Self-Acceptance question.

[andredmcampos]

So, the idea for this thread was born from a conversation I was having with

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I believe most (or at least a good ammount of) people in this forum are either homossexual or bissexual or non-heterossexual is some way. I myself have only recently come to terms with myself and accepted my bissexuality, so, for the question:

 

How was, for You, the process of accepting Yourself as a (insert non-heterossexual orientation here)?

 

 

For my answer: It was a long struggle. For so long I have put up a speech of "people like people, not genders" while fighting against myself to accept that it was ok for me to have interest in both men and women. I was so hypocriticall that I couldn't even notice it. I started making excuses and exceptions to my interests, telling myself that it was ok to like animes like 'carneval' and 'free', even if I was shipping for the 'gay couples' because I was cheering for romance, not for "gay love", that my liking for Yaoi went by with such an excuse as 'Just because I like seeing it doesn't mean I like doing it' and such. That went on untill the moment I was so surrounded by excuses that I had no other option than accepting myself. Since that moment, I feel somewhat light, happy that I could stop lying to myself, that I could stop my inner conflict, like the weight on my shoulders have finally lifted.

[itsapanda16]

How was, for You, the process of accepting Yourself as a (insert non-heterossexual orientation here)?

Hi, Maya chuckles*. I think it was hard for me coming to terms with being bisexual. I knew when I was in high school. Well subconsciously, if I were to look at it in hindsight.

 

I had a classmate who was openly gay confessed to me and I remember freaking out. I flat out denied it and rejected her. I still denied it until I got into college and never though twice about it, until, one day I found myself liking another female classmate. The same high school classmate confessed again in college around the same time. I found myself fighting it even though I had already came to terms with it. I guess I was still in that transitional stage where I was still smack dab in the middle and it didn't help that my family was traditional and what not. Ultimately, it took me a few years.

[sarah3161]

That's a very great topic

I am bisexual, it was really hard and complicated which I will explain why and how:

 

I always liked girls in school, I had my first girl at the age 13 .

I thought my liking for girls was because ;

1) I never mix with boys (boys and girls are segregated here >_> ) I do get attracted to men sometimes. I even though I was bi curious in some point.

 

2) (when I was somehow brainwashed with the religion part like going to hell and blah blah... ) I never wanted to admit it to myself. .. I used to say that people are free to love and I never judge them but for me it was a taboo >_> I hated myself a lot and thought I was like those molesters.

 

 

I admit it to myself at the age 25 about 3 month ago, I'm no longer attached to religion since I don't need it to be a good person , I told myself "you know what, you like men and women and there is no wrong in that since it won't change anything in the planet ..period. "

Of course I am NEVER admitting that here because it's a serious crime -_- we may leave one day and then I would tell my mother and sisters

 

Anyway, the conclusion of all of that is that self - acceptance may not be easy and it would take time, don't rush up , take your time

Try to analyze the things that you may not like about yourself,

I guess the reason we get scared from those things it's because it's new, you realize you don't know yourself as you thought you did

 

Not only I accepted my sexuality, but I also accepted my way of dressing and cut my hair. (Gender expression, I had problems accepting that part too )

I never cared about labeling my sexuality or my gender expression , I only cared about it recently to know my self better

 

I think self discovering never stops at one point ....

I accept my self and even my family accepted the way I dress and stuff....

the thing I am working on now is my anger management problem which is another story that I won't bore you about ^_^

[Katla]

I am asexual.

 

I have been struggling all my life to come to terms with myself.

 

I tried to be 'normal' - had sex with people without wanting to because I wanted to be accepted and be like everybody else. I wanted to feel something for someone. I honestly had sex with anyone that asked without even thinking about my own feelings for a second. I tried to force myself to stop being different, to stop feeling cold to someone that'd come near me. I simply had to be in a relationship or have sex partners, and had to be happy that way. Like I was shutting out the possibility that maybe things weren't meant to be like that. Despite the fact that I disconnected from my body each and every time I was touched. Boys have said "What are you 'cold'? (As in sexually cold - frozen fish, unsure of more ways to describe in English) and truly it was the worst thing that anyone could say to me. Because that was how I felt. I felt frozen on the inside if I so much as kissed someone.

 

I was never happy. I hated myself and I hated everybody around me. I especially hated the people I dated or slept with. Despite dating wonderful people that really tried to help me when it was obvious that I had issues, I still fed on the hate. And now, even if I have finally come somewhat to terms with who I am and what's been going on, I still often wonder if I was 'made' asexual - or if it's just -who- I am. I was abused by a teenage girl when I was a child and my first sexual encounter with a male was when I was raped at 15 by a man twice my age. But I feel like that doesn't really haunt me. I have already worked that out quite a bit with some help.

 

Maybe I'll never be able to find out if I was made this way or not, maybe things will even change for me in the future, maybe I'm not sure if it really matters. Dwelling on the past can never really be a good thing.

 

I guess I have still some ways to go in fully accepting myself and working things out for the better, but I've at least started the journey and have taken some steps forward. I've worked out way more than I would have hoped for, and am just glad to be still around. I can let myself write about sex and read about sex and have some fun and giggles - but never again will I let myself be touched unless I truly believe it is what -I- want. Unless I honestly feel a sexual attraction to someone, the pants are staying on!

 

What I think matters most is the fact that I am happier without dating or having sex. Much happier when I don't force myself to accept the company of others. I feel happier when I can accept that I don't need those things in order to be happy. It is fine to be alone, not everybody need a partner or a family. It's probably the most important things for me to accept, so my journey of self acceptance is still going - but it is going good.

 

(I didn't really mean to write an essay, but well. *sweat drop*)

[JohnlockForLife]

I have this vivid memory of sitting in my band class, looking at this girl. I didn't have my instrument, so for the entire time I just looked at the sea of people before me playing their instruments. Out of every person in this room, my eyes lay on this dirty blond girl playing the clarinet; she's so beautiful, and till his day I could feel my little sixth grade heart tighten and my cheeks turn red. She must have felt my creepy state, because she looked right at me with her electric eyes and gives me this look of disgust. Another girl checking her out? How gross is that? I felt so embarrassed! Here I am being the new girl at school, caught checking out this girl from my band class. I was so scared she'd tell everyone, but she didn't.

 

I shoved that deep inside of my gut, and tried to tell myself it was normal - every girl looks at another and thinks "wow so pretty!" It wasn't until my sophomore year of high school I got my first boyfriend, and this began this cycle of "I reall like you, let's get together until you kiss me and I feel the need to run, because I'm really just not feeling it!" It wasn't until I my second boyfriend, that I really started to coming to terms with liking girls, so I started identifying as a bisexual! The second relationship went on for like two weeks, until my friend (let's call her Amy) confessed to me! I've had a crush on her for a while, so of course I said yes!

This relationship lasted about 7 and a half months, and it really opened my eyes. Kissing her was like kissing a rainbow, while kissing men felt like wearing acid as lipstick. Stupidly though, after we broke up I started saying I was pansexual. This went on for about a year. I got two boyfriends, one of them being a guy my parents just wanted me to be with. It was like their ship went canon when we got together. This guy was really sweet. He bought me food, we binged watched Supernatural - it was awesome! But every time we kissed, or I told him I loved him it just didn't feel right.

I got sick of being confused, so I started to really look at the word sexuality. Would I ever sleep with this guy? Would I sleep with any guy? I thought in this for a good month, before I knew that j would never sleep with not just this man, but any man!

Men are like a pair of high heels for me - sure they're cute, but would o ever be able to wear them? No! I'd fall on my face. We're not compatible.

It's a pretty boring story, but hey, it's my story!