~Speak Silently~ ((Pandamonium and Alexia))

[pandamonium]

Hotaka was shaking from the experience. He clung onto the boy, protectively. Feeling his shirt grow humid from tears. He rubbed his back, trying to sooth the shivering boy. He remained silent for several minutes, trying to calm his rattled nerves.

"Are you alright?"

He could feel the boy's heart beating against his chest. Tears began to prick his eyes. What could've caused the boy to want to off himself?

 

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[alexia__]

Kazue didn't speak but only watched the other boy. Tears still ran down his wide caramel eyes, but he watching with a mesmerizing attraction.

He didn't know if it was the curls in the hair, or perhaps the tan skin but Kazue found no words in his head and complete taken aback by everything specially the deep purple eyes.

His grip on the others shirt did not lessen instead remained afraid that if he let go it would've been all a dream.

He knew who this guy was, most people knew him as that kid, but Kazue now knew him as an angel.

[pandamonium]

Hotaka looked at the boy. He had never seen him before. The boy's caramel eyes were mesmerizing. He felt a tad uncomfortable at being stared at. Most people looked down at him because of his heritage, but not this boy. He didn't see an ounce of disgust or smugness in his. He hugged the boy tightly to his chest.

"Are you alright?"

[alexia__]

"Y-yes" answered Kazue in a small voice as he felt the others warm embrace spread through his body. The smell of his shampoo and skin became stuck in Kazue's nose.

It was a complete mystery as to how he could remain so comfortable in the arms of a stranger, not to mention a man but a caring one at that.

Finally he felt himself coming back, not as scared anymore but still timid to face his savior.

"I-I'm sorry" said Kazue "I'm better now"

This was a lie, how could he be better, perhaps momentarily but not in a long run.

[pandamonium]

Hotaka gave him an unsure smile, but let go of the boy, nonetheless.

"If you say so...here."

He pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket, handing it to the boy.

"Here. If you don't mind my asking...what were you trying to do?"

He bit his lip in realization over what he had asked. "Never mind, I'm sorry. You don't have to answer that. You still seem shaken up, want to come to my house until you feel better?"

[alexia__]

A red blush filled his face as Kazue heard the question, now he was more embarrassed than anything in the world. Not only that but to have someone see him.

"I-its alright" he says taking the cloth and drying his face with it "nothing was intended....I just gave up for a second there"

The explanation was simple enough that it gave no hint as to what had occurred, it was no mystery of what he had intended but perhaps he could avoid speaking about it.

"I'll give this back when its clean" knowing that the other would not drop him made Kazue it emphasize it even more "Don't worry I will be giving it back" the hint was not on the handkerchief but more on the fact the he'd keep himself alive enough time to give it back.

[pandamonium]

Hotaka looked at him with a pain in his chest. So what he had seen was not imagined. This boy...tried to take his own life.

"Don't give up. You may not realize it, but...there are people who care about you. If you don't want to continue living, then at least live for them. I would be sad if you were to...disappear."

He looked at his handkerchief, then at the boy. Smiling brightly.

"I'll make you keep your promise."

[alexia__]

"I'll make sure to do that..." he said but later murmured " for you". Kazue gave the other glances when he wasn't looking memorizing his face, eyes, hair and everything. From below the school uniform he could tell, that if the other worked on it, he would be quite big due to his body structure: but its not like anyone was admiring.

 

'Ah his hair' he said inwardly as the other moves and shows how his curls feel nicely around how ear to hug the back on the teens neck.

[pandamonium]

Hotaka smiled, "that's very kind of you. But...are you feeling better now?"

He was still worried of the boy's wellbeing. "What's your name? Mine's Hotaka!"

He felt like he needed to learn more of the boy. Learn what could've caused him to almost end his own life. Maybe help him in any way he could.

[alexia__]

"Ah-h I'm Kazue" he says jumping back to reality. The two were standing face to face now, the sun setting behind them and a soft breeze blew. If it wasn't for what had happened minutes ago then the scenery would've fit a confession perfectly. Slightly Kazue bowed as he introduced himself, the phone in his pocket vibrated.

 

"I've seen you around but never spoken to you, I'm glad that we've spoken" the phone in Kazue's pocket went off again. HE quickly checked and great agitated at the contact name but the second he read the message his nerves managed to relax.

 

We will be out for sometime

 

This was far more than what he could've asked for, the message meant that they might be out for a full week and that meant peace.

"I-I should probably head home now Hotaka"

[pandamonium]

Hotaka grinned. "I'm glad to meet you Kazue-kun!"

He chuckled, nervously, scratching the back of his head. "I'm sorry. I've never seen you around. I think today was the first time I met you. How do you even know of me? I din't think we're even in the same grade. You seem rather young. First year?"

 

He watched as the boy tensed then relaxed at the message. He wondered if perhaps his parents were contacting him over being late. He nodded. "Alright. I'll see you tomorrow. Take care!"

He stood up, grabbing his bag.

[alexia__]

"No same year" he answers with a soft smile "but its alright I try to not stand out much" Kazue was not going to say how he knew the other, perhaps because it was mainly rude comments, so he left that part unanswered.

Waving at him he gave his goodbyes and left the school grounds. Everything soon sunk in but it was lighter when he thought of Hotaka and how he'd saved him.

'There really are people like that' he thinks to himself.

Once at home, Kazue slowly opens the door and everything is quiet, and deserted. Quickly he heads to him room, showers, calmly does homework, and goes to the kitchen.

The peace of not living in fear was so overwhelming that he found himself smiling because of the emptied house "if only I could go away"

[pandamonium]

Hotaka returned the wave, grinning widely, before turning and heading home. The entire walk home felt like walking on clouds. He had been replaying the other's smile and words that he didn't notice when he had arrived home.

Entering his room, he dropped his bag and collapsed on his bed. Laying there in a daze. Wondering when he'd get a chance of seeing the other lad.

 

He hadn't realized he had fallen asleep until his mother entered the room, nudging him awake.

"You're usually not one for naps. You must've been exhausted."

He sat up, giving a nod. "Yeah. I guess I must've been tired. Sorry. I'll get started on dinner."

He jumped off, but was stopped by his mother.

"It's fine. I made dinner."

He felt terrible. His mother worked hard to support them, returning late and tired. He nodded and followed her into the kitchen.

[alexia__]

That morning Kazue was running late for school, his legs burned as he ran the last few blocks checking his watch every second. Since there was no one home, he wasn't shocked awake by the noises of doors slamming or anything of that sort. Therefore, for one, he got a decent nights rest. As for the wounds they seemed to be healing well but not fast enough.

 

Quickly he made it up the stairs into the class and his chair seconds before the bell went off.

'wow lucky' and so his day started.

Kazue had to admit he wasn't paying attention at all, all he had in mind was lunch and returning Hotaka's handkerchief, who was in his pocket. The small thing brought back a bit of peace, and strength but that was just him.

 

"Remember your career applications" said the teacher before the whole class transitioned to lunch. He rose form his chair and began his search for the curly hair

[pandamonium]

Hotaka hadn't eaten much during lunch, his mother was a tad worried, but he assured her he had eaten too much before he fell asleep. She didn't believe him, but said nothing.

 

That night, he had difficulty going to sleep. He was worried of Kazue. He hoped that he was doing better, regretting not giving the boy his number in case of an emergency.

 

That morning, he woke up early. Yawning as he got up, staggering into the bathroom for his early morning routine. He hadn't slept a wink that night, he blamed it on the nap, but knew it was due to worrying about Kazue.

 

He got to class early, finishing the homework he had forgotten to do the night before. He hoped to see him again. He wanted to make sure he was alive and well.

[alexia__]

Kazue paced down the hallway of the school looking for the tall curly haired boy, his eyes wondered here and there but did not find him.

A large crowd of people were gathered in front of the bulletin board because mid-term results had entered, showing the top 100 of the class, but Kazue rushed by them ignoring the names.

He had gotten number 15; some time in the past he would have been proud now it was just another score.

'Where are you?' he asked himself now wondering if the guy even came to the school to begin with. Disappointed he headed back and was slightly tossed around in the crowed of students. His eyes drifted to the board and settled on his name. His hand touched the handkerchief in his pocket and smiled.

[pandamonium]

Hotaka had left his class in a rush. A desire to to see the other boy. He had gone to check the spot they had last met, but he was not there. Maybe he was on the school's roof. Running up the steps, he got to the top. No sign of him. He sighed in defeat and began his slow return to his class. He noticed a crowd of students and walked over to them. It was the results for the mid-term. He couldn't see very well because of the crowd, he tapped the shoulder of the lad in front of him.

"Excuse me, mind telling me my score? I can't see it very well from here."

[alexia__]

Kazue turned around after hearing a familiar voice, he looked to see the curls and Hotaka.

'Its him' he tells himself growing excited but then quickly becomes shy.

Slowly he walks towards the other and slightly taps his shoulder "H-hey" he says

His breath got caught in his throat as they eyes met, the color was so distinct that Kazue could do nothing but stare...again.

"Ahh I'm sorry..." he quickly apologizes for staring too long "I have something for you"

The smaller boy fidgeted with his hands while he waited for a reply.

[pandamonium]

Hotaka turned to feeling his arm being tapped, the guy in front of him walked away. He never noticed, got too caught up looking at the other boy. A smile growing, feeling his heart beat, wildly. He was too excited of seeing the boy, he only caught the last few words he said.

"Huh? What do you want to give me?"

He took a step forward, leaning down to better hear the boy.

[alexia__]

"Here" says Kazue taking the small handkerchief out of his pocket and handing it to Hotaka. it was a bit of a surprised when their fingers touched, a small shock zapped Kazue making him jump a little but quickly he laughed it off.

"S-sorry that was weird" shyly he looks to the floor feeling the others gaze on him.

 

'What's he thinking? am I weird right now?' Kazue's head kept making up a million scenarios that made him far more embarrassed that he was meant to be.

[pandamonium]

Hotaka grins, a bit sad to see the handkerchief so soon. Afraid that Kazue was continuing with his plans of ending it. He looks at the handkerchief before taking it. Taken by surprised when it shocked his hand. Looking at Kazue.

"No need to apologize. It happens. Thank you. I'm surprised of how soon you returned it to me."

 

"Um, mind having lunch with me? I made a bit too much and would you mind helping me eat it? If you haven't brought a lunch or anything." He scratches his head nervously awaiting for Kazue's respond. He felt like he was being too forward.

[alexia__]

He laughed at this and kind of hesitated but say that Hotaka too was nervous

"Actually I didn't bring mine because I was running late"

Usually these invitations were limited but since he owed this guy so much, and he was fairly friendly, Kazue agreed.

 

"Would you like me to get us drink?" he asks as they passed by the vending machines, it would be a nice addition for the two.

As they walked Kazue realized that he was smiling, and acting a bit bubbly, which was not a usual.

[pandamonium]

Hotaka grinned. "Great! I wasn't paying attention this morning and over stuffed my bento. I'd hate to see all this food go to waste."

Walking besides him made him think that it felt like they had known each other for years.

 

"If you don't mind. I'll take a coffee, please."

He never got to eat lunch with a friend before. It was exciting. He would look over at Kazue every now and then. His smile was heartwarming. He looked so happy, he felt his heart skip a beat.

[alexia__]

He quickly walked over to the large machine and clicked, orange juice, and coffee. Both the cans in his hand as he walked next to Hotaka.

"It happen, so do you cook for yourself?" he asked giving him a glimpse. From some distance one could tell that the boy was very capable, perhaps even hiding himself, but Kazue ignored his thoughts since he would usually over think people and they would become uncomfortable.

His hair feel to his eyes and he blew it away "where are we going?"

[pandamonium]

Hotaka nodded. "Yeah. It's just me and my mom. And she's usually gone before I wake up in the morning, so I have to make my own meals. What about you? Does your mother make your meals or do you?"

He wasn't aware of the hell that Kazue lived in.

He looked over at the other, his grin never wavering. "I'll eat wherever you'd like to eat. I usually just eat in class."