My Light and My Darkness (18+) < Zombie_In_A_Box & Atemluver >

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Eugine flinched slightly at what Jadon said and for a moment looked away. Jadon was right, but... "I can't just abandon my job." The blond tried to explain, feeling as if he was the patient at the moment. He shouldn't get this close to a patient about his... His illness! Patients weren't supposed to be the ones worrying for their doctor, right?

 

The doctor took in a short breath as his hand was taken - Jadon's hand was so warm... He couldn't just reject it, could he? Of course not. Eugine rubbed his face slightly with his other hand, slipping underneath his glasses to rub his tired eyes. "Jadon, please, can we not talk about this?" He asked again, a bit of desperation seeping in. When he pulled his hand away from his face, the blond let out a soft smile and gently squeezed his patient's hand. "It's not healthy for you to worry too much." He talked quietly, hoping to just brush off everything Jadon said. By now, people didn't say anything about wether he was too fat or too skinny. No, it was all in his own head... He was the one doing this to himself.

[Atemluver]

"Doctor, your illness is keeping you from doing your best work at your job. It would be better for you to take a break and come back to work, rather than just power through it. Plus you're making your patients worry, that's not good now is it?" Jadon held onto the doctors hand all while he spoke.

 

Jadon frowned when the doctor tried to change the subject. He didn't have time for this, heck he could be dead tomorrow so he had to give it his all today. "No doctor I can't, I won't drop the subject. For all I know I could die tomorrow and if I don't say what I want to say now I might never get the chance to." Jadon didn't quite know why he did what did next, but for some reason it just felt right. Jadon embraced the doctor into a tight hug before he spoke, "Doctor....Eugine. You're perfect the way you are, don't hurt yourself like this. You're beautiful, and don't let yourself tell you anything different."

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

A shaky sigh left Eugine's mouth as Jadon continued talking. A sad smile soon grew on his face as he looked at the other. "You're the only one who noticed." He muttered out, his long fingers gently holding his patient's hand. His fingers were slightly bony, maybe even uncomfortable to feel like that, but... He didn't feel the need to let go at all.

 

Especially when Jadon continued talking... And pulled him into a hug. By then, the blond would've begun crying, if he wasn't in this exact situation. He bit down on his lip and squeezed his eyes shut as he hugged back lightly, as if he needed the touch... He did, maybe. It was too long since he had any kind of a deeper relationship. "I can assure you, I won't let you die tomorrow." The doctor said first, his eyes still closed, chin on Jadon's shoulder. Once he was sure that he'd regained his calmness, the blond pulled away a bit with a soft smile, looking at his patient. "Thank you, however." He said softly, gratefullness sparkling in his eyes. "I really appreciate what you said..." The doctor said honestly and smiled. He didn't agree, nor did he disagree... One patient really couldn't change much, especially seeing that they'd only met today.

[Atemluver]

Jadon could feel the doctors skinny hands upon his own. Jadon didn't mind them to be quite honest, his hands were just about as boney and skinny so he really didn't have much he could complain about. "I notice a lot of things that others don't doctor." He said quietly as he held the doctors hand. Some things were just so obvious, but for some reason some people just didn't notice.

 

Jadons eyes grew sad when he heard the doctor assure that he wouldn't die tomorrow. He knew the doctor was just trying to help but, he knew the man was lying. If it was decided that it was his time the doctor couldn't do anything to stop nature from taking its course. Well at least the doctor looks like he's doing better, and that's all that really mattered to Jadon. "You're welcome doctor." He said with a soft smile, but to tell the truth Jadon couldn't shake his own feelings of insecurity about his own health, although his health was out of his control.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Eugine pulled back with a soft sigh, his arms soon leaving Jadon's body and its warmth. His brown eyes turned back into the serious state as he tilted his head, his lips pursed slightly. "Did you take your medicine?" The doctor asked quietly as he turned away to grab his papers. The blond looked up, almost as if he was pretending that the previous conversation didn't happen. He didn't like talking about his own health or anything of the sort... Doctors weren't supposed to get sick, right? Or, at least not on purpose...

 

Maybe he should get a psychologist after all. The thought only passed his mind once as he was sitting in the chair, soon shaking it off. He could do this by himself. He'd just get over this and forget it... The doctor smiled slightly at Jadon before glancing up, then through the window. "I don't plan on letting you die any time soon."

[Atemluver]

Jadon watched as the doctor pulled away from him. Eugine put back on his serious face and continued his visit. Jadon found it quite impressive that the doctor could go back to such a professional state so quick. Although Jadon was still worried that Doctor Eugine would forget everything that happened today and go back to his old ways. Jadon didn't know why, but he just didn't want that. If he couldn't get better himself, at least the doctor should be able to get better.

 

Jadon gave doctor Eugine a soft smile at his comment of not letting him die anytime soon. He was human after all, and he wanted to live as much as the next guy, but he just wasn't sure that his body could get over his illness. "Okay doctor I trust you. But, if nature has it's way promise me that won't blame yourself." Jadon's expression was serious as he spoke, the last thing he wanted was for his death to cause the doctor to become even more bulimic.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Eugine's expression softened once again at what Jadon said next. "I won't." He promised with a soft smile on his face. "You still haven't answered if you took your medicine." He reminded the other with a soft sigh. The blond scribbled something down in his papers before glancing up with warm brown eyes.

 

A quiet sigh left the doctor's mouth before he stood up, his hair falling slightly into his eyes. "Either way, I'll be here tomorrow at one. If there are any more issues, please contact a nurse... I'll get here as soon as possible if needed." The blond said with a light smile. His working hours were indeed over, seeing as he worked in here from early in the morning - from 5 am already. Before going home he would still search for that bird pillow he saw sometime ago... Now he felt like he was a bit in debt to Jadon, actually. He wanted to make the other feel okay as soon as possible... He wanted him to get friends, and actually live his life to the fullest, even with his illness.

[Atemluver]

Jadon smiled as Doctor Eugine answered his promise. It was like a huge weight was lifted off of his chest, the last thing he wanted was for his existence to be a burden on Doctor Eugine. "Don't worry I took it, it tasted awful but I took it anyway." Besides the Chemo the doctors made him take a few other medications, two in the morning and two at night. The night time one made him a little sleepy, but the doctors probably did that on purpose.

 

Jadon could feel his eyelids grow heavier with each blink of his eyes. He just wanted to go to bed now, but doctor Eugine kept talking, about what he wasn't sure. "O-okay Doctor Eugine.....good night..." The pink eyed boy mumbled before closing his eyes and falling asleep almost instantly. The good thing about the medicine the doctors made him take was that it always gave Jadon interesting dreams. Sometimes he even wished that he could live in his dream worlds, free from pain and suffering.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Eugine let out a quiet chuckle as he nodded at the other's response. "Well, they'll help you get better." He promised with a smile as he watched his patient carefully. When the other fell asleep, Eugine still had a smile on his face. "Sweet dreams..." He murmured out absentmindedly before leaving the room, then the hospital itself. It was time to spend some time in the shops, it seemed...

 

He ended up getting home a few hours later, with a big bird-pillow in his arms. He'd bring this to Jadon later... He also, in fact, managed to grab a few other plushies for some kid patients he got. That would make them happy... The blond immediately went to bed after that - well, almost immediately. He took a shower and drank his medicine, then carefully washed off the layer of powder he used to hide his scars from cuts. He shouldn't... And still, he ended up doing that. Only then did he manage to fall asleep peacefully.

[Atemluver]

That night instead of Jadon's usual 'happy dreams', he was plagued with a terrifying nightmare. All Jadon could see around him was pitch black, no matter where he turned to there was no sign that there was, or ever had been any source of light. He heard voices all around him, he knew those voices, it was the voices of his parents. Why did we have to have such a weak son like him? xxxxx Is a much better son than Jadon. It's a good thing he's terminal, now we don't have to see him anymore, it'll be like he never existed. "N-no, stop...don't....It's not my fault!" He screamed at the nothingness around him, dropping down to his knees and covering his ears with his hands to block out the voices. He should just die already, hes such a burden. "No!" He batted away at the darkness, not wanting to listen anymore. Against his will the darkness crept up his legs, climbing higher and higher, before wrapping itself around his neck cutting off his breath.

 

"NO!!!!!!" Jadon screamed as he sat up in bed, covered in sweat from the terror of his dream. His eyes scanned the room, and he slowly realized that he was back in the hospital, and it was just a dream. Still, he could not stop his body from shaking, nor the tears that now flowed freely from his eyes. Jadon knew that a nurse was going to come in any second now, but he didn't want them to see him like this. He shouldn't be crying, hes twenty one, but no matter how much he wishes for his tears to stop, they don't seem to listen.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Asher was sitting peacefully, reading through a magazine, seeing as it was a break for him. However, he was asked to spend the night in because another nurse had to leave suddenly... A soft sigh slipped past the plump lips as his brown eyes ran their gaze over a page of the magazine. As usually, he was reading a psychology magazine. He liked those, and he wasn't really sure why... Oh well, the point was that he enjoyed reading them.

 

However, he was soon asked to check on Jadon. Seemed like a doctor that'd been rushing into a surgery heard something coming from his room. The nurse quickly walked to the room only to find Jadon sweaty, tears on his cheeks. Immediately, panic rose inside as he hurried to the other, gently placing his hands on his shoulders as he let out a breath. "What happened? Is something wrong? Does it hurt anywhere?" He questioned quietly, trying to remain calm in case it was something like a panic attack. He never knew, maybe Jadon had those... The nurse gently wiped off his tears and let out an assuring smile. "Did you have a bad dream?" He finally asked, seriousness in his eyes. Patients in hospitals often had nightmares, and honestly, this could've been just that.

[Atemluver]

Before Jadon had time to even think the nurse from before was in his room asking him questions. He wasn't sure why but just having the nurse there calmed him the slightest. Jadon let out a few ragged breaths as he felt the nurse wipe away the tears in his eyes. "S-sorry....I...didn't mean to..." The boy cast his pink eyes away from the nurse towards the floor. The nurse was probably busy and all he was doing was taking up his time, plus he was crying. A grown man, in tears, it was embarrassing and Jadon hated himself for it.

 

After a few minutes Jadon could feel himself finally calm down enough to talk coherently. "Sorry...It was just a bad dream...I didn't mean to interrupt your shift...." He trailed off, feeling terrible. But after such a terrifying nightmare, he didn't know if he could go back to sleep, or he was just too scared to.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Asher let out a soft sigh as he sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled Jadon to himself, gently holding him in his arms. He'd done this to his own kids so many times, this didn't even feel weird with another person anymore. Gently stroking his back to calm the other down, he sighed out quietly. "You don't have to apologize for this, you know..." He muttered out softly, gently rocking the man's body to hopefully calm him.

 

The man only pulled away when he was sure that Jadon had calmed down. He smiled softly at the other and lightly shook his head. "You didn't, I'm always here to help anyone who needs it." The dark-skinned nurse said softly as he smiled. "Can you go back to sleep?" Asher asked quietly, his eyes warm and somewhat understanding... "And why do you keep on apologizing?"

[Atemluver]

Jadons eyes widened as Asher pulled him close, holding him like one would a child. Jadon knew how old he was, and that he shouldn't be having a nurse do something like this for him, but still it felt comforting. Jason had never been held like this before, so he was unsure of what to do at first, but he just decided to relax in the others arms.

 

When Jadon felt Asher pull away from him, he felt a little sad that the embrace didn't last longer. It felt..nice. But then the nurse mentioned something he just didn't want to hear, sleep. To be quite honest he was scared to go back to sleep, he didn't want to have more nightmares. "N-no...I don't want to go to sleep..." He murmured before hearing the nurses other question. "B-because....I'm an adult, and adults shouldn't be acting like this...Adults don't cry...or need to be held like a child...And it's all my fault...everything always is."

 

Jadon pulled his knees to his chest as a painful expression appeared on his face. "Why do you think my parents never come, they hate me. I was born and their lives turned to hell. I was always sick, and not to mention I was this white haired freak. But then my little brother was born and they were happy again. He was never sick, nor cried, he was the perfect child. I mean...I'm not trying to complain, but they treated me like I never was born. They never even told me they loved me...isn't that something parents do?" Jadon looked down at the floor, trying to hold back his tears that pricked at his eyes. "And when I was finally old enough they sent me to boarding school so they didn't have to look at me. I haven't seen my parents since junior high... I-I know I shouldn't be complaining, there are people who are starving and stricken with poverty, and some people are dying of cancer....." Jadon paused as soon as he finished his sentence, but he was dying of cancer. He was one of those people.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Asher nodded in understanding when the other said he didn't want to go back to sleep. "That's fine, but then I'd suggest taking another bath..." As he said that, he gently wiped off some sweat from Jadon's forehead. As usually, his touch was soft and gentle, somewhat loving... A bit motherly. The nurse often saw his patients as his own family members who just needed help.

 

Asher's brows furrowed at what he heard next. "Nonsense. Adults do cry, and you've got every reason to do that if you're sad." He answered quietly, reaching out to lightly stroke his hair. "Do you want me to stay with you for now?" The nurse asked softly, a smile on his face.

 

While listening to the other talk, Asher never stopped stroking his hair. He knew that the motion was calming - or at least he thought so himself. His fingers ran delicately over the sweaty strands while he let out a sigh. "You do know none of this is your fault, right? Fine, so your parents didn't show you the love they should've showed... You're always free to find people to surround yourself with which are actually good. Jadon, parents aren't the only family you have, you know." The nurse said with a soft smile as he lightly took the other's hand, gently holding it. "Besides, just because your problems are less doesn't mean you should ignore them." He muttered out, yet the last words got a bit stuck in his head. "...And you're not going to die from cancer. Doctor Menwood will treat you, I just know it." The dark-skinned male promised with a warm smile.

[Atemluver]

The suggestion of a bath sounded nice to Jadon. He liked how the warm water felt on his skin, it was soothing. "I would like a bath..." He told the nurse as he felt the warmth from the others hand on his forehead, wiping off his sweat. Asher was different from the other nurses, the other nurses were nice, but not as caring as Asher. All Jadon could think about was how lucky Ashers children must be to have a loving father.

 

But the nurse must be wrong, adults are supposed to be strong, not to show emotion. Well except for women, that was the exception. 'Sad'? Is that what Jadon felt? He shook his head slightly at the word. "No...I'm not sad....a better word would be 'lonely'." That was right, Jadon stopped feeling sad when he was in high school, now all that's left is loneliness.

 

"Not my fault?" Jadon looked up at the nurse as he spoke. Of course it was his fault, he was what made his parents so miserable. "Find people? But no one wants to be with me....I've never had a friend....everyone thinks I'm weird." The nurses touch was gentle, soothing even. He felt full of hope, for a second. Maybe he really could be happy? But the nurses next statement made Jadons expression go cold. If only what the nurse said was true. If only he could live a long happy life, but he knew he couldn't. He had no idea why so many nurses kept installing this false sense of hope in him. He knew he was going to die, so why should they lie about it to make him feel better? More importantly, how can Doctor Menwood cure him when he has his own battles to fight. Jadon stayed silent and stared out the window at the night lights of the city.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Asher nodded instantly when Jadon expressed his wish for a bath. "Of course, come on then." He said with a warm smile, offering his hands to the other so he could get out of the bath. "Are you sure you don't need the wheelchair?" He questioned carefully, hoping not to make things worse. The nurse would hate to make Jadon feel bad, or anything of the sort. He'd feel as if he failed his job as a nurse like that.

 

His brown eyes narrowed slightly at what the man said next. "That can be fixed easily. There's a ton of people in this hospital with similar fates as you - why not try to befriend some of them?" He offered quietly, his expression serious. "Besides, the nurses here are your friends too... Or, well, at least I hope to be your friend someday." He added softly and smiled. "Look, all I'm trying to say that this isn't the time to give up. The human's brain can do a lot of things! If you believe that you can be cured... There's a bigger chance that you will be." The nurse said with a soft smile as he took the other's hand. "Please, don't give up, okay?"

 

"Not everyone finds you weird. I don't find you weird." Asher argued with a small frown that soon turned into a caring smile. "Come on, it's time to find people to talk to. If you don't want to use a wheelchair, I'll gladly help you walk around the hospital, or get to the garden." The dark-skinned male promised with a warm, loving expression as he gave his hand a light squeeze. Asher was a very positive person in general - and he was always trying to make others like that too.

[Atemluver]

Jadon reached out to the nurses outstretched hand. Even though it was incredibly hard for Jadon to walk, he still didn't want to have to rely on a wheelchair. If possible, he wanted to still be able to walk with by his own power. "No..I'm fine..I don't want a wheelchair." He looked away from the nurse as he spoke, hoping the nurse would just drop the subject.

 

He shook his head at the nurses next comment. True he was lonely, but people are mean. They are just going to be like the kids at his high school and college. Jadon kept avoiding the nurses gaze, he didn't like where this conversation was going, and he didn't want to remember back to high school. "...No...I don't want to." He pulled his hand away from the others grasp. "..I-I don't like people.."

 

When they finally got back to Jadon's room, he quickly got back into the bed, wanting to avoid the rest of the nurses conversation. He knew it was a cowardly thing to do, but he just didn't want to talk about this anymore. Granted, the nurse's here are not mean like the kids he knew from school, but still, he just didn't want to get close to anyone. Although, he didn't mind being with Doctor Eugine, rather, he wanted to spend more time with the doctor. Was it because he wanted to help the doctor with his illness, or could it be something else? Either way, Jadon was starting to feel drowsy, and he just wanted to sleep.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Asher didn't comment on the wheelchair anymore. It was clear that he wasn't one to make Jadon get into it. Maybe doctor Menwood would manage at some point, but... Really, this guy seemed too stubborn sometimes. It would only be good for him! Well, at least that was what the nurse thought while pulling him out of the bed. He immediately wrapped an arm around his waist to hold him up, a smile on his face.

 

However, it was off his face at what Jadon said next. The nurse pursed his lips and, with rather sharp eyes, looked at Jadon. "I won't take this from you. I will force you to go around the hospital if needed, but you are not staying here alone. There's a really nice girl named Lily here, she has skin cancer... Bob, he broke his leg not too long ago... Then there's Emilia, also with leukemia as you, there are so many people in here that you can be friends with! None of them will be mean." He talked while walking to the bathroom. "So, it's decided. I'll come tomorrow and we'll go around the hospital." He announced, and it was obvious as hell he wasn't changing this no matter what.

 

While Jadon was washing, Asher quickly changed the sheets on his bed and then went back to help him wash up. He sighed quietly when the other was back in bed. He placed a hand on his forehead for a moment before pulling away completely. "I'll leave some sedatives here if you need them, and feel free to call one of us if you need it again." He said with a smile and turned away. The dark-skinned nurse began walking out of the room, his hands in pockets. He'd make Jadon find friends no matter what.

[Atemluver]

Jadon looked away from the nurse as he yelled at Jadon to find these 'friends' he was talking about. Well, Asher didn't exactly yell, but to Jadon it felt like it. "No..." He said softly, not liking what the nurse was telling him. "I still have some rights you know, you can't make me go anywhere. Plus did you forget I was on chemo? What if I catch a cold from someone while wandering around the hospital? Then what?" Jadon could feel a pout form on the corners of his face. He knew it was selfish and rude, but he just didn't want to be around people. People are mean, and they'll only hurt him, just like last time...

 

Jadon could tell that it was getting increasingly hard for him to move from his bed to the bathroom. The simple task left him exhausted and out of breath, it wouldn't be too long before he wasn't able to walk at all.. He let out a small sigh as he curled up in his bed. As much as he hated college life, anything was better than this. He didn't particularly dislike nurse Asher, but he just didn't know how to interact with people. "Okay..." he mumbled as he buried his face into one of the pillows. To be honest, he didn't feel like he needed the sedatives since he was already tired from today. Jadon could feel his eyes close as he drifted off into a deep sleep.

 

By the time Jadon opened his eyes again, it was already noon. He sometimes managed to surprise himself with just how long he could sleep. Just being awake for not even a minute, Jadon could tell that he already didn't feel well. He had a terrible pounding headache, and his stomach was in knots. He went to go run his fingers through his hair to try and soothe his headache, but by doing so he discovered a shocking new symptom. For some reason when he ran his fingers through his hair he could pull out chunks of his hair. "N-no...it...can't be.."

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Asher stopped talking and frowned. Alright, then he'd get the people to him instead. He wasn't letting this go, as long as Jadon didn't request for him to be replaced. The nurse sighed quietly as he looked at his patient a bit sadly. This guy just had to meet a few people like him and get himself friends, then maybe he wouldn't be so much against wheelchairs either. Lily had gotten on chemos a while ago, so she would probably be the best... Yeah, he'd talk to her about this tomorrow. Or maybe today, if she was still awake.

 

The dark-skinned nurse left the room once he was sure that Jadon was asleep. Now, off to other patients... And Lily, he hoped she would still be awake. He wasn't letting this go for sure. He wanted to find the other friends, even if he had to goddamn force them onto him. He spent enough time alone in the hospital, and his pessimistic view on life was getting on his nerves the slightest bit.

 

The next morning, Eugine came into the hospital sooner than he'd intended to. Of course, his first stop was Jadon - he would be his first patient every morning. The doctor knocked gently on the door before stepping in, only to find his patient terrified. Well, it seemed he was, at least. The reason was soon found when he could see chunks of hair in his hands. The blond sighed softly as he walked towards the other and let out a small, calming smile. "This is completely normal." He said softly and gently removed the other's hands from his hair. "The medicine will get you better." The doctor talked as he pulled out his papers. "How are you feeling? Any discomfort besides your hair?" He questioned, his sleeves pulled up to nearly his mid-palms. He wanted to make sure that no one saw his bandages.