~Speak Silently~ ((Pandamonium and Alexia))

[alexia__]

What Kazue had concluded as 'kiddy play' was going on and on with Hotaka and himself.

The sudden heartbeats and spurts of happiness were far too obvious and it didn't take a genius to know what it was.

Kazue's head was on his table as he contemplated on his feelings and agitations. They had been friends for some time already and it felt almost wrong to do this.

'Am I gay?' He asks himself 'no way!... So... Am I for Hotaka' it was ridiculous to think that but it was obvious he was in love with Hotaka.

[pandamonium]

The class felt a lot longer than usual. Hotaka wanted to see Kazue so badly.

Kazue...I can't wait to see you again.

A large grin making his way to his lips at the thought of seeing Kazue again. His friend. He didn't find it strange how badly he wanted to see him, thinking it normal when one had friends.

[alexia__]

It was during lunch that a wave of feelings over took Kazue. Already he was doubting himself and even coming to conclusions about his feelings toward Hotaka. Not to mention the additional rejections he had played out.

To Kazue it seemed Hotaka was friendly and loving, but what if he had confused everything and there was no romantic feelings.

"S-say Hotaka have you ever been attracted to someone?" He asks his head down looking at the small juice carton in his hands.

His attraction for the other was immense, not only for saving his life but there was the faint hope that only Hotaka could give him. The hope to smile, feel, and live it was so beautiful it was scary.

"How is it like?"

[pandamonium]

Hotaka swallowed his food with some difficulty. Taken by surprise from Kazue's question. He cleared his throat and blushed.

"Um...actually I've only ever had a crush on one person and it was towards this boy in my class during middle school. But we went to separate schools. So I no longer have a crush on him...So yeah...I've been attracted to someone. Have you?"

He didn't understand why his heart was racing. Could hee be attracted to Kazue? He'd never considered it until now.

[alexia__]

"A boy..." He stated before giving a nod of agreement "I believe I have also perhaps, b-but I'm confused"

His own voice was shaky making it hard to concentrate on his own thoughts without appearing to be nervous.

"I-it's just that I don't want them to get the wrong idea, but when I see them they mean the world to me and embracing them is all I think about it"

His eyes dragged down to his hands who were tightly tangled with each other "I want to confess but I'll feel rejected and my life is very difficult, much too dark for someone of their level who's so happy"

A sigh left Kazue's lips before he bit the bottom one . Slightly he lifted his face and more his eyes bravely to look into Hotaka's

"S-say what happens after you confess?" his cheeks became close due to the obvious closeness of their bodies, their shoulders slightly brushing by each other. Kazue's face was a lovely shade of pink that followed by his red lips that he had just been fidgeting with.

[pandamonium]

Hotaka smiled. "It's normal to be confused. I was confused and scared at the thought that I might be attracted to the same sex, but I gradually accepted it and now I'm not so nervous or afraid of who I'm attracted to."

He felt a slight tinge of pain in his chest at the thought of someone making Kazue feel like that. But since Kazue was happy, he could be happy for him.

"I'm happy that you've found someone who makes you feel that way and you should confess to him! But make sure he's not someone who would hurt you. I don't want you to be hurt."

He frowned. He didn't know much about Kazue other then the fact that he nearly committed suicide for some reason that he hasn't told him and he hasn't tried to find out. Though he regrets not asking him that day.

"How do you know that the guy isn't willing to listen to you and provide support? He probably cares about you."

Blushing, he looked away. He never tried to confess to someone, so he wasn't sure how it felt.

"I-I honestly don't know. Ice never confessed to someone, let alone date them. Just give it a try. I'll even be there when you confess to provide support!"

He grinned, wrapping his arm around Kazue's shoulder.

[alexia__]

The beating of his heart increased as these words were said. There was a warm fuzzy feeling behind them, yet also something else. Kazue didn't realize this other tone, but he listened and became aware of how Hotaka had said 'he' which allowed for a clue that Kazue was not looking at a girl.

It made him flush more, so much that the tip of his ears were dangerously colored.

"I-I never said it was a guy!" He says in embarrassment but not enough to hide the truth, he knew the other could read him easily.

It felt comfortable to see Hotaka's encouragement, but a dead stop came to his heart as the others hand wrapped around his shoulder. The embrace was welcoming and he could smell Hotaka's cologne.

Slight tears filled his eyes from all the mix of emotions.

"I don't believe that's possible" he says now leaning into the others embrace "I don't believe you'll meet them"

Kazue smiled under his breath.

His small hand is placed on Hotaka's chest, it looked childish to close to the other who's figured was highly accented.

His body shifted completely "I'll confess now" he says looking into Hotaka's lips as he leaned in.

[pandamonium]

Trying not to laugh at Kazue's embarrassment, Hotaka grinned even wider. "Well...you kept using then instead of she or he. Plus you said you were confused. That kinda gave me a clue."

Hotaka snapped from his rambling and frowned. "Why do you think I won't meet them? You don't want me to meet them?"

He was taken by surprised when he felt a hand on his chest. His chest began to beat wildly as Kazue leaned forward. Finally understanding what Kazue meant.

[alexia__]

His lips slowly meet the others. He could tell Hotaka was surprised at the kiss but Kazue found so much there he refused to stop.

His own hand now circled Hotaka's neck, his fingers digging into the dark hair that always caught his attention. The locks were soft and added an extra excitement to the whole situation. Kazue deepened the kiss for a second longer before breaking away, wondering what Hotaka was thinking of him now.

[pandamonium]

When their lips touched, Hotaka's mind went blank. All he could do was sit there and have Kazue have his way with him. As the kiss intensified, He snapped to and began to follow Kazue's movements. Wrapping his arms around the smaller waist, he pulled him closer. Breathing becoming difficult, but he couldn't pull away.

[alexia__]

It surprised Kazue when Hotaka kissed back. He was about ready to give up when his own lips returned to Hotaka's mouth. His mind ran wild as he felt all sorts of feelings come alive. Both of his hands circles the boys neck, pushing his own body closer to Hotaka's .

Every factor felt so alive, their touch, the air around them, the heat of their skins. And specially their lips.

He kissed back, desperately, as if Hotaka was oxygen.

[pandamonium]

Hotaka felt his heart beat wildly at the desperate kiss. No one has ever done this to him. Unfortunately, he needed to pull away for air. Blushing a bright red, he looked away. Panting softly, he returned his gaze at Kazue.

"I-I didn't know you felt that way about me...I didn't know."

He grinned and hugged Kazue close to him.

[alexia__]

He closed his eyes in embarrassment feeling Hotaka embrace him.

"I-Didnt know how to say it" he says back softly. Kazue's heart was a drum against his chest jumping around from happiness, sadness and everything in the spectrum. Yet, this embrace, now, he wished to keep it for ever.

"H-how should I take this?" he asks burrying his face into Hotaka's neck.

[pandamonium]

Giving a soft hum, he turned his attention to the sky. "Well...I think you're sweet and I'd like to know you better. So it's up to you. I won't force you."

He returned his attention back to Kazue, a large grin on his lips. The bell rang and he sighed.

"Darn. Well...would you like to come over today?"

He scratched his neck nervously as he looked away.

[alexia__]

He hadn't meant to, but the thought simply made its way into his own head and remained there as blush continuously furnished his face

"yes" was Kazue's reply.

 

The lesson after lunch as dreaded and terribly slow. It was almost as a passing time for the teen to gather his thoughts and fluttering emotions. He glimpsed at the clock ahead twice, too many, before sighing and giving up to finally pay attention. His hand carelessly wrote things down, things that would become a blur once he left the closure walls of the class room.

'I can't wait' he told himself 'what will happen. Will he say anything? will we...kiss again?' anxiously he smiled to himself like an idiot.

 

"Kazue! care to answer this for us" this was his call as he was brought back.

 

The crowded halls looked far too good to Kazue, for once. It was like seeing a new school, or perspective of things and he payed with a tile on the floor while waiting outside Hotaka's classroom.

[pandamonium]

Taking a hold of his bag's strap, he threw it over his shoulder. "Great! Can't wait! I'll see you later."

He nearly felt like skipping towards his next class, but controlled himself. He didn't know why he was excited. Maybe some feelings had awaken after that breathtaking kiss. It didn't matter, he was going to have company!

 

For the remainder of the school day, Hotaka thought of what to make for dinner and what they'd do once they arrived home. Maybe play some games? Perhaps hang around the kitchen while he cooked? Or even hold hands while watching a television program! The possibilities were endless.

 

Once the bell announced the end of the day, he hurriedly clasp his bag and ran out the room. Not stopping until he reached the front gate. Excitedly awaiting to see Kazue again.

[alexia__]

Time was endless for Kazue, he refused to even acknowledge it. He would go to Hotaka's home and enjoy every last second of this precious time. His gaze followed a nearby couple as they met, slightly kissed and walked away hand in hand. His lips slightly parted as he remembered his daring attitude a few hours ago. Younger Kazue would never see himself doing such a thing, but it had felt so real, so good that no way he would regret it now.

A smile formed on his lips, and he wondered when it would happen again.

'What if Hotaka initiated it' he asked himself, blushing madly, a small bulge forming in his pants. Alarmed he switched his thoughts and called himself perverted a thousand times.

 

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so sorry for not being active, let me know if you want to continue here. I went ahead and replied.

[pandamonium]

Hotaka reached the entrance. His shoes slipped on sloppily and his breathing a bit ragged.

"I didn't make you wait too long...did I?"

Adjusted his shoes quickly and straightened up. Noticing a couple walking in his peripheral. Turning slightly, he smiled.

"We should get going."

He held out his hand for Kazue.

 

@

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sorry for replying so late, between life and my phone not working...I'm really sorry.

[alexia__]

"Not at all" replies Katsu in a dreamlike state. Was it weird to see someone and have so much passion. A soft feeling built up inside his own stomach as he grabbed the others hand, it intensified the more they walked and it jumped around each time their shoulders touched.

Some would say those were the butterflies in his stomach but it felt more like an angry mob trying to over take his body. His heart did not stop beating and he could not remember the last time he was this happy.

 

"You live pretty close to the school right?" He questions trying to distract himself

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don't worry! I'm glad you're back x)

[pandamonium]

The walk home was like floating. Katsu's hand was soft and warm against his. He couldn't suppress the large grin on his lips.

 

Taken out of his daydream-like state, he hummed. "I guess. I never really noticed." He chuckled. "I'm usually daydreaming on my way to school, so I guess that's why I always get here sooner than I thought."

They reached a small, well-kept house.

"This is my home."