~Speak Silently~ ((Pandamonium and Alexia))

[alexia__]

His face froze at the mentioned of his mother, and his face turned into a dark mess, but quickly enough he remembers that school and his life were not to be mixed.

"Ah she does.." he lied "but its mature that you make meals and such, I can't wait to taste it"

Kazue could imagine why the other would eat in class, specially since the school was such a drama hole, but he felt his heart go to the other since he must have it hard. But he didn't mind eating in Hotaka's class "W-we can eat together from now on" he says looking to the floor slightly blushing.

[pandamonium]

Hotaka narrowed his eyes. He didn't believe the other. There must be something in his life that nearly caused him to end it , but he would never tell him. He shrugged his shoulders.

"Not really. I'm not mature at all. I just rather not have to deal with the large crowd in the cafeteria. But if you'd like, I could make your lunch for you. I mean if your mother doesn't mind. That way in case she gets busy, you won't get hungry."

He didn't like eating lunch in his class, but he didn't know who else to be around. He hadn't made a single friend since they moved here from the city years ago. He beamed.

"Really? That's great! I'm happy we get to have lunch together!"

[alexia__]

Kazue was a bit alarmed at the offering of having his lunch made, the idea to have Hotaka make I

It simply was too overwhelming "I could never ask you..." he began to say but remembered that it would probably make the other happier if he accepted "f-fine you can bring me lunch only! if I buy drinks and snacks for us" he didn't want to bother anyone but a trade trade deal sounded fair.

Hotaka's class was rather full of students which was a small surprise for Kazue. They sat and he talked away. "Food taste better when eaten with someone, besides it makes you happy and all"

[pandamonium]

Hotaka grinned. Surprised that the other accepted his offer. He was over the moon with joy at being able to make Kazue lunch every day. It made him happy to the point bursting. He went over to sit in his seat. It was usually the emptiest part of the class, since everyone else would rather sit in the back or the front. He pulled out his lunch and some cutlery.

"It does! I don't usually have the pleasure of sharing lunch with someone, so I'm ecstatic that we get to share lunch together! Dig in!"

[alexia__]

The lunch send so good that Kazue's mouth watered.

"Mhhhh" he said as he took a bite "home made" his cheeks slightly flushed as he chewed that delicious food. Not often did he eat home made food, actually it was pretty much a never since the kitchen hadn't been touched since he started high school.

Kazue opened his juice can and took a sip from it, now taking another bite

"So what do you like to do Hotaka?" He asked interested in hobbies and such. Although he did not make too much communication with people often, Hotaka was a must.

[pandamonium]

Hotaka ate his food, thinking about Kazue's question. Taking one more bite, before swallowing.

"Well...I don't really have hobbies. I kind of just...do my chores and cook...I do like cooking some meals my dad taught me when I was a kid. He said to never forget where you're from and that's why he'd teach me some dishes from his homeland. So I guess that's my hobby...I guess. What about you? Any hobbies?"

He sipped his coffee, enjoying the bitterness.

[alexia__]

It was fairly obvious that Hotaka was not a fully Japanese person, not that it mattered, but the thought that perhaps he was sensitive towards it stopped Kazue from asking about it.

The mention of the dishes did get his attention and he made a mental note to ask about it late, and also more personal ones.

"Ahhh" he says "reading, I just really like to read" he didn't want to appear boring but aside form that there was nothing he'd want to do more than read all the time.

Kazue took the last zips of juice and smiled "the food was amazing Hotaka thank you a lot"

[pandamonium]

Hotaka grinned. Sipping his coffee. "That's pretty cool. What kind of books do you read?"

He wanted to learn more about Kazue. His hobbies. His goals. His dreams. His fears. Everything.

He set aside his bento, gulping the rest of the coffee. Feeling overjoyed from the compliment.

"Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. Anything in particular you're in the mood for? I could make it for you tomorrow."

[alexia__]

"Fiction is nice I read some of those, although at times I will switch to some action or mystery because it keeps my thoughts running" he adds "yet the ones I love the most are science ones, like non fiction sciences you could say it's also my favorite subject"

He watched Hotaka grow happy at his compliment and slightly blushed, when asked what he'd like for tomorrow it took some time to decided since it was never an option that was frequently given.

"Mhhhh I like eggs and vegetable so you can add that but don't worry too much about me"

[pandamonium]

Hotaka chuckled. "We are different people...I prefer historical books, mythology and I also like books where someone overcame obstacles. But I don't read very often. Maybe we could go to a bookstore together."

He suggested. Wanting to spend more time with Kazue, but felt like maybe he was being too pushy.

"Sure! I could make you something with eggs and vegetables. That won't be too hard."

[alexia__]

"Yes I don't mind at all! That would be very fun actually" he adds in before hearing the bell go off. Slightly disappointed at the same time that lunch had seemed so fast

"I should get going now Hotaka I don't like being late often" he gave his new friend an encouraging smile and thanks him againfor the food before heading out. The day from there went smoothly and Kazue even found himself enjoying the next lessons slightly more than usual.

 

He left the second the bell ran, and headed home for a shower and nap. He had been expecting complete solitude but was surprised once the door was opened. There they were in the living room fighting again, the man only took one look at Kazue and continued his argument.

He headed to the kitchen grabbed a few stuff and walked to the stairs, that's when his collar was pulled bringing him back.

"Your mother is a filthy woman right?" he breathed pointing at the woman across the room. His breath smelled of disgusting liquor as talked. Seeing that Kazue had yet to reply angered the older male who shock him violently and asked for the boy's agreement

"Not worse than your disgusting ass" he murmurs and then the blow came to his face.

 

The bathroom mirror reflected a large bruise on Kazue's face. It was cut on one side because his stepfather had been wearing a ring. Now he looked far more dead than ever before.

[pandamonium]

"I'm glad! We should set up a date to go. Whenever you're free."

He began to pack his empty bento into his bag, grabbing it as he waved goodbye to Kazue.

Hotaka was happy he got to spend lunch with Kazue.

 

After class, he slowly packed his things and headed home. He had no problems this day, the walk was nice, even though he wanted to spend more time with Kazue. Though he didn't want to seem like a clingy friend. He didn't want to be a friend that caused him discomfort.

 

He arrived home, walking into his room and dropping his bag on the ground. Collapsing onto his bed, a tad sad that he didn't get to see Kazue one last time before leaving school. He'd been looking for a glimpse of him after school, but no sign of him. He slowly got up and headed into the kitchen to start on dinner.

 

After dinner, he went into his room to begin his homework. Excited to get a chance to see Kazue once again.

[alexia__]

The next morning he woke up sore and exhausted. His jaw hurt and the bruise was now a nasty black almost matching his own feelings. He headed to performing his morning routine although this time he was slow and clumsy.

A large gauze was placed over the cut and bruise to attempt and hide away what was under. He did not grab breakfast and left the house in time.

He got a few states from his class mates as he walked in, but his exhausted look must have shushed them away for no one asked anything. His face hurt, and that was an understatement, and his body was numb. Kazue's chest felt like it was being compressed by a brick wall making his breathing small and uncomfortable. Lunch came in a breeze and soon the bell was ringing.

He stayed in his desk for some time looking at his face on the phone screen "horrible" he murmurs, too hurt to cry, to experienced to care.

[pandamonium]

Hotaka awakened early, preparing the bento for Kazue. He left home a tad late, but he didn't mind, if it meant he got to do his best for Kazue.

He arrived on time, excited to meet up with Kazue.

 

Lunchtime came around. He hurried out the door to look for Kazue. Realization hit when he realized he didn't know Kazue's classroom. He sadly clutched the box. Unsure of what to do. He opted to just go to each of the classes in their grade, feeling a bit nervous. What if Kazue would be uncomfortable with his persistent need to be around him.

[alexia__]

Slowly he rose from his chair and walked towards the door. He exited and began to walk down the hallway towards Hotaka's classroom, it hasn't appeared to him that perhaps he might have to explain the patch and bruise on his face. And hiding was not really an option.

He sighed and cursed his damn life for turning out that ways

'What did u ever do to deserve such a shitty life' he tells himself growing a bit sour.

Some distance away he saw Hotaka standing there, happily he called for him loud enough to not call too much attention.

"Hotaka!" he says and waves.

[pandamonium]

Hotaka turned to the sound of his name being called. He grinned and quickly walked over to Kazue. "Kazue! How ar-"

He stopped in his tracks. The large mark on his face, shocked him. With a shaky hand, he grabbed a hold of Kazue's chin. Gently moving it to get a better look.

"Who did this to you?" He said, his voice shaking slightly.

[alexia__]

His body froze and his smile drops. Kazue felt ashamed, and overwhelmed, specially in front of Hotaka who was so cheerful and alive.

"S-say ....don't worry about it" he puts a fake smile to build himself confidence, his eyes looked to the floor "I promise it's not important"

Kazue's hand wraps around Hotaka's wrist and finally looks at him. "Please" he begged not wanting to break their dreamy state. He was so happy with the other that he feared anything would blow it away, a fragile happiness like himself.

"Pl-" he choked

[pandamonium]

Hotaka frowned, but nodded on agreement. "Alright...I won't bother you with it."

He grabbed Kazue, bringing him in for a hug. He couldn't stand the idea that Kazue had to go through this. He wanted to end the abuse he must be going through, but wasn't sure how. Tears pricked his eyes as Kazue begged him to not bring it up. Like Frida Khalo once said, "I want to be inside your darkest everything."

[alexia__]

"H-hotaka" he says alarmed by the sudden embraced "you d-don't have to do that"

Although Kazue protested the other did not release, and after some time he grew used to it. The hallway was now cleared which reduced the embarrassment from being held by a child.

Hotaka's scent filled Kazue's mind and the warmth was so welcoming he couldn't resist. Tightly he wrapped his arms around Hotaka's waist and remained there "o-okay" he says hugging back now.

[pandamonium]

"I want to be inside your darkest everything." He murmured as he let go, giving Kazue his signature grin. Though there was a hint of sadness now.

"Well...let's go have lunch. You owe me a coffee." He said laughing to himself.

Holding the bento box.

"Maybe we should hang out on the roof. I don't think anyone is there."

[alexia__]

A deep red blush spread through Kazue's face as he heard the other males words.

"Y-yes of course.... Coffee right!" said Kazue releasing Hotaka in embarrassment

'Did I hold on for too long?' He asked himself growing self conscious about placing his arms all over the others large, hard body.

His train of thoughts were broken again as he screamed to himself.

"The roof would be relaxing"

Hotaka had been right, no one was there and it was a nice windy day to be outside. The sun was strong but not enough to bother.

[pandamonium]

After realizing what he said, he silently screamed to himself. He had just said something super weird to Kazue! He snapped out of it and nodded. "Uh. yeah. A coffee if you don't mind. I-I'm really sorry about what I said. I probably freaked you out."

He sat down. Opening the bento and handing it to Kazue. "I wouldn't be surprised if you don't want to hang out with me anymore."

[alexia__]

His head snapped up from looking at the food as he hears Hotaka's words.

"W-what do you mean?" he asks now a bit scared of what the answer would be. His thoughts went wild thinking of how he had made Hotaka uncomfortable of perhaps annoyed at him.

Was it because he didn't say about his face?

Or was he annoying in general?

Kazue's eyes drifted from Hotaka's face to the floor "I d-don't know what would give you that impression" he confesses in a chocked voice "I really like you, you're so nice plus....I owe you.." slightly he bit his bottom lip, now making it fluffy red and humid "I owe you my life...really"

"I would not do that w-we are friends why would it..."

[pandamonium]

Taking a bite, Kazue kept his gaze on his food. "It's cuz...I said something weird. I shouldn't have said it...I probably freaked you out. That's why...uh, never mind."

He took another bite, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. Ruining a chance for friendship.

Snapping at Kazue, he gulped. Did he only see him as someone he owed something to? He didn't want to be owed a thing. He just wanted a friend.

"You don't owe me a thing. Just being my friend is all I ask for. So please...if you're just being my friend cuz you think you owe me...I'd prefer not having any friends."

He finished his food, not bothering to open the coffee.

[alexia__]

A small tear ran down Kazue's eye as he heard Hotaka's words

'So that's it' he told himself. His appetite was gone, and so was his own will. He took one last glance at the other before standing up and heading towards the door that lead to the stairs

Everything seemed so big now that he was alone, and Kazue couldve sworn his chest hurt more than any injury that had even been inflicted on him.

His chest grew heavy and he refused to look up. Kazue did little blinking in fear to cry. And quickly headed to his class grabbed his bag and headed out.

"How pathetic" he tells himself "can't even speak your feelings"