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When I Close My Eyes (FatPanda and SqueezeBabe)


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It's Saturday.

 

The morning is free. None of the same old same old has to be done today. Kan didn't have to wake up early nor brace himself for the morning rush as he drove to work. Morning traffic in Boston, Massachusetts never got along with him, not that it did with anyone else. He had the whole day to laze around and do nothing if he fancied it. But he knew he had to do the laundry and go to the grocery store today. He hadn't done either in nearly a month.

 

Kan rolled around in his queen sized bed, not wanting to get up. He felt sluggish from his late night adventure. Every night, he lived another life. He had grown up watching the events of another life go by as he slept; one he had no control over. It was bizarre but it was something he couldn't deny happened. He dreamed like any other person would but his dreams were a vivid account of the daily activities of some unknown person. They were semi-continuous every night. One night was equivalent to one day in his dream. It was like he lived two lives and and never slept. The tiresome toll on his body made him almost always unable to finish what he started. It carved his personality in stone; he would be a lazy bum for life.

 

Kan never really told anyone about it, not anymore. He had believed it was normal until he turned 7 and all his friends told him he had no imagination. When they shared with him their dreams, he felt compelled to tell them his. What he told them was the ordinary life of another human being. His friends had stared at him in disappointment, mocked his statement of truth, and abandoned the idea.

 

Having never been able to solve the mystery, Kan visited a psychologist in hopes of learning about his disorder. He considered multiple personality disorder but the psychologist brushed him off and sent him home with a diagnosis reading normal. Maybe he should have told the psychologist what he saw at night. He knew it wasn't normal but he gave up at that point and pretended to accept it. It didn't matter anymore; Kan had lived with it for some 30 odd years.

 

These events obviously gave him little to admire in a person. He had one problem and no one understood it.

 

After having had enough of smothering his face into the blankets, Kan got up and went into the bathroom. Looking at his reflection, Kan could see how grim the day was going to be. His face was bloated, his red hair tousled, and his stubble peaking out. Ugh, it's going to be a long day. Even though it was a Saturday, a day of doing absolutely nothing, he was not up for it. Maybe it was that thorn in his side telling him he needed to take a dump.

 

Pphhhhhrt. He released gas but didn't manage to get anything else out. Constipated, most likely. Kan made a mental note to eat more fiber. He quickly washed his hands and moved on to brushing his teeth. The grizzly facial hair stared at him but he decided against shaving it. He quickly washed his face and moved to the kitchen.

 

Kan opened the fridge and realized he really really needed to buy groceries. There was a carton of expired eggs and some leftover takeout from a few days back. He quickly lost his appetite and poured himself a cup of water. Bleh! The cold water tasted strange. Cringing, Kan poured the rest of it out and went to get changed.

 

There lay his other problem. All of his clothes were lying in a pile on the floor of his closet; all of them dirty. He had only left an ugly sweater, an over-sized T-shirt his mom disliked, some old worn out jeans, and beach shorts. Kan pulled off his shirt and stared at himself in the mirror hanging behind his closet door. Flexing, he examined his body. The act only served to depress him. He pulled on the over-sized T-shirt and the shorts. Tacky, very tacky. The shorts were bright yellow and green plaid and the shirt was dark red and black striped. He frowned and looked at his other options. I could try the ugly sweater. Kan considered. He put it on and immediately took off the shorts. It looked ridiculous. Pulling on the jeans, he peered at the mirror. Oh no, no I don't. Kan ripped off the sweater, pulled on the jeans and re-wore the T-shirt. It didn't look great but it was better than anything else.

 

Kan gathered up the clothes on the floor and threw them into the laundry basket. He set the laundry running and went out to the garage. The closest grocery store didn't have good meat so he decided to go to a slightly further one. Hopping onto the road, he expected to be there in under half an hour but some idiot in front of him was going 20km/h and refused to let him pass. ARGH!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS IDIOT?! The frustration was really hitting home. It took him 2 hours to get into the parking lot. He shopped quickly, picking up only some fresh vegetables, a few apples and pears, and getting a lot of meat to freeze. No eggs, he wasn't prepared to deal with another batch of expired eggs. He got in the car and drove back.

 

Having finally come back with some fresh groceries, he put them into the fridge and left the kitchen. The laundry should be done now. Kan pulled the laundry out from the washing machine and put them into the dryer. He was half way out the door when he saw he missed a sock that fell onto the floor. What is wrong with me today? He would have paused the dryer and threw it in but that'd be too much of a hassle so he hung the sock to air dry. Going back to the kitchen, he set about making something to eat.

 

The man gulped down his meal as he watched T.V. There happened to be a movie playing and it was action packed. He had no idea what it was but it was interesting enough to leave him glued to the T.V. for 2 whole hours.

 

Where had his day gone? The end of the day was approaching and he had done absolutely nothing. Although he hadn't wanted to wake up this morning, Kan didn't want the day to end. He went to get his laundry. Folding and hanging clothes was going to take a while. Although he was a mess, he loved his clothing neat. He sniffed the clean laundry and rolled on the floor with it. How long has it been since he smelled his favourite smell in the world?

 

He closed his eyes and fell asleep without taking a shower nor brushing his teeth. The clothes beneath him crumpled.

 

((Here is your essay~ it's not actually as long as I thought it would be LOL I wanted to put so many faces all over this massive text body >

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TAKEHIKO TAKAHASHI - 岳彦 高橋 (Mountain Prince, High Bridge)

 

Takehiko blinked a few times. It seemed that he had just woken up from his nap, the sun gently shining through the window and onto his face. He gave a frown, pinching the bridge of his nose between two fingers as he attempted to clear his mind. He had seen the gaijin in his head again and as usual, everything about the man irritated him and set his teeth on edge. Tekehiko ascribed to clean and healthy living, his apartment immaculately kept and everything clean and in it's proper place... not like what he saw when he closed his eyes for any length of time.

 

With a sigh he got up from his couch and padded on soft, quiet feet into the kitchen. He was lucky to be the eldest son of a wealthy and influential family and as such didn't need to work as much. He headed one of his father's companies but it was token more than anything, and he only went into work to oversee large projects. It was a day off for him at any rate and one that he would spend pursuing more calming activities, not like watching shit on TV he thought sourly. The film that the gaijin had been watching was full of gratuitous violence and thus a typical american action movie.

 

He went through some slow easy stretches as he waited for the kettle to boil and once again, as he had done numerous times in the past, thought about the peculiar "quirk" that he had suffered ever since he could remember; when he closed his eyes, especially to go to sleep, he witnessed another person's life... and what a life it seemed to be. The man was lazy, one the traits he despised the most, he didn't seem to have any particular ambition in life, seemingly content to just wander through it. He didn't play any sports, didn't seemingly have a significant other in his life (though not through lack of trying from memory) and in short, was the complete opposite of Takehiko.

 

As he sipped his coffee, he checked his phone for his daily schedule. He had Kendo practice in the afternoon, and he was supposed to meet his parents for an Omai - an arranged marriage meeting. He once again would have to firmly, but politely refuse. Without putting too fine a point on it, he was quite simply gay. Eventually his father's patience would run out and he would be forced to marry one of them, perhaps when that time came he could find a woman who would accept him for what he was and then somehow they would magically produce a son for his parents, and his involvement with her would end with that. He sighed and adjusted his glasses. It seemed he would be in for a busy day.

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Ugh. Kan caught drool hanging from his mouth as he awoke. He had been sleeping on the floor; his back hissed at him as it was sore from the hard ground. He sat up and cranked his scapulae. Kan sighed, "And that's what a bed is for." Kan was a heavy sleeper but he hadn't expected to be able to sleep just about anywhere. Had he really been that tired? He attempted to get up and head for the washroom but slipped on a shirt lying on the floor. Falling right back down he realized there was a heap of clothes beneath him.

 

"Shit, my clean clothes!" Most of the ones around him were now rumpled and probably needed ironing. He sighed and finished tidying his laundry he had abandoned half way before proceeding to the washroom.

 

In the shower, the man thought about the dream he had. His Asian telepathic-pal - that's what Kan called him seeing as it was similar to having a pen pal but without the interaction known as "communication" - had seemed oddly cross today. Or maybe he should call that yesterday. He'd caught a glimpse of a sour face in the reflection off the phone. He hadn't looked too pleased. Maybe his coffee wasn't quite right. Kan thought, unbeknownst to him that he was the cause.

 

The shower didn't last for very long. Kan got out to his room and put on one of the wrinkled shirts along with a pair of jeans. He had to get to his sister's place; he always drove her and her kids to church on Sundays. Although he didn't practice any religions, he had made it his duty to bring them where they needed to go after her husband had walked out on them.

 

Kan hated the man with a passion. His ex-brother-in-law had married his sister knowing he would leave her eventually. The entire idea of marrying with the thought of leaving irked him. Kan had been so pissed when the douchebag up and left that he almost beat the guy up. The only reason he hadn't was because the kids were around. Like hell! You were able to get it up and fuck her but you weren't able to take responsibility for your kids?! That's just bullshit! Kan had seen his telepathic-pal being set up in so many arranged marriages that he wanted to fly all the way to Japan just to find the guy and make his parents stop the horrendous act. It was asking for this same lamentable ending.

 

Kan drove to his sister's house and parked in the driveway. They were usually ready by now but today seemed out of place. With the spare key, he opened the front door.

 

"What do you know about me?! It's my business who I love!" Garfield, Kan's nephew, was screaming at the top of his lungs.

 

"I know so much about you, you're my son. And it is my business because I care. Of course I know what it's like to think you're in love! That's what I thought when I married your father! But son, that's NOT what love is about. You aren't mature enough to know yet."

 

With sarcasm, Garfield replied, "Oh, and you know so much. That's why you and dad got along perfectly!" He was bawling his eyes out. His eyes were blood shot and his face was a raging red.

 

They were fighting about it again. His family seemed to always fight about one thing or another. This, though, was the usual fight. Kan's sister found it hard to accept Garfield's sexuality; Garfield had come out a few months ago. Maybe it was because her baby was about to turn 18 into a legal adult and would soon have the freedom to make his own decisions that drove her to argue with him all the time. It was the only way they really spoke to each other anymore.

 

He'd like to think like his sister and assume that you could change your sexuality by choice but Kan knew one couldn't. Takehiko was gay and Kan had watched him discover it. He'd rather not have known what a gay man did to jack off but he couldn't control what he experienced.

 

Kan needed to step in. "People, calm down. Sis, maybe it's the lack of a male figure in his life that's making him think that way. How about we let him live with me for a while and he might reconsider." Kan knew for certain it wasn't but either way, if he took Garfield in the fighting would cease and hopefully one party or the other would have to step down. He did have a condition though, "But if he doesn't after living with me, you're going to reconsider trying to make him straight and accept the fact that he's gay."

 

Oh great, what kind of promise have I made? Kan had blurted it out without much thought. It was going to bite him back later but he had to come up with a solution and this was it.

 

Kan's sister considered it but then retorted, "And how do I know you aren't conspiring with Garfy so he can go out every day to see that boy?"

 

Garfield intervened, "I won't see him while I stay with uncle Kan."

 

It shocked the older man that he could suggest such a thing of his own accord. "He said it."

 

They'd missed church through the immense amount of fighting and compromising but the compromise came to fruition. It was in immediate effect to avoid anymore pointless fights. So, they spent the rest of the day helping Garfield pack and move essentials to his place.

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Legend says, when you can't sleep at night, it's because you're awake in someone else's dream

 

Takehiko sat on the edge of his bed, elbows resting on his knees and his head slumped forward, his fringe dangling to cover his eyes. He'd seen something that he hadn't really expected to see. Perhaps the gaijin really did have some sort of obligation to his family; a sense of traditional values... though it was always hard for any family to come to terms with the fact that someone was "gay". He himself felt a deep sense of shame that he couldn't tell his parents of his preference; perhaps if he had of, it would put an end to all these silly marriage meetings. He hoped that he would find a nice girl that would understand that it wasn't her, it was him.

 

For the first time in his life, he felt some sort of "connection" to the person who's life he watched every time he closed his eyes. A small smile played across his lips as he wondered how his "partner" would deal with having a gay and possibly very horny teenager inside his house. His thoughts were idle; if the gaijin scrubbed himself up, perhaps maybe took better care of himself and his house, he might not be so bad. He stood slowly, a hand rubbing against the toned skin of his belly. Now was not the time to be spent in idle contemplation. He had work to do today and needed to concentrate; he couldn't afford to waste time on silly musings. There were business deals to close!

 

The day felt like it would drag out forever, but in the end, he'd done it. He'd secured the deal for his fathers company, and now, it was rightfully his. No longer was he beholden to his father, he'd proven that he was capable of doing the job himself. He wanted to go out and celebrate; he hadn't been drunk since he was a teenager, but the voice in the back of his mind cautioned against public celebrations. It would be just the thing that his father would bring up to use against him.. and if he was drunk in public, he might accidentally reveal that he was gay. He fell back against the pillows of his bed, his forearm resting over his eyes and sighed. Life really shouldn't be as hard as it felt. It was late, but for some reason he didn't really feel like sleeping.

 

He got up from his bed, walking into the bathroom. He leaned on the bathroom counter and looked at his face in the mirror; really looked at it. He wasn't an unattractive man, and he kept himself in very good shape with kendo, so why did it seem like he was having trouble finding someone? As he stared at his reflection, he had the inkling of an idea. He went out to the kitchen and then returned with paper and a pen, carefully writing, and when he was done he held it up to the mirror, the writing backwards so that it reflected back at him the "right" way.

 

"Can you see me?"

 

He held it there for a few moments, before feeling slightly dejected about the whole thing, after all, even if the other person could see the note, how would he respond? He dragged himself back to bed, slipping under the cool sheets and resting his head on the pillow, wondering what the next day would bring before falling asleep.

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Kan woke in what he thought was a cold sweat, but his body was relaxed; it was his mind that was in complete shock. His dream had been weird today: it started off like any of the other ones mostly but ended with his telepathic-pal writing backwards. The act itself wasn't very odd, many people played around and wrote backwards but it was the neat-freak-good-boy himself. It was so unusual that Kan couldn't help but think it was directed at him. It can't be, he's made up and there's no way that was meant for me. Kan was in denial but it was tempting. It had read "Can you see me?" That befuddled him because he could see the man. Shivers ran up his spine. Kan got up and paced back and forth. What if he is real and he can see me too? He breathed puffs of air before decisively going to his table and taking out a sheet of paper and a pen.

 

Nah, not possible. He put the pen back down.

 

A knock came at his door and Garfield peered in. "Uncle Kan, how long are you going to take? I need food and then you need to take me to school."

 

Kan had forgotten he was now living with another human being, thus forgetting he needed to cook. "Ah right, there might be something to work with in the fridge." He went into his kitchen and found a pile of dishes he'd accumulated that needed washing. I'll have to remember to do those when I get home today. They whipped up some food and Kan got ready to drive Garfield to school then himself to work.

 

Kan didn't have much to do at work, his job consisted mostly of lazing around watching screens or waiting for the phone to ring. He worked as day time security for a small company so there wasn't much he had to do. Either way, it didn't matter to him if he got fired or not, he wasn't planning on keeping the job forever.

 

In contrast to his lazy job, his telepathic-pal was in charge of a whole company. He worked hard and produced results. It was nothing like Kan's laid-back job. He thought about it, "Maybe I should put in a little effort and find a more rewarding job." He knew he could probably make so much more if he worked in a big company and actually did something. "Nah, that'd be too much work." Kan whistled and dismissed the idea once again.

 

When he got home, Kan bolted for the washroom. Ugh, I forgot to eat that fiber. He took a long dump cringing from the agonizing pain of constipation.

 

"Yo, gramps stop taking so long." Garfield called through the washroom door.

 

"Ya know what gayman? You're here because I got yo momma off yo case so shush it boy." Kan threw back at him.

 

"Whatever, I left my sweater in there and I need it."

 

"Go get another one, genius."

 

"It has to be that one. The others don't match my clothing. I'm not like you, I can't just wear whatever is lying around." Garfield retorted.

 

"Fine, fine. Give me a second." Kan finished his business and washed his hands.

 

Upon opening the door, Garfield retched, "Ugh, what did you have?! It stinks like shit in here."

 

"That's cause it is, kid."

 

Garfield covered his nose with his arm, went in, grabbed his sweater hanging on the back of the door, and ran towards the living room. Finally able to breathe, he asked, "Hey, so how long do you think I have to live here before mom accepts the fact that I'm gay?"

 

Kan snorted, "Why, do you not like living here?"

 

"No, that's not it... it's just that I promised not to see Brant but it's hard, you know?"

 

"Well, how long can you last without seeing him?"

 

Garfield sighed, "I don't know, maybe a few weeks?"

 

"Then it'll be a few weeks and a day."

 

"What?"

 

Kan explained, "Your mom is stubborn so unless it's longer than a few weeks, your mom will outlast you a day."

 

"That is SO not fair."

 

"Don't worry about it, I'll put in a few good words for you." Kan didn't intend on losing the battle either. He knew that it'll have to be his sister who gives in.

 

"Thanks gramps!" Garfield piped and ran off in a skip.

 

"I'm not old enough to be a grandpa yet, dammit!" Kan yelled back at him. Despite the insult, Kan smiled to himself. Garfield was talking to his boyfriend on the phone now and he was giggling. There was no doubt in his mind that Garfield would be happier if his mom understood.

 

Kan walked back into his room. He was ready for sleep, he was in need of hibernation. Dinner, he hadn't had his dinner yet. He wouldn't have gone to the kitchen if he hadn't remembered his earlier vexation. He needed fiber if he wanted to take a dump in peace. He noticed the dishes in the sink were gone. A snuffed chortle escaped his lips as he realized how spoiled he was going to become. I'm supposed to be the one taking care of him but it seems he'll be doing the adult work. He looked in the fridge and found food packaged in reheatable containers labelled UNCLE'S DINNER.

 

After his delicious meal, Kan took a shower. Walking out with a towel wrapped around his head, he dried it and looked over at his table. The paper was still there. What if? Kan walked over to it again. He stared at it. "Ah, fuck this" He picked up the pen and in big bold letters, he wrote. WHO ARE YOU? CAN YOU SEE ME?

 

When he finished, he shouted "Ah, what the hell do I think I'm doing?" and ripped the paper apart. Tossing the bits into his trash can.

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How can you prove whether at this moment we are sleeping, and all our thoughts are a dream; or whether we are awake, and talking to one another in the waking state? - Plato

 

Takehiko awoke with an uneasy feeling. It wasn't much that he'd seen anything that disagreed with him, in fact the "dream" he'd had was reasonably pleasant. A small smiled twitched around his lips as he thought of Garfield; the young man seemed to bear little resemblance to his "namesake", a rather fat orange cat with a love of lasagne... something else twitched in response and his pale cheeks coloured slightly. Whilst that in itself, was not the source of his unease, he did feel a little guilty about it. It's nothing, just a passing fancy he thought to himself. Whilst he could "see" everything and "hear" everything in a dream, he couldn't "feel" anything other than his own feelings.

 

It was all a dream... right? He knuckled his eyes in frustration. Whilst he'd lived with this alternative "reality" for as long as he could remember, he'd never really given it that much serious thought, it was something that happened whilst he was asleep after all... but now he did start to think about it, whether it was triggered by his actions from the day before; his attempt to "communicate" with something that may not have been real, the gears of his mind were beginning to turn.

 

It wasn't something that happened all the time, that much he was sure of. He could distinctly remember not "dreaming" at all, or dreaming about something completely different; but most nights he dreamed about the same person. He knew intimate details of that persons life, beyond what you would of a normal person, unless you were actually inside that persons head. He groaned and rubbed his face, this sort of philosophical thinking was too hard on his mind this early in the morning, but he still couldn't shake the feeling that the whole thing wasn't quite what it had seemed to be on the surface.

 

He roused himself from bed and set about getting ready for work, despite his success of the day before, he couldn't afford to slack off; one achievement must be followed by another until all doubt about his abilities was removed. The old men that were supposed to be supporting him just felt like they were waiting for him to fail so they had an excuse to take control from him and bring disgrace to his family. As he was fixing his tie, his expression was grim. He would NOT allow that to happen! He sighed, the gaijin had it easy in comparison...

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  • 3 weeks later...

The morning light was dark and grey. The curtains did their job a little too well. Kan groaned and pulled his covers back over his head. It was only Tuesday but already he did not want to go to work. He would've been wide awake from shock if he'd gotten a reply to his idiotic message of last night but the guy hadn't been real. He didn't even have to reply, just give a reaction of some kind or another, but the Japanese man had just carried on his days like usual. It would have been reassuring to see him fazed even a little. Kan was mad at himself for hoping the dreams were a rendition of somebody's reality. He'd grown up accepting he dreamt about Takehiko but now that he had his head wrapped around the idea of him being possibly real, he couldn't shake it off. He bundled the blanket around him tighter and started to drift off to sleep again.

 

He hadn't even fallen into sleep yet and he felt a horrendous weight on his stomach. "Oof!" Kan was WIDE awake now. His eyes shot open so see a grinning Garfield sitting atop him. He groaned even louder and tried to ignore his nephew. The covers refused to come back to his head.

 

"Wake up Uncle!" Garfield was tugging the blanket off.

 

With a sigh, he joked with Garfield, "I'm awake. You crushed my guts, how is it possible for anyone to be asleep with that weight of yours? Quite eating so much lasagne."

 

The young boy retorted, "If you cooked food for me I wouldn't have to eat lasagne all the time."

 

"Go make your own breakfast! You can cook, you did it last night." Kan snorted. He hated waking up but he hated waking up to have to cook even more. At that moment, he regretted letting Garfield stay with him. It meant he'd have to cook every morning for his nephew. If he didn't, he could expect his sister to come close to murdering him.

 

Garfield laughed loudly, "Stupid Uncle, I've already made breakfast." He got off Kan and headed towards the bedroom door. Turning around with a wink, he added, "It's lasagne."

 

Kan laughed at the coincidence and rolled out of bed. One of the only things that got him to get up in the morning was the prospect of cooked food on the table. He felt a little bad for thinking he regretted letting the boy stay just seconds ago. Garfield was definitely pampering him. He washed up and gulped down the delicious food. "Not bad, you could become a chef one day."

 

Garfield explained, "I learned to cook because Brant can't do anything on his own but he lives alone. The kitchen becomes a total mess if I'm not around." He frowned, "I hope he's doing okay right now." It'd only been a few days since he'd seen his boyfriend but the likelihood that something was already amiss was high. How long is this going to have to last?

 

Kan could almost hear the thoughts through the worried expression. "He'll be fine, he's got to be if he wants to see you again." He again joked lazily. Garfield did the dishes while he got himself ready for work. It was a boring job and he didn't want to go but it wasn't a matter of choice.

 

The man drove his nephew to school and got onto the highway. The beginning of his ride was bearable but as he neared a merger lane, the cars slowed to a near halt. He cursed at the morning traffic, beeeeeeeeeeep beeeeeep beeep practically every car was honking. Traffic was always bad but the traffic was especially bad today. He sighed and leaned back in his driver's seat. What a morning. He'd like to go back to sleep but that would be extremely dangerous so he waited.

 

It took him longer to get to work than usual because of the traffic that morning. He was late but there was nobody there to reprimand him. Kan settled into his seat in the little security office and scoffed at his own job, there was no real reason the small little company needed him there. It was so small he didn't have a superior above him nor did anybody even care to break in. This small company was unlike the one Takehiko managed; the one he managed was big and needed a pretty big security team. It wasn't comprised of just the one man. The company as a whole was a lot more prestigious to work for than the one Kan worked for.

 

However, with the reputation came complicated relationships at the managing level. The old guys on top of the company were always talking shit behind his back, thinking he never stumbled upon them. If I were there, I'd sock them in the face for him. Kan hated those men who thought they did a better job than Takehiko did. Then there was the one that always had his hand on the his knee or his arm or some other part of his body whenever they spoke with one another. It ticked Kan off, the old guy was obviously harassing him but he never did anything about it. Not once had he told him off the way Kan would.

 

He decided he needed a little nap, thinking that it wasn't necessary to keep watch. He pulled his cap over his head eyes and drifted off to sleep.

 

He awoke from the blackness after four hours because he was hungry. He didn't dream any dreams this time. It was strange and it'd happened before but the dreams of Takehiko never occured while he was at work. Heh, maybe my conscience is nagging me to get back to work. He ate some instant noodles for lunch and returned to the security screens with a sigh.

 

There was some one he didn't recognize on the screen. He knew everyone in the company because it was that small. Well, he did also have pretty good memory for faces. Something was happening on the third floor; the unfamiliar man was arguing with Lou. Kan picked himself up and headed for the third floor. Why are people making my job harder than it needs to be? With the ding of the elevator, he found himself faced with the act on the screen but it'd progressed to a more inappropriate scene. The stranger was frantically ripping Lou's clothes off while he flailed his arms for the man to stop.

 

"Please stop, this is my workplace!" Lou was begging for the man to stop when he spotted Kan.

 

Kan walked over and put his hand on the man's shoulder, "Sir, that's sexual harassment. I'd like to ask that you stop and leave immediately." He didn't know what was happening but the man was a stranger and he'd heard Lou's complaint. That's all it took for him to take action.

 

Kan had kindly told the man to leave but the stranger refused to listen and brushed him off with a shove. He thought of the old guy harassing Takehiko and it pissed him off. "I SAID leave him alone!" He repeated loudly and took hold of an arm, twisting it behind the man's back. Kan moved between Lou and the man, then pushed the stranger away. "This way, sir" He point in the direction of the elevator.

 

"Ow ow ow, shit." The man glared at him and then at Lou but he turned and walked away. With a tip of his hat to his colleague, Kan followed the man away. He took the man's name and description down before letting him leave. He sighed heavily, "What a burden."

 

When he got home, Garfield pounced on him. "What do I do Uncle? Brant hasn't replied to me ALL day."

 

Kan was surprised at the greeting, "Jeez kid, don't scare a man like that. Wait a while, not everyone's got as much free time as you do. Maybe he's just busy."

 

Garfield wasn't convinced, "But he always replies to me."

 

The man rubbed his chin and said, "'Always' doesn't exist, there are exceptions and this time is one of them. I've had a long day, don't bother me about something like that." His nephew gave him the death stare but it wasn't the first one he'd gotten today so he just ignored it and spent the rest of the day in front of the T.V. He was exhausted having to actually do some work today so passed out on his bed the minute his head hit the pillow.

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“Eat healthily, sleep well, breathe deeply, move harmoniously.”

― Jean-Pierre Barral

 

Takehiko was awake early, awake before the sun had risen. His apartment was still shrouded in darkness as he moved about. He had to be awake early today, he had to get into the office before everyone else did. He had to show his dedication, and short of actually sleeping there, this was the only way - get there before everyone else, leave after everyone else. He didn't mind getting to work early, he got more work done before people started for the day and after they'd left. It was quiet, and there were no interruptions. Even getting to work was easier this early in the morning, with less people on the trains; if he avoided peak hour, he also avoided getting groped by some random pervert.

 

It was still dark when he got to the office, and of course there was nobody in yet. A perfunctory nod to the security guard triggered idle thoughts about his mysterious counterpart. If he remembered correctly, he'd had a bit of excitement for the day, casting a glance at his own security guard, he wondered if anything "exciting" had ever happened to him. His was not the kind of business that attracted unwanted attention. It was too big for the Yukuza to try and take over, they preferred smaller and more easily controlled businesses, mum and dad type shops, a multi-national corporation was a bit much for them, too much like hard work, and hardly any of the Yukuza groups had much ambition these days, besides, they didn't deal in anything remotely contraband, nor anything worth extorting. A small smile touched around his lips, you couldn't tell from looking at it from the outside, or even from the work he did, but his company dealt with high-end electronics, bordering on robotics, but not quite. Each company under his fathers control, dealt with just one aspect, something that could easily be explained away; however, when you lined all the companies up, and idea began to take shape. The deal he had secured earlier in the week, was just another small component in a much larger picture. Once everything came together, that would be the time to worry about more serious security measures.

 

 

The trip to his desk still gave him enough time to think through things. He had another board meeting in the morning, and he never looked forward to being in the same room as the old men still in the employ of his father. It had to be a generational thing. They expected the younger generation to succeed, to be as successful as them, but at the same time berated and belittled them at every opportunity. The only thing they respected was hard evidence, and sometimes not even that was enough, the results being attributed to "luck" or their own "influence". Takehiko gritted his teeth in suppressed anger, he'd show them, eventually, when it was time to bring all the pieces together, there would be no mistake that it was he who was wholly responsible for the greatest advancement in modern technology.

 

 

He unlocked his office, and pulled open the blinds. The light of dawn was visible through the high-rise buildings, but already the streets below were filling with cars and people. He'd have at least an hour before anyone else from the office showed up, so he quickly set himself up for the day and got to work, looking over the various reports from the different companies under his father's control, once this work was out of the way, he'd be able to focus on his own companies reports a bit better, and then he'd have to prepare for the board meeting. He was going to have to try and convince the room of stuffy old men that they needed to branch out overseas more, establish companies in other countries, there would need to be business trips (they'd all agree with that aspect) and other planning to be done. It was a lot of work to do, for so little gain...

 

-----

 

The day had passed as uneventfully as it could have. Nothing surprising or out of the ordinary had occurred during the board meeting, and the rest of the day had continued as normal. It was now getting on to the part of the day where everyone was going home... except for him. He'd managed to garner some offhanded praise from the old men, something about how it was nice to see how much dedication he had, but coupled with that smug superiority of old men who no longer actually had to do any work. He'd bowed and smiled and thanked them for their kind words, putting up with the overly friendly touching that came with it. Then he'd been able to keep the shame from his face, now, when nobody was around, his cheeks grew hot and red and he shuddered in disgust. None of them had confronted him about being gay, though from the rumours orientation didn't matter. The old men weren't gay either, but apparently there was just something about making a fresh young man bow down and service your every whim... it was supposed to be a "perk" of the age. He shuddered again, sure, what a feather in the proverbial cap that would be, to force the company's president onto his knees... he gritted his teeth and vowed that he would never allow it to happen to him.

 

He took a deep breath to calm himself, there was no point wasting the energy on it. He checked the time and was only a little bit surprised to see how late it had become. Perhaps it was the stress, or even the general lack of sleep.. but his thoughts turned towards his mysterious counterpart once again... he took a piece of paper from his desk and wrote on it in big letters...

 

"Are you real?"

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Kan's eyes opened slowly, still half asleep. He was tired. The sun had just risen, it was much too early for him to be awake. Yet he was, because of a stupid dream. Another message. He rubbed his temples lazily. He had not expected that. If it had been yesterday, he'd have automatically jumped to the conclusion the man in his dreams was communicating with him. But this, this was ridiculous. "Are you real?" Are you kidding me? What kind of nonsense is that? That's what I want to ask you. Stop bullshitting me! He was trying to regain his sanity and come to the realization that imaginary people can't be real but just a mere three words was pulling him back into Lala-Land. He found it so unbelievable how easy it was to convince him that the man was real.

 

Just because he answered your question doesn't mean he's real. He's a figment of your imagination; you wanted him to respond and so you got a response. That's all. He didn't even answer the question... what are you thinking. He pulled the blanket up to his chin and rolled onto his side to fall back asleep. However, the man was still on his mind. It was too rattled to return to its former state of relaxation. His hamster was running on its wheel and refused to slow down. "Shut up and go to sleep." He grumbled aloud while he rolled to the other side. It didn't help at all, he wasn't getting back to sleep any time soon.

 

The bed was too comfortable to leave but it'd make him feel better to actually get out of bed. The man sat up with drooping eyes and ventured to the kitchen for something to drink. He poured himself some water and looked around. The kitchen was a lot cleaner now that Garfield was living with him. It used to have dishes in the sink and food crumbs on the counters at all times of the day. The change was refreshing, like he had a girlfriend to live with.

 

Pfft, girlfriend? Kan choked on his water. What was he thinking? His sister would probably kill him if he laid a hand on his nephew. Not that I swing that way. He laughed at the stupidity of his thoughts. The interference in his sleep was probably getting to his head.

 

Kan walked over to the living room and plopped onto the couch. He was so tired but he just couldn't go back to sleep. Turning on the television, he slumped back and watched the news. Some celebrity was caught doing illegal drugs. The soccer team was advancing to the quarter finals. A car crashed on the highway yesterday morning. No wonder traffic was so bad. The bus system was going to expand. It would be sunny today. The news played but he was barely paying attention; instead, he was considering what he wanted to do. Should I respond to the message or not? There was no risk involved but he felt stupid trying to communicate with someone he was almost positive wasn't real.

 

He sat in front of the T.V until Garfield woke up. The boy came out to the living room rubbing his eyes, "Uncle, why're you up so early?" He never woke up before his nephew. He simply grunted and returned to "watching" the news. Garfield left him alone and went to the kitchen. He was the one who made breakfast although Kan had woken up earlier. The older man couldn't move an inch today, lack of sleep was really making his body heavy and his head hurt. He was grumpy too.

 

With the empty cup in hand, he finally got up from his seat after an hour. Sauntering over to the kitchen table, he thought about the message again. "Are you real?" Yes, yes I am real. Now tell me if you're real. He laid his head down. Food smelled good in the morning but his head still hurt and the lingering question was definitely not helping. Only sleep would make it all better but sleep was not coming as long as that question stayed unanswered. He ate in silence with his head at the awkwardly lowered angle, grunting at every word his nephew said. There was a lot of complaining today, something about his boyfriend not responding. Kan couldn't be bothered to listen so gave a last grunt before leaving the table to get changed. Work was not going to be fun.

 

For the first two hours of work, Kan was extremely aggravated. The screens strained his eyes, the lights were too bright, his job was boring, and he had a splitting headache. Sleep deprivation obviously didn't sit well with him. With a sigh, he propped his legs on the table, leaned back into the chair, and pulled down his cap to get some overdue sleep. He closed his eyes and let his mind calm itself hoping that in due time he'd just drift off to sleep. It was working, kind of. He felt his body grow heavy and his mind was settling down. If he just waited a little more, he'd be fast asleep.

 

Then came a knock at the door. With a frustrated jolt upwards, he threw his cap on the floor and growled. Hardly anyone ever bothered to come by the little security office but someone had to come the day he didn't want to be disturbed. Never disturb a sleep deprived person trying to hibernate! He hadn't been so irritated in a long time, he was usually too lazy to be angry but today, he was angry. He'd punch the lights out of whoever it was at the door! Opening it a little too forcefully, he saw that his visitor was Lou. As calmly as he could, he asked what the man wanted.

 

"I'd like to thank you for yesterday. Although it was embarrassing to be caught in such a compromising position, you saved me from even more shame. I'd like to invite you out for drinks if you have time tonight."

 

Kan replied briefly, "It's fine, I was just doing my job." The visit was unnecessary; in fact, it was an annoyance. He would have gotten his long awaited slumber if this man hadn't dropped by. It really was just his job. Now that he was disturbed, he couldn't go back to sleep.

 

Lou insisted they went out, moving the appointment to Friday night so Kan had no excuses. With a sigh, he accepted so that he could be left alone. With a smile, the man left. Kan's head felt like bursting. His brain kicked itself inside his head. "Feels like I'm having a war in there." Angrily, he sat back down and watched the clock tick the hours away.

 

-----------------

 

Kan got home feeling more tired than ever, he'd woken too early in the morning. Grouchily, he sunk into the couch and rubbed his eyes. His head was still throbbing from this morning's disturbance. He knew it was irrational to be grumpy for an entire day just because of a tiny reduction in sleep but he'd woken up on the wrong side of the bed with a surprise. With a snort, he considered what he was going to do. There's no harm in replying. There's just the chance that I'm becoming delusional and will eventually need to see a psychologist, especially if I start to indulge myself in these thoughts. What's worse than being called crazy and forced to pop 10 pills a day? He sighed and went to his room. Finding a pen and paper, he drew:

 

 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

 

He smirked wildly as he drew devil horns as well and added a message. I'M HUMAN, WHAT ARE - He hadn't finished writing yet when he was interrupted. Garfield came bounding in, crying. "Uncle! Drive me to the hospital! I need to go to the hospital!"

 

Kan looked up at the normal - save for the crying - nephew and grunted for the hundredth time that day before asking, "Why? You look perfectly fine."

 

"Brant was in a car crash. Yesterday morning he was hit on the highway! He's in the ICU... and..." The boy sobbed at the thoughts. He isn't likely to make it. Kan filled in the words to himself.

 

Kan's eyes widened and he picked himself up, abandoning the drawing. "Which hospital?" His fatigue disappeared as the rush of adrenaline took over. Grabbing his jacket from the hall and pulling on his shoes, Kan drove to the hospital. Garfield nagged to hurry, rushing them all along the way. When they arrived, Garfield hopped out and ran into the building while Kan parked the car. He turned off the engine and started to get out of the car when exhaustion hit. The adrenaline hadn't lasted him very long. He was still concerned for the boy but he was tired. Trudging over to the building, he made his way to where Garfield sat sobbing outside the ICU. He pulled his nephew over to a seat and slumped down next to him, patting him the entire time.

 

Kan sat there with his jacket pulled around him and closed his eyes, finally finding sleep amidst the chaos.

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There is a drowsy state, between sleeping and waking, when you dream more in five minutes with your eyes half open, and yourself half conscious of everything that is passing around you, than you would in five nights with your eyes fast closed and your senses wrapt in perfect unconsciousness. ~Charles Dickens

 

As he lay there in the darkness of the room, his eyes still closed, a thought occurred to him. Whilst neither really awake, nor asleep, the wheels of his mind still turned. He had noticed something about his counterpart; it might be small and possibly insignificant, but then again perhaps it was not. The tragedy that had unfolded in his head had unsettled him, and he wanted to do something, but that wasn't what had captured his interest... it was the moments of blackness, the nothingness, that had got him thinking. He had noticed the absence of his "dream" when he was waking up, the "silence" was unsettling after being so used to seeing what he had begun to think of as his alternative life.

 

He opened his eyes slowly, the room itself was still dark, the sun not risen yet, but it was still time for him to get out of bed and get ready for work. Today itself was going to be less busy than the day before, which meant that he'd have time to do a few "experiments". It was a double edged sword; his ability to latch onto a thought or an idea to the point of obsession, but as far as he was concerned, it was this obsession of his that got his jobs done. He rested his lips against his coffee cup without actually take a sip and he momentarily lost himself in thought. He'd send the hospital flowers, the price of a bouquet would be negligible if it proved his theories correct.

 

He closed his eyes for a good few minutes as he went thought his thoughts, the blackness still prevalent. He had another thought. He went searching for his phone, and when he'd found it, sent a quick email to his secretary to organise the flowers, calling up the details of the hospital and the room number from the images he'd seen earlier. A smile tugged at his lips as he recalled the sketch he'd seen, he was sure it was in response to his question (an unsettling thought in itself), but as he became more aware of his alternative life, he was discovering it's limitations. He could see, and hear, and experience everything the other person did, like he was a inside their head... but despite his vantage point, he was never privy to what they were actually thinking; for all intents and purposes, he was just an observer, he couldn't feel what they felt. Sending the flowers were just the first step in testing out his theories.. he'd sent the email with instructions to never mention it to him until he himself brought it up, if he didn't see or hear about the flowers, then would his alternative know about them before they arrived?

 

He quickly got himself ready for work, suddenly anxious to be there. The quicker he got his day started, the sooner it would end, and the sooner he'd be able to go to sleep to see what happened.

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Feeling a nudge to his shoulder, Kan breathed in deeply and opened his eyes. They refused to open but he somehow managed to pry them apart. Blinking a few times, he tried to stretch his arms out. His left arm stopped short of the act and he noticed Garfield was leaning on his shoulder. He ran a hand past the cheek to move a stray piece of hair from his face. The boy's eyes were swollen from all the crying he'd done. Kan smiled just a little. Garfy really loves this boy. Nana's going to have to give in. Her son is going to win this bet... as long as this boy survives. He swallowed hard as he thought about how much his nephew would cry in that case. It wouldn't be a pretty sight; he hoped the boy named Brant would live through this.

 

His free arm swung up to rub his face out of the hazy feeling left over from sleep as he surveyed the hospital setting. The place looked creepily deserted at this time in the night. Only the emergency room would still be alive when everyone went to sleep. A chill ran up his spine from the temperature of the night; it was low though they were indoors. He snapped back into a huddle and planned to go back to sleep in the not-so-comfortable position when he was interrupted. A doctor exited the intensive care unit and looked right at him. Apparently he'd slept more than the few hours he thought he did. The doctor on duty had changed and was already doing her rounds; night shift had started. With a nod, he turned to Garfield. Moving the boy to lean against the wall instead, he got up and took his jacket off. Draping the garment over his nephew, he walked up to the doctor. The woman asked him, "Are you Mr. Houdon's guardian?"

 

"Houdon?" Kan scratched his head, Did Garfield ever say Brant's last name? He couldn't remember. "First name Brant?" He confirmed. The doctor gave him a suspicious look so he clarified, "I'm not his guardian; he's my nephew's boyfriend." He gestured towards the sleeping Garfield.

 

"Are there no immediate family members?"

 

"Umm... no, not that I know of. Garf- My nephew always said he lives alone and we haven't seen any family come visit in the last while though I can't be certain he hasn't any."

 

The doctor proceeded with a sigh, "Well, Mr. Houdon is not in a good condition. It is best to notify all family and friends that would like to see him as soon as possible. We're doing the best we can but it's not looking good. He's suffered a blow to the head and is currently in a coma; that doesn't mean there are no other complications. We've treated him for all detectable injuries but swelling and renewed internal bleeding could have a sudden onset, taking his life before we even know it has happened. With so much shock inflicted to his brain, the chances he'll survive are slim and we can't guarantee anything. Even if he survives the brain injury, the likelihood he'll be paralysed is really high. He has also suffered trauma to his spinal cord; his nerves may or may not have been severed. We cannot determine for sure until he's awoken from his coma but in most cases, they have."

 

A gasp came from behind, Garfield had woken up and heard the conversation. Fresh tears returned to his eyes. As they streamed down, the doctor put her hand on Kan's arm and pat it lightly. She walked over to the crying boy and sat down. She spoke in whispers so Kan couldn't hear what she said but her body language told him that she was comforting him the best she could. She finished talking to him and gave his shoulder a squeeze, "You can go in and sit by his side. If anything happens, there's an emergency call button next to the headboard."

 

As she left, a nurse came around holding a bouquet of flowers. "I don't know why people can't bring their own gifts; nurses are not delivery men or women." With a tsk, she walked into the ICU and placed the bouquet in a vase beside Brant's bed.

 

Kan looked at Garfield questioningly. His nephew shrugged and they followed after the nurse, "May I ask who sent these flowers?"

 

"It says it's from Takahashi Corporation with a generic 'get well' message. I don't know what big shot you're related to that would send flowers in the middle of the night but they must be some lazy family member that couldn't be bothered to bring it over themselves. The things some people do." She tsked again and left them in the room. Garfield didn't look too concerned with the origin of the flowers, most likely because he was more focused on his boyfriend. On the other hand, Kan was very disturbed.

 

The flowers perplexed him. Why are there flowers being delivered from Takahashi Corporation; isn't that Takehiko's company? Wait, no... it could be another company with the same name. Or... that wouldn't make sense at all. His dream from only a few minutes ago returned as vividly as he'd saw it before. His Asian-telepathic pal had asked a secretary to send flowers to this room at this hospital but Kan couldn't believe this was actually happening. It has to be a coincidence. There's no way he's real. Up until now, he really was starting to convince himself the man was a figment of his imagination he wished was real but now, he didn't know what to believe again. Am I hallucinating or is that bouquet real? The thoughts spurred in his head. He needed confirmation it wasn't a coincidence. "Hey Garfy, does he know someone from Takahashi Corporation?"

 

"Um... I don't think Brant knows anyone from there... At least, he hasn't ever mentioned it to me..." His nephew lowered his gaze back onto Brant's hand absent-mindedly. Kan opened his mouth to ask more. He would've liked to do a triple check but he didn't want to press his nephew to talk when he wasn't feeling well. He decided to step outside.

 

Maybe it was the sleep, maybe it was the peculiarity, maybe it was shock, he didn't know but his former headache faded instantly. He sat down, leaned his head against the wall, and closed his eyes as he asked aloud. "I thought you weren't real; then you go and ask if I'm real and start to send flowers to people I know? Are you trying to test me or are you really just a coincidence? If you don't know the guy, why did you ask your secretary to send flowers to someone you don't know? Do you have any idea how creepy that is? Heck, I don't even know if you're the one from that stupid company of yours that sent the flowers. Stop giving me headaches all the time. I have trouble sleeping because of you." He grunted and got up from his seat. His thoughts were coming out all jumbled up and he was mumbling to himself in the hallway. What he needed was to think properly in a secluded place.

 

Kan went to the bathroom to think. Sitting on the toilet, he reformed his ideas. "If you're real, let me know tonight or something. I can hear your voice when you speak so you should be able to hear mine too. Otherwise, how would you know about Brant? That's the guy lying in the hospital if you didn't know. Wait, of course you know; you've been stalking me for as long as I can remember. Well, that's assuming a lot but that's how long I've been stalking you. Takehiko Takahashi, the gay man who's too chicken to tell his parents he's gay. The man who doesn't defend himself when he gets groped. The man who - ah shit, I'm seriously going out of my way to sound like a lunatic for you." He massaged his returning headache before he went back to the ICU.

 

He let out a sigh when a new concern rose in his mind, "Shit, I forgot to call Nana." He jumped up at the realization and fumbled around for his phone.

 

At the third ring, his sister snapped at him, "What time do you think it is?! How can you call someone at this godly hour?!"

 

He'd had a feeling that would be her response but the shouting still came as a shock. He braced himself for another shrill as he said, "Umm... Garfy's boyfriend is in the hospital and he's been bawling his eyes out. Just thought you should know that your son is - " He was cut off by his sister.

 

"Where are you?!" It was calmer than he thought it would be. She had a tendency to overreact to things when her precious baby was involved but she had only raised her voice a bit. He was expecting something more like "Why haven't you called me until NOW?! My poor baby..." With a sigh of relief his ear drums hadn't fallen out, he told her which hospital and ended the call. Slumping back into the chair, he considered what he wanted to do now. If his sister was coming to keep Garfield company, he didn't have to stay. Then again, she worked at home while he worked for a company. She could afford the day off. He heard the tapping of high heels as she ran towards him, "Where's Garfy?" Kan told her he's going home and directed her to the boy. As he turned to leave, he watched her run in, holding her son's head to her chest.

 

He made it home, feeling tired and worn out. Falling on the bed, he felt more comfortable in the quiet apartment to continue his rant. "If you're real, talk to me... You're seriously driving me crazy. Why couldn't you just let me believe you are fake? Better yet, why aren't you fake? You and your flowers..." He closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

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  • 2 weeks later...

“You never know. Maybe when we’re dreaming…we’re more lucid than when we are awake.”

― Katherine Angela Yeboah

 

It was a rare day off for him, but despite not having to be at work, he still woke up at the same time. There was enough on his mind to keep him awake anyway. The flowers had arrived, but it wasn't quite the reaction he was expecting... but what was he expecting? He'd just confirmed that the person he could see when he closed his eyes, was in fact as real as they came, and that he was just as real in turn.

 

He understood the English, and it was nearly an epiphany when he realised that deep down, he's always understood English, even without the English classes from school and university. So did his counterpart understand Japanese in the same way? He was still formulating his theories about his "condition", wondering why he'd never done this sooner, and what on earth had prompted him after all these years to verify that the person who's life he shared was no longer an "imaginary" friend.

 

He closed his eyes and kept them closed, noting the "true" darkness behind his eyelids. He realised now that it meant that.. Kan... the man had a name, which he now felt comfortable using, had his eyes closed too, which would mean that he was asleep, and "dreaming" of Takehiko. He smiled at the thought, "I'm sorry that you've had to sit through my boring life" he said slowly in English, the words feeling strange to him as he said them out-loud in the quiet of his room. It was the awkwardness of a one-sided conversation, but perhaps some things were best said out-loud as it was obvious that mind-reading didn't come as part of the package.

 

He eased himself from his bed, old habits dying hard, even in the wake of such revelations. He still had things to do, even on his supposed day off, and he felt that perhaps he should still attempt to go into the office, just after the peak hour rush was over so that he didn't have to cram himself into the train with complete strangers. As he made his way to the shower, he suddenly felt self-conscious about being naked, and nearly laughed out loud at the thought. He'd been taking his clothes off in front of Kan as long as he could remember, was it different just because they'd finally acknowledged one another? As he stripped and caught sight of himself in the mirror, he tried to push those thoughts to the back of his mind; it would also mean that Kan had witnessed some rather personal moments in his life, and would definitely know he was gay... much like his nephew... so perhaps it was all just worry in his part....

 

As the hot water beat against his skin, he wondered how else he could interact with Kan. Would he need to keep a notebook of all the things that he wanted to say? Would he give Kan his email address and maybe then they could talk to each other properly? He nodded absently under the spray of water; he'd go into his office and set up an email account where he could talk "properly" with Kan, suddenly wanting to know as much as he could about the man.

 

As he stepped out the shower and wrapped his towel around his waist, another though occurred to him... Kan didn't seem very happy about the job that he did, and his company was looking to branch out internationally... perhaps, just perhaps, he might be able to do this man a favour of sorts, and perhaps (just perhaps) he'd get to meet him in person for the first time.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Kan roused, vaguely aware of the harsh silence in the absence of his nephew. With a hand slapping his own face, he growled followed by a sigh and turned onto his side. He had slept restlessly; he usually managed to sleep but last night was the first time in a long while that he'd ever had trouble sleeping. There was just so much going on at the moment. His internal debate about his imaginary friend's existence, the dispute between Nana and Garfield, Brant's hospitalization and life threatening situation, and Lou's invitation to go drinking; he had so many things that were just stressing him out. Each weren't too big of a problem on their own but together, they accumulated his stress and he was having difficulty balancing out his worry over each. More often than not, he hated how slow time moved but now that there were so many problems occurring all at once, he was cursing at how little time he had to think things through. It would've been so much easier to stay in bed and fall back asleep but his "friend" who was now more than probably real, had crept into his mind again. Somehow you really do find a way to give me a headache.

 

He still didn't completely believe it was real though he often spoke to himself of the man as a real person in his life. His mind kept searching the back of his head for the small coincidence he could place the odd experience with. It was hard to admit that he'd been right all along; as weird as that sounds, he'd always been the kind of person to make up implausible conclusions and been wrong about them. To think that he was finally right about the man being real and not a figment of his imagination blew his mind away. And on top of that, the guy was talking to him now. He couldn't figure out what to say and when to say it. When he was awake, he had no idea what the Japanese man was doing and thus could not know whether it was appropriate to speak to thin air trying.

 

Gambling, he mumbled to the man he didn't think was listening, "Don't be sorry for something so stupid. If anyone should be sorry, it should be me. Though I had to sit through your annoyance of disciplines, at least you didn't make me listen to all the fights my family had." Kan sighed as he thought about the life he'd made the other man watch. His parents had divorced one another early on after constantly fighting and that was followed by another series of fights his mother had with his step father. Then his sister grew up and started to argue some more with his mother and then there was more fighting between people he couldn't even keep track of. He hated how it ran in his family to yell at one another when things got tough.

 

Sighing, he picked himself up out of the bed and sat in a grumpy mood. He felt like an idiot for actually trying to talk to the man again but at least he had tried. He wouldn't have to wonder what to do about the problem for the rest of the day again. That had taken quite a toll on his mind before and he wasn't willing to go through it again. Feeling a little bit of the stress leave him, he got up and readied himself for work. He could think about all his problems later when he was at work and staring at the set of screens again. As he went through the apartment though, he noticed how empty it felt without Garfield there. The boy had only been there for a few days, bordering a week, but it was nice to have someone live with him. It had felt like he had a life with someone. He'd obviously been spoiled silly by his nephew in the short time he'd stayed over.

 

Kan worried how Garfield was doing then. He slept over at the hospital last night and would possibly be there for a while. He knew there wasn't anything to worry about physically but he was worried his nephew wouldn't be able to handle the emotions. He sighed again and decided he couldn't keep thinking about this; it was slowing down his actions and making him late for work. As lazy as he was, being late twice in a week felt too irresponsible. He shook it off his mind and went out the door.

 

---------------------------------

 

Kan spent most of his work day worrying about Garfield and loathing the approaching evening. He wasn't too hyped about going for drinks with Lou but the time came and he had to keep his word. There was nothing wrong with drinking or spending some time with a colleague (he didn't particularly have a problem with Lou either) but he just didn't like how the man was doing this as a thank you gesture. The occasion seemed too formal for his liking. With a groan, he heard the knock on the door to the small security room. He grudgingly opened it to let Lou in. "You'll have to wait a bit. I need to do a round before I can leave." He started to step out of the room for the final part of his week when Lou followed him with a nod. Pausing at the door quizzically, Kan hesitantly asked, "are... you coming with me?"

 

Lou replied, "Why not?... Am I... in the way?" The pauses in the middle had Kan grumbling to himself about how soft he was. He didn't need anyone to go with him and it would be faster to get out of the building if he went alone but the worry for being a nuisance in Lou's voice kept him from rejecting firmly. He pushed his bangs up and shrugged an okay. They walked through the building mostly in silence after Lou had made several attempts at conversation before giving up to the one-word replies. As they neared returning to the security room, Kan felt guilty for being so antisocial. It wasn't like he was trying not to talk, he just didn't have anything better to say. He sighed to himself and thought about what he could say but still came up with nothing. He cursed to himself as he picked up his stuff and they headed out to his car seeing as Lou didn't drive himself. The drive there was almost as silent when Lou swallowed nervously and asked, "You're not going out of your way to drink with me are you?"

 

"Not really." Kan's short replied had him sighing again from guilt. He wasn't trying to avoid conversation again but he just didn't know what to say to the other man. They weren't best friends or anything remotely similar. He thought for a while before adding, "I won't be drinking too much; I'll need to drive back."

 

A pout formed on his colleagues lips. "You could leave your car in the parking lot overnight, take a cab home, and then come back for it in the morning." His eyes pleaded for Kan to take the suggestion. "I want you to drink with me tonight. And I mean more than a bit." With the way Lou leaned over a little to look him in the eye, Kan started to think that perhaps he might've been hitting on him. The reserved man wasn't known to Kan as the type to invite people out for drinks, but then again, he didn't know Lou that well as he'd only found out the man was gay or at least bi a few days ago. Still, he was sounding awfully a lot like he wanted Kan to drink until he was drunk and perhaps do things that he wasn't intending to do.

 

Though the situation in front of him had nothing to do with Takehiko, Kan suddenly thought about the man who could watch everything he did. He wondered what the probably-real imaginary man would think of it. It wasn't like he needed the Japanese's approval to go out with anyone but he found himself pondering about how the other would react to seeing him act intimately with another man. Then he figured it'd probably be nothing new since he'd had previous relationships with women just the same. The only difference was it could be a man this time and he surely wouldn't mind that. It would perhaps be more than welcomed.

 

They arrived at their destination, parked the car off to the side as Lou had wanted, and went into the considerably humble grill and bar. With some food and drinks, the settled down relaxing to the end of a long week. There was some eating and some drinking and a lot more chatting than they'd done earlier but it still primarily one-sided.

 

---------------------------------

 

Kan was feeling dizzy by the time they paid the bill and called a cab. He'd drunk a little too much trying not to make Lou feel bad that he wasn't drinking. The other man was a little more sober than he was but not by a lot. They were both pretty drunk and not in their right minds. Somehow, they hazily made their way back to Kan's apartment without a problem but not quite knowing what was happening next. It was empty when he opened the door but it didn't dawn on him to worry about Garfield.

 

In a big blur, they pulled off their shoes, threw off their coats, and landed on the bed. Kan didn't know what happened but Lou's lips were on his and a hand was in his shirt, pulling the fabric up. Unknowingly, his shirt came off and his cock was being ground against. By the time he'd grasped the situation, he was more than half naked and Lou was straddled on top of him. He managed to groan out a "what're you doing?" that met with a husky reply, "What's wrong? You don't like men?" Kan considered the question; he'd never been with a man before but it wasn't like he disliked them. It was a confusing matter; he often dreamt of gay men and woke up with a boner but it didn't get him all hot and bothered when he saw just any man naked. He didn't consider himself bisexual either but he didn't have a problem with men. Maybe I'm just pickier with my men. He didn't really give Lou an answer so the man took it as he was allowed to keep going.

 

Kan knew he wasn't attracted to Lou, he wasn't getting any reaction to the things the man did. Even as he moaned and moved sexily, Kan just didn't feel it. He thought he really had to apologize and stop the other but he was worried what Takehiko would think. He might have lead Lou on and now decided to back off; it didn't sit well with him to know someone was watching this. At the thought of the Japanese man though, his unresponsive member got an erection. He groaned more to himself, knowing what it possibly meant. His arm landed on his face, settling over his eyes as he fretted over the matter but had no less of an erection. To make matters worse, he imagined Lou - who was licking his cock all over - to be Takehiko instead. The man had no idea either, taking the groans of distaste to be moans of pleasure in his half drunken state.

 

He'd always wondered why it was okay to for him to look at other men and feel nothing for them but then watch Takehiko in the shower with more interest. He had always thought it was because the man was gay, making him aware of the naked body. How that his lust for the man was in mind, he kept thinking about Takehiko even though his colleague was lowering himself onto him. The pleasure running through him only made him flush more and think more about the man. The whole time Lou grunted above him, he hazily imagined it being Takehiko instead. Kan felt guilty about it but the weariness he felt due to the alcohol hadn't worn off yet, clouding his judgement.

 

Kan held onto the lusty hips and thrust his body up to meet the descending one. It drew out a hoarse howl from his partner. The sound only had him thrusting harder, letting their bodies collided with the sounds of a constant slap. He neared orgasm and when he did, he pictured Takehiko as he'd been last night in the shower, mirror image of his lovely face and body covered in the wet stream. With a grunt, he released his seeds into the ass around his cock. He used Lou's body to milk himself out before letting pleasure wash over and his mind to blank. His colleague also came with a flushed face, sweating from all the heat of his actions. He leaned down and kissed Kan deeply, running their tongues together. Relaxation hit them both after that and they fell asleep on the bed, covered in fluids of all kinds.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Sex is a two-way treat. - Franklin P Jones

 

 

Takahiro was leaning over the bathroom counter breathing heavily, not quite believing what he’d just witnessed. Was it voyeurism? Did this make him nothing more than a Peeping Tom? He splashed some cold water onto his burning cheeks but it did nothing to douse the heat he felt. Surely he’d seen Kan have sex before, but in his mind’s eye he couldn’t recall anything as vivid as what he’d just witnessed; and with a MAN no less… That made him pause. Was Kan… gay?

 

He watched his brows furrow in the mirror. Kan had never shown any signs he was gay; he didn’t go to gay bars, didn’t hit on other men… but there he was, getting drunk and being ridden by some other guy. His eyes narrowed at the thought, the man wasn’t even attractive , well maybe to Kan, but certainly not to Takahiro. The thought occurred to him that perhaps this “sharing” thing that happened between the two of them wouldn’t be such a good thing if Kan consistently brought home and screwed unattractive men. He’d have to find a better way of communicating with his counterpart; perhaps they could even set up a schedule so that future events like this could some how be avoided…

 

Just thinking about it again made his cheeks flame anew, and he had to admit that a face in the throes of passion was still arousing, even if the face itself was not, and he couldn’t help the bodily reaction that went with it. He stared at his own erection with a mixture of disbelief and resignation. There was no denying that what he'd seen was arousing; what he was trying to deny was the who ... did he even think of Kan that way? He had to admit that watching Kan fuck another guy, drunk AND looking like he was enjoying himself was pretty damning.

 

He felt as if he was in two minds, and one of those minds wasn’t thinking straight. He watched himself in the mirror as his hand slid down the front of his body and gently cupped his erection, his fingers slowly circling it’s girth. He looked at his reflection rather critically at this point, comparing himself to the man that Kan had just slept with. He had pale skin, his body muscular and toned from the years of Kendo, and like most Asians we was relatively hairless; what hair he did have was sparse and fine. He was also taller than most, and as his fingers slowly explored his length, he was pleased to note that he didn’t fit the stereotype there either.

 

As his fingers moved across the velvet skin and he studied his reflection in the mirror, he could almost pretend that he was another person, perhaps he was another person… he could almost believe that it was someone else staring back at him from the mirror; he didn’t think that he could ever look so… wanton . His eyes became heavy and lidded with desire as he began touching himself in earnest, making sure that every tug, every movement was perfectly reflected back at him. His cheeks flushed and a faint sheen of sweat caused his skin to glisten under the bathroom lights.

 

He licked his lips seductively and continued stroking his straining cock, noting with a touch of satisfaction, the clear fluid that beaded at the tip, before his hand scooped it up and spread it along the length of his shaft, his movements becoming slicker. It was a moment of exhilarating freedom; he lived his life by duty and tradition, but here he was, jacking off in front of a mirror; in front of an audience , and nobody else except for him knew it. The thought spurred him on, his hand moving quickly, the eyes in the mirror looking at him almost pleadingly.

 

With a jerk he came, thick white fluid coating his hand as it slowed it’s movements. His climax brought him back to reality and suddenly he was embarrassed that he’d done such a thing. He quickly washed his hand in the basin, refusing to look at his reflection, before turning on the taps for the shower. The hot water quickly filled the bathroom with steam and fogged the mirror, blurring out his reflection and allowing him to pretend that perhaps, maybe, he’d not just pleasured himself in front of the mirror.

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