One More Moment (Vyssini and Zombie) [18+]

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Felix's heart fell at the troubled expression. No, he was inconveniencing his friend, wasn't he? "Do you want me to... To leave?" He asked quietly, feeling as something was tearing him into a million tiny pieces from inside. Hearing that Zed missed him, though, that pulled at his heart in a different, better way. He couldn't fight off the small smile that made it up to his face, although it was a bit hesitant. He still wasn't sure if this was a dream or not.

 

Looking at the other cautiously, he reached out to lightly take his hand. Even if his hands were cold, he needed the touch. "Still undecided?... But if you take too long, there can..." He swallowed down the lump in his throat, looking down. "Please don't die." He whispered softly, holding his hand tightly in both of his own. If Zed still hadn't decided, it probably meant he was considering not having any treatment... And that would mean he died. "I don't know if that'd help you or just make it worse, but... I can always go with you, you know?" Felix managed a smile, although he still felt like he was crumbling apart, like a statue from ancient times, standing in the rain. He couldn't lose him. He kept repeating that, but if Zed actually died, he felt like he would go crazy. He probably would. If Zed died, he would die along.

[vyssini]

"NO-no-no!" He hastily replied. Zed reached for Felix to reassure him that he wasn't bothered by the other's presence. Seeing his friend's dejected expression made him broke in cold sweat. Though the small smile that he got afterwards lessened his nervousness.

 

Hearing Felix's plea, he didn't know whether to laugh or cry. "It's not like I'm going to die just because I waited for a bit more. he-he" He tried to lighten the mood but only a forced and dry laugh came out of his lips. He knew dragging the issue would just complicate his condition but he really couldn't decide. "I know. And I'm grateful for that. But I want to go alone. Besides, do you really want to go back there? You just got released." He squeezed the other's hand. He didn't have to know what the other was thinking because fear and anxiety was clear in those eyes. He sighed.

 

"I'll go. Okay. Maybe ah, tomorrow or the day after but certainly this week. So you don't have to worry too much." He said it trying to placate Felix and also convince himself it's time to act.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Felix breathed out shakily, gripping Zed's hand tightly. "If you wait too much you will die. I'm scared of that." He admitted quietly, the forced out laughter making him shake slightly. He really didn't want Zed to die. His frown only deepened when the other said he wanted to go alone. "If you want that... But I can go, just so you know." He said quietly, managing a small, broken smile. He was trying to get better, but it really wasn't going that well.

 

"Make sure to call me when you do, okay?" He asked, holding onto his hand tightly. "I can't not worry. You have to go and... Just get better..." Felix murmured, slowly letting go of his hand. "And, um... Really, if you ever need me to come with you, I will. Even if you just want me to be with you until you get to the hospital... I just want to help you." I need to help you to feel okay. Zed was Felix's motivation to live.

[vyssini]

It's not that he didn't understand what makes Felix so anxious. He was just pretending not to see. He was trying to be brave but accepting and acknowledging Felix's fears... Zed wasn't ready. If he voiced it out, it would be same as removing the veil he was trying to put over his heart. He knew he was deceiving himself. But he need to do it to breathe. He couldn't even have a decent sleep Worrying about everything over and over.

 

Of course, he was afraid. Damn it! Who didn't fear death? But it was a big decision to make. And he knew he had to decide and soon. But the more he thought, the more afraid he became.

 

He looked at Felix as he bit his lower lip to keep the quiver. He wanted to hug him and rant. He wanted to vent his frustrations and fears. He wanted him to support him. He wanted him to stay with him. He wanted to hold on to his hand tightly until everything was over. But he wouldn't. He could barely keep his pretense and keep himself from breaking down. Right now, Felix was more unstable than he was. He shouldn't burden him more than he already did. "I'll make sure to tell you first. And, you being here is already a big help. Worrying about me all the time." Zed smiled. "I know you care so much about me. And just that thought already makes me happy."

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Zed's happiness seemed fake. It felt like a stab to the heart for Felix. He couldn't hide any of his emotions by now, so, obviously, it reflected in his eyes. "How can I not worry about you? Someone has to..." He muttered quietly, slowly pulling his friend into a soft hug. "I do care a lot. And... I wish you cared more about yourself, too." He murmured, holding him close, though not tightly. If Zed had wanted, he would've been able to pull away at any moment. Felix just wanted to help. No matter how broken he was himself, his friend... His loved one, he couldn't feel happy himself if they weren't. Zed had always been someone he needed desperately in his life. Always. Ever since they met, he knew he needed the other. He just... Completed him.

 

"Zed, you just need to talk to me... I-I'm always here for you, y'know?" He managed a small, weak, trembling smile. "I really want you to be happy..." He added quietly, still hugging the other. Did Zed want to be happy himself? Felix knew that sometimes people didn't really know if they wanted to be happy. Either the concept of happiness was long forgotten, or the sadness was just so familiar, trading it out seemed wrong. He knew that feeling very well. If he hadn't, he wouldn't even have those scars he tried to hide so desperately. "Zed..." He muttered, letting out a quiet, shaky sigh. "Even if you don't want to be happy-... Can you try for me?" He asked quietly, hesitantly, his voice weak. Was it really right for him to ask for something like this?

[vyssini]

Zed swallowed hard, bending his head with his eyes open and staring at the floor. There he stood trying not to tremble. He made sure Felix couldn't see his face. Because the moment he heard his best friend's words, something in him almost broke. He was sure the slight trembling of his lips would have gave away his dark thoughts. Deep inside, he was questioning if it was even worth it. Disregarding the expenses and costs, the treatment would require him to stay in the hospital for god knew how long and the procedures might be painful. He didn't like hospitals and didn't like pain. He had enough of both. Just the thought of him spending day after day laying in a hospital bed with a needle stuck on his arms was enough to make his head swirl. Did he really need to subject himself from such torture? How could Felix be so perceptive at times like this? He let out a deep breath.

 

"That..that's not it." He tried to sound convincing but his voice was weak. Who didn't want to be happy? But it's not like he would be just because he wanted to. In just a few days, his world turned upside down. He learned about his condition. His friend, his touchstone.. well, just tried to kill himself. What's worse was he felt responsible for it. He felt helpless and tired.. so tired. He was unsure of what to say or do. He couldn't even meet Felix's eyes because of the guilt kept eating him from inside. "Okay." He just answered the other's last question halfheartedly.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Felix's heart fell at how weak his friend's voice was. He held him tighter, slowly beginning to run his hand over his hair. He let Zed hide into his shoulder, forcing himself to stay strong, at least for now. Zed needed him... And he would make sure he did everything he could to be there for him. "Zed, you know you're a horrible liar." He tried to joke weakly, holding his head close as he began to rock, as if trying to soothe a child into sleep. "I know this is a lot, but... I-I'm better now, I'll be there for you... As long as you let me." He muttered, slowly pulling away. He cupped his friend's cheeks, his eyes full of worry and... And love.

 

"I... Zed, I really can't lose you." He whispered softly, his chest aching at the sight of him like this. "I..." He gulped down, unsure if he really wanted to say it. "I love you, you know?" His smile was weak, and he just seemed scared. He wasn't lying though. Especially in a time like this, he had to make sure he didn't regret something. And... Not letting Zed know how he felt about him, about them, it was something he would regret a lot. He wasn't brave enough to illustrate his words with action, though, even if all he wanted was to kiss the man in front of him and promise him all of the bad things would pass... Even if he knew they wouldn't. Bad things in life seemed to appear more and more often lately.

[vyssini]

When Felix's embrace tightened, Zed let him. His body shivered lightly before he calmed down under the soothing and gentle caress of his friend. I know! He wanted to say but not wanting to break the spell he was under, he maintained his silence instead. Lying to Felix was hard for even Zed himself couldn't be bothered to believe his lies. Felix's next words made him bite his lower lip. He almost blurted out: Yes! Please stay with me! He was even reluctant to pull away. Though he let himself be comforted by Felix words. Zed swallowed thickly as he leaned forward and pressed his cheeks on Felix's hands with his eyes closed. As his eyelids fluttered open, he let out a soft groan. He couldn't pull away especially with that gaze directed at him as if only Zed mattered.

 

"Me, too. I don't want to lose you." He buried his face on Felix's hands, giving himself some needed time. He stilled when he heard something like a confession. But the thought immediately vanished from his mind. Those words might mean otherwise. Maybe Felix was trying to tell him he really was important to his friend. But.. "Stop!"

 

This time, when he opened his eyes, his gaze was accusing. "If you meant it, you wouldn't.. wouldn't..." His voice cracked and a stifled sob escaped his lips as the image of his friend lying unconscious in the hospital flickered in his eyes. He could remember how helpless he felt. A surge of anger burst out from his chest. He withdrew from Felix's hold and took a step back. "You.. Why do you think you can ask me to be strong. f-for you. When you..you.." His lips trembled. ..when you can give up and leave me behind just like that.. He continued shouting soundlessly in his mind.

 

"Unfair." He whispered.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Felix felt like he was just pushed off a cliff. Zed... He sounded so broken and angry. Felix had to physically force himself from running away again. He couldn't allow himself to do that again. And yet, feeling his friend slip out of his arms hurt. The stifled sob, although quiet, seemed to pierce right through him in the most painful ways possible. Still, he stood there, everything in his body screaming, his thoughts a mess, his emotions taking over him until he shoved them away. He didn't matter... Zed mattered. He was supposed to take care of Zed now. He had to. He screwed up once, he didn't want to do that again. He couldn't.

 

"I do mean it." He said quietly, gently reaching out, barely touching the other's cheek. "You're... You're the most important person for me... Please don't push me away again." He whispered, desperately blinking away the tears. He wasn't going to cry, not this time. "I'm sorry, Zed... I'm so sorry..." Felix muttered, gently cupping his cheek, even though he knew his hands were near ice cold. He couldn't stand seeing the other this way... He knew he was at fault, but he couldn't change the past, nor could he change his illness. He was trying, but it didn't happen at the snap of his fingers.

 

"I... I promise I won't leave you again. No matter what, I'll stay with you!..." He offered a weak smile, his lower lip trembling ever so faintly. "I really won't leave you... Zed, Zed, I love you... I love you so much..." He whispered, fighting back the urge to sob. He was trying hard to be strong now, but he felt like a kid who was sure that he saw a monster in his closet and now wanted to go to his parents. He felt lost, and incredibly scared... Hell, both of them probably were that way. He just wanted to help...

[vyssini]

Felix was being so gentle. He flinched at his cold fingertips but it worked like magic. He leaned on Felix's hand, brushing his lips softly as he closed his eyes. The raging emotions that was burning his gut was pacified and soothed by his voice. The apologies fell on his ears but it sounded so brokenhearted that also made his heart hurt. He wanted to say it was fine, but he wasn't about to lie because it wasn't. But what happened was also partially his fault though he wasn't ready to say it out loud. That and the fact that he almost purred at his friend's touch must be kept from the person concerned.

 

He inhaled sharply, unsure of what to say. His mind was too clouded with his emotions all over the place. Felix's words though, his confessions.. He had heard them before. But this was the first time he believed them to be more. The thick emotions that coated each words was undeniable. And it was odd, he was sure he had been angrier but it dissipated to uncertainty and self-doubt. And he would be damned if he admitted that little skip in his heart beat.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Felix was glad that his friend was at least not pushing him away, but the silence was killing him. He hated not knowing what Zed actually thought of all this. "Say something..." He whispered quietly, feeling as if his heart was tearing in two. It was impossible for him to hide his feelings anymore. Not in this situation. Not with this many emotions raging inside of him like the biggest storm he'd experienced.

 

He moved closer before pressing the softest, gentlest kiss to Zed's lips. He didn't want to run anymore... What happened, happened. He closed his eyes, begging to not be pushed away. He knew he wouldn't be able to handle that... Then again, it was almost like he was forcing himself onto Zed. He really was incredibly selfish. Could he really help it, though? Of course not. He craved for affection and love. Especially from Zed. Zed was his world, his everything... It sounded super cheesy, but Zed was his light. Without him, there was no life. So now, he just tried to enjoy however long the kiss would last.

[vyssini]

With his eyes closed, Zed was debating on how to address the confession. Now, that he calmed down, he was able to think. Shouldn't he be freaking out a bit? He just learned his best friend had feelings for him. That fact would change things between them. Though, Felix's touch felt so... right! At least that should count. Zed searched his heart. He was... happy? He wasn't sure how to answer and so he refused to open his eyes. He was sure that the moment he did, he had to give an answer.

 

But it seemed Felix didn't plan to give him time to deliberate and argue with himself. The touch of their lips melt all his 'buts' and 'ifs'. Zed straightened his back, holding his breath. His eyes automatically opened, glaring with disbelief. He was shocked for he never expected to be kissed. After a moment, Zed kissed back. His thoughts were a mess yet again. He couldn't focus.. But he did understand one thing. It was that he wouldn't mind not breaking the spell that currently bound he and his best friend.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Felix couldn't describe the fear that flooded over him when he felt Zed tense up. He fucked up. He really fucked up... Or had he? It seemed like an hour had passed until his friend kissed back, although in reality it was only a few moments. Felix placed both of his hands gently on his cheeks, deepening the kiss just a little bit. God, he'd been dreaming of doing this for so long, it felt like a dream. Zed's lips were so soft and warm... While his own, although soft as well, were probably colder. His whole body was cold.

 

Everything came to an end, of course. Felix finished the kiss, pulling away barely a couple of inches, his eyelashes fluttering open with a small, shy smile blooming across his face. "I really can't lose you now." He muttered with the same soft smile staying on his face. He felt so great, like while they kissed all of his troubles had been washed away. They would come back, surely, but it would be easier to fight them now. His feelings weren't pushed away, and Zed didn't seem to be angry at the kiss. His motivation to live only became bigger now... As well as his resolve to keep Zed alive as well. He didn't think the two of them could call themselves boyfriends so soon, though. This could've been just an experiment of some sort. He still liked it, though. A lot.

[vyssini]

As Zed let himself be lost to the kiss, his hands moved and wrapped around his friends neck like holding on to his lifeline.. When their lips parted, Zed gave Felix a dazed look. He found himself a bit disappointed and unwilling to let go. His lips quivered slightly when he opened them to say something before shutting up. Zed lightly pulled away to put some distance between them but his hand remained on Felix's shoulder while the other slid to the man's chest. He could feel the erratic beats beneath his palm. He dipped his head and peeked out at Felix from beneath his lashes. Just in time to see the shy smile from the other's lips. He was just kissing those lips.. He thought as he felt warm heat on his ears.

 

“Yeah.” Zed swallowed hard, taking a quick breath, his eyes waiting for the other to continue to talk.Though he didn't actually understand what Felix said. But he noticed that his voice sounded hoarse even to his own ears.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Felix's heart skipped a beat when their eyes met for a brief moment. It was right after that that he saw the blush going up to Zed's ears. God... He really could be cute. What made him a bit nervous, though, was the hand over his chest. He could feel his heart beating hard and fast, and so could Zed. That he was sure of. It was funny how even in such a situation he still managed to be embarrassed with simple things as such.

 

"I... I just can't believe you're moving." He finally said, his voice quiet, as if he was hurt. Well, he was, but he figured he didn't mean as much as Zed did. "Are you sure?..." He asked softly, gently running his fingertips over the other's cheek, moving to the back of his head, slowly running through the strands of hair. He knew it always calmed him down when people stroked his hair, so perhaps it would help his friend as well. His... Boyfriend? No, it was too soon. But he didn't think they could call themselves simply friends anymore. Zed didn't resist the kiss and he was still staying pretty close to him now, so their feelings had to be the same. Words simply couldn't describe the relief Felix felt after realizing that.