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Remembrance (pigeon x pandamonium)


pandamonium
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Sarin finally sat up and looked at him, his face covered with tears. "Y-you really thought I'd tell someone? Who the h-hell would I tell? Who would believe me?" He looked away again, trying to hold back more tears. "Y-youre the only person I have... Even if I did want to tell someone I'm too fucking terrified of c-cops..."

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Andres gave a shaky laugh. "You and me both, but for different reasons. I'm sorry for threatening you. I just...panicked. But...would you still wanna be with me?"

He set his head on the steering wheel, feeling the contents of his stomach shifting upward.

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Sarin nodded, sniffling a little. "D-do you s-still want to be with me? O-or were you t-trying to s-scare me away by telling me that..." his chest tightened at the idea.

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Andres turned to him. "I do want you to be with me. But I...just don't know what to do. I don't wanna keep scaring you, but I don't want you being with me out of fear. Since once you're in, I'll never let you go. That's why I'm letting you decide what to do. Whether you wanna be with me or live a life of luxury anywhere you wanna go."

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Sarin looked up at him, trying to keep his eyes from watering. "I do want to be with you... No matter what, that's what I decided when I came with you... I just- How did you think I would react to finding that out so suddenly?"

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Andres bit his lip. "I thought you'd be terrified. That you'd want out. That's why I felt like I should've told you before we came here. Let you know what you were getting into."

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Sarin frowned and looked away again, feeling close to tears. "O-of course I'm scared... W-what if I get killed because of the kind of job you have? But... I can't go back to being all alone again... I'm ever more scared of that"

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Andres clenched his shirt. "Look. I'll make sure you don't get hurt. But...I gotta ask...are you Ruth me just because you're afraid of being alone? Do you love me?"

Hee looked away. "Cuz I don't wanna be with you if you're just using me so you won't be alone. That'd be painful for me."

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Sarin's eyes widened at the idea and he quickly turned back to Andres. "Of course not! I love you Andres!" He bit his lip and tried to calm himself down. "But I don't want to be alone either... I just... I don't know how to explain it... I'm such a mess"

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Andres smiled. "It's fine...Since I brought all this up and stuff...wanna go to an amusement park tomorrow? It'll be fun to just do something. And maybe I'll take you to the beach. If you want."

Hee reached for Sarin's hand, but stopped. Placing it in his lap.

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Sarin nodded rubbed his eyes. "I... I didn't mean what I said about being alone... It came out wrong... I'm just all messed up and I can't think straight" He took a shaky breath. "I'm sorry"

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Andres nodded. "It's fine...you don't have to apologize. The news I threw at you...It's pretty terrifying. That's actually the reason I ended up there in the first place...I kinda remember being alone at a coffee shop with Sacha and he leaves to go to the bathroom and bam! Darkness. I wake up in front of this big guy and he gets his guys to beat me up and dump my body at an alley...kinda like a sign or something and then those chicks come...help me out...and that's it..."

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"That sounds terrifying..." Sarin whimpered, wondering if that would happen to him. "Can we go inside? I'd really like to take a shower and lay down..." He really just wanted to calm himself down.

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Andres nodded. "Sure. Let's go inside. I kinda need to rest too. We can talk later. I'm sure you need to rest."

He slid out of his car and walked over to open the door for Sarin.

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Sarin gave the man a slight smile before getting out of the car. "Thanks" He said softly. "Can you show me where my room is again? I still don't know where everything in your house is..."

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Andres nodded. Feeling heartbroken that Sarin didn't want to sleep with him.

"Yeah. Sure..."

He led the way to Sarin's bedroom.

"Here's your room. Ask me if you need anything."

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Sarin stepped inside and looked around, he grabbed Andres' hand before the man had a chance to go and pulled him inside. He shut the door behind them and leaned against the man's chest, snuggling close for comfort.

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Andres felt his chest tighten. He wrapped his arms around Sarin. Tears streamed down his cheeks.

"I'm so sorry...about everything...but, please...don't leave me."

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"I'm not gonna leave... I'd never leave you" Sarin whimpered, clinging to him. "When... When I said I didn't want to be alone I meant that even when I spent time with other people I felt alone... You're the only person I actually felt safe and relaxed around..." He sniffled, trying to blink back tears. "You're the only person who makes me feel like I'm not actually alone..."

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Andres sniffed. Trying to calm himself. "Okay..."

He pulled away, wiping his eyes. "We should go rest. It's been super exhausting."

He left towards his room.

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Sarin tried not to show his disappointment as the man left. "Right... Goodnight..." He murmured, closing the door behind him. He didn't actually want to sleep alone but he thought that people would be suspicious if he shared a room with Andres.

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Andres entered his room and collapsed onto his bed. Falling asleep instantly.

 

He awoke several hours and laid in bed staring at the ceiling. He wondered if he'd be able to keep Sarin safe.

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It took hours for Sarin to get to sleep. He kept thinking about what he had just learned about Andres. Even though the man said he would be safe he kept thinking that one of them might end up dead before he knew it. He finally passed out from complete exhaustion. After just a couple hours he woke up again from a nightmare, his body shaking in terror.

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Andres decided to go see Sarin. He missed him and was worried about him. He stood up and left his room. The hallway was dark, he tiptoed towards Sarin's bedroom. Once he got there, he knocked.

"Sarin...It's me...are you awake?" He whispered.

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Sarin took a couple deep breaths to keep himself from sounding so upset. "Y-yeah, I'm awake... You can come in" He called out, just loud enough for the man to hear.

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