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There Is A Wild Fire Inside You (Little Dream & {。^◕‿◕^。}Ciel)


Little Dream
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He wasn't expecting that, he wasn't expecting that at all.

 

Everyone was dead that he ever cared about.

 

Everyone.

 

Levi had been silent the whole way back to camp. Even as they rode through town, as Petra's father told him about how much that she admired him, and how much he meant in his daughter's eyes... it was all too much. He had given up everything...anything he could to remember them... their bodies, Petra's wings of freedom... all so that his men would have comfort and the rest would be safe.

 

Everyone thought that Levi was a greedy, horrible man... but he was one of the most selfless around. He did what he could for his soldiers, he always tried to be by their sides as they died... he fought for humanity, so none of this had to happen.

 

Everyone thought that since he was such a hard-ass, all he cared about was himself... even that brat.... but why should he care? Nobody cared about Levi. Nobody ever asked if Levi was okay. Nobody asked if he needed help. Nobody asked him if he needed a shoulder to cry on.

 

Once they got back to headquarters, Levi skipped dinner that night, going straight to his office/bedroom area, not even bothering to lock the door, just closing it. He didn't even bother to take the heavy gear off his body or wash the blood and dirt out of his uniform. His ankle was twisted from saving Eren's, what he called "girlfriend", but he didn't care, he didn't want to get it inspected. Why would he care so much about his sprained ankle? His friends were dead. All of them. Snuffed out by those...those hellspawns.

 

He curled up in his bed, hysterical crying, not even being quiet about it...he didn't care anymore. He felt so broken. His chest heaved heavily, it felt like he was being suffocated, like he couldn't get any air... he felt so sick and conflicted...and so...confused...

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  • {。^◕‿◕^。}Ciel

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Eren numbly walked back to his room. The ride back had been somber indeed. All Eren could was their faces...their lifeless faces. Why was the world like this? Why did this Hell have to continue? Anger swept over him and he turned, punching the wall with as much force as he could. Tears were streaming down his face but he didn't care as he continued to punch the wall. He could have saved them dammit! They did it to protect him and they were dead because of it! And that bitch Titan got away! He sagged against the wall, a defeated set to his shoulders.

 

He slowly straightened and continued down the hall however he paused, tilting his head as he heard the sound of crying. He followed the sound all the way to Levi's room. He felt his heart break at the heartbroken crying emitting from the man's room. He raised a hand to knock but paused. Would he really want to see him? Especially him? Eren stood there for a long time contemplating before he knocked gently? "Levi?" He asked hesitantly, not really expecting an answer.

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Knocking...why the hell was someone knocking on his door. Wasn't it enough today? Couldn't they just go to bed? He didn't want to do paper work... he didn't want to hear statistics about how many people died... he felt like he was going to vomit... he felt so sick...and broken...and tired. His eyes were gazing absently at the wall before he made his way to the door, still crying, his breathing heavily, trying to be a little bit more quiet.

 

His hands shivered around the doorknob as he opened the door, feeling queezy as he stood there. When he opened the door, he just stared at Eren, not having any resentment in his eyes. His face was soaking with tears, flushed from crying. His eyes were puffy, tears uncontrollably streaming down his face. He was a mess....and for once, he didn't lock himself away in his room. For once, he didn't avoid Eren about how he was feeling. He just showed him...showed him how broken the humanity's strongest was.

 

Levi was visibly trembling. He looked ill. He was standing awkwardly, his ankle out of shape. His heavy gear that was almost as tall as him was still clung to his body, his swords dropped on the floor, still coated with the blood of titans. His uniform was dirty, having grass, dirt, and blood stains on it. He smelt of death, tears, the forest, and the slight smell that lingered that was uniquely Levi.

 

"E-Eren."

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Eren was taken aback by Levi's appearance. Never before had he seen the man so disheveled and so...so..defeated...Eren felt his heart break a little more. He had knocked on the door wanting to see if the man was okay and clearly he was not. Eren pushed back his own despair. "I'll be right back. I need you to take off your 3D equipment and change into some clean clothes, okay?" He said gently. He turned and hurried down the hall. He stopped by the infirmary to grab a roll of bandages. He also collected a rag, bowl of water and a bowl of soup. He carried it all back to Levi's room, hoping he had did as he asked.

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Levi continued to look Eren straight in the eyes as he talked, trying not to seem weak... though he couldn't keep this eye-contact any longer, breaking down into sobs again once Eren turned to walk away, falling to his knees. This...w as the first time in many years that Levi had reacted to something like this. Levi didn't know how to handle his emotions like this, they were too much for him to handle.

 

Just doing as the other said for once, Levi unhooked his gear and fell on his side on the floor, as much as he wished he could get up in bed... he just couldn't... while he had the privilege of sleeping in a warm, comfy bed... his loved ones had the privilege of sleeping in eternity, rotting in the cold, hard ground.

 

He was still shaking violently by the time that Eren got back, his eyes puffy from crying, nearly losing his voice due to his screaming and whines... he was so...defeated...

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Eren returned to Levi's room, sadness washing over him to see Levi curled up on his side on the floor. He was still in his filthy clothes but he had at least taken off the gear. Eren quietly stepped inside and set everything on Levi's nightstand before walking over to the Corporal. "Come on." He murmured quietly, helping the male to his feet and over to the bed. He left him for a moment to grab another change of clothes. He returned and helped Levi out of the dirty clothes and into the clean ones. He threw the dirty ones into hamper before gently pushing down's on Levi's to make him sit on the edge of the bed. He grabbed the bowl and rag, setting them both on the floor beside him. He dipped the rag into bowl and gently began to clean off the dirt and blood.

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Levi held no resistance as Eren stripped him, clothed him, washed him... even though he usually put up a fight whenever Eren usually wanted to talk to him. He stared blankly at the wall as silent tears streamed down his cheeks, biting into his bottom lip to hold back his sobs. He didn't talk to Eren, he didn't look at Eren, despite the fact that he was allowing the teen to take care of him, and see his naked body full of scars and new wounds... he already revealed too much to Eren tonight. The teen would never take him seriously again, ever. He was probably going to tease him on how weak he was...or how disgustingly wimpy he was... or how for humanity's strongest that he sure had a piss-poor attitude... he was probably going to lose the respect that he had from Eren... it didn't even matter anymore... he had no more dignity...

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Eren glanced up at Levi, noting that the other male hadn't put up any sort of fight. Eren felt tears prick his eyes and he beheld the broken man but he stubbornly pushed them back. He had to be strong, had to protect Levi while he is vulnerable. Once he finished cleaning him off he grabbed the soup and gently handed it to Levi. "I know you're probably not hungry but it would make feel better if you had something in your stomach." He said softly as he grabbed the bandages and softly placed Levi's hurt foot in his lap. He probed gentle fingers over his ankle, relieved to find that it was only sprained. He began wrapping the bandages around Levi's ankle, knowing it would have to do until he could get him down to the infirmary.

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Levi inhaled heavily as he had to sit up so that he could hold the soup that Eren brought. He had no intentions of eating it what-so-ever, he just enjoyed the warmth in his hands. He wouldn't be able to swallow anything tonight, nor would he be able to keep it down... he felt incredibly sick... he'd probably vomit even if he drank something. Glancing down at the other as he put his foot in a sprain, he huffed softly as more tears streamed down his face, sniffling the slightest bit. His eyes seemed a bit foggy, and his mind even foggier. He didn't really know what to say to Eren... he was too pathetic to even say "thank you" or even say his name to begin with...

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Levi inhaled heavily as he had to sit up so that he could hold the soup that Eren brought. He had no intentions of eating it what-so-ever, he just enjoyed the warmth in his hands. He wouldn't be able to swallow anything tonight, nor would he be able to keep it down... he felt incredibly sick... he'd probably vomit even if he drank something. Glancing down at the other as he put his foot in a sprain, he huffed softly as more tears streamed down his face, sniffling the slightest bit. His eyes seemed a bit foggy, and his mind even foggier. He didn't really know what to say to Eren... he was too pathetic to even say "thank you" or even say his name to begin with...

 

Finished with wrapping Levi's foot Eren placed the bowl with the rag and the bandages on Levi's desk; he would put them away later. He returned his gaze back to the man and saw he was just sitting there holding the bowl. Eren sighed as he approached and gently took the bowl out of Levi's hands. Maybe he would feel a little bit better after some sleep. He gently pushed on Levi's shoulders until he was laying down and then covered him with blankets. Eren crouched by the bed, biting his lip as his mind ran around in circles. He just felt so useless! He wanted to help but he didn't know how. Levi's comment about his voice flashed through his mind and he bit his lip harder. It was worth a shot, wasn't it? He ran through the list of songs he knew and remembered the song his mother used to sing to him and Mikasa when they couldn't sleep. He cleared his throat and began singing softly, cheeks tinted red as he stared down at the blankets.

 

"Deep in the meadow, under the willow

A bed of grass, a soft green pillow

Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes

And when again they open, the sun will rise.

 

Here it's safe, here it's warm

Here the daisies guard you from every harm

Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true

Here is the place where I love you.

 

Deep in the meadow, hidden far away

A cloak of leaves, a moonbeam ray

Forget your woes and let your troubles lay

And when again it's morning, they'll wash away.

 

Here it's safe and here it's warm

And here the daisies guard you from every harm

And here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true

Here is the place where I love you."

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Levi inhaled heavily as he was pressed down into the bed, his body easily moving to the push that Eren gave him, not holding up any resistance. As he was covered with blankets, the older man curled up softly in a ball, gazing at Eren quietly through the corner of his eye... he wished the other..... no actually, he didn't know what he wished the other could do for him. It wasn't like they could bring his teammates back to life. It wasn't like there was any way to bring Petra back and return her to her father, and guarantee her safety like he was able to before... he was so useless. Though... he stopped thinking about it once Eren started to sing.... it made him stop crying, one last tear falling down his cheek by the time the song ended. Though, while Eren sang, Levi found a way to look at Eren... a bit of hurt, yet warmth in his eyes.... his voice was so beautiful.... and lovely... it gave Levi a way to make sure to keep fighting.

He wanted to hear Eren's voice again... and again... and again...

He would protect Eren. He still had someone he needed to protect.

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The song trailed to a close and Eren glanced up, wondering if Levi had gone to sleep. He blinked, cheeks flushing more as he realized that the other male was staring at him. He had stopped crying so Eren was glad of that but...now that he wasn't in the caretaker mode he didn't know what to do. Should he leave? Wait until the man falls asleep? Sing another song? He unconsciously began worrying his bottom lip with his teeth, mind running around in frantic circles. Eren decided to take a stab in the dark. "D-Do y-you want me to leave so you can get some rest?" He asked nervously, fidgeting from his place on the floor.

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Levi blinked a few times once the other was done singing, slightly upset that he did... he loved his voice, it was nice and tranquil. Though...when the other mentioned leaving, Levi shook his head lightly, though didn't say anything... he was too embarrassed to say it, so instead, he crawled over to the taller teen and grasped his shirt-sleeve with his small hands and tugged on it, trying to give Eren the hint that he wanted him to come into his bed with him.. given the fact that Eren was a titan-shifter, it was true that Eren did have a higher body-temperature than the average human... and that sounded comforting in Levi's mind... he truly didn't care how embarrassing it was at this point. Who was he to have shame? He was a corporal who just spent two hours bawling his eyes over the death of his team-mates and let a teenager take care of him.

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Eren blinked in surprise when Levi shook his head no then began trying to pull him onto the bed. Eren followed obediently. still trying to process what was happening. He laid down on his side, facing Levi yet looking down at the blankets. He wasn't used to any of this, especially from a person who could beat him up like Levi. Seeing this side of him was....weird to be perfectly honestly but not dis-likable. He liked that Levi wasn't calling him names and all around acting like he hated him. Though...Eren did wonder if everything would go back to the way it had been once morning came.

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Eren glanced at the brat softly as he moved closer to him, lifting the blankets up with on of his short arms and wrapped both of them in it, as if he were creating a small cocoon with just the two of them inside of it, blocking out the rest of the world. The corporal murmured something quietly before he edged closer to the other... he didn't make an attempt to turn this into anything sexual, or anything violent. No, he just wrapped his arms around the other's chest, pulling him closer, burying his face into the warmth that was Eren Jaegar... Levi didn't know what he was going to do about this tomorrow...but right now, he didn't care... all he knew was that Eren was beside him...and this was the best feeling he had felt in a long time.

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Eren glanced up when Levi moved closer then blinked in surprise when the other male wrapped the blankets around both of them. It reminded him of when he and Mikasa were younger. They would do this, hide from the world when things got too hard. He heard Levi mumble something but it had been too soft for the younger to make out. He felt Levi moving closer then he let out a small gasp when the man wrapped his arms around him and tugged him closer. Eren laid there stiffly for a moment, not having a clue on how to go about this. But the longer he laid there the less stiff he became until he hesitantly brought his own arms up and rested them lightly around Levi. Eren allowed his body to fall limp, yawning as the day caught up with him. Eren felt his eyes start to slid closed and he unconsciously cuddled closer to Levi as he drifted off to sleep.

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"Eren..."

He murmured this rather softly as he inhaled the other's scent leisurely, his fingers tracing small circles on the other's back as his stiff, tear-dried face was buried into the firm muscle that was Eren's chest. His voice nearly sounded like a plea.. almost as if her were needy, begging him not to leave, not wanting him to leave his side. Tonight, this was what Levi needed. He just needed to warmth of someone, and the ability to think all of it over, and then just let it go... for the sake of humanity, he had to let the loss of his team-mates go and find a new reason to battle. His eyes were closed, sleep slowly entrancing him as he cuddled closer to the other as he soon fell into slumber, his lips slightly parted, as if there was one more thing that he wanted to say, but fell asleep before doing so.

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"MOM! MOM NO!"

 

He watched in horror and terror as the Titan lifted his mother from the wreckage of their home. Everything seemed to slow down and as much as he wanted to turn away he couldn't, his eyes remaining focused. The blood sprayed into the air and to Eren it looked like red petals floating down from the sky.

 

flash

 

He saw Armin gazing at him in disbelief from the roof as Eren struggled to kept the Titan's mouth from closing. He reached out a hand but then everything went dark.

 

flash

 

Eldo swinging towards the Female Titan, blades drawn.

 

flash

 

Eldo's body as it fell slowly to the ground after he had been bitten in half.

 

flash

 

The Titan gaining on Petra then slamming her into the tree.

 

flash

 

Oluo trying to cut the back of the Titan's neck but his blades breaking then the Titan kicking him away.

 

"NO!"

 

Eren jolted, gasping for breath with his heart pounding. He slowly and carefully shifted away from the man and scooted over until he was sitting on the edge of the bed. Tears filled his eyes and spilled down his cheeks and he buried his face in his hands. He bit his lip, shoulders shaking from sobs he held back because he didn't want to wake Levi up. Last night he had pushed his own mourning away for the sake of Levi but now it hit him full force and he was swept away by the pain and grief. Their deaths kept flashing before his eyes. He felt like he was drowning, had been feeling like that for a while now. Their deaths were his fault. It was all his fault.

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The tiny raven had nightmares all night. His body was shaking against Eren's throughout the night, and it was obvious by morning that he had spilled tears in his sleep, his eyes puffy and red, not a single sign showing that Levi was back to the man that he used to be. By morning, he was still sleeping, despite the fact that he fell in and out of sleep, forcing himself back into slumber due to the fact that he didn't want to see another day on this Earth...

 

His fingers twitched the slightest bit as the other who was keeping him warm pushed away from him... he didn't even remember who was with him by morning... he just knew that they were keeping him warm, and he wanted the warmth back... he knew that it wasn't Petra. He knew well that it wasn't Petra... although she used to hold him when he got like this... she was dead. Her back was broken, face bloody, and dead... wrapped up in a coat of linen, now just titan fodder, having to leave her behind in the titan land so that titans could pick up her small body and eat her carcass so the rest of them could live...

 

He groaned lightly as he woke up, his eyesight a bit foggy as he rubbed his eyes softly. What if...everything was just a bad dream? That's right... it could have all been a dream... yes, that was it. Everyone was going to still be outside, happy, waiting for him so that they could go on a mission...

 

The corporal got up... he looked like a mess. A drone. Just walking forward to wear he kept his uniforms. He had slight dark circles under his eyes, his soft, greenish-blue eyes.

 

"Right...I have a mission today...with Oulo...Eldo...Gunther...and Petra today....right...I shouldn't keep them waiting...that would be very rude of me..." He was mostly talking to himself, almost unaware of Eren's presence as he started to get undressed and into a new uniform, almost as if this was what he did every single day. When his shirt was taken off, it was revealed that he had several scars, and burns from the 3DMG that they used. When his pants were off, it revealed even more scars. Though they were all soon quickly covered by his every day uniform.

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Eren heard Levi move around and he quickly wiped his tears. He watched as the man got up, talking to himself as he got dressed. Eren paled. Levi was in shock. Oh God, he didn't want to have to tell him but he had to. Eren slowly got up and shuffled over to Levi. "Levi..." He began softly. "P-Petra, Oluo, Eldo and Gunther d-died on the mission yesterday, r-remember?" He said, his voice trembling as tears filled his eyes and spilled down his cheeks. His knees shook before giving out on him and he fell to his knees.

 

"I-I'm s-sorry...I-If only..a-at that t-time..I hadn't made t-the wrong choice..Things would have b-been different...You w-wouldn't have gotten injured and...and..the others.." He trailed off, sobs escaping him as the tears fell faster. It was all his fault dammit! "Y-You gave me a c-choice and I chose w-wrong...I failed them..T-This is all my fault!"

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Levi glanced at Eren slowly as he talked, his eyes still holding the same shock as they did before. No...no...this couldn't be right...it was a dream, it was definitely just a dream... "What are you talking about Jaegar? Stop being silly...that was just all some stupid dream...they aren't dead... we have a mission today Eren, you need to go get dressed. We're going out in the forest today. You're on my squad today. You better do well and make the right choices...I don't want anyone to die because of you..." He seemed oblivious to the fact that everyone was actually dead... he was trying to convince himself that they were all alive, and it was some twisted nightmare. But it was mostly the emotional shock talking.

 

"You need to get up Eren, stop crying. We have a mission today. You can't act like this...especially today."

 

There was a mission today. It wasn't the mission that Levi was rambling on about. Today was the funeral for the fallen soldiers. After taking this heavy loss and losing most of the elite squad, the scouts were having a day off, a mourning day. Levi was required to go today.

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Levi's words hit Eren hard like a fist to the stomach and he started crying harder, doubling over at the waist as the sobs increased. He was crying so hard he couldn't talk. He knew he did in fact need to go get dressed but for the funeral that was being held for those that had fallen. After a few moments Eren staggered to his feet. "T-The funeral's today, don't be late." He mumbled through hiccups and sobs before he stumbled out of the room. He hit the wall, bounced off then kept going, not caring if there was going to be a bruise later. He staggered down the hall but didn't make it very far before he collapsed again. He slumped against the wall, knees drawn to his chest as more sobs broke free.

 

Mikasa found him not too long after. She sat next to him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders as he sobbed out his grief and guilt. She didn't try to console him, she knew he needed to get it all out of his system. However, she did intervene when he began slamming his fist into the wall. He would have surely fractured it if she had not restrained his arm.

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Levi looked rather confused, though shrugged to himself. Maybe what Eren was saying was true... he felt...to numb to really feel if he was sad or not. It hurt to much, the concept at least. He made his way out of the room, ignoring his pain in the foot. He didn't hold the same expression on his face, though it wasn't exactly a happy face either. It was a confused face, with puffy eyes, and a slight frown...not the menacing scowl that he usually had.

 

Walking past Mikasa and Eren, he didn't really bother to look at them, his eyes looking rather lost. Eren was right...Petra was dead..so was Oulo... so was Gunther... so was Eldo... he could tell because the door to their room was locked, and it had a small sign on it... it reeked of quarantining chemicals. They were now occupying this room with recovering soliders. Slumping down against the wall, he nearly cradled himself, his hands burying themselves into his hair... h could hardly handle all of this stress...it was horrible. Maybe Petra had something in there...maybe just something he could keep... but her father deserved it... not Levi. Levi was just a selfish asshole anyways, right? Levi didn't deserve anything...well, at least that was what Levi thought.

 

He didn't bother with breakfast, he'd end up throwing it up anyways. Instead, he remained by the quarantined door, shivering, a bit of a mess, though no one said anything. Sure, there were looks of surprise as people passed him, they didn't ask him anything.

 

Though, in the mess room, it was a whole other story. They were dissing Levi left and right, about how him being such a hard-ass was actually just a "pussy" or a "little, whiny faggot", and how he was just upset because his squad got killed by that titan. They were laughing, and joking galore within the squad.

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Mikasa eventually got Eren up and to the cafeteria. She seated him on a bench and placed a plate of food in front of it. He didn't move nor make any signs that he was going to eat or even reach for the food. The conversation drifted around him, not piercing through his fog. However, he twitched when he heard Levi's name mentioned and blinked, forcing himself to listen to what was being said. Anger quickly rose, pushing aside the grief and guilt. They were joking and laughing about the events of yesterday.

 

"Humph. The Special Operations Squad always seemed all high and mighty, thinking they were the best. Now look where they are, being digested in a Titan's stomach." One of them laughed.

 

Snap

 

Eren slammed his hands down onto the table and leaped to his feet. Letting out a wordless cry of anger he leaped at the man. The man, not expecting the surprise attack was easily knocked to the floor with Eren straddling him. Eren's fist slammed into his face again and again. There were shouts and then hands were pulling Eren off the guy. Eren snarled, writhing and twisting. He was like a animal, fully bent on taking his rage out on anything in his way. He managed to break few and leaped at the man again. The man had staggered to his feet. Using the move he had learned from Annie, Eren darted forward. Grabbing the mans left arm he pulled him towards him, placing his right hand around the mans throat. Eren then kicked the mans legs out from underneath and sent him slamming to the floor on his back.

 

Eren lunged back down and started hitting him again, tears streaming down his face as he slammed his fist into the man faces.

 

Meanwhile, a man ran down the hallway Levi was sitting in yelling about how "That Jaeger kid has gone off the deep end and someone needs to come help right now!"

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Why wasn't he able to do anything? Why couldn't he save everyone like he was supposed to? Levi couldn't do anything right... he sent everyone to their deaths... he was the reason that they were all dead... he was supposed to carry on the torch, he was supposed to kill them all... and he failed. He couldn't kill that one titan...

 

When someone came running by him, telling him that Eren needed to be stopped, he glanced at the man and got up leisurely, not really in a hurry.Making his way into the cafeteria in a few moments, the young man breathed in steadily, and opened the door. He looked like a mess, and everyone in the room seemed to notice this. He heard others laugh at him as he walked down the aisle that was cleared, where everyone was watching Eren pummel the cadet into the ground.

 

Grabbing Eren by the back of his jacket, he ripped him off of the cadet, and set him on the ground...though surprisingly didn't scold him.

 

"Oh hey! If it isn't the pussy-ass lance-corporal Levi over here! Why are you moping, sad that your friends got beat down by a titan? If you're so pathetic, maybe you should have got trampled down with them!" cackled one of the cadets, obviously not respecting him anymore.

 

Levi glanced over his direction, obviously some sort of venom, some sort of resentment in his eyes.

 

"Cadet...no, not even what I should call you..." Levi started walking over to where he heard the voice coming from... it was from a tall cadet, with blonde hair and brown eyes, "Scumbag, yes, a word more fitting...," His eyes looked like daggers as he stared the man down, "No matter what rank you are, whether you may be a cadet fresh out of training, or the most senior of the ranks, you will never be prepared for any offensive. You have to act on instinct, and power of will. You fight, instead of hide. You either fight and die fighting, or fight and win and get to live another day," He grabbed the man by his shirt roughly, and slammed him into the wall, "My soldiers, no, my equals died fighting by my side! They died a noble death, one that couldn't have been for more of a nobler cause! While some of us here have the decency to mourn the deaths of those who risked their lives to save your fucking ass, all you're doing is whining like some stupid bitch!" Levi growled before letting him go and walking off back to Eren, and tugged on his shirt, "Eren, let's go..."

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