Lattice (Rin and Zombie) [18+]

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

"I didn't want to be alive." Leo spat out, his hands clenching into fists. "You left me alone." He added, his voice turning quiet. He did see it as betrayal, because it was betrayal. "There were hundreds of other ways you could've helped me, but instead you just ran away." He muttered out, looking away from Chiaki. He could barely look at the man.

 

"Stop thinking about yourself for a moment." Leo said, quietly, after Chiaki's words. "You did it all to help you. Not me." He added, scoffing. Then, the apologies came, one after another, like an avalanche slowly rolling down, bigger and bigger. After that - silence. Leo inhaled, then exhaled a few times. "You're right. I don't want to forgive you. Hell, you don't deserve forgiveness." He spoke, lifting one hand up to lightly ruffle his hair, his eyes closing as he leaned back against the pillow. Chiaki definitely made worse mistakes like this in his life, but this one probably messed him up the most.

 

"You don't get to cry about this." Leo muttered out, his gaze turned somewhere away from the younger man. "A few apologies aren't enough. You're a liar, you've always been that, but..." Leo closed his eyes, a weak sigh parting his lips. "But I'll give you a chance." He muttered out, finally looking back at Chiaki. "Prove to me that you'll stay through whatever. Depressed or not, walking or not, because... Because I need someone around with this shit. I can't force Oliver to do this." He said quietly, lightly motioning to the chair for Chiaki to sit down. "If you do betray me again, you'll be gone from my life entirely." He muttered out, holding his hand out. He was willing to try for them both. Was Chiaki willing to do the same?

[♠[Rin]♠]

Of course it was all pushed back to him. As if he wasn't used to it, but when Leo said it, it was something else. It was stupid to talk about feelings. It was unnecessary. It was painful. It was—

He sighed silently. Hell, if Leo wanted to believe Chiaki did nothing for him but only for himself, then fine. He had more other things to do than coming to this hospital every day. Not that a man who had drowned himself in self-pity was ready to hear that.

 

"I told you about 100 times: I am not a lair. I keep things secret." Chiaki corrected, crossing his arms.

 

Oliver, Oliver, Oliver. He was starting to detest that blond guy. Who had come here after all? Who had visited every day? Who had—

Yes, he was sour. He had lost against Oliver. Aside from that: The one who had told him how he would kill him now offered him his hand to shake. Leo portrayed this situation like it was Chiaki who had to give up when he himself had the feeling of losing any trust. It would be easy to leave Leo's life just like that. He could also just leave him and his previous Oliver alone on their own without any help and maybe afterwards someone might notice how much he was investing into this. Not that he would say that right into Leo's face. Voicing how he felt obviously didn't do any good. He wasn't even allowed to be sad, right?

 

Oh how easy it would be to just leave, even without a 'betrayal'. Not coping with all this shit anymore. What would he give for a normal relationship?

That was why he hated society. He wanted to crush it and squeeze the last bit of life out of it.

 

Chiaki stepped to the chair and stood beside it, before his glance fell onto Leo's hand, before he looked back into his face. It was prettier without the tears and the depressed sparkle. "You need to define what exactly you have in mind, though."

 

He had been willing to try for them both. What about Leo, when he had denied 70 per-cent of Chiaki?

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Leo ignored Chiaki's explanation about not being a liar. It was the same thing in his eyes. Lying and keeping so much in secret that he had the completely wrong idea about the man. Watching him step closer, Leo slowly lowered his hand, letting it rest against his side. He felt the smallest twinge of guilt. He probably didn't know a lot... But that wasn't his fault either. Whatever wrong idea he had about Chiaki, it was because he didn't know something. He didn't know Chiaki came to visit him, he didn't know Chiaki saved Oliver, he didn't know too much.

 

"Just visit me every few days, whenever you can. Talk to me." He spoke, his voice softer as he lifted his hand, gently brushing his fingers against Chiaki's knuckles. "Share your thoughts with me, stop keeping so many secrets. I can't be with someone I don't know. I feel like I don't know you at all. I didn't think you would leave me, but you did that. Then again... I also didn't think you led an underground organisation. I feel like an idiot around you." Leo sighed out, looking out the window, lightly biting on his lip. It was a bad habit he'd gotten throughout this month.

 

"I do miss you, y'know? I miss what we had." He added quietly, keeping his gaze away. "I can't always keep my depression in check. I can't always fight the wish to just die. Hitting me is not the answer... But I do need someone to tell me not to do that. Chiaki, I need someone to remind me it's worth living." He murmured, finally turning his eyes back to the younger man. "I don't expect you to be perfect. I just want you here, and... I'll be there for you, too. If you ever need me." He promised, the corners of his lips twitching slightly, though no smile appeared on his tired face.

[♠[Rin]♠]

Chiaki's hand twitched when Leo stroked over the knuckles. He didn't really want to be touched right now. He had never minded but in this moment it wasn't appropriate for him.

 

"...I can try. I hope nobody follows me to kill you off, though," Chiaki answered, sighing, more to himself though. He followed Leo's glance out to the window, before he pulled the chair back, took a seat on it and crossed his legs. Not right next to the bed and in no good reach but at least he did. "Fine. If you are so eager.. let's talk about it." Oh he hated himself. "My name is Chiaki Senora, born on the 30th of October as a Scorpion. My favourite colour is violet, my blood type is A, my natural hair colour is black and my eye-colour is a mix between brown and red due to a hint of albinism what also makes my skin so pale. My parents are both business people who are 90 per-cent of their time in another country. My little sisters are still in high-school. When I was 16 I first got contact to someone working for the Yakuza and helped them, got attention and became something like a broker. At the age of 18, I graduated from the Osaka Academy which would serve as high-school and actually wanted to study politics but then my boyfriend was murdered and I had to leave. Two years later I met someone else whom I've started a romantic relationship with and when he was murdered, I inherited his organisation. This is the same as you have been told of, whose CEO I am. I sell information for living. Cases like prostitution, slavery, murder and many other crimes can be connected with my organisation due to my customers. In 2013 I proved my might even without the organisation to the RWB, which was an organisation in the medical sector and which had threatened my back then still living lover. I've been in contact with many different Yakuza people ever since. In 2015 I destroyed Snake's gang and murdered him in 2016. In the same year I blew up the St. Stan's prison which the government had used to get rid of as many criminals as possible. That was after I made sure you, Oliver and fifteen other innocent criminals were out of the way.

 

I deny to weigh less than I need to, I am 174cm tall and given that I eat much during the night, I don't gain weight easily. I tend to weigh myself after bathing to be satisfied weigh my weight because with the water on my skin I weigh a few pounds more. I am not a morning person. Sex is my weak spot. My favourite food is Greece salad, my favourite drink is Passoa, I dislike every kind of sweet but I love bitter chocolate. I mostly work during the night. I am educated especially in information science. If it was possible, I would own like 10 cats because I adore their flexibility and vividness.

 

My literally only hobby is it to go out onto my balcony in the middle of the night and watch the city and its people. I am so emotionally wrecked that I barely know anything else than smiling. My biggest enemy is Yoka Hamewia and his secretary once almost choked me to death. I hate society so much that I refuse to give up my job and I detest fish. Not the living ones but I don't eat them. I detest every kind of seafood in general."

 

He leaned back and crossed his arms. "Questions?"

 

Chiaki missed it as well. He really did. But he couldn't express it in words.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

That was a whole lot of information to take in. Leo was taken aback, only capable of staring at the other as he talked, seemingly without a single pause. That... Was absolutely not what he had in mind when he asked Chiaki to stop keeping secrets, but he did give him several facts he found good to know. Like the fact that he started ruining his life at sixteen. Why would he do that to himself? Leo could only pity him by now. Chiaki really opened up, especially for one time. He said himself he was emotionally wrecked, and... Leo had never thought about that being a possibility. Chiaki always seemed so strong, though not physically.

 

"You didn't really leave anything unsaid here, so... No, I have no questions." He said quietly after a while. He needed to swallow all that information. He could imagine Chiaki wanting to write a book, he seemed like the type of person. "Do you have any questions for me, though? Somehow I get the feeling you already know everything there is to know about me. My addictions, my depression, my family... Is there anything you don't know?" He asked, a weak smile pulling at his lips. "Or, rather, anything you don't understand?" He corrected himself, looking down at his hands for a moment, which were fiddling with the bed sheets.

 

"I feel like you've done a lot more in your life than me... Even though I'm twelve years older. Isn't life funny?" He muttered absentmindedly, looking through the window again. It felt like it'd been ages since he last went outside. He was so tired of the hospital. Sure, he couldn't walk properly just yet, but now they could at least take him in a wheelchair outside. The weather was nice, too. "Do you still love me?" Leo asked suddenly, uncertainty rising up inside. He felt the need to ask.

[♠[Rin]♠]

I am so emotionally wrecked that I barely know anything else than smiling.

 

Chiaki smiled. "You are right. Right after you caught my interest in prison, I let my underlings do research. I have a file about you on my older computer." He uncrossed his legs and pulled them up to sit cross-legged on the chair. He was small enough to do that. "Something I don't understand? I am unsure. I assume we're just different and own different points of view. Our opinions always differ, too.

 

I spent my childhood and youth babysitting my sisters while my parents barely answered when I called them when they were out of town. Or in another country. I was bored. I didn't know how to properly stay in touch with people and so didn't want friends as well. And then thing after thing happened."

 

The raven fiddled with his fingers in his lap. "Yes I do. And you should do that too. Love yourself, I mean. You constantly keep on protecting Oliver. Think about yourself, too." Did that sound right?

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Leo cringed slightly. It really sounded like Chiaki had one shitty life. He reached over, gingerly placing his hand over the other's thigh. If the gesture wasn't welcomed, Chiaki could've easily pushed his hand away. Leo wanted to try doing that anyway, though. "We may be different, but we still want to understand one another... At least, I want to understand you." He smiled lightly, gently running his thumb over his thigh.

 

"I don't have to love myself." Leo murmured, looking into Chiaki's eyes. "I haven't loved myself, I don't need to." He said rather firmly. "If I manage to save Oliver, it'll be enough. He needs me... And I need him, just as I need you." He added softly. Chiaki and Oliver were probably the most important people in his life... Not that he had many more people in his life at all. Come to think of it, his family didn't even try to contact him. Did they even know he was in the hospital? Leo let a sigh part his lips once more, his gaze trailing over Chiaki's features, adoring each and every little curve. He missed seeing his face so much...

 

"I never actually ended up looking in the bag you gave me." He murmured, glancing back at the lonely bag on his nightstand. "Do you mind if I do now? Or even better... You can show me what's in there."

[♠[Rin]♠]

While Leo cringed, Chiaki didn't really understand why. He had accepted that he had never had much contact to his parents or family at all. He was used to it, so it wasn't a big deal. To him, at least.

His eyes followed Leo's hand which made its way to his thigh, before he looked back at him. The raven was aware of Leo's need of physical contact. It was still, weird, though. Oliver was saved so many times, at some point Chiaki wondered whether he could even survive on his own.

 

Chiaki glanced over to the bag standing on the same spot where he had placed it one month ago. "Ah.. hopefully nothing has started living in there, then." He lifted Leo's hand off his thigh, placed it onto the bed and then reached over to pull the bag onto his lap. He opened it and fished out a box wrapped in kitchenfoil. Mentioned plastic box he placed onto the night-stand. "There should be a piece of this one cake inside... The one you once tried and liked so much. But oh well." Chiaki slid his hand into the bag again and pulled other items out to adorn the night-stand. "The new phone, the keys for your repaired motorcycle, a knife for self-defense and the envelope." The latter he kept in his hand and looked back at Leo. "Otherwise there are two T-Shirts and a pair of trousers inside here." He set the bag onto the ground and then offered the envelope to his ... lover?

 

"This is an offer you don't have to accept. I worked out a plan for your recovery. Since they already got you once, I cannot have you staying at your apartment. If you want to, take your Oliver with you, I don't care. It's an apartment in another district of the city, not too far away from your work, though. I already talked to a butler who works in the high-rise this apartment is situated in. He will know who you are and everything else is written down in this letter and will be explained to him. Additionally — if you choose to accept — you will pay a friend of mine a visit two times per week. He is a physiotherapist. And!" Chiaki lifted his index finger. "It took a while but I have collected the recipes of many meals which promote quick recovery and help your muscles and body." And Oliver was good at cooking, right? "I know you are proud of your body, after all. And with that all being done: In maybe a year or two, you might even be able to go to a normal gym again."

 

He leaned back against the chair's back. "What do you say?"

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Leo frowned as the box was pulled out, weirdly disappointed that he didn't open it earlier. "God damn it, I really liked that..." He muttered out. For a moment, it was nice to pretend like his biggest problem was spoiled cake. He frowned as the knife was pulled out, shaking his head. "Take your knife back, I don't intend to ever use it." He said firmly, although he did appreciate the thought. If he could defend himself, he would do it with his hands. If he ended up in a situation like the one before, a knife wouldn't really help that much.

 

His eyebrows furrowed as Chiaki explained what was in the envelope. "I don't intend to leave the hospital until I can walk on my own again. That's bound to take time... If your offer still stands in, what, half a year, I'll take it. You have to promise to visit me from time to time, though. I probably won't be able to visit you so easily anymore." He sighed out, but didn't take the envelope. Where would he put it anyway? "I just... It doesn't seem fair that this would happen to me." He grunted out, closing his eyes as he leaned back against the pillow. "I mean, this. My legs, my mental stability." He mumbled, reaching up to rub at his eyes. "Going back to my normal life seems very far away right now. Working out again seems goddamn impossible. I'm going to get so fucking weak..." Leo groaned, scratching his head slightly. "I'll have to start physiotherapy here, anyway. They probably won't let me go otherwise... Besides, I can't imagine being able to walk up a flight of stairs by myself." He let out a light, weak laugh before glancing at Chiaki.

 

"So, basically... I say yes, but not that soon. Thank you, though. It really means a lot." He said honestly, extending his hand to lightly take Chiaki's into his own. All they needed to do was talk, there would be no more misunderstandings or fights over nothing. They could do it... At least Leo hoped they could.

[♠[Rin]♠]

Chiaki pulled his hand back and just dropped the envelope in his hand with a shrug. "In fact it is your business." He let Leo hold his hand. "Stop worrying. I will keep on coming, and actually enter your room. You can have a new piece of that cake. I just can't say when exactly. It might also be in the night that I will visit you." It wasn't allowed but to hell with that, this was Chiaki we were talking about. Altogether it seemed like he could do whatever he wanted.

 

"Anything else you want me to bring or you need help with?"

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Leo tightened his grip slightly when Chiaki let him hold his hand, gently entwining their fingers. "You're going to end up spoiling me." He smiled softly, slowly caressing his hand with his thumb, keeping their hands connected. "You do know people sleep at night, right? You also know very well I'm a heavy sleeper." Leo grinned, probably for the first time in the hospital giving a wide smile like this. "I... You're probably not going to like this, but can you keep an eye on Oliver? I just want to be sure he's doing alright." He requested, with a bit of a guilty expression. Leo felt like a big brother for the blond, always taking care of him, offering his protection.

[♠[Rin]♠]

You do know people sleep at night, right? — Well, fuck.

 

"I said I'd try, though," Chiaki replied stubbornly and remembered the heavy mornings when he had always tried getting out of the other's embrace. One time he had even tried pushing Leo off the bed but that hadn't worked out either.

 

"Yes, yes, that's already been happening." He couldn't have Barbie dead, it would hurt his lover and additionally effect his mentality very badly. "Those guys who had tried killing him were taken in by the police. So stop worrying." This guy could act like a mother. I mean, yeah, he was kinda a father as well. "Say.. have you tried contacting your daughter ever since you've been released from prison?"

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

"Thank you, Chiaki." Leo smiled after being told Oliver would be protected. His eye twitched slightly at his next words, however. "Someone tried to kill him?! Why?" He seemed to tense up for a moment before slowly exhaling, his hand tightening around the younger's. "Never mind, actually." He muttered out, loosening his grip on Chiaki's fingers, gently running his thumb over his knuckles again.

 

"Why would I do that? I've never seen her. I doubt she even wants to know me. Lauren definitely doesn't want to see me in her life again, too." Leo scoffed slightly, shaking his head. "Do you have something you know about them?" He asked the obvious question, his eyes closing. Maybe something happened to them. Maybe something happened to his daughter... He may not be in touch with her, but he still cared. He would've made a pretty good dad.

[♠[Rin]♠]

The raven had already parted his lips to answer when he was interrupted and swallowed the words. Fine, okay, if he didn't want to know. Though, about his family Chiaki of course had some information. "No, they're fine," he assured. "I've just done some research on them both. Nobody is threatening them, though. I know you kinda care. I've noticed in the prsion." Not very friendly memories but whatever.

Chiaki tilted his head a little. "It would have been interesting, though, don't you think? I mean, don't you somewhat owe it Amber? At least someday. I'm not rushing." He himself had left his family behind, not that he had an emotionally connection to them whatsoever.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Leo exhaled in relief, genuinely glad to know his somewhat-family was okay. "I'm just curious, but... Did Lauren ever find someone for herself? Someone to live with, I mean." He asked, a tad hesitantly. He didn't want to sound like he intended to butt into their lives. Having someone around, especially with a child in the family, was bound to make things a lot easier. Amber was what, fifteen now? Still a kid in his eyes.

 

"I don't think I owe her anything." Leo replied sternly, looking out the window again. "It's not that I don't want to see them. They probably just don't want to see me." He added in a quieter voice, moving his hand back to himself. He leaned his head against the pillow, his eyes closing. He was getting a headache again.

[♠[Rin]♠]

"Yes," Chiaki replied. "She didn't marry him and they broke up because he was quite abusive. She has never told the police or her doctor, though. And about Amber.. She has had some hard time in school, though is getting better. Also they have moved to a new apartment."

 

He leaned back and crossed his arms, now that his hand was free. "Do you want to sleep? It's getting late anyway."

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Leo's lips pulled into a tight frown at the mention of Lauren's abusive ex-boyfriend. "Maybe I'll send a letter or something someday..." He murmured, more to himself than to Chiaki. He opened his eyes at the question, a small smile replacing the frown. "I think I need to get medicine before I can sleep, but yeah... I feel pretty tired." He sighed out, closing his eyes again. He looked tired, too. Not nearly as bad as he did a month ago, but he wasn't the same. He may have pushed his depression down as much as possible, but hell, it never left entirely. Besides, today was emotionally exhausting. "Gimme a kiss before you go?" He chuckled softly, keeping his eyes closed. He could've easily played it off as a joke, but... He definitely wouldn't mind Chiaki taking it literally either.

[♠[Rin]♠]

He stood up from the chair and leaned over to peck the other's lips. "Sleep well."

 

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Time passed and peace seemed to return. Nobody tried to kill Leo, at least not obviously or by attacking him. Chiaki twisted his time planner more than a few times to be able to appear at the hospital. So it came that this time he entered the physiotherapy-hall with dark circles under his eyes and a yawn behind his lifted his hand. Looking around, he looked for his lover. Leo should be here, right? Or had his brain tricked him with the time?

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Leo was getting better, little by little, with smaller setbacks from time to time, but he was getting better. He was trying. Except... Today he just couldn't. Ten steps was how much he could go last week and the week before. Today was the same. Leo gave up. Yes, he was still taken to the physiotherapist, but he didn't even leave the wheelchair. No matter what was said, even when people tried to get him up by force, he didn't budge. Leo didn't even react when Chiaki entered. He didn't want to do anything. The physiotherapist looked up, a quiet sigh leaving his lips when he saw the raven. "Today's a bad day for him. Maybe you can get him to at least try again?" The man seemed tired. Leo was quite a lot to deal with, after all, especially when he got this stubborn.

[♠[Rin]♠]

Chiaki looked from Leo to the therapist, before he nodded. "Sure." Waiting until the man was gone, the raven stood in front of his lover's wheelchair and leaned down to him. "Hey. Greeting is a sign of politeness," he said. Yes, he was still not good at this.

He leaned in and pecked the other's cheek. "C'mon. Look at me. Let's make a deal out of this," he offered. "You work further and every time you take a new step, like an eleventh one, you get a wish. You are free to wish for everything. I'll make a list."

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Leo looked away, stubbornly refusing to meet Chiaki's eyes. "No." He muttered, leaning his head against his hand. He was done. "I can't take another fucking step. That's the point. This is the third week. I'm done trying. I'll just stay in a wheelchair for the rest of my life." He mumbled quietly. It may have sounded a bit funny, but the man was really determined to stick true to those words. At least he talked to Chiaki, unlike everyone else. He had days like this, but who could blame him? He just couldn't get himself to take more steps, and he tried. He tried for two weeks without any results. His legs were weak and he didn't even want to change that anymore.

[♠[Rin]♠]

"But training makes stronger. You should know that," Chiaki said, lifting his index finger. He leaned back and crossed his arms. Stubborn idiot. "Just accept help. You need it. Even if you dislike it. Also!" He sized his lover by the chin and pulled his head over. "I'm stubborner than you. I might as well annoy you all day. You can make your own life easier if you keep on trying. Your body is just recovering, let it take its time."

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Leo's lips pursed into a tight frown. When his head was pulled over to Chiaki, he finally looked him in the eyes. "But..." He breathed out, placing his arms on the wheelchair armrests. "But I can't. I don't want to hear the number ten again when I stop. I'm tired. I don't want to do this anymore." His voice was quiet, but pleading. Like Chiaki could just make it all go away. "I'm just... I'm so tired of this." He muttered out, his head hanging low between his shoulders. He felt pathetic, like he couldn't achieve anything in his life... He couldn't achieve anything, not anymore.

[♠[Rin]♠]

He sighed internally. What else could he do or say? Good question. Maybe he should once google how to encourage people..

Pathetic but true.

"Hey." He lowered his hand and leaned up. "Don't say that. Telling yourself that will make you actually believe it. Don't lie to yourself." Poking Leo's nose-tip, the raven added, "I can also support you."

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

"If I try again I'll just get the same result. I don't see the point. It's not a lie. I'm stuck." Leo seemed like he was seriously upset over it. He didn't even react to his nosetip being poked, which never failed to make him at least smile. "Just go... You probably don't want to be around me anyway. Especially when I'm such a fucking failure." Leo was beginning to really hate himself. Scoffing to himself, the man looked away again. Why was Chiaki even hanging around him anymore? Leo was a mess, he didn't deserve anyone.