Fragments of the Past

[UndertheWeather]

Spring had finally come. With his hands behind his head, Yuu was stretched on his back amongst the tall grass in a clearing somewhere deep in the forest. It was a cool morning; the wind was gently caressing his long, two-toned hair, messing it up into a tangled mess. But he did not care. Winter had been long and harsh, and there was no longer enough annoyance, irritation or indignation left in him by the end of those months. Besides, the day was too good for that. He took a deep breath, and let the cool sensation of the crisp morning air fill his lungs that had by now begun to turn grey - but with the fresh air came a new resolution, to stop smoking. He felt determined. He felt good. He felt proud of himself. And again he took another deep breath.

 

Although the sun was partially hidden behind streaks of white clouds, he could feel the warm touch of its heat against his face, his arms, his hands. And the fingers of his left hand rested on top of his sword, his fingertips tracing from memory the intricate carvings on the sheath. The day could not get any better.

 

Again he took another deep breath. Yuu felt the excitement tickling the back of his neck as he waited for young Lyall to join him in the comfort of their secret space. They had found it together when they first started playing together; he was 15 at that time, Lyall was 6, and even though he thought it was an odd age gap, they seemed to get along well. Lyall seemed like a little brother to him, but as they continued to grow up together, he began to regard him more like a friend. It was strange. Yuu had never had such a young friend in his life. Much older ones, yes. But young ones. No. Not ever. Just Lyall. The only one.

 

Ten years had passed since then, and their relationship seemed to be as good as ever. Three years back, he had offered to pass his knowledge and skill in swordsmanship down to Lyall in the hopes that the younger male would be better equipped in self-defence. To be honest, Yuu felt quite a discomfort within himself as he watched Lyall continue to bloom into a beautiful young man; he thought it best if Lyall knew how to defend himself from the dark figures that lurked in the shadows, waiting for that space of negligence to pounce on attractive individuals. He did not want anything bad happening to Lyall. Or maybe he did not want anyone to touch Lyall. Anyone but him…

[StainedCrimson]

Lyall rushes down the road to get to his meeting place with Yuu. As he runs his clothes become slightly disheveled and his hair a windswept mess. By the time he reaches Yuu his face is slightly pink from the wind and exercise, as well as being slightly out of breath. "Sorry Yuu, I didn't keep you waiting too long did I?" He asks setting his bag down from his lessons. It lands with a loud dull thud.

 

Settling himself down next to his longtime friend, sneaking a glance at the other out of the corner of his eyes grateful that the flush on his face can be attributed to his run to get here. As he settles himself and regains his breath he thinks about how lucky he is to have such an attractive and kind older friend. A feeling of pride comes over him as he knows that he's also the youngest person Yuu associates with and spends most of his free time with.

 

With a sigh he flops over so his head falls onto Yuu's shoulder to join him laying down to look up at the sky. "So 'sensei'..." He drawls in a playful tone "What's on the agenda for today?" Truth be told he's excited for his lessons even though he knows it's unlikely he'll ever be as skilled as his friend. It just gives him another excuse to spend even more time with the other male.

[UndertheWeather]

The sound of hurried footsteps crunching on the crisp grass carved a smile across Yuu's face; for a moment, he shut his eyes and let the expectation build up, picturing the image that he knew too well - the posture, the height, the eyes, the long, dark hair...and when he opened his eyes again, there stood Lyall, catching his breath, cheeks bright pink, as if his imagination, his yearning, his desire had brought to life the adolescent.

 

Yuu flashed Lyall a warm smile as he settled down next to him. His hand reached out to touch the fabric of Lyall's top - a habit that he had developed over the years from a game that he had played with himself, one that involved guessing the material of Lyall's clothings. However, he was no fabric expert, and so his little game was only an act of entertainment, not developing into anything more than an odd habit. "And what if I said you did?" he teased good-naturedly.

 

When Lyall rested his head on his shoulder, Yuu was immediately immersed in the familiar tingle of comfort from the weight that he was so accustomed to. Instinctively, he buried his face in the dark, long hair, silently sniffing the sweet scent of shampoo and sweat mingled together into one that his mind had come to identify as that of his company's. There was only an incoherent mumbling in reply as he let the sensation wash over his body, satisfying his...longingness - no, it was no doubt lust. But denial was always there to guard his conscience; against what, he was not certain - perhaps rejection, perhaps fear of loss. He could not remember when his feelings had begun to stir, but he knew that it was there now.

 

"What've you been doing all morning, Lya?" he murmured from within tangled hair with a lack of interest in what he had voluntarily offered to teach Lyall; he was obviously merely idling away time.

[StainedCrimson]

"Then I would call you a liar and accuse you of arriving early solely for the purpose of sneaking away to nap while avoiding your duties." Lyall teases back laughter evident in his tone. Feeling the other sniff his hair causes a flush to build up even more noticeably, but a small happy smile also appears. Shifting a bit he makes Yuu's top bunch up so he can have the other's scent surround him more.

 

Blinking at the question he tilts his head back a bit to look at the other. "I was looking at new fabrics that came in and was checking the quality." He huffs at the other and pokes him in the side. "You should know that by now. Oh, but I was also learning about some new fashion trends. It's fascinating to see what others think is fashionable. It can be amusing, horrifying or inspiring." Lyall babbles happily thinking about it. He enjoys handling the fabrics and creating outfits out of them. Though on his own time he's created more than one outfit for his friend, even if he's been to shy and embarrassed to actually show the other.

 

Thinking on that his mind goes in the direction his new found interest has taken and wonders how his friend would take the news. That sobers him up a little as his fear of Yuu turning him away in disgust rears up. Stifling a shudder he rolls over so he can more easily look at his friend to study the well-known profile.

[UndertheWeather]

Eyes shut tight, Yuu nuzzled closer towards his younger companion, trying to avoid any eye contact at all cost; he knew he could not hide the bored look reflected in his eyes. It was not like he found Lyall boring, or that the talk about his fast-growing interest in fabric and clothes-making dull; it was merely that, every time Lyall spoke of the whole fabric business, Yuu felt an odd sensation stir within him, a discomfort, a sense of loneliness, and...distance, abandonment - No, he had to stop spiralling into the dark depths of his thoughts. Should he trust Lyall? Or should he trust his gut? He was not sure.

 

Yuu felt Lyall stir by his hide; the gaze that he was so accustomed to, looking straight at his profile felt irritably uncomfortable to him. It was just not right. He mustered everything that was within him, and erased the look from his eyes. Yet he knew that it was impossible to completely remove them - at least not when he was dealing with Lyall. He had grown so attached, so opened, that he felt way too comfortable to not show his companion the images within his confined mind.

 

A smile stretched across his face; he hoped that would direct the younger male's attention away from his eyes.

 

"How was the fabric? Got anything new?" Yuu asked with a forced tone of curiosity. But he quickly decide that he was not being convincing enough, and changed the tone into one that was surprisingly genuine.

 

"Was it Darcy again that you met?" asked he, the smile no longer plastered on his pale face, and his brows slightly furrowed, the jealousy apparent.

[StainedCrimson]

Lyall frowns at Yuu and pokes him roughly in the side. "Don't feign interest if it really doesn't interest you just to spare my feelings. I can tell it bores you when I talk about it." He huffs feeling only slightly hurt, but not really surprised that the other had droned him out when he'd started talking about his fabrics. In fact, he's not sure if he'd be more stunned if the other suddenly took an avid interest in Lyall's trade or if his friend suddenly decided to become a monk.

 

He snickers to himself. There's a sight, Yuu as a monk... The mere thought is laughable. Still, he tries to pay attention and answer the few questions the other managed to chalk up. "The fabric is of fine material, but not quite what I'm looking for. I did get some interesting new blends and colors though. Maybe you'll let me test them out on you." He teases tugging on Yuu's shirt with a mock look of derision at his friend's clothes. Truthfully he'd use the excuse to see the other naked before him if only once so he can see and memorize his form at least once.

 

"Darcy? Whatever does he have to do with things? If he's there it's because he has interest in my wares and trade or something to trade me. He's a decent friend and trading partner." He huffs not understanding why the other is getting so worked up over.

[UndertheWeather]

Yuu was surprised when Lyall joked about making him an outfit. In the years since Lyall embarked on a journey across the world of fabric and design and clothes-making, never once had he ever made Yuu anything; not even offered him to make one for a cost that most likely he could easily pay for. He had seen Lyall's work, and he was very impressed. But he never asked. And so then it might be his own doing that he had always felt somewhat a little less special to Lyall.

 

An eyebrow rose; the expression sitting on his face was one that was earnest. The thought that it was a mere joke did not cross his mind at the time. He was way too surprised for that.

 

"I would be very pleased to have one of your beautiful pieces in my dull wardrobe," smiled Yuu. His hand reached out, brushing lightly past the pink cheek, and tucked a loose strand of dark hair behind Lyall's ear.

 

For a moment, he felt good. But speaking of Darcy always makes him burn inside.

 

"Do you not notice that he is always there when you are there?" asked Yuu, another ridge formed across his forehead. Probably there was nothing going on behind that thick skull of Darcy, but he could not be sure, and would not be way too unattentive to such details - it was true, though, that Darcy was always there when Lyall was there. But then again Yuu was not with Lyall most of the time. But people told him stuff, and of course he was more inclined to believe in such information. On top of that, there had been rumours going on about Darcy and long, dark hair.

 

A shiver ran down his spine as a gruesome image involuntarily appeared in his mind - an image of him with his unsheathed sword in his hand, and a bloody body that had once been known as Darcy at his feet.

[StainedCrimson]

Lyall starts, jolting up to look down at Yuu wide-eyed as a blush burns up his neck. "R-really? You'd want one of my outfits Yuu?" He asks not having expected the other to actually take him up on it, or even want to wear his outfits since he's only just started on his own not so long ago. He knows he has much to learn and knows his work isn't of high quality. Not yet anyway.

 

Still, he can feel the large smile and flush working its way across his face in pleasure and from having the person he admires and secretly yearns for showing interest in wearing his work. It makes him think of the other being marked as his in a way that would let everyone know he belongs to Lyall and Lyall only. The mere thought sends an excited and aroused shiver through him.

 

When the other starts getting angry and irritated though, Lyall pushes back and frowns down at him. "It's not like I go out of my way to invite him or even talk to the guy. But I'm not going to be rude to one of the few people who can potentially keep me from getting my business on my feet. Or at least hinder me so it takes a lot longer and more effort than needed. You of all people know how much it means to me to have my own business doing what I want." Try as he might some of his hurt and confusion at the other's actions seep through in his voice even as he shoves himself up to his feet and averts his gaze.

 

"...Maybe we should keep the lessons until another time." He says softly picking up his bag. He gives Yuu a weak forced smile as if now uncertain about something. Mostly he's uncertain as to why his friend is suddenly so angry with him and if maybe the faint hope he holds that the other will return his feelings should be allowed to die instead of left alive.

[UndertheWeather]

Yuu propped himself up on one elbow. It was clear to him that Lyall was hurt by what he said, but...but he was not certain Lyall understood where he was coming from. Yet, he was not quite so sure as he would like to be the extent to which he understood his own feelings. He knew he was irritated; he disliked Darcy - that was for certain - and he disliked him because the thought of the man stirred a wave of jealousy within him. But now that he was confronted with it, he was not quite as sure as before if he was angry at the fact that Lyall was spending way too much time with Darcy, or that Lyall had found something more interesting than him. Or perhaps both?

 

There was no way he could feel sensitive of Lyall's situation or feelings at that moment; his mind was blurred by annoyance, jealousy, and a sense of abandonment. Like a child, he felt that Lyall no longer enjoyed his company.

 

His bright blue eyes, glowing with irritation, were locked on Lyall's face, and his mind was racing in his head with the gazillion choice of routes that he could take in dealing with the current situation - some of which his emotions made him more incline to choose. Driven by his sour mood, his reaction came as quick as lightning. Yuu got to his feet at once, and took hold of Lyall's wrist in a tight grip, threatening to crumble the bones into dust. His brows were furrowed; an ill-intended spark burning in his eyes.

 

"Are you going back there?" he hissed.

[StainedCrimson]

Lyall draws back at the look on Yuu's face as well as the sudden grip on his wrist. He winces feeling his bones grinding against each other in the bruising grip making him pull reflexively to try and free it. "Yuu! Stop it! What's wrong with you?" He snaps yanking his wrist free, then pulling it close to rub it while keeping a slightly wide-eyed and wary gaze on Yuu. He's shocked and confused by his friends actions.

 

"If you must know where I'm going, though I've no idea why you care, if you're not going to teach me swordplay then I have orders and shipments to take care of. Afterall, it's not like I have anyone to help me grow my business." His mouth twists while his gaze finally drops. His father doesn't care and is too busy with his own endeavors, his mother is sick and not thought to have much longer, and he has no siblings. "I have no idea why you're so focused on Darcy anyway. If you want to spend time with him that much then go talk to him yourself. Or if you find my company irritating then just say so and I'll leave you alone. You don't have to nearly break my wrist to make your point." He says softly, the tone a mixture of hurt, bitterness and confusion.

[UndertheWeather]

Lyall's wrist left his grip in a quick tug; the action made Yuu feel impotent, and a sensation of powerlessness enveloped his heart. But anger soon took over - anger at his own perception of Lyall's lack of understanding.

 

"No one's interested in Darcy but you!" he barked. There were mixed intentions in his statement, all of which, however, was ill-intended. He had hoped that it would offend Lyall, and if it did not - that if Lyall was actually interested in the man - it would hurt himself like a blunt knife driven into his chest with sheer force. Even then, blurting out the statement itself, without the intentions that drove its existence, left a bad taste in his mouth. He hated saying it, but he had to. At that moment, his mind was clouded by a strong urge to hurt Lyall, both psychologically and physically...

 

"Business, business, business!" he hissed, "Is that all you care about? Is that the only thing that your small mind can think of?" His pupils were constricted, and his countenance dark. "Well, apart from Darcy," he sneered.

 

Yuu stepped forward, closer to the younger male.

 

His eyes were slightly hidden behind his long fringe, and he was still wearing the same facial expression. But his tone had changed; there was a hint - no, a glaringly obvious note of insulting mockery.

 

"Isn't it way too early to leave, Lyall dear?"

 

In one smooth motion, his hand found its way to Lyall's shoulder; the grip was not as strong as before, but it was firm enough to make it apparent that if he wished to be more physical, he would.

 

"We both know that we are not here for just swordplay..."

 

The bright blue eyes glint under the blazing sun.

[StainedCrimson]

Lyall just stares at Yuu confused, hurt and lost. He fights back the wave of helplessness and tears threatening to appear and fall. One such as him isn't allowed to cry after all, his father made sure he understood that early on.

 

"I'm not interested in Darcy!" He yells out shoving Yuu back with both hands before clenching them into fists staring at the other, the hurt and confusion now plainly visible on his face. "You're the one who constantly asks about Darcy and if he was around... 'Darcy this' and 'Darcy that'... Every time we get together lately you've asked about Darcy, not me!" He yells, the pent up jealousy and hurt at his perception that his long time crush feeling interested in another finally makes a brief appearance.

 

"And if I'm so small minded then I won't trouble you with my petty problems or interests any longer." He whispers out turning away. The hand on his shoulder, which normally made him fee warm, safe and wanted, now only makes the hurt and confusion grow more and so he recoils from it. Sadly he looks up at Yuu and just shakes his head. "No, I guess 'we' weren't." He replies before turning and rushing off to the street and away from the person who for the longest time had been his source of comfort and pillar of strength. Now Lyall feels nothing but a storm of confusion, hurt, and anguish having no idea what caused his friend to lash out at him so. Gritting his teeth a tear falls as he dashes for his father's house.

[UndertheWeather]

His hands trembled by his sides as he silently watched Lyall darted across the clearing in the direction of the path that he had taken just minutes ago. Yuu knew he was heading for the street; spitefully he hoped that Lyall was heading to Darcy's to seek comfort from the wound that he had given.

 

In silence, he cursed himself. With all the strength that he could muster, Yuu drove his fist into a nearby tree sending a rain of leaves pouring down onto his sorry being. The skin on his knuckle was badly torn, and blood was oozing from every split, but his hand felt no pain and his brain registered not a single sensation; he was numb, he was deaf, he was blind. Only the blazing hatred for himself he was aware of.

 

Maybe he should apologize to Lyall. He would say that he was sorry, and that he did not mean what he said, and he only said that because...he was jealous...because he...loved him...No, he could not possibly say that to Lyall. He could not possibly show him his heart.

 

The knot in his throat tightened, and for the first time in years, he felt the pressure around his eyes. Yuu gulped. And took a deep breath. What could his one-sided love do anyway?

 

He retrieved his sword, and slowly made his way back towards the inn. Time would bring them back together, like it had in the course of their friendship. But Yuu knew that the arguments and the fights that they had in the past had not been as fiery as the present situation; he had not been so much of a pain, nor had he lost his cool completely - everything about what just happened was out of the ordinary. Time might not be able to mend the yarn that tied them together, and for that matter, time might let loose that yarn as they drift further and further away.

 

Yuu sighed.

 

---

 

Night had fallen like a black curtain when Yuu finally marshalled some courage and left the inn. Pride, he had decided, was second to friendship, though he knew very well that it was not friendship that he was thinking of. He hated the mess in his mind. Pride, then, was second to Lyall. That was it. He was not going to entertain his feelings.

 

Yuu headed for the home of Lyall's father; there were times in the near past where he would go searching for Lyall after a quarrel only to find him at his father's place. It was not to his liking to have anyone else around at times like these, but what could he do? Tell Lyall not to do that? Break him even more than he already did?

 

He sighed.

 

He knocked on the door, and waited.

 

The hours since the incident had been spent to calm himself down; none were spared to think of what he should say or do when the confrontation happened. The only thing that he hoped for was that Lyall had calmed down as much as he had, and perhaps they could then work things out together. He would definitely apologise for his behaviour and lack of respect, and childishness...

 

The wait at the door was killing him. How long had it been? 5 seconds? 10? 30? Time felt like it had stopped.

 

Again, he knocked.

[StainedCrimson]

After the fight he'd fled to his father's house as Yuu had thought, but only stayed for a time feeling to upset and restless to stay and listen to his father's lectures or scorn about the area he'd gone into on his own. His father constantly mocks him for working with fabrics and outfits, and the worst of it he's never told his dearest friend. The words cut him too deeply and he'd rather forget them sooner than not. And he knows Yuu wouldn't take too kindly to what the older man would say, and as much as the words anger and hurt him, Lyall has no desire to see his friend and father clash over it. Afterall, of the two Yuu would get the worst end of it.

 

As he slips back out of the house to his own get away that even Yuu doesn't know about, though it's no great secret to the servant who caters to him, it stays a secret from all others. It's just a small tucked away forgotten building that he'd worked to fix and make acceptable to work on his designs in peace. The small two and a half room building is covered in bolts of fabrics along with bits of cut fabrics haphazardly scattered, have sewn outfits, a few completed ones on various racks, needles, pins, measuring tools and all else scattered over a working table along with lanterns having candles in various states of use. The smallest room showing a mess of blankets and pillows with a few bits of clothes showing that's where the young man crashes when he finally collapses. Well, assuming he makes it that far.

 

It is also in this small hut that he has the outfits he's made Yuu tucked away. Going over to a tucked away closet, he opens the door to stare at the few outfits in it. These are his pride and joy as they're the ones he's put the most time and effort in to make sure they're just right. Absently he reaches out with a hand to stroke one of the sleeves. A suffocating feeling rises as he looks over the outfit he made to include Yuu's favorite color in a way that would also include shades to make his friends eyes really stand out. Those eyes that have always been so warm and smiling at him before, until today that is. With a shaky breath he jerks away and slams the door closed to instead bury himself in making something new so as to try and forget earlier ever took place.

 

----------------------------------------------------------------

 

Come night time he's still nose deep in measuring, cutting, and pining fabrics in place for stitching. By this time he's stopped only to light candles and shed his outer shirt as he starts to heat up. The servant, who's really been more like an uncle to him, has brought food which has remained untouched and the tea gone cold by the time Yuu knocks on the door.

 

After the second knock the servant opens the door to see just who could be visiting at so late an hour. Certainly no one to see the master of the house, who is nearly passed out from the amount of drink he's consumed, and he's not sure who would be to see the young master. He wasn't expecting Yuu to make an appearance until the next day, if not the young master going over to his friend's, as that is the only person who could get Lyall so worked up and upset.

 

Remembering just how upset Lyall had been this time around makes him recall the thought that something more serious must have happened, especially if Yuu was willing to put aside his pride to come and visit. Still, this man had seriously upset the young man he's come to feel protective of as if he were his own and so regards the other coolly. "Master Yuu. What brings you here at such an hour?"

[UndertheWeather]

His knuckle was held just inches away from the wooden door, ready to knock yet another time, when it swung opened, and the familiar face of an older man greeted him. Yuu retrieved his hand to his side, and shifted his weight from one foot to another. A sense of discomfort stirred within him; in his preoccupation over the previous incident, he had apparently forgotten that Lyall's father was not the only other person who might be in his way. His fingers traced the delicate carvings on the sheath of his sword, his mind racing against time, attempting to evaluate his current position, and reconsider his plans.

 

Biting his lips, Yuu politely asked, "Lyall. Is Lyall here?"

 

Anger and violence were not options to get to Lyall, at least not with the older servant. Yuu knew of the fatherly attachment that he had over the younger male, and being one who was much older than Lyall himself, he knew how being protective one can be. And besides, over the years of knowing him, Yuu had developed a sense of respect towards the servant - a mutual one he hoped.

 

Yuu did not know what he might do if the older servant refused him entrance, or if Lyall was not around, decline to tell him where he was. He knew he would be frustrated; being sent home empty-handed was much worse than putting aside his pride to seek Lyall - he would be extremely embarrassed. And yet again, he knew that he would not be able to resort to anything uncivilised with this man.

 

Inwardly, he sighed. His brows furrowed slightly as he searched the man's face for understanding.

[StainedCrimson]

The man steadily studies the other as if looking for something before slowly replying. "The young master is currently occupied and doesn't like to be disturbed during his activities. So unless this is more than a mere social call, I'm afraid that I'm unwilling to further upset him by interrupting." His voice remains pleasantly polite, but his eyes show that he knows the other is responsible for Lyall being upset and as such is going to make him work for the right to get in.

 

Even though Yuu is younger and more skilled with a blade, he knows there is no fear of the other trying to force his way in as the male cares for Lyall far too much to risk alienating him by attacking the almost grandfather-like person in his life. Also, the man is smart enough to know the consequences of such actions. That and there was indeed a mutual respect between the two of them, but respect only goes so far when the wellbeing and affection towards his young charge are concerned.

[UndertheWeather]

The statement made Yuu cringe internally; he wished that the old servant was more forgiving having seen him dragged himself all the way so late into the night just to make up with his young master. But he understood his position, and if he were the old man, he would do that same thing too...Would he? Yuu felt his chest tightened, and the soft tingling of doubt creeping back into his disturbed mind. Should he go the distance for Lyall? Is it worth his time, effort, and pride? He gulped. Is it?

 

His head was slightly tilted so that the fringe of his dual-coloured hair fell upon his eyes, obstructing his gaze that was upon the intricate veins of the wooden door; he must avoid any eye contact with the old man at all cost - he could not afford to reveal his doubt to the old man for it will surely make his struggle the harder.

 

Yuu let out a sigh, and lifted his head from the momentary process of concealing his true feelings. Under the moonlight, his face now held an expression of hurt and regret. With a weak smile, he said, "I'm sure you know that this is more than a mere social call. I need to see Lyall. I need to talk to him..."

 

The corners of his lips stretched slightly as he attempted to draw a broad smile across his face.

 

"Please tell me where he is..." said Yuu dejectedly.

[StainedCrimson]

The man waits and watches knowing exactly what it is the other is trying to hide from him. While he can't say it pleases him to see the other having to weigh whether or not his young master is worth some pride and extra effort, he's willing to allow the lapse pass since Yuu came to the only acceptable response. That and a friendship this long is worth risking his young mater's brief flash of anger at having giving his special place away.

 

After making Yuu wait a good few long moments to make him wallow in his suffering and uncertainty a bit longer, he gives a slow nod. "Very well. However, know that I do not break my young master's confidence lightly. Outside of myself you will be the only other person to have visited this place. Follow me." Turning he doesn't wait for Yuu as he leads the way through the house and past what most think of as the family's estate lines for the house. Well, those who only see the neatly kept landscaping that is. Everyone knows that the actual property is of good proportion, just not all of it tamed.

 

Leading the way on a barely visible path he eventually stops at the tucked away workshop Lyall is currently holed up in as is in evidence by the candle light and small fire burning inside to give light and warmth. While the one residing isn't readily seen as the minuscule window shows only the corner fire place, the shadow of a person working. Stopping the man faces Yuu and gives him another long look over. "I've brought you to him and now the rest is up to you. Make my breach of his trust and confidence worth it." Are his only words as he turns to vanish back into the brush, leaving Yuu standing all on his own free to either leave and have Lyall none the wiser, or push through and see the young man.

[UndertheWeather]

Time passes on as Yuu waits for the old man to respond to his plea; the burden of uncertainty and the possibility of a rejection weighs on his shoulders like bags of sand, forcing his tall, straight figure into one that is slightly hunched. He knows that the old man is a reasonable person, and yet being reasonable does also mean that he might not be granted entrance.

 

When the old man finally decides to take his misery away, Yuu sighs in relief and gladness. With quick steps, he tails the servant through the house, not batting an eyelid at the expensive ornaments and valuables, and the large expanse of properties; his mind is lost in thoughts of what might be waiting for him ahead in time. Is using the element of surprise a good idea? But then, even if he does not intentionally incorporate it into his plan, it will be part of his plan; Lyall, he is certain, is not expecting his presence.

 

Just a distance from the secluded workshop, the old servant leaves Yuu only with words that he will never forget. There is no words that he can think of to match the value of what the man had given him. All he said in return is, "Thank you." with a warm, genuine smile.

 

As the figure of the old servant dissolves into the distant darkness, Yuu approaches the small window and takes a peek into the sacred place that he has never seen. His chest tightens as he became aware of the fact that this is Lyall's secret, and what else is there that the man he desires is keeping from him? Not romantic feelings for anyone else but him, he hopes. Doubt begins to creep back into his muddled mind, but this time it is not driven by anger. If Lyall chose to keep this place a secret from him, will it anger him that he is now here, and the secret is no longer a secret? Is he [Yuu] entitled to stripping away the things that are important to the man he loves? No, of course he is not. And if he knocks on the door and invites himself into the workshop, will Lyall hate him more than he already did?

 

Sadness begins to pool in his heavy heart. But the old servant...

 

Yuu walks over to the front of the workshop where he raises his knuckle to knock on the door. But just inches from it, he stops. The muscles of his throat contract around his windpipe, threatening to suffocate him. His fingers trace the intricate carvings on the sheath of his sword, once, twice, three times, and again, and again. Whatever should he do?

 

He let out a sigh. Mustering all the strength that is left in him, he raps the door. A brief pause. Should he say that it is him at the door? No, that would be stupid. He is sure that Lyall recognizes his voice. Should he make his presence known at all before the door is opened? What if he [Lyall] goes and lock the door knowing that he is the person at the door? But he [Yuu] has principles...He is not going to walk in on anyone's properties without consent.

 

And he calls out in a gentle voice, "Lyall. Can we talk, please?"

[StainedCrimson]

During the entire exchange with the servant Lyall has measured, cut, pinned and started to sew pieces of fabric together in a fearful singular focus. So deeply entrenched is he, that while he unconsciously registers the knock, he thinks nothing of it until the voice of the one person he hadn't expected to hear penetrates the wall of focus. Feeling it shatter as he finally realizes who the owner of the voice is, since sometimes the servant will knock and call out just to make sure he doesn't startle him [Lyall], that very thing happens from the muffled voice causing his arm to jerk making the shears cut a much larger hole than intended.

 

"Ah! Damn it all!!" He yells seeing what's been done, almost causing him to forget what caused the damage. He glares down at the hole for a moment before reality slams back into him and reminds him that Yuu is at the door of a place he couldn't possibly know about. That makes him freeze as panic, confusion and anger over the other's presence clash in him. Feeling himself starting to hyperventilate he forces himself to take deep breathes and calm down while wondering why Yuu is there and how he got the servant to show him this place.

 

Hesitantly he goes to the door, absently stepping over the mounds of fabrics on the floor. Reaching out to open the door his hand seems to hesitate and pull back numerous times on its own accord as if uncertain as to whether or not it wants to see if what he heard is really true. Finally, he straightens his back before forcing himself to grab the handle and open the door open slightly. Peering up at the other, his [Lyall's] gaze focuses on Yuu's face containing a mixture of wariness, confusion and uncertainty. "What are you doing here?" He asks softly through slightly narrowed eyes as he peers through the crack in the open door.

[UndertheWeather]

The weight of the wait settled upon his tired shoulders. Yuu nervously eyed the intricate veins of the wooden door, his fingers digging into his palm as he waited in anticipation the outcome that could go in the direction that he wished not to see. He gulped, silently listening to the rustling of fabric and equipments from within the safe space of Lyall's hideout. Did Lyall heard the knock? Should he knock again? Would he be pushing the line? And then he heard the exclamation which brought forth a deluge of gloom into his being. Yuu cringed, and his fist tightened, his fingers digging deeper into his sore flesh.

 

Whatever should he do now?

 

Just then, the wooden door parted slightly, and the face that he knew so well peered up at him through the narrow gap. There was a sudden surge of relieve. The confrontation - even though Lyall showed no sign of inviting him into the safe house - was enough to take half the weight off his shoulders for the distance and his yearning for his companion were the two things that had been bothering him. Yet, his heart was heavy, and restlessness stirred within his disturbed soul.

 

A sigh escaped his pink lips, "I'm here to speak with you, Lyall."

 

Yuu paused for a second, collecting his thoughts. For reasons beyond his comprehension, he felt a desire to push in. Perhaps he was being impatient. Perhaps he could no longer wait.

 

"About what happened this morning," said he. Yuu stepped forward closer to the door, without revealing much of the conversation that he intended to have - not that he had anything planned out at the moment - in the hopes that Lyall would let him in.

[StainedCrimson]

Visibly stiffening at the reminder, even as his gaze shifts to the side, he stands his ground. "What about this morning? Have you come to yell at me more and accuse me of things I haven't done or even know what you're talking about?" Voice stiff and wounded as the jaw clenches trying to keep from looking at the man who hurt him so much earlier.

 

"In any event, I'm not sure there's much to say about it right now. You made it pretty clear what kind of person you must think I am. Even if you didn't mean it, I'm not sure I'm ready to talk to you right now." He manages swallowing hard as the feelings resurface.

 

Stepping back, he makes move to close the door. "I have some work left to do. Actually a lot since I have to start from scratch on a piece. If you'll excuse me..." His gaze still averted he takes another step back to close the door even as his heart clenches at the thought of shutting the door on the man who's been his best friend and one-sided crush for so long. Still, the wounds from earlier that day are still stinging. So the hurt feelings and pride are conflicting with affection he has for the other which is just making him confused, frustrated, and uncertain.

[UndertheWeather]

Yuu shifted his weight from one foot to another, his fingers furiously tracing the intricate carvings of the sheath. Sitting behind the dual-coloured fringe, his bright blue eyes scrutinized Lyall's face as he spoke. He figured that the younger male was still upset over the event that took place earlier in the day, and he was not quite too certain what he could say or do to stop Lyall from spouting all those words that he wished not to hear. He had come all the way here to make it up to him [Lyall] and yet here he was, treated harshly and have the already difficult situation made even more difficult.

 

Impatience began to boil within, and when Lyall motioned to close the door, in one quick movement of his arm, Yuu pushed open the door, not giving second thoughts to whether his actions might hurt Lyall physically. Blue flames began to burn in his eyes, but for a second, his senses returned and the thought of hurting the male whom he treasured so much came crashing down on his being, settling a sensation of gloom within the empty space that was left by the ventilation of his anger.

 

"Lyall," he started, the corner of his eyes drooping, "I'm sorry for what I said earlier on. I need to talk to you. We need to get this sorted out." As he spoke, Yuu walked into the workshop uninvited, and reached out to grab on Lyall's arm.

[StainedCrimson]

Lyall is stunned and startled by Yuu's initial burst so he unconsciously steps back enough to let him in the door. Quickly he gathers himself up and stands firm not letting the other in any further, not that there's much use in trying to hide things anyway with how small the space is. Still, it's his place and no matter how much he care for Yuu, the other has no right to just barge in and act as if it's his right.

 

Eyes starting to glow with a burn of a growing rage, jaw clenched and back straight, the near intruded [Yuu] is stared down as his arm shifts enough for the grab to miss. "Then talk but don't act as if you have the right to barge into my sanctuary uninvited and expect me to welcome you warmly for it. Especially after what happened this morning." The words come out short and crisp, a glimpse into the future man he'll become when fighting for his own independence and place in the world. Though only towards those who would stand in his way or cause him harm.

 

Staring boldly without the warmth or eagerness he'd shown the other this morning before their fight, he [Lyall] has a look of someone prepared to be knocked down but not easily or without taking someone down with him. Still, a part of him wonders if maybe Yuu really means it and isn't looking to finally cut free of the younger male who can't have been more than burden to him all these years. Maybe, just maybe, Yuu has come to say that he feels the same way as Lyall and that he wants to be with him his [Lyall's] mind whispers giving life to the all but dead spark of hope.

 

"Well? You said you wanted to talk and forced your way in. Start talking then." Even as he tries to be detached and cool, the weariness and fear can faintly be heard in his voice even as his shoulders droop ever so slightly. Hunching slightly as if expecting another blow, whether verbal or physical, he waits for the older male to start talking.

[UndertheWeather]

Yuu felt himself cringed when Lyall avoided his touch; he had never felt so rejected in the long years that they had spent with one another. Somehow he felt unfairly treated, yet at the moment he could not muster enough resentment to be angry at the young male whose expressions and words at the same time softened his heart and hurt his soul. He was overwhelmed with mixed feelings, confused by the desire to be loved, and to be angry.

 

"Lyall, dear," started Yuu, the corners of his lips stretched a little downwards, "What happened this morning..." His voice trailed off as his mind caught on the image of the earlier event, but his feelings were different from one that he experienced then. Yuu let out a sigh. He had no idea if he should let known his feelings, or if it was the right time, the right situation, the right thing to say. For all he know, Lyall would be disgusted by him, and the situation would be made worse by his confession. His now-dim blue eyes searched Lyall's face for a hint, for help with his confusion, but all he found was a fierce look of irritation, and the detachment that he had never seen in Lyall since their first interaction - at least one that was never directed towards him. He did sense weariness and fear in Lyall's voice, but he could not make out whether it was from a desire to make up with him already, or just plain sick and tired of his actions and existence. All at once, his heart was ripped apart by all the thoughts that were swirling in his mind like a hurricane. Yuu let out a sigh, feeling more dejected than ever.

 

"You see, what happened this morning was..." he started again with a wavering voice, "...a mistake. I-I didn't mean to say whatever I did. I was just..." His mind snapped, wondering if he should say that he was jealous that Lyall was close to Darcy, and that his anger and actions were only because he loved him...

 

"Well, I was just..." he continued, "...tired from all the mess that has been happening with the inn."

 

While it was true that the inn was not working out very well at the moment, Yuu was not affected by it to the extent that he claimed it to be; he was well-known for his adaptability and ability to handle work stress. He was uncertain whether Lyall would buy his explanation, or what might come of it. His fingers were crossed by his side, hoping against hope that Lyall would at least give in. His heart was already torn to pieces, and he was not sure he could take any more beatings from the man he loved so dearly.