Try for Change (Coffee-Tastic and grizzly) [18+]

[Coffee-Tastic]

Kou only had a quarter of his plate left, but once Hiroto was in his room, the lack of human presence for once bothered him. Dad was gone, that was already a fact, but he wasn't even able to make the plate of food that was supposed to be for him. Having it beside him made him feel better. That might be the only thing related to his dad that gave him comfort in some form. And looking to the closed door of his brother's room, he silently hoped that Hiro wouldn't distance himself away from him. Kou never thought he'd think something like that, but he's really enjoyed having him around. Enjoying it might be an overstatement though. Kou was... slightly more content than he would if he were alone. That's better. With that in mind, he pushed his unfinished plate to the other chair as well as the cup of water he had. If their father was somehow going to come back home tonight, he might be hungry.

 

He took his brothers plate to the sink and it was only when he turned on the water when he recalled the fact that he couldn't get his hand wet. The bandage was still on it and he wouldn't want it to get soggy, he didn't want his wound opening again either. So that's why he wanted to help me... Kou didn't like leaving the kitchen alone without it being clean, but he couldn't do anything here. At least he still had his own work to do, that would distract him from leaving it the way it was. From other things too hopefully.

 

In his bed with his textbook and notebook, he continued where he left off. It sure did what he thought it would do. Eliminate bad thoughts. It replaced them with something else. When he was in the corner, someone might feel smaller or less dominate. Only a guy like Kou wouldn't feel that, not when Hiro's face was such a deep red color. Even the look on his face said that he had really embarrassed and ready to die. He always liked seeing his brother in distress, it ruined the bad boy front he put on, and that didn't change. Not even in a situation like that. Kou chuckled as he kept going with his work... Even with the better thoughts in his head, which were numbers and Hiro's embarrassment, the strain from before caught up to him. He had his textbook laid over his lap and his pencil was still in his hand, but his head fell to the side and he was asleep. It wasn't even his bedtime yet.

[grizzly]

Memorizing the periodic able wasn't too bad for Hiroto. In fact, he was already confident in naming them all of on the top of his head. So when he reached something as incomprehensible as the mole concept, he wanted desperately to learn it on his own. But in the end, his incompatibility with math and the distracting thoughts in his head made it impossible. He was too busy on thinking of Kou and how much of a dumbass he was to him the entire day. Looking at his phone, not much time had passed since he left the dining room. He already heard Kou enter his own room not too long as well, so he thought for a moment of going to him for help. And risk getting into another awkward scenario? Hiroto frowned and leaned back into his chair, crossing his arms over his chest as he assessed the situation.

 

He did recall Kou mentioning not to avoid him, but how could he not? There was something seriously wrong with him, and he didn't want to involve Kou and risk destroying everything he built up so far. Sure, he just started on mending his relationship with Kou as well as fixing his grades, but he was too invested to give it all up over some unnecessary baggage. But in the end, he couldn't refuse one of Kou's simplest requests.

 

The hallway was dark when he left his room. He was careful to open and close his door, making sure it wouldn't make a creak when he walked towards the end of the hallway and to his brother's room. He noticed that there were no sounds coming from behind the door, but he still saw a faint light coming from under the crack of the door. The lack of sound confused him and he was careful to open the door to peek in, seeing his brother slumped over in his bed.

 

Curiosity took the best of him and he tip-toed over to his brother, taking in the sight of him sleeping peacefully. He stopped at the end of the bed, kneeling down to take a closer look at his brother, as though he was an anomaly of some sort. He felt that at any moment he would open his eyes and thwack him over the head with the textbook for invading his space. But he remained still, and he watched how his chest rose and fell at a calming rate. His green eyes then moved to his brother's face and he held his breath. He felt a sense of deja vu, as though he was reliving his dreams and so his mind went blank. Without a rational thought, he subconsciously leaned in until his own lips were just barely touching Kou's.

[Coffee-Tastic]

Kou's sleep was standard, not being a heavy sleeper, nor a light one. He rarely had dreams that he could remember and he'd usually wake up around the same time of day, even without an alarm to force him up. Hiroto coming in didn't wake him up whatsoever, his lack of response being the clear proof of that, but with him coming so close to him, that triggered his short time sleeping to end. Kou's eyes barely opened, seeing a person right above him that took him a second to recognize to be his brother. Even with seeing him though, he closed his eyes again, not reacting in the way one should while seeing a close relative about to kiss him. Kou could still be labeled as being sleep because he thought he was simply just dreaming.

 

If he recalled the strange encounter he had with his brother's erection, he'd realize that this wasn't a dream, but an advancement of Hiro's strange behavior. In his head, it was just a weird dream, because why on earth would his brother be doing this. Kou's hand raised up from the book lazily, reaching up and laying on on Hiro's shoulder as he turned his head away, mumbling, "If you're done with your work for today, do the dishes...." His head moved to the side again, "I can't do them, my finger has the cut and It can't get...." The older brother's hand slipped off the other's shoulder and his sentence ran in a voice that was too mumbled and low to interpret. Possibly Hiro came here to get praise for doing his work? Kou barely had it in him to tell him good job, he wasn't going to do more. He could do the dishes and then go to bed. He breathed out and became understandable again, "Then goodnight, Hiro..."

[grizzly]

He didn't recall a moment in life where he felt as much fear as he did the moment he felt Kou place his hand on his shoulder. He froze up and his eyes darted over to see a dazed Kou still asleep. Of all the things to bring up, of course Kou would mention the dishes. He hoped Kou wouldn't remember this the next day and just slipped away, making sure he didn't trip on anything on the way out. He really needed to distance himself from Kou now that he was acting against his own will it seemed. He wasn't even sure why he came to Kou's room in the first place now that his head was just a mess. The only thing running through it was to do the damn dishes and head to bed as his brother told him to do.

 

He was spacing out while the warm water ran over his hands. The dishes were easy to clean off since he didn't leave them for too long, but every once in a while he would catch himself about to drop a dish. He had to go find someone else to tutor him, and he had a list of people to ask (coerce) into tutoring him. Bullying wasn't something he believed in, but who said he was going to bully that one scrawny nerd in his class? He had a plan on just asking and becoming friends maybe with someone in class, but if that didn't work out...

 

When he had placed the final dish onto the drying rack, he dried his hands on a nearby towel and finished up on cleaning the counter tops in the kitchen. When that was done, he returned to his room, ignoring the textbook that was still open on his desk and he flopped onto his bed face first, his groans being muffled by his pillows. Every time his thoughts even shifted slightly to Kou, he felt immediate shame and it showed up as a sour grimace on his face. There would be no point in going to bed then since all he would do is stay up thinking about how badly he screwed up. So he watched some videos on his phone before passing out.

[Coffee-Tastic]

Kou continued to sleep, never waking up in realization of anything. Going to bed early, it only resulted in him waking up even earlier in the morning, not even Hiroto was awake yet. His last memory was going to bed soon after letting his brother go to his room without mentioning the rock against him in the kitchen, and even that was something his kind was avoiding while going through his morning routine... But while brushing his teeth, something new came upon him that made him choke on toothpaste foam and water.

 

A faint hotness across his lips is what he felt followed by the tingling sensation of... Anticipation? For....? Kou washed out his mouth, gulping when it was cleared of minty paste. There had been someone there. Dark hair and glazey eyes... Hiro. Hiro above him, giving him a kiss. He just dreamed of Hiroto giving him a kiss goodnight. Oh my god. Dreaming of something like that was unheard of and looking at himself in the mirror, he knew he couldn't believe it himself, but if it wasn't true, why did it feel so real to him?

 

But that shouldn't be the part he worried about compared to the fact that he didn't feel like it was disgusting. When he was younger, he always begged their mother or father for a kiss goodnight and never received one, now in his dream Hiro was the one doing that for him. On the lips, that made it a lot different than a kiss on the head or something chaste like his cheek, yet still. He didn't think of it badly. In fact, he sort of wished he could remember how his lips actually felt out of curiosity.

 

"What is wrong with me?!" He hissed at himself and frantically slapped off his face with freezing cold water. Kou bed that not even Hiroto was thinking of something like this. Sure he got excited, but he probably had an explanation for that. Kou didn't.

 

He took a shower and got dressed before dawn even waked, his expression baffled and trying to grasp his dream. It made no sense. He never thought of wanting a kiss from him. AT ALL. Here he was, dreaming of it after feeling his... Kou covered his face while eating his cereal, overcome with things he couldn't even name, "Somethings wrong with me..."

 

There goes his perfect health. What a turn.

[grizzly]

Loud sirens emitted from his phone, eliciting a groan from Hiroto as he buried his face underneath his pillow and used his hand aimlessy to search for his phone on his nightstand. Eventually he found it and turned it off, but it didn't help how cranky he was already. He spent the whole night tossing and turning in bed with nothing but that damn incident that went on in Kou's room. Ugh,. He buried his head further into the pillows, wondering if he could just sneak in a few more minutes. It wasn't until he heard the footsteps in the hallway and the faint sound of water running that he knew Kou was up. The thought alone jolted him awake and he rushed to put on that pair of pants lying on the floor.

 

He needed to either hurry up and leave before Kou or leave right after he does. But, with how much Kou liked to be punctual, he knew making it to school late was not an option. "Shit!" He tried to furiously zip up his pants for a minute before he gave up and moved onto another pair hiding in his closet. By the time Kou was done brushing his teeth, Hiroto was finally dressed. He didn't style his hair and went on over to the bathroom where he brushed his teeth and washed his face, ignoring the dark circles that were now circumscribing his eyes.

 

Even when he brushed his teeth, he was still thinking of the way those soft lips felt against his. It wanted to make him bang his head against the wall, but that wouldn't get him anywhere. He was never going to be safe from his awful thoughts, so the only thing he could really do was hope he could run away from them. He could never explain his actions to his brother, unless he had a deathwish. At this point, death sounded better than agonizing over this-this... He had no idea what was wrong with him. All he knew was that whenever he's near Kou, he had to restrain himself, otherwise events like what happened in the kitchen would happen again.

[Coffee-Tastic]

Hiroto would avoid him for what happened yesterday, even though Kou told him not to or else it would affect their studies, would he do the same thing? He didn't think so. Kou thought of himself as more mature than his brother, more mature and more sensible. He could keep the dream to himself easily! Easily... He hoped. As long as nothing strange between the, happened again, he didn't think a dream like that would happen again. After all, dreams like that didn't come out of the blue. It was Hiro's fault for being weird. Kou didn't blame him for what happened, but he sure as hell can blame him for something intimate happening in his dream.

 

Kou continued to eat his breakfast, checking the time after slipping his hand off his face. He heard his younger brother going into the washroom, making him start to put up a more normal front to mask his internal struggle. He didn't want things to change before, a dream wasn't going to make him change his mind about that easily. Taking a deep breath, he stood up and took his finished bowl to the sink to wash. Thankfully the cut he had healed fast, he took a bath without having to worry about it and he'd wash this without worrying about it either... Oh, and the dishes were already done.

 

He didn't remember telling Hiro he had to do them, Kou would have done them himself. There was no need to complain about it, so the brunet didn't. He kept to himself while the water ran in the sink and when he heard Hiroto finally coming out of being out of sight, he said out so he'd hear, "It's nice to see you taking initiative around the house for once by yourself. Thank you for finishing the dishes, Hiroto."

[grizzly]

Hiroto closed his eyes and sighed, trying to put up that calm front before walking out into the kitchen. Breakfast was out as usual, but that third plate wasn't out anymore, making him feel somewhat glum. Looking out the window, he noticed the parking lot was still empty. He nearly forgot about having a father, but with everything going on with his brother, he couldn't really help it. When he saw Kou, he froze up for a split second before he resumed walking over to the table. He could see Kou was trying to forget about yesterday, and he hoped last night was a distant memory for the both of them. Just the mere mention of the dishes made his stomach do a flip.

 

"Oh yeah, I just wanted to help out since I never realized how much you work just to keep the house in the condition its in." He looked to the door and then to the clock to distract his eyes before he decided that the butterflies in his stomach made it impossible to eat. "I'm not feeling too good, so I'll skip out on breakfast. I need to make it to class early to turn in my late work. Also, I might be staying a bit late after class too." He adjusted the bag slung over his shoulder and moved over to the door to open it, giving one last look to his brother. "So you don't have to worry about walking home with me either."

 

The walk back to school was agonizingly slow. His stomach was doing flips and without eating only added on to his nausea. He stopped by a convenience store on the way to drink a cider before he finally reached the school's gates. By then he was already scoping out his classmates, rating each one on how useful they could be to him. It wasn't until he saw that one kid that didn't seem to reach puberty yet, but was still at the top of his class that he walked over.

 

"Fujihiro, right?" He asked almost too ominously to the boy.

[Coffee-Tastic]

So he was leaving early again huh? That wasn't too surprising. Actually, it was probably better for the both of them for some slight space away from each other. A little at least, because they still had a lot of work to do with bringing Hiro out of his rut regarding school. Kou put the clean cereal bowl away, using the silence as a que to continue his school routine. Soon he was out the door and on his way.

 

The older brother did his best to keep the kiss dream in the back of his head and not in a place where it would distract him from class, which turned out to be easy because today was one of those days...

 

"Kou-san, you're not doing anything after school are you?" The class president came up to him in between classes, to him, it was obvious that she looked a little flustered in asking him either because she might have liked him or because she was scared to ask him because he always told people no in the rudest ways possible, and she stood trying to look as defenseless as possible. Putting her hands behind her back, a bow in her hair and her eyes looking at him like a toy poodle, as if to get him to exclude her from the same brutality he gave other people. "I need help with studying for history class. The lessons are getting really rough for me and you have a high mark in it. I thought I should just ask..."

 

Kou looked at her and sighed, clearly annoyed, "I am not doing anything after school," he lied, just to have something mean to tell her so she'd not ask for him ever again, "Despite that, I just really don't want to be around you and waste time I could be doing for something more interesting to me." He turned away to go off to English class, but she followed.

 

"H-How about if we just hang out then?" She frowned, sticking close to him, "Kou-san , you've never let anyone hang out with you, please just-"

 

"I've never done anything with anyone, so take a wild guess on what my answer is for you."

 

She wasn't trying to be annoying, but she was aware Kou might think that differently. He was probably the smartest student in school hands down, she was also fond of the idea of him on the student counsel board for the school, which she ran, being the president and all... But the thing was that Kou was also probably the most antisocial student of the whole school hands down. It was sad. She wasn't looking down on him in any way and she greatly respected his intelligence, but it was genuinely sad because of one thought about it, could someone that hateful of other people live correctly in the real world on their own?

 

"Kou, please. Can we at least just... I don't know. Get something to eat after school? I'll pay for everything too, it won't be a problem. I just really think you should spend time with other people. It's good for you."

 

The brunet kept walking, hoping to out walk her, but she kept following and anyways... He just wanted her to shut up already. Of course she'd think it was good for him to hang out with minuscule people that won't ever mean anything to him. She just wanted to be his friend to ride along with his future success. "Sure it is," what will do him good is a full grant to any college of his choosing, which he'll get from getting high marks on the final exams at the end of the year, "Stop bothering me, I'm done listening to you ramble on about useless things," he snapped at her, "Find a boyfriend to get a snack with you, miss president, or anyone else who is willing to waste their time with you. Bye." He kept going, but slowly the the small girl stopped trying to keep up.

 

She sighed and watched him go off. The way she saw it, Kou could be as smart as a super computer, but if he continues on like that... She could only imagine him living in a house deep in the woods with absolutely nobody there. Alone. Kou would probably like that, wouldn't he? She shook her head and went off to her own class now.

 

Kou quickly blocked out what the girl told him, even scoffing with a grin as he sat down in his next class.

 

For the rest of the day, he could think about class and work and writing... Nothing else. The only time he thought about Hiro again was after school, he was going back home alone today. There was no problem in that because he already walked home by himself. It was more common he was alone than having his brother there with him. It was fine. Everything was fine until he got close to home and saw a car in the driveway turning on.

 

He stopped in the initial shock, because no, that wasn't their dad's car, it was nicer looking than it. The vehicle pulled out of the driveway, which was when he moved faster, running to see who it was before it drove off. It was already driving off, but he got a glimpse at who was in the drivers seat. It was a woman with wavy red hair. "Wh... Huh?" His voice was actually more similar to a heartbroken child here. After running, he stopped, panting while watching the car drive away and make a turn, becoming out of sight.

 

Kou took out ye keys to the house from his pocket and ran to the door, opening it and coming in, seeing nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing out of place. It was quiet as solitary confinement here, but somehow he was able to hear his heart beat and feel it in his throat along with a lump of nervousness. Dropping his bag on the sofa, he looked around for anything and did. In the kitchen was a sealed envelope and in big letters was "EXPENSES" in their dads handwriting.

 

Kou felt cold and as if the letter became a freezing block of ice, he dropped it out of his hands and pulled his hand back. Expenses? Why did his dad have this delivered by some strange woman with fiery red hair and a nice car? "What the fuck?!" He grabbed he letter again and tore it open, money spilling out over the counter and the floor, "When are you coming back?!" The amount of money he saw freaked him out. Here were a few twentys he saw, but most of it was in 50s. This money basically meant: Pay the bills yourself and stuff, I can't do it myself anymore.

 

If that was true, he didn't want a single one of these bills. He wanted him back. Would burning all this money get him to come back and do these things himself? No. He still wanted to burn this all, it was a strange desire he had and he really wanted to do it. Instead of screwing himself and Hiroto over by doing that, he gathered up all the money and the envelope, then took it to his room. He dumped all the money into one of his desk drawers and looked at the envelope one more time to see if he missed something. No note at all. No anything. Just the money.

 

"You're too cruel..." He said, crumpling the envelope and throwing it out in the trash. Kou was glad Hiroto didn't come with him. Who knows what he would have done... He'd keep this to himself since He could do all of this on his own just fine. Hiro would just cause trouble, or break something... He didn't want to do that to him. Sighing and covering his face on his bed, he was silent, burning with hatred and drowning under his skin. All that in him, he fell asleep quickly, mentally exhausted. And anyways, it was good to take some rest now to reboot himself, he still had to help his little brother when he came back.

[grizzly]

It was almost too pitiful. The poor boy was already stammering underneath the towering shadow of Hiroto. Fujihiro was the top of his class, and while he was admirable in that sense, he was too puny for anybody to ever take him seriously. He had the typical bowl haircut and bottle bottoms spectacles. "Y-yes, I'm Fujihiro. H-Hiroto was it?" He asked, backing up into the wall. It wasn't his intention to scare the boy, but it was best to use it to his advantage, right?

 

"You're right." He looked around to see if anyone was watching, but nobody really bothered to turn their heads in their direction. "You have the best scores in the class for both science and math. I need help since I'm trying to catch up. So will you tutor me?" He felt dumb now that the words were flowing out of his mouth. Admitting his need for help to someone other than Kou was humiliating, but it can't compare to what would happen if he stuck around Kou again. He shook his head to rid himself of such thoughts, but Fujihiro was still being backed up against the wall.

 

"S-sure. Science and math? I can do that." Fujihiro moved to push his spectacles up the bridge of his nose and relaxed. Hiroto nodded with a smile, thankful that he wouldn't need to rely on Kou anymore. "If that's the case, then I'll see about heading to your place this weekend since I'm busy this week." It was right after those words escaped his lips that he finally saw the panic fill those beady eyes behind those glasses.

 

Later on in the day he had discovered where Fujihiro lived. He lived in a small apartment with just his father a couple blocks from where he lived. It worked out just great for Hiroto and he was ready to head home and relax knowing that there wouldn't be any more awkward moments between him and Kou. On his walk back home he saw a car expensive enough to catch his eye. A girl with red hair passed and he was starstruck for a moment before he realized it was coming from where his house was. Curious, he picked up his pace and entered the house. Looking at the entrance of the house, he didn't see father's shoes still, but he saw Kou's, meaning he was home. The house was still in the same condition, but what was that lady doing in his neighborhood?

 

Hiroto moved down to Kou's room and paused. Knock on the door and risk seeing his face again? Or be a coward and talk to him through the door? He already thought he had the restraint to keep to himself that one night. He just couldn't gamble it all with just one lousy knock. So he called out to his brother. "Hey Kou! I have a new tutor, so you'll probably won't see me around the house as much. I'll be in my room if you need me."

[Coffee-Tastic]

Since he had just fallen asleep, he was sluggish in waking up enough to reply to the voice. He didn't feel like he was out long at all, looking at the time, he had probably been napping for less than 20 minutes. At least just that amount of time was enough, he felt more relaxed and in control of himself. Kou couldn't believe how he handled the situation. His father had the decency to give them the money to live here, Kou was just being stupid in wishing he was here instead. As if him coming back would heal up the pain in both of his sons for being almost abandoned. The reality was that they were, the two of them knew it.

 

His cool head only lasted the time it took to open his eyes and until he realized what Hiro was saying. He got out of bed and came to the door, swinging it open to see his brother's back as he was leaving to go back to his own room, "What do you mean you got a new tutor?" His brother better not be thinking that anyone else in the school was more smarter than him or that anyone was more fit to scrape him off the bottom of the barrel than he. "Why do you need a new tutor, Hiroto? You're doing just fine with..." His hazel eyes narrowed, "Don't tell me it's because of what happened yesterday. I told you to forget about it. Do you seriously feel that bad about it?"

 

His brother was not typically seen around the house much before he started to go back into the school studies, so now he'd be gone again? It was for tutoring with someone else, that wasn't too bad. Kou would never admit that he didn't want to be alone because he never felt like he wanted to be around someone else in the first place, but he was just starting to feel okay with being around his younger brother for once. It didn't feel right to just stop all of a sudden. Not even his own shame of his dream deserved being blocked off from Hiroto like this. Then again, he didn't know how it felt to accidentally press a boner on his brothers leg after rough housing.

[grizzly]

Hiroto shut his eyes and sighed, wondering what to say to his brother. "That's not it," he said without daring to turn around. He didn't want to see his brother and be pressured into resuming lessons with him. "I can't stand being around you," he lied. He wanted nothing more than to be next to Kou, to play with his soft hair and listen to him rant about stuff he never even heard about. Even when he called him an idiot, he was still happy that there was someone who cared about him. But.. He can't keep up his act of being a shitty little brother. He had a terrible desire that he never wanted his brother to know about, and the only way to do that was to stay away from him. He just couldn't reaching that point of no return if anything ever did get further between the two of them.

 

"Sure, school's important, but do I really have to have you of all people help me?" He clenched his fists and his shoulders shook slightly from the force. He wanted to punch himself for being so cowardly, but it was for the best. "I'll be going to my tutor's place starting tomorrow." He relaxed his hands and walked over to his room, never looking to Kou to see his face.

[Coffee-Tastic]

He had to say, he wasn't expecting for Hiro to say something like that, it had him unable to know what to say and in the end, it was too late because his brother already went into his room. They couldn't stand each other before, but that changed after Kou helping him with school work, that's what happens when they weren't bickering all the time. Hiro even helped cook with him. He did the dishes. He had made Kou breakfast in bed. In HIS bed on top of that. Hearing him say he couldn't stand him didn't feel right, but he didn't know what else to thing right now. Kou really wished his brother didn't just say that right now when he came to the hard truth that their father wasn't going to come back in a long time. It hurt.

 

Kou's eyes shifted down to the ground, returning back into his safe place. His room, population one. It was a good think Hiroto woke him up before the nap consumed too much of his own time, he had homework he hadn't started yet and there still were plenty of things to be studying for. He'd still have extra time though since he wouldn't be tutoring anymore...

 

He wasn't dumb like Hiroto, he didn't think it was for the best, even if that strange dream came from spending more time with him. It wouldn't happen again, he was pretty sure of that. No weird incidents would happen. It was just illogical to get help from someone else that wasn't as smart and it was more convenient that they lived in the same house. He couldn't really just be sick of him, could he be?

[grizzly]

Hiroto plopped down onto his bed, bringing his legs to his chest as he curled up in the blanket on his bed. If he could just cocoon himself in his room until he was over his shitty attitude, maybe he could learn to grow up and appreciate all the help his brother had given him. But he was too weak. He was just a punk trying to convince himself that he could be better, but he knew deep down that he was just a waste of space. He was a chimney for cigarette smoke, a sleaze with all the women surrounding him, and an idiot for thinking he could turn himself from a loser to a winner for once.

 

The only good thing about being an idiot is the unrelenting persistence he had to try time and time again. He had to try to get his grades back up. He had to try to be a good son. And he damn better work his ass off to try to be the good little brother Kou always deserved. But first... He had to think of how to face his brother without wanting to flee like a dog with its tail between its legs. He rolled over to face the wall, boring his eyes into the plain beige of the wallpaper. Eventually he pulled his phone from his trouser's pocket to text Fujihiro to alert him of his sudden change in meeting time. He was supposed to go over to his new tutor's place on the weekend after the nerd compiled what he said was the "most efficient study plan". But with the sudden outburst he had with Kou, he had to change plans and head over to Fuji's place after school tomorrow. Oh what fun.

[Coffee-Tastic]

For once, Kou struggled to focus on homework. The silence didn't help, classical music didn't help and at this point, he closed his book a few hours into this struggle, finding it pointless to do this now. It could be done later... Kou was holding back on dealing with the loose cash in his drawer, but it was a risk to keep it in an insecure place where his brother might stumble on it. Though maybe not, since he'd no longer be sitting at this desk and he wont be around at all either. That still bothered him. It had Kou thinking more while he went into his closet to find the same box he had used to hide his money in when Hiroto used to steal money.

 

In the moment of having Hiro direct his anger towards him before he went back to his room, Kou was stricken with a heavy pain of being rejected. "-but do I really have to have you out of all people to help me?" He didn't. And he didn't have a problem with it before. Things were getting better for Hiroto and his behavior at home. As for Kou, the brunet, it was good to finally start talking to someone again. It was like everything about their lives were broken. Hiro had been in the wrong crowd, avoiding school. Their mother left. Their father didn't want to be any part of his sons anymore. Their father made it unclear if he was ever going to be coming back, possibly wanting to start a new life with a new woman that helped him stay away from the house by coming here to deliver money... That all was true, but so recently, things felt right between himself and his brother.

 

This situation they were in had Kou realize that he'd never get anything from their dad. He could push himself to be the best human being that their ever was, but that man's back would never turn around to give him a chance for his light to be seen. He couldn't ever laugh with him or tell him how his day was. Being without him and seeing that he was useless to him for a long time, he could see how his attempts to make fantasy real ruined something great he already had with someone else. He abandoned Hiroto before. And now Hiro was trying to do it to him to. Closing the closet door, he swallowed and ran a hand through his hair. Kou wasn't sure what would happen with them separating like this again.

 

The older brother abandoned his room, walking to Hiro's. His brother was probably sleeping, but that was good. It meant that he'd be too drowsy to force him out of the room. "Hiroto. We need to talk." He came in unannounced and closed the door behind him loudly, standing there. Kou wasn't going to move. He wouldn't let his brother walk away again.

[grizzly]

(Hey, your inbox was full. I was going to message you to tell you that I'll be away for a short break. I have some family stuff to take care of, so hopefully I'll be back soon. Thanks for being patient with me so far. If you want to end the rp, I'm okay with that. Otherwise, I'll be ready to start again when I get back.)

[Coffee-Tastic]

(Thank you for letting me know~ I'll gladly wait. I hope things for you turn out good, or the best it can be ^u^ message me in pm if you have more to say, I'll free my inbox for you anymore sorry it got full :/ )

[grizzly]

It didn't take long for Fujihiro to reply. He was surprised, but prepared nonetheless, which helped relieve some of the weight off of Hiro's shoulders. But even that wasn't enough to give him the comfort he needed to sleep at night. He felt like his heart pummeled into the pit of his stomach, giving him slight nausea. It was the first time he felt so guilty over fighting with Kou. It wasn't like it was their first major fight, and it most certainly won't be their last, but he felt so terrible for spitting acid words in Kou's face. He was never aware of how much more painful the right sequence of words can be compared to an uppercut.

 

Trying to get his mind off the topic, he tried to think of what to text Fujihiro to pass the time and rolled onto his back with his phone hovering over him. It wasn't until he heard the distinct sound of his door opening that he accidentally dropped the phone on his face.

 

"Wha-" He quickly moved the phone and turned in his bed to face the door to see none other than his brother, Kou. He remained still in the bed, not sure what to say and winced the moment the door slammed behind the brunet. The nausea returned with twice the oomph, making him sink into his sheets as he covered his face to hide his evident shame.

 

"What do you want?" He said, trying very hard to sound forceful, but the slight crack in his voice only showed just how vulnerable he was really feeling.

[Coffee-Tastic]

"Yeah, I'm nervous too. Sorry." Bluntly receiving Hiro's words a different way after that crack in his voice, Kou kept his balled up hands at his sides. Admitting anything was hard for him to do, always too proud of himself to seem like he made a mistake or if he was in the wrong. It was that kind of thing that had pushed him far from his brother as well, so he'd have to let it go. If not, that meant he was okay with letting things get worse. He wasnt. "Im... No, I'm not sorry actually. I'm not letting this happen." He muttered before a sigh, frowning at Hiroto.

 

"It was my fault that... We split up before... As close brothers. I turned you away and that's what made us hate each other before Dad left. I'm glad to have be talking to you more and stuff. Making dinner with you was cool too." Kou was glad to be talking, except he didn't want a lot of words to pass by before his point did, so he pressed his back against the door and got to it, "I don't want you studying with someone else. I want to continue sticking together like we have recently. I don't want to lose you another time and I'm sorry it took me so long for me to realize that you were the only one I've ever had on my side."

 

He wasn't good at showing other emotion other than annoyance and impatience, but he sure as hell was giving some more now. To the genuine words showing his own pain and honesty, to the gulp, to his quivering arms, it was clear he wasn't saying this for his own greedy benefit. "Don't study with anyone else. You don't have to have me out of all people, but," he held back his words, scaring himself at how honest he was being. It felt gross. It just wasn't like him. He took a deep breath, his voice quieter, "But I have to have you, because I don't have anyone else..."

[grizzly]

Sorry.

He thought his brother would never utter such a word to him, so he lowered the blanket and sat up straight. However, his efforts were all for vain when he heard Kou take back his apology to frown at him, making his stomach flip another time. His chest burned and the blankets were already making him sweat now that he could feel his face heating up. Couldn't Kou leave him to his own demise? After hearing Kou spill his feelings for the last couple of days, Hiroto couldn't bear to go through another scene like in the hallway. It was that desperation in his brother's voice that broke the paper thin walls that was his resolve.

 

"Kou," he said while removing the blankets from his lap to stand up. The desire to embrace his brother was almost too much to stand, but he bit his cheek and stood in front of Kou. He was too disgusting to touch Kou and to potentially stain him. There was something wrong with him, and he didn't know what to do. He loved Kou, but it was the kind of love only movies could capture. Not once did he see his father embrace his mother, nor did he do the same to the girls he dated. There was something about Kou that made him so desirable, but unattainable, like a forbidden fruit.

 

"You're the only one I can call family..." He looked to his brother's eyes before he looked away with a sigh with a blush tainting his cheeks. "But we can't be together anymore. It's too dangerous, and it will be better for the two of us in the end."

 

He wanted to cry now that he rejected his brother a second time. It was becoming more of a reality that he would never be able to play with his hair, or to hear his laugh, or to even brush his lips against Kou's. It was wrong, but it was something he wanted oh so badly. He couldn't risk ruining what he already worked so hard to mend with Kou by letting his selfish desires get the best of him. Because the feelings Kou had are ones that are mutual; Kou was all he had left.

[Coffee-Tastic]

Another rejection wasn't what he was expecting. All his ears were ready to hear were acceptance of his apology and to be told they'd be studying together again. No, he just got rejected. And Hiro couldn't even look him in the eyes for another moment to spare before looking away. Kou's eyes widened and he could literally hear his heart beat in his head. His brother was looking embarrassed, but Kou was looking very. Pissed. Off. Because his sanity was on the verge of breaking after forcing himself to apologize and speak his regrets to Hiro, and even after that his idiot brother... he just had to say something like that. Dangerous? What was dangerous was the look in his eyes as he looked at Hiro's reddened face. Could he still be sorry for what happened before? And was Kou something he was willing to give up just to hide his shame? He couldn't take that.

 

Kou's quivering fists raised up suddenly, tightly grabbing his brother by his shirt, muttering, "I just apologized to you. I just said... how I'm sorry..." he was practically huffing from his anger. He wasn't going to be rejected after saying all of that. "Are you really calling this dangerous, Hiro?! I get that you feel ashamed for what happened, but dangerous? It was an accident, you asshole!! I don't care about it! What I care about is that you'll be with me! I'm about to cry because of this and you have the nerve of telling me no?! You literally just said I'm the only one you can call family!" Yelling all of his scolds to his brother, his eyes really were getting watery and he wished he would wipe it away right now, but his hands were busy messing up Hiro's shirt and shaking him under his shaky hands, "I'm not going to let you do this to me, Hiro. This isn't going to be happening again. I love you and I don't care what happens as long as I know you at least can still love me like before too. I'm not going to be alone again. I am not."

 

Holding hands and always being together no matter what as kids was certainly too childish for them now, Kou was aware. But falling asleep together in the same bed after one was studying and the other was reading, making dinner together, play fighting with flour, Kou would consider that childish too actually. Its just that doing these things with Hiro actually felt pretty damn good inside of him. He smiled and laughed. He had some fun for once. Kou felt completely threatened by his brother's attempt at being pushed away again now. All he could see was the huge amount of money from that envelope, the real kind of sign telling them that they were alone. If Hiro was with him, he wouldn't have anyone and he never would.

[grizzly]

Hiroto stilled himself while Kou was pulling on his shirt. He could see his brother's eyes gloss over with imminent tears, and the sight alone could just about bring him to his knees. How could he tell his brother that he desired him the same way he desired the girls Kou despised. Hiroto grabbed the hand that was gripping his shirt firmly, ignoring the electric shock that ran up his arm as he did so. He tried so hard to keep himself away from Kou, but running away from him was not the answer. Perhaps he had to make Kou run away-to tell him the truth.

 

He tightened his grip on the hand and tried to find the right words to speak. He opened his mouth, but no words would escape as Kou yelled at him. He wanted him to stop, to stop reminding him of the hurt he caused to him. He loved Kou, but not in the way one should feel towards their older brother. Words were beginning to lose their meaning by the time Kou had finished his rant and eventually Hiroto mustered the courage to pull on the hand he was holding to bring Kou closer. He then kissed Kou, pouring all of his emotion into it as he eased his grip on his brother's hand. He was afraid to pull away, but he did, desperate to see what Kou's reaction would be. A part of him wanted Kou to slap him and run away, but another part of him hoped Kou would pull him back for another kiss.

[Coffee-Tastic]

Kou's blood was still hot and boiling from his anger, he had half the mind to yank his hand back from Hiro's grip just out of reflex alone, but he was silent. He was waiting to be reassured and to have an apology given right back to him. Yelling like that was rare for him because he never felt the need to voice himself in such a way. His sharp toned voice he showed others and Hiro were normally enough to show his emotion of annoyance. Well he was annoyed right now... And angry. And sad. And disappointed. Desperate. Lonely. Afraid... Maybe that was the reason why he felt the need to raise his voice like that. That all was too much for him to handle all at one, he could thank his stupid brother for that.

 

He could also start thanking his younger brother for something else after being yanked towards him in a kiss. Not an emotion necessarily, but a memory. His dream where he lied in bed and received a kiss from his brother. Why that came back up wasn't a mystery to the brunet at all because just before their lips met, Kou swore he felt the same electricity now from the dream too. He'd like to say it was just a dream, but Hiro just kissed him now. He might have done that when he was asleep... He should be feel shocked and disgusted, not comforted by coming up with that conclusion.

 

Lowering his hands completely after Hiro set him and his lips free, the older brother's head moved a little backwards while keeping his eyes on the other. Yeah that wasn't an accidental kiss. Now he was at a loss of words now. The only thing that shut him up this fast after being angry was leaving the room, he guessed that receiving actual kisses from his blood brother would be next on the list. "..." he opened his mouth and it closed shut again. On his next try, Kou spoke faster, feeling like his hesitation might be a sign of something bad, "I said I didn't care what happens as long as we're together, Hiro." In a way, it felt very wrong to say that because of one clear reason. They were brothers and he shouldn't be okay with it. For once he really didn't want to go into a detail Hiro gave him that he didn't understand. "Just apologize to me. And say you'll study with me.... Please."

[grizzly]

Now was Hiroto's turn to feel enraged. His brother just kissed him, and what does he do? He stands there and dismisses reason. Kou was definitely not being himself, but from the tone in his voice he concluded that fear was responsible for it. Kou was afraid of being alone, something Hiroto is no stranger to. To seek the comfort from countless girls to fill that void his parents couldn't fill, Hiroto understood what it was like to be lonely.

 

"Kou, listen to yourself," he said sternly. "I just kissed you, I have feelings for you that no brother should have towards their sibling. And you could probably guess that this isn't our first kiss." He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose to gain composure. "I kissed you while you were sleeping too," he confessed. "And if we stay, that incident in the kitchen would more than likely happen again. That kiss from when you were sleeping may be more than that next time. That's what I meant by staying with you is dangerous. I don't know how much more I can even stand being in the same house as you."

 

Hiroto huffed, taking in a deep breath to try to slow the beat of his heart. It felt like it could burst out at any moment. Then there were the butterflies that made it feel like his stomach was doing flips. This was nothing like the romance movies he watched, but then again none of them included incest. He wanted to blame his father for being away from home constantly and his mother for fleeing from her responsibilities. If they stayed, perhaps they could have been functional and both he and Kou would be a perfectly normal pair of brothers. But of course fate had to kick him in the face.

[Coffee-Tastic]

The more Hiro spoke the more he frowned, displeased by hearing a far better explanation than I don't need you out of all people like he tried before. It made sense to back out now that something so trivial has just been brought to light. Incest was a lot worse than being gay in society... How did Hiro go from sleeping with busty, pretty women to wanting his male sibling? Kou just didn't have the time to ponder about that and his mind was doing a marathon with far more important things at the moment. Like one important line.

 

"I don't know how much more I can even stand being in the same house as you."

 

Kou erased the context of that very quickly, because incest or not, those words scared him and the look that came up on his face showed that. "You're not going anywhere," he demanded, shaking his head, "I'm listening to myself alright, But I..." he shook his head again, thoughts spinning because Hiro was right to think this wasn't him. The Kou from two weeks ago would just tell him to leave before anything more weird happened. Kou right now, all he was thinking was how much he didn't want to split away from his brother. "I don't care if you kiss me or how dangerous this is, just don't leave me. Why cant you listen to what I'm saying... What is it then? You want me to fucking beg for you to be around? Is that something you'd want to see now? Will you understand what I mean then? Because telling you directly I don't give a damn doesn't seem to be working! All you have to do is just do as I say so we can stop fighting, Hiro! Youre making this bigger than it needs to be!" His voice raising again, not being like his brother to try and calm down, he was going to keep arguing with him until he would stop protesting, but he was sure that in Hiroto's shoes, he wanted Kou to see how messed up he was and that it was best for them to go their own ways.

 

Someone here was being incredibly blind on purpose and it wasn't Hiro. The older brother never took not getting what he wanted lightly, he's just never been so unreasonable. Kou was being blind because of the same reason why he came back in to talk to Hiroto in the first place. He needed his brother and he wanted to feel secure that they'd still be together. Mom, Dad were gone. If Hiro was going to actually leave the house, he'd be living in this place all by himself. He always loved silence before that thought came to mind.