your gender or rather "who are you?" story

[sarah3161]

onion1 hi everyone it’s been awhile since i made a thread .

 

this post is going to be a little long,so bear with me :leaf8: you can just jump to the conclusion if you want to

 

actually i wanted to make this thread about gender cause i have been personally struggling about : who i am really?, not what people say i am.

 

when i say gender,i don’t mean "what's your sexuality"

i mean who are you really,do you feel like you’re in the right body?

 

it’s like a self discovery, and i finally admit it to myself

 

 

i was born as a girl -and i’m proud of it-but i always felt like i don’t act as the other girls yoyo7

 

for example; when i was a kid i always enjoyed playing with car toys but i also liked dolls and stuffed animals.

i hated wearing dresses when i got older.

as a teenage , i never liked make up but i used to put some to be like others.

not to mention, the clothes i wore until now are not what people call girly clothes

i always hated my long hair so much .

i never acted like a girl-according to them_

 

i hate shopping, yoyo6 my mother and sister usually shop for me

lately i knew why i hate it , it’s because the clothes i want to buy are in the men's department, though i like to buy in the girls department, depends

i have some collections of both small cars and kimidolls

i don’t act as girlish or boyish .. people say you’re not pink or blue , gray would describe you :cuteonion24:

 

and of course, the comments i get from some people about my looks or my super short hair... >_>

it used to bothers me in the past but not anymore onionn2

 

i think my mother always knew who i am ,even my sisters . but i think i was the one who had problems with myself , i thought about it sooo long that i am not like other girls ,especially since i live in a very difficult country full of narrow minded and stereotypical people onionn7

i felt like i should act , look like and be what a girl suppose to be

 

until today i watched this

that changed me, when i heard her talking about her self ,i felt like it was exactly me

and that really made me feel like i was actually normal.

 

 

so now at the age 25 i can really say in a proud way :cuteonion50: i am a girl and i am happy with it. it’s just that i feel like i am a boy too. so today i actually say to myself it’s okay, be your self :hamtaro-005 (23):

 

to tell the truth i REALLY think if i was a boy and was genderqueer

i would have a REALLY hard time in life :leaf8:

 

i am so sorry to be that long , :leaf8: it was like a record for me .

 

foxy3 feel free to share your story or give your honest comment :cuteonion49:

[Revenga]

My case is not far from yours. I'm a girl (straight) but an awful lot of people thinks I am lesbian for these reasons:

 

- I hate dolls until now. Put the fact that I have a slight phobia with dolls aside, I just don't like it. I remember my aunt giving a me a doll as a gift, I burned it. My uncle gave me a small Optimus Prime robot, I still have it now.

 

- My choice of clothes are on the male's section, too. I prefer baggy polo-shirts, t-shirts, 3/4 shirts, cargo pants/six pockets etc that are on the male's section. Whenever I walk with my friends, especially with the ones I am very close with, there was no time when people didn't think that my female friend is my girlfriend (in a romantic sense).

 

- The way I move is kind of different and a lot of people are telling me that. Very guy-like.

 

- Because of the thing I mentioned above, I often get called 'sir'. In fact, few days ago, I rode a public transport vehicle to school and one of the guys sitting told me: "Sir, your water is spilling." And I was unaware that I looked on my chest.

 

- I don't wear make up. I wear make-up but not too long.

 

- I hate dresses. I just hate it so much yet my mum still keeps on buying dresses for me. She thinks one of my few closest female friends in school is my girlfriend.

 

- I am surrounded mostly with males everywhere I go. I have a band inside and outside school. Friends in the skatepark, in school from Criminology, Engineering and Architecture courses are all males. We often walk in groups and when people notice me, they'd think "ah, that one's a lesbian".

 

- My hair is not short but I always get comments from people like: "Your hair looks like a male's haircut for long hair."

 

- I am having a hard time saying a guy is good-looking but I overly-appreciate and praise a woman's beauty.

 

And a whole lot of things that only directs to me looking like a guy or being a lesbian. But at the end of the day, I know who I am. And I am not what they think. This is just me.

[SomeRandomGuy]

My case is probably the opposite of yours

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. I'm a guy (hence my name ^ω^) and gay, I don't really feel like a guy. Don't get me wrong I don't wanna be a girl, I just wanna be able to act like one in public (if that makes sense). I look pretty manly so many people wouldn't think of me like that, still I can't stand not being myself. Most of my close friends have accepted my behavior but some still.can't stand it. I guess there's many people like me on this planet but I still feel a bit alone when it comes to that.

[nicicia]

I did a lot of soul searching about my gender and this is what I realised. My gender is different from time to time. The term "genderfluid" is one I often use to describe how my gender shifts. I mostly feel like I don't have a specific gender, though. Like I am all genders and no gender.

 

Naturally, people always assume I am one gender or another. People see what gender they have been taught to see. They're used to males and females wearing certain clothes, have certain haircuts and present themselves a certain way.

So a lot of people get confused by me at first because I like to look more androgynous. But when they hear my voice they usually make up their mind about what gender they think I am.

 

I have been called a boy, a nice lady, a young man, a child, kid etc

 

I don't like when people call me "man, woman, lady, Ms, Mr, etc" because I feel it puts me in a "gender box" and I don't want to be confined to one gender. My gender shifts, and most times I don't feel like any of them. So I get uncomfortable if people put me in a box.

 

But people who are more aware that gender isn't always what it seems at first are often cautious around me and either ask me or just quickly correct themselves.

 

I am fine with both male and female pronoun or they/them. You can use any of those.

 

But like I said, some days I feel more male or female, so I can adjust the way I dress to how I feel. But I think everyone should have the choice to wear what they want regardless of gender and gender norms.

[1978]

@

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Thanks a lot for sharing and I feel get used to your story too

 

 

 

 

So, let me share mine...

 

 

- I am a woman who loves woman and yes, my darling is a woman as I am.

 

- I am beauty addict as my darling is!

 

- I was called as "a faggot" for 3 times xDD Should I be proud of that??

 

- Anyway, I love to see when a man loves a man, that's why I'm here, hahaha+++

 

 

 

rabbit4

[gin]

I don't need to be more verbose about it but I'm a Girl and yeah straight.

 

Like some cases here, I'm often mistook as a random tomboy. (*tough luck). Yeah Gin and Dress couldn't even compromise. I'm usually looking less feminine and more geeky as the decades passes by... though I must say I know my gender well.

 

I evaded boys like plague, though I don't have issues with them. It's just that I'm not really used to a boy's company since all of my friends are girls and some gay dudes. Then again , me talking to a boy first would be a miracle. But I do have crushes, rarely ---so scratch that.

 

Yeah I don't do romance, it's not my thing. That probably's the fact that strangers, neighbors, whatever you call them, concluded that I'm a lesbian or some weird thing they called alien. Yeah some guy called me an alien. HAHAHA though I assume I'm nothing but a potato.

 

To be frank I feel my palms twitch being called like that. So let's just say i'm a not so girly-girl. Yeah tough talking and brusque.

 

So I didn't need to rack my brain to know what really I am. I'm a FEMALE. That's all there is to it

 

 

[sarah3161]

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yup, your story is really familiar to me ^_^

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well you’re not alone i can tell you that ^_^ but it’s a good thing your friends are with you , they are real friends.

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now that you mention it, i do remember people calling me kid,boy too. ^^

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0_0 i had NO idea you were gay and you are taken onion13

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alien yoyo5 that would made me laugh if i was called like that

 

well , :leaf3: thank you for sharing your story.. after reading your comments i realized :leaf13:

that gender doesn't define your sexual orientation , because i'm straight but genderqueer

 

i guess that means our gender is who we are not what people tell us who we are :leaf20:

[Sloan]

I'd like to share some thoughts on this. Just my opinions.

 

The problem we have with our society is that we like to slap labels and categorize everything in order to 'understand better' but thankfully, this way of thinking is being abandoned now. It's too limiting and actually counterproductive to our understanding of identities. It's important for you make this self-discovery. And you're doing it, which is very good. It is our purpose.

 

So I totally understand where you're coming from- and I agree that we all should be ourselves. Without the fear of being prejudged. Far too many have been victimized and our growing awareness is approaching to resolve this problem. Towards to a better world!

 

I believe that the confusion or rejection is caused by the growing balance of female and male energies on this planet. I believe that we all carry both female and male energies. [but within this complex matrix of societal restraints and thinking patterns force us to go in a certain direction, thus the notion of 'you can't have it both ways', which should be abandoned.]More men are allowing female energy in, and more women are allowing male energy in.

 

Female energy and male energy, I don't mean like- women act like women, thus female energy and vice versa. That's society forming these thought patterns. It's difficult to explain the female/male energies without labels, [like we can't call it pink [we think of baby girl] or blue energy [baby boy] or positive or negative energies [we think of atoms] ] It's, which again, very limiting and it's difficult to detach all societal influences from our thoughts...

but essentially female and male energies are easily found in nature of humans. They're something we can compare.

 

like compassion, creativity, etc... are found more in women, whereas logics, power are found in men. They happen to be more receptive of these inputs, thus the 'female' and 'male' energies.

 

But the point is, why is it that a homosexual always feel so troubled with his/her identity? Because she/he doesn't feel she/he fits in SOCIETY because of the things that we do and do not accept/understand. Things are supposed to be this way, that way, etc. And we only have ourselves to blame. We should embrace who we are and the energies that we ARE. And accept others for who/what they ARE.

 

Today, in society where we start to understand and realize how unique every individual really is, the lines begin to blur... and eventually it'll reach to the point where we don't need labels or to categorize ourselves.

 

"Just be yourself." Is still a great quote but we don't think seriously about it. If I were you, I wouldn't worry about it at all. I like to say this, lol "Who gives a [bleep] what other people think?"

 

So if a person asks me my sexual orientation or my gender identity or whatever, I'd be like "I'm me." And if they can't understand that simple answer, it's their problem. They prefer to stay with what they're comfortable with and not up to challenges or adventures.

[BlueNeon]

you can just jump to the conclusion if you want to

That's what I was planning to do. I am what I am and I love what I am,simple as that.

You know...when I was younger I used to spend my days thinking of what I am. And everytime I was asking myself 'who I am?' the answer was always different. Then I realized I was just wasting time(though I don't believe in time)and that the more you think the less you know.

[Sloan]

That's what I was planning to do. I am what I am and I love what I am,simple as that.

You know...when I was younger I used to spend my days thinking of what I am. And everytime I was asking myself 'who I am?' the answer was always different. Then I realized I was just wasting time(though I don't believe in time)and that the more you think the less you know.

 

"The more you think, the less you know"?

What do you mean by this? If it were 'the more you think, the less we understand' it might be true.

Thinking critically is part of the evolution. you can't go backward. Once you learn something, you can't unlearn it. So whenever you're thinking, you're on a self-discovery journey... it doesn't matter if you're active or inactive. I agree that time is an illusion but I don't agree with time being wasted. It's like saying if you waste your time, you waste your life. I know all the geniuses say that time is precious and that we should do something meaningful with our lives but that is simply BS, since time is a ridiculous measuring tool. Self-discovery is a progress that serves the purpose of our lives.

[BlueNeon]

"The more you think, the less you know"?

What do you mean by this? If it were 'the more you think, the less we understand' it might be true.

Thinking critically is part of the evolution. you can't go backward. Once you learn something, you can't unlearn it. So whenever you're thinking, you're on a self-discovery journey... it doesn't matter if you're active or inactive. I agree that time is an illusion but I don't agree with time being wasted. It's like saying if you waste your time, you waste your life. I know all the geniuses say that time is precious and that we should do something meaningful with our lives but that is simply BS, since time is a ridiculous measuring tool. Self-discovery is a progress that serves the purpose of our lives.

'The more you think, the less you know': read about the 'nocebo effect'(in depth) and you'll understand.

'Once you learn something, you can't unlearn it.'- Who said 'learn'? Learn and Think are two different actions(cognitive activities,to be more precise). You can learn without thinking and vice versa.

 

I do agree with -> 'It's like saying if you waste your time, you waste your life.'

[sarah3161]

Thank u for sharing your thoughts ^_^ it’s awesome to have different point of view

it gave idea that it is more important to know our labels to know who we are

i believe that labels are for identification not separation

and even it is sometimes hard to put up with people’s negative judgment,it doesn't matter because people will always have something to criticize about

[Sloan]

'The more you think, the less you know': read about the 'nocebo effect'(in depth) and you'll understand.

'Once you learn something, you can't unlearn it.'- Who said 'learn'? Learn and Think are two different actions(cognitive activities,to be more precise). You can learn without thinking and vice versa.

 

I do agree with -> 'It's like saying if you waste your time, you waste your life.'

 

 

Ahh, I understand now. the nocebo effect. That's where the 'knowledge can be either food or poison'

Depends on situations and such, but primarily only because you're not prepared for it.

Sometimes it takes a very long time to finally understand something- just need more time connecting the dots together. It's like religion sometimes... you can't just pull people into blind faith, because the beliefs might be different. But it's very easy for one to give up or say 'this is a waste of time' if they didn't understand something.

 

Thank u for sharing your thoughts ^_^ it’s awesome to have different point of view

it gave idea that it is more important to know our labels to know who we are

i believe that labels are for identification not separation

and even it is sometimes hard to put up with people’s negative judgment,it doesn't matter because people will always have something to criticize about

 

Judgment is like one of unique characteristics being a human. It's almost impossible NOT to judge anything but we have to, yes. it's unavoidable no matter how hard you try not to be judgmental. I agree with you-->I believe that labels are for identification too... but what for? For 'clarification', but don't you think it's rather limiting? It leaves very little room for creativity. Or we don't allow that creativity or adventures within ourselves.

[Desacred]

All I can say is I will soon in the future hopefully be male. FtM ♥

[BlueRayman]

Ok lets see I'm a Bi guy and most of the time people who meet me meet a 'straight' slightly geeky guy, when in fact on the inside I kinda girly but hide that to a certain degree to make life easier.

 

Most of my friends are straight and most of the guys are more of the mans man type, but you know what although I can go and drink pint down the pub with them or take the piss like guys do they still treat me the same sort of way they'd treat the women in our social group, giving their chair up for me (or even a knee to sit on), offering me their jacket if its cold, step in if I'm getting hassled in a bar etc. -- Although I hear "Ray, your such a fag" or "stop being such 'a' gay" its said with affection and makes me laugh.

 

Now my females friends who are part of the same social group treat me as both one of the girls and one of the guys, I'm included in the girls nights out, the girl talk and when they a bitching about men I'm in the 'but not you Ray' category, but I give my chair up for them, give them my jacket, carry the bags when shopping etc.

 

I've kinda always know since my teens that I wasn't normal but didn't know the how or why and because I was, I don't know scared or confused I guess I ignored my school work and went out drinking etc and generally getting into trouble. It was only in my later teen when I started going out clubbing the rock scene where nobody really cares about gender, sexuality or anything like that(rock clubs by the way really friendly and safe, far less trouble in them) that I started experimenting. Even though I was open about my sexuality it still took along time for me to be comfortable with it, not being the person I thought I wanted to be.

 

Its only know that I've got an understand about what it is I need, want and like and what I need in a partner have I become comfortable. In a partner I need somebody that I can be "the same person I am when I'm on my own, but with them" - does that make sense?

So that said I'm saying my gender is...er can I say male-girly-tomboy?

 

--- I seem to have used a lot of words but i don't really know if it makes any sense??

[iamTK]

1'm 19 and a guy here.

 

Everyone often mistakes me as "gay" but I think I knew it very well that I am not. I just a had few loose screw in my head and some shady and pretty cliche'd history.

 

- I grew up with my grandma until I graduated from elementary. My parents just recently pick me up from her when I was about to be in my 1st year High School. While I was in the care of my grandma. All virtue and etiquette was taught on me. All I can described was it was hell and gruesome but I never complained about it to my grandma, not even once. My childhood was like a "feeling-prince life".

 

- I never experienced to play outside nor do make friends with the other kids back there so the only thing to kill time was to read a bunch of books all the time or listened to my grandma's lesson. Okay, maybe I was brainwashed XD. Kidding.

 

- I was a frail person too so I often visit hospitals and stayed there a couple of days or weeks.

 

Can grasp now why my personality and manner was like these?

 

- Okay, overall the reason why I am being stoic, taciturn, aloof and quiet guy was mainly due to my little life back there.

 

- Always school and our house the place I ever been before or library if I was eagerly to protest to my grandma that I want to go outside.

 

Now why everyone often mistakes me as "Girlish" and "Gay" at first:

 

- I prefer a simple clothes and my type of outfit was like T-Shirt with simple color and simple long pants. Jacket with hoodie and simple shirt pants. Sweater outside and polo shirt inside and simple long pants again. Plus I really adore wearing business suit and my type of shoes are only simple sneakers and black shoes.

 

- Branded as nerdy type but in a good way, they said. I always wore my eye glasses at school and work. Plus mostly things inside my bag are books and mp3 player and a spare notebook and memo pad.

 

- I'm not good being brusque attitude nor do fond about it. And I think my girlish manner was due to my way of etiquette before. Once I had a chance to talk, I talked in a nice and respectable way all the time.

 

- They say my BLUNTNESS but I said my HONESTY on words that I say sometimes are weird.

 

- I had a super ticklish body and sensitive earlobes. Sometimes I really hate who dares to tickles me or do joke about it.

 

- I really loves cuddles, being petted in the head and ruffles my hair. I honestly don't know the reason on it but I feel at ease.

 

- My innocent and naivete gave them the impression of it.

 

- Plus lack of humor and being dense. Sometimes when my other male classmates do ask me about "sex" or "girl-thing" I just simply gave a not related answer on it. Want some cases? Here:

 

Case # 1

Do you want some luck?

Me & My classmate guy: (Just got boarded on a bus)

After a several minutes....

My Classmate: Zy! Do you want some luck!? *grinning at me*

Me: Huh!? (Don't know what he mean on that)

My Classmate: Miss! Please take this seat! (Calling a girl whose age is about the same as us from his right side)

Me: Huh!? (Still don't know what's happening)

Until my classmate boarded off from the bus, I still don't know what some sort of "LUCK" he mean on that....

 

Case # 2

My friend: God! Zyrus you loves to eat isn't?~

Me: It's okay the Carbs, the fats, not gonna be added to my weight *smile to him*

Him: this bastard!!! *grips my head*

What's his reason??? XD

 

Case # 3

Got home for a while from work~

just about to eat lunch with my family since I did promise that I will eat with them that day and my uncle Chong was there! (My Dad's Chinese friend)

Uncle Chong: Hey Zy! I heard that last week you went to the beach so I guess a lot of chicks was there right?

Me: Hmmm.....I guess? (didn't notice)

Uncle Chong: so did you get some number or two?

Me: Of what uncle chong? the receptionist contact number that I used to lodge and stay? Nope, I didn't. I forgot to asked..

Uncle Chong: (Face Palm)

My Family: (Face Palm)

The heck!!! Did I say something??

 

But now, re-reading it. I can pointed out my mistake (face palm too and heave a long sigh)

 

- If someone asked my why I don't have any girlfriends yet or not in a relationship. I only answer them what merit I can gain on it. Or if getting in a relationship is like a in-demand job , I might consider getting it faster. But honestly, the truth is why bother to get a girlfriend if you're not gonna marry her someday isn't?

 

- I'm close mostly at girls but the truth is they easily to confide when you're about to cry sometimes and easily to be emotional even though I am serious all the time.

[Rumpleteaser]

I was born female and identify as female. It would be nice to be both genders or be born male but I feel like a woman. I'm soft butch, rather dominant and very childish. I'm homoflexible, meaning I am physically attracted to the females rather than males form but wouldn't count a man out if I found him attractive or fell in love with him. That's not likely though. I like drawn dicks more than physical ones. Anime men in general are so much better drawn than women. i don't like big cow titties or characters that look like they're 12yo.

 

A lot of my identity revolves around my medical conditions. I have bipolar, insomnia, PCOS and diabetes. It means that I have long periods of highs and lows. I can go up to three days without sleep then start hallucinating before conking out for 24 hours. I rarely fall asleep before 4am, even if I go to bed at 10pm. I also have a lot of male hormones running around my body, which along with medication causes middle weight gain, period problems and generally fucked up hormones (including insulin).

[Choree]

Oh my oh my...so many elaborate and interesting stories....mmmh well would it be wierd for me to say that I just feel that I am a human ? I mean, I don't really know what is it to feel like a boy or a girl, other than using the steriotypes our social envirement has forged into our brain.

To me, being a girl is having "oestrogenes and mainly girl's sexual system" and a boy is to have "testosterone and boy's sexual system" '___'

There are studies who actual go deeper than that (in a genetic point of view), in order to explain certain steriotypes (of course, they must come from somewhere). For instant, a study showed that men are more prone to be selfish than woman. Or that woman are more likely to feel pity and being more emotional than men. Buuuut tbh...I haven't looked into it properly althout it really makes me curious...

 

So yea, bottom of the story I am a human who is attracted to humans :]

[Rebel Heart]

I'm Patrick

 

I'm a male and I feel myself pretty much male, I love males. I never really loved a woman before, but who knows, maybe one day.

 

I'm also pretty much an optimistic guy, but this wasn't always the case, I learned to see things with a different perspective, because if you don't learn to see things with a different point of view, my believe is you will never truly understand yourself.

 

I'm born with Autism and grown up in a time where there wasn't much know about this disorder, as a child i always runned away from home and had outburst. This resulted in being send away when I was 6, which caused my separation anxiety. Because I couldn't see my parents for more then 8 months, which is forever for a child.

 

I grew up in a hostile environment, the first 3 years where ok, but then I had to be transferred towards a new home, which was poor and had mostly deliqoutnted teenagers, there was crime, drug abuse, even rape among teenagers, most of the kids I knew had multiply disorders and where very violent. There is only one way to survive, the survival of the fittest, being mentally strong and physically strong. It was a very hard life, and I was 10. I was also under the influence of pretty strong drugs (not the hard drugs) but drugs to keep you calm, which results in less emotions.

 

Living a live as an zombie wasn't my thing and at some point, I played by their rules, you got to be smart, if you can't beat the system, join them. In this period I also found out about my sexual preference, I had one boy in particular, which when I look back at it, loved very much. I always protected him when he got bullied and we were very close. But as I moved away, he went downhill, and the voices in his head grew stronger. which resulted in very violent outburst, till this day I always feel sad for leaving him (not that I had much of a choice)

 

When I came back at my parents, I was a changed boy, but my home situation didn't change, I came back as a quite kid, the drugs tempered with my mental state so much, that at that point I didn't care much of the affairs of the world (when I look back it scares me so much, to think you don't feel anything, is really really fucked up), today these drugs are illegal to use on kids, at least here in the Netherlands. Slowly but steady I started to feel emotions again, but due the situation where I was put back in, my parents who constant fight, much stress and living in the middle of nowhere. At some point I fled into the online world (world of gaming).

 

The more emotions I felt the more depressing I got, at some point it became so bad that I had attempted to take my own live, not once but twice. No one knew until I told my parents many years later. I wasn't ready for the world, there was to much going on and I couldn't handle it, and the things and trauma's I had from my time away from home also popped up. I was stabbed, I was raped and mentally abused (constant hearing that you are no good, your just trash, and you shouldn't expecting to live a normal live, this is what I heard as a kid) my parents never knew a thing, and they still don't as today.

 

Most of my friends know, I learned to talk and learned to see things from the bright site, When you hit the bottom of the well, you have 2 choices, end it, or start building up from the scratch. No one likes a guy who only lives in self pity, always plays victim card, people will walk away at some point, get tired of constant hearing you moan, constant hearing you complain, constant hearing your problems. You know everyone got problems, and for everyone these problems are equally as yours. Yes my past was horrible, but I live in the here and now, I had to let go of the past and build myself up, to the point where I'm now.

 

I'm happy now, I met my soulmate who taught me so many imported things, but most of all, I saw ,my own errors and learned from them. No one can change the world for you, the only one who can make things better is you, yourself. Life won't become fun if you ask for it, it becomes fun if you work for it and change your mindset.

 

These days I try to be positive and considerate towards others, I want to help those with the experience I got. but I always want to enjoy the simple things in life, because when you have seen hell, everything else doesn't seem to be so bad.

[Ryuu_L]

Hey, I'm Suzanna - a pirate, zombie killer, bisexual, artist, unicorn and introvert.

 

I haven't always been an introvert. I was like.. Chloe Price, BANG! (do you know video game Life is Strage? Yep! I was like Chloe! haha). Well-

 

in short..

 

When I was a kid, my mom wanted to kill me. She has mental problems. She overcame the tragedy of multiple miscarriages and after the death of my cousin it was worse and worse. She locked me and my younger brother at home and we couldn't spend time with friends or family. She then had a strange panic and yelled: "Why you have no friends? Why you're not normal like the others? You're nothing!" and so on. I feel that she mentally and emotionally destroyed me. She didn't use physical punishment but psychological punishment and I felt very very bad. but I was always a rebel. I was like - cigarettes, partying, alcohol, vandalism, punk, shisha, friends, play truant, I was cruel to people, etc.

I thought to myself I can do what I want! I ran out of the house and I enjoyed the freedom... but then...

 

My first ex-boyfriend verbally and emotionally abused me - I started dating my ex when I was only 16. He dumped me after we had sex and told me that I wasn't the one. I fell into a deep depression. I went to a psychologist but I had never seen a psychologist and was nervous! >

 

A few years later, I reveled in the freedom again. I had a relationship with girls, boys and It was never anything serious - simply just for fun. I drank a lot of alcohol, I was "so hardcore punk-ass" and I fucked the whooole woorld! Wooohoooo!

Haha, yeah, but karma is a bitch, right?

 

I fell in love with the high school bad boy. I had been in this relationship for 6 years! I was so happy but he dumped me for another girl. Yeah. I deserved it. I fell into a deep depression again. It was a nightmare! I fought thanks to medicines and my therapist..

 

I'm a different person now. I hope so. Yeah, I still struggling with self-harm and anxiety as an adult, but I think it's better now

 

I'm just human. I'm just Ryuu ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ

[Rebel Heart]

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I never been in real love pain yet, I'm not to sure if I would be able to overcome being dumped. But it takes courage and strength to keep moving on, which make you a very strong person of heart.

[Ryuu_L]

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Life is filled with happiness, sadness, tears, smiles, laughter and other emotions but when life gets us down, just... we must always be strong