Do you ever have to remind yourself...

[Iwaaant]

Sometimes I get very wrapped up in a manga and the tension between the uke/seme that I have to remind myself that all the fuzzy feelings that have been stirred up are the product of a really great piece of fiction. None of it is real. For some reason, that moment when this reality hits is really painful and disappointing for me.

 

I think it's healthy to feed the imagination but sometimes I wonder if I am indulging too much if I would much rather spend my time in an imaginary set-up than something real where people don't behave like manga characters-- at least not naturally.

 

Maybe some of the folks here who are a little bit older or have more life experience or expectations/responsibilities can relate. How do you keep yourself from getting too invested in a story that reality becomes disappointing? I have this vision of myself sixty years from now, an old lady with the same hobbies, and I begin to wonder if only my chronological age is moving forward. Or, if there is a chance my happy inner world will ever intersect with my day to day outer world? Thanks for your thoughts! :hamtaro-005 (4):

[lin senya]

after reading your thread I felt like: "i've met my soulmate!!!!" I actually have the very same problem...

however, I do not agree on the fact that you think that older yaoi otaku are more capable of restraining their imagination to avoid making reality look even more depressing or disappointing than it actually is...when I think about it we ended up reading manga BECAUSE reality is disappointing!!! this feeling of yours that you would rather live in an imaginary world and get rid of the real one (adapt it to look the similar to our lala-land /or in certain persons cases: simply ignoring reality) isn't the result of letting your mind run wild it's the cause!! so, i don't think it's that necessary to change your way of thinking (as long as you manage to keep doing weel at school and to maintain basic human contact at least!! I don't want you to become socially withdrawn!!) just let it go!! it won't harm you ,so just keep it in check! most people are disappointed in their lives and manga is a way to release stress and forget about daily troubles, not to make them worse!!

I'm still young myself (15 yo);so you may want to hear an older (more experienced) person's point of view, but Ihope i was halpful.

[ukemextreme]

i don't know. i mean, i'm pretty much level-headed so i guess this kind of thing...i have not encountered such.

 

although i can relate to you guys being disappointed a little bit just because the characters in mangas are so good to be true. i even have crushes on them. the thing is, i think real-life people are still better and i tell myself that these hobbies of mine will just remain as hobbies. true, we can't really just let go of them and not letting go of them isn't a problem; we love mangas after all. mangas are, sometimes, our ways to escape reality but it doesn't mean that it's because our real lives are disappointing. i'm 18 and i'm not that older than you guys but i think you should see your real lives in a different perspective as well and be optimistic. i guess that's why i have no problem differentiating my "wanting a manga universe" and my real universe.

 

the only thing that bridges my fantasies and reality, though, is probably my fangirl-ing whenever i see boys dating (as in, date date). i don't know. i just keep fangirl-ing ._.

[1330tango]

You seem pretty mature and seem to have a good understanding of what you're dealing with. I'm not 60, but I am an adult who doesn't have to hide her BL collection or interest from anybody. I still enjoy things from childhood, like reading. I think that many people who enjoy reading, do so because they can escape to that fictional world. I don't feel disappointed because I know that what I'm reading deals with fictional settings and characters. On the flip side, I wouldn't want people to behave in some of the negative ways manga characters behave in - stalking, non-con, forced co-habitation, exposing everybody to second hand smoke (my personal pet peeve), keeping the relationship top secret from family, etc. Manga characters also experience the dark side of life, even when there is a HEA. Cut is an example.

 

I usually don't read angsty BL because in the line of work I'm in, I see enough real life angst and don't need to experience it through fiction. Some of the angst in BL seems so over the top and dramatic, because I deal with real life stuff. Others in my profession may love angst because they can relate. That is the beauty of fiction to me.

 

If you feel that you are spending too much time in an imaginary world, depending on how old you are (you may need parental permission), you may want to consider doing some volunteer work. I find that when I help others, I feel good about myself and others. Organizing a group of friends (or just you and somebody else) to walk at a charity walk feels good, especially when you see how many people care about the same thing you do. Anyway, sorry so long, but hope you find your answers.

[Artist-san]

i think that the best way(which has worked for me ) is to stop reading yaoi and in extreme cases to stop reading manga at all! Do it for like 5 months or less so that u can detach from the feeling of emptiness.

[BlueRayman]

I'm an adult myself and it was only as I got into my 20's that I developed a love of reading at one point i was reading about 3 books (novels) a week and found I had to cut back a little. Now I still read a lot both manga and books on on average about 2hrs a day.

 

I'd say for myself I try not to stick to one genre for example I look reading warhammer 40k books but i know perfectly well that its just bubblegum for the brain so after reading 1 or 2 I'll read something a little more mature/insightful like do androids dream of electric sheep by philip k dick or dune by frank hurbert. Just recently read the Count of Monte Cristo again (must be like the 7th time now) and next on my list is to kill a mocking bird which I've not read yet.

 

I guess the trick is not to let the thing you love close you off from finding other thing you might love as well anything done to excess can be bad for you, but saying that a little over indulgence every now and then isn't a bad thing either. like 1330tango I don't have to hide the fact that i read yaoi, hell i was round at my friends house one night and whilst they were playing warhammer I was watching junjo romantica on the 36" living room tv.

 

On the 60 year old thing, next time your round a grandparants house take alook at their bookshelves and see how many miils and boon books you can spot and have a flick threw one. Now thats over indulgence

[teaandyoghurt]

I don't think there's anything wrong with getting so involved in something that you feel for it.

As long as you don't neglect your responsibilities, yourself, or your relationships with others it's not harmful.

And don't feel you have to remind yourself it's not real.

Why else do you think television shows, movies, anime, manga, books, cosplay etc. exist?

It's nice to have something to lose yourself in. ^____^

(And I've been reading this stuff for over ten years so you can count this as some of that older fan's 'life-experience')

 

~Megs

[SunnyxDAI]

OMG! SOMEONE I CAN RELATE TO! .O. I know exactly how you feel! Haha. The anime that got me hooked on anime 5 years ago was actually Tokyo Mew Mew. xD I very clearly remember the feelings I had towards a certain male character and I got so caught up in that feeling of love that I just wanted to so bad for that world to come into ours. For a fantasy to enter this world and for to leave this scheduled life. I actually got very depressed over it. Like...it was serious depression. I never told my parents about it of course...until much later.

 

This was during the summer and before I realized it found myself sitting outside on the deck swing in the middle of the night just thinking about so many things. I would sit there for hours and try to make sense of muddled up thoughts, hopes, and dreams. I eventually realized that something like that would never come true, and wishing for it come true with all my heart wasn't helping at all. So I started telling myself: "Dream, but don't wish." It's okay to dream about this. Dreaming about your own little world were anything is possible is amazing. It's the reason I love to sleep, or even just lie back, close my eyes, and day dream. It's my escape from reality, to a world where I feel I can be truly happy, but along with that I stopped wishing for such a thing to actually come true.

 

It took a while but I eventually got over it, and don't think I'll ever let go of anime, manga, and yaoi, but I know that I will very clearly keep a thick line between my dream world and the reality that I'm facing every day, whether I like it or not. I don't know if this helped, and I tried to put in words the best I can. You do seem very mature as it is already and you do seem to fully understand what you're feeling, and even if you can't separate your dreams from your reality right now, I'm positive you'll be able to as you grow older. Dreams are amazing and you should never stop dreaming about you're own world, but just remember, reality is as it is and wishing for such a world to enter your reality can be very hurtful. Please be careful, and I wish you well! I hope I, and everyone else, helped you in some way. ^-^

[sue werner]

Ohh... I certainly can understand all of you *nods* I love how yaoi/shounen-ai animes have more feelings than shoujo *no offense to shoujo animes' fans there*. I was attracted to yaoi when I watched Kyo Kara Maou and I just fell in love with Wolfram and Yuuri. And I love the manly Wofram not some-uke-made-by-so-many-fans out there. I don't understand how could someone make Wolfram as an uke. Yuuri is more fitting the uke's description though he is the king.

 

Anyway, I know the feeling sof hanging between reality and imagination. If I could, I wish I would be able to join my fave yaoi characters in their worlds. Not as love interest or what but just observing them. I know I'm getting older and not younger and sometimes, I wanted to stop from likig or watching yaoi. I need to stop. But... I can't.

 

Huhu...now, I am confused and uncertain, if I should stop writing my fanfictions or not. But, I don't want to leave my readers hanging without reading the ending though. I hope I will be able to withstand this uncertainty and finish my fanfictions then maybe, i'll quit from liking yaoi *it's hard to do this...cries*