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A Forbidden Attraction (18+)(Private)


Sathenus
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Nick kissed him again on the forehead and opened the door for the other to get in. He moved to the drivers sit and drove away from school with no destination planned. It was only a drive.

 

Chris was exausted from the training he made in the gym till his colleagues came and prepared for the game knowing that chris wont play. After 1 hour the game started and they lost with 5 points. Going home he realised that daniel wasnt home so he presumed he was with Nick so he went and took a shower and straight to bed.

 

Nick ended the drive at his home and waited for daniel to get out of the car. He didnt want to rush him or anything.

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Daniel was silent as Nick drove the car. Was there really anything for them to talk about right now? He didn’t feel like there was, and although he should be glad that something was going to be done about Kyle even that didn’t make him happy. By the time the car came to a stop he realized they were at Nick’s home. There was no way he was going to argue that. In fact, he was glad that Nick still wanted to spend time with him, all things considered. For a moment he didn’t move, but eventually he slipped out of the car and followed Nick up to the front door.

 

A soft sigh escaped him as he turned his attention back to his boyfriend. “Sorry I dragged you away from work.” He felt bad about that, knowing that it was important that Nick was there. Slipping his hand into Nick’s he entwined their fingers. “You know I love you right?” He asked after a moment of silence had passed between them. He couldn’t explain why he suddenly felt awkward around Nick, or anyone for that matter. But what Chris had done, what he had said was weighing heavily on his mind. If Chris remembered that night, then did he remember everything? Did this one incident bring his brother’s memory back?

 

That made him nervous. For reasons he couldn’t explain it worried him that he had been stupid and managed to get caught up with Kyle again and that had forced Chris back to the present. It wasn’t like it was a bad thing for his brother’s memories to come back. What worried him about it was if they had indeed come back then Chris was bound to be angry especially with the fact that he was currently with Nick.

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Nick closed the door behind him and left his jacket on the chair taking a beer from the fridge and one for the other pushing towards him. "Dont worry. I've managed to work it out" he said smiling to the other thinking about the meeting Louis hold for him. He hopped all went well and the deal will be made.

"But i will have to pack my things and in the morning i can let you at home" hr added taking a sip from the beer sending a message to Louis.

 

how did the meeting go? Is evetything alright?

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Daniel was silent as he stood nearby, half expecting to hear Nick ask him why he hadn’t told him what had happened. Honestly, Daniel had really just hoped it was a night he could forget. As a beer was passed to him he followed Nick into the living room and settled himself on the couch beside him. Physically turning his body so he was sitting facing the older man, his eyes locked on him as he watched his boyfriend. “Nick?” He questioned pausing for a moment before he continued, “Chris… he… remembered that night… do you think that means he remembers everything again?”

 

Part of him hoped the answer was no just because if he did it would make his life more complicated. Watching Nick text something to someone he glanced around the room. It wasn’t like he didn’t know the layout of the house; he knew it like the back of his hand. Looking around the room gave him something else to focus on though. His mind was still racing. Being reminded that he wouldn’t have Nick for the weekend meant he was going to have to finish planning something with his brother.

 

"When you get back from your trip I'll have to make it up to." Daniel said after a moment turning his head back towards Nick. "I love you... so much."

 

__

Louis glanced down at his phone when it went off noticing it was Nick. He rolled his eyes at the man’s concern for how the meeting had gone. He had told the other man he had it covered, and that was exactly what he had done.

 

‘Don’t worry about it. I covered everything, I’ll fill you in tomorrow on the plane. You just worry about you.’

 

Sending the reply he relaxed back against his couch. As much as he would still enjoy messing with Nick he knew right now he had to take a step back. Whatever had called the man out of the office like that was important, more important than the meeting had been in his opinion. Nick could wait until their plane ride to be filled in, for now he had more important things to worry about.

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Hearing that Chris rememvered somrthing from his past made Nick block a little. He knew that one day he will but he didnt expect it to be this soon. Taking a deep breath and a big gulp from his beer he shruggred. "I guess.... possible because of the dejavu" he looked to the side . He couldnt imagine what daniel went through and now again. He started laughing nervosly, Practically he helpped at chris recovery. He send him to look after daniel until he was there. How stupid.

"I cant believe thar i made chris remember" he said it out loud drinking again. That was it. He was going to lose daniel again on behalf of chris.

Turning his gaze back to the boy. "You dont have to ... its fine... as long as you are happy" he said getting up letting the bottle on the table. "I'll go make my luggage. Take a rest" he said kissing him deep on the lips and then he went in his room.

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Daniel watched Nick as his boyfriend took another drink from his beer before he answered him. "You didn't make him remember. He would have remembered eventually." Daniel replied with a small frown. He had felt as if Chris had been remembering for a little while now as bits and pieces came back. Maybe what had happened today had just been the final push he had needed to remember.

 

"But I want to." Daniel replied. He wanted to make it up to him, wanted to make sure that he did something with Nick when he got home from his trip. Daniel returned the kiss but sighed as Nick left the room. Do a moment he sat there staring at his lap before he shifted and got more comfortable. Curling up against the back of the couch he pulled out his phone to text Chris and let him know that he'd be home in the morning.

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Chris couldn't sleep because of his memories that were rumbling around his head, making him crawl in bed from side to side and the stupid head eke that didn't want to leave him be. His phone lighted up noticing him that he got a new message. He looked at the screen and read it. He sigh reading the text knowing where the other was and with whom. He didn't need other explanation. He closed his phone, not replying to Daniel, just ignored it. This weekend he had to be see everything what was going on between him and Daniel.

 

Nick finished making his luggage so he ended in the shower trying not to think about the fact that Chris just regain his memories and this weekend Daniel will be alone with him. How should he feel in such a situation. Should i get angry? Jealous? Worried? his mind started wondering around, making his head hurt because of the overthinking of the situation. How could he focus on work when he knew that probably Chris, most definitely will try to win Daniel.

 

Turning in his room, he notice that the other wasn't there. So he changed into a pair of pants and nothing on top and walked downstairs only too see the little one curled all up in the sofa. Sighing he went and hugged him from behind, resting his chin on his shoulder. "You should get some rest and stop overthinking" he said in a whisper, keeping himself steady.

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Daniel didn't expect a reply from Chris, he just wanted his brother to know where he was and that he was fine. Especially considering how he had acted the day of the accident. If Chris had gotten his memories back then Daniel knew he had a lot to apologize for in the morning. Sighing heavily his eyes drifted shut for a moment not even having realized that Nick had returned until arms wrapped around him. Turning his head slightly to look at the older man as he spoke for a moment Daniel didn't say or do anything.

 

"I know you're right." He murmured softly turning in the other's arms to press their lips together. "Let's head upstairs." He murmured softly before slipping out of Nick's arms and getting up. Walking around the couch he slipped his hand into the older man's and lead the way up the stairs and to Nick's room. He knew the house like the back of his hand, on many occasions he was sure he acted like he lived here himself. There was a small part of him that really wished that was true, a part of him that was also sure it would never happen.

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He fallowed the boy along the stairs and then right in his room resting themselves in bet. Covered with a blanket he pulled Daniel in his arms. On last night sleeping together before being apart for 2 whole days. alone with the enemy he thought but sighed trying to ignore those thoughts which reminded him of Louis word that ones made him angry but which now seemed so true. No matter what, Chris was always on first place no matter what. Even if he was amnesic, Nick was still on second place, and now that the other remembered again everything and that they will remain alone for a whole weekend....

 

He closed his eyes wanting to rest and hope he would be able to concentrate in the morning. Feeling the other near him was comfortable and without even knowing he managed to feel asleep peacefully.

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Daniel laid comfortably again Nick, his head resting on his boyfriend's chest. Despite the stress of the day he could always find comfort in the other's presence and being close to him. It made it easy for him to fall asleep, no longer worrying about Kyle or Chris. That could wait until morning. He slept soundly through the night, waking only when he felt movement beside him. He figured it was Nick considering he knew the man had to get up and leave for the weekend. It made a frown cross his face as he struggled to open his eyes. When they did finally open he glanced up at him. "Morning." He murmured softly.

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The alarm clock announced him that he needs to wake up and get ready to go on the trip which he wasnt quite happy about. He mumbled something as he stopped the alarm, stretching his muscles. "Morning monkey" he said smiling and kissing softly the other. "Sorry for waking up so early but dutty calls" he said getting up of bed preparing his clothes fo the day to dress. "I'll go first in the shower" he added winking at him getting in the bathroom with a towel after him.

 

Preparing the hot watter ge let it calm his body underneath it, relaxing and enjoying its warmth. It was going to be a big day travelling with Louis and away from Daniel. He felt bad that just when Daniel need him the most he had to go. But he just couldnt help it. It was his father and his work which was all he had for ghe moment.

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Daniel sighed when Nick apologized for waking up so early, "It's okay. You're just lucky you are worth waking up early for." A small smirk crossed his face as he watched Nick get up and prepare his clothes that he would be wearing after a shower. Daniel remained comfortably laying on the bed as he watched Nick head towards the bathroom not missing the wink he received. Rolling his eyes he waited for a moment before he got up and undressed deciding he wanted to join Nick.

 

Entering the bathroom he slipped quietly into the shower with his boyfriend, wrapping his arms around him and resting his head against the other man. "I'll miss you this weekend." He said softly as he leaned against the older man. He was going to miss having Nick this weekend considering he had hoped to spend the weekend with him. Still, he knew Nick's job was more important and so he would spend the weekend with Chris. It meant he was going to have to try to figure out how they were going to work this all out.

 

He loved Nick, more than he could ever try to tell the other man. That didn't mean he didn't still have feelings for his brother. Chris knew him better than anyone, partially because they were brothers blood or not. But he also felt like because they were brothers he would never be able to have a real relationship even if they weren't blood related. Sighing he knew he was worrying about something that he didn't need to think about right now. Leaning up he pressed his lips against Nick's in a soft kiss. "You know... when you get home after your busy weekend I'll make sure to have at the very least a nice meal for you. Travel tends to tire people out." He murmured flashing a smile. He'd do his best to be a good boyfriend and make sure that Nick came home to a nice meal after the business trip. It was the least he could do.

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Nick turned and looke at Daniel wrapping his arms around him after he removed the water from his eyes. He kissed him back moaning slowly. "I'm really going to miss this kind of mornings this weekend" he said turning Daniel undet the showers warmth water.

 

"I'm looking forward to my return" he smiled happilly starting to wash Daniel and him. He had to be on time ao that he could catch the plane along with Louis. They set to meet at the airport so ge had to be there at the time they settled.

 

"Lets finish this and get you home" he added cleaning their body witht the hot water and got out of tge shower wrapping a towel around Daniel making him look like a burrito kissing him on the lips before turning and tuck one on his waist heading in his room starting to dress himself up in the black jeans and white shirt with a black tie.

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"We'll just have to make up for it next weekend." Daniel murmured. He was going to miss these mornings as well, he had been looking forward to them. He knew what was important though, and hopefully next weekend he'd be able to spend it at Nick's side. Allowing his boyfriend to wash him up he flashed a large smile hearing that Nick was looking forward to coming home as well. "Then I will be sure to have something nice planned for you when you get home to make it even better." He commented as they finished washing up and were getting ready to get out of the shower.

 

He didn't complain when Nick wrapped the towel around him though he did roll his eyes as a smile tugged at his lips. Making sure he was dry he walked back to Nick's bedroom in time to look over what he had dressed in for his trip. "Damn Nick..." He murmured his voice trailing off as his eyes raked over his boyfriend's body. "You look hot in that." He added after a moment. Forcing himself to tear his eyes away from his boyfriend so that he could get dressed himself. He had felt a surge of pleasure shoot down his spine at the sight of him.

 

That was a reaction he hadn't expected, but he hadn't seen Nick dress so nice before either. Taking in a breath he let it out in a sigh as he ran a hand through his hair. "Is your luggage already in the car?" He asked as he finished getting his shoes on knowing that they had to get going to make sure that Nick made it to the airport in time for his plane. "Do you need help with anything?" He added now that he was dressed and ready himself.

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"Luggage is downstairs ready to be placed in the car" he said taking his jacket on and moving downstairs taking a bottle of water from the kitchen and walking towards the door taking his bag. "I'm fine ... I can carry it outside. Just take the keys" he added opening the door and moving to the back of the car setting the baggage in the back of the car and moving on the front seats. "Let's get going" he said closing the door waiting for the keys and starting the engine, driving to Daniels house with music on.

 

The drive was quick and silent, and as he parked the car he sigh looking back at Daniel taking his hand into his. "If you need to talk just give me a call, alright?" he said looking concernt at the other hopping that he will be fine after all that happened.

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Nodding Daniel grabbed the keys and slipped into the car waiting for Nick to join him. Once his boyfriend had slipped into the driver's seat he handed the keys over. The silence between them was at least covered by the music playing not making it awkward at all. Still, Daniel wished that they weren't just sitting there in silence right now. It didn't take them long to reach his home, his eyes moving up to the building when they parked.

 

Squeezing his boyfriend's hand slightly when he heard Nick speak he sighed. "I will. But I'll try not to bug you. I know you'll be busy." Daniel didn't want to bother or distract Nick while he was away on business. Even if he may need to talk at some point he felt like he shouldn't dump all of his problems on the older man. Leaning over he kissed Nick quickly before flashing a small smile, "I love you, and I will see you when you get home." He hesitated for just one more moment before he got out of the car and went inside. His first instinct was to see if Chris was awake so he would have some company and not be alone.

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Nick kissed the boy back smiling at the comment he made. He was a little relief that he was going to try to overcome the sadness that fell on him these days. After the boy got in the house, Nick drove the car to the airport, parking it and paying for the weekend. Then he took his baggage and looked around for the one person that he kind of started not to hate so much since he saved his ass with the presentation the other day and also which changed his attitude, or at least that's what he thought.

 

Not seeing Louis around he took out his phone and called him trying to read at the same time the flight board to see where was his flight resting so that he can head that way. When the ring tone was off and there was a sigh he started speaking. "Where are you? Don't tell me you are not yet here"

 

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Chris didn't had a good sleep. Darn , he didn't sleep at all. Only moving from side to side in his bed and a simple attempt but never succeed. Hearing the door downstairs he thought it was Daniel which got home, driven by Nick. Again his chest started hurt him. Did the boy got over all they've been through after he lost his memory? Did he really moved on, or back to his old boyfriend? Chris was driving himself crazy. How could he say anything at this moment. It would be the second time that Nick will be devastated because of the break up. He would lose his friend again because of his stupid feelings. But what else could he do. He loved Daniel and he knew that Daniel loved him so there had to be a way to repair this.

 

He turned with the back at his door, knowing that Daniel will check on him and pretend still sleeping. He didn't want to face Daniel yet. He needed a plan on how to behave or to speak. He needed peace in his mind.

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Daniel did just that, heading upstairs to check on his brother. Peeking into his brother's room he noticed that Chris was still in bed with his back to the door. His first instinct told him that his brother was sleeping and to leave him be. For a moment he just stood there and watched him biting his bottom lip gently. The longer he stood there the more guilty he felt about what he had done to his brother. He had technically slept with Nick while he was still with Chris, if he was being completely honest he had never technically broken up with his brother. Did that really mean they were still together? It was all confusing. Deciding he didn't want to bother Chris he quietly left the room and shut the door behind him. Since he hadn't had breakfast yet he went back downstairs to make something simple.

 

Whether or not he was an actual cook he could still cook some things. Deciding to make a simple egg breakfast he gathered what he would need. Daniel figured he would finish making breakfast before he would wake Chris up, at least then he would have something to present to his brother. He still felt bad about everything, and he knew that Chris had regained his memory after the other day at school. It meant that they had to sit down and talk about things, but it also meant that he was nervous about facing him again.

_____

 

Louis was running a bit on the late side. He had stayed up late finishing up the last things he needed to ensure that they were ready for the meetings during the weekend. That being said he had slept through his initial alarm waking only when it went off again fifteen minutes later. It might not seem like a big deal to most people, but those fifteen minutes could make or break him as he groaned and quickly got ready. His phone was already off and in his pocket by the time he arrived at the airport with just enough time to get through security, check in his baggage and make it to the gate to catch the plane.

 

He didn't run into Nick until he arrived at the gate, eyes quickly taking in how the other man was dressed. "Nice look, Nick." He commented and for once he didn't do it to get a rise out of him, he truly thought Nick looked good. Just as he opened his mouth to speak again they were called to board the plane, giving the other man a small smile he lead the way forward. "Sorry I was running late. Stayed up a bit later than I should have and slept through my first alarm. How was your morning?" Louis asked still trying his best to behave himself. That also brought Daniel to his mind and hesitantly he asked about that as well, "How is Daniel? Was everything okay yesterday?"

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As soon as his brother closed the door Chris opened his eyes looking at the window in front of him , contemplating if it was a good idea to get out of bed yet. He was thinking of pretending that he didn't remembered all of it. That he was still amnesic but only with a few losses. Like their relationship and all, that way he could continue talking with Daniel as if nothing happened and trying to see if the other was still feeling something for him or not.

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After left the voice message he waited at patiently for Louis to arrive. He couldn't leave without the other because all the documents were on him. He never had someone bring the papers or handle them. It was a first to rely on someone else with work. Leaving Louis with his meeting was a first and apparently he didn't received a call back from his father screaming at him so that meant it all went well.

 

As he waited and looking anxious at the clock he finally heard a familiar voice which started not to annoy him anymore. He kind of got used with his tone and jokes. Even if they were sometimes complements or just fun of him. Turning he saw the other all dressed up like him. Business was business and Louis kind of started to behave himself. "Thanks ... you look good yourself" he said without thinking. did it just ... complimented him? .. Shaking his head he tried to get over the fact that he said those words out loud. As they walk to the gate he heard the others questions not knowing how to respond. "It was alright .... We manage to spend some time before leaving" he smiled gently not being all grumpy anymore but more sociable.

 

Once they reached the plane, they found their sears quickly and waited for the plane to take the lead. Nick was a little afraid of flights. He hatted because of all the accidents that had happened with them so he was afraid not dying into a flight accident. breathing in and breathing out he tried to calm his heart beats as the flight was rising from the ground into air, finding his course.

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Once Daniel had finished cooking some eggs he cut up some fresh fruit and then went back upstairs to wake up his brother. He didn't knock as he entered Chris' room moving over to where his brother was sleeping. He gently sat down on the edge of the bed before reaching over to him gently shaking his shoulder. "Chris, wake up. I have breakfast ready. Come down and eat something." He didn't want to pressure Chris into having breakfast with him, but at the same time they had already agreed to spend the weekend together. Daniel still wasn't sure what they would end up doing together but he thought a nice breakfast was a good start at least.

___

 

"Thank you." Louis replied a little stunned that Nick had complimented him back. He had expected to get some sort of snide remark or be told off a little. It was a nice change but confusing for sure. As they found and settled into their seat he relaxed and let his eyes slip shut listening as Nick spoke. "Good." He replied giving the other man a small smile, he was glad that he had spent some time with Daniel before they left. But he was still curious about what had happened that had pulled him away from work. Figuring that it really was none of his business though he just remained relaxed in his seat.

 

When his eyes reopened he glanced towards the other man noticing how he seemed a bit on edge. "Are you okay?" He questioned wondering if he should be worried about Nick. Then it occurred to him that maybe the other didn't like flying. "Do you not like flying?" He asked after a moment trying to figure out what he could do to comfort the man while they were getting ready to take off. It wasn't long before the plane started moving and they were taking off, finally getting up into the air. The whole time Louis kept his gaze on Nick a little worried about him.

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He tried to mumble something like he didnt liked to be woke up. He had to play along if he wanted to find out more about what status their relationship have.

"Jeez ... at least in weekends let me sleep more" he complained turning to face the boy looking at him through his lashes. Pretending he was tired he sat up masaging his neck like it was hurting him. "In this state i need a massage not foos" he added sighing.

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"I-I'm fine .... just dont like planes that much" he said swallowing hard trying to keep his mind busy and was starting to look around him and breath deep in and out. Maybe it wasnt a good idea to take the plane in the first place and would had been vetter with the car. When the plane had a lack of air and had turbulences, in his panic, Nick grabbed quickly Louis's hand but after he let go of him. "Sorry ... reflexes" he added quickly looking at the seats in front on the row.

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Daniel sighed and rolled his eyes at the comment, "Come on now, I made breakfast and everything. You know I don't like spending time alone or cooking. Please?" Daniel said whining as he said please. The complaints from Chris definitely sounded like his brother. He watched as Chris sat up and rubbed his neck listening as he complained again. Shaking his head he was half tempted to tell his brother to go back to bed, however he really wanted to spend time with him. "I'll give you a massage after breakfast." Daniel promised.

______

 

"I see." Louis replied giving the other man a small smile. He felt bad that being on a plane seemed so stressful for Nick, but as a friend he didn't know how to try to make him feel better. If he was still acting the way he had in the woods he would have occupied him by kissing him, or distracting him in other ways. So when his hand was grabbed he just spared the man a glance and squeezed Nick's hand gently. "It's okay." He reassured the other man patting his hand gently. "It will all be over before you know it." Reaching into his carry on he handed a book to Nick. "Here, try reading. It will distract you a little bit and maybe make the ride easier."

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"That sounds like a promise that can make me get up from bed" he said grinning than lifting the cover off him, sitting up from bed stretching his muscles. God he felt so old right now. No matter how much sleep he would get wasn't enough apparently. "Alright, alright. I'm coming to eat breakfast with you so stop winning" he added scratching his head. Even though he didn't quite sleep he was trying to look like a person that did do that.

Once they were in the kitchen he sat down at table waiting for the meal to be served by his brother. "It is some improvement. You didn't burned the house and it smells really good" he comment looking at Daniel with a smile. It really was an improvement. Daniel couldn't cook anything in the past, or if he did, it would have been a mess.

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Nick took the book and looked at it, closing his eyes for a second and sigh. "Really .... This is what you carry with you? The book of love?" he said skeptical looking back at Louis. "How does it even exist? I thought this was only in the Movie 'American Pie-The Book of love'" he added narrowing his eyes. "And why would you give me this? It doesn't even help me in any way" he continued talking forgetting the fact that with a few minutes ago he was afraid of the plane. "From this you get all you pick-up lines?" he asked laughing.

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Daniel felt himself perk up when Chris agreed to have breakfast with him, even if it had apparently been his promise to give his brother a massage after that had convinced him. He didn't remotely mind if it meant he was spending some time with his brother. The more time he could spend with him this weekend the better, especially with how things had ended between them before the accident and how little time he had for his brother after the accident. This was his chance to make up for all of that and he fully intended to do so. Following Chris back downstairs and into the kitchen he prepared a plat for his brother and set it down in front of the other man. "Thanks. I tried really hard." He admitted blushing slightly. He still wasn't much of a cook, but he wanted to try.

 

Making a plate for himself he settled himself beside his brother and took a bite. It really was good, especially for him. Probably the best he had done so far which only pleased Daniel even more. Humming happily he glanced towards his brother, "So. It's just the two of us all weekend. What do you want to big brother? I feel terrible for ignoring you these past few days. I know I need to make more time for you."

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Louis watched Nick as he spoke and rolled his eyes. "They make books about everything." He responded when he was asked how the book even existed. All someone needed to do was make a reference about some book and someone somewhere would make said book a reality if it wasn't already. "No it's not where I get all my pick up lines, and maybe it would help you considering how bad you seem to be doing with your relationship." Louis snapped realizing he had made a mistake handing said book to Nick. Crossing his arms over his chest he spoke again, "Read the book or don't. I truly don't care, but at least you aren't almost having a panic attack anymore."

 

He let the silence settle between them before glancing back towards Nick and letting a small smirk cross his face. "Besides, I highly doubt you'd understand what the book discusses anyways. So you might as well just forget about it. Give it back and look out the window instead. I'm sure that will be a much better way to spend your time." With that he held his hand out towards Nick as if he truly expected the man to give the book back to him and start looking out the window instead. Their flight was a few hours and they were less than a half an hour in already.

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Chris started eating and looked at his brother how happy he was because of his cooking skills and all. he changed a lot .... and in a good way, he thought taking another bite trying to think if it was a good idea to even try to gain Daniel back. He was in good hands, he had a normal relationship. With a boy that he could go out in public and not being mocked out that they are brothers or any other stupid line.

 

"We can go at the zoo, or in park to got with the boat" he said thinking about it. "I really miss going with the boat on the lake" he added taking another bite from his plate, sipping a little from his juice glass.

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When Louis bend to take the book away from him he slide it back not wanting to. That way Louis was bend over him aswell, only inches away from him. Nick looked into the others eyes and lips that were so closed from his, trying to ignore the feeling he had in his stomach. The other comments before made him realize that he was more calm, ignoring the fact that they were flight. He concentrate on fighting with Louis and he forgot that he was afraid.

"It's fine .... I can read this" he said slowly keeping the small distance between them two."You can back up now" he added looking in Louis's eyes breathing deep. He had to admit himself that it was something that he felt for Louis. After all the shit that he did, he had a thing for him. Didn't know what, but hated how his body was reacting to him.

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