Need of serious dating advice!

[VP]

This is so embarrassing for me to write. cheetah15

 

so please try to respect..

 

Here's the thing, I'm a complete loser when it comes to these kinds of things. What often happens to me is I get on a date with some guy and a week later he'll be gone without a trace. It sure is hilarious and comical in a sense when you hear your friend tell you that. But lately, it has really affected my self esteem. It's not that I hate myself or anything, in fact I love myself but this continuous rejection keeps hitting me harder and harder every single time some guy vanishes after I thought we had a great thing going on. Sometimes, I even thought of just forgetting the whole romance thing and just be asexual but obviously you really can't just be one.

 

:hamtaro-005 (21):

 

is the generation today really like that? Am I too old-fashioned to just want to have some partner who I can share happy and sometimes crazy stuff?

 

It's not like I'm asking for some prince that lives in a castle to rescue me... but why does it seem impossible to find someone who's single and share mutual feelings about one another. ~sigh

 

I don't think I'm not qualified for dating..

 

but I might be wrong.. who knows.. that's why I want a nice advice..

 

I'm 23.

eats healthily.

I do cycling as my exercise at least thrice a week.

I love learning new things.

Has colorful dreams.

 

Here's my current pic (I'm a boy who likes boys):

 

 

 

 

I am very particular in the way I dress.

I always make sure I look cute and smell good.

and Im actually very open minded to the point that I think

I understand most people. but.... I just dont know what's wrong

'

Am I just THAT "special" that no one even genuinely likes me?

 

Thank you for anyone who'll care..

[andredmcampos]

Well, I've never been in a relationship with another guy, so my advice may prove completely useless, but here are a few things I've learned from relationships in general:

 

1. Being cute and pretty may get You five to fifteen minutes of attention, but that's it, at the end of the day, people want partners, not models. It's more important to be someone funny that can make the other person's life better than to be handsome.
   
2. Cute is ok, childish is not. I don't mean to imply You are, it's just a general rule that I see ignored ever so often. Relationships take maturity. Colorfull dreams, cuteness, 'kawaii'ness are great but won't get You far. Certain aspects of a relation take maturity, seriousness and genuine care.
   
3. You have two ears and one mouth, there is a reason for that. Good partners are good listeners that can get in sync with the other person and help 'em trough tough times.
   
4. Relationships are not just about sex and romance. Sex is great -duh- and romance is awesome, but a good partner is a great friend before any of this. Take for example long-time-couples, they are best friends, more than boy/girl/[insert gender of preference]friends.
   
5. Don't be too easy-going. And I DO mean this for sex TOO. Truth is, more often than not I've seen people who make themselves too accessible and end up dumped because they gave everything they got at day one, i don't really have any explanation to why this happens, but statistically this happens more often than not.
   

 

Also, a few hints to help enchance Your choices of good hints:

 

• Your pic is not showing to me, maybe that's because of some privacy option, check this.
  
• Say where You are from. Culture has a BIG impact on social behaviors and beliefs. Chances are someone who's from the same country or at least from the same region will have the best hints.
  
• Also, tell us a bit about your habits. Where you're looking for company may hold the key info to help you solve the problem.
  

 

Also, lemme mark You so You can get a notification of the answer:

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[Ayakashiu]

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Here's the thing, I'm a complete loser when it comes to these kinds of things.

first, don't say this please :/ i'm not saying you this just to make you better, but it might have nothing to do with you that those people disappeared after one week! it takes to people to date, not just one, remember that

 

mm for advice, i'm not sure i should be the one giving one but..well i don't think you should change (if you considered that), you sound like a nice guy, so keep trying (and i know it's hard sometimes) and you might find someone for you..there are many people in the world but not all will be right for you ^^

but i agree that people in general love people who can listen to them ^^ also i personaly think it's nice to have a relaxing date, doing something you both like (or maybe the other person likes if you're asking them out) because people are more comfortable that way..or maybe try just hanging out with the person and some friends to get to know them better before asking them out to a date and then make that date about them, going to their fav places, doing what they like..stuff like that :3

although, it's kind of hard for me to give advice since i don't know you :/ so i wish you all the luck and please don't stop trying!!

[MisuChan]

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*hugz* it sucks but i think your awesome,

you are indeed nice and understanding

and im cheering for you to find the right guy that treats you right

and to tell you the truth i wouldnt be able to think of a reason for them treating you like that.

so dont go thinking its all you they might not be ready for a real relationship.

[VP]

Well, I've never been in a relationship with another guy, so my advice may prove completely useless, but here are a few things I've learned from relationships in general:

 

I gotta be honest, theories are great but reality is quite different.

 

Being cute and pretty may get You five to fifteen minutes of attention, but that's it, at the end of the day, people want partners, not models. It's more important to be someone funny that can make the other person's life better than to be handsome.

 

I understand where you are coming from and you got a point, The only reason I say that I take care of my looks is because people might give me vanity advices. But it's not like I'm obsessing over my looks, I'm have lots of issues physically but I don't think it's necessary to point each of them in this situation and even in real life!.

 

Cute is ok, childish is not. I don't mean to imply You are, it's just a general rule that I see ignored ever so often. Relationships take maturity. Colorfull dreams, cuteness, 'kawaii'ness are great but won't get You far. Certain aspects of a relation take maturity, seriousness and genuine care.

 

Being cute doesn't mean I'm not mature. Like I said, I'm very open minded to the point that I understand most people. I don't think being serious all the time is healthy for the relationship. And sure being cute won't get you too far but I believe having a personality and being yourself is number one 'key' for you to find someone who'll genuinely care for you and make your relationship sustainable.

 

It's just silly to me to give up my personality just to have a boyfriend. Sorry.

 

You have two ears and one mouth, there is a reason for that. Good partners are good listeners that can get in sync with the other person and help 'em trough tough times.

 

True, although I pay do pay attention to details

 

Relationships are not just about sex and romance. Sex is great -duh- and romance is awesome, but a good partner is a great friend before any of this. Take for example long-time-couples, they are best friends, more than boy/girl/[insert gender of preference]friends.

 

I'm actually a virgin. Im too scared to have sex with people I don't trust because I have friends who died with HIVs.

 

Don't be too easy-going. And I DO mean this for sex TOO. Truth is, more often than not I've seen people who make themselves too accessible and end up dumped because they gave everything they got at day one, i don't really have any explanation to why this happens, but statistically this happens more often than not.

 

Same as above

 

Your pic is not showing to me, maybe that's because of some privacy option, check this.

 

Say where You are from. Culture has a BIG impact on social behaviors and beliefs. Chances are someone who's from the same country or at least from the same region will have the best hints.

 

Also, tell us a bit about your habits. Where you're looking for company may hold the key info to help you solve the problem.

 

1. I'll fix it (but it's ironic that you point this out after you said looks isn't as important)

2. I'm from the Philippines, the reason I didn't state where I'm from is because I don't want to make petty excuses. I believe there are people in SF, CA who has same problems as me.

3. I will try to update this, but I'm not sure I can write something about myself in full details.

 

Thanks for your input

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xD

[VP]

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first, don't say this please :/ i'm not saying you this just to make you better, but it might have nothing to do with you that those people disappeared after one week! it takes to people to date, not just one, remember that

 

mm for advice, i'm not sure i should be the one giving one but..well i don't think you should change (if you considered that), you sound like a nice guy, so keep trying (and i know it's hard sometimes) and you might find someone for you..there are many people in the world but not all will be right for you ^^

but i agree that people in general love people who can listen to them ^^ also i personaly think it's nice to have a relaxing date, doing something you both like (or maybe the other person likes if you're asking them out) because people are more comfortable that way..or maybe try just hanging out with the person and some friends to get to know them better before asking them out to a date and then make that date about them, going to their fav places, doing what they like..stuff like that :3

although, it's kind of hard for me to give advice since i don't know you :/ so i wish you all the luck and please don't stop trying!!

 

Gomen, I'll try not to think this way.. but it's true.. I get super shy when a guy I like is inches from me... and most of the time I feel I'm not having a full control of myself if the guy I like is around.. and I'll regret not doing anything after he leaves me. -.- but yeah I have to not think that.

 

Maybe I'll go to anime conventions more often this year to meet guys who has same interest as me.. lol although it might be hard to determine if they're gay or not xD

 

- - - Updated - - -

 

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*hugz* it sucks but i think your awesome,

you are indeed nice and understanding

and im cheering for you to find the right guy that treats you right

and to tell you the truth i wouldnt be able to think of a reason for them treating you like that.

so dont go thinking its all you they might not be ready for a real relationship.

 

*hugs back* you're so nice

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thank you for being supportive. I really appreciate that

[MisuChan]

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im sure if you indeed go to comiccons and stuff you will find some cool friends and possibly a bf

who is out and ready for a real relationship whit you.

and one thing i have learned dont look for love because it might become forced let it find you and it will be a happy love

( it sounds sappy i know) but ish here for you!

[andredmcampos]

I gotta be honest, theories are great but reality is quite different.

 

True thing, that's why I started the message saying that what I say might prove useless, all my relationships were with women, xD.

 

I understand where you are coming from and you got a point, The only reason I say that I take care of my looks is because people might give me vanity advices. But it's not like I'm obsessing over my looks, I'm have lots of issues physically but I don't think it's necessary to point each of them in this situation and even in real life!.

 

Never said You were obsessing, never said You should point Your issues, it's just a generic advice I usually give people in this situation, if it doesn't suit You, just ignore it.

 

Being cute doesn't mean I'm not mature. Like I said, I'm very open minded to the point that I understand most people. I don't think being serious all the time is healthy for the relationship. And sure being cute won't get you too far but I believe having a personality and being yourself is number one 'key' for you to find someone who'll genuinely care for you and make your relationship sustainable.

 

So, here I think I might have misexpressed myself. I'm not saying that you are not mature. Actually, my sentence was "I don't mean to imply You are, it's just a general rule that I see ignored ever so often.", note this, since I don't know You, all I can give You are generall and generic advices, and Yes, that is something I see ever so often. And I never said that You shouldn't have personality, if I somehow gave that impression, I'm sorry.

 

It's just silly to me to give up my personality just to have a boyfriend. Sorry.

 

Again, never said You should. I never said You have to be mature all the time, no one can tolrate someone too serious. Sorry if that's what I gave the impression of meaning.

 

True, although I pay do pay attention to details

 

I'm actually a virgin. Im too scared to have sex with people I don't trust because I have friends who died with HIVs.

 

Wise decision.

 

Same as above

 

1. I'll fix it (but it's ironic that you point this out after you said looks isn't as important)

 

You tried to show something, it didn't show, so You got a functionality that didn't work as expected and I reported it to You. Where's the irony, again? And btw, I never said looks means nothing, I just said they are not everything neither are they the most important part of the equation.

 

2. I'm from the Philippines, the reason I didn't state where I'm from is because I don't want to make petty excuses. I believe there are people in SF, CA who has same problems as me.

 

Sure thing, there probably are, but it is a fact that the human being is affected by the society, so maybe the ideal solution for the guy in SF, CA is not the same as the ideal solution for you. MAYBE

 

3. I will try to update this, but I'm not sure I can write something about myself in full details.

 

Thanks for your input

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xD

 

So, One thing I noticed here is that You seems to have taken what I said as something offensive. I never had that intention, I'm giving You advices based on my relationships and those of my closest friends that I happen to witness. If they are not usefull for You, I'm deeply and really sorry, but just ignore them.

 

You went full defensive here, I do not advise this. This might get people intimidated in giving You advices fearing You might receive them not so well.

 

And again, If I somehow offended You, i'm sorry, I was trying my best to help You based on my previous experiences, if they weren't usefull, it's a pity.

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[alexia__]

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I've had a boy friend for 3 years so I'll give you some of the tips Ive done to keep him around.

 

When you meet someone (and keep in mind sometimes it won't work and that is perfectly normal) make sure you guys have common things. It can be anything really.

 

Ex: I play violin my bf plays saxophone

~the thing about having something in common is because you guys get to see the passion you have something individually, it is often found attractive when someone is very passionate towards something.

 

-Take things slow. ( I know we all desire those smut hot scenes from manga, but we r not in a manga x)

Taking things slow will let people stay around, the passionate kiss and sexy hugs is okay but smut full on don't take it too fast.

 

Ex: My bf and I first started 5 months into the relationship that then lead to what we have now.

-If this partner has been with you for less than 2 months and demands sex please don't give in. That's where the trap falls and I've seen this many many times that relationship won't go anywhere.

 

~Keep in touch ( cute message of "good morning" "thinking of u" "just saw something that reminded me of u"

-Pushy ness can drive people away ( this might not be your case but perhaps you're being to dry)

Just cute small things that puts smiles in anyone's face. This will lead to staying constantly in the thoughts of your partner which leads to love

 

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY!!

-Careful who you date!!!!!!

 

-we can all give you the advice you want but if you're dating some street play boy please don't lead yourself into believing that it will work. Find someone decent,

(It doesn't have to be a virgin or whatever just someone that you know.... Whont leave after a week) learn to read behind people's mind a little I've learned it works

[VP]

Well yeah, I have to at least explain myself cause even you meant it as "general" you're still talking to me and I need to clear things out before it blows out of proportions. If anyone's defensive, it's you.

[alexia__]

Also I think you're very attractive. So don't doubt your looks it's definetly not that ^\\\^

[VP]

I've had a boy friend for 3 years so I'll give you some of the tips Ive done to keep him around.

 

When you meet someone (and keep in mind sometimes it won't work and that is perfectly normal) make sure you guys have common things. It can be anything really.

 

Ex: I play violin my bf plays saxophone

~the thing about having something in common is because you guys get to see the passion you have something individually, it is often found attractive when someone is very passionate towards something.

 

-Take things slow. ( I know we all desire those smut hot scenes from manga, but we r not in a manga x)

Taking things slow will let people stay around, the passionate kiss and sexy hugs is okay but smut full on don't take it too fast.

 

Ex: My bf and I first started 5 months into the relationship that then lead to what we have now.

-If this partner has been with you for less than 2 months and demands sex please don't give in. That's where the trap falls and I've seen this many many times that relationship won't go anywhere.

 

~Keep in touch ( cute message of "good morning" "thinking of u" "just saw something that reminded me of u"

-Pushy ness can drive people away ( this might not be your case but perhaps you're being to dry)

Just cute small things that puts smiles in anyone's face. This will lead to staying constantly in the thoughts of your partner which leads to love

 

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY!!

-Careful who you date!!!!!!

 

-we can all give you the advice you want but if you're dating some street play boy please don't lead yourself into believing that it will work. Find someone decent,

(It doesn't have to be a virgin or whatever just someone that you know.... Whont leave after a week) learn to read behind people's mind a little I've learned it works

 

this is very very helpful! I agree to you a 100%

[andredmcampos]

Also I think you're very attractive. So don't doubt your looks it's definetly not that ^\\\^

 

You're cute indeed,

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, hehe. Sorry if I ever doubted that.

[VP]

You're cute indeed,

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, hehe. Sorry if I ever doubted that.

 

Oh stop it youuu :'> I'm blushing right now... >.

[itsapanda16]

This is so embarrassing for me to write. cheetah15

 

Here's the thing, I'm a complete loser when it comes to these kinds of things. What often happens to me is I get on a date with some guy and a week later he'll be gone without a trace. It sure is hilarious and comical in a sense when you hear your friend tell you that. But lately, it has really affected my self esteem. It's not that I hate myself or anything, in fact I love myself but this continuous rejection keeps hitting me harder and harder every single time some guy vanishes after I thought we had a great thing going on. Sometimes, I even thought of just forgetting the whole romance thing and just be asexual but obviously you really can't just be one.

 

:hamtaro-005 (21):

 

is the generation today really like that? Am I too old-fashioned to just want to have some partner who I can share happy and sometimes crazy stuff?

 

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Don't say things that can lower your self esteem! You're much more than that!

Here's the thing, I'm a complete loser when it comes to these kinds of things. What often happens to me is I get on a date with some guy and a week later he'll be gone without a trace. It sure is hilarious and comical in a sense when you hear your friend tell you that.

I think it's the people that you've dated that were jerks. I, myself have met plenty of jerks and an equal amount of gentlemens. Keep your options open and don't take things personally, take it with a grain of salt. You'll find someone that you'll connect with on more than one level, but your time hasn't come yet in terms of meeting the right person.

 

Just smile and enjoy what you have and when you're happy all of the right things will fall in your hands. Good luck! I'm always here, if you want to talk via private message. ^^

 

P.s I like being old-fashion as well and it's not wrong that you like it and it's not crazy!! The world can be ... and its changing expectations can put a damper on things.