One More Moment (Vyssini and Zombie) [18+]

[vyssini]

"Maybe. But it won't hurt to ask." Zed said dejectedly. He knew what the restraints were for. It was all for Felix's sake but it didn't mean Zed had to like it. The downhearted tone didn't escape his notice but chose not to mention anything. He could understand why Felix refused to talk.

 

"Your boss? I.. talked to him while your asleep. I might have said something along those lines." He wasn't sure how many days would Felix stay in the hospital so he took it upon himself and contacted his friend's superior. He just said that Felix was involved in some accident and still under observation. The man on the other line squeezed him for more details or tried to but he evaded them. He wasn't really sure what to say and afraid to let Felix's condition slip out.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Felix dismissed the topic about his restraints, instead looking at Zed when he said he'd already called his boss. "Thanks..." He muttered, glancing down at the sheets for a few moments. In a way, he didn't even want the restraints to be taken off. They were like this assurance that his illness was kept in a sort of a cage at the moment. It was a lot better than being scared of it suddenly taking over him.

 

"H-How's Nero?" He asked suddenly, looking up at his friend. He hoped the other hadn't forgotten his new cat... He would feel horrible if he was the cause of the kitten getting sick, or even worse, dying! Felix took in a shaky breath, blinking away the slight burn of the tears threatening to fill his eyes again. The thought of it happening alone was enough to get him to the point he wanted to cry.

[vyssini]

Zed blinked at the sudden change of topic. Nero? Wh- "Oh? The kitten!" He blurted out. He tried to remember the little feline. In his recollection, he was too occupied about his own condition when he got back from the hospital and he.. might have kicked Nero aside. Then, when he rushed back after he learned about the accident, he might have pushed it aside. He bit his lower lip as guilt assaulted him. If Felix didn't mention, he might have forgotten he owned a pet.

 

"It's fine.." He looked away. "..I think." He said in a slightly low tone.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Felix's eyes widened a little bit as he stared at Zed, his lower lip trembling unconsciously. "You should go check on him..." He muttered, his hands squeezing into fists. He tried to keep his breathing as even as he could, but the guilt was creeping up on him from all sides. He looked down at the sheets, the heart monitor beginning to beep more frequently. Thankfully, the nurse came back with Felix's food. Tossing a worried glance at the monitor, she raised her eyebrows questioningly at Zed before walking to the raven.

 

"After you eat I'll give you your medicine, alright? I'm just going to remove these..." She said softly as she undid the restraints, lightly patting the man's wrists. "There, just eat now."

[vyssini]

The corners of his lips couldn't help but twitch in a wry smile. He knew he was being irresponsible. He really liked Nero and he was beginning to get attached to the little feline. He was just too preoccupied. But it wasn't enough of an excuse to neglect his duties to his pet. "Yeah, huh." Zed couldn't resist a sigh. It seemed he got a good reason to leave now. He failed to notice Felix's reaction even with heart monitor's increased beeping for he got lost in his own thoughts. He shook off his hesitation just in time for his eyes to meet the nurse's. He misunderstood and thought that even the nurse wanted him to leave. Her questioning gaze finally made him decide to leave.

 

"I'll just.. visit you some other time since you look better now." He was lying though. Felix's face was still pale and sickly. Zed watched as the nurse talked and undid the restraints while he barely managed to said his pathetic excuse for leaving.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Felix couldn't keep his eyes on Zed as he left, instead opting to stare at the sheets. He felt awful, even though he tried to prove to himself the other really did have to leave. He felt weak, as he brought one hand up to brush at his eye, wiping away the new tears. Feeling a warm hand on his shoulder brought him closer to downright sobbing, but he held out. Taking a deep, yet shaky breath, the man lifted his head up, wiping off any leftover tears from his eyes. He had to get better, he knew that... He just wasn't sure if he really could.

 

Felix ate, got the medicine and, as weird as he found it, wasn't strapped to the bed again. He ended up staring at the faded out scars on his wrists, his thoughts a bit hazy, as if they weren't his own. He supposed it was from the antidepressants, but he really couldn't doubt them, could he? That was the medicine that should've made him better, there was no way it would make him worse. Like that, he managed to fall asleep, various thoughts spinning inside his head over and over again. His sleep wasn't dreamless, yet not all dreams were nice. Felix was sure he awoke a few times, yet each time it didn't take long to fall back asleep. He didn't fall back to sleep only in the morning. Just like before sleep, he got his food, his medicine and then he was left to wait for Zed to come. He still didn't feel like himself, however his face gained some color.

[vyssini]

Zed left Felix's room with a heavy heart. He even lingered in the door before leaving. He waited for a signal or a word for naught. It put him in a bad mood. He was asked to stay and he did. After Felix woke up, he was short to being kicked out of the room. 'Must be the nurse.' He grumbled to himself. With his hands on his pockets, he walked out of the hospital with heavy footsteps.

 

A soft purr welcomed him home. He scooped Nero who rubbed its head on his legs. "Here." He set the feline down with a specially formulated kitten food. His smile turned into thin-lipped displeasure. "Humpf. That Felix is such a bastard. See if I visit him again." With a soft thud, he let his head fell to the table, biting his lips in vexation. Until his annoyance was replaced by frustration and then worry. His eyes hot with unshed tears as he recalled the loud thumping of his heart as he saw Felix on the bed, pale and weak. "Stupid." He shivered at the thought of losing his best friend. He hugged himself. His strong front dissolved slowly as his fear gushed out. *sniff* It started with a leak, a few tears until his body rocked uncontrollably with pained sobs. "So stupid. Damn!"

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Seconds turned into minutes, minutes turned into hours, but the person he was waiting for so patiently failed to show himself. Felix could feel himself sinking deeper and deeper into the numb state of mind, any hope left oozing out of him. The one thing that actually got him to a semi-conscious state was when a therapist came. He was informed before that the sessions would be necessary for him to get better.

 

His motivation was Zed. Felix didn't say much, but he tried to listen to the woman next to his bed. She spoke to him about him, about his friends, about his attempted suicide. She seemed to understand, and while she did encourage him to try to get better, she didn't judge. He felt safe. A sense of safety was something he craved for. Felix found himself opening up more and more as the time passed, and it felt good. It felt good to talk about what he was feeling, up until the point he was told he would have to let go of people if he wanted to be himself again. Slowly, but he had to learn how to live on his own, without someone always being there with him.

[vyssini]

Zed believed himself to be quite tough. But.. The events of the day caused him to be overwhelmed with emotion and to break down and cry. The whole time, he tried to suppress his fears, wearing a mask as if everything was completely fine, as if it was nothing. His mood was grey but he managed to maintain his facade. But he reached his limit.

 

Honestly, he felt betrayed. Felix's action no matter how the doctor explained the reason, he couldn't help but be pained and despondent. It was underhanded and cowardly escape. And the fear of losing his friend managed to creep its way in his heart. It was had to recover from it or pretend nothing happened. Zed's eyes were red and swollen from crying. He let his worn body fell heavily and limply to his bed, closing his eyes. "Maybe this is just a dream, a nightmare." He whispered as he succumbed to darkness.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Felix waited. One day, two days, three days... Zed just didn't seem to show up. The therapy helped him get over the fact that his best friend didn't want to see him, but he felt so damn empty. After a week, he was released from the hospital, the prescription for medicine along with a bottle of pills in his hands. He was told to come back two times a week for the therapy to continue, and otherwise encouraged to continue with his life. He had to tell his boss what happened, begging him to not tell anyone else and still get his job back. Thankfully, the other wasn't too hesitant to do so, however he wanted to know if Felix would really be able to continue his job. The later felt less confident than before, but he would manage.

 

And still, his first stop when out of the hospital was Zed's apartment. He got a cab to drive him there, even though he was already low on money from the treatment, the medicine and therapy. Maybe his mother would agree to send him some money? The raven found himself terrified of the doors in front of him. Last time he came in here, he ended up attempting suicide... This time shouldn't be the same, he should be fine now. He repeated this thought in his head a few times before hesitantly raising a hand and pressing the doorbell. The man stepped back, his skin still pale, he seemed to have lost weight as well.

[vyssini]

"Ok, with this, I'm done. Phew!" Zed wiped the sweat on his brows. With a flop, he fell on his couch to catch his breath. His gaze wandered on the almost empty house. He just finished packing his things on the last box. Most of his things were already shipped to his new place. The new place was a whole lot smaller than this house but he had to be practical. These boxes were the last ones. Moving took most of his time and left him unable to think other things. He unconsciously whispered, "Felix."

 

As if! He smacked his head. This was why he didn't like free time. His thoughts were all centered on that man. He hadn't visited him since last time he sneaked on the hospital to take a look. He planned to just look but was disappointed when he wasn't able to see him on the room. With a few inquiries, he learned about his therapy. He made a resolve not to go there again. He had problems of his own and he didn't know how to deal with them. But he had to try... Try to deal with them on his own. His thoughts were disrupted by the doorbell. With a tired sigh, he walked to the door. "...F-Felix" He felt his throat gone dry and his voice cracked.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Felix forced out a smile as Zed opened the door, his heart falling down to his stomach. "Hey..." He muttered uncertainly, glancing up into his friend's eyes for a moment before turning his gaze away. He felt so guilty. He shouldn't have come here. "I just... Wanted to apologize." He spoke quietly, nervously tugging at his fingers, one by one, going from one hand to the other. He didn't know what to expect from this. Would Zed be angry? Upset? Or would he just be ignored, or maybe told to go away? The raven's head buzzed with thoughts like this and he was ready to try and run away if things took a turn for the worse. At least now he didn't have a car he could try to drown himself in again.

 

"Zed, I-..." His voice cracked as he forced the tears away, looking up at the other again. "Do you hate me?" He asked, sounding broken, uncertain, scared. Even his therapist advised him against going to see Zed, at least until he really felt better. And yet, here he was, going against what was told... He was sabotaging his own mental health.

[vyssini]

Surprised? Shocked? Zed was short of hyperventilating, like a cornered rat. It felt like some invisible hands were wrapped around his throat, choking him. He swallowed hard, again and again to force himself to calm down. He planned to move out before Felix was released. He was planning to run away like a coward. He had to blink a few times just to be sure he wasn't seeing things. But there he stood. Felix! And now, he felt like a thief caught in action. He lowered his eyebrows. Fear. Shame. Guilt. A whole lot of emotions he dared not to name rushed in crashing waves, sweeping his calm underneath. Eh?

 

He raised his head to look at his friend's face. He just heard him apologizing to him. Why? For what? He was confused. He couldn't decide what to say. He knew there was some sort of misunderstanding because right now, it was him who was panicking inside. While he was debating, he heard an even more absurd question. Hate him? Felix? Wasn't he, Zed, the one being hated? Wasn't that the reason he wasn't wanted in the hospital? In his troubled mind, he didn't know what to ask first so he asked the question that came first. "Why are you here?"

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

The silence was killing him. Felix was beginning to feel like there was less and less air he got into his lungs, his breathing becoming shallow as well. The raven could feel his legs trembling, ready to step back and run, but a question soon came his why. Why was he here? Felix's mouth opened once, twice, but he didn't find a reason good enough. "I... Missed you..." He finally said, tears beginning to gather in the corners of his eyes. Hell, he was still fragile after all of this. He was on the edge, close to another breakdown. It probably wouldn't end as drastically as the last one, but it would definitely bring him more pain than he held now.

 

"Zed, I'm sorry, I... I really don't want to lose you, but... If..." There his words ended, his hands rising to cover his face. He shouldn't have come here. No, he should've been allowed to die. Felix felt like everything around him was crumbling, tears wetting his cheeks as he moved his hands up, gripping his hair. He was selfish. He was manipulative. Zed hated him. These three thoughts spun around his head and he was soon trapped in them, like a fly in a spider's web. There was no escape, no medicine nor therapy could really tame his mind entirely.

[vyssini]

His heart skipped a beat. He was missed. He wasn't hated. These thoughts cleared his foggy mind. He couldn't help the corner of his lips to curve up. Only to froze when he saw the expression on Felix's face. Then his friend started mumbling. Zed had the feeling that the words Felix wanted to convey to him was important. He wanted.. No! ..needed to hear them but the words were drowned in silence as his friend covered his face.

 

Ah! He didn't miss the tears. "Felix." He stepped out then changed his mind. He held Felix's right wrist and tried to pull him inside the house. "Let's talk inside." He coaxed him to come in, his voice almost begging. He couldn't explain the distress he felt as the images of Felix lying in hospital bed flashed red in his mind. "Please." Even as he said that, he already decided to keep him from leaving even if Felix tried. He wouldn't let him. He only knew that he couldn't let that hand go or he would regret it.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Felix was close to sobbing, even as Zed tried to talk to him. Only feeling his wrist taken, the scars seemingly burning, was he pulled out from his thoughts. As tears rolled down his face, the man slowly pulled his shaking hands away from his face, slowly stepping into the house with his friend.

 

"I'm so sorry..." He whispered softly, looking down helplessly at the hand that was gripping his wrist. Unable to fight the urge away, the raven clung onto the other, hugging him tightly in fears of him running away. He couldn't take losing someone in this period of life, especially someone who got to know the darker parts of him. Felix hiccuped softly, holding Zed tightly to himself, his eyes squeezed closed.

[vyssini]

For someone like Zed who had always depended on Felix, it was a strange feeling. Him doing the comforting and support. It was a strange thing. He wouldn't say he hated it. But it was really strange and he couldn't explain it well. But one thing was for sure. Felix, right now, looked really weak and pitiful. When he was hugged tightly, he didn't shake him off. He even gathered the other on his embrace. Felix needed him. He needed Felix. What was he thinking?

 

In front of him, he could just be himself. He always acted spoiled for reason like testing his friend's boiling point. He took it for granted believing it would stay that way forever. He believed there's no one who could tolerate his temper like Felix. But recent events woke him up. Felix had enough problems as it is. But.. Distancing himself from Felix? It was too late for that now. Even if tried to run away, when he got tired, he would undoubtedly go back to him. He buried his head on Felix's neck as the familiar and comfortable scent welcomed him.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Felix was sure he would be pushed away, so imagine his surprise and relief when he wasn't. Squeezing Zed tightly, the man let the tears flow freely, soft hiccups coming from his mouth. "Please, don't ever leave me." He whispered, a quiet plead. He was ready to do whatever it took to keep his friend with him. He couldn't lose him. Felix's tears, of course, came to an end at some point and he was ready to let go... That was still damn hard. As he pulled away slightly, fearfully looking up into the other's eyes, he looked rather pathetic. He wanted to be loved so bad, he would probably willingly become a punching bag if it meant he was needed. Right now, he was insanely easy to manipulate.

 

"I'm sorry, I'm making this about myself... I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." He mumbled without a reason, feeling as if he was going crazy. Nothing felt real, but everything hurt. Looking into Zed's eyes, Felix didn't realize his whole body was shaking. He really wasn't doing so well, but Zed... Zed had cancer, he'd almost forgotten about that. He was a horrible person. "D... Did you go to your appointments? Did you start treatment?" Felix asked, trying desperately to forget about the thoughts in his own head and focus on his friend. Friend... Were they really still friends?

[vyssini]

He felt a pang of guilt when he heard Felix's plea. Even though he said that him moving out was just for practical convenience, he couldn't deny that what convinced him was the thought of putting some distance from his friend even just for a while. If Felix came a bit later, he would have left without a word. So, he couldn't really respond. Looking at his friend who was slightly trembling in his arms, he could only thank the heavens, he hadn't left. Considering Felix's current state of mind, he could only shudder at the thought of what his reaction could be. His emotional state wasn't any better either.

 

"Oh? Appointments? Not yet. Been busy err.. packing." He bit his lower lip nervously. He just have to explain so that Felix wouldn't misunderstand. "Treatments hasn't started either. I'm still fixing some things on my end. It won't be easy." He couldn't say that he hadn't even decided on the treatment so it would be impossible to start. He had been thinking of the money the treatments would cost him.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Felix's body shook with another hiccup, the realization hitting him again. "Why are you moving out?" He asked, his voice trembling. He knew exactly why, Zed hated him, Zed wanted to leave him. He felt like everything around him just fell apart as the other said he hadn't started treatment. He himself had to pay quite a lot of money for the therapy and meds, but he still had enough to go through... Did Zed?

 

"Is it about money? I can-... I can lend you some, I can give you what you need." Felix said quietly, his voice pleading. He wouldn't lose his friend. Not now, not ever. A goal slowly became clear in his head. He would do everything he could do keep Zed by his side, no matter what it took. He would sacrifice himself if he had to, but he would make Zed happy. And most importantly, alive, and no longer with cancer. His puffy, red eyes were focused on the person on his mind, and only him. "Just ask for what you need." He added, his fingers twitching. He wasn't okay. He tried his best to hide it, but he failed, he failed as much as one could fail.

[vyssini]

A feeling of panic grew in his heart. Zed knew the situation that's why he refused to agitate Felix more. He tried to explain but he didn't know how to start. He didn't want to lie and neither did he want to be pitied. His problems were his own. Felix needed not to worry about him too much. "I.." He racked his brain on how to explain the situation that wouldn't sound like he was trying to make a slip before being found out. Felix's next question gave him a chance to change the flow.

 

Zed's brows was in a straight line. Dissatisfaction was apparent on his slightly pale face. "What are you saying?" He was offended by the offer. "Do you really think I will sink too low that I will be asking for your money? Or do you think giving me this kind of help will ensure that I stay." He pulled away from Felix. "Is this really how you see me? I know I've been relying on you and acting spoiled. But to think that.." He stopped to take a breath and blew a heavy sigh. He was mad; not on Felix but on himself. He knew he was blowing this out of proportion and his reaction was quite exaggerated.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Felix seemed to freeze entirely. He shook his head desperately, his hands squeezing into fists before relaxing, over and over again. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please... Don't... I didn't mean to, I don't see you-... Please forgive me... " He muttered hopelessly. "I just wanted to help, and if money's the problem, you really shouldn't... Shouldn't hesitate... I'm sure you'd pay me back..." Felix spoke quietly, his voice shaky. He really just wanted to help... Money wasn't such a big deal, he had to help his friend out when he was in need.

 

"Zed... Zed, are you moving... Because of me?.." He asked hesitantly, eyes full of tears. He couldn't keep himself together. He loved Zed... How could he live a life without him? It seemed sad, empty and unfulfilled. It seemed like hell. Felix reached out with shaky fingers, his wrists thinner than normal, the scars stretched out over his skin. Lightly touching his hand with his cold fingers, Felix looked up into his friend's eyes, hoping not to cry. "Please..." He nearly hiccuped out. He didn't know what to do.

[vyssini]

It wasn't really about the money. It was about his pride. Zed had decided to stand his ground and so, he couldn't accept help especially from Felix. Call it stubbornness but he had to make a point. But looking at his friend's helpless reaction, how could his resolve not falter. Nonetheless, he wouldn't accept money from Felix. He'd rather cut down on his other expenses and bite the bullet than to borrow money from his sick friend. Felix would also need the money and spending it on him who wasn't sure if he could still.. No! No! He shook his head. His thinking had became more negative these days.

 

Like a puff of smoke, his anger dissipated the moment those scars went in line of his vision. Unconsciously, he reached out to touch Felix's wrist. Holding it so carefully, his thumb tracing them lightly as if any minute it could break. It was painful to look at. How long was it since those awful marks were made? He didn't know. He didn't even noticed all these years they were together. "Does it hurt?" His voice was closer to a broken whisper as his hand lightly shook. He bit his lip before answering Felix's question hoping his nonsense didn't reach his friend's ears. This time his voice was more subdued and gentle. "No. It wasn't because of you. I just thought the house is too big." He had been living in this house for several years and he knew his excuse was lame but he couldn't say the truth. "You're just thinking too much." He smiled to assure Felix hoping his acting was at least convincing.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Felix flinched slightly as his wrist was touched, the question making him tear up again. He shook his head, but it was a lie. The scars weren't supposed to hurt, but god, they did. When Zed touched them they burned, like his fingertips were blades, slicing them open over and over again. He doubted he would ever really get over them, he doubted he would ever forgive himself for doing that. He felt weak... He was weak.

 

"I'm... You're probably right..." Felix let out a shaky sigh as Zed said he was moving out because of the size. He would've taken any kind of reason now, anything to convince him that it wasn't because of his breakdown. "Can I stay here for a bit?.. I promise I'll leave in the evening... I miss you." Felix murmured quietly, a bit of desperation in his pleading voice. He had to make sure he wasn't just dreaming, that Zed was actually here, and that he wouldn't leave. "Where are you moving?" Felix asked, looking up at his friend's eyes. He didn't want to screw up their relationship. He didn't want to be too pushy, but god, he had to know Zed wasn't about to leave him. "And... When are you starting treatment?.." He asked hesitantly, lightly gripping the other's hand. He couldn't die. He couldn't leave him like this.

[vyssini]

Zed just wanted to finish moving his things to his new place. Though, he was planning to leave and empty the house by today but it wasn't really necessary for him to do so. So there wasn't any problem if he agreed on staying for another night. Besides, he couldn't refuse Felix. Deep inside, he was still a bit afraid of his friend's condition. And what the doctor told him about his great influence on Felix's state of mind made him even more careful with his choice of words. He couldn't tell if staying together was actually better than being apart. But he knew separation would really hurt him deeply.

 

"Y-Yeah. Of course. it doesn't matter even we stayed through the night." He looked at Felix with deeply troubled expression. "I.. I also missed you." His voice was only a bit louder than a whisper. He purposely avoided discussing his new place. He didn't have any intention on keeping it as a secret from his good friend but giving the address was neither a good idea. "The treatment.. I was still undecided." He hesitantly admitted. He forced a small smile.