One More Moment (Vyssini and Zombie) [18+]

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

The doctor nodded, silently meeting Zed's gaze. "Yes. I assume he did not take his medicine before something happened to suddenly worsen his mental state. At this moment he's sedated just enough to make sure he'll stay put and won't try to hurt himself any further." She said, leaning against her chair.

 

"He spoke very fondly of you. I'm sure it'd mean a lot to him if you were by his side as much as you can." The doctor said, turning to her side to pick out a handbook. "If you'd like, this has the basic information about Borderline Personality Disorder." She said and slid it over to Zed.

[vyssini]

"Did he try asking for a second opinion? No offense meant. Just..." He wasn't questioning the ability of the doctor but he wanted to make sure the diagnosis was final and real. It was funny though. He didn't even consider such thing when he heard about his condition. He just accepted that he was sick and that's it. He got mad but for a whole other reason. But in Felix's case, he actually need to be a hundred and one percent sure before he accepted the fact laid before his eyes. No matter how grave the situation was. That Felix driving his own car to the lake also served as a solid proof. But how could he, Zed be expected to just believe that his dear friend actually tried to take his own life because he had some loose screw. He dared not believe the doctor but accepted the pamphlet anyways. He needed to hear the truth from him or he'd never believe.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

"Two others, actually." The doctor said quietly, her lips parting with a quiet sigh. "All three of us came to the same conclusion. It shouldn't have progressed that much so quickly, though. I... I heard you were diagnosed with cancer, is that right?" She asked, hints of pity showing in her eyes. "I believe that could've had some impact on Felix's actions as well." She said, tilting her head slightly. "Do you have any more questions? If not, you can go and be with Felix... Or go home, either way, I don't intend to keep you here for much longer." She managed a smile, clasping her hands together again, lightly fiddling with her thumbs.

[vyssini]

Three doctors... At these words, the little flame of hope in Zed's heart was instantly put out by cold water. "Yes" He only gave a curt reply as he didn't want to talk about him. "And no. I don't have any question. At least for now." He thanked the lady doctor and went out of the room giving a last look at the name on the door.

 

His walk to Felix's room was uneventful. He was considering his options. He wanted to talk to Felix but afraid to ask. In his heart, he was still holding some doubts whatever the doctors' diagnosis were. Balling his fists up tightly, he made a valiant effort to present a resolute and obstinate exterior before opening the door of room 203. “Not good.” With difficulty, Zed managed to force out these two words, seeing the restraints for the first time reminded him the of doctor's words.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

The doctor watched how Zed walked out the room and slowly leaned back against her chair. Those two seemed to have a long and bumpy road in front of them, and neither were prepared for what was waiting on it.

 

Felix was just beginning to come out of his drugged state when the door opened again. His gaze moved sluggishly to the source of the sound, sadness showing hints in them once he saw Zed. Turning his gaze away again, the man took in a quiet, shaky breath as he stared up at the ceiling. Why did Zed keep coming here? He could barely look at his friend after being diagnosed with his... Illness. Felix felt disgust when he thought about being mentally ill. It wasn't right, it wasn't normal. No, he felt like a damn freak like this.

[vyssini]

Zed walked inside quietly and pulled a chair close to the bed. Felix was still refusing to look at him directly. Even if he wanted to confront his friend, he didn't want to agitate him in his condition. He opened his mouth only to close it. In the end, he could only sigh to himself. He chose to direct his gaze to the restraints and unconsciously reaching out to touch.

 

He knitted his eyebrows and immediately jumped with frightened expression. Both of his hands trembling while holding Felix's wrist. Scars. Faded scars. His lips slightly parted. "Wh-" He stopped. He wanted to ask so many things- Why? When? -among other things. But where should he start? If the scars were faded, then this wan't the first time Felix tr-tried to.. He hated himself for not knowing anything. In years that they knew each other, for him not to notice anything amiss.. He put his head down with his eyes closed. This time, Zed was the one who didn't want to face Felix.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Felix could feel his heart skip a beat when his wrist was taken, weakly trying to tug it away. He didn't want Zed to see what he used to do, what he still wanted to do. The man stared at the ceiling, his lips parting and closing again and again as he tried to find something to say, anything at all. Should he ask why Zed was here? Should he ask him to leave? Should he apologize again?..

 

"I'm sorry, Zed..." Felix whispered quietly, deciding to stick with his last decision. It seemed like the most appropriate thing to do; besides, he couldn't really think of much to say in his current state. He couldn't even speak properly, his voice was faint, his words sluggish - although that could've been an after-effect of nearly drowning. It was weird to think he'd nearly died. After all that time just silently thinking about suicide, although he never actually had the need big enough to do it, when he finally did try... It felt weird, a bit disappointing, even. Disappointing because he didn't succeed.

[vyssini]

Zed blinked the tears burning his eyes. He couldn't decide how he would handle his emotions. Jumbled feelings just tore his calm mask in pieces. He kept looking at Felix's wrist intently, trying desperately to puzzle out the thoughts and feelings that were coursing through him. The stupid fact was: the more he tried to puzzle them out, the more puzzled he became.

 

He was pulled out from his thoughts by his friend's weak, unfamiliar voice. He thought they would start the talking only to be disappointed. He was a little pissed. 'Come to think of it. Why does he have to tiptoe around the guy. The man himself decided to get angry and walked out on him.' He raised his hand to bury his fingers to Felix's hair. He tugged it lightly. "Are you still in pain?" He was so worried and blurted out the first of his questions.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Felix's breathing hitched when he felt a hand tangling into his hair, the light tug feeling a bit painful, even. He teared up at the question, lightly shaking his head. "N-no..." He muttered softly, still too scared to actually look at Zed. It did hurt, everything hurt, but he didn't want to actually say it. No, he didn't want to complain, that would just be seeking for attention... While he wanted that, especially from Zed, he didn't want to appear as needy. After all, he already screwed things up enough as they were now.

 

He wasn't mad, though. Not even angry, at least not at his friend. The reason he'd left so loudly before was because he was sad, he was scared and he, quite honestly, felt lonely all of a sudden. Zed was his best friend, that he was sure of. He didn't know what he would do if he really lost him. Felix could feel the tears collecting in the corners of his eyes and squeezed them shut, trying to keep the tears in. He wouldn't cry. Not again.

[vyssini]

Zed just raised his eyebrows. Of course, he didn't believe the "no". He knew with one look that Felix was hurting. "Yeah? But you look terrible." His hand brushed the raven hair back while the other traced the scars on his friend's wrist. "I.." He closed his eyes and pressed his lips shut.

 

If he was honest to himself, Zed wanted to hear the answers even if had to strangle them out of his friend. But he wasn't sure how he would handle it if ever Felix decided to be truthful. He was quite vocal about his distaste on people with "suicidal tendencies". He often complained about them when he saw them on news. How would he know that his best friend was actually.. "I like to hear the truth from you. But I.." With all the things that happened today, Zed decided it was nigh time for a change- if not his personality then at least his attitude. He couldn't keep acting the selfish damsel in distress especially when his white knight gave up on him. "But I won't force you to tell me everything right now. I want you to know that I'm willing to wait. Just don't take too much time 'cause that's something I don't have much." He smiled weakly. 'Maybe that was why Felix didn't want to deal with him anymore.'

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Felix's hand twitched when he felt fingers tracing over the scars. He tried pulling it away, but the restraints kept his hands in place. The raven bit down on his lip as Zed replied to his short answer - so he could see he wasn't fine after all. The man didn't say anything else, simply waiting for the moment when everything finally crumbled apart to come sooner. Even with the medicine, it would take him some time to return to his previous lifestyle.

 

His eyes opened slowly as the other continued speaking, telling him he could wait. "I don't want to lose you..." He muttered quietly, for once, at least partially, revealing the reason for his current state. "D-Don't leave me." Felix whispered, ashamed to ask for such a thing. Zed had all the right to walk out on him, but he was still selfish. He still wanted his friend to be with him, he still wanted to keep him around and take care of him. He wanted to feel useful and wanted... Felix just wanted to make sure there would be at least one person who would never leave him.

[vyssini]

Zed caressed Felix's hair and petted his cheek in slow, soothing strokes. Taking care of him had always tired Felix out. Then, they just discovered he had cancer. He sneered at himself. No wonder his friend walked out. He wasn't even sure himself how he would continue. He was lost. He couldn't handle the gnawing pain and anger in his heart. How to proceed from here on out. No matter how much he thought, he got nothing. Answers and direction seemed to elude him. I should go. Even if I stayed, Felix clearly doesn't want me here.

 

When he was about to move away, eyebrows knitted and face seemed to be filled with pain, Zed heard something that confused him more. He sat upright, not moving even an inch. Thin lips pressed tightly into a line, he flicked the guy's forehead and smiled. "Aren't you the one who slammed my door on your way out?" He said dryly. He didn't want to hope for too much because he didn't want to be disappointed.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Felix flinched visibly when his forehead was flicked, his lower lip trembling, tears threatening to spill. The raven could feel the burn in his eyes again, this time unable to hold back his tears as they rolled down his cheeks; for now, just one. "I didn't mean to... Y... You told me to leave, you didn't want me with you anymore, you pushed me away!-..." He began, although his words were interrupted by the machine beginning to beep louder. His heart rate had gone up again, fear creeping into his face.

 

"Please, please don't leave me..." He pleaded desperately, nearly hiccuping as he tried to keep any further tears from escaping. He didn't like sounding so pitiful, he hated feeling this sad for something so small, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't even control what he felt by now - all his emotions were multiplied, he had no idea if something he got sad about was actually worth being sad, the same with being angry, happy and so on. His mind was messed up, and so was he himself.

[vyssini]

He heard his heart thumping against his chest. "Hey. Calm down." He smiled at Felix as he patted his cheeks lightly. "I never said anything about not wanting you anymore. " Not yet. He entangled their fingers together thinking of how the words he needed to say would reach his friend without hurting him. "I.." But hearing the desperation on Felix's voice made him stop. How would he tell Felix that in his mind, he thought it would be best if they kept their distance. For both of their sake.

 

He stood and planted a kiss on Felix's forehead. He knew his friend needed him, too. But it wasn't his role to support, it was Felix's. He closed his eyes and kept it in. "I'm here." He muttered softly. But deep inside, he felt so vulnerable and exposed. He needed someone to lean on, now more than ever. Someone who would tell him it's going to be fine. That it was just him thinking the worst. He didn't blame Felix if he couldn't be that someone for him. He just wished somebody would because he wasn't sure he could bear all the heaviness in his heart all on his own.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Felix gripped tightly onto Zed's hand, squeezing it slightly. A small shudder ran down his body when his forehead was kissed while a sense of relief slowly made way into his mind. Just for a little while, he would be selfish. Just for a little while... He wanted to think about himself for a bit, and he needed Zed there with him to reassure him. When... If he got better, Felix would return to how he used to be, hopefully. Sure, he was told there would be therapy and various medicine to take, but he would manage, right?

 

And even though he was scared, the man managed to look at the other, his lips stretching out into a faint, weak smile. "Thank you." He muttered softly, still holding onto his hand. His gaze slowly moved past Zed's eyes and downwards, taking a moment to appreciate each little line on his face. Deep in his mind, he wanted to hold the other and promise him the cancer would be defeated, but... He had always been there for Zed. Felix wanted to believe that now, when he needed his friend, he would be there for him.

[vyssini]

When he was in the shower and told Felix he wanted him to leave, he just wanted some time alone. And his feelings haven't changed since then but he decided to stay. He owed him at least that much. And it was difficult. Acting strong to be another person's pillar of support was not as easy as he thought. He wonder how Felix stood by his side. How did the guy had enough time for himself to deal with his own troubles when he had to run around helping others. He admired his friend and felt grateful. He felt the grip tightened and that calmed him down a bit. He was only glad not to be whisked away.

 

"You really look awful. Is it fine not to rest?" Zed wished Felix didn't notice when he avoided making promises to stay. Because honestly, as much he wanted to stay, he was afraid that he would bolt out of here at the drop of a hat. He was selfish that way. But not yet. He could still take some more.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Felix looked visibly stressed when he heard Zed's words. "Please stay..." He repeated quietly, gripping onto his hand tightly, as if it was his life support. He wanted to rest, but the mere thought that he could not find his friend after waking up was enough to keep him awake. His eyes, filled with fear, were gazing straight into the other's without blinking. He would jump at any reassurance he could possibly get. If Zed wouldn't say he would stay, Felix would not sleep. Even if he did, he knew nightmares would interrupt his rest.

 

"You can't leave me... Please, promise you'll stay." He whispered quietly, his words a plead. Without realizing, he revealed he thought Zed was somehow in debt for him. It was how this world worked, right? Treat others how you want to be treated... It wouldn't make sense if he would be thrown away after sticking by Zed for such a long time. It wouldn't make sense for him to be left alone when all he did was good. People like him were supposed to live a nice life...

[vyssini]

His heart skipped a beat. Zed was surprised by Felix's words. What gave him away? Was he really easy to read? Or was it his lack of conviction that was seen through? He wasn't strong enough to deal with all these. His own predicament, he could somehow deal with but Felix's.. He was not sure. His hesitation seemed to agitate his friend. The grip tightened again. "You should really be resting.."

 

Promise to stay? Zed was afraid to say it because he wouldn't have a choice to run away. But as Felix entreated him to stay anxiously, he also couldn't refuse. The tone was poking his conscience as if Felix was reminding him that he owed him. But he needed not to because Zed already knew. But it wasn't the debt that was keeping him from leaving. It was look on his friend's eyes. If he left him right now, no one could say how it would affect his friend. "I.. I'll be here still when you wake up." He said in a whisper. He caressed his cheeks. "Promise."

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Felix waited impatiently for Zed to say something. It was taking too long. With each moment that passed, his uneasiness just grew, making him less and less comfortable and overall good. Panic began settling in, his heart rate gradually becoming faster, although the rise stopped when the other finally spoke. Felix was obviously relieved, whispering a quiet "thank you" before his eyes closed. His fingers relaxed, letting his friend out of the tight grip, features softening slightly as he fell into light slumber.

 

He slept for a while, right until the nurse came to check on him and change the IV drip bags. Felix was woken up gently, but opening his eyes proved to be a little bit harder than he thought it would be. He didn't know if Zed was still there and he was scared to find out. Finally, his eyelashes fluttered open, hope mixing with slight hints of fear. He didn't want to be alone.

[vyssini]

Zed watched as Felix's eyelids grew heavy and his presence lulled him to sleep. The grip loosened but remained tangled. He watched the slow rise and fall of his chest. He noted the steady breathing. The view had eased his mind. He still had worries and doubt but those were reined back in.

 

Contrary to his mind, his heart was in turmoil. There was always a part of him that had gone numb way before he met his good friend. That part was immovable and well-hidden. As past experiences taught him, he pushed all faults outside as that part remained flawless, untouched and unharmed. Today, his defenses was shaken and allowed unbridled entry to his safe zone. All because of Felix. "Never again." He whispered as he stood aside and walked to the window as the nurse entered the room.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

For a few moments, Felix felt betrayed, rejected and unwanted as Zed could not be seen by his bed. Quietly, he trailed his gaze over the room, finding relief blooming inside when he saw his friend. "You stayed..." He whispered softly, finally displaying his happiness. He wanted to raise his hand up, but it was stopped by the restraints, still in the same place as they were before. He wanted them off...

 

"Dear, are you hungry?" The nurse asked once she finished changing the bags. Felix nodded, managing a small smile as his gaze travelled back to Zed. He guessed there weren't any surgeries planned if he was offered food. All of his injuries were external... That was a lot better than internal bleeding. Felix's lips parted with a quiet sigh as his head fell back against the pillow. His gaze was fixed on Zed, not even seeing the nurse leave the room. "Zed... You can go home if you want." He muttered softly, albeit a little hesitantly. The other stayed the first time... It should be fine now.

[vyssini]

He could feel his strong front being whittled away little by little. Zed felt like he was being toyed with. And if it was Felix's intention to play around to measure his feelings, he was doing a good job. His eyes began to be filled with complicated feelings.

 

"Do you not need me here?" He said curtly but readied himself to leave. He didn't want to be here in the first place so he wouldn't insist on staying. But he couldn't shake off the feeling of being tested. The thought didn't sit well with him and made him uncomfortable. He just directed his gaze with the nurse. He already decided to stay and so he wouldn't leave until he heard from Felix that he didn't need him to stay.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Felix flinched at the curt tone the question was asked in. His mouth opened and closed a few times, making him seem like a fish as he tried to think of the best response. "I... Like you being here... You stayed while I slept, I be-... I want to believe you'd stay again... Would you not?.." Fear made itself known again as suddenly he was pushed back to where he was when he attempted to kill himself.

 

His hands squeezed into fists as he stared at the other. They were alone. The only sounds left in the room were the beeping of a monitor, their breathing, a clock and faint voices from the hospital. It didn't feel real. Felix found it increasingly harder to breathe, slowly moving his gaze to the restraints. He wanted them off. He wanted to get out of the hospital and just... He wasn't sure what he wanted to do, but laying in a bed, waiting to be told whether he would be left alone or not wasn't it.

[vyssini]

Zed was sad that he wasn't trusted but not without reason. He had done things to be doubted and he knew them quite well. The latest was just this morning. But it still didn't erase the feeling of being wronged. He might have reneged on his words more than once but this time, he promised. And he kept his promises.

 

Zed sighed. He knew he was once again being too self-centered even if it wasn't the best time to be one. He couldn't help it. He walked towards the bed. "Is it painful?" He asked with a frown, talking about the restraints. Those things looked uncomfortable if not painful. And Felix's squirming said tons. "We should ask if it can be removed when someone come back to check on you." He commented, trying to divert his attention to something trivial instead of dealing with the problem. Given the situation, he couldn't take it upon himself to question Felix. And he already said he would wait for the other to explain things at his own pace.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Felix's discomfort and fear only grew when the question was dismissed. Now he wasn't sure if Zed would stay or not, and that freaked him out. He needed to have something to hold onto, some assurance, that there would be one person who would never leave him.

 

"They... Not really." Felix muttered, although his wrists seemed slightly pinker from the tugging at the restraints. "I don't know if they'd let that... I mean-... These are supposed to keep me from trying to... You know... H-Hurt myself, or something like that." Talking about his mental state was not something he wanted to do at all. "Zed, can you call my boss? Tell him I'm not going to be at work for a while..." He asked quietly, his right hand twitching slightly as he realized the news about what happened to him would spread and more people would know about his illness. He was terrified of people finding out about it. People would definitely leave him because of this, they would see him differently, he would not be Felix anymore...