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Remembrance (pigeon x pandamonium)


pandamonium
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"R-right..." Sarin still couldn't relax. He looked over the menu and ordered when the waitress came over, but he didn't say anything more than that. He was terrified of making Andres yell at him again.

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Andres smiled at the waitress as he ordered a dark coffee for himself. He turned to Sarin.

"You seem rather tense. Is it because of me? I would never hurt you Sarin. I love you too much."

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Sarin hunched over a little, keeping his gaze on the table. "I made you upset... I don't wanna make you upset anymore... I just want to make you happy but... It's hard to think nicely about myself... So I say bad things about myself... And then you get mad" His voice trembled as he spoke.

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Giving a soft sigh, Andres leaned forward. "It's fine. I'll try to keep my temper at bay. I don't want to scare you off. It'll make me really sad to lose you."

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"You won't lose me... Even if you did hurt me..." Sarin trailed off and looked away. "I'd only leave if you kicked me out, I don't value myself enough to run away to protect myself" He managed to smile slightly and looked up at Andres. "So... You have to protect me and teach me to value myself until I can do it myself... Okay?"

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Andres chuckled into his hand. "Fine. I'll take the challenge, but you honestly need to try your part. I don't want you becoming too dependent on me. I don't want you losing who you are."

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"I know..." Sarin looked down at the table again. "I've just never really tried to have any confidence. It always felt like it would just make it harder to survive..." he fidgeted with his sleeves. "Now I actually have a reason to work on that"

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Andres frowned. "In my soon-to-be profession...confidence and charisma are needed as well as good instincts and intelligence. Otherwise, you risk your life and the life of those you care for. So...I'll help you as much as a can. So don't be afraid, alright?"

He smiled. Reaching forward for Sarin's hand.

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Sarin hesitated for a moment before taking his hand. "Thanks..." He gave it a light squeeze before leaning forward on the table again. "Are you going to be really busy with work soon?"

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"Honestly... Anywhere is fine as long as I can live with you" Sarin dropped his gaze to the table. "You saw what a shitty place I was living in... All the places we went to together seemed like dream homes. As long as we're living together I'll know that you'll come home to me, no matter how busy you are."

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Andres smiled. "I'm glad. I actually have decided on a place. Well move I'm as soon as possible!"

He grinned, excited for their new life together.

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Sarin perked up at the news. "Really? How soon can we move in? I haven't unpacked my stuff at all so I'll be ready whenever you are" The waitress brought over their orders and set them down on the on table before walking off again.

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"I was thinking by the end of the week. It'll give us enough chance to get our things packed. What foo you think?"

He sipped the warm drink he ordered. Leaving back on the seat.

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"That sounds perfect" Sarin smiled and took a sip of the chicken noddle soup he had ordered. "I can't wait to finally get to sleep snuggled up to you" His cheeks flushed softly at admitting it.

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A blush formed on Andres' own cheeks. "Same here. It'll be like we're married! Oh! I'll even learn how to cook so I can make you breakfast before you go to work! Maybe I'll even make an entrance like those old sitcoms when i come back from meetings!"

He began to laugh at his own jokes before taking another sip of his cup.

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Sarin laughed softly. "I'm gonna have to go to college before I get a full time job. I can pay you back for the classes once I get an actual job, for now I can just get something part time and look for the nearest community college" he took a sip of his tea.

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Andres brightened up. "That's a great idea! I personally can't go to college...my parents don't really see a point in that when they can teach me everything I need to know. Oh! Maybe you'll make friends and get to hang out with them after class! I wouldn't mind paying for your classes and any expenses. I just remember you mentioning wanting a job. I'd prefer you focus solely in your studies, but if you want a part-time job, I won't stop you. I don't want to control you..."

He said laughing, finishing his cup and setting it down in the table.

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"I'd just feel really guilty if I was making you pay for everything..." Sarin poked at the noddles in his soup, his cheeks growing pink. "But.. If I get a job I won't be able to see you as often, because I'd probably work on weekends and stuff" He filled his mouth with soup to avoid saying anything else.

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"Sarin...there are things I haven't told you and I'd rather not tell you. Well not yet..." His expression grew serious. Voice turning into a whisper. "All I will say is this: there my come a day where one of three things may occur. One: I may meet an untimely death. Two: I may be arrested. Or three: I might have to disappear. If any that happens...I want to be able to spend my entire time with you and spoiling you. It'll make me happy. So for just my sake...let me spoil you. It's my selfish attempt at being selfless."

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Sarin felt like he could cry but he quickly forced it down. His face took on an almost emotionless expression. "How long until you tell me..?" he asked in barely a whisper. "Are you gonna disappear one day and I won't even know why?" He poked his remaining soup with a spoon before pushing it away.

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Andres looked at his empty cup. "I'll tell you when the time comes. It's too soon. I remember revealing to you my family business and you freaked out. So, please understand if I'm not ready to tell you everything."

He leaned forward. "I don't plan on disappearing, it's just...something that might happen. It's just a precaution."

 

- - - Updated - - -

 

Andres looked at his empty cup. "I'll tell you when the time comes. It's too soon. I remember revealing to you my family business and you freaked out. So, please understand if I'm not ready to tell you everything."

He leaned forward. "I don't plan on disappearing, it's just...something that might happen. It's just a precaution."

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"I don't wanna be alone..." Sarin leaned down on the table, too tired and upset to argue. "Can we go back home soon? I'm getting really tired..." His shoulders trembled slightly at the thought of Andres leaving him.

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Andres nodded. "Yeah...Judy let me make a call. I kinda ran my way here."

He stood up ands left to make a call. Returning a couple minutes later. "Someone will come in a few minutes."

He sat back down. "Sarin...I never want to leave you or make you feel lonely. We should probably talk about this more. So...don't be afraid to tell me whatever is on your mind."

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  • 4 weeks later...

Sarin kept his head on the back, even when Andres returned. "Okay..." He stayed silent for another moment before sitting up. He moved to snuggled up to the man. "I love you..." He mumbled.

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