A Knight's Precious Prince [KamekazePrince and Koe-chan]

[KamekazePrince]

“You have no idea how much this means to me…” Eirik's heart leapt out of his chest as Kari spoke those words so sweetly, placing his hand on top of theirs. He sighed heavily and gazed lovingly at the prince. There was no greater symbol of kindness, of acceptance, of reassurance. In that moment, truly, the prince was beautiful.

 

“…There is so much I want to show you.” There is so much I want to know about you… The knight beamed with all his might at his prince, his damp cheeks now wetted with fresh tears, tears of happiness. He felt his heart tremble in excitement, oh there was so much to be shared ! A new saga in their friendship about to enfold ! There was joy, excitement but most profound, was his gratitude. He looked for long at Kari with all his love, and if looks could convey it, smothered him in his ten-fold gratitude. “Thank you…,” he finally breathed.

 

“And oh right, sorry yes,” he mumbled red-faced at the prince’s command and looked around sheepishly. He hadn’t even realised he’d set the books by his foot while in conversation. He grinned apologetically and heaved the books off the floor and began walking beside the prince.

[BlaqueCatt]

The intensity of Eirik's emotions was so great that the prince found himself momentarily stunned, at a loss for words. Everything about the situation was so overwhelming that Kari was unsure if he would be able to stay balanced as he stood. His hands tingled where they had met the knight's calloused skin, and his cheeks burned faintly with the remnants of his blush. His lack of experience with such matters left him uncertain as to what these physical reactions meant, but there was a pleasant feeling coursing through his entire body, so surely it was a positive one. The fact that the other man had tears in his eyes and was red in the face only contributed to his hypothesis. The shy smile refused to leave his face, and he felt the urge to reach out towards Eirik again, craving his comforting touch. He truly was naive when it came to emotions and relationships, despite the power of his own feelings. It was this vulnerability that had his brothers on guard.

 

"This way," he whispered, as if the knight didn't know the way to the library by now. Something akin to giddiness had risen within him, and he was relatively blind when it came to the cold looks some of the servants sent his way when they thought Eirik wasn't paying attention, having no idea of how vigilant the knight was when it came to Kari. With the pace the young man set, they reached the empty room in a matter of minutes. Kari carefully took a few books from Eirik's grasp and carried them to a certain shelf, putting them back neatly. As the pile was sorted, the prince had trouble reaching the higher shelves.

[KamekazePrince]

The knight’s gait was somewhat erratic as he followed the prince. He would begin to lag behind dreamily and then hurriedly dash forward again. His eyes flickered between reality and daydreams. His tears had dried, leaving a faint glaze over his pink cheeks. He wore a pleasant smile as he trotted behind the prince.

 

He came to a staggering stop at the library. He paused, his head slightly woozy. He realised that he was a bit tired. Perhaps it was the afternoon catastrophe, or the gravity of Kari’s revelation, but the knight felt quite worn out and depleted. He needed rest. The excitement and intensity of the day had finally caught up to him. He breathed out heavily. He must be tired too…, he feared and turned towards Kari. The prince was flailing about with his arm up towards the shelf. “Please, let me help,” Eirik gushed and intervened. He put down the pile in his hands on the ground and picked up the book from Kari’s hand. Inserting it into the shelf, he turned back towards the prince, “Is this alright?”

[BlaqueCatt]

Kari had quickly become irritated by how much trouble he was going through just for the sake of returning a book to its shelf. The task was menial, and yet he was struggling as though he were trying to climb a mountain bare-handed. The muscles of his arms ached with the strain that came from stretching towards the highest shelf, and he was sure he resembled a fool with how he switched from one foot to another, desperately pushing himself upwards with the tips of his toes. He was so focused on what he was doing that Eirik's interference startled him. He nearly dropped the book and took a step back, lifting his head and staring up at the knight with wide gray eyes. When he realized that it was only Eirik and not one of his brothers, who would have surely teased him, he visibly relaxed and handed the book over to the blonde man.

 

"Yes, that's the right place," he replied with an approving nod, though his annoyance was still obvious. Once all of the books were put away, he walked over to one of the furnished chairs in the room and took a seat, tucking his legs beneath him. He undid the clasp of his cloak and let it fall from his shoulders, pushing it behind him before settling back into the chair. "I wish I was taller," he huffed after a moment of silence, motioning for Eirik to sit next to him on another chair, which was an uncommon gesture in terms of royalty and their subordinates. "My brothers always make fun of me for how small I am. It's not like I chose to be this way." There was a more subtle meaning there, but Kari ignored it and continued, "I can't even put a book back where it belongs. I envy your height, Eirik."

[KamekazePrince]

Eirik sat down with his lower lip between his index finger and thumb, his elbow resting on his knee. He had quietly observed the entire event and took his seat with nothing more than an expression of mild surprise. He was now gazing intently at Kari with furrowed eyebrows as he spoke, with nothing more than a thoughtful “hmm” escaping his lips. He was racking his brains, his head almost whirring audibly under a flurry of thoughts.

 

If Kari hadn’t reminded it himself, Eirik would not even have noticed. His height. Was he small? In the knight's head, Prince Kari was everything great and mighty. Brilliant, sensitive, enduring and persevering. He was a visionary, a dreamer. For such a person to even utter such things, there really was no reason ! “You’re right, Its not fair….” Eirik mumbled, slowly lowering his gaze. His eyes suddenly flickered with a flash of rage. The injustice! That his brothers hurled such insensitive comments about his beloved prince! It was so unfair. So devastating. With the loosest of words one could bring down the highest of castles.

 

Something that he feared even repeated reassurances could not rebuild.

 

Was it the way they treated him like a child just because he looked young? Challenged his intelligence? His self-respect? Was he in someway treated as less than because of how he looked? The more Eirik came up with reasons, the more he was afraid he was going astray. “They couldn't have said anything meaningful in their taunts, could they..." he muttered softly. There was no legitimate inadequacy in being short. Human beings were no longer savage primates, to whom size meant strength. Threat and intimidation. They were men of sixth sense, of intelligence. Height no longer made the man… But you already know that, don’t you… "So why did it hurt you?" He was unusually stingy with his words, but soft, careful not to jump to conclusions. He simply awaited the prince's reply.

[BlaqueCatt]

The knight's response was not at all what Kari had expected, and he found himself staring at the blonde man, his head tilted and gray eyes shining with curiosity and thoughtfulness. Never before had such a question been proposed to him by anyone but himself, and he was impressed by Eirik's intuition; in a castle full of 'yes-men' and those unable to think for themselves, it was quite refreshing. However, he found himself troubled in finding an answer. "Why did it hurt me?" he repeated to himself softly, lowering his eyes and pursing his lips. He gazed at the wooden floor for several moments before sighing. "I'm not sure." It felt strange, not knowing. With matters of intellect he was almost always correct, but when it came to matters of the heart, he was completely clueless. "I have no logical explanation. What they said...it made my chest ache." He looked up at Eirik. "What does that mean?"

 

Kari had always been the type of person who stubbornly refused help from anyone, even his family. He thought he could do everything on his own, felt that he needed to do everything on his own, because if he didn't, he would never be accepted. But with Eirik, that fear was no longer present, and now he was able to ask for assistance openly without fear of retribution. He wanted to know others' opinions, to hear their ideas and learn from them, but that was impossible in a place where all of the people acted exactly the same. Though the prince and the knight had only just become friends, their shared experiences were heavily weighted, and already Kari was beginning to feel comfortable around Eirik. He had a feeling that he could trust this man, and while part of him was terrified of having faith in someone besides himself, a larger part of him looked forward to finally having a relationship, to finally being safe.

[KamekazePrince]

It seemed that there were only more questions, not answers. The knight pursed his lips for a while, reeling under the prince's steady gaze. Those eyes, they burnt onto him pressingly. “I’m not sure…,” he muttered honestly after a long pause, shaking his head slightly, “As I don’t know their words...” He bit his lip and stopped himself. He didn't want to pressurise Kari into recollecting those words which had hurt him so much. If only he could find out magically...

 

“But listen-“ he suddenly straightened and looked into Kari's eyes intensely, with an expression of utmost seriousness. “Being short does not incapacitate you. In any way. ” He thrust each word, slowly, giving Kari time to absorb their gravity. A warm smile spread across his lips, “Alright, so you don’t have an outreach as big as mine. So what?! I don’t have half your intelligence!” he laughed and shrugged with a slight tilt of his head. “And no matter how much I tried, I couldn’t change that,” he dropped his arms and clasped his hands between his knees, watching Kari with a helpless smile.

 

A smile that slowly faded as his eyes returned to the floor. It wouldn't change things, he realised. Words of reassurance could only soothe the wound at best, it couldn’t prevent further injury. An expression of melancholy had settled upon his face, his eyes fixed despairingly at the floor. He struggled to coin words and whispered brokenly. “…Even though I’m saying all this it can’t …the way you feel… It still hurts doesn’t it?”

[BlaqueCatt]

“I’m not sure, as I don’t know their words.” The prince lowered his eyes once again, this time in embarrassment rather than pensiveness. I should have known better. There's no way he can find an answer without hearing the whole story first. He had subconsciously glossed over the specifics because of the sense of self-worthlessness that overcame him when he remembered the moments he considered to be failures, and even though Eirik would be unable to assist him without learning of his experiences, he was still hesitant towards retelling them. In a show of anxiety and restlessness he tugged harshly on his sleeves, pulling them down until his hands were completely covered. He opened his mouth to apologize and begin the tale, no matter how pathetic the encounters with his brothers and people seemed to him, when the knight interrupted him.

 

“But listen - being short does not incapacitate you. In any way. Alright, so you don’t have an outreach as big as mine. So what? I don’t have half your intelligence! And no matter how much I tried, I couldn’t change that.” Kari's gray eyes widened, and a faint blush dusted his cheeks at the compliments scattered throughout the speech. Never before had anyone shown admiration towards his intelligence, nor had anyone been able to overlook his imperfections. His brothers always tried to make him bigger and stronger through training, and though his mother supported his research, she never bothered to try and understand it. What Eirik was saying held so much more significance to the prince than Kari assumed the knight realized. “…Even though I’m saying all this it can’t…the way you feel… It still hurts doesn’t it?”

 

Kari nodded, his fingers rubbing at the fabric of his sleeves as he stared at the floor. "It still hurts...but not as much as it had." He lifted his head, and their eyes met. "Emotions are strange; I want to make my family proud, despite the fact that they don't seem to like who I am." His voice trembled slightly. "I thought that I needed to change in order to be someone that they would accept." He applied more pressure to his sleeves, the rubbing motion becoming more frantic. "But...you don't act like they do. You talk as though my oddities are special." He glanced away. The prince lacked self-confidence, doubted himself, and had horrible social skills, yet he could develop if he received some form of reassurance - reassurance that came in the form of a loyal knight. "If...if you really believe in me..." He took a deep breath; his demeanor was shy and even more reserved than it had been. "Then I will believe in you - in your strengths - and try to be myself completely...like you should."

[KamekazePrince]

“…but not as much as it had.” The knight’s elderly heart jolted at those words. Could my feeble utterances actually make a difference? His head shot up to meet the prince’s gaze, he watched him intensely as he spoke. “…don’t seem to like who I am.” Eirik was aghast and he fought back furious tears. What did they do to him? “…someone they would accept.” His heart was crushed under the weight of their betrayal. Would Kari’s own family have implied something so cruel? The feeling of not knowing, it grew heavier and heavier within the knight’s heart as he clamped down on it with all his might. This was not the moment for him to erupt. There was a slight tension in the air, a growing wave of anxiety.

 

“But you don’t act like they do…” Eirik felt a fresh wave of respite. The earlier feelings of optimism and courage crept back into him and he listened eagerly. It seemed as though every word he gathered from the prince was well-fought and hard-earned. “I will be,” he promised somewhat carelessly and instead gushed, “If my words could make the a difference, -even the slightest, slightest difference-,” he held up his fingers curled into a tiny zero, before resuming, “I would not hesitate to part with them.” He breathed out and continued as though he wouldn't wait for permission, “If you believe theres something wrong with you,” his voice rose bravely, “I will challenge it."

 

"...And if you would ever grant me audience,” Eirik began, dropping his tone and pressing on each word, "I would assure you, in the most violent of words, my unshakeable belief in you."

[BlaqueCatt]

Kari held his breath as he waited for the knight to respond, unnerved by the tension in the air. His gray were staring at Eirik expectantly, their hopeful light gradually dimming as the silence was prolonged. Did I say the wrong thing? Have I upset him? Or... His fingers curled into the fabric of his cloak. Was I wrong to assume that he really cares about me? Before the prince could be carried away by his negative thoughts, Eirik suddenly responded, his voice holding so much conviction that Kari was almost startled out of his seat. “I will be. If my words could make a difference - even the slightest, slightest difference - I would not hesitate to part with them. If you believe there's something wrong with you, I will challenge it. And if you would ever grant me audience, I would assure you, in the most violent of words, my unshakeable belief in you." The younger man was left speechless, momentarily unable to comprehend his knight's words. He was the black sheep of the family - of the kingdom - and yet one of the most respected members of the community was telling him that he would support him indefinitely.

 

"...why?" Kari murmured at last, his gray eyes moist as he gazed into Eirik's face searchingly. "Why do you feel so strongly about this? About me?" The weight of his relief mingled with his confusion and the budding happiness rising within him. "I haven't done anything for you. You're the one who has always taken care of me. You deserve more than I do." And yet, his lips were twitching into a half-smile. "Are you really willing to stay with me even though I have no political influence? Even though I'm the last in line for the throne and am nothing like those around you?" All of his hope had returned full-force. If you will become my friend...then I will do everything for you, as you have done for me. One person to bond with, to connect to, was all he had ever wanted. Even though he was an introvert, he still wanted someone to be close to; he would give up the chance to have hundreds of followers for a single friend - it was all he needed.

[KamekazePrince]

“Are you really willing to stay with me even though….?” “None of those things matter to me!” Eirik swore fiercely, suddenly rising from his chair with his fists clenched by his side. His determined eyes pierced relentlessly into Kari’s. The air was still ringing with the honesty of those words. The knight was almost indignant. That the prince should suggest such disloyalty on his part ! You mean so much more to me… The knight's features hardened into those of unshakeable resolve.

 

“I will follow you to the depths of hell!” He announced. He stopped before getting too carried away with his feelings. He seated himself with a hushed apology and looked away, his face slightly perspiring with the magnitude of his proclamation. “I just…,” he sighed and glanced at the prince with half-lidded eyes, “I just want… want us to be like this forever.” He pursed his lips, his struggle for words evident on his face. “I don’t know why…,” he continued, his gaze flickering between the floor and Kari’s eyes. He clasped his hands between his legs, his thumbs fidgeted restlessly. “People don’t fall in love with kindness or charity. They fall in love with people.” He was struggling to explain his feelings. He was trying to give Kari a reason, some reason, to believe that Eirik loved him truly. Is it that difficult to fathom? “And I…

 

“…I love you…Maybe because I see you. For the person you are inside. I believe it.”

[BlaqueCatt]

“None of those things matter to me!” Kari was visibly startled by the volume and intensity of Eirik's unexpected outburst; he flinched and nearly fell out of the chair he was sitting in, his gray eyes widening and staring up at the knight with an expression of shock and confusion. The determination within the older man's gaze and the honesty of his words left the prince speechless, his breath catching in his throat. What...what does he mean...? Never before had Kari acknowledged so many of his emotions at once; he had been swept away by Eirik's raw devotion - which was what his brothers had feared - and he was already overwhelmed; the knight's actions at that moment were only serving to fluster him further. It was as if Eirik had single-handedly managed to peel away the mask that Kari's family had been clawing at for years, simply because he had accepted the prince's differences. Eirik was the only one who had access to the deeper part of the youngest prince, the part that was quiet, introverted, shy, and gentle. His intelligence shone more brightly beneath the surface of ice he had hidden himself beneath. And the knight had done it within two days.

 

"I-I don't--" The prince had found his voice after Eirik had calmed down and apologized, but before he could utter a complete sentence, the blonde interrupted him.

 

“I will follow you to the depths of hell! I just…I just want…want us to be like this forever. I don’t know why…People don’t fall in love with kindness or charity. They fall in love with people. And I…I love you…Maybe because I see you. For the person you are inside. I believe it.” For several moments, Kari sat completely still, gaping slightly, his gray eyes comically wide; it was as though he was unable to comprehend what had been said to him. Then, his pale face flushed a vibrant pink, and the remnants of his defenses crumbled before the knight's eyes.

 

"That...I...I don't understand." His tone was disbelieving. "You...you really...?" He was too embarrassed to say it, and he averted eye contact, wringing his hands together. "I...I don't know what to say..." He cast a shy, unsure glance towards the knight, then looked away. It was obvious from the way he was acting that he wanted to return the sentiment, but he had no idea of what to do in such a situation.

[KamekazePrince]

“That..I don’t understand.” For a second, the knight looked crestfallen. He looked up at the prince, a flash of anguish sweeping across his face, instantly replaced by surprise and joy. He found his cheeks redden at those brokenly uttered words. Even though he says he doesn’t understand, why do I feel like he actually has… He gazed intently at the boy, his hand hastily sweeping past a lock of silver hair in his vision. Rather than this being a sign of hesitation, he felt, this was indeed a confirmation of Kari’s truest feelings. The prince could have conveyed his acceptance in no greater way than his shy silence. Eirik felt a fresh spring of joy surge from within him. He accepts me.

 

Eirik was content. It was as though one glance, just one shy flicker of his eyes, could silence a thousand queries gathered over a lifetime. “It’s alright,” he muttered and cast the prince a deep and soulful smile. “I already got my reply.” Saying this, he swooped down and knelt before Kari, his right knee pressed against the floor between the boy’s feet. “Thank you,” he finally breathed and gently clasped Kari’s right palm in his. Eirik hesitated for a minute, the part where his skin met Kari’s tingling with chillness. I don’t mean to overwhelm you, but I myself am overwhelmed by feelings. Thinking this, he bent down and pressed his lips onto the back of Kari’s palm. In the ultimate gesture of loyalty.

 

It was hot, it surprised the knight. A fiery current radiated from his lips to his cheeks, his neck, his hands, to all over his body. The skin on his lips burned red, his whole face flushed and he felt a heatwave course through his body. He withdrew his lips at once and stared at Kari’s hand in bewilderment.

[BlaqueCatt]

Kari kept his gaze directed at the floor, wrapping the hem of his cloak around his right index finger as he waited for a response. As the seconds ticked by in silence, he began to doubt himself. I've upset him, I know I have. He said such wonderful things to me, and I couldn't even give him a decent answer. The prince felt the hot prick of tears behind his eyes, ashamed of himself for being unable to convey his emotions properly. This must be why my people hate me... He had been presented with his first - and, most likely, his only - opportunity to have a friend (No, a lover, he thought, his blush intensifying) but he had ruined it with his incompetence. I have to say something... The prince warily lifted his head, trying not to appear as distraught as he was, but the apology he had planned was abruptly forgotten when he saw the joyful expression on his knight's face. What's going on?

 

“It’s alright, I already got my reply. Thank you.” The younger man's gray eyes widened, and the vibrant pink flush on his pale face darkened considerably at the sight of Eirik's blinding smile. He opened his mouth, prepared to voice his confusion, yet he was once again interrupted. The blonde suddenly knelt between Kari's knees, reaching up and gently grasping his right hand, placing a chaste kiss upon the soft, smooth skin. He's warm, he thought dazedly, both pleased with and overwhelmed by the show of affection. Kari was asexual, but he had always craved the tender touch of someone who truly cared for him, the real him, especially after being alone and isolated for so long.

 

"Eirik..." The prince took the other man's hand in both of his, staring at him intently. "You said that you are...are in love with me The real me." He glanced to the side in embarrassment. "I want...I want to know the real you so that our...our relationship isn't one-sided. Please...I want to care for you, as you care for me." Kari was attracted to Eirik's gentleness, support and devotion, and he wanted to be with the knight, but the rational part of his brain knew that an emotional connection could only be built if the two of them understood each other. It wasn't enough for Eirik to understand Kari. Kari had to understand Eirik as well.

[KamekazePrince]

“…The real me?” Eirik brokenly uttered, his gaze merging into the distant space behind the prince’s head. The disgusting me? The voices inside roared. For some reason, Kari’s words struck him harder than he’d expected. He found himself momentarily silenced, his heart clenching. ’…I want to care for you’… Eirik’s lips parted, he began perspiring slightly. He felt his chest heave, as though he was about to cry. Yet, not a word of confirmation left his mouth.

 

Even after the prince had asked him, had requested of him to show himself, the knight was unable to. How could he, with all his filth? He could clearly feel the part of his skin where Kari touched him. He felt a black sickness crawl out through his pores towards Kari’s palms. He wanted to flee. When finally there seemed a hope of connection, the knight was cowering away in terror. He shut his eyelids together tightly, disgusted with himself.

 

I want to connect to you, he pleaded in his head, his demons still reluctant to let him speak. He felt the first few tears pricking his cheeks. His fingers were trembling in Kari’s grasp. He blinked tearfully at the prince, his brows wrinkled in anguish. If he were to make the connection, would the prince too be afflicted with his incurable sickness? That he wanted to connect to the prince despite all this, what kind of a monster did that make him?

 

Something erupted inside him.

 

He collapsed onto the floor between Kari’s feet sobbing. His hand slipped from Kari’s fingers and clutched at his heart. I can’t… I can’t, he noiselessly repeated in his head. His sobs were intermittent. His shoulders were drawn inwards, his head pressed down. His whole body shook as he cried. Why? I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already am... But he knew that this pathetic display would only hurt the prince more. It broke him that he did. He let out a deep wail. He had broken down in front of the prince.