큰 꿈: Big Dreams (1x1 Funny Otaku and ~*~FaLlEn*SnOw~*~)

[~*~FaLlEn*SnOw~*~]

He hadn't expected James to reach out and kiss him again, nor had he expected the other to apologize quickly and dash off, leaving Shun staring after him for a moment." Wait! Jemesu!" He calls, and hurries after the other male, catching sight of the other as he turned down a dark alley way. He follows, and hears James question himself. "What did you do? You kissed me. Nothing to be ashamed of..." He smiles at James. "If anyone should be sorry, it should be me. I shouldn't have just kissed you kissed you like I did but...I liked it."

 

He moves closer to James, and reaches out, taking his hand. "Come on, let's go back and eat, okay?" Before they left however, he gave James another kiss, one to comfort him, soft and gentle. It was no wonder why girls and guys alike were crazy about him.

[Funny Otaku]

"Shun." He pushed he's face away. "Shun you don't have to kiss me...Im not worth it..Save them for a nice girl..Plus ...me...and Rei...We might..be a thing soon.." He muttered...He liked rei not like he like shun though..He really liked shun. But he felt bad Shun was straight.

"It's okay..You don't have to pretend to like me."

He looked him in the eyes.

"Im really not worth it you could get so much better." He smiled at him. Though James' Aniexty and Depression has gotten better it was not gone..Now he lived for three things, Hope, Grandma, and school.

[~*~FaLlEn*SnOw~*~]

He listens to James as he protested, telling Shun not to kiss him, that he shouldn't kiss him. About how how him and Rei were going to be a thing soon. About how he didn't have to pretend to like James. He sighs softly. "One, I want to kiss you, two, I don't want a girl right now. What makes you think I'd be fine with just a girl? And three, I'm not pretending." He totally ignored the bit about Rei. "And don't say you aren't worth it, you totally are." He looks straight into James's eyes, his own shining eith sincerity.

 

He then grins. "Besides...I decided I want you to be mine, my own little bunny. And I alway get what want." His voice was sultry, and the look in his eyes was hard to resist.

[Funny Otaku]

"Im scared....shun...Have you even ever been with a guy..How do you know you like me you've known he for like 2 days. And how do I explain this, to rei..And your famous and have money and in not i can't get you anything." His rambling went on and on, until he hugged shun.

"I don't know what to do....Im not even good at sex or kissing and I'm emotionally unstable."

[~*~FaLlEn*SnOw~*~]

"Mm, yes, I have. No one knows about that, but yes...I've been with another guy before. The one question I can answeri, when i want something bad enough, I'll do anything to get it. And I know I want you." He let's the other ramble on, hugging him back, holding the other male close to his chest, offering him comfort. He sighs softly. "And don't worry about all that stuff about money and sex and kissing. I'll help you."

 

He he'd the other closer still, kissing the top of James's head, simply holding him now. He didn't know why, but he felt so strongly towards James, wanted to have that male all for himself.

[Funny Otaku]

"But I've been like a stalker to you.....And done things I really shouldn't have." He looked up at the man...A deep pink spread across his cheeks...

"I feel really uncomfortable having people stare at us and just around people...including you, it'll take time for me...It took my grandmother 3 years for me to be close to her and open up..."He rubbed his face on the others chest.

"Im gonna sound like a dick....but can we grab some fast food and some beers, i've got a fake id, and chill at my apartment instead..."

[~*~FaLlEn*SnOw~*~]

"It's fine. I'm willing to wait." He smiles, and finally release his hold on James. Brushing aside the comment about how he'd been a stalker, and done things he shouldn't have. Knowing everyone had their dark secrets. Even Shun himself. The other suggests they go get fast food, and beer, to just chill at his apartment. "Sure, let's go. But don't worry about the beer, I'll get one of my "friends" to get something for us." When Shun said friend, he had been meaning one of the agents that followed him.

 

He sends a text, telling the other to get the best stuff he could find, and bring it to the apartment. "Okay, let's just focus on getting something to eat, k? Maybe if you want, I can sing you something later." He grins, and lets the other pick where they were getting food from, paying for it when it was ready.

[Funny Otaku]

They went to Mc Donald's, James got 10 piece chicken nugget and a medium fries...Everyone was starring at Shun. He wanted to scream. 'He's a normal person too stop starring' But he didn't. When there meals came Shun paid. James got out a ten to pay for his.

"Here take it, it'll pay for my half." He pushed the money at the other man.

They walked back and took the train to his apartment. When they got there James let out a sigh, relieved to be alone..Sure Shun was there but he was different..

"Sorry theres no couch...we can sit on the bed..I just have a kitchen and bedroom..Sorry. But I have a bunch of disney movies or horror films."

[~*~FaLlEn*SnOw~*~]

The whole time, from the time at McDonald's, to the train, then to James's house, Shun was silent. However when they stepped into the apartment, he begins to smile. He could tell James was relieved, by the sigh he had just made. "It's fine. Sitting on the bed is fine. And any movie really, you pick one. But before that, I want to sing you something, if that's okay? I've been working on it, and wanna know what you think of it."

 

Before he could say anything else, a knock came at the door. Shun knew who it was, so went and opened the door, silently accepting the alcohol from the agent. "Thanks. Tell Mitsukuni I'm taking tomorrow off." And with that, he closes the door. Turning to face James, he grins. "Now then, where were we? Oh yeah, the song."

[Funny Otaku]

"If you want to...almost everything you sing it absolutely amazing!" he squeaked excitedly.

He opened his bag and stuck a french fry in his mouth part of it hanging out. James had grown up on this stuff when his grandmother would see he was sad he could get Mc Donald's, it wasn't exactly healthy but James had a high metabolism so he was never heavy actually he was always quiet thing. That was because coffee or tea or achol, would be better then food. James saw the beer.

"This is the fancy beer...You didn't have to when i get my next pay check i will pay you back."

He grabbed one and opened it. The taste was definitely a lot better then he's crappy ass beer.

[~*~FaLlEn*SnOw~*~]

He grins, glad the other wanted to hear. While James ate, he pulled out an iPod from his pocket, and after searching for a bit, finds a pair of speakers. Setting it up, he glances back at James when he mentions the beer, and said he'd pay Shun back for it. "Don't worry about it. My treat." He turns again, plugging things in, and once everything was set up, he turns the iPod on, searching for the track. It was the music for the song, the instrumental part that was recorded and saved onto the iPod.

 

"Okay, here we go." He let's the song begin, and soon sings, his voice ringing out, and it was obvious that Shun truly loved singing, by the way his face looked, his body moved. Everything. Also, he was a unique singer, able to make his voice change for the song he wanted to sing. Make it sultry, or cute, etc.

 

song sung

[Funny Otaku]

James sat there listening and closing his eyes, taking in the music. He listened as the song ended. He got up and ran towards Shun...He accidentally talked him causing them both to fall on the floor.

"Oh My God...Im so sorry thats not what i meant to do." He laughed falling on the other male again.

"Did that just happen...By the way the sing rocked." He laughed.

James was already a little bit drunk he had gone through a bottle and a half during the song..He had a very low alcoholic toteranlce. There was a blush spread on his face. He looked into Shun's crystal blue eyes. Caressing his face he leaned down kissing him..James for sure tasted of acholo. He opened his mouth for Shun to do what he wanted.

[~*~FaLlEn*SnOw~*~]

He was surprised by the other's enthusiasm, and soon found himself on the floor, with James sprawled on top of him. The other apologizes, tires to get up, but slips and falls on Shun a second time. He laughs with James, and could tell that the man on top of him was already drunk. He saw the flush on James's cheeks, and for a while they just stayed there, staring into each other's eyes, James sitting on Shaun's lower stomach, but he didn't mind. He begins to blush when James caresses his cheek, and then kisses him, tasting the alcohol on his breath.

 

For a moment he hesitates, but throws in the towel for self resistance when the other opens his mouth during the kiss. With the invitation, Shun slips his tongue into James's mouth, pressing against his lips even more firmly against James's. He stayed on his back for now, one hand slipping to cradle the back of James's head, his thumb brushing against his neck. To say Shun wars a good kisses was an understatement. If there was a god of kissing, he'd be it. His lips were soft, and his breath so tantalizing. It was let it's own drug, Shun's kissing.

[Funny Otaku]

They separated to breath. He looked at him

"Sorry I shouldn't have done that." he muttered. He finally was able to Stand, he was swinging but he stood, and walk, well more like stumbled to the bed. He took another sip of his beer.

"Im moving to fast i mean, I've known you for like 2 days, and plus Rei's gonna be pissed. " He stated to the other.

"It's too hot I'm this shirt." He was less caring about his scars when he was drunk. He should be scared to show people like usual, he had destroyed his arms over the years. It started the wrist and ended at the shoulders. He didn't care at this point he was to drunk to care. He unbuttoned his shirt taking it off.

"Thats better." He muttered. Other then his arms completely scarred the rest of his chest and stuff wasn't muscular or anything he was just really thin. On his back you could see the tattoos.

[~*~FaLlEn*SnOw~*~]

Shun watched as the other gets up, once again apologizing. He too gets to his feet, following the stumbling James back to his room, listening as the other rambled about how Rei would be angry. 'To hell with Rei!' Shun thinks to himself, getting a bit annoyed at the mention of him again. He says nothing though, instead watches as the other removes his shirt, revealing scars all over his arms, and the wing tattoo on his back.

 

Without even thinking, Shun reaches out, running the tips of his fingers along the scars on James's arms, his touch gentle and soft. He had a unreadable expression on his face, but when he looks into Jamie's eyes, he smiles. "You know, if you're not one hundred percent comfortable, I'd be totally okay with just making out...nothing more. Save the other stuff for when we get to know each other more, if you know what I mean." He grins, knowing the other was totally into him.

[Funny Otaku]

His head was going crazy he didn't know what to do...As Shun touch his arms he said "Sorry". He looked down sobering up a little.

"You know.....I don't know if you'll find this creepy or not but....I had a picture of you on the hospital wall..and would listen to your music as i cried...you really helped me....I know you didn't even knew I existed but you got me through at total of 12 months at that hospital out of 2 years..." He muttered looking at him....

"I really really like you and stuff and i feel like I've known you forever because i would read every interview the fanfics...I just wanted to meet you..It's just Rei and I....We haven't had sex but we have gone pretty far and I feel like I'm bretraing him and I'm sure you wouldn't want you being with a guy to get out.."

[~*~FaLlEn*SnOw~*~]

Shun quietly listened to what James told him, listening as the other explained about his life, how somehow Shun helped him get through the tough times of being in a hospital. How he liked him, really liked him, how he felt as if he had known Shun forever. But then again mentions Rei. How he felt like he was betraying the guy. How he didn't want Shun's secret to get out to public ears. Shun sighs, and backs away. "I understand..." He says quietly, his expression blank.

 

He sighs again, and closes his eyes for a moment, his face unreadable. For a moment he stays like that, almost like a statue, before opening his eyes again to look at James. "Fine. You go on with your life, be with Rei. And I'll go on with mine. Let this go, and pretend it never happened." He pulls out his phone, and presses one of the numbers, turning his back to James. He needed to get out of there. "Yeah, Kaito? Come get me. I'll be waiting outside." He hangs up, and glances at James. "I'll be going now. It was fun. You can keep the beer. And you don't have to pay me back."

 

He leaves the room, and then the apartment itself, and stands outside, the wind picking up, causing Shun to shiver slightly. He was disappointed. And angry. But he'd deal with it. And he knew James would deal with it too. Crossing his arms over his chest, he gets into the car when Kaito arrives, not once looking back at the apartment as it disappeared from view. Once home, he heads straight to bed, and when the next day arrived, he didn't get out of bed, or go to the college like he'd planned to. He wanted to stay at home.

[Funny Otaku]

*Trigger Warning Cutting and Self Harm*

 

 

After Shun left, James broke down. He fell to his knee, Tears running down his face, sobbing.

 

"I'm an idiot!" He screamed sobbing. He fell laying on the floor. "No wonder everyone leaves you! No one but your grandmother likes you! They all leave..YOUR DAD DIDN'T EVEN WANT YOU AND YOUR MOM IS DEAD!" He screamed. He had been having a hard time finding a therapist here so all he had right now was one back in America he talked to by phone once a month..I hadn't been enough though. His depression had gotten worse and worse....Even Rei didn't know how bad it had gotten...Now it was even worse. I do need to pay him back though for the shirt and the beer. He Grabbed his wallet...Might as well try to send it in the mail before something bad happens. He thought. He grabbed an envelope and put the money in with a note saying...'Thank you for making me feel,...normal...Sorry....For what's going to happen.. It was nice meeting my idol...........'. He hoped the address his friend gave him was right.. He put it on it. Stumbling to the mail box and putting it in. He stumbled back..There were 5 beers left...He turned on Shun's music on his iPod, cried and drank hours past...He was more then drunk...

"NO one will care if i die....it's just like back then.....It just takes some pills and some blood." He muttered, getting up he walked over to hope picking him up.

"Hey buddy. Guess this is a good bye hu....You'll get a better owner one that can care for you and love you more then i can...It will be okay buddy." He tapped their heads together staying like that for a little. He moved the cage to the Kitchen so Hope didn't have to see him.......

He started to write his note as he cried...

'Dear Rei, Shun, Grandma, and mom up in heaven,

Rei honey...I liked you a lot....But...Not love, you were one of the greatest friends I have ever had. You accepted me. You were great..Don't think you could have done anything..

Grandma, I love you, you have been there for my whole life...My hospitals..Everything, you always believed in me..I can't tell you how thankful I am with out you I would have been dead long ago..I just can't take my emotions anymore....

Mom, I will see you soon, it wasn't your fault I just miss you a lot...You were great...See you soon..

Last Shun, I knew you before you knew I existed..You were great...I hope you got the money...ALso if you ever get word of this note..It was not your fault!. Take Hope please you will help him with a good home...You helped me a lot..sorry I didn't keep our promise of pretend us never happened...but Love you hun...See you.....Hopeful a long time from now.

Love you all,

James Butler

The note hand tear stains on it and was folded put on Hopes Cage. He was still very drunk, He stumbled to the bathroom. He got out his razor, and a bottle of pain killers.

"It's been 5 years." He sighed.

He took the pain pills about 25 of them, by now he was feeling loopy and defiantly not right. He to the blade out of the razor dragging it along the skin of his arm making it cut deep on each arm. He was tired so he leaned against the shower and closed his eyes. He passed out.

 

The next day James didn't go to school.....Rei was worried so at lunch he went to his apartment and found the note and James He fell to the ground calling 911.

[~*~FaLlEn*SnOw~*~]

Shun was moping in his room, ignoring the calls and texts he was getting from Mitsukuni, not wanting to be bothered. He stared at the ceiling from his bed, feeling numb. Why did he feel like this? Was he really already that attached to James? Why was that? He'd known the other for two days. How could he feel so deeply for the other already? Was it because he was able to talk so normally to James? Or the fact they had similar interests? Or maybe it was being around James felt so natural.

 

Sighing, he closes his eyes, but they open suddenly when the buzzer to his room goes off. He frowns, and gets up from his bed, walking over to the small screen that showed who was at his front door. It was the guy from the other day, Rei. "What the hell does he want?" He mutters to himself, his eyes narrowing. He presses a button, so he could talk to the other. "What?" He asks. He noticed Rei looked anxious, as he was being shadowed by two of Shun's agents. "It's James. He's in the hospital. You need to go see him. I don't know why, but for some reason he loves you, and tried to kill himself last night. As a friend, I'm demanding you go see him. That's all." Rei walks away, leaving Shun standing there in shock.

 

Without another thought, he scrambles to get dressed, not even caring if he looked sloppy, and then orders Kaito to drive him to the hospital. Once there, he practically runs inside, and runs to the front desk, asking where James's room was. Once he got it, he rushes to the room, and barges in, his eyes widening when he sees the other laying o a bed, hooked up to a strip machine, his arms wrapped in bandages. He steps forward, feeling breathless, and in shock. "Jemesu..." He murmurs, going to his side, and kneeling down, and hesitantly reaches out and clasps his hands around James's. He felt tears sting his eyes, and bites his lip. "Oh god...why?"

[Funny Otaku]

James had woken up when they had pumped his stomach and made him throw up...Great....It didn't work again....He tried everything...he frowned..He had fallen back asleep. They had a heart rate monitor and a suidiuce watch person with him....He Felt terrible if he would have just died no one would have felt pain...But now they all do....

 

 

He felt something on his hand, He peeked his eyes open it didn't help that he had a hangover. Was that shun?

"Shun?" It couldn't be...He told him to forget About him..

"Did you get the money I sent you...It was the cash I owed you." He muttered. He wanted to make sure he got it.

He felt like absolute shit. His arms hurt so bad along with his head.

"If you want the notes over there that was suppose to go to you." He muttered, pointing to the side table next to him...

[~*~FaLlEn*SnOw~*~]

He frowns, not knowing what James was talking about. Shun didn't know that the mail had arrived after he left. "No, I didn't get anything." He pauses, and looks at James. "And I/told you, you didn't owe me..." He looks over at the side table, and at the folded note that was set on top of it. He reaches out, and picks it up, unfolding it with one hand, not wanting to let go of James's hand which he was holding with the other. He reads the note, and a frown forms on his lips. Why the hell would he do this?

 

Shun looks at James, tears stinging his beautiful eyes, as he looked at the other male. "Why? Why would you do this sort of thing to me?and the people who care about you?" The tears spill over, sliding slowly down his cheeks, to drip on to the paper in his hand, mixing with the tears already on there that had come from when James wrote the note. "Don't ever do this again...please..." his voice was soft, and he felt torn.

[Funny Otaku]

"I thought you wanted to forget about me...And I really don't have anyone...." He muttered..

He looked at him..

"Shun? Why did you come? You said to forget about everything?" He was so confused.

"Didn't you not like me?B Because I always complained...and now I don't have an apartment....." He mutter the landlord defiantly not let him back after this..

"And they might send me off to another institute......I don't wanna go...They scare me....Some people there are really crazy." He cried tears formed on his cheeks.

"Why ..... Why did you come back for me you could have just forgotten about me..I might have died peacefully if everyone would just leave me alone." He retorted angrily.

[~*~FaLlEn*SnOw~*~]

He stood up, trembling. He clenches his fists, gritting his teeth as he listened to James. For a moment he says nothing, staring at the floor. But then he looks up at James, his eyes flaring with emotion. "I never wanted to forget you! Never! You make me feel normal, like I belong with others! How could I want to forget that?! NEVER, NEVER, NEVER!" He begins to cry more.

 

"And if you have nowhere, you can just stay with me, at my place! I don't care, I just want you to know you aren't alone! I can't forget, so please, please stop talking like this..." he falls to his knees, his last few words begging, his voice shaking. He'd never dealt with anything like this before. "And also...I won't let them take you...please. just let me help you..."

[Funny Otaku]

"DO you know how hard it is when your dad tells your mom to go die and take the baby with her, do you know how hard it is when your mother dies when your only 12 leaving you alone in this world, do you know how hard it is to see your grandmother who is suppose to be relaxing working and having to help you." He was crying his whole life was a mess everything went wrong.

"Do you know how hard it is to be gay in fucking Texas, in a tiny little religious town, where almost no one excepted you. When you told your friend and he beat the shit out of you saying that you were going to hell,its unnatural....You don't know how hard it is to live ever fucking day!" He was so angry at himself at his life..."

He sat up hugging his knees.

"It's so hard to wake up...It hard to breathe....That's what the meds are for but all they do is prolong the bleeding....I don't know how to except...people..to except love...I don't desevereve it why even after this you say you care for me..I need so much help....I just want to be realized from everything! Can't I just go home where my mom is!"

[~*~FaLlEn*SnOw~*~]

He almost explodes at the other. But he couldn't just let James keep making excuses. His voice almost cracks he yells so loud. "NO I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT FEEL LIKE!!!! BUT IF YOU THINK MY LIFE WAS PERFECT FROM THE VERY BEGINNING, YOU'RE WAY TOO FUCKING MISTAKEN! YOU AFEN'T THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS GONE THROUGH HELL!YOU AREN'T THE ONLY ONE WHO STRUGGLES! STOP GIVING YOURSELF SUCH A DAMN PITY PARTY ANS GROW SOME BALLS!!! LIFE IS HARD! YEAH! NO ONE EVER SAID IT WOULD BE EASY!" He stops yelling, huffing deeply, out of breath.

 

"Just stop talking for once, and listen. All I'm asking right now, is for you to LISTEN!" He reaches out to James, ignoring the looks from the other person in the room. "Please. Listen. Even if you don't believe me...I really do care. I care so much. I care deeply about all of my fans, and I care about YOU." He holds James's chin softly, and looks deep into his eyes. "I do. So please, let me care for you..."