Boku no Koto...Omoidasu.

[Saga]

TITLE ► Boku no Koto...Omoidasu.

STATUS ► Ongoing

TYPE ► Series (Main story of Inochi Darou Ga.)

WARNING ► Angst, Psychological

GENRE ► Undecided yet...

AUTHOR NOTE ► I started it unexpectedly. Seems good stories start this way, heh. I said in the prequel that one of the characters is actually a model of myself, but also other characters shall be models of people I know. Hehe.

SUMMARY ► ***

"When you're weak act as strong, when strong pretend to be weak" -- Sun Tzu.

Humans acting as monsters, and monsters acting as humans. And just when one thinks there is nothing more to lose, there will be always the prove-you-wrong law. Nishida lives in a paradoxical world and follows the paradoxical rules; he himself is a paradoxical character. But never he would have thought that 'paradox' isn't always applicable.

 

---

---

 

CHAPTER 01

SNOW DURING SUMMER

Brown eyes with golden rings melting inside the caramelized color gazed up the monotonous sea-color sky. Only a few torn apart, white clouds wandered like lost souls on the blue canvass. It was the early hours of the Friday's morning. The weather was fair, just like he liked it - neither warm or cold. With his head guided behind from strong forearms, Nishida lied down on the green field. The location was nearby the local river, pretty famous with its rosa iceberg summer, white flowers. One of the most fragrant summer flowers known in the area. Dark strands of hair played with by the soft morning breeze, it could be said he felt pretty relaxed. Just before eyelids fell like curtains over window to relax along, the shift of the wind made him frown. Scattered white petals flew over the fields, some even sank into the crystal river.

 

Ah...

 

His eyes eased into the far, before the light turned into darkness and the sky was seen no more. Nishida stayed idle, one could think he was asleep. But it wasn't far from the truth, just that his brain never stopped working - more likely, his memories.

 

***

 

Exhaled smoke from four or five pair of velvet lips, the city noise made it impossible to follow the words but the laughter was obvious.

- What is the next subject?

- Beats me. I think it's maths.

- Bleh - in union, the teens agreed except one.

- How about we ditch?

- As if, it's Kitanara-sensei, I don't need more troubles, you know..

- Tsk... - a short pause, the rumble of the crowd made the silence filled, - ..Oh! Nishida, isn't this your kouhai?

Brown eyes bored their gaze into the far, then averted back to the buddy-buddy-circle-like.

- I suppose.

- Man. He is like your shadow or something?

- ...Er?

- Just saying, you've got quite some stalkers. - a hand reached to ruffle Nishida's hair.

- I suppose. - his voice was barely audible, but still heard.

 

Once the younger boy reached the groupie, Nishida was barely paying attention but still was greeted.

- Nishida-senpai!! - he waved with excitement, probably a few steps kept him away from hugging Nishida.

- Ah... - the brown eyed high school student rose his chin, not even affording to greet by name.

- How are you, Nishida-senpai? - just like a puppy, the younger boy clasped hands together, smiling brightly in between the circle of ...bullies.

- I suppose good. - a short pause which felt like a torture, seemed like he had to return the favor - ...How about you?

The young boy got visibly happy to be asked even such a simple question,

- I am good!! Ah! The bell!! - he rushed but then stopped and turned around - See you later, Nishida-senpai!!

- Yeah, see ya'.. - would have been more energetic if it wasn't for his always-distracted-attitude, which showed with no delay. Nishida was just about to fix his shoe.

 

Once the boy headed for the school entrance, the comments weren't held back.

- Geez, so energetic. Some people really don't know when they are unneeded, huh. - Daiichi Manou

- Well, you can't blame the ignorant, ahahaha. - Nara Kiseki

- Surely. But say, he surely has the guts to bother us, don't you think? - Tora Minechi

- Guts? More like he is just seeking attention. What better than being around the bullies of the school? - Riko Satamoto

- ...

- Say Nishida, we are welcoming some newbies in the area this afternoon, are you in for it? - Daiichi turned to their leader with a big grin, just to meet Nishida's dull eyes.

- Gonna skip.

- Oh man, you always say that. Come on, it's really fun!

- Yeah, come on. It's been awhile since you tagged along!

- He is in, he is! - Tora jumped onto Nishida as if trying to tackle the rather tall man, but ended up hanging onto the fence behind, - Oh, come on, dude!

- So noisy...

 

A hop of arm over his and Daiichi leaned his body weight onto Nishida,

- You asshole, not getting away. We are ditching now, it's decided!

The boys looked pretty excited. The day was spent on random streets and clubs, until the evening fell over the city. The groupie finally found each of one's separate paths with their settled in advance plans, as for Nishida, he never had plans. Just with the flow.

- See ya' tomorrow, dudes!

- Yeh, see ya'!

- Oh, don't forget to call Katou!! You hear meh!!?

- Yeah, yeah!!

- Nishida, any plans now? - Daiichi turned around with a hand jabbed into his pocket.

- Yeah.

- 'S that so? - the male chuckled and grabbed the boy next to him, Nara, - Well, we are gonna go now.

- Ossu! - Nara nodded in agreement.

- See ya', dude!

- See you...

 

With his tired eyes, he followed the backs before his eyes until they disappeared into the crowd. With a spin on heel, he turned around and headed to the quiet streets. The street lights grew dim and he got swallowed by the dark corners of the street. The night during winter was pretty much chilly and the silence was loud enough for him to notice any disturbance, as he did. Nishida paused his step and twisted lightly his torso to right. A tall and firm figure was leaning against a wall, as if by clock, waiting for the male to show up.

- Long time no see, Nishida. - despite the darkness, the whiteness of his bared teeth was enough to curve the fine grin on face.

- Himura. - the dull gaze switched, his eyes sharpened and showed ruthlessness beyond imagination, - What do you want?

- Ah, I wonder that too. Still haven't told them? - the other male rocked his back off the wall to step forth; probably expecting of Nishida to step backwards, but unfortunately - they met face to face.

- Should I?

- "I suppose" ...isn't this your favorite line, huh? - a sarcastic yet rather prideful expression formed on Himura's face; he seemed to enjoy his time with whatever he had in hands now.

- You have to choose, Nishida. Don't act as a coward. - pupils into pupils, breath against breath.

- I see.

- Hmmm? And your choice is? - a flick of brow; if demons existed that would be one of the knights.

- Isn't it obvious? - Nishida kept his eyes fastened at the other, calmly bathing into that hatred.

- Pathetic. You choose one person rather than twenty? You seriously are crooked, man. - a laughter that drummed into Nishida's ears, but the brown eyed male showed no trace of enjoyment.

- So it be, so am I. - Nishida's foot turned to side, attempting to head out of the heated situation, not bothered at all but then his arm was abruptly dragged.

- I will make you go through the same pain and loneliness, Nishida. I swear. - with an abhorring note in voice, Himura glared at the other just to meet the stretch of lips. The brown eyed male couldn't help but grin sarcastically.

- So that's all about? You want revenge, huh? - he didn't even try to jerk his arm away.

- May be. But you deserve it. Taste from what you made me taste, I surely can't wait to see you in agony, Nishida. Because of you-...

 

A sudden thud disturbed even the slight wind in between the buildings in that narrowed street. Without expecting it, Himura was slammed into the wall and if followed from aside, the strong grip belonged to Nishida. His eyes raging,

- I tell you what, Himura. You got this one, but if I meet you again, in one year or in ten years, I will annihilate you.

 

Once he released the male, to head away, the mad laughter behind his back stabbed him more than anything could have. Each 'ah' and each 'ha', it hurt for what his future held. And he knew it. That was the price of 'a choice', the future after that.

 

***

 

Brown eyes with golden rings melting inside the caramelized color slid open, his nose felt the sweet fragrance of the rosa icebreg but his mouth felt the taste of bitterness.

 

That dream again.

 

The white petals that flew over his filed of vision made him relate the winter from then to the summer in the now.

 

Shall call it, snow during summer, huh...

[yaoi4fans]

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-san

I'm happy you sequel is out cheetah5 The chapter is wonderful and the ending is brilliant cheetah7 I can't wait for mooore cheetah4

[YLover]

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Kyaaaa! This chapter is so good :hamtaro-005 (12): I hate that Himura :hamtaro-005 (14):

[Saga]

CHAPTER 2

FORGOTTEN MONDAY

6 YEARS EARLIER

The knocks on the door were too determined to be ignored. But Nishida lied down in his bed, on his board back and doing nothing but staring in the ceiling. When the phone started ringing as well, he shifted eyes to side, rustling in between his bed sheets. Normally one would be either annoyed or impatient, alas the male didn't give any sign of emotion. He sat up, not even a sigh escaped him. From outside the door he could hear his kouhai's, Katou's, Tora's and Riko's voices supported with slams and kicks against the wood.

- Nishida!

- Nishida-senpai!

- Oi, asshole!

- Ni-shi-daaa!

 

Bothered not with hurriness he rose, to drag his bare feet to the door's direction. The sportive pants were slightly loosened around his waist, probably due to weight loss. Once he opened the door, the three pairs of eyes stared intensely,

- Why not coming to school, asshole? - Katou was with a hot temper, and would never hold back what he had in mind. On other hand, his kouhai, Shima, would always show worry on face once he saw his senpai with the plain color of gold in eyes.

- Are you sick, senpai?

- Sick, my ass. Dress up and we are going out. - Riko was another hot temper but never questioned Nishida's doings. Probably this was why Nishida was so fond of Riko. After all, he chose one person out of twenty. And that person was Riko.

- So noisy...

- Come on, dude. You need fresh air. You haven't gone out for a whole week.

- Kitanara-sensei asked about you. We told him you are sick.

- Eh!? Kitanara-sensei was worried? - Shima blinked in a surprise.

- Of course. Kitanara-sensei favorites Nishida! - Tora laughed and ruffled Nishida's hair, - He might be the bully leader but teachers love him, hehehe!

- Woooah! - Shima looked over the pale Nishida with admiration, just to see how the boy raised hand to brush off the hand for first time.

- Nishida?

- I am not in mood. - with his ever so monotonous voice he turned around but then Riko grabbed him by the shoulder for a pull.

 

The back of his hit the wall from aside, just to be startled at these filled with anger black eyes of Riko.

- Are you upset because Daiichi left? Stop mourning, asshole! You will lose what you have now, if you keep your head in the past! Daiichi is gone, don't bother anymore!

The brown eyes that day had an unusual paleness, golden paleness. Nishida averted his pupils to side, silence decorating his lips.

- Is that so? You will leave us? Fine! Suit yourself, jerk! - fast on words, Riko dashed to the stairs, leaving Nishida speechless to the wall.

.

.

.

- Nishida-senp-...

- So noisy.. - his voice took a darker pitch and glanced over the rest of the males, - Get lost.

 

***

 

I never wished to say such words, and I always thought I could manage the words that left my lips. Alas, we humans have another error - speaking without thinking. It's been six years now and I still hold onto the past, Riko. I wish it was so easy to dash the stairs as you did, but I can't.

 

The plastic coffee cup touched his lips as he sat alone in a very busy cafe-bar. Nishida Murasame, a successful crime psychologist in his twenties. Currently single but with a fair sense of "love", well, what he called love was a simple temporary attraction.

 

What a lonely Monday...

His eyes bored into the background of his, the surrounding ever so busy. People working, people sighing, people being unhappy. His hand gently played with the cup base, turning it with slides against the table surface but never actually making a full circle-slide.

 

In the past I studied humans, observed them. I always tested and experimented with their reactions. Now I simply apply what I learned, but somehow the way of understanding humans is only one - being through the same kind of ache. You might learn humans, but it doesn't mean you understand humans.

 

A woman entered the coffee to pass by the male who sat by the bar. He was calmly reading his newspaper,as for her, she seemed to be the bartender.

 

Take for example this situation. If they were truly strangers, she wouldn't pass by him in such a close distance. Unless, she is a real flirt, or she slept with him. But it's not the case. A flirtious woman would never pick a sportive pair of pants to work with.

 

He glanced down his cup with a faint smile.

 

Darted down to two.

Either they slept or they know each other for a long time. The male is too close to the bar-lift door. And if they slept together, he wouldn't really read the sport newspaper with such an ease, unless he is the calm type. But a calm type wouldn't frown at the news that, probably, their favorite team lost. Not when around a girl they slept with once or want to sleep with. Consdering the age...

 

His eyes glanced up.

 

Darted down to two more.

Father or the boss?

 

A second later, the girl leaned agaisnt the bar to smile,

- Dad, you should go. I will take over this shift, okay?

 

Eh, damn. So it was both.

 

Nishida chuckled inwardy, reaching to leave the cash on the table. It was one of these Mondays when he sank in his own world. Even genius had the need to practice, or at least, enjoy what they had alone - a gift. But a gift could always turn into a curse.

 

The tall male rose from his seat, heading out. It was time to work. The current subject he had to deal with was named before hand, Shira Munekawa.

[Justme]

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-sama I like so much this fiction and it's so interesting :hamtaro-005 (1): Waiting for the next :hamtaro-005 (8):

[Saga]

CHAPTER 3

MOTION

 

Murmur felt like was the speech of the male that guided Nishida into the prison back wing. The psychologist didn't even bother listening to the countless bullshit; what he needed surrounded him. Not like he expected luxury from the prison, but the back wing wasn't a place where a human being could be even kept for more than one day. Murasame cut the male and asked, which actually gave away how uninterested he was.

- Since when the subject is kept in this wing?

- ..Eh? Ah...Well, it's been like four or five days now?

 

Then it means two things. Either he is broken by now, which is normal or he endured, which questions his mind state. Hm..

 

Once they reached the end of the long and dark corridor, the policeman stopped Nishida,

- Sir, give me all sharp objects you carry.

- Isn't he restrained?

- He is.

- Then I see no reason to. Or could it be you suspect me in crime? I could turn you into the court for offending my reputation and image which is something essential for my business, or simply put - you ruin my business.

- Ah-..N-no..I didn't mean it this..this way, sir! The subject is actually...

- Is...actually? - Murasame leaned forth, with hand jabbed into the pants pocket, a faint lift of brow.

- Y-you...haven't read?

- Ah, that again... - Nishida straightened his back, averting chin to side to eye the door.

 

Guarded as some wild animal, huh.

 

Without a second invitation, the brown eyed male reached hand out of his pocket then forth to drop the keys into a metal bowl. The clank sounds kept going until he gave all sharp objects away, including even his pen.

 

- You have thirty minutes, sir.

- Thirty? I warm up for thirty. - visibly discontent Nishida disagreed.

- It can't be helped, sir. They give him ... calming down the temper...shots every hour. - said in a really delicate way, the policeman explained as much as he could or rather was permitted to.

- Ah. ..You drug him. - blunt as ever Murasame bored his eyes into the other male.

The silence was a reply too, then Nishida turned with his back at the other and stretched hand out,

- Well. I shall ask you to kill my patient not.

 

Once the knob was twisted the psychologist entered with a confident first step within the room, to close the door behind. The table before was empty, behind it an exhausted body barely hung it there yet still tied to the chair.

 

Well.. that's what I call a sight...

 

Silently the male made his way to the table to set his papers on top, moving his chair extremely demonstratively. But the other made no sign of life. Once he found his seat and settled his forearms on the table, he rose his chin to stare at the other.

 

Slightly long hair. Yet the edges are pretty neatly brimmed. Pale skin.. No drug can make it so pale. So it's natural, I suppose. Then again...

 

His eyes moved to the fingers, despite the bruises they looked pretty slender, the skin and the nails were well managed - pretty neatly.

 

Interesting...

 

As the time ticked and tacked, suddenly a very faint chuckle disturbed Nishida.

 

- Are you done, doctor?

 

And finally he could see the face, and their eyes met.

 

So he came to life.

 

- Done with?

- Observing, what else.

- Not even close to being done. - Nishida reached calmly for his papers to flick them open.

 

He knew the male followed his motions, but even if he didn't or acted as he didn't - it actually had no importance as for Murasame.

- September 7th, 2005. - the brown eyed male looked up to meet the light smile on Shira's lips.

- I thought you'd have a better method, doctor.

- Well, we never live up to our expectations, Mr. Munekawa. Do we?

- Depends...I suppose. - he grinned although his eyes looked so tired.

 

But had he say that line not, he wouldn't have gotten Nishida curious enough to play his game but not by his rules...was it?

[Saga]

CHAPTER 4

HOW MUCH

The first ten minutes were spent in silence, an awful silence. But Nishida was used to any kind of silence, it spoke the best parts of the thoughts and it spoke the most honest truths. And being silent wasn't because speechless, take it as part of his methods.

Every person has a different kind of silence. I've been asked and told, whether and that I, can hear the silence. How do you think? Does the silence wait for you to talk first or the silence always talks to you? And surely, each silence feels differently.

 

Murasame kept staring at the crime report papers, not reading anything in particular. The room was filled with Shira's heavy breathing. The man indeed was older than Nishida, but wasn't so old to have lung problems; seemed the drugs made it hard for him.

 

- ..Do you believe in God, doctor? - and suddenly it wavered; the silence trembled and Nishida felt it. It wasn't a question, rather a rhetorical one.

 

It always was like this. Nishida always avoided the religious topics, on work and in his private life. It wasn't that he didn't believe in God, he was sick of God. Why he had to expect something from someone, even if it was a higher form of life? It made no sense. And it always happened that he was involved in such conversations.

 

The male rose his gaze. It was a number one rule to never let the culprit get to know you. But these eyes, he saw through them. They weren't filthy, they weren't ugly. But tortured.

 

- I don't.

- You do. - Shira chucked right away.

 

Nishida on other hand pushed to side the papers with a slide with his fingertips, not looking away from these eyes.

- I thought the question was what I believe in not what I wish to believe in.

- It's pretty much the same.

- Is it?

- You don't buy a book if you won't read it... or do you, doctor?

 

I actually do...

 

Nishida thought right away but didn't answer.

 

- Are you comparing God to a book, Mr. Munekawa?

- What better comparison that this one, doctor?

 

This person...

 

- Or did you believe that God is just on the cover? Do you choose your books by the cover, doctor?

 

... is not insane.

 

Nishida stared silently, his conclusion was firm. But then again..

 

- How about you? How do you choose your books, Mr. Munekawa?

- By the end.

- You read the end?

- Eventually we all do so. Don't we? - if it wasn't for his heavy feeling in chest, he would have chuckled again but somehow he only could effort the smile.

- And how does the God book end? - Nishida moved calmly hands to clasp them together and tangle his fingers.

- Ah...this is a costly book.

- And if it's costly you don't pick to read the end?

- Everything has its price. Even one simple 'end'.

 

A sudden ache took place in Nishida's chest. How he knew that, very well actually. He saw enough ends to know how much they cost him. Visibly though, he managed a perfectly stoic expression.

 

- I take you believe in God then, Mr. Munekawa.

- Isn't it normal? Or you think that a mad man can't have beliefs?

- But don't you think believing in God automatically admits the existence of the Devil?

- Isn't it worse to believe in God not but yet live among demons?

- Are you afraid, Mr. Munekawa?

- Define fear, doctor.

- Do I really have to? - Nishida didn't back off. It has been ages since he had this kind of conversation. A conversation that fed his very being, made him feel alive. And what to believe not, it actually was because of some stated to be insane man.

 

- What you fear the most? Love, death, God, the Devil, or humans?

Nishida sharpened his eyes, what was that now. Was he the one observed or he was the observer? It felt like Munekawa switched their places; somehow Murasame felt like the one being restrained and drugged.

 

Basically...the question is misleading. But interesting is how he united all things when they are pretty much the same. God in the human, love in the human - death in the human, the Devil in the human.

 

- How interesting. - Nishida chuckled lightly as leaned back on his chair.

- Isn't it? - Munekawa grinned satisfied; both of the males seemed to understand 'that language'.

- If you know the answer, why do you ask me, Mr. Munekawa?

- I haven't seen your end yet, doctor.

- And do you want to see my end?

- Heh. How much you think your end shall cost me?

- Not much but for you is too much.

 

Munekawa rose his eyebrow, showing a very curious expression for first time in these twenty minutes that have passed.

- Poor me, in both senses.

 

He is actually funny, ahaha.

 

Inwardly Nishida was laughing at the humor Shira had, but outwardly he managed a stoic face.

- How about your end? How much shall it cost me? - returning the favor, he was rather interested in the behavior than the answer.

 

However, Munekawa's lips relaxed and his eyes eased onto Nishida. He didn't seem to be surprised at the question but yet his silence was disturbed, just like the calm before the storm.

 

Ah, did I step on the wrong stone?

 

- You don't want to see my end, doctor.

- Do I seem like I care about the end, Mr. Munekawa?

- No. But you don't seem to be satisfied with just the cover either, doctor.

 

 

The clank of the keys unlocking the door could be heard. Seemed their session ended, but Nishida wasn't satisfied yet. He gathered his papers and rose,

- True. But I haven't yet purchased you, Mr. Munekawa. September 7th, 2005 - it was the year when I wanted to become doctor and now I am a psychologist. I have many ends, but no beginnings. On that year, and on this year - how far you think I strayed from my book?

 

Nishida turned around to head for the door,

- I suggest you next time to manipulate me better into your game, because I buy books once I like the key words. And your key words are... - he glanced over shoulder with a faint stretch of lips - ...Humans and their price.

 

[Justme]

Smart conversation and the ending let me waaiting for more :hamtaro-005 (10):

[Saga]

CHAPTER 5

EYES OF TOMORROW

A faint breathing, the white smoke escaped his lips. It was November, the year forgotten. But it was November. The snow that night fell so hard but yet looked so light, just like feathers. Nishida was leaning on the balcony grill with his eyes distanced in nothing in particular, the mobile phone glued to his ear. His cheeks were slightly coloured due to the cold,and in general his body couldn't stand cold. It wasn't a psychological barrier, it was his physic. Murasame had a lower body temperature than the rest of the people, at least, the ones he knew. And yet it wasn't related to any disease, seemed his body functioned this way. But sometimes the male thought it was because his heart was so cold that it even effected his body temperature. In the end, what is physical could effect the mind as well, and vice versa.

 

The line finally was green-lit and the other part answered the phone.

 

- What do you want? - a rather low and cold tone buzzed in Nishida's ear.

- ..You've got some time? - despite the coldness coming from all around and inside him, Murasame held his voice on the calm note.

- What for?

- I want to meet up with you.

- It's late and cold, I don't feel like going out.

- I see.. - his gaze followed the fall of a snowflake and how he wished to talk face to face with that person.

 

The silence continued, as ever and ever. And he knew it would continue forever. Nishida smiled faintly, reached hand up to cover the upper half of his face. His lips trembled not but his heart began to scatter. Because he knew the answer and yet...

- Are we done with our friendship, Daiichi?

- Seems like it, Nishida.

 

His jaw line clenched, it couldn't hurt more. But it did. To think you know a certain fact and to be told you actually know it, how it doubled the pain.

 

- Is that so? Then... - he made a short pause and slightly squeezed with slender fingers against the phone, - ... Then I want you to say it again in my face.

- ... I can't.

 

The hand covering his face slid slowly down, as his half-dead gaze got exposed. The light in them was solely from the moon, not any inner spirit, just the lonely moon.

- .. Why?

- Because I am not ready yet.

 

The answer got Nishida neither up nor down, at least, he froze in his 'gray zone'. The male's eyelids eased lightly as his chin lowered down lightly. He knew that was the last time he would hear that voice and he knew he had no other chance to see that face again. The cold suddenly was a bliss. Couldn't it be a bit more colder? At least to freeze him completely. The exhaled breath spiraled upwards in a white smoke, his chest throbbed.

 

- I see. It can't be helped then. - a throb.

- I.. I wish you the best, Daiichi.. - a crack.

- In life...and with your dreams.. I wish you the best. - a warm tear, but voice never wavered.

- Thank you. Likewise, Nishida. Farewell.

 

Murasame rose his chin up, staring at the moon. Either something was awfully wrong with him or he was a fool. His lips slightly stretched in a smile, despite the pain.

- Farewell, Daiichi.

 

*******

 

- Ngah! - a sudden raise from his bed, he sat up with irregular breathing. His dull eyes were anything but dull now. There was no shaking, there were no tears, there was only this annoying throb and life sign within.

 

As long as it hurts, you are alive...was it?

 

He clenched fist, squeezing the blanket as staring at his hand. His eyes averted to side, and he calmed down. It was July. It was July, and everything was fine now. As long as there was no coldness, no winter and no snow.

 

It took him two hours longer to reach the prison today. But he seemed to care not for being late. In fact, he cared about nothing at all.

 

Why should I care? Whether someone died or is born? Why should I care? If the world decided to destroy itself, if humans decided to die or to kill - so it be, let them die and kill. Why should I fear and why should I try to save whoever it is? I have nothing to fear because what I feared the most, it already happened long time ago. And I have nothing I want to protect. Simply because I can't. I..am just a coward that can only watch.

 

As instructed again, he left the sharp objects in the metal bowl, to turn around and enter the room. Today he was a bit off, not even wearing his necktie.

 

And as I am to watch the never ending show of humanity, I can as well enjoy their fruitless tries.

 

With a flop he left the documents on the table, to feel the weight of his body onto the chair.

 

- Someone didn't get enough of sleep or had a bad dream?

 

The gold colour has taken over the brown and the caramel looked so warm unlike other days; Nishida looked up. That was right, he was working now.

 

Ah...the smartass. What a bad timing to dream about that. I have work to do, they paid quite the sum just for one simple answer. And I just have to take that answer off him. Sounds like, the price of the truth, huh.

- I was reading a book until late, Mr. Munekawa.

- Oh? Seems like the book was interesting, if it managed to keep your mind elsewhere while in the same room with a serial killer, doctor.

- I wonder. - he leaned forth to reach for the papers, calmly flipping the pages.

- Was it a woman or a man?

 

Nishida's hand paused to look up under his slightly fallen over brows hair,

- Excuse me?

- The one that left such a deep scar, was it a woman or a man?

- Neither. - he returned gaze to the papers.

- What a bad liar. Even I lie better, doctor.

- Obviously. Else I wouldn't be here, Mr. Munekawa. - a pretty sharp glance was thrown to the male's direction as Nishida rose chin, - Or you think you can lie to me?

- Can I? - a crack of grin.

- Try me. - a push to side, he slid the papers once again. Seemed Murasame didn't really bother to even go by protocol and the usual procedure. He didn't even need to review the papers because he already knew the eyes, these eyes. They belonged to a sane man stated to be insane. And even if the whole world stood against Nishida to prove him wrong, he would still stand behind the statement - that man wasn't insane.

 

The minutes spent in calmness and muteness gave away the tension between their eyes. They communicated on other level and doubtful one could understand it.

- I didn't kill them. - he said.

Nishida kept staring at these eyes, his dull and tired gaze though didn't waver. He just bored his eyes into the other.

- I asked to lie to me, not to truth me, Mr. Munekawa.

 

The male's lip corners formed a faint grin.

- Then you are ready to sentence an innocent to death?

- I don't judge, I just observe. Be upset with the court.

- Ah, right. Because you don't care, do you?

- People that care get the restrains, just like you, Mr. Munekawa.

- What a coward. - the male chuckled and looked to side.

- Never said I had a medal for bravery either.

- You could have had one. If you stopped going along with the system.

 

-I will kill them all! I hate them all! Let me go, Nishida! THIS WORLD IS SO WRONG! - a strong voice yelled in rage and in agony, the face bathed in bitter tears.

 

Both of them dressed in black suits, the grave stone was blurred from the background. But the pain he felt in his chest while restraining his friend never left his body.

- Calm down, Daiichi! It's useless! Stop it!

- Useless!? The system will always be wrong! Today they killed him, tomorrow they will kill anyone who stood on their way! They don't care about us, Nishida! Can't you see that we are just marionettes in their hands?! You think you live and you choose your life, but in fact you choose nothing! Nothing at all! Stop telling me it is useless when he showed me I could fight!!!!

 

Suddenly a very vivid memory hit Nishida. It passed for seconds but his chest throbbed as if have been stabbed for years. His hand squeezed lightly fingers into a fist, his chin lowered down.

Of all times... why now I had to remember..

 

- See? You know very well yourself. We don't choose anything, doctor. We live in refusal. Towards fate, destiny, life itself, even sometimes when it comes to death, pain or love, God or the Devil. We are meant to destroy and those that try to create, they are either corrupted or they die by their own creation. We even killed God, but that's the destiny of the creator - to die by its own creation.

- Ah. Today is the book of the Dead? I think you took your history classes too seriously, Mr. Munekawa.

- Sarcasm is not your gift, doctor. More like a defending mechanism of yours. Your sarcasm will never work on me.

- My bad, I thought we are sarcastic.

- Neither irony.

 

What's with him? ...So noisy...

 

- Right. Let's skip the chit-chat today. I have work to do.

- Running away? Aren't you tired already? - Shira leaned forth lightly as far as the restrains allowed, - You are indeed tired, aren't you?

That asshole...taking advantage of the handicaps I gave.

 

- What's wrong, doctor? You are not actually the neat type, are you? This is not your true personality. You are more alive than you think you are.

- Unlike you, I surely have something similar to life, call it. But when I am done with you, sadly, can't say the same for your 'tomorrow'.

- You think breathing is what we call life?

 

We..?

 

- Save me the headache and the lecture. Your definition of life applies only for you alone.

- Why... - suddenly Shira gripped the arm-resters sides of the chair to glare - .. Why you refuse life but welcome death, doctor!?

 

Nishida leaned back on his chair, calmly staring. But far from being calm actually.

- Why you ask.. It offers the cure and the truth. Life is just a torture, Munekawa. Look at yourself. Free mind but yet bent and restrained. Where is your freedom now? Don't tell me 'spirit', don't bullshit me with the philosophy of life.Philosophy of life was created to make it easier for people to survive. And do you know why it's called 'surviving?'? Do you really know the difference between 'fighting for' and 'surviving'? I can't tell you for the first one, but the second surely has to do with licking own wounds and suting yourself with the bullshit in your plate. And as I can see, you have plenty of such in yours.

- I am so disappointed... to believe that you could be what the world needed, doctor.

 

Murasame stopped his speech and fell silent. He knew that feeling, he read perfectly fine the body language.

- Don't tell me...

 

Shira turned his gaze to him, bathed in sincerity.

 

- Don't tell me you got yourself here to meet me?

- Yes. I had to meet you.

- ...Are you...insane?

Shira chuckled lightly and shoulders formed a shrug,

- Seems like it.

- I had enough of your game. I told you to manipulate me, not to make a fool out of me, Munekawa.

- Use them.

- ..What?

- Use your eyes on me.

 

...How..

 

- You have the eyes of the fate writer, don't you?

 

... Impossible.

 

- Use them on me, and you can see the false one and the sincere one. See whether I am insane or sane, see whether I deserve to die or to live. Judge for once, doctor. The eyes you have are to judge, not to watch! - with his raise of voice, it was the first time when Nishida saw Shira losing his calm posture.

 

..It can't be.. There are only...only four people that...

 

Nishida got startled and it was hard to get that man speechless. No, it was hard to surprise him. And it had a reason.

 

- Ah, I see. - Shira relaxed his body and lowered his voice, - You haven't read it, have you? The profile and the report.

 

Murasame's eyes looked to side where the papers were then back at Shira. Why everyone kept insisting so much on it?

 

- Open it. The answer you needed so much was always before you, doctor. Open and read it.

- Read what excatly?

- The name of the last victim.

 

The male reached for the papers but then paused. Was it another game now? But the eyes that stared at him weren't playing around. They were patiently dangerous. A flip of page, then two and three, he reached the list of victims. The eyes stared at the last name and his pupils wavered. He rose from his seat abruptly. He felt sick, something felt so disturbing within. He felt like vomiting.

 

- Now, look at me and tell me, do you remember me, ...Nishida? - Shira's voice felt so cold and yet so comforting for some reason. The patience turned into impatience. But it was no use, Nishida's eyes were still glued to the paper, although five steps away.

 

The male was in utter shock.

 

No.. This...is not..

 

---

---

[TABLE=class: grid, width: 300]

[TR]

[TD]NAME LIST OF VICTIMS

[/TD]

[TD]FOUND BODY

[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Kimune Shin

[/TD]

[TD]Yes

[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Ritsuko Hana

[/TD]

[TD]Yes

[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Lou Kitama

[/TD]

[TD]Yes

[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Badou Rei

[/TD]

[TD]Yes

[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Kasuka Shinamono

[/TD]

[TD]Yes

[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Shura Keisuke

[/TD]

[TD]Yes

[/TD]

[/TR]

[TR]

[TD]Manou Daiichi

[/TD]

[TD]No

[/TD]

[/TR]

[/TABLE]

 

 

[Justme]

It is too weird that I was happy when I saw Daiichi in the list? :_red_fox 11 I am impatient for more :hamtaro-005 (8):

[Saga]

 

CHAPTER 6 PART 1

EXISTENCE

 

I was an ordinary child, from an ordinary clan. The firstborn son, and in particular, the heir. There were only things I liked, and I didn't know what 'dislike' and 'hate' meant. Looking back, even I could say how foolishly naive I was. My first memory appeared a bit earlier from what genetically normal it was supposed to be. I remember the embrace of my father - that's right, I remember my existence from the day I was born. And funny enough, I should have known from then that I wasn't normal. And then, almost five years later, the second son was born. My brother.

 

- Nishida, don't touch your brother, you will wake him up. - a beautiful woman took the out-stretched hand of Nishida to stop him from poking with curiosity the cheek of his sleeping baby brother.

- It's..my brother? - the young Nishida tilted head.

- Yes. And it means he and you share the same blood. Since you are the older one, you should protect your brother, Nishida. This is what big brothers are for. - said she with a smile.

Nishida's big and filled with life eyes glanced over to the bed, gazing at his brother's sleeping face,

- Protect... - he mumbled as if noting down his duty.

 

It was an odd feeling I felt back then. I was too young to understand but yet I knew what the words meant. I had no rights because I was to lead. I was always forced to lead. The clan, the clubs I took part in at school, in competitions and even when I became a bully leader. I never wanted the crown, but people decided on their own - that I was suited for a leader. And I am not sure whether I or they were cowards. Because to be leader meant you have to carry and be ready to withstand hatred and pain. I had many enemies, many rivals and hatred darted at me that I never understood.

- Nii-chan!! Take me with you, please!! - the young Murasame brother tugged Nishida's shirt with puppy eyes. Nishida turned around, being the older one and the taller one he just smiled and flicked gently his brother's forehead.

- No good, Hide. You should stay and study, mom will be angry.

- But...but why mom allows you to go outside and I have to always study? - dejected Hide looked down at his feet.

 

He was such a cute child, that brat. Truth was, no one cared whether I was around or not, in fact. Her wish was to make Hide the heir. And no matter how hard I tried in everything, she never praised me. Soon I understood why. Because she didn't love me like a mother was supposed to love a child. And then was my first lie. The beginning of adulthood, the lies and the heavy crown one carried.

 

- That's not true, Hide. Mom wants you to be the best of the best. - Nishida knelt down, smiling, - Say, don't you want to beat your nii-chan's scores at school? If you do, I will take you with me to play by the river.

- ..Really? - Hide sulked but still adorably wanted to accept the deal.

- Really really. - Nishida chuckled and ruffled his brother's silky hair.

- M'kay then! Hmph, I will beat nii-chan at every subject, just watch me, Nii-chan!!!

 

It would have been easier if things stayed this way. Me protecting him, withstanding hatred from everywhere and the heavy crown of being some fake excuse of a leader. Alas, when that happened...I changed.

 

The sun was already setting and Nishida was reading a book in the garden when suddenly a woman came to visit his mother. They were sitting a few meters away from him, and he couldn't ignore how sorrowful her eyes were.

 

- What do I do now, Murasame-san? My kid is on a death bed and no doctor and no psychic know what is wrong with him.

- Don't lose hope, Sasane-san. - Nishida's mother tried to encourage her friend.

- It's no use...it's been months, and he is suffering...

 

I don't know what happened. But once I saw her eyes, I already knew the scenery of her child. More like... I created it.

 

Nishida laid down his book and walked up to her, with a tilt of head he just said one word,

- Blood.

- ...Sorry? - she turned to him with eyes filled with salt water.

- It's in the blood.

- ...What..Nishida-kun?

- Nishida, stop it. Go inside.

- Give your son an extraction of beetroot.

- ...Beetroot?

 

I had no idea what beetroot meant, but honestly. I still don't know what happened then. Of course, weeks passed and I already forgot about the case. When one night the woman returned.

 

- Murasame-san!! Murasame-san!! - she run to her friend with excitement, while Nishida was trying to nap.

- What's wrong, Sasame-chan?

- My child...My child.. they finally caught the bacteria in his blood. I gave him beetroot and the bacteria showed up!! Please, tell your son I want to meet him with my child!

 

I was scared. It wasn't normal. I saw things I wasn't supposed to. The darkest secrets of people, their past and I, from all, could write the future. If there were particularly voices in my head, I could blame it to the 'madness' or some other mental disease. However...there were no voices, there was only me.

Of course, I refused meeting whoever it was. The child recovered and I was glad. No. You think I was glad because I cured him? No, not at all. I was glad I didn't kill him. To be honest, I never trusted these eyes of mine although all people that knew about them did so and took advantage. Greedy and corrupted, this was the world I was born in - no different from today's one. And little by little... I started distancing myself, from all that brought me happiness, temporary happiness.

 

One day the parents of that kid came to ask me, if I wanted something in return for curing their son. Since I refused to meet him and to know him.

- Say, Nishida-kun. Do you want something in return? Whatever it is? I will give you whatever you want, just name it. - said the woman and next to Sasame stood the father of the child.

- I want nothing. - Nishida wasn't being humble, he just wanted to get rid of them; he wanted to become normal again. That was just..some luck, he thought.

- You sure? I can give you whatever you want.

 

On other note, he thought of something.

- I just want only one thing.

- Good! Name it! - she smiled excited.

- Never ever say I cured your son, not even to him or whoever it is. - brave words coming from a child, they were.

- ..Okay? That's what you want? - she was surprised the kid didn't want something to do with money or whatever material.

- Yes. I just want you to promise me.

- We promise.

 

Season changed and Nishida already forgot about that. Although a series of odd things happened before, the calm returned. He was normal again, he could read his books alone again. He enjoyed his favorite garden and whatever time he had to pass by the beautiful river - he enjoyed all. But one day, everything froze.

 

- Please, let me meet him! I don't know what to do! Please!

 

Nishida was disturbed by the fuss made downstairs, but decided to stay in his room. However, his guts were knotted together, something felt so wrong. Suddenly he heard rushed steps to his direction. Before the door was opened, he knew what to expect. The bitter taste spread in his mouth.

- Are you Nishida- kun? - a tormented by life woman walked in, to stare with her last resort of hope in eyes.

Nishida glanced over and he could do nothing but stare back.

- Please... I understood from Samame Munekawa-san that...that you cured her son...My own son..he..

 

- I...

 

- He will die, please..save him...

- I am sorry, but I am neither your savior nor your God. I am not gonna save your child.

- ...I... - Nishida rose his chin to Shira.

 

-..You...how can you...are you a human!? You saved that child's life...what he was better with than my own son!?

- Leave me alone!

 

- ...I remember you..

- You are a monster in the suit of a human...how can you even save people then sentence them to death!? You are worse than any god and any devil!

 

- ...Sasame Munekawa's son... - golden eyes glowing as stared at Shira, - ..Shira...Munekawa.

 

 

[yaoi4fans]

Amazing plot cheetah5 The end of the last chapter made me scream like in anime cheetah10

[YLover]

Please Register/ Sign In, in order to see the links.

Kyaa! It's getting more and more interesting! :hamtaro-005 (10):

[Saga]

 

CHAPTER 6 PART II

EXISTENCE

That I could see the fate, that I could shift the fate - it held no meaning to me. Paradoxically funny, I think that the world is unlucky. Very unlucky.

 

- Long time no see.., or should I say, 'Nice to meet you'? - Munekawa's expression had an odd color of brightness.

 

Nishida only kept staring at the male; probably was so stunned that he couldn't even make a step forth or stutter a word out. And abruptly it seemed that he lost himself in the silence he could understand, the silence which provided him all he needed. The male was swallowed by the wind just like a lost bee.

 

- You never met the people you helped, didn't you, doctor? - with a tilt of head, that deceiving smile penetrated Nishida's soul, - But also you never met the people you refused to help. I find it amusing though, how come you treat both the same way? Do you really not care, doctor?

 

Murasame lowered his chin down, numbing his gaze. He felt his body heavy, just like the air turned to be a huge rock forcing him on ground.

 

- What do you know, Munekawa? - eyes fastened at the floor, his silky hair caressed the pale cheeks, - In this unlucky world, it doesn't really matter whether you are special or not. It doesn't really matter whether you are lucky or not. Fact is, we are really sad beings. From one thousand tragedies, one has a happy ending but because that path never knew knowledge. Frankly, if I had to choose whether to be stupid or smart, I wouldn't give it a second thought. - his gaze rose to meet Shira's cold but yet serious eyes.

 

- You choose ignorance?

- From your point. But from the point of an ignorant, I would choose the happiness.

- Might be true however... I asked you if you truly not care, doctor? I am here on the tragedy path to meet you. I chose the tragedy to talk to you because stories with a tragic ending always have a continuation.

 

Yeah, so I thought before, too.

 

Murasame averted his gaze. He never found it easy to deal with optimists. In fact, if someone was optimistic, he let them be. It was meaningless nor satisfying to destroy one's ray of hope. Sooner or later, it would always die. Although he knew, the more later it died, so much painful it would get.

 

- Say Nishida, I have always wondered.. what meaning life holds through the eyes of someone who saw many lives and who read many fates?

 

The male fell silent. He obviously had no answer. In the seconds he struggled, the door was unlocked.

 

- Well, it seems our time is up, doctor. But I will wait for the tomorrow, because this is all I can do. How about you?

 

Nishida shifted his eyes to Shira, his pupils slightly widened at the smile before him,

- Will you wait for the tomorrow as well?

 

***

 

Brown eyes slid open, the field of rosa iceberg summer flowers dancing around his body from the slight breeze. The sun was already setting and it was already a moonrise. Faint but still glittering dots decorated the sky. Just like each dot in a book put for the end. The sky seemed endless but yet had its own 'indicator' for the ends.

 

Nishida dulled his eyes into the darkening blue, recalling the events from earlier today. It was another day and tomorrow would still be 'another day'.

 

Abruptly his mind tripped over the words in his subconscious,

- Well, it seems our time is up, doctor. But I will wait for the tomorrow, because this is all I can do. How about you?

 

He knew very well why Shira said that. There was that saying, "The future is unknown, the past is a history but the present is a gift, that's why it's a 'present'."

 

And just after his thought, the words shook him,

- Will you wait for the tomorrow as well?

 

Parting slightly his lips, he exhaled a warm breath. The male formed a faint smile,

- Heh...

[YLover]

Please Register/ Sign In, in order to see the links.

Kyaa! I want mooooore why it ended when I was so curious what will happen? cheetah7 cheetah10

[Saga]

CHAPTER 7

BLESSED OR CURSED

 

I chose the pretense of ignorance. It didn't make it better; only bearable. Enough bearable so I could continue with my life. We all believe to be special, to be of importance; some even extend their imagination further - having a mission or something of the sort. But when you pass a certain age, or a certain series of events in your life - you just give up on thinking you're something more than what you are. It was yet another year, another season and another day - all the same. The 'gift' people claimed for 'tomorrow', I saw it as nothing but 'a tomorrow'.

 

- Good afternoon, Mr. Nishida. I am pleased to meet you personally. - a hand reached for a handshaking, wrapping fingers around Nishida's pale white hand.

- The pleasure is mine, Director Yamada.

- Please, take a seat. Would you like a drink? - the male moved to his own seat behind the huge, black desk in the cabinet.

- No, I am good this way. - right after Nishida politely took a seat on the opposite of the desk to place his folders on the desk, calmly leaning back against the chair.

- I got to know you already had a few sessions with the subject in question. And I am extremely pleased to have a professional to assist us in the current case.

 

Nothing more than sugar-coated words, in fact, nothing more but corruption and lies. We humans only played gods, consciously or not.

 

- You give me too much credits, Director. Yes, I had a few sessions with Mr. Munekawa.

- Ah, I would like you to call the culprit by the suited term, 'subject'. We don't really need to name him, he has long abandoned the name of a human. - the director didn't wait to show his dislike for criminals.

 

Nishida glanced over quietly, his eyes stared briefly and suddenly a smile appeared,

- Of course, 'the subject'.

 

I felt a bit indignant.

 

- So, what is your conclusion? Do you think we can convince him to tell us where the body is?

- My patient--

- The subject. - the director corrected Nishida through a smile.

- ..The subject is sane and in his right mind to take decisions. I don't think-..

- ..Mister Nishida, I don't ask you for the subject's state of mind or well being; Even a sane person can be a killer. I strictly want to find the body and then sentence the subject to death.

 

A sudden frown appeared on Nishida's splendid face features, and he dropped his gaze to support himself with a pinch against the bridge of nose.

 

Not now. Of all times, not now.

 

- Is there something wrong, doctor?

- No, it's just a headache.

- I see. So I was saying, it's been quite some time since the subject has played some game with the law. We don't want to abandon the belief that we can force the answers we need out of him.

 

With his already pale golden eyes glued to the floor, he avoided eye-contact and just frowningly agreed,

- I understand. However, don't you think a capital punishment is a bit too much?

- Too much? Wasn't killing so many people a bit too much, then? Mister Nishida, you might be a psychologist on high level, but certainly you are not the law in Japan.

 

The male rose his chin lightly, his light coloured eyes fell onto the director dully. Vast count of images appeared through Nishida's head.

 

What's wrong with you? You think being the law in Japan makes you the law in this house?!

 

Stop it! He is just a kid! Don't you think it's a bit too much to beat him like this?

 

Yamada! You, how could you...leave him! Don't!

.

.

.

- ..shida... Mister Nishida! - the director called a few times before Nishida's eyes finally focused on the lips calling him.

- Ah..I am sorry.

- You look pale. Are you sure you are fine?

- ..Yeah. I probably caught a cold.

- That's too bad. Are you sure you'll be in state to continue the sessions this week? We need the information before the next Tuesday.

- Yes, of course. I don't go by my code name for no reason, Director.

- Ah, right. - he laughed loudly, - I certainly forgot you had a code name in our institution.

 

Nishida lowered his chin for a humble bow before he rose from his seat. The sweat was already touching to beginning of his nape.

- Let's meet again this Friday.

- Indeed. I will wait for you and the information you've got for me, Mister Nishida. Until next time. - the director got up, fixing his middle button of his suit to bow as well.

 

As soon as the male walked out the cabinet, he could finally restore his rhythm. But something in his chest felt wrong. He never approved the capital punishment. And another question arose in his mind.

 

Was he at fault for saving a person who now he had to sentence to death? Laughable.

[Saga]

CHAPTER 8

Birden

^{{tr. “birden” - at once, all of asudden, abruptly}}

 

The door creaked heavily, he realized that only two more sessions were left with that man. But he wasn't such a saint to claim a salvation, nor to offer it. All he could do, he locked it away. It was out of question to act like a hero – he had a job now, he had a life..that was all he needed.

 

The psychologist moved tiredly the chair backward, so he could take a seat. The folders were gently put onto the table before he looked up, hiding his eyes behind a pair of a non prescription glasses. For some unknown reason there were two moments when he couldn't use his gift – one, when glasses were in the way of his vision and two, when he loved the person, he couldn't use not even a bit from his powers. Sometimes he believed it was a kind of protection...after all,no one would like their secrets being known, right.

 

Munekawa was ever so calm, probably too drugged to even flinch a finger but still he kept his eyes on Nishida. The male before him looked too cold for a human being, he was like a stoic doll.

 

- So, Mr. Munekawa. It's been a week so far and I am afraid we'll have to end these smartwise chit-chats soon. - Nishida spread open the folders before him as stared at Daiichi's full name.

 

Throb.

 

- I've told you what I know, doctor.

- You've told me nothing so far. - the cold brush off made Munekawa sigh.

- Because I know nothing.

- Where is Manou Daiichi's body? - avoiding any eye contact with the subject, Nishida was clearly trying his best to stick to the usual procedure.

- ...I don't know. I didn't kill anyone.

 

A brief silence spread across the room, even the walls felt like 'staring' at these two figures. The brown-haired male glanced up to stare with his half-dead eyes at Munekawa.

 

- You expect me to believe that you decided to take on the blame of some series of murders so you can meet me? - Nishida lifted a brow.

- Well..I don't expect anything. I am just stating how the situation is.

- Why are you so fixated to meet me? Here, you met me. And we had nothing but meaningless conversations. A few days ago I claimed you for sane but right now I am starting to think I should take my words back.

 

The cuffed to the chair male stretched his lips in a very delicate smile, his eyes barely focused due to the blurry vision he got because of these bloody drugs they kept on feeding him with.

 

- I came to meet you so you can prove my innocence.

 

Even though I didn't lack self-confidence but now and then like any other human being I 'wonder'. I wonder whether I am good enough to tell which is right and which is wrong, which is a truth and which is the lie. But I believe that the moment we stop asking ourselves is the greatest danger, ever.

 

- I am pretty sure that anyone who'd like to learn body language and how to behave in certain situations can fool anyone, and I am also sure that such skills are not needed to be a gift. Humans can learn.

- Heh... - Munekawa lowered his chin, - Are you saying that... I might be deceiving you?

- You said it.

 

Another brief moment of silence.

 

- Take your glasses off. - the male's voice dropped as looked up, - Stare into my eyes and see what I saw, the greatest proof has been always in front of you. Yet, like a coward you keep averting your eyes from it when anyone would give anything for such a pair of eyes...that could see the evil...and the good. Eyes that could provide with any kind of knowledge if only just a glance. And then...eyes that could read well enough so they can see the future that their owner can create himself.

 

He...how...

 

- I don't know what you are talking about, Mr. Munekawa. I guess I should tell them to drug you a bit less for our next session.

 

A cold chuckle spat out of Munekawa's lips, he really looked disappointed now.

- So you chose to play dumb? I am not sure who are the blessed ones, these that you saved or these that you didn't.

 

Nishida's gaze spread across the table, his mind restless. The male before him though didn't stop to there, he kept digging even deeper into a scar Nishida himself buried, buried deep enough that no one and nothing could reach it.

 

- Say doctor, how does it feel to see the future of the people you didn't save? How does it feel actually to create such a future? And how about those that you saved? Ever bothered to think about further than just a day ahead? Because all until now I think you played God in a humble armor.

 

A sudden slam echoed in the room, Nishida had the folders abruptly closed with a strong bang.

 

Playing God in a humble armor? What...what does he even know...

 

The male furrowed his brows and looked up,

- This is why I don't meet with these I saved, Mr. Munekawa. - the male leaned forth against the table as his eyes sharpened, - Because they always want to go 'further' than just a day. But that's not how things work, Mr. Munekawa. Humans are temporal beings, so are their dreams and wishes. One day they desire one thing, the other another. Or do you think that all are so grateful enough to be granted a second chance of love, luck, and even life? Hah.

 

Nishida cracked a sarcastic grin, being far greater was the meaning behind it. He was such a man that could hide his pain behind jokes, irony and sarcasm.

- Look at you. Saved once to ask for it again. Humans are always like this. But they want...three things the most.

 

The psychologist's mind flashed memories on the background while he kept on talking.

 

Please...tell me..am I going to be rich?!

 

- Money.

 

You see the future, don't you?! Tell me! Will I live long?

 

- Longevity.

 

Tell me! Please! I will be a power man in future, right!?

 

- Power.

 

Nishida eased his eyes at Munekawa and his lip corners relaxed,

- That's why, Munekawa, I am sick of these eyes. And if for one day I could 'unknown' the future, I would. So don't feed me with God and humble armors. I am not your hero, never was a hero.

 

The other male kept quiet until Nishida's voice calmed down rendered to a faint note of sadness.

- Take your glasses off, doctor. If you can read so far, you will know why am I here. You do know even without these eyes, I do not fit in any of these three 'categories' you mentioned.

 

The psychologist gave out a sigh and gathered his folders. It was meaningless to talk with that man. He didn't cooperate and the headache was kicking in. These past few days were the worst. Nishida got up and span around on heels to head for the door. For the first time he was to go before their time was up.

 

A sudden lead of words though stopped him from leaving.

 

- When I was thirteen, you were eight-year-old. We never really happened to cross paths directly although we were neighbors. But whenever I saw you, you walked on your two feet. And I don't mean it literally, you oozed strength. Your family situation was known to everyone. The strict household of Kamiya was, after all, the talk of the city. Their heir, the firstborn son, was always alone, taught and disciplined in severe ways but he never showed hatred towards his little brother who in contrast was the spoiled child. Just the opposite. You took each next punch and each next hatred for him, didn't you.

 

- Since you are the older one, you should protect your brother, Nishida. This is what big brothers are for.

- Protect...

 

The short remembrance of the past had his eye color soften once again. And they kept on growing livelier with each next word Munekawa pulled at him.

 

- And then I fell ill. I really thought I'd die. It was cold and lonely in that hospital. For some reason I recalled you, walking down the street. On your two feet, alone and with cold eyes. I started to wonder whether this was how you felt because truly, it was scary. But one day, they rushed in and told me...everything was back to normal all of a sudden. And that nasty stuff I had to drink in secret were actually...things you said I had to drink. It wasn't any medicine, nor even herbs. Just a nasty beetroot. I lived because of some vegetable juice? Don't kid me. I wanted to meet you but each time I sent my mother to ask for you, she returned alone. You refused to meet me. And it wasn't just me. I heard you helped a few other people too, but they never met you. I am here on this chair, chained and drugged, just to ask you one thing. ...Why did you even bother saving people if you so dislike your 'gift' back then, and now you are acting like a coward...abandoning people when you do know you can save them?

 

Nishida's hand tightened grip against the paper folders, crumpling the surface with the squeeze.

 

That bastard..

 

The male turned abruptly towards Munekawa who displayed nothing but calmness. Nishida walked up to his chair, throwing the folders onto the table and then he reached hand forth to remove his glasses.

 

- Go ahead... - Munekawa smiled faintly as rose his chin up to stare at Nishida's already golden eyes.

 

It wasn't that he wanted to play by his rules, nor he gave in to the oh-so-pretty-or-stabbing words. He wanted to know who was this guy now because the Munekawa and the Nishida from the past were nothing but strangers although neighbors. And god he swore, being stripped layer by layer by that man felt awful, so why not take up on the lead.

 

-Don't!!!!!!!!!! - a scream pierced his mind.

[yaoi4fans]

Yuppy! New chapter! cheetah4