A Knight's Precious Prince [KamekazePrince and Koe-chan]

[KamekazePrince]

Eirik was smiling helplessly. He felt a tremendous pang of guilt. That the prince should be the one to reassure the knight ! He felt a growing lump in his throat as the prince’s eyes peered into his own. I should have been there to comfort you. There was so much he had to say. As a knight, he had failed in every way to protect the prince. Yet, Kari was so kind, so brave as to have granted him those sweet words. He fought the growing urge to wrap the boy in a tight embrace. He swayed on the spot for a few minutes before resuming.

 

“Thank you for your assurance, Prince Kari,” he uttered with an expression of utmost gratitude. He bowed swiftly. A slightest hint of a smile had broken through the knight’s placid face. “I promise I will not be a hinderance again.”

 

He felt a twinge of helpless again. He struggled to cope with the sorrow, and could find no comfort than to gaze into the prince’s eyes. The prince was beautiful.

[BlaqueCatt]

Anger flared up inside of Kari's chest when the knight spoke. The anger was not necessarily towards the blonde man himself; it was more towards his words, and the meaning behind them. The meaning that hit very close to home for the youngest prince. "You will not be a hindrance again?" he hissed, his small body trembling with the ferocity of his emotions. His gray eyes were narrowed into slits, and though at first glance it seemed that only fury was present, there was something else beneath the surface. Behind the thin layer of anger was incredible sadness. "Do you believe that caring for someone is a hindrance to them? That expressing yourself is a hindrance to others?" His hands clenched into tiny fists, and there was a slight shimmer over his eyes.

 

"Should...should I not even bother trying?" His voice cracked, and he looked away, breathing deeply through his nose in an attempt to calm down. It was rare for Kari to snap, but eventually all of his repressed emotions broke free. "If you truly think that people shouldn't show their feelings, then I won't." His head lowered, and his bangs covered his eyes, casting a shadow across his expression. "I don't want to hide. I don't want anyone to hide. But I have to, whether it's because people don't understand or because they think just as you do. That acting on your feelings is bothersome." There was a pause, and then he continued quietly, "I think that people should express themselves. But other don't. So I hide to protect myself. But you don't have to hide from me, because I won't hurt you they way they've hurt me!" His voice had risen slightly, but luckily the others were too far away to hear them.

 

There was a brief moment of silence, and then Kari sighed and wiped at his eyes, which had somehow managed to remain dry. "...never mind." He sounded despondent. "Forget what I said."

[KamekazePrince]

“Who? ”

The knight interrupted incoherently. He had swiftly knelt on one knee, the other pressed hard against the cold ground, his fists clenched at his lap. The atmosphere had turned tense. The air around them was now still. Eirik strained his head to look into Kari’s face. The knight's eyes were blank. Like the expression of someone in terror. Did he even listen to what the prince had said?

 

He had. He had listened to every word with utmost attention. It was a turbulent swirl of emotions he felt. But the entire conversation was drowned by Kari’s last words, “… the way they’ve hurt me!”

 

He froze. A surge of dread enveloped him. Ugly voices squirmed inside. His heart raced with panic. Every other thought was decimated by this single thought. “Who hurt you?” Something inside him had erupted.

 

He was rasping, his breathing was erratic. His arms had reached out and began grasping Kari’s. In that moment of madness, he had forgotten the prince’s hatred of being touched. An expression of blank terror was written over the knight’s face. His eyes searched hungrily into Kari's eyes one at a time. This was not the knight the prince knew. A barrier had been cast between them. The knight had abandoned all restraint. “Who are they? What did they do to you?”

[BlaqueCatt]

Kari's natural sensitivity alerted him to the change in atmosphere even with his head lowered. He turned towards the knight, and though his expression remained blank, his gray eyes were filled with confusion and apprehension. I shouldn't have said anything... Was Eirik angry with him? Disappointed? Did he want to...to leave? All of his questions were answered the moment their eyes met. Time seemed to slow down as Kari zeroed in on the fact that the tall blonde looked as if he had seen a ghost. For a moment the brunette was slightly offended - had what he said bothered the knight that much? - but then he realized that the other man's prevalent emotion was fear. Genuine fear mixed with shock painted the others' face, and Kari did not understand why. Was what I said that strange? Before he could ask Eirik what was wrong, the knight spoke, and the raspy tone of his voice made Kari flinch.

 

"Who?" The youngest prince frowned, not comprehending what the blonde was talking about. "Who hurt you?" Kari's gray eyes widened as realization dawned on him. He's worried about me because of what I said...but why does he look so scared? The smaller male's body stiffened when Eirik grabbed his arms, and he instinctively tried to move away. However, the knight was strong and he found himself unable to move. When it occurred to him that he was trapped, panic flared in his eyes. He hated being touched, and he hated being trapped. It terrified him.

 

"E-Eirik," Kari stuttered, the area where their skin met crawling as if bugs were burrowing into his body. It made him want to scratch until his arms bled; anything to get rid of the feeling. "You're...you're hurting me." His voice trembled, and his composed mask cracked slightly under the pressure of the situation. You're scaring me. He had never seen anyone act like this before. "I-I said to forget about it! It's not important! I can deal with them myself."

[KamekazePrince]

The knight blinked. He continued staring down Kari’s eyes mindlessly. He saw his lips move, but he couldn’t make out anything. He only heard a wind bellowing in his ears. The voices in his head. They were roaring. He tried to scream for them to shut up but his throat had constricted painfully. He couldn’t hear Kari’s response.

 

The knight’s eyes were now that of a madman’s. There was no trace of a soul behind those frozen pupils. He couldn’t hear, he couldn’t see anything but his own hideous thoughts. Eirik grew desperate by the minute. He was feeling boy’s presence dissolve, as though the connection between them was being severed. The demons had come to take him away. His grip around the boy’s arm tightened and he pulled the prince closer to his body, desperate to retain contact. Their misty breaths were now intertwining. Eirik looked desperately into Kari’s eyes.

 

There was only fear.

 

Why is he so scared?

 

He suddenly withdrew his arms and rose. Though the howling wind had stopped, his mind was still whirling confusedly. What frightened the prince so suddenly? Was it because of someone in the crowds? He swiftly turned his head and ran his eyes through the faces. No, no, that cannot be it. Fuelled by the terror, his own thinking was becoming warped. With the last shred of his voice he had retained, he turned back to the prince and begged, “Prince Kari, please, tell me. Who is hurting you?”

[BlaqueCatt]

When Kari didn't receive a response - when he realized that Eirik hadn't heard him at all - he had started struggling, his panic starting to overwhelm him. He squirmed in the others' hold and tried to pry the knight's hands from his arms, kicking the ground with his boots in an attempt to gain a solid footing so that he could pull away. "Eirik! Let go of me!" The calmness that was usually found in his voice had vanished, and his cracked words were laced with fear. His gray eyes were wide, and his monotonous mask had been replaced by a desperate expression, one that fit a young child more than an adult prince. "Let go!" His commanding tone was nowhere to be found, and instead it sounded as if he was pleading with the blonde man. "Stop touching me! Stop it!" By this point, those around him had been alerted, and his brothers stared making their way towards them, their slow, confused pace quickening when they realized that their little brother was in danger.

 

As soon as Eirik let go of him, Kari staggered back due to the force of his tugging, and he fell into the snow with a gasp. He pushed himself back on the ground with his hands, his shoulder shaking violently. The tears had reappeared, and he looked very much like a cornered animal. Just as he shouted, "You're hurting me!" two of his brothers grabbed the knight while the other tried to help Kari to his feet. Kari pushed his brother's hand away, scrambled to his feet, and took of running, not caring where he was going.

 

"You bastard!" One of the brothers - it wasn't clear which one, as all of them were seething - punched Eirik in the gut before throwing him to the ground. "I knew you were bad news! What were you trying to do to my little brother?"

[KamekazePrince]

“You’re hurting me!”

 

Those shrill words drove a dagger through the mighty knight’s heart. Tears began collecting at the corners of his eyes as the prince scrambled to his feet. I had hurt him ? It couldn’t have been the physical pain of his grip itself. It was my touch, my dirty touch. His wretched hands, stained with his ugly thoughts, those hands had now tainted the prince. He then remembered how the prince was struggling to break out of his grasp, how he kicked and writhed. Let go, I heard. Stop it, I heard. It was his voice. Why didn’t I listen? In that whirlwind of voices, his beloved's was lost. He felt a stabbing sensation in his heart. He remembered the prince's hurt eyes... Am I that filthy?

 

He watched terrified as the prince ran. No… Don’t go. Don’t leave me. His eyes were blinded by tears, now brimming over his cheeks. He writhed forcefully under the grip of two men. A tall dark man now stood in-between, “You bastard!” He rammed his fist into Eirik’s gut. “Ughn-” He felt a paralyzing shockwave pound through his gut. His body rose to stave off the pain but the two men held him tightly and thrashed him to the ground. He lay there face down, still receiving their blows. He was gasping for breath, his eyes wide in pain. ‘I deserve this. I deserve this’ he repeated in his head. “What were you trying to do my little brother?” the voice he could make out was Prince Freydar's. The brothers had pressed their legs onto his back. He was pushed into the snow. He didn’t resist. He simply lay there sobbing and shaking violently. “I have hurt him,” he croaked.

 

“Bastard!” Freydar thundered. He lunged forward and pushed aside the brothers. He grabbed the knight, turned him over and sat on him forcefully. He raised his fist into the air, ready to strike the man’s jaw. He stopped at the knight’s expression. Tears were streaming down the man’s chin, his mouth slightly open and panting. It was an expression of utmost shame. His eyes were burning with remorse.

 

Freydar lowered his hand. Perhaps it was an accident…?

“What is going on here?” the king’s thundering voice interrupted their melee. He was furious. He marched towards them. He gasped at the sight of the knight, bruised and bloodied. Freydar rose immediately, “Father, he-“ “Get inside! All of you!” ordered the king. He realised that the entire crowd’s eyes were fixed on them. One of the brothers opened his mouth, but the king looked sharply at him, cutting him off. The king turned to his soldiers. “Get this man up and bring him inside,” he spoke, gesturing to the fallen knight. “Oh and please, find Kari.” he muttered irritably.

 

[OOC: Sorry for the longass post. And, ouch! ]

[BlaqueCatt]

Gaulik's blue eyes flashed, and it was clear that he was about to protest, but a sharp look from Bjarne had him closing his mouth and removing himself from the knight. He glared down at the injured blonde male with obvious contempt in his eyes, then spit into the snow by the man's head and stalked away, acting more like a spoiled brat than a prince. Freydar hesitated for a moment, seemingly contemplating the state of the knight, before wordlessly following after Gaulik; he wasn't required to figure out just what was wrong with Eirik. That was the physician's duty. Bjarne, the next in line for the throne, was the last to go. He stopped in front of the king before departing, bowed and murmured a sincere apology - as the was the oldest and the most even-tempered - without even sparing the knight a glance. Once the three brothers were gone, and the soldiers had begun their search for Kari, the king made his way back to the castle, followed by the guards who were dragging Eirik along, as he was much too large to carry.

 

When they entered the throne room, Queen Naaja stood at the top of the stairs leading to the podium, her hands folded in front of her, blue eyes wide with worry. The servants had informed her of what had happened, and she was concerned for both Kari and Eirik; Eirik's family had been close friends with Naaja before she became queen, and she had known the man since he was a child. He had always been kind and gentle for one of their people, and she couldn't understand what had brought on the sudden change in behavior. Aleksej took his seat on the large of the two thrones, and the gaurds forced Eirik to his knees. Naaja's eyes narrowed and she snapped with the force and authority of an angry mother, "You will be gentle with him until we are sure of what happened!" The guards froze, then reluctantly helped Eirik to his feet, refraining from manhandling him again. Satisfied, Naaja gave Eirik a reassuring smile before taking her own seat.

 

"Now that we've all calmed down," the king said tiredly, "Why don't you tell us - calmly and clearly - what happened out there that made Kari so scared and reduced you into this womanly mess?" Naaja glared at him and Aleksej blushed slightly beneath his beard in shame, loudly clearing his throat.

 

Meanwhile, the youngest prince had fled, running in random directions until he was out of breath and his chest ached. He collapsed into the snow, leaning against a tall pine tree with his arms crossed, shivering as the sweat on his skin dried. He was cold and exhausted and he wanted to lock himself away in his room and cry and wish for someone to comfort him. But he couldn't bring himself to face anyone, so he stayed where he was, his eyes closed as tears leaked past his eyelids. He wasn't sure how long he had been sitting there before something soft nudged his shoulder. He blearily opened his eyes and was surprised to see his horse - a small mare - nuzzling him. He allowed himself to smile, and he gently pulled her head down so that she knew to lay with him. He rested against her broad side and stroked her perfectly groomed black pelt.

[KamekazePrince]

Eirik’s eyes burned red in the frost, squeezing out the last few tears. His feelings of shame were slowly fading. A sense of profound melancholy settled over him. It was all over. He would be fired. Punished. And thrown away.

Never to see Kari again.

 

His eyes became vacant. He struggled to his feet like a broken wind-up toy and trudged along, the armed guards hauling him. He was slowly becoming desensitised to his surroundings. He never even felt the last few blows. He was in a daze. It was as though the world around him had already crashed. As though his spirit had left his body. His eyes were downcast. Queen Naaja’s generous smile was lost on him. He bore with dispassion every ignominy against him. He allowed the men to humiliate him, as though he was flagellating himself in punishment.

 

The King had begun his interrogation. Eirik now had to relive his sin all over again. He would have to live the rest of his life reliving it. He steadied himself and began, “Your Majesty,” his voice was now soft and subdued, "I was the one whom Prince Kari was frightened by...” He struggled. Underneath his empty exterior, was a core of shame, pounding mutinously, begging to be released. “...Majesty, I tried…

...He was…” Eirik fumbled for words. He turned his face away and closed his eyes. He pursed his lips. The last bit of blood dribbled through the corners of his mouth. Something inside him shattered.

 

“Can a confession fix right anything, your Majesty?” His voice was dispassionate. He was looking up at the King with an expression of despair, countering the coldness in his voice. King Aleksej was surprised by the change of tone, but could see he meant no offence.

 

“I have breached Prince Kari’s trust. I have failed as a knight,” Eirik continued his lament, his gaze now returning to his feet. “He will not want me anymore.” The knight swayed on the spot, his elbows clinging to his body. His shoulders were raised, his fists clenched. Just send me away. Exile me. Somewhere I can be away from myself.

 

His heart squirmed uneasily. He steadied himself. He had to pay his last respects. “Your Majesty is very kind to have given me a chance to explain myself,” he added with a little bow, his voice brimming with gratitude. “I wish I could repay you with my servitude… But I cannot, for I am guilty,” he finished, his chin pressed against his chest, his eyes closed as though in prayer. “Please punish me in the way you see most fitting and dispose me off.” He exhaled deeply.

It will all be over soon.

[BlaqueCatt]

The king and the queen watched Eirik with mirrored expressions of shock and confusion plastered across their faces. They did not understand what the man was talking about; nothing he said was making any sense. It became clear to Naaja that Aleksej's gruff exterior would only worsen the situation, so before her husband could speak, she stood up and walked gracefully over to the despairing knight. She extended her hand to him, and her fair skin was soft against his calloused palms, as his gloves had been ripped off during the fight. "Eirik." His name fell from her lips like water from a river: strong yet soothing. "Please, try to think clearly. I know that you would never purposefully hurt my son. There was no blood on your clothes. You did not attack him with your sword." She paused for a moment to give him some time to let her words sink in. Then she continued, "Kari has always been very sensitive. He is not accustomed to our ways. Your attempts at comforting him may have just been overwhelming." She did not know of her youngest son's mental state, and she did not know how to help him - he always pushed her away - but just because she kept her distance didn't mean she ever stopped worrying.

 

"He has run from all of us before. He has...he has pushed us away." Her on blue eyes had become watery, and she blinked fiercely to keep them at bay. "But we still love him, and I know that he cares for us. For you. He just does not know how to show it." A stray tear slipped down her cheek, and she smiled at him. "You are the only person I have seen him grow close to. He keeps you by his side even though he hides from his own family. My heart feels lighter every time I see you following him with those absurdly heavy books that he loves to read." She laughed softly, and behind her, Aleksej watched in silence, his expression pensive. "He likes you. I do not know how you do it, but you are providing the comfort that we never could." Her hand squeezed his tightly. "Do not leave him, and he will not leave you. He trusts you. You are good for him. You are helping him cope with...with what he suffers from. What we cannot understand. He does not hate you. You did not hurt him. And if you did, by any chance, he will accept you again, because you are all he has."

[KamekazePrince]

Eirik was bewildered. Hadn’t he just asked to be thrown away? The queen had instead taken his hands. His filthy hands. “Eirik,” she called out. He winced in the kindness of those words, his fingertips shying away from her soothing touch. “You would never purposefully hurt my son…” The knight gulped. He had already lost faith in all his goodness. But he remained quiet. He allowed his hands to feel the warmth of her grasp. It was a nice feeling. My touch…Is not hurting her…? His eyes widened slowly and rose to meet hers. Eirik hung on to every word as though his life depended on it.

 

“He likes you.” Eirik jolted. “You are the only person I have seen him grow close to…” He swallowed hard. He was fighting back tears. Not of remorse, but of a mixed joy. Was it true? Were they truly ‘close’? “You are providing the comfort we never could.” By now Eirik knew he had lost her. He was staring past her. ’You’re hurting me!’ The more he replayed those words in his head, the more unfitting her explanation seemed. The prince had not just been overwhelmed, he was wounded deeply. Eirik could see it in his eyes. If the two were really that close, then the knight’s betrayal must have hurt him all the more.

 

Eirik's eyes fluttered downwards, a trace of disbelief appearing on them. The queen swiftly squeezed his hands tightly. The knight instantly looked up. She spoke. Eirik gaped speechlessly. When she finished, he was in a daze. A flurry of feelings overcame him. For a few minutes the hall was silent, except for the roaring wind outside. The slightest ray of light had snuck in. Could he cling on to it?

 

“But trust is like glass. Once shattered, it stays broken forever,” he finally spoke up. He was facing the queen. He didn’t know what to believe anymore. Her words were like nectar, redeeming and liberating. But the knight hadn’t fallen for them. Nobody’s words would help, not even Prince Kari’s, since the knight couldn't hear them anyway. “Is it not torture for him, to keep a backstabber like me by his side?” He realised his voice was rising and stopped. He lowered his head and resumed. “By lingering around Kari, I will only be a burden to him. He will see me for the dangerous person I am... And he will have to be wary of me... After all, I…”

 

He stopped. His heart began beating fast. Shame roared beneath, demanding that he admit to his misdeed. It was time to confess. The first few tears leaked out of his wide eyes. He was breathing heavily. His nerves were taught, fists clenched. In one breath, he gushed, “I held on to him even when he told me to let go.” His voice was constricted, trying to suppress further tears. “It scared him. I was holding him tightly. He told me to stop it, but I…” he struggled for the right words, “… I couldn’t hear him.”

[BlaqueCatt]

Naaja hadn't taken her eyes off of Eirik for a single moment, carefully observing his reactions as she spoke. Her heart clenched inside of her chest, the pain lacing his voice and flickering in his eyes resonating with her, and if not for Kari's hair color, it would have made sense that she was his mother, as both of them held the curse and the blessing that was empathy. She may not have understood the cause of the knight's obvious distress, but she could feel the effects of it, and she had to fight the urge to hug him then and there; she was a queen, after all, and she had to act a certain way. Already she was testing her boundaries. The blonde woman allowed him to voice his concerns, and she listened patiently, wanting to do everything in her power to help him, even though she had a feeling that her comfort was not enough. For whatever reason, Eirik cared deeply for Kari as she did - maybe even more so - and she knew, after hearing him out, that only her son's presence could heal the broken man.

 

"You are making assumptions, Eirik," she scolded him gently, placing her other hand over the first. "You do not know for sure how he feels at the moment. Kari is not the type of person who hates." The youngest prince held hatred only for himself; even towards those whom he saw as primitive in thought, he did not hate. If anything, he wanted to understand why they refused to grow. "He acts cold, but he is really quite sensitive." Kari kept himself well-guarded, and even though Naaja was unable to read his mind and figure out what led to him breaking down, she could tell when he was upset, even when he tried to hide it; it was part of her motherly instincts. "You do not know if your trust has been completely shattered. And even if it has, it can be rebuilt." She smiled at him again, trying desperately to get him to see reason. He was the only thing close to a friend that Kari had, and she would fight tooth and nail to keep Eirik with her son. "Talk to him before you do this to yourself. Whenever he is upset, he leaves, but he always returns." Whether or not he returned better off than before was unknown to her.

[KamekazePrince]

The knight peered into the queen’s eyes. She was staring right through him, into the depths of his soul. The lack of aristocratic dispassion in her eyes touched him. He felt a strange connection with her. After all, they were both mothers when it came to Kari. Both fiercely protective of him and both cherishing him. He even allowed himself a little smile as he listened faithfully to everything she had to say, this time a little clearly. The slightest ray of hope had awakened within him. It was not her words, as much as it was her mere presence, her gesture, her profound sense of empathy.

 

“Talk to him before you do this to yourself.” That was an order. He slowly dropped his head, pondering over her words. He stared at the floor for a few seconds. He imagined how it would be to face Prince Kari again. He felt the familiar pang of fear and guilt. He swallowed hard and mustered his courage.

 

“Do…” he started. He was now looking straight at the queen, pressingly, “Do you forgive me, your Majesty?” His eyes were intense, his brows slightly stiffened. He was prepared to risk it all, his shame, his fears, if it meant he could be with his prince again. If they could be the way they were before. He raised his head turning around and asked earnestly, “Do His Majesty and his noble sons forgive me?”

[BlaqueCatt]

The woman's blue eyes brightened when Eirik's lips stretched into a small smile. Her grip on his hands loosened, as she no longer felt the need to hold onto him; he was coming back to himself. "You did nothing wrong, Eirik," she replied, her hands now clasped in front of her. "There is no need to apologize." While Naaja's words and presence were comforting, what she said was not entirely true, though she did not know this. In their culture, harming someone was a physical affair, not a mental one. Of course, the inhabitants worried about their family members when their distress was obvious, but it did not go any deeper than that. Because almost everyone's focus was on the physical, deep emotions were often ignored and left alone; 'they'll get over it' was a common saying, and for most people this was possible, as they too concentrated on the outside rather than the inside. It was not that they did not feel the emotions that Kari felt; they had just grown up avoiding them. But it was different for Kari. He had never adapted to the culture like almost everyone else had, and because of this he appeared overly emotional in the eyes of many. When Naaja was unable to directly sense her son's dark feelings, she assumed that they were gone, not even considering that they may be festering within. If the society had been different, mental illness would have been treated, not swept under the table. There was still the possibility that Kari would reject Eirik, but there was also a chance he could forgive his only friend.

 

Aleksej was stroking his beard thoughtfully, gazing at his wife and the knight with an unreadable expression. After a few moments, he sighed. "I still do not understand what happened," he admitted, "but I trust my wife's judgement. If Kari returns and is willing to forgive you, then you will not be punished. But if he is distressed in any way, you will be dealt with. This is your chance to redeem yourself, Eirik." The three elder brothers had entered the room a while ago and were standing by the doorway in silence. Gaulik still looked like he wanted to rip Eirik's head off, but Freydar and Bjarne were clearly considering the situation. Eventually, Bjarne spoke for all of them,

 

"He will have his chance." Miles away from the castle, in the snowy forest, Kari was still curled up with his horse, talking softly to her. The soldiers had so far been unable to locate him. Only Eirik knew of his many hiding places.

[KamekazePrince]

“You did nothing wrong, Eirik.”

Wait, what?

 

“There is no need to apologise.”

It felt as though a heavy weight had been lifted off the knight’s chest. He still felt guilty, very much. He was certain of his crime. But for the queen to have dismissed it altogether, it gave him some hope. I'm not going to be sent away. Or punished. He may just be able to continue protecting Kari. Perhaps Kari might just forgive him.

 

Eirik was smiling helplessly at the very thought. “Your Majesty is most gracious,” he gushed dropping his head humbly. He felt the tightness in his heart dissolve. They had forgiven him, most compassionately. “I will not fail you again,” he added, looking back and forth eagerly between the queen and the king, “Thank you.” He was now ready to face the prince. The queen’s words were finally beginning to have an effect on him. “Then we just have to wait for Kari to return,” Naaja suggested. Aleksej nodded pensively, stroking his moustache.

 

So they waited. For what seemed like an eternity. Two loud knocks at the door interrupted their silence. "Enter,” ordered the king. A haggard soldier stumbled inside, huffing and puffing. “Sire!” he exhaled, ”We have been unable to locate the prince.” It seemed the man had run a lot, he was gasping for breath and red in the face. “Three men are still on it,” he finished brokenly and dropped his hands to his knees, puffing.

[BlaqueCatt]

Aleksej sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of his nose with the fingers of his right hand, closing his eyes as if he were getting a migraine. A few moments passed before he lowered his hand and looked at the guard, who was kneeling on the ground and gasping for breath. "I should have known that you wouldn't find him," he muttered. He didn't sound angry; if anything, it was exasperation that laced his voice. "No one knows of where he goes when he gets like this." The king didn't want to wait for his son to return on his own. The weather was worsening, and a harsh wind had picked up, swirling the snow as it shook the trees. He was worried that Kari would get himself sick if he stayed outside for too long. That boy...what am I going to do with him? He'll drive the whole family to an early grave with his antics.

 

The brothers' attention had shifted away from Eirik when they heard that Kari might be in danger. Gaulik stepped forward, his scowl having been replaced with an expression of genuine concern. "Let us look for him, father," he requested, the other two nodding in agreement. "We worry for him." And we know him the best, so we're sure to find him, the second youngest prince thought smugly. The king was considering it, but Naaja spoke up before he could make a decision.

 

"I think Eirik should go after him," she said softly, and all eyes turned to her. She gave all of the others in the room a small smile. "This will give him a chance to make amends with Kari." She also knew that Eirik was the only person who had a better understanding of Kari's inner mechanisms.

[KamekazePrince]

“Mother, are you crazy?!” Gaulik protested vehemently, flinging his arms. “Have you forgotten what he did to him?” He thrust his fingers in the knight’s direction. Bjarne was alarmed. He swiftly caught his arm and lowered it, muttering hurriedly in his ears. “I’m sorry,” Gaulik mumbled, dropping his head, “I'm very sorry, mother..." He realised he must have sounded uncivil and quickly corrected his tone, "But... Have you forgotten what just happened?” “Mother, please reconsider...“ This time it was Freydar. His voice was more restrained. But they were equally aghast that their mother should suggest such an abomination. That the knight should go after Kari alone? What if the same incident were to repeat itself? What if no one was there to stop this fellow this time?

 

“I won't do anything,” Eirik spoke softly. A pink tinge had risen on his cheeks and his body was slightly bent. His voice quivered a bit, "I-" "At least, let one of us go with him,” Freydar was persistent, deliberately silencing the knight, "In fact, let us all go," he suggested, turning to his brothers. The brothers were now looking at their mother pleadingly.

[BlaqueCatt]

Naaja sighed inwardly, looking at her sons with both fondness and exasperation. She loved them dearly, and she admired their protectiveness towards Kari, but she worried that they were overbearing. They chase their brother like Aleksej chased me when we were young. She cast a sympathetic glance towards Eirik before relenting with a nod. "Very well. You are allowed to accompany Eirik. But do not interfere after Kari has been found." The three young men's shocked expressions changed into one of relief, and they eagerly made their way towards the entrance, not waiting for the knight. Naaja placed a hand on Eirik's arm, silently wishing him luck before returning to her husband's side.

 

The snow had ceased falling, but the wind was still wild. Under a tree in a small clearing, Kari was curled on his side with his head on his horse's flank. The mare's head was gently nuzzling him, and his eyes were closed. It was cold, and he was shivering, but he didn't want to go home. Not yet. He knew it wasn't wise to stay out in the cold with a body like his, but when he was hurting, his mind was ridiculously stubborn. I'm not going back there. He saw me like this... The boy's hands clenched into fists. I swore I would never let anyone see that part of me. Especially not him...now he'll treat me as the others do. The people hated him. His family didn't understand him. And now the only person who had been willing to put up with him would leave.

[KamekazePrince]

Eirik allowed himself a little smile as he felt Naaja’s arm on his. He nodded silently and hurried behind the brothers. They ran outside the doors. A harsh gust of wind greeted them. They groped their way through the blinding flurry and into the field. They traced Kari’s footsteps till it disappeared at a dead end. “Alright, here we split,” Bjarne announced to the others. “The knight and I will go this way,” he said gesturing to the right, “You two search there.” The brothers nodded and dashed into the woods on the left, anxiously screaming Kari’s name. Bjarne and the knight made their way through the dense cluster of pine on the right.

 

Their track was invaded by huge branches of spruce, hanging like cobwebs. Bjarne’s calls for his brother were drowned in the massive overgrowth of fir. Thorny pines were pricking eagerly at Eirik’s dry skin, but the knight had other worries. Did Kari run through all this? He thrashed through the wild bushes hastily. “Prince Kari!” he called out. The pair darted and dove through the foliage. They stumbled upon a clearing. In the haze they could make out the dim silhouette of a horse. “Is that Odilla?” Bjarne exclaimed. “She is!” cried the knight. They had stopped. Eirik squinted against the prickling wind.

 

It was Kari !

Kari was huddled up against her. The knight breathed a sigh of relief. The prince didn’t appear injured, though he was shivering. Eirik pressed a curled fist against his heart, rubbing in circles. It will be alright. We’ve found him. He stepped anxiously towards the curled boy. Will he look at me? Though they were only a dozen footsteps apart, a thick haze separated them. “Prince Kari…!” he called out, his voice quivering. He involuntarily stuck out his arm, as though grasping the fog; the prince was far out of reach.

[BlaqueCatt]

The howling wind swept away the brothers' anxious calls, leaving Kari without the knowledge that his siblings were the ones searching for him. The youngest prince had been careful not to leave a trail after he had calmed down, and he had left all of the brush blocking the path undisturbed, as his small body had allowed him to slip between the bushes and under the low-hanging branches without much trouble. His hair had gotten tangled, and a few thorns had cut his cheeks while he shimmied through the patches, but there was no blood to be seen. He had remained unscathed for the most part, and now the only issue he faced was warmth. Odilla couldn't provide body heat forever; she would eventually grow cold, and the last thing he wanted was for her to get sick because of his stubbornness.

 

Maybe I should return now... His skin was as white as a sheet, and the tips of his fingers were red and tingly. He sighed and lifted his head from the horse's flank, but froze when he heard the crackling of twigs accompanied by two pairs of feet crunching in the snow. Not the guards...I have to return on my own! He turned around, and his gray eyes widened when he saw that the intruders were not guards, but his eldest brother and his knight. Eirik...? The young man stared at the blonde man in shock, his eyes thoroughly scanning the others' face. He came after me? Why? doesn't he dislike me because of my weakness? He squinted, and his heart clenched painfully when he noticed that the knight's eyes were rimmed with red. He was...crying? Because I ran away?

 

Kari bit his lip when Eirik reached out to him. He hesitated for a moment, then rose from his place on the ground, stumbling slightly due to the numbness in his legs. He cautiously approached the knight, and Bjarne, remembering his mother's words, remained silent. "You...you were looking for me, Eirik?" he asked softly. The panic had faded, but the mask had not yet been repaired, and at that moment, the prince was only himself, gentle and vulnerable. "I thought...that you disliked me. Because of my weakness." He averted eye contact. "I...you scared me, then, because I didn't understand what had made you so upset all of a sudden...but I felt bad for running away." His eyes moistened, and beside Eirik, Bjarne's stiffened in surprise. "I'm...I'm strange. I'm not like the others. I can't even be touched by my own family. Why would you cry for someone as imperfect as myself?"

[KamekazePrince]

Eirik gradually lowered his arm. The centre of his brow was still strung upwards and his lips had parted slightly, exhaling very little vapour. He held his breath till Kari finished.

At first, he was speechless. His mind went blank. He couldn't believe his ears.

 

"Fufu..."

He let out a giggle. He buried his head in his palms, cracking up. He was trembling all over. From relief.

Is it because you’re just like me? His heart squirmed. I’m strange too. In fact I’m a disgrace. I’m imperfect. I can't touch anyone without hurting them. Eirik found himself choking back tears. And I’m afraid you’d hate me. Because of my weakness around you.

 

Eirik's laughter had subsided. He sank to the floor and pressed his knees against the ground, his fists clenched at his lap. His hair fluttered in the wind as he looked up into Kari’s grey eyes. There was something in them that stirred him deeply. It was their honesty. The words had come from the depth of his soul. In that moment, the knight felt a connection with the prince like never before.

 

“Prince Kari,” he finally breathed. His voice was barely a murmur, audible only to Kari. His eyes had constricted into slits. He gazed achingly at the prince. “You are beautiful.” The corners of his lips curled helplessly into a smile. “Every bit of you is beautiful.”

 

“I love you.” He caught his breath. His heart skipped a beat. The words had cascaded from his lips before he knew it. “…as much as a knight could ever love his prince,” he quickly added, sniffling. His swollen eyelids began squeezing out tears, one by one. Please don’t hurt yourself like this. You are blemishless. “If there is anyone who has to feel shame,” he spoke softly, lowering his head, “it is me...

...I am sorry.”

[BlaqueCatt]

Kari, in his fragile state of mind, initially misinterpreted the laughter. His eyes widened comically, and his hopeful expression contorted into one of shock and betrayal. He finds my pain to be amusing? ...He really is like everyone else. The youngest prince tried to scowl, to focus on his anger - it had saved him many times before - but he found that there was no fire left within him. It had been replaced by bitterness, bitterness that stemmed from the realization that he was seen as worthless by those around him. He had always told himself that everyone despised him, but in his heart he hadn't believed it. He had clung to the idea that there was someone out there who would accept him. But now, the person he had been closest to was dismissing him, as if his emotions were a joke.

 

I was stupid to think that anyone would ever understand me. His eyes stung, and he was rapidly shutting down, preparing to curl up with his horse and freeze to death. However, the sight of Eirik sinking into the snow drew his attention away from his dark thoughts. What is he doing...? "Prince Kari. You are beautiful." The young man's breath caught in his throat, and his brain seemed to short-circuit. He was unable to comprehend what was being said to him. "Every bit of you is beautiful." Kari was shaking his head before he could stop himself. No. I'm going crazy. This isn't real... And yet, the hope flared once again in the pit of his stomach. He had taken a few steps away, and now he was moving towards the knight, seemingly in a trance.

 

"I love you." Kari's knees grew weak with the weight of his disbelief and the foreign emotion that was swirling inside of him: happiness. He knelt in front of the knight, completely ignoring the cold that was nipping at his skin. The rest of the knight's words fell on deaf ears, and for the first time, a genuine smile appeared on the youngest prince's face. It was still small, still withdrawn, but it was there for everyone to see.

 

"You aren't lying," he murmured, more to himself than the man across from him. The tone of his voice, the water in his eyes, his expression; Kari was absolutely sure that Eirik was telling the truth. That he meant what he said. "Eirik." He hesitated, then steeled his resolve and placed a hand on the blonde's arm. "Thank you. This...it..." He was stuttering, which was very unlike him, and the tears had returned, but for a completely different reason. "What you said means a lot to me." He nudged the other gently, waiting until they were facing each other before continuing. "No one...has ever said something like that to me before." Bjarne seemed as though he wanted to protest - after all, Kari's family loved him - but Kari seemed to have picked up on the fact that Eirik was similar to him in more ways than his family was. "Please, don't worry about me so much. I...I'll be fine. As long as you don't...you don't leave." His cheeks flushed pink, and he looked away, a strange feeling bubbling within his chest, his heart beating faster. This man, who I so willing to accept me, to understand me...I want to understand him. I want him to...to be my friend.

[KamekazePrince]

Eirik heard swift crunching in the snow as Kari sunk to his knees. He felt an arm on his shoulder and instantly looked up. Kari was smiling. Eirik watched motionlessly as Kari finished. He felt the corners of own lips tug into a warm smile. The knight slowly cocked his head back and gazed at the heavens, his shoulders limp. The last tears had frozen on his cheeks. The wild flurry was now like a soothing blanket, embracing his arms. The howling wind had died down, and instead he only heard those sweet words. Kari’s words. It was Kari’s forgiveness. The thousand apologies Eirik had intended to verbalise, they sank back into his gut. He swayed silently, his gaze still fixed upon the skies. It was an overwhelming sense of happiness he felt. Of acceptance. Of gratitude. In that moment, he even abandoned his guilt. He had gained a purpose again, a reason to live.

 

“…don’t leave.”

 

Eirik felt his heart churn. His arms rose impulsively, reaching out to clasp the sides of Kari’s cheeks in great hope. They halted abruptly, an inch away from the prince’s temples. For a few seconds, he held his breath, fighting the urge to wrap Kari in an embrace, his eyes flashing under the struggle. The tips of his icy fingers were twitching, yearning to lose themselves in Kari’s locks. Just in time, he remembered what happened earlier. He gradually withdrew his reluctant arms. It was too much to ask of him. He turned his face away, shut his eyes tightly and pursed his lips. His hands were clenching his thighs. I must not overwhelm him again.

 

“I will not leave you,” he finally declared, in triumph of his resolve, at having restrained himself. He was still turned away. As long as you continue to want me, I can contain myself. "And I will not hurt you."

[BlaqueCatt]

Kari's gray eyes widened when Eirik reached towards him, his heart fluttering in a combination of fear and something else. However, the uncertainty was swept away by a wave of appreciation that came over him when the knight pulled away. He really does think of me... He listened attentively as the blonde man continued to speak, and with each word his heart seemed lighter. Finally, someone with whom I can be myself. Relief was radiating off of him like a beacon, and despite the small size of his smile, it was almost blinding with the pure emotion behind it. Thank you," he repeated earnestly. After a moment, though, he hesitated, biting his lip and glancing at Eirik. He seemed to be warring with himself mentally, but eventually he steeled his resolve. "Um..." He was staring at the knight, and he was visibly flustered. "You...y-you can...hug me...if you want..." His cheeks turned bright pink again, and he averted eye contact. Eirik had clearly wanted to touch him, and it felt natural to do so after such an event, so why can't I?

 

The interaction between the two was jarring to Bjarne, and he clenched his fists at his sides in an attempt to hold in his jealousy and anger. How dare such a lowly man even think of laying a hand on his little brother? He stayed still, setting his jaw to contain himself. It was a very good think that the two younger princes were not there, or Eirik would have been on the ground in seconds.

[KamekazePrince]

Eirik gazed into the prince’s eyes, still drinking from their newfound happiness. He was mesmerised and for a few seconds, he only stared at him openmouthed, forgetting to mouth his own gratitude. But Kari's words had him taken aback. Did he just say that? Does he want to... be embraced? The more he thought about it, the more ludicrous it felt. The knight's hands didn't budge from his sides as he watched the prince turn pink. His eyebrows furrowed nervously as the boy turned away, flustered. Why did he say that if he felt so ashamed about it? The knight hunched and leaned his body to the side. He tilted his head to peer anxiously into Kari's eyes. Does he love me so much that he would allow me to do that to him...? He dropped his gaze to the space between them, shaking his head weakly from side to side.

 

”No,” he breathed eventually, straightening himself. He had clasped his hands loosely between his legs. He began smiling gently, his eyes crinkling slightly. He was not a wild savage, to inflict upon Kari what he hated most. He remembered how Kari cringed at his touch. He shuddered and stiffened his posture. I will not hurt you like that again. “Prince Kari," he whispered, "You can hug me... when you want.” Eirik grinned from ear to ear.