You actually believe in forgiveness and salvation? I must say you're very optimistic for Death's secretary. Let me tell you, there will be no forgiveness and no salvation for you. Death is dead, God is dead. All left is to erase that annoying universe.

- You're wrong...

- Wrong? I think your head's wrong.

- Death is not dead.. God will live as long as Death is.

- Ah, scripts speak a lot, indeed. But how come you believe so blindly in some written rubbish? What if I tell you otherwise? What if .. your God is actually Death?

- God is Death? You are absurd..

- Well, basically truth is always absurd.

- Lies.

- Have you seen God?

- .. No..

- Have you seen Death?

- ...

- Then I have nothing else to say. You had your last chance and you threw it away. Do you regret?

- Regret.. - he grinned dryly, what an irony to be asked that when he thought of regret awhile ago,

- Yeah I regret, for throwing it away...

 

The man grinned behind the mask, but then he heard the rest of the sentence,

- ..that I didn't punch you when I had the chance.

That angered the male and he smacked the papers against his desk, to announce aloud the judgement.

- By the power of the Supreme Curia, today on the 79,367th day of T.E. , according law number 431 of universal peace, chapters 5th - We found Jaropht Croil for guilty. According law number 3rd of universal peace, chapter 1st - if there is someone who can justify the sin by proof, may them step forth or fall silent forever.

 

There were given 60 seconds in a punishing silence. Of course Jaropht had not lawyer. And by law he could not defend himself. The secretary knew best what was ahead. Each next second his hopes were crashed. Not even sure if the Curia did it on purpose, knowing that no one would come for him. Just to show him how meaningless he was.

 

- Well, then. We shall process to the punishm-... - suddenly the big gate cracked open with a kick. The judge was cut to half sentence and everyone averted heads to the door except Jaropht. He had no strength to even breathe.

- What's that? You ain't even waiting the full pack of 60 seconds. - said jokingly, the male made his appearance. Jatopht frowned. He seemly disliked the male who came in, more his personality.

- You.. You shouldn't be here. - one of the Curia spoke in angry voice, but still kept it down.

- Really? - he made his way to the huge and tall desk as jumped on some random supportive desk near the main one, to reach for the male. He dumped before him a huge book open.

- According law number 954th of the universal peace, no matter the race and the origin, once the defender is summoned by law number 3rd, they must step forth or death awaits them; humbly represented as "fall silent". - he leaned forth even more with his innocent grin, - Not that I want to be rude, Your Majesty... but I don't want to deal with Death. Certainly not.

- ... I see. Well, I suppose you know what that means.

- Of course. More than just 'well'. - he jumped off the small desk to glance over Jaropht who obviously wanted to avoid eye-contact. The newcomer grinned, loving how stubborn Jarohpt was.

- May you process with the defending part now.

- Ah. Of course, but first I should know what is he accused for?

- ... - the Curia fell silent, they knew this person was sneaky. Not to mention there was a reason for his position in Hell and Heaven.

- Broken law 431st of the universal peace.

- Ah. ..Can you refresh my memory, Your Majesty?

- "According the law of universe, one shall be found guilty if not cooperating with the Curia's requests."

- Oh. I see. - his silver eyes took sharp form as his voice deepened, - And may I know what the Curia's requests were?

- You should know your place as a defender. After all, your role is to provide us proofs, not ask questions about the Curia's affairs.

- Right. - he grinned faintly as made his way slowly to Jaropht. His hand grabbed the male by the hair, tugging abruptly to jerk the body; he forced him to tilt head backwards. Silver eyes met Jaropht's exhausted gaze, his out of breath expression was pitiful and miserable. But that was actually what his new lawyer liked. Although he frowned, he released Jaropht from the grip.

- Your Majesty...

- Yes.

- Do you recall the last law of universal peace? It was actually added after the end of Terra.

- ... - the court was silent. They disliked where it was going.

- I kinda like the saying 'eye for eye, and tooth for tooth'. What a wise man Matthew was.

- You can't use that law. - the judge rose a bit his voice.

- I can't use that law? How come you can use a law that favors the Curia, but I can't use the law that favors my client? You've broken a rule that shouldn't have broken. That infusion was forbidden to be used even on gods. However you used it on a simple soul that had no powers to fight the destructive effect of it. The way I see it, the one judged here must be you, not him.

- You are twisting the things now. He broke a rule as well.

- What rule this idiot broke? Since when being loyal is breaking a rule?

- Not if loyalty is seen as a participation in crime.

- Well, you've got a point. - the lawyer tilted head from side to side, being a bit doubtful but still.

- ... Are you even my lawyer? - Jaropht mumbled, annoyed by the way the male acted. It was visible how much Jaropht disliked him. On other hand, the lawyer enjoyed it rather than being worried.

- Is that all you had to offer? - the judge asked in a sarcastic tone.

- Heh. Of course not. If you reject that law.., - the male turned around with his calm posture, - .. how about the law speaking for betrayal?

- What do you mean?

- Must I refresh your memory for a thing that occurred a few days ago? Who gave the script to Lucifer?

- ... - the judge rose from his place as slammed his hand against the desk, - Do you know what it means to accuse the Curia in crime!?

- Eh? - the lawyer blinked - ... Accused? - he grinned ironically, - I just asked you, Your Majesty. Not accusing. There is a difference between how you feel and how things are supposed to make you feel. If you eat hot soup, your tongue should be burned but you enjoy the burning sensation. Aren't you the same way, Your Majesty?

Jaropht blinked a few times, not quite catching what was happening. Whispers were passed from ear to ear, the court was pushed in corner.

- You...

- Yes. Me. - the defender grinned as his hands were ready to react to whatever happened now. He wouldn't be so naive to stand there all static before the annoyed court.

- Do you think I will let you go with him?

- Hm. Hard to say, but you must.

- Must?

- As if you don't know what it means to annoy him when he is about to return.

- ... -the judge scratches lightly against the desk with his dark nails, jaw squeezed, - Why should I care, if I can destroy him?

-You can't destroy him and you know it. Being hypothetical is not healthy either.

-Don't think you won...

- My. I am not so rude, Your Majesty. - the lawyer grinned as lowered his head before the supreme.

It was a sign that they were green-lit to go. The male didn't wast time and bent the chains with his powers to free Jaropht. A split of second lasted as long as a blink and they were gone. Jaropht felt in debt and he disliked that feeling.

 

****

 

- Don't think I will thank you. - as poisonous as his veins were.

- Save your annoying behavior for later. You're dying. - the male carried him on his back, his palms gently guiding Jaropht's thighs.

- Is it true? That he is...dead?

- Yes.

- Guess I am guilty for letting him free me..

- Nah. Innocent until guilty. - the male chuckled as kept walking.

[YLover]

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When the lawyer grabbed his hair all I could see was a yaoi scene *____* and that hand on his thigh onion12

[yaoi4fans]

Waaaaaa!!!! rabbit2I can't wait for the continuation rabbit8

 

Beautiful chapters always Saga *bows*

[Leslie_LC]

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Another great chapter! I must admit I wasn't expecting this outcome and I'm very pleased with it ^_^

[Saga]

 

[THE BLIND]

 

^{[SONGS USED FOR THE CHAPTER]}

 

Jaropht was put in a bed, the life was slowly slipping away from him. Although they hurried to pass through quite some dimensions in order to find Shirahane, the time was growing so little. E reason would be that from dimension to dimension, time was calculated in a different way. If one day on Earth was 24 hours, then each next dimension would grow with 24 years. And the Supreme Curia was locked between a gap of dimension fourth and fifth. When he returned to earth, 120 years have already passed.

 

A dry cough abused his lips, he slid open his tired eyes and vision was more blurry than when you get hit in the head. The male knew he didn't have much left. But it was okay. In fact, he wanted to die. Probably when let go, he would be able to find his master once again. Right now he didn't seek forgiveness of God, but of Death.

 

- Oi, can you hear me? - the known voice spoke.

- ...Man, even in my time of dying you intend to annoy me with your presence. - Jaropht went rude on the man who saved him, but he was truly grateful.

- Heh, mean as ever. - he reached his hand, settling it on Jaropht's forehead. The male had fever due to the poison although he wasn't exactly alive to begin with. After all he was Death's secretary, but then again it didn't mean he couldn't die.

- Say...is Shirahane Gin doing a good job? - Jaropht averted his eyes to the other, meeting the silver gaze. The man grinned as removed his hand,

- You will be surprised how much he changed.

- I knew it.. - Jaropht misunderstood as sighed troubled.

- Really? - the male leaned back on his chair as crossed his legs.

- After all he has the power of a god, who wouldn't abuse it?

A short silence before the other looked away to a random vase with yellow tulip flowers.

- Reminds me of Terra, you know.

- The tulips? - Jaropht looked to that direction as well, although he saw the flowers so blurry.

- I miss Terra. But you know, Earth is similar to it. I spent some time with Shirahane, the low race, he is one of a kind. I can see why Death got so fond of him.

- Different?

- He doesn't need power, Jaropht. Do you know what he asked Death in his time of dying?

- It's not good to peek in boss' contracts, you know? - Jaropht tried to joke.

- Well, I am his guardian and manager, so it's only natural to know. I know what you asked him in your time of dying, as well. - the silver gaze fastened at Jaropht.

- ...Ah.. - Jaropht looked away, - ... Embarrassing.

- Ahahaha. Come on, you don't act like yourself. You used to hate me.

- Hating in my time of dying was never part of my personality to begin with.

- True that. - the male fell silent, then uncrossed his legs to get up.

- So.. what did he ask Death? - the dying male got curious.

- He asked the reason Death exist.

- ..What? - Jaropht frowned, it didn't make sense at all. Every human being was enough of selfish to ask a question about their doubts, uncertainty or fears. Even he asked Death a thing related to his fears.

- See? Shirahane never took fate and gods as part of his life. He adopted the Despair. And you and I know another being who adopted that same Despair.

- Yeah.., Death.

- Indeed. Death was always denied, feared. No one actually cared why he existed or how he got born. If a soul had enough of lives, they stopped asking. However, Shirahane is actually an old soul.

- Old soul!? I thought old souls are welcomed by God to become angels?

- So did I.

- Why is he on Earth, then?

- I don't know details, but from Death's words he is special. God wouldn't leave old souls on Earth. Nor would Lucifer do so. Though I doubt Lucifer noticed it. Death hid that fact with his own Albus thread.

- Wise move. Many would want to obtain the power of an old soul. It is said that they have the knowledge of God.

- I believe he denied God's offer, in a way.

- Is it even possible? If he denied to be an angel, he had to be punished into Hell.

- Probably because he has that habit of fooling surrounding he is an idiot. - the male laughed briefly.

- Except Death, it seems. - Jaropht relaxed his neck onto the pillow, eyes staring at the ceiling.

- You can't cheat Death, they say.

- Very true. ..Say, why did you save me?

- You are needed, that's all.

- Is that so? - Jaropht smiled palely.

- Hmmm. - the male bared his teeth in a wide grin as walked to Jaropht, torso bending a bit to hover over the exhausted body,

- You seemed disappointed.

Jaropht vision got completely captured by the closeness of this face, his eyes averted to side,

- Not really.

- "Is that so"? - the other quoted him in a teasing manner.

- Does that disappoint you? - he returned the favor.

- What if I say yes?

- .. - Jaropht didn't have a good enough of reply, but the other could catch on.

- Ah. He is here. - a shift of position, the male got away from the bed.

 

***

Dark mist fell over the human's world. The night sky seemed starless and the moon felt too lonely. The current state of the world, after Death disappeared leaving Shirahane alone, was not really good. It was more needed to keep the balance, rather restore it. Gin knew it. It wasn't natural for a human to be Death. Against all laws of universe. However, what he could do - he would. From the shadows reapers tore their forms off, as if awaiting the appearance of their boss. After all, the difference in time between dimensions was too huge and years passed. Gin finally tamed the reapers, they all recognized him as a leader.

 

 

The wind was the only thing that refused to keep silent. It whistled around the darkness, spreading open a knee-long, white coat. Jade, green eyes lifted their gaze from ground. The short hair was already long and its color changed to platinum blond. Of course, his aging has stopped. The male looked so different and although king of darkness, he looked actually like an angel. His hands were gloved with white fabric. The cane in his left hand wasn't to support him walk, rather it was part of his new look. Over 100 years have passed, enough for him to change. But who knew that he felt as guilty as before. Sadly he couldn't show it.

 

The dark corridor he walked on was filled with punishing silence. His steps echoed and whipped the walls. Perfect lips' corners were relaxed. He easily found Jaropht's Albus, which was barely hanging on. As soon as he stood before the door, he paused. Was he ready to enter. But right now he led Death's army, he couldn't show any weakness. It wasn't needed to open the door, he passed through it.

 

Silence.

.

.

.

.

.

 

- Samael. - he nodded chin lightly to greet the angel of Death and turned gaze to the bed.

- Jaropht. - he didn't move at all, not knowing if Death's secretary saw him as a traitor.

A brief of moment before actually Jaropht spoke,

- You've grown stronger.

- Strength is for the weak. Weakness is for the strong. Do I look weak?

- Glad you understood what I meant. - Jaropht averted eyes to Gin, - You're barely hanging there, Shirahane.

- Said the one dying, heh.

- Ahahaha-... - the male coughed weakly, but continued his thought - ..you sound like him.

- Well, I have to.

- So..should I ask my question before I die? - Jaropht smiled lightly.

Gin averted his eyes to the tulips in the room as lifted cane up to walk over the table and set it there. He could feel Jaropht's need to part from life. He has been tortured too much and the state of his body was actually worse than any other punishment known. It was natural for one to wish for death.

- I am sorry, Jaropht.

- Why are you apologizing?

- I couldn't save you in time. I am sorry.

 

A memory hit Jaropht. Ah, he sounded really like Kou. In fact they were so similar, but yet so different. Death's secretary widened eyes, then relaxed them.

- That makes it a second time.

- A second time?

 

Samael slid his eyes close, knowing very well what Jaropht was talking about. But he stood from aside, not able to take any part of the current conversation, so he just found a nice spot in a corner to lean back against wall, with arms crossed before chest.

- The second time Death aplogize to me. - Jaropht chuckled as looked over Gin.

- Ah, that. Yeah..

- So you saw it? - the male let his smile on lips.

- Well, his memories are engraved in my mind.

- So, you apologized on purpose?

- No. I aplogize sincerely. And because I, too, can't let you die as he couldn't.

-..What do you mean? You have a secretary.

- Ah, so you found out? - Shirahane smiled.

- Of course. That asshole will never save me, if not ordered. He might be the angel of Death, but he would never bow down before Death. Not like Death wanted him to bow.

- It's not I need you as a secretary. I need you alive.

- Alive for what purpose? I served my master, it's natural to part now.

- I need you alive for him.

- What?

Shirahane turned his back at Jaropht as walked over the yellow tulips, recalling the picture of that field on Terra he dreamed once.

- I will bring him back to life.

- Even if you don't bring him to life, the universe will.

- True, but he will suffer once again.

- Well, that's why the universe locks some parts of his memory. To save him from self-destruction. He is needed. - Jaropht moved gaze back to the ceiling.

- Why all of you are so blind? - Shiragane spoke so calmly with a question that had to be in an angry manner.

- Blind? Blind to what, Shirahane? To his pain? I saw his pain for so long, but not even once I pitied him. The pity doesn't suit him, affection is what I found there.

- Never said I pitied him, Jaropht. - Gin turned around, his eyes piercing through the dark,

- You are blind to how self-destructive he has become even without memories. Despair doesn't need memory, it needs a soul. And he held not only one soul. You were with him for epoches, but you never could be him, to know how heavy that burder can be.

- Hah.., - Jaropht rose hand to hover the forearm over his already closed eyes,

- Why do I need you to tell me that? Of course I know it was a burden. He was more silent thant the silence itself. And silence, Shirahane, is scary. So scary, it always speaks the truth.

- Then why you would allow him to erase the life and restart the universe again? Why all of you leave him alone?

- Because ... the king is always alone.. - Jaropht removed his arm away from face, to open eyes with his saddened gaze,

- Because of his crown he has to bear, the king should be alone.

- And that same king... - Shirahane raised his voice with each next word, - ... left you alive because you denied your master!

Jaropht shot his eyes wide open, was it Gin's opinion or it was part of Death's thoughts back then?

- What...do you mean? ... Why..why are you saying that? - shaky his voice became.

- I speak only truth and you know it. I cannot lie as Death. - his voice was so stabbing the core of Jaropht. Was that what it meant to pull the despair off your core? It hurt badly.

- .. It...it doesn't make sense.. - Jaropht frowned, not accepting that truth. - He said to never betray him, why would he save a traitor for the reason he betrayed? And then ask the opposite of it? ..Once a traitor, you always stay a traitor..

 

Gin relaxed his eyes, knowing very well that feeling. He let his lip corners stretch a bit in a small smile.

- Jaropht. The saint will never understand the belief too well. But the sinner does, for he broke that belief. To be the saint, you have to sin. That is how belief works. I need you to break the belief.

- The belief? The belief of what?

- I want to deny the universe. Help me deny it, for I sinned as well. And I understand that belief. The king was never his brother.

 

Jaropht eyes looked over Shirahane. He realized that Gin knew a lot more about Death, actually probably the only one who knew him too well right now.

 

- The king of Terra..

 

Samael slid his eyes open; that small room was filled with so much of truth, that even the air felt different. The flowers seemed to tremble before the words.

- ... was Death.

- You..do you realize that...you deny the history?

- The history? The history never was a truth. The king saved his brother...twice. As for the rest, I cannot speak more. His brother ...would be probably proud of such a king. But he was judged too early, not allowed to express his gratefullness. Jaropht, don't you want to express your gratefullness to such a king? Or you too will leave him alone?

- .. - Jaropht looked aside, his eyes met Samael's serious gaze. Seemed the angel of Death agreed with Gin. So it was true? The king of Terra took all the burden of life and death into his chest.

- I see. - the ex-secretary let his eyes relax closed, his chest inhaled from that air filled with truth, feeling his lungs for first time,

- Gin. I must apologize as well.

 

Shirahane stood tall, his expression not changed.

- I am sorry that I judged you too fast. You don't lack weakness, but strength. But I must know one thing, aren't you afraid of being erased? After all, in both cases you will be erased.

- I doubt I will be erased. I recalled who I was before the world told me who I should be. And I was a selfish man. As such, I am selfish enough to engrave the memory of myself into him. Even if I die, as long as he remembers me ... I will live forever.

- Brave words are accompanied with fear. Remember that, Gin, if you don't success to make him take away your powers without him remembering you, you will anger the most fearsome creature that ever existed.

- I know. He will remember me only after he erase me. However, I trust you both, to not stop him. For the sake of the worlds, let's tame the reborn Death.

- You have my word - Jaropht swore.

- Ah.. idiot stays idiot, I guess. - Samale cracked a promising and sarcastic at same time grin, he nodded as a sign of vow.

[YLover]

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Gin must die too? Y____Y

[Leslie_LC]

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I enjoyed reading all the published chapters up to now ^_^ Keep it up ^_^

[yaoi4fans]

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When Gin came I thought it was Kou coming :leaf8: I am getting obsessed :leaf10:

[Saga]

 

[ ^{Beyond the Veil} ]

^{[SONGS USED FOR THE CHAPTER]}

^||

^||

- Loneliness...

 

His blackcurrant eyes rose from the ground to the departing sun. His dark color got illuminated from the crimson colors in the sky. Kou had a nice spot on a random bench; as for his surrounding - hardly could be called busy. However, it seemed more lively than a busy street in Tokyo. The field was dyed in never-dying green color as wind carried different vows along the petals scattered within.

 

- What a tricky feeling. It can swing you from sweet nostalgia to a destructively painful emptiness. I saw and felt many different feelings. But even if I stand here for a second time, I am unable to understand the nature of human's falsely accused despair. Mostly brought in from the so called 'love'.

 

His back leaned backwards as the wind played gently with his hair. Besides his right side a contact between shoulders was made. Such well formed shoulders that carried such a weight.

- It's hard to express the feelings of a god, isn't it, Messorem?

- I suppose it's a reason why we are gods. - the brim of his eyelids relaxed in a gentle gesture.

- Of course. Did you think it's just a label?

- I humbly hoped so. - the blackcurrant gaze averted to side to meet golden eyes.

 

Two gods that lived for too long. It was a well known fact that humans spoke so lightly of time, the sense of time. But what was time when you had no power over it? It was a thing one should fear. But such a fear existed not in gods, especially these two gods. The fear of time however wasn't the fear humans and mortal creatures felt. It was the fear of infinity. Not of time.

 

- There are many things yet to come. You are too kind for the god of Death, Messorem. - the golden gaze reached for the ever so falling asleep sun. His gaze melted so fine in the last drops of crimson.

- Ah. And you are too cold for the god of Creation, Yehowah. - yet the blackcurrant eyes gestured to greet the waking up moon. His light indigo parts melted so fine with the silver, plain color of the moon.

- Respectively speaking, you and I exist for the contrast, don't we? - God smiled as slid his eyes close.

- I don't remember anymore. And seemly, sometimes I don't feel like remembering, Yehowah. - Kou let his head tilt back, gaze soaring up high. It was a different kind of sky. Seemed like a mixture between the ocean and sky. Two horizons coming together.

- What if you reject remembering something worth the remembrance? - God asked a rhetorical question; his eyelids opened mercifully to grasp a peek from the beautiful sight of Kou's world - the dark night.

- Wasn't ignorance a bliss? - another rhetorical question came, seemed the gods were dancing in a world so different from the known.

- It is, however you never were ignorant. You can't use such an excuse, Messorem.

- Merciless as ever. - Kou smiled - I love your judgement.

 

The wind whistled around the gods, they both kept the silence impregnable. But the the god of Death had to ask,

- Say,Yehowah.. How would you judge me? - the damned god seemed to enjoy the feeling of being at least once on a judged position, although he knew one day God would have to be judged by him as well. Was it Kou's kindness to let the other god use the opportunity now?

- Judgement was never to my tastes, Messorem. But I have to do it in order to create. Like any other maker, one knows what they give birth to. Whether the creation is blessed or cursed; however, no one likes to judge their own works. Because the affection and fear will always take place within.

- Are you afraid of me, God? - Death suddenly dropped the closeness of name-usage. He tilted his head to the god of Creation, slightly frowning. Seemed like, almost like he didn't like how every single creature feared him.

- Why would I fear my purpose of existence? - God looked over.

- Because you're not my maker. The only thing you haven't created yourself; you don't know whether I am blessed or cursed.

 

God returned his gaze to the dark horizon which played around the shining moon.

- True. But isn't it more fearsome to exist without a purpose? Messorem, aren't you the who judges here? After all, you are my maker. Let me return the question, am I blessed or cursed? - God slapped Kou through the power of words.

 

Blackcurrant gaze caught the fall of a petal near the bench, his eyes focused on the grace of the 'last dance' of that lonely petal. He smiled almost faintly.

- What if I tell you...your curse is blessed? - the god of Death reached hand out to capture the falling petal in his palm. Soon enough it withered. Kou's eyes saddened and he let the petal land perfectly fine against God's shoulder. It was revived to beautiful pink color.

- ..And my bliss is cursed. - he finished his thought.

- Do you remember the first time we met on that bench, Messorem? - God spoke so out of topic, but yet it was a promising beginning.

- Barely. - Kou lied; he felt such a relief he could lie without the chains of Sat and when is out of Sat's Realm. But seemed God's smile spoke for 'I know you lie'.

- I told you humans exist of hopes. They lean on hopes when nothing else is left. And I exist thanks to hope, as well. You are my hope, Messorem. However, - God averted his deep, golden eyes to Kou, - when the time comes and I am long gone, put your belief in my legacy and don't reject the creation of the creation you made. You judged me well; I am blessed but no maker who is cursed can make something so blessed and pure. Look around you, Messorem. This field is here thanks to you. All beginnings have an end, however all ends have a beginning. You are not cursed, you're just lost in a world so fearsome to one's understandings. And what is more fearsome is that you have accepted it and got used to it. I wouldn't want to be in your place, but if I were... - God smiled once again as he touched Kou's forehead - .. I'd have a little more faith in humans. Don't reject the most powerful source of a will and hope. Don't reject the origin of 'changes'.

 

With last whispered words God scattered along the blown by the wind petals. His words left e remarkable point in Messorem's mind. The damned god reached hand to touch where the blessed god touched; his eyebrows locked in a frown. How could God speak so well?

- Your win, Yehowah. -he lowered head with a satisfied chuckle though it was so weak to be heard. The damned god felt so dejected due to the overwhelming knowledge Sat Ream could grant him. But most important answers were always most simplest.

 

In his moment of a comfort from God, his old friend, Kou felt the cold, crawling sensation around his wrists. Sat was demanding his return to the last Realm of Heaven. So it was time? To return and restart the world.

- How troublesome..

[YLover]

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I was so happy to see Kou back :hamtaro-005 (10):

[yaoi4fans]

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Deaaaaaaaath is back rabbit4 I wait so much for his reuuuunion with Gin rabbit2