The yellow Sailboat (looking for critiques)

[SweetFloatsFlats]

I sat on the rocks looking up into the black waters. The moonlight shone brightly and the water drenched rock glimmered, but the world was dull and my feet under the water were unseen. All around me was nothing but the oil sea and the black rocks that mixed with the water, like waves frozen in time. I was not alone here, koi swam around my legs and birds landed on rocks nearby, sometimes even on my rock. Or on me. But in this cool night i felt their distance as they migrated south for the winter, the fish went low in the waters and at times I felt ready slip into the waters and sink low myself. But i never slipped because of you.

 

Of course I don't think you ever realized how much you livened up my life. You, you were my yellow sail boat. My freind, the current, pushed you up to my little rock and with you i sailed holding on so tight yet so relaxed to your red ropes. You simply drifted, being directionless as you acted as nothing more then yourself, and that brought me to joy and love. I felt great happiness just from your bright colours. At times you cracked under my weight and at times you crushed me and gave me splinters but still i rowed you away from the rocks and you help my head above the waters.

 

We floats together in the black seas, sometimes i'd go ashore to see the birds and the small koi while you bobbed around in the waters of your own life. I never realized what went on below the waves. Even when I was with you, floating alone with you, I didn't know. We spent so much time in a silent mutual relation ship of happiness and joy till one big wave and one gust of wind overflowed your white sails smashed us into the sand. You hit the shore and rolled onto your side, exposing your weak under belly and the barnacles crusted on the keel and all over the bottom of the hull.

 

I almost left you, aboandonded you then and there. I couldnt get the stuff off you, your wood clung too them so desperately. I scraped them tirelessly, I worried too much force would harm you, But I couldn't help you- couldn't even make a dent. Overtime you and I tried to float in fresher waters but still you returned to the salty waves let them grow. I learned to live with that relevation, I trusted you, and spoke nothing of it as I mended and became intangled the red rope of your mast.

 

We float in silence in waters that could either bring us pain or nothing, over time the roughness of the water surpassed the ease. You began to spring leakes, nothing big, but big enough I had to hold off our trips through the comforting currents inorder to patch you up. Eventually I sought couciling- a boatmaker to try and fix you but even then when I thought you were getting better... You only hid, silent currosion of the salty seas, always you drifted through it. Sometimes it kicked up over the hull and I felt the coldness you felt and that blackness that covered you. I rode on with you, across some pretty tough waters just for you- us... Even when te mainsail itself started to fray I never left your side, I even carved our name into the hull, the imprint my ownership and responsibility. A promise that you and I would always be we.

 

I dont know how long we sailed, how we managed in out dingy drift for so long, but time and salt wore us away. I tried to stay strong, but your paint faded, your barnacles attracted little fish. At times you'd bust leak when we're in the middle of the sea. I stood by, i couldn't (I cant) fix the leaks- but i tried, for so long to put my hands over the cracks untill they covered over with the barnacles you let grow and till my hands were blue. We couldn't fix the wood of your flank, but because the barnacles that held you together poked and cut into my flesh and soul in such an irritating way we had to drift apart, me on the rock and you in the fresh waters...

 

But you began to fall apart without me holding onto your binding red rope, barnacles died and river currents were too strong, knocking you into rocks and tumbling you into sand shores only to pull you out again.

 

I now am on a rock, the birds have flown away in fear of stor. Koi once bright and beautiful mated into a darker colour to hide from preditors. You are a dingy boat, you're sinking and I stand helplessly clinging to the red rope to keep your head above the water. I am not as strong as I let on, but I am clever and know which way to pull to keep you up. But I am slipping. Dark rains pour over us ;both our own personal storm clouds get pretty rough, bringing us both to the brink of sinking. Our best days our in days that are completely still, days that leave us time to remember times long passed filled with joy and love.

 

I haven't changed much... but your wood is molded and your masts have holes- the bright yellow paint that filled my heart had faded with the storms. Our red rope is turning to string... and I wonder why I still hold on.

 

And then I see our name, and I see a thousands of boats floating is this dark waters with thier bright colours and red ropes. I see you, I see me, I see us. I see the dark waters below and I hold on. I don't know if I'm making the right choice or not, but i've already decided to go down with this ship. This red rope will be your life saver, if not it will be my nuse.I see you, me, us, joy, love, my friends the current, the bright koi and bright boats... and I see us floating in the waters directionless, and me smiling just from your bright colours.

 

I see you simply drifting, being directionless as you act as nothing more then yourself, and that will take me joy and love.

 

 

 

[SweetFloatsFlats]

edited

I sat on the rocks looking up into the black waters. The moonlight shone brightly and the water drenched rock glimmered, but the world was dull and my feet under the water were unseen. All around me was nothing but the oil sea and the black rocks that mixed with the water, like waves frozen in time. I wasn't alone here, colored koi swam around my legs and birds landed on rocks nearby, sometimes even on my rock. Or on me. But in this cool night i felt their distance; as birds migrated south for the winter, the fish went low in the waters and at times I felt ready slip into the waters and sink low myself. But i never slipped because of you.

 

Of course I don't think you ever realized how much you livened up my life. You, you were my yellow sail boat. My friend, the current, pushed you up to my little rock and with you i sailed holding on so tight yet so relaxed to your red ropes. You simply drifted, being directionless, and the motions we went through without thought or deception brought me to joy and love. I found happiness just from seeing your bright yellow smile. At times you cracked and squeaked under my weight and at times you crushed and splintered me, but we stayed a pair. I'd row you out of rocks way and you'd hold my head above water.

 

 

We floated together in the black seas, sometimes i'd go ashore to see the birds and the small koi while you bobbed around in bumpy the waters of your own life. I never realized what went on below the waves. Even when I was with you, floating alone with you, I didn't know. We spent so much time in a silent and mutual tranquility, nothing more then ripples on our course, till the first big wave hit.

 

 

One gust of wind overflowed your white sails smashed us into the sand. You hit the shore and rolled onto your side, exposing your weak under belly and the barnacles crusted on the keel and all over the bottom of the hull. I felt confused, betrayal among our wordless honesty. I threatened abandoned you then and there, but I never could find smooth waters without you. I couldn't get the stuff off you, your wood clung too them so desperately. I scraped them tirelessly, I worried too much force would harm you, But I couldn't help you- couldn't even make a dent. We returned to the salty, dark waves let them grow. I learned to live with that revelation, I trusted you, and spoke nothing of it as I mended and became entangled the red rope of your mast.

 

 

Waters stood still or brought nothing but giant waves. Over time the roughness of the water surpassed the meaningless ease. You began to spring leaks, nothing big, but big enough I had to hold off our trips through the comforting currents in-order to patch you up. Then the current left and we spent all out time in stillness. We kept this revelation hidden, silent corrosion of the salty seas getting us both but especially you. We'd ride through it anyways hoping to feel some pull.

 

 

Sometimes those pitch black it kicked up over the hull and I felt the coldness you felt and that blackness that covered you, I'd ride on with you, across some pretty tough waters just for you- us... Even when the mainsail frayed i couldn't untangle myself from those red ropes. Instead I carved our name into the hull, the imprint my ownership and responsibility. A promise that you and I would always be we.

 

 

I dont know how long we sailed, how we managed our dingy drift for so long without the current, but time and salt wore us away. I tried to stay strong, but your paint faded, your barnacles attracted little fish. At times you'd bust leak when we're in the middle of the sea. I stood by, i couldn't (I cant) fix the leaks- but i tried, for so long to put my hands over the cracks untill I could patch it up or barnacles grew over. My hands were black and blue. We couldn't fix the wood of your flank, but because the barnacles that held you together poked and cut into my flesh and soul in such an irritating way we had to drift apart, me on the rock and you...

You went to the rivers for me, searching for out current. But you began to fall apart without me holding onto your binding red rope. Barnacles died and river currents were too strong, knocking you into rocks and tumbling you down into sand shores only to pull you out again.

 

 

Now am on a rock, the birds have flown away in fear of storm. Koi once bright and beautiful mated into a darker colour to keep from becoming prey. You are a sinking sailboat and I stand helplessly clinging to the red rope to keep your head above the water. I am not as strong as I let on, but I am clever and know which way to pull to keep you up. I am on a slippery slope. Dark rains pour over us; both our own personal storm clouds get pretty rough, bringing us both to the brink of sinking. But i cant afford to slip. Our best days our in days that are completely still, days that leave us time to remember times long passed.

 

 

I haven't changed much... but your wood is molded and your masts have holes- the bright yellow paint that filled my heart had faded and peeled with the storms. Our red rope is turning to string... I hold on. I don't know if I'm making the right choice or not, but I've already decided to go down with this ship. This red rope will be your life saver, if not what remains when you sink will be my noose. And in someday I will slip and sink low. I'll see koi as a sink, and the ones left with colour will be devoured. But now I see our name on your hull, and I see a thousands of boats floating is this dark waters with their bright colours and red ropes attached to some other lucky sailors. I see you, I see me, I see us. I see the dark waters below and I hold on because I know It's worth the effort- because i never slipped because of you. Now you'll never sink because of me, and you'll realize how much you livened up my life.

 

 

In some other day, I can still see you simply drifting, being directionless as. That reminds me of love and joy and the motions we went through without thought or deception. I found happiness just from seeing your bright yellow smile.

[Karin]

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I like both versions. You write very beautiful! rabbit8

[SweetFloatsFlats]

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thank you, I might draw some pictures to go along with it ^^

[Karin]

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That would be great! Please show us if you draw something for it! rabbit2

[jo_suzaku]

It's very well written ^^

 

Reminded me of an old Beetle's song *grin*