You Are the Sugar in My Coffee:: Zombie_In_A_Box and Ciel

[{｡^◕‿◕^｡}Ciel]

 

"India sounds rather nice, honestly. I hope I can visit there as well." said Aras with a small sigh as he thought; he actually just wanted to be home in his country, Germany. He felt home-sick. He missed his friends that he had there, and their families, and the family friends... why couldn't his father had found a different job in Germany? It wasn't fair. With a small sigh, he then answered, I adore gummy bears and peach rings. What about you?"

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

John smiled shyly and, after gathering the courage, offered, "Um... M-Maybe someday... If we're still together... We can go on a trip around the world?" He seemed to be nervous as he said that. The raven was glad that Aras asked him a question too... "Oh, um... I really like banana in chocolate and I like... Uhm... Lollipops..." He trailed off with an embarrassed expression. "Uh... What's your favorite TV show?"

[{｡^◕‿◕^｡}Ciel]

"That would require a lot of money that we'd have to save up... but love the idea, cutie~" Aras smiled softly, his smile goofy and rather happy. He was surprised that John even mentioned something like that... it was so out of character for him. "Lollipops are nice, I enjoy the cotton-candy flavored ones the most, followed by strawberry-shortcake." Rubbign the back of his neck as the other asked him the next question, he murmured, "I really like crime shows or cartoons." Thinking of a question to ask the other, he then asked, "What's your favorite animal?"

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

John's cheeks flushed again - this time from happiness. "A-Ah, really?" He asked in a shy manner. Travelling around the world was always his dream... There were so many different people to meet, from different countries and all... There were so many different cultures... Now everything that got in the way was his anxiety. When Aras answered the question, John let out a small smile and nodded lightly. "Uh? Animal?.. Um... Probably a hamster..." He said with an embarrassed smile. The raven glanced around with a quiet huff as he closed his eyes. "U-Uhm... W-What is your sexuality?" He asked quietly, hoping it wasn't a too private thing to ask.

[{｡^◕‿◕^｡}Ciel]

"Hamsters are cute...I used to have one named Markos... he was the cutest little thing.." mused Aras with a small smile as he looked at the other. When he heard the next question, his cheeks flared bright red. His...sexuality? Gulping quietly, he pulled on the collar of his shirt, as if he were trying to air himself down. Finally, he quietly explained, "Well...I used to be bisexual...but honestly...I think I'm demisexual." Aras itched the back of his neck quietly, "I don't really...um...have sexual feelings for someone until I get to know them on a rather personal level..."

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

John smiled softly, nodding in agreement to what Aras said about hamsters. They really were cute... So small, and so cuddly, and juts adorable in general. When he realized that the other was clearly uncomfortable with the question, the raven felt himself panicking - he opened his mouth to say it was okay not to answer, but it seemed that he would do that after all... "O-Oh..." He murmured out softly, looking away, his face still filled with panic and anxiety. He didn't want to make Aras feel uncomfortable... He shouldn't have asked that...

[{｡^◕‿◕^｡}Ciel]

Aras blushed softly as the other started to get uncomfortable as well, "Well um...what's your sexuality, if you don't mind me asking? You don't have to answer if you don't want to..." he shuffled his feet lazily as he leaned against the island in the middle of the kitchen. He felt a bit nervous. What if the other didn't like the fact that he was demisexual? Would he hate him? Pinching the bridge of his nose, he waited for a reply.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

John shook his head quietly, staring at his feet. "I-I'm gay..." He muttered out softly as he glanced away. Trying to distract himself somehow, he turned to check the cookies and took them out soon. "They're done..." The raven murmured out quietly as he put them all into a bowl and bit down on his lip. "Could you take the h-hot chocolate?" He asked, stuttering slightly.

[{｡^◕‿◕^｡}Ciel]

"One of my sisters are gay." said Aras with a small smile and murmured, "She's really nice, just like you." The German nodded quietly and took the mugs of hot chocolate and carefully made his way back to the living room with a rather soft blush tinting his cheeks. Placing the two mugs on the table and waiting for the other male to get over there, the German sat back down on the couch and waited.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

What Aras said only made John feel annoyed. He pursed his lips tightly as they walked to the living room. The raven sat down quietly, taking his mug into his hands with a small frown. "...Don't compare people to others just because of their sexuality." He muttered out quietly as he looked away. So what if his sister was nice? That wasn't some quality each gay person had. For some reason, this annoyed John a lot...

[{｡^◕‿◕^｡}Ciel]

Aras glanced at the other with a small huff before he muttered, "I'm not. I'm saying that you're like my sister, you remind me of her because you have similar qualities. What's so wrong about that? I'm trying to tell you that you're a nice, charming person who I put on a high pedestal." His eyebrow twitched the slightest bit in annoyance before he glanced the other way, refusing to look at John. He felt attacked... did he really say something wrong? Was it bad that he considered John nice like his sister? "I'm sorry for calling you nice, I guess." Quietly, the German got up and walked towards the door, "I'll see you later." He doubted the other still wanted to go out on a date with him anyways since he seemed so offended by him. He felt sad, honestly. Why was the other pissed at him? Coughing quietly, he unlocked the door and opened it, pulling the door open and walked back to the apartment, leaving the other's door open, obviously fumed.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

John stayed silent at first, just quietly nibbling on his lower lip. "I said that because you only mentioned her when I said I was gay, and she was too." He muttered out quietly, trying to defend himself. When Aras stood up and simply walked out, the raven realized he felt like crying... Slowly, he stood up and closed the door, locking it as he sniffled quietly and walked back onto the sofa. He turned on the tv, took the hot chocolate and, after curling up into a ball on the couch, began watching as he drank the sweet liquid. There went his only chance at a relationship... A shaky sigh left his mouth as he grabbed a blanket, wrapping it around himself as he tried his best not to cry. He knew nothing would work out, and yet he still had his hopes up. This just proved how unfair the whole world was.

[{｡^◕‿◕^｡}Ciel]

Aras curled up in a ball on his couch once he got home, not locking his door. He felt sad... but he never knew that John could be such an asshole. What did he do that was wrong, honestly? The fact that he only mentioned his sister after he said he was gay? That wasn't a reason to be pissed about anything. Why was he so offended? By the fact he said he was a nice and charming person? That seemed ridiculous, honestly! He couldn't even take a compliment without making it a big deal. And yet... despite how he was feeling... he still wanted to try and make this work. He'd think of a way.... but the more he thought of it, he had a perfect idea in mind.

 

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

John didn't even realize when exactly did he start crying. All he knew was that the hot chocolate cups were empty and the cookies were pushed away while he had tears rolling down his face. Was it really his fault? Should he have stayed quiet instead? The raven hid his face into his knees as his shoulders shook, unable to stop crying. He didn't want to leave the house ever again. He always felt this way after losing a friend or something like that... And Aras, Aras was supposed to be his boyfriend. Guess it was just some joke after all.

[{｡^◕‿◕^｡}Ciel]

And of course the other was going to blame him, even though it was John himself was the one who was being a complete asshole. Pouting the slightest bit, he got up and went towards the table, and started writing a letter. He really didn't feel like giving up on this. Scribbling down a note on the paper, he wrote that he was going to be taking off of work that day and that he was going to wait for er at the park if he still wanted to go on a date. And he wrote cellphone number on the note before he went off to go take a shower.

He really didn't want to look like a mess, even if the other wasn't going to show up. He took a shower, brushed his teeth, and he got dressed. He wore a dark pair of skinny jeans and a pale-pink button-up shirt. He put on a pair of pink color vans, and he mused his hair neatly, and he put a necklace on. Quickly, he grabbed the note, his wallet, and his cellphone, put them in his pocket... he left his apartment and made his way towards the other's door, taped the note to the door and knocked on it and left quickly. He was going to go to the flower-shop, and then to the store to get some chocolates.he wanted to make it special if the other actually showed up.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

John didn't move from his spot on the couch even when he heard knocking. Go away... I don't want to see anyone... He thought to himself as he cuddled into the blanket further. It took him a minute to realize that whoever was at the door left. Wait... Maybe his new pet bed came? The raven forced himself to stand up, wiping his tears into the blanket as he unlocked and opened the door... To find an empty space. Tears began rolling his cheeks again and he was about to close the door when he noticed the note. He took it and walked back to the couch, curling back up on it. The man began reading it and barely fought back the urge to tear it to pieces. Couldn't Aras pick something finally? Was he going to give him false hopes and break them each time? He didn't want that. Once he realized that the other left his phone number, John found his own phone and wrote a quick text with shaky fingers.

 

[i'm not coming. I don't want to leave the house.]

 

John doubted he would come out for anything other than work, honestly... He always took it hard when people betrayed him - or just left... Or when he himself screwed up.

[{｡^◕‿◕^｡}Ciel]

Aras stopped by the flower-shop and by the store. He had picked out a bouquet of dark pink roses, that were nearly a pale red color. And he had picked out some chocolates that were filled with caramel. He had realized that the other liked caramel, based on the way that he put it in his coffee. He had also found something that he thought the other might like- it was a small, white teddy. The teddy had a small, red bow wrapped around it’s neck. He was sitting in the park when he got the text message. He had been sitting there for awhile. Feeling the buzz in his pocket, he picked it out of his pants and glanced at the message. A small frown of disappointment formed on his lips, and with leisure fingers, he just pressed a simple key on the phone.

{K}

 

With a huff, he got up and left the park, making his way home. There was no point in staying out here and freezing his ass off for somebody that was never going to show up for a date.

 

When he got home, he walked down the hallway and made his way to the other’s apartment. He placed the chocolates, teddy, and the flowers outside of the door, and simply tapped his fingers against the door before walking to his apartment. He was considering maybe asking to be moved into a different apartment… this was going to be awkward. The other probably hated him anyways. He should probably just forget about John.

 

Walking inside, he locked the door behind him and sat down on the couch. What was the point of all of this? He was trying to say sorry and the other wouldn’t even talk to him. Aras was right; he would always get heart-broken. Nobody wanted someone like him anyways.

 

Quietly, he pulled out his phone again and typed a rather small reply to the other.

 

{I left what I was going to give you outside of your door. I’m sorry for being a jerk. I hope I at least did something to make you happy}

 

Maybe he should also get a new job. He could get another job at another coffee-shop… just to get the other out of his life forever. If he just left, he wouldn’t have to deal with John… he wasn’t really good at dealing with his problems.

 

Getting up, he walked to his bedroom to go and put on some pajamas. He just wanted to sleep away the day. He didn’t want to deal with it.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

When John got the one-letter-response, he felt as if he was suddenly crushed by something heavy. He screwed up again. There, he would probably never see Aras again... No, Aras would probably never want to see him again. The raven just curled up on the couch, his face burried into his knees as he sniffled quietly. He didn't hate the other, but he wasn't sure if he really loved him. No, in fact he was almost sure he didn't feel love towards him yet... He wanted to know him a bit more. John just wasn't the person to suddenly jump into a relationship.

 

He flinched at the faint sound of fingers tapping against his door. Was that Aras? He didn't want to be yelled at, and he was almost sure he would be if he faced the other... That is, until he received the text from the man. His eyes widened a bit as he read it and he hesitantly walked over to the door to open them. He felt tears filling up his eyes when he saw everything that was put there. The flowers were lovely, the candies were one of his favorites and the teddy bear was plain cute. He hated feeling responsible for making someone else feel bad... Especially when they were clearly trying to be nice.

 

Collecting everything into his arms, John quietly walked over to Aras' apartment, his eyes a bit red and puffy from his precvious crying. He pressed the doorbell softly, then just stood there, waiting for the door to open. He couldn't just accept all this without even saying thanks... He felt like a jerk, really. Maybe he was a jerk, but he couldn't help it...

 

His nervous eyes glanced over to the teddy in his arms as he hugged it closer to himself. The soft fur felt so nice... John couldn't help the small smile that appeared on his face as he thought of where he could put it. Maybe he should also give it a name? It was pure white, so maybe something to do with Snow...

[{｡^◕‿◕^｡}Ciel]

Aras was getting changed into his pajamas. He couldn’t really deal with this type of stress too well… he got hurt so many times, and he didn’t want to go through that again. He was thinking of all of the options in his head that he could do… and it nearly frightened him how he was behaving… he was behaving poorly, and he knew it. He was being a little kid…

 

When he heard the doorbell go off in his house, he was only wearing a pair of flannel pants. He knew that it really wasn’t appropriate to answer the door in that manner… though he really didn’t care at the moment. He felt kind of lost at the moment. When he walked out of his room, he sighed to himself. It was probably John….the man who was supposed to be his boyfriend. The man that he was supposed to go on a date with tonight… but he didn’t. The other didn’t want to get out of the house to see him. Why would he want to get out of the house now? To break up with him? Or was it to give him the presents because he messed up on what he liked? Aras didn’t know, but Aras didn’t really care at the moment… All he knew is that he had the common courtesy to answer a door.

 

Walking over to the door, he opened it with a sigh. And of course, it was John. He leaned against the edge of the door. With his shirt off, it was obvious that Aras was rather… skinny. He had a feminine form, though he didn’t really have a lot of muscle. The muscle was in his shoulders and biceps, though it was a little bit of definition, not much. He was lean… a little too lean so to say.

 

“Hey, John.”

 

 

 

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

John was beginning to feel anxious again while he was waiting. Maybe he should've just left it as it was right now... Maybe he should stop trying to get anything good from his life in general. It was obvious that either he or someone else would always screw everything up and nothing good would come out. He'd lose his friends, his co-workers, and he wouldn't even have enemies. He wouldn't have anyone... Except maybe his mother.

 

So when the door opened, John, after hesitating for a moment, dropped the gifts to the ground and pulled Aras into a tight hug. He burried his face into his neck as he let out a shaky sigh, gently holding him to himself. "I'm sorry." He muttered out quietly - and that was the only thing he said. The raven's arms were a bit, well, maybe very, squishy. He had a lot of fat basically everywhere, after all. The man sniffled softly, hiding his teary face and eyes from the other as he held onto him, as if afraid he would pull away.

 

"I'm sorry..." He repeated again, his voice completely honest and a bit sad. He knew he shouldn't have acted the way he did... And he knew he probably should've gone out to the park when he was invited. He just couldn't. He couldn't bring himself to just fight it off and suddenly be alright and fine... It didn't work that way for him. The raven still wanted to try, even if just a little. Even if they could be friends, he would be happy... He would probably be even more happy as friends than boyfriends. He didn't feel like he was ready for a relationship at the moment. Maybe his definition of relationship was wrong, but he didn't want that yet anyway. He wanted to at least warm up to Aras a bit...

[{｡^◕‿◕^｡}Ciel]

When he waited for the other to make a move or say something, Aras let out a rather small sigh, his eyes directed at the floor. Though, when he heard the objects that he gave the other hit the floor and felt his body being tugged over towards the other, he let out a rather relaxed noise as he slowly slipped his arms around the other’s torso, nuzzling his head into the other’s neck. The warm and comfort that the other’s body gave off was rather appreciated. Aras couldn’t say that he himself was a very comfortable person to hug, to be truthful….he as really just skin and bones, and the only muscle that he really had was on his arms. He felt bad that the other had to hug a body like his… Despite the fact that he was skinny… he also had body-image issues. He just didn’t have them as extreme as John did… Aras knew that people liked the way that he was shaped, and the way his body was shaped and lanky… but Aras hated being like that. He wished that he could gain weight, in all true honesty. He wanted to feel better about himself and not care what others thought of him… though that wasn’t the case. Because Aras did care, and he hated to admit to that. Hugging the other in return, the German man muttered, “It’s okay, don’t worry about it.” His voice held a hint of sadness before he quietly muttered, “Sorry for being a total asshole earlier…” He apologized, even though he didn’t feel like he was the one at fault… though, since the other was hurt by what he said, it was the best thing to do out of common courtesy. Were they even going to be together anymore? Was it even worth it? Aras tried to convince himself that it would be okay if they broke-up…. Though he knew it wouldn’t be. He just wanted something to work out properly for once instead of ending in a shit-storm. He just wanted to be happy. He felt like he didn’t want to have a relationship again if this didn’t work out… he felt useless, like nobody would want him or even try to put up with him.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

John let out a quiet sigh of releaf upon realizing he wasn't being pushed away or anything. The raven's arms tightened around Aras as he pulled the man closer, gladly sharing his warmth. Actually, he noticed how thin the other was - he couldn't say he really liked it though. People shouldn't be that thin... Nor as fat as he was himself. He himself should definitely lose some weight and Aras should gain a bit. Just a bit...

 

John shook his head quietly when the German apologized. "N-No... I think... I think I just misunderstood your point..." He muttered quietly as he hid his face further into the other's neck. "You weren't..." He added quietly, hugging Aras tightly to himself. The raven nuzzled slightly into the other's neck before hesitantly bringing a hand up to stroke the other's hair gently, lightly running his fingers through them. "Um..." He bit down on his lip, unsure of how to bring it up. Maybe he shouldn't coat things like this...

 

"Could we... Take our relationship slower?.. We... We barely know each other, I can't even call you my friend yet..." He said quietly, but didn't let go off the other for a moment. "So... Maybe we could just... Hang around a bit... And see if something works out..?" He was trying his best not to just run away from all this. He was doing it for Aras.

[{｡^◕‿◕^｡}Ciel]

Aras sighed quietly against the other and he looked away, taking his face away from the other's neck. Was he other really asking him this? He could hear the stutter in his voice, he could hear the way that the other didn't sound like he liked this idea... it made Aras sad. He pulled away from the other, a rather hurt expression on his face.

 

"I'm not going to force you to be my friend or be in a relationship. I'm not even going to force you to associate with me. Hell, if you don't want to, never talk to me again! I don't want to make your life harder on you by being a burden and making you sad or even more stressed... I'm sorry that I asked you to be in a relationship after only knowing you for two days. I'm sorry that I'm such a fuck-up, okay? I'm not going to try and do something that you're uncomfortable with. I don't want to do anything that makes you hate me... so maybe I should just stay out of your life completely. Because all I've seemed to do is make you sadder than you already were."

 

Aras looked like he was going to cry. He didn't want to let the other go. But it was probably for the best of their interests. He wanted to go to sleep... he couldn't deal with this right now... he felt like he just wanted to die.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

John felt fear hitting him in the guts when the other pulled away. No, no, no! His eyes filled with tears as irritation began making way to his head. He barely ever felt irritated, but... Couldn't Aras at least accept the fact that he was trying?!?

 

"...Why can't you at least let me try properly?" The raven asked quietly, his hands falling to his sides, clenching into fists. "I want to try. I am trying... So at least don't stop me!" He finally said, choking up on the tears he'd been holding back as they began rolling down his cheeks again. "S-Sorry, I didn't... I didn't..." He didn't what? John didn't even know the answer to his question. "Just... Give me a... A chance!" The man nearly sobbed out. He knew he looked pathetic. He felt pathetic, and he was crying like some baby, but he couldn't help i!

[{｡^◕‿◕^｡}Ciel]

As Aras watched the other break down like that… he instantly felt guilty about what he did. He shouldn’t have spoken, he shouldn’t have said anything at all… he just made things worse, didn’t he? Aras didn’t deserve love… he just made people felt worse and worse, even though he always had the best of intentions in mind. Heaving in heavily, he crossed his arms over his chest, his dark blue eyes glancing away. He was obviously cold, goose-bumps obvious on his flesh. “I’m sorry…” muttered Aras rather quietly as he glanced back up at the other, biting his bottom lip harshly . “We can…give it a try…I’m sorry for being a brat…” muttered the German man with a soft sigh escaping his lips afterwards. Carefully, he reached out towards the other again, as if he was wanting to give him a hug, but was a bit too hesitant to. What would the other do if he hugged him? Would he get slapped or pushed away? Would he want a hug or no? Would he get yelled at? What if the other didn’t want to try anymore because of the way he just reacted, “I-I’m sorry….” He repeated, glancing at his toes, carefully hugging him again, shaking the slightest bit. He was scared…what if the other hurt him?