16+ lust

[Kohaku tsubasa]

lust

 

the moon light made the young males platinum blond hair seem almost like it was glowing.he was standing on a cliff that below held a tiny city which the boy felt he did not belong there.he lived in the woods.the humans below said that the horrible creatures that trick you or worse kill you and use your body as a puppet.

then a snap sound happened behind the young male.he turned around to see a person that that looked to be a bit older then him."who are you"the young male asked?"lust"the older male said.lust had a real problem telling his victim his real name."i am kohaku tsubasa"the young male said."kohaku huh"lust said licking his lips.just then yawned reveling his fangs."you're not a human"lust said shocked."no i am neko"kohaku said as his tail popped out."yum"lust thought licking his lips again."you hungry lust"kohaku asked?"yeah for you..."lust almost gave his plan away.so he quickly covered his mouth."what is wrong"kohaku asked?"nothing,do you not know there are bad things in these woods"lust said uncovering his mouth.

lust walked into the moon light.he had dark blond hair and glowing red eyes."lust are you one of the bad things in the woods"kohaku asked?lust stopped walking up on him and actually thought about it for a second.kohaku stood right there waiting for the answer."yes i am"lust said.kohaku felt something on the side of my neck as he fell asleep.

he woke up tied to a bed.lust was a crossed the room hands folded in front of him."i can not do this"lust said looking up at kohaku."then let me go lust"kohaku demanded."fine"lust said cutting the rope off.luckily kohaku was not bleeding.he got up jumping back away from him.lust just stood there." did i hurt you"lust asked looking down."yeah i have a bite mark"kohaku said.lust held out his arm."if you suck my blood it will go away"lust said looking at him sadly."no"kohaku said pushing his arm away."where then"lust asked?

kohaku ran over to him looking like he only used one foot.biting the side of lusts neck."now"kohaku said."sorry i will never hurt you again"lust said."lets wrap that up"kohaku said."no its fine"lust said as it started to heal."i am sorry i never bite anyone"kohaku said sulky.lust could see that kohaku was always in pain his eyes screamed help me."i see from now on i will protect you kohaku"lust said in a determined voice."ok call me haku,lust"kohaku said smiling.

continued.....>

 

"now what do we do now"lust asked?"you can do whatever you want,i am going adventuring"kohaku said walking into the deep part of the woods."i will come with you and protect you"lust said running up to kohaku."ok if you want you you"kohaku said as he started walking again."you wanted to wander in the woods alone"lust asked?"yes i have no idea no idea what is in the deep part of the woods"kohaku said

A loud painful scream could be heard.i run over to investigate.a very young male was burning in the sun.steam rolls off his body as his screams get louder.i take off my shit covering him."lets take him to my place"lust said.we walk back to lust's house putting him on the bed."he needs blood to heal his wounds"kohaku said concerned putting out his arm.

The burned young vampire seem uninterested in biting me.but he keep looking at lust."can i finish my blood pact with him master" the boy asked jumping behind lust in a flash."wait what"lust said as he bites his neck."i said you could bite me"kohaku said a bit angry.once he was healed he let go of lust's neck."i could not hurt you master"the young boy said as a bright fire red light shined out of him.suddenly he looked about twelve years old with long dark grey and bigger fangs the light faded away.he jumps on me."master"the boy said happily.kohaku realizes he was still naked."please get off"kohaku asked kindly?

the boy started growling at lust like it was his fault.

[Kohaku tsubasa]

i would like to thank my friends for the names and ideas and just being my friends.

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[nyami]

Good but it seems rushed. You have actions but do not display their emotions or even consider atleast revealing their inner thoughts which adds to the story. When added i should be roughly 2-4 pages this tid bit. Describe the setting and personally i would add slightly more detail to to the characters descriptions. But do not so much description that is wordy and boring. Think about how a typical human (that if you are typical sense u are using your name) would do in that situation from a real life stand point. I am not trying to be overly critical on you but you have the foundation set.

 

Also sense it seems you are doing this room a third person perspective (not good with the hole 1st 2nd and 3rd perspective) read the book thief by markus zusak An see how he implements it

[Kohaku tsubasa]

thanks for the insight

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please read part two.

 

 

 

 

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ftheshadow.

[Kohaku tsubasa]

continued...>

part 2-lust

the boy started growling at lust like it was his fault.lunging at him with claws fully erect kohaku grabbed him."don't lust wont hurt you"kohaku said.he gets out of grasp running over to lust looking like he was going to gut his victim.kohaku stepped in the way four claws entered his stomach blood came out his mouth.the boys eyes widened he pulled them out."ahhhh"the boy screamed as kohaku fell to the ground blood pouring out the wound."i am just glad lust is safe"kohaku thought laying on the ground."haku"lust said in concern.the bright light of red of fire turned light green as chains of a bond fell off.then he was set on the ground siting hair all around him."oh no i killed him"the boy thought.kohaku hears a name come from one of the light green orb of magic."kiyoshi"it said.kiyoshi opened his light green eyes and walked over to kohaku."no go away you killed him"lust screamed."he can hear my name"kiyoshi said as he knelt down beside kohaku."why does that matter"lust yelled."i can save him just let me"kiyoshi said."he can not save haku he is to gone"lust thought but backed off any ways.kiyoshi moved his long hair biting kohaku's neck the orbs touched his wound healing it up."i gave not took"kiyoshi said sticking out his tongue."you gave him some of your blood"lust said shocked."yeah and what if i did"kiyoshi said as kohaku sat up hand on his neck."sorry does it hurt"kiyoshi said in concern."why did you move in the way haku"lust asked as he put kohaku in his lap."he needs to rest now"kiyoshi said.

everything went black again but this time he woke up to a vampire boy laying on his chest."umm kiyoshi can you get off me"kohaku asked?"yes i can haku"kiyoshi said jumping down.kohaku got off the bed as well lust was a sleep in the corner.

"lust wake up"kohaku said.lust wakes up looking at both of them."is it daylight"kiyoshi asked?kohaku looked outside there was no sun."nope"lust said."we have to make a stop before we start adventuring"kohaku said."you mean again"lust said."whatever"kiyoshi said.kohaku could tell tensions were rising kiyoshi was a small(he is half our size) bratty vampire and lust was a tall slender incubus.

they went into town kohaku had to put his tail and ears away."ok we have come to buy some supplies so you two behave"kohaku said."i will behave haku"kiyoshi said smugly."no promises"lust said truthfully.they first bought new clothes for everyone then kohaku bought a bag,food,bandages,water,and a sword."we are done"kohaku said as a loud whine was heard."another creature is being hurt"kohaku thought."no haku"lust said."you two stay here"kohaku said running over to investigate.

they stayed put,kohaku sees a white fox trapped in a cage."help me"a voice said in side kohaku's head.he could see that the fox could change into kitsune."hey let him go"kohaku said."what this we are going to make a coat out of this rare white fox"the man said."if he is rare then let him go"kohaku said as the fox looked scared."i don't want to be a fur coat" the fox thought."the truth is i am black marketing his fur"the man said as i pull out my sword."let him go i am going to ask one more time"kohaku screamed."whoa i wont let him go"the man said."kitsune move i am about to break the cage"kohaku said in the foxes head.he tried to move to the other side of the cage as i broke it open with my sword."thanks"the fox said in kohaku's."a cute foxie"kiyoshi said picking the fox up."he told us to stay put"lust said."lets go"kohaku said walking toward the woods."can we take foxie"kiyoshi asked?"ask him"kohaku said walking on."can i just call you ki"lust asked?"yes do you want to go with us"kiyoshi asked?he changed into a boy with white hair,fox ears and tail."if you will take me"the fox said hugging kohaku's back."ok then i have a incubus,vampire,fox and i am a neko"kohaku said.