Shards of Sanity 「PRIVATE RP」 Phanto feat. Saga

[Saga]

Pupils averted to Lou's direction, that hurt even more. Treating him with care to just push him off the cliff then. He slapped the hand that held him up, just to adopt coldness and anger in eyes.

- Don't bullshit me. Pick your behavior, don't go around like a whore on me. Either hate me fully and don't bother me, or... - he paused, not even knowing what was the 'or'. Never he knew love, how he could describe it?

 

With a pull for the towel put on a shelf, he hopped it open over head to walk out the bathroom,

- Doctor, my ass. Instead of mending, you only know destroying. - alcohol said its word, only truths and no holding back.

[Phanto77]

Hsin's anger started to boil the very blood in his veins. He grabbed Harukami's arm and instantly raised his arm to backhand the man before him. The hand crashed onto the other man's face with such force that snapped his head to the side.

 

"Don't you ever call me that again. I try to help you and this is how you treat me? If you every call me a whore again, I swear to God, Allah, Yahweh, and the fucking teletubbies, I will stick a knife in your heart." He didn't care that the man had just discredited his credentials, or his help. But that word cut into him like diamond through a stone.

 

He turned to leave the bathroom.

[Saga]

His cheek burnt, the slap sound still buzzing in his head. The hair went messy and gladly covered up his bruised face.

 

Don't you ever call me that again. I try to help you and this is how you treat me? If you every call me a whore again, I swear to God, Allah, Yahweh, and the fucking teletubbies, I will stick a knife in your heart.

 

Standing as he was, he just spoke by low voice - the anger of his was the silent type. The scariest types of anger.

- Stick a knife in my heart? Didn't you do that already,you ...whore?

[Phanto77]

Hsin's anger, at that moment, boiled over. With his eyes flaring, he rained blows on the other man. So wild and quick were they, no one, not even Harukami, could anticipate them.

 

"You thought that was heartbreak, you bastard? Is that what it was to you?" The blows got harder and harder. "Why didn't I let Sanada have you?"

 

He stopped and dropped to the floor. "Why? I did this to myself." He covered his face and went still.

[Saga]

It wasn't that Haru couldn't use force now when angry, it wasn't either that he couldn't dodge. For god's sake, he learned martial arts out of fear for his uncle though never dared to use the knowledge even then. Hit after hit - against chest, shoulders or whatever the hands of the male landed - he got Harukami bumped into the wall behind back.

 

All he held was out, even thoughts that probably he kept thinking ever since Masato kidnapped him. The other flopped on the floor, completely drown in despair.

 

As for Haru he just silently stood there, his body aching no more than his heart. He crouched down, hand itching to caress the hair away from the male's face and move these hands off the beautiful features he covered. But then he just lowered his gaze.

-Say, doctor.. - despite the need to call out gently Lou's name he held back- ..if you read the same books I read and lived the tragedy I lived... - that was a question he asked himself back in the safe-house but now he could ask Lou- ...would you be me or still you today?

 

Blue sapphires smiled tiredly and sadly, he had nothing to offer to that man. Seemingly, sometimes ... sometimes love wasn't enough alone.

- I won't touch you again, I won't look at you ever again, I won't appear before ever again. You can have your freedom, but can you just...not leave Shanghai?

 

That being said, he rose from the crouching position to jab hand in pocket and drop the keys down before Lou.

- It was nice to meet you, doctor.

 

Nothing good ever came when Haru was happy. He had to know that already. Happy with his family caused him misery; happy that he found Lou caused him despair. That was enough. He had enough.

[Phanto77]

"Wait. Sit down, Harukami. I'm not letting you that easy."

 

"There are things I need to say."

[Saga]

Not quite in the right mood, to listen to more bashing. He felt like vomiting or worse, dying. Ah, so he was dying from inside. Masato just paused, standing still to listen to the other - after all, that would be probably the last time he would see, hear or feel the same air the male breathed.

 

Silently he listened, staring at the door before him. A door he always passed, to run away from all that hurt him.

[Phanto77]

"The drunken man I almost killed. He still hasn't woken up. I am not a violent person, but if it weren't for Nagasawa-the guy who arrested you-, I would be in prison right now. No matter how much money my grandfather threw at the problem, beating someone to death is a big thing."

 

"Because he killed her. He was drunk and he killed her. And I found out that it wasn't his first time. He'd done it before, drinking and driving. And he got away with it every time. I wasn't gonna let him get away with it again. Not after he took her from me."

[Saga]

He stared at the door's pattern, his deduction never wrong. He knew it was a woman he lost, he knew he loved her and he knew he was driven to insanity - that was a reason he didn't kill him and a reason why he said they were alike. But then again, he never imagined he'd have the male exposing the details before...more or less, a criminal - a psychopath.

 

He lowered his gaze; Masato wasn't a man who judged people. He was a psychopath that despised people.

- Then again, doctor.. any sane being would do the same. The difference though is..you are not selfish enough to kill for your own life(after all Haru was still alive), but for the life of other. - Haru smiled and turned chin over shoulder, - That was what captured me in you.

 

With a small pause,

- It's time to let her go, don't you think? I doubt she would like to see you like this, so as long as you have what to hold on your sanity - do so. If you don't want to be like me.

 

Masato knew his words. He had nothing he could hold his sanity on, not before meeting Lou. But then Lou was the fragment that broke Haru completely. So it was better to do as Lee said, 'let go of what you love'.

[Phanto77]

"Do you know what they do to people who are too quiet in my household, Harukami?"

[Saga]

Hsin obviously lost it. Haru didn't understand why Lou started sharing? Was that some kind of 'farewell'? Knowing that he wouldn't see Haru again, he could at least shift the weight of his shoulders on Haru's shoulders? But Masato minded not. He disliked when Lou mourned, he disliked when the male looked so weak. So he let him speak, he let him say whatever he kept inside. At least, he owned him so much.

[Phanto77]

"You know, you're not the only one who grew up in a house like this. Although mine was Japanese through and through. My grandfather hated my father. Didn't think he was good enough for his daughter. When he met me, he decided I was too quiet. Too… grown up, is what he said. He sent me to this place in Switzerland so they can fix me."

 

Hsin took his shirt off. "You probably were too busy rutting on me to notice." He pulled back his hair and raised his arm. At his ear and his far chest, there were burn marks, distinguished ones that can only be made by electrocution, although only visible if you know what you're looking for.

 

"Natsuo was my nanny, Harukami. She was 12 years older than me. When I was ten, this happened and she did her damned best for it to stop. And I loved her for it. She was beautiful and kind and smart. When I could, I took her for myself."

 

Hsin smiled sadly. "I've had the Pessimist shocked out of me." He pointed at Harukami. "The Optimist fucked out of me. Being a realist is all I have left."

[Saga]

You know, you're not the only one who grew up in a house like this.

 

"...That old man.", Haru knew right away someone spoke and who else besides Tang? But even so, he kept silent as looked away.

 

Once the man shifted around, exposing some body parts to Masato, the blue eyes stared silently. He didn't need exact explanation what it was, a doctor could tell himself.

 

Natsuo was my nanny, Harukami. She was 12 years older than me. When I was ten, this happened and she did her damned best for it to stop. And I loved her for it. She was beautiful and kind and smart. When I could, I took her for myself.

 

Forced to listen, not. He calmly waited for the other to finish.

 

I've had the Pessimist shocked out of me.

 

Eyes eased, but body not - especially when soaked all over heels with cold water. He stood to be pointed at,

 

The Optimist fucked out of me. Being a realist is all I have left.

 

Hardly something had he to say. Never he said Lou lacked tragedy in his life, but still he had Natsuo. Probably understandable why he loved her so much and why he didn't want to let her go. But then, why he couldn't understand Haru wanting the same? He was more or less just like Hsin, having someone that he could lean his head on - but that someone appeared to reject him over and over again. Kindness, love or force - neither worked. Or was it because Haru was a psychopath that made Lou judge him as a trash from the beginning?

 

Suddenly he felt a bitter taste in his mouth and frowned, he felt like vomiting. With a raise of hand he turned around to leave,

- If that's all..I will take my leave. Thank you, doctor. It's not everyday you meet a psychologist and a psychopath so honest. - he tried to make a joke but somehow he couldn't laugh.

 

He hoped the morning would be better. Speaking of which, it's been awhile since he waited for the morning to come faster.

[Phanto77]

"Oi, bastard. I need to put you to bed." Hsin stood and grabbed Harukami's arm and dragged him to the bed.

 

"Everything can wait til morning. And if you so much as touch me while we sleep, I will put you in that shower with a toaster. See how you like being fried."

 

"And get into some dry clothes, for God's sake. You think I don't know a sulky teenager when I see one?"

[Saga]

Not expecting the pull, he stumbled backwards to be dragged and forced in bed. His body cold to touch, but still eyes not widened for the temperature - rather a bit startled at what the other was doing.

 

And if you so much as touch me while we sleep, I will put you in that shower with a toaster. See how you like being fried.

 

Haru glanced to side when Hsin finished his scolding, if it were the honest hour so it be,

- I can't promise, doctor. - he smiled lightly and rose from the bed; it was another reason to damn move to the guest room as he tried a few times before, before everything became such a mess.

[Phanto77]

"My words stand for themselves. You touch, you fry. And stop getting the bed wet. That's it, you're sleeping on the wet part." He raised his eyebrow, like a scolding mother.

[Saga]

My words stand for themselves. You touch, you fry. And stop getting the bed wet. That's it, you're sleeping on the wet part.

 

Wait. He made a pause in his mind, glancing over the wet part then back at Lou. Did he just say they were to sleep on one bed? Haru frowned, that was worse than being fried! How he was supposed to stay calm when Lou was in same bed? Masato frowned deeper, he laid back and turned his back at Lou.

- Sure, so better let the cold clothes on. - it was a safe-play. As long as he was cold, he could keep the adrenaline down. Especially when his body could heat and boil next to that man, let alone have him in same bed.

[Phanto77]

"I've met psychopaths. I've met morons. But i've never met both at the same time."

 

He retrieved a duvet from the wardrobe and lay on the farthest edge of the bed.

[Saga]

"Right.", he just decided to stay quiet, not even glancing over the other. Besides, didn't he promise him he wouldn't touch him nor look at him? That was ridiculous. He was trying so hard, just to be pushed the edge once again. That man in the room, did he really know how much he meant to Harukami?

 

The frustrating first minutes, he kept silent and waited for Lou to fall asleep.

[Phanto77]

In only ten minutes, Hsin's surrender to sleep was final. His breathing was soft and deep. No snoring, as always.

[Saga]

Listening to the male's breathing was enough to put him in mood. Quietly he sat up, partly his clothes dried from the body temperature, his hair damn messy but looked good. With a silent gesture he looked over Lou, just like a thief stealing a glance from what he loved and desired.

 

Blue gaze lowered and he got up. Any more from that same air that Lou breathed and he would jump him - again. Masato got up to walk out the room quietly. Damn that torture, he bet that in prison he was supposed to go wouldn't be so hard as it was now.

 

[Phanto77]

Hsin awakened with his head swimming. But he was the only one in the room.

 

He got ready and decided to look for Harukami. Punching a few bodyguards who got in his way.

[Saga]

It was the early morning. Haru always woke first in that household and Lee was the only servant awake to serve the coffee and the breakfast. Who would imagine actually that Haru looked so normal in the mornings? His hair freely loosened and thin framed glasses while reading paper documents. As soon as he heard his bodyguards rushing to be knocked, he rose chin up - expecting no one but Lou.

 

Tang bowed lightly to take his leave.

 

Masato looked from under the glasses and only these words escaped him,

- I thought you weren't a man of violence.

[Phanto77]

"You also thought I was sane. Wrong on both accounts. Get ready. We're going somewhere."

[Saga]

The tone was demanding and almost as if refusal was out of question. Masato glanced over one of the bodyguards that gestured to take Lou away but the firm stare made the man stop. Haru took his glasses off on the table,

- Doctor, I am really busy. You can use whatever car you wish to drive around Shanghai. - he thought it was a matter of 'freedom'. So he made it audible even for the bodyguards - Lou was free.