A Loving Brotherhood (18+) (Private)

[Sathenus]

Luke woke up that morning to his alarm going off, now normally he wouldn't have had it set where school was out for the holidays, but there was a particular reason as to why he had it set despite that. Today was supposed to be when his older brother arrived home for the holidays, he had been more than a little excited to hear that he was visiting from college, considering the older man had missed his 18th birthday earlier that year. When his birthday had come around he had been expecting his brother, and would be lying if he said he had been more than a little disappointed that he hadn't been able to make it for one reason or another, he felt that since his birthday falls during the summer he would have been guaranteed to have him there and had been mistaken.

 

That memory made a small frown cross his face as he shook his head, he had already been assured multiple times since his parents had told him that his brother was coming home that he would indeed be here. That didn't meant that he wasn't preparing himself for him not to show up, with a sigh he dragged himself out of bed and into the bathroom to shower and get dressed for the day. Luke had been extra careful to make sure he had not made any plans so he could be home the first day of his brother's arrival. Growing up they had always been close, and he had to admit that this had been one really long year, he missed having him around all of the time but knew he was living his own life.

 

"Lucky." he murmured as he stepped into the shower and under the warm spray. It wasn't even that he necessarily felt like he needed him around all of the time but he kind of missed the extra support growing up with an older brother gave him. Sure they tried to keep in contact by calling or texting, but sometimes it wasn't really enough for him, and although the college was just a short train ride away his brother's schedule made it almost impossible to pull a surprise visit. Of course Luke was not the same person he was a year ago, things had certainly changed, first off he was a lot more confident in himself, and that could be because of the guys he had dated recently. They had been fantastic in the sense that he had been treated well, and felt truly cared for, even if the relationships didn't last -he broke up with them thinking things were getting a little to serious to fast for his liking- they had done great things for his self esteem during their time together.

 

Slipping out of the shower he pulled on some boxers, and a pair of pants before heading to his bedroom, it wasn't uncommon for any guy in their house to walk around only in pants, however, Luke did pull a tank top on upon entering his bedroom. Just because he could walk around shirtless didn't mean he always did, running a quick hand through his still damp raven colored hair he moved out of his room and downstairs, his mother was cooking breakfast when he entered the room and ushered him to the table. Despite the fact that they weren't expecting his brother to arrive until that evening Luke had been to excited to sleep in, he wanted to be up and ready the moment he arrived.

 

Breakfast went by in a blur, and as the hours passed he felt himself getting antsy, maybe it wasn't normal for him to be this excited for his older brother to come home for the holidays, but he was. Maybe in other families it wasn't a normal reaction, but his family was close, closer than most, and he had been wanting to see his brother for the past year, but unfortunately had not been able to do so.

 

Please Register/ Sign In, in order to see the links.

[SapphireD910]

Nathan jumped off the train, adrenaline running through his veins. The busling of the station with the hurried bodies, excited chatter and whistles of the trains, all added to the rush of thoughts and feelings hitting him all at once. He was stepping foot in his home town for the first time in roughly a year, a place he'd missed, but only on his return did he truly realize how much. The rush of his heartbeat grew, a twisting in his empty stomach and a large grin coming over his lips. He'd been so eager, packing things up for the next month home and catching an earlier train than originally planned, he couldn't bring himself to settle a moment to eat. Now that he was here his stomach managed a growl. Opting against transit food, instead craving home-cooked food as soon as possible, he gathered up his luggage and headed to the exit.

 

Outside were a couple of taxis. Nathan could have asked his family to meet him, but he'd always planned to surprise them like this, sneaking in early. Even if only a couple of hours early, he had to see the look on his brother's face. A guilty feeling suddenly crept over him; in his absence his brother's birthday, his eighteenth at that, had passed. They'd talked, Nathan had sent him passes to a summer concert fest as a gift, one he'd wanted to take him to instead, but figured his brother had someone else to take his place. "Take my place?" He bit his lip, he felt the sting of some unidentifiable feeling mixed with the worry of a wedge forming between he and his brother. It took the bumping of shoulders by a passersby to bring him out of his thoughts long enough to signal one of the taxis. With only two large bags he loaded them in the seat next to him.

 

"Where we headed?" came the driver's voice, tilting his head back to make eye contact with Nathan. He gave the driver the address. "That's a nice area. Where are you from?"

 

"Here actually. Just been going to college." Nathan responded with a light smile. He appreciated the small talk, but his thoughts were elsewhere.

 

"Well, you have good timing. They expect a good amount of snow in the coming week. Might complicate holiday travels."

 

Nathan felt this relief from tension that hadn't really even formed. No way was he going to go a day longer without getting home to Luke, to his whole family. He swept some of his long black strands behind his ear, noting he should have it cut soon, and glanced out the window. "Great. I couldn't afford to miss this trip."

 

"Heh, sounds like someone special is waiting on you."

 

"Yeah, " Nathan rolled his eyes with a little embarassment. He was sure the guy was thinking of some girl, maybe he'd even think some guy, while Nathan just wanted to see his little brother and best friend. The only person that he wanted to take up his free time as of late, making their seperation this year ironic and painful. He seemed picky, for lack of a better word, when it came to dating or friends for that matter. The way he frequented the pool in the early mornings, he found a few hot bodies from the swim team getting in extra practice, but they were too aware of the fact they were attractive. Others weren't down for his schedule, assuming that as a busy guy all he wanted were anonymous quickies. He hadn't really even been on a date since the spring when he worked in stocking lab supplies for the campus and met that vet student. Guy wanted to be treated like an animal. Figuratively it could be something interesting, but he was too literal for Nathan's tastes.

 

His thoughts had drifted so long he hadn't noticed when they'd arrived at the house. He rushed to get out of the car, paying the driver with no change to expediate his run to the front door. He stood on the porch for a moment, the key in his pocket feeling heavy all of a sudden. He could let himself in, but a grin came over his face as he rung the doorbell and prayed to see the surprise on that face before anyone else's.

[Sathenus]

The doorbell sounded and Luke spared a glance towards the kitchen doorway before he turned back to his eggs and went to take another bite figuring his mom or dad would get it. "Luke, get the door!" came his father's voice making him sigh, fork halfway to his mouth. Grumbling he put his fork down and got up from the table, a little frustrated that he was the one who had to get up and answer the door, glancing towards the clock as he passed it he noticed it was still a bit early. It made him wonder who it could possibly be, taking a moment to make his way to the front door he unlocked it and pulled the door open eyes moving up from the torso before him to meet the other's face.

 

First he was shocked to see his brother standing before him, they hadn't been expecting him until later that day, but the shock quickly gave way to excitement. "Nathan!" he exclaimed rather happily, carelessly throwing himself into his brother's arms, his own wrapping around the older man's neck in a hug. He had definitely missed him, it had felt like the year would never end, and the fact that Nathan was here early made him that much happier. "You're early." he commented after a moment pulling back to allow him to come into the house helping him with one of his bags.

 

"Mom is outback in the garden, and dad is upstairs in his study." Luke added as he lead the way into the house and closed the door behind them, after which he called up the stairs to let their father know that Nathan had arrived before turning to let their mother know as well. As he returned he started to wonder how the trip had gone, but didn't really have a chance to ask before their mother came in a smile on her face, brushing some dust off of her hands as she approached and gave her oldest son a hug herself.

 

"Are you hungry?" she asked moving into the kitchen, "Luke come finish eating!" she called behind her just as he had opened his mouth to speak. Glaring in the direction of the kitchen he turned his gaze back to Nathan and flashed a smile.

 

"In my defense you kind of distracted me." he said before turning and heading into the kitchen returning to his spot and his slightly cooled eggs, not like he really minded that they were no longer hot. They tasted great all the same, taking a bite he sipped his juice as he rested back against his chair their mother moving around the kitchen already having decided that Nathan had to be hungry and preparing to make him something to eat as well.

[SapphireD910]

The moment had backfired on Nathan. While he was extremely pleased with Luke’s reaction, he was certain his face probably showed more surprise at this new young man in front of him. He swore he left a slightly shorter, skinnier, and more adorably awkward boy. This guy, was something quite different. Not that it wasn’t something good.

 

“Yes, starving. I may have been in a rush to get somewhere, and I left plenty of room for my favorite chef’s food,” he said with a huge smile leaning against the kitchen counter as their mother set to fixing him a plate. “But mom, while I’m looking forward to being here, I have one concern that must be addressed.”

 

His tone is rather serious as he walks over to the younger man finishing his last bit of eggs. The image vivid of that same guy rushing into his arms and his warm body pulling him into a hug and out of the biting cold. Pressing a hand to either shoulder and a slight squeeze, his face turns to their mother again, expression stern.

 

“Who on Earth is this strapping young man, and where is my baby brother?” He chuckles following his dramatic delivery. “I mean the hair is similar.” A hand moves from a shoulder and combs through the head of spiky black hair. “He seems to have raided his closet, though some of it seems a little small for him.” He teasingly swipes his fingers over an exposed patch of the lower back at the end of the tank top. His other hand just desists in rubbing, almost caressing, through Luke's scalp, moves to jerk one of his brother’s arms. “And these arms are no longer lanky. I’m almost jealous.” The last line he nearly rasps near Luke’s ear. “I mean I was quite fond of the other one, but this trade isn’t half bad.” He finally drops into the chair next to Luke with a wide smirk, biting his lip to suppress a laugh.

 

“Nathan, leave your brother alone and take this,” their mother pushes a plate in front of the older of the two with a look that she was only mildly amused by his way of complimenting his younger brother. “I'm glad to have you, but I can hear your stomach from across the kitchen. You'll be eating enough of the food, no good starving before getting here.”

 

“Thanks!” He immediately begins shoveling down the food, almost too fast to really taste it, but soon forces himself to slow down and enjoy it.

[Sathenus]

Luke was happily eating his eggs as he sat at the table watching Nathan as he spoke with their mother a small smile crossing his face at his comment of saving room for his favorite chef’s food, Luke had to admit their mother was a fantastic cook. He never hated anything she cooked, in fact he always found himself loving it, then again he was sure most people felt the same way about their own mother’s cooking but he was sure if other people tasted her food they would think the same thing. Raising an eyebrow when he heard his older brother speak watching as he moved over to him hands gripping his shoulders rather rightly as he spoke, “Very funny.” He said with a small smile and rolling his eyes.

 

“Hey!” he complained as he felt his brother comb a hand through his hair, not like he had made a point of keeping his hair neat, shooting his brother a glare, frown planted firmly on his face, “They are not too small.” He added giving him a dirty look though he felt the fingers of his brother brush against the bare skin making his face blush slightly as a small shiver raked up his spine. That was a reaction he hadn’t expected to have to his brother’s touch and he knew he would have blushed an even darker shade of red if it hadn’t been for Nathan sinking into the chair beside him as their mother spoke telling the older man to leave him alone.

 

Clearing his throat, he got over his slight embarrassment hoping that no one had noticed the reaction to the gentle touch and instead took a sip of his juice trying to busy himself doing something else, anything else. ‘What the hell was that?’ he thought to himself trying to figure it out, shaking his head he set his cup down and leaned back in his seat making sure that he pulled his tank top down enough to hide the skin that had been visible just a moment earlier. “You haven’t even been home for fifteen minutes; you can’t pick on me yet.” He added flashing a smile.

 

Watching his older brother eat he couldn’t help but laugh, “Breath, is the food at your school that bad?” he asked a bit amused as their mother grabbed his plate from in front of him and moved to put it in the sink so she could start to wash them. Turning his gaze back to her he spoke, “I’m still behind in my shopping.” He told her as he pulled his legs up into his chair shifting so he was sitting on his ankles giving him some added height, a habit he had picked up lately and for one reason or another never realized he was doing it until he was told to stop it. Considering he had been told rather last minute that Nathan was coming home for the holidays he still had to get his brother a present, but he wasn’t the only one he had neglected to get anything for.

 

Turning back to Nathan he playfully stuck his tongue out before turning a bit more serious, “So… what did you get me?” he asked raising an eyebrow and crossing his arms over his chest as if he was going to be upset if Nathan hadn’t brought him a present. Though of course Luke didn’t really expect to get anything that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to ask, he wouldn’t be surprised if he was told the only present that his older brother had for him had to wait for the actual holiday and that he hadn’t brought two, in which case Luke would have to accept that and would probably do so with a shrug.

[SapphireD910]

“Nothing compares to home cooking, especially mom’s. You’ll find out the hard way soon enough bro.” Nathan said with a heavy breath as he paused on his food.

 

He sensed he had made an awkward moment for his brother. It made him happy, knowing his kid brother that he could throw off and get flustered was still in there beneath this new casing of handsomeness. Although the more he thought about it, his brother was always a good looking guy, neither of them having trouble gaining attention. So why was he sitting here more or less evaluating him, his looks, the bit of muscle he’d put on? He felt a tinge guilty at his display earlier all of a sudden. He had put his hands all over him. Not like they were a family against displays of affection, but that was different. Nathan suddenly thought of kids teasing someone they had a crush on. Wait, why was that the first comparison he could make?

 

He went back to eating his food at a slower pace. He watched Luke stick his tongue out at him like a little brat and he smiled. Old habits die hard as he watched the younger man hunch onto his ankles in his chair. It had been a while since he was small enough to curl himself into a chair like that. He could barely avoid overtaking a couch these days. Luke was still pretty nimble and able to bend himself in ways Nathan never could.

 

Nathan snapped back to attention as his little brother began prodding him regarding gifts. He had a few gifts he’d packed up, a few things he had ordered, but part of him wanted to get Luke one more gift, he just wasn’t sure what yet. Typically, he let his brother have one gift at least a little early, but over a week was pushing it.

 

“Before you start begging for a gift early, and I consider giving you anything this early, why don’t you tell me how you made use of your last gift, hmm?” Nathan felt a tug in his chest. He had really wanted to go with Luke to that festival. It would have been the first thing they would have done, both as adults, not to mention he just wanted to relax and share in his birthday with him, instead of the work and classes. Though that work did make the gifts more affordable this year.

 

He had almost thought about selling the passes or exchanging them for something else when he knew he couldn't come back for the summer at all. But the mature side of him noted that Luke still deserved to have that experience, even if Nathan wasn’t with him. “Who was the lucky date?” A part of him instantly regretted asking that question. Did he actually want to know? If his brother was seeing someone he should meet them and know the kind of person they were, even before they got too close to his little brother.

Please Register/ Sign In, in order to see the links.

[Sathenus]

Luke shrugged, he supposed that he would eventually find out for himself but for now he was still living at home fully taken care of. He didn't even have a job or even considered looking for one, and neither one of their parents seemed to think that he needed one. Which was fine with him, he had absolutely no intention of getting one anytime soon, and if he wasn't going to be pushed to do so then why should he even bother?

 

Raising an eyebrow he briefly considered what his brother was asking him and exactly how much he should tell him. Of course he had gone and he had taken a date like his brother said, but he wasn't really sure if Nathan actually wanted to hear about it and instead had asked to change the subject. Something that was not against the older man, after some silence had spread between them he shrugged. "I did go and with a date, not with him anymore though." he answered leaning against the back of his chair as he watched his brother continue to eat.

 

He had gone through two relationships during the past year and was currently in a new one but he didn't think that information was really that important right now. After all sure he would be spending some time out with his boyfriend but he was more interested in being with Nathan, which now that he was thinking about it made him realize his priorities were kind of off. He should put his boyfriend first but at the same time he hadn't seen Nathan in a year and so he felt like his brother deserved most of his attention. Maybe he could convince the other to come over for dinner with his family, that way he could spend time with both of them.

 

Of course their mother had to throw him under the bus and mention the guy he was currently dating, "What about that nice guy you're with now? James, right? Tell your brother about him, I'm sure you'll have him over while he's in town and might as well introduce them." This time Luke was unable to hide the blush that colored his face, leave it to her to want him to talk about his boyfriend when he was willing to just pretend he didn't have one right now. Again, he was aware of how wrong that was of him, he shouldn't act like James didn't exist even when his brother was here, but it seemed... wrong to mention him so early in his brother's visit. Then again why was he so worried about his brother finding out?

 

Shaking his head he spoke, "I highly doubt he wants to hear about him. After all he just got here, there will be plenty of time for that later." Refusing to say more on the subject, right now it wasn't important, he would introduce them at another time and he could discuss James then. That did remind him, however, that he still hadn't gotten a gift for James either and that brought back just how far behind he was. "So... what did you get me?" he question again, flashing a smile and trying to convince his brother that it wasn't to early to give him his gift now.

 

It was also a way of trying to distract him from the path the conversation had taken, he couldn't believe their mother had so easily brought James into the conversation just because the word "date" had come up and he silently cursed Nathan for asking if he had taken one to the festival. Don't get him wrong, he had enjoyed being with that guy at the time, he had been really nice to him and was a great guy, but for one reason or another Luke had trouble with commitment and just as the relationship started getting to serious for him he broke it off. That was a cowards move, he had to admit that, and he had been aware of how much it had hurt his past two boyfriends, and he knew in the end he would do the same thing to James. But he couldn't bring himself to end it earlier, and he honestly had some hope that his relationship with James wouldn't end up becoming that serious to begin with.

[SapphireD910]

Nathan was sure his mouth had twitched into a scowl as he finished his plate. "Fantastic as always mom," he said in a flatter tone than he meant to. Why was Luke not opening up to him? He couldn't wrap his mind around what was more upsetting; that he didn't know anything about this James guy sooner, or that his brother was keeping it from him now. At least that's all he could think to explain the pit in his stomach and the pressure between his temples. Had his brother had sex with this guy? He didn't think a guy as cute as Luke hadn't had the opportunity, but that didn't sit well with him. Luke never mentioned losing his virginity. The thought of his brother keeping that stuff from him made him feel... jealous?

 

He looked Luke over again as he leaned back in his chair and seemed to be eyeing him. He spotted the way his shirt was inching up in the front just shy of showing his bellybutton. Whether his little brother would admit it, he was filling out his clothes a lot more than a year ago. He could see Luke's faint happy trail, dark hairs on his peachy skin, and there was a jolt to his groin and a smirk back to his face. The fuck is with me? Nathan suppressed that immediately, feeling a shame and arousal mixed together. Has it been that fucking long since I got off? Despite himself he thought back to his earlier concerns instead. His brother wasn't dumb, so James was probably... fine. He couldn't judge a guy he hadn't met. But he'd get his brother to explain all the damn secrecy later.

 

"You want a gift now then?" Nathan toyed with his fork between his lips in thought, licking the residue off. "I don't know... it may not be any good now, might make your boyfriend jealous." The smile was probably bigger and cockier than it should have been. He stood and gave his plate to their mother. "Thanks mom. I promise to get the dishes for dinner tonight."

 

"With how much you'll probably eat, I'll appreciate that a lot dear." She gave him a knowing look, dealing with the appetites of teen boys for nearly a quarter of her life now. "Since your brother keeps bringing it up, maybe you two could get out for a bit to the store." She smiled, knowing that her older son would help the younger stay focused and get this particular task done sooner. Nathan nodded before his mother turned back to the sink.

 

Turning to Luke he reached out his hand, signaling him to follow him into the other room. "C'mon, if you ask really nicely... I'll give it to you." His tone was deep and delivery soft, catching even himself off-guard. His eyes darted to their mother suddenly who seemed immediately distracted and whose hearing was slightly muffled by the running water. He let out a cough clearing his throat.

 

Taking Luke's hand he lead him back into the living space where he'd left his bags and dug into one of the smaller pockets. "This is just between us. I really wanted to save it for Christmas you brat." He chuckled as he pulled out a small envelope and handed it to Luke. Inside was a card similar to a credit card with the rail system's logo on it and a key. Nathan's face seemed somber almost and he looked off to the side. "It's a train pass, enough money on it to cover several trips and a key... to my new apartment. So you can visit me." He started almost nervously combing his fingers through his lengthy hair. "Although I don't know if your boyfriend will appreciate you running off so many weekends to be with another guy. Even if it's just your brother."

[Sathenus]

Luke was slightly aware of the change in Nathan after their rather brief conversation about James, and the way he had so quickly brushed the subject aside and refused to discuss it any further. It wasn’t that he didn’t think that his brother was worth discussing his boyfriend with, more of he really didn’t see why it was important almost positive that the moment things started to get too serious for him he would break it off again just like all the others. Of course he was aware of how messed up that was, and how if he didn’t want a serious relationship he should just tell James that now so he wouldn’t get his hopes up just for him to crush it, but that wasn’t easy for him to admit.

 

Not having realized he had lost himself in his thoughts until he heard Nathan speak mentioning his present once more and making him perk up more than a little excited that he may have actually won and would be receiving his present early. Raising an eyebrow at the comment of it possibly not being good now and making James jealous just made him wonder even more what his brother had gotten him, his curiosity becoming almost unbearable as he waited to hear what it was only for their mother to suggest that they get out for a bit and go to the store. Frowning slightly at the suggestion, he hadn’t planned on going anywhere, not today anyways having resigned himself to the idea of staying home and spending it with his brother.

 

Then again, if Nathan was going with him then there was no reason to object, he got up when he was offered his brother’s hand reaching out and taking it to be lead into the living room he watched as Nathan started to look in a small pocket of one of his bags. Smirking at the comment he laughed, “Come on you know that I can’t wait for presents.” He replied with a large smile. He wasn’t sure what to make of it when he was handed an envelope, it certainly wasn’t expected but he shrugged the initial surprise off and just opened it pulling out the card and key surprised as he looked back to his brother.

 

Hearing that the card was a train pass with enough money on it to allow him to visit his brother quite a few times and the key to his brother’s new apartment made him more than a little happy, probably more so than it really should have. His excitement of course was squashed by hearing his brother mention that James may not like him running off to see another guy even if it was only his brother, “James can’t tell me who I can and can’t run off to see.” he answered shaking his head, sure he had really strong feelings for his boyfriend, but he wasn’t about to let him stand before him and his brother regardless of how jealous it may make him. That and Luke had to admit jealousy was something he liked in his boyfriends, it just showed how much they truly cared about him.

 

“Besides, it’s not like I’m running off to have sex with some strange guy. It would be to visit you and I could care less if he likes that or not.” That was blunt, Luke was really aware of how mean that could sound especially if James had been here to hear him say it like that, but at the same time it was true. There was no point in him lying and saying that he wouldn’t go visit him if James didn’t approve, no guy was going to stand between him and his brother it was just that simple.

 

Moving over to his brother he hugged him again thanking him for the gift and more than a little happy that he had managed to get it early, “So I take it as we should go to the store now? After all mom knows I’m not going to get my shopping done unless you go with me, and we can catch up while we are out.” he added. Luke had to admit after seeing the look on his brother’s face at the mention of James he felt bad for not having mentioned him earlier.

[SapphireD910]

He snorted, maybe too relieved to hear how much Luke still regarded him highly in his list of priorities. Maybe his previous worries were unfounded after all. "Okay, okay," he said with a smile, wrapping his arms around his waist in a warm hug. He let out a heavy breath, savoring this hug more than the last one. "I'm happy you like your first gift as dorky as it may be." One of his hands had found it's way to that patch of skin at Luke's lower back. This time he admitted to himself that it wasn't the shirt, he had just smoothly swept the hand there when he embraced the younger man, letting it settle there, feeling how warm he was. He tried to stay natural when breaking the hug and not draw attention to the touch, but his mind lingered on it. "But mom and dad don't know I'm not in the dorms anymore. That's why I had to work so much."

 

He laughed at his brother's comment about strange men, despite how cringe inducing the actual thought was. He imagined the kind of creep in that scenario and imagined how much he'd have to throttle him for laying hands on his little brother. The way he talked, Nathan was no longer sure he'd have to worry about James, good or bad, really getting that far. "Plus, are you saying I'm not strange enough?" It wasn't until the words fell out that he thought about the actual implication he had left in the air. Fuck! But that's not what he meant, right? So it didn't matter, right?

 

"Anyway... you sound super eager about going out," he said with an almost nervous chuckle. "But if we shop today we'll have all day tomorrow to fool around alright?" He suddenly felt his pulse throughout his body, especially his groin. Nathan... what. the. fuck. are. you. saying? He needed to cut this shit out now or he was going to freak his brother out, possibly scare him into hating him. He made the effort to keep talking in order to breeze through all these libido driven fuck-ups. It's only because you haven't even touched a guy in months. Plus, you haven't rubbed one out in a couple of days. You'll get it out of your system later. Just stop fucking around with Luke! Shit!

 

"I promise to distract myself when you're buying my gift. Now lets get you in warmer clothes." Either Luke already had his gift or he indeed was behind getting everyone's gifts... either way he loved giving him a hard time. Luke for all his eagerness to receive was good at finding what people liked. Nathan just liked being able to please Luke. God dammit.

[Sathenus]

Wrapping his arms back around his brother when he was embraced in another hug he smiled slightly at the closeness, there was no one else he really wanted to be this close to. There was a comfort to be found in his brother’s arms and it was then that he realized where his mind seemed to go and he stopped the blush in its tracks. ‘That’s not right.’ He reminded himself before he realized just where his brother’s hand was rest, he had been sure it wasn’t his shirt this time, normally he noticed when it started to ride up a little. Deciding not to comment though as their hug was broken he commented instead about the apartment and their parents not knowing, “I didn’t even know you were looking to leave the dorms.” He had been completely honest, it had never popped up in their conversations, then again that just added to the surprise of the gift. He was really happy that his brother had thought of getting him the train pass and a key to his apartment, it meant more to him than it probably should.

 

“Well…” he mused thinking for a moment a small smirk crossing his face, “you are kinda strange.” He continued shaking his head a little, but no his brother was far from what he had meant when he had said “running off to some strange guy” and he was sure that he would never considering his brother one of those guys no matter what. Perking up once more when Nathan mentioned them going out he was taken off guard by what he said after, but instead of letting it get to him a playful smile crossed his face, “Well I suppose we could just fool around tomorrow.” Alright, so he was well aware of the fact that right now he was messing with fire, but at the same time it was the only response he could think of that didn’t make him nervous. He wasn’t used to Nathan talking to him like that and he wondered briefly if he had just imagined what those words implied and was taking them out of proportion. It wouldn’t be the first time of course; he had done that with boyfriends in the past so why not his brother?

 

Luke did manage, however, to get his mind back on the prospect of gifts when Nathan told him he would distract himself while he bought his, that did make him blush. He couldn’t believe he was so far behind that he actually needed to get his brother’s gift still as well as James’. “I’d appreciate it, though I’ll try to make it fast. But…” he trailed off knowing this was going to be a weird thing to ask of his brother, he was lost on what to get James and he was hoping that Nathan would have some sort of advice despite not knowing his boyfriend, taking in a deep breath he continued, “I was hoping you’d be able to help me find something for James. I know it’s kind of a strange request, especially since you don’t even know him, but… I honestly don’t know what to get him.”

 

The fact that he didn’t even know what to get his own boyfriend sounded pathetic even to him, if this was any normal relationship where commitment wasn’t a problem he would probably just put sex on the table for the first time and call it good. That wasn’t the case here though, he didn’t want that type of relationship from a boyfriend, though of course he did have a sex drive and it was a rather active one it just came down to the fact that all of the guys he had dated have not been the ones who made him feel like he was ready to give that up yet. Strangely enough he found himself feeling that way about his brother, he knew it was wrong of course and constantly berated himself for even thinking of his older brother that way, but he had always had a crush on him even when they were little.

 

That was becoming harder to hide now, especially when his brother kept making comments like he was, and maybe it was just him thinking too far into them and assuming that there was another meaning behind them. After all, Nathan couldn’t possibly feel the same way about him right? At least he didn’t think so, and thus he knew he would have to keep such feelings to himself, and eventually -no matter how unhappy he may be with it- settle for a guy who treated him well and cared for him even if he didn’t fully reciprocate the feelings.

 

Knowing that was a bit messed up he was hoping that wouldn’t be the case, but even if his deepest desire came true and Nathan did feel the same way nothing could ever happen between them. What would their parents say? What would everyone else say when they found out that they were brothers? ‘It doesn’t matter what they would think, it will never happen anyways. I’ll always just be his little brother.’ He thought to himself allowing that thought to ground him again when he realized that he still apparently had to get into warmer clothes. “What’s wrong with what I’m currently wearing?” he asked raising and eyebrow though he knew their mother would have a fit if he left the house in a tank top. So after a moment he said he would be back and darted up the stairs to change into warmer clothes, slipping on a proper shirt for winter he grabbed his jacket, slipped on socks and shoes and darted back down the stairs, “Ready!” he exclaimed darting for the door now just as excited as always to go shopping.

[SapphireD910]

I'd really like that... having the day to fool around... with you. Nathan couldn't deny the thoughts any further, just as long as... they stayed in his head. He could be this close to him, without anyone trying to tear them apart, as long as those thoughts stayed inside him. He'd endure the rest, as long as he could just... stay close. No one coming between them.

 

That is until James came up again. Then it was like his heart sunk to the pit of his stomach, but it was different than before, this time he thought he might be sick. Here his brother was, going back and forth between not wanting to talk about the guy, dismissing him almost completely, and now he was asking him to advise him on what would make the guy happy? He hadn't met the guy and already he was pissing him off. He felt a thick lump in his throat which was audible when he swallowed.

 

"Shit Luke. You wont talk to me about the guy, but you want me to help you pick out a gift for him?" Why did he have to sound so angry towards Luke? He didn't want to be that way. He was less than an hour home and he was acting like this? "He probably wants what any guy dating you would." To fuck you crazy, just like.... He felt that pressure returning between his temples and didn't finish the thought. He was sure the headache meant his face was less than pleasant. He took a deep breath before continuing in a much softer and reassuring tone. "If he were a good guy... the right guy, the best gift would be time with you, seeing you happy." He cupped his brother's cheek, running his thumb over it affectionately.

 

"How serious are you guys really?" His brows furrowed in concern. "Does he make you happy?" His voice deepened into a soft rasp. "Does he make your heart pound and your body ache? Because that's how I feel when I want to be with someone." He could tell he was breathing harder and he wasn't sure what to make of the way Luke looked at him, his attention locked on him. "Has anyone made you feel that way Luke? What do you think would make them happy?" His pulse was out of control, even pounding in his ears and being honest with himself, he was sure a slight bulge would be visible if anyone looked. "If you haven't felt that, then just think of him like you would me."

 

In Nathan's mind he was telling Luke to give up on the guy and just think of him like a brother and get him a nice brotherly gift. But he couldn't help noting the conflict of his own advice in the way he thought of his own brother and all the things he didn't want this guy to do to his little brother... ever. What was this stinging coming to his eyes? How the fuck are we supposed to go shopping like this?

[Sathenus]

Huffing he crossed his arms over his chest and glared towards the floor not liking his brother's new tone, "I won't talk to you about him because I don't see how it's important." he replied not hiding his own irritation at the way his brother had addressed him suddenly. 'Why does he have to talk to me like me like that? Why is he mad suddenly?' he questioned himself unsure what to do or say at this point but finding himself fairly upset that his brother seemed to be frustrated or annoyed with him. It wasn't like he was doing it on purpose and he heard him say what James probably wanted and he rolled his eyes, "Then he'll end up like the rest of the guys I've dated who wants that from me, with a broken heart and no longer in a relationship." he replied not hiding his distaste at the idea of having such a relationship with James.

 

His eyes were drawn up to Nathan when he felt him cup his cheek, thumb running over it in an affectionate manner, 'What is with him? One minute he seems mad at me and the next he's affectionate?' Confused he just watched him listening as he spoke saying if James was a good guy he would just want to spend time with him and see him happy. That didn't help him with a gift idea, he had to get James something and his body was not on the table, at least... it wasn't for James even if he might not mind so much if that was what Nathan wanted from him. It was the question of how serious they were that made him look down, 'He's just going to get mad at me again for leading James on...' he thought more than aware of the fact that his brother would most likely yell at him, he knew if their parents knew then they certainly would. They would never encourage him to be leading a guy on when there was no chance of them having anything more from him than a kiss or holding him close.

 

"We aren't... at least not in my eyes. It's just a fling. That doesn't mean I can get away without getting him something." he replied a bit timid when it came to spitting it out. Hearing his brother continue he met his gaze again and shook his head, "He makes me happy in the sense that he shows me attention and seems to care, but no. He doesn't make my heart pound or my body ache, he just... fills a void..." he replied as if trying to describe exactly why he kept James around even if he wasn't what he was looking for. Shaking his head he continued, "He's a great person, and deserves better." that wasn't a lie, he knew James deserved someone who was actually interested, but he couldn't bring himself to give him up yet and knew he wouldn't be able to until James pushed for something he just couldn't give him.

 

When he was asked if anyone made him feel that way he had to stop himself from answering eyes averted, there was no way he could tell his brother that he did, no way he could tell Nathan that the only person who made him feel that way was standing right in front of him. That was one reason why every touch from his brother lit him on fire, one reason why he always put his brother first, but he was afraid of rejection, afraid that he would be turned down and that Nathan wouldn't want to be anywhere near him if he found out. So reluctantly he shook his head before letting out a little of the truth, "I can't tell the person who makes me feel that way..."

 

There was absolutely no way he could think of James like he thought of his older brother, if that was the case he would have given himself to James a long time ago but no, he couldn't do it. He couldn't give himself to Nathan either, it was just setting himself up to be rather painfully rejected, and he knew without a doubt that if his brother rejected him he wouldn't be able to handle to emotional pain. It was just easier to pretend that he didn't feel that way about him, easier to pretend that he didn't make his body tingle whenever he touched him, or made him want more when they were close. He knew his eyes were giving away some of his feelings towards his brother but it was hard to hide when he was standing so close to him, after a moment he looked away, "We should really get going. I'll be quick." he had no interest anymore in really going but he knew he had to get this done, including buying his brother a present as well regardless of if he wished he could just give himself as a gift. 'He wouldn't want it.' he reminded himself being blunt in his own head, it was best that he broke his own heart than to allow anyone else to even his own brother.

[SapphireD910]

As cliche as he felt at that moment looking into his brother's eyes, though that last detail was far from cliche, Nathan swore his heart skipped a beat. So there is someone? Then why wasn't his brother with him? Stressing over him and his gift instead? What was wrong with that guy that Luke couldn't even face him with his feelings? Someone who couldn't at least respect his love didn't deserve it. But there was someone...

 

He almost cringed at his brother's soft words of filling a void. It felt sickening that he had left him here and the younger man had developed some sort of emptiness and despite himself was filling it with the attention of men he had no deeper feelings for. Why did these things not come out during their calls? How had they closed off so much? How could these feelings be swimming to the surface only to reveal these holes in their relationship.

 

Nathan suddenly remembered the first time he looked at his brother in... that way. Luke coming out the lake on a camping trip. He told himself that it was just his coming to terms with his sexuality, that his hormones were running rampant and any good looking guy would do that to him. That night when he touched himself, he'd say it was just the warmth of him sleeping so close. But if college taught him nothing else, he learned very few guys did more than flash as reminders of the things he really wanted. His brother's recent maturity only forced him to put it al together. Luke...

 

"Luke... I'm so sorry." The words were just barely over a whisper. He swallowed again, but the lump was still there. "I guess I'm just jealous." Nathan's face broke into a huge grin, but there was something off about it, he knew he was forcing it. "Here I've been shoving myself into school and work for over half the year, shutting myself off from most people, but worst of all... I've missed out on you." Though mixed with a little sadness his smile was now sincere. He had spent half the year making this life away from people... to get more alone time with Luke? Luke... who was growing up, dating and while it wasn't his boyfriend... falling in love it seemed. "Its my own fault I'm so pent up, and I took that out on you."

 

He gently pulled Luke towards him again. "I'll help you find a gift for James and help you find the nerve to break up with him...eventually." He gave his little brother a look, not of judgment but concern. "There's no rush, all my time with you is worth it. Besides, you need plenty of time to pick the best gift for this guy!" He gave a cocky grin, hoping to lighten the mood.

 

He leaned in with a mischievous grin before pressing his lips to his brother's cheek. "Forgive me? Or do I need to do more?" His eyes widened as though in realization. "When we get back lets curl up on the couch and split a piece of make-up birthday cake... the markets have those 'cake for two'... so romantic." He chuckled, grasping his brother's hand and heading to the door, not letting go.

[Sathenus]

“Jealous?” Luke repeated eyes locking on his brother, he couldn’t understand why he would be jealous, and he tried to search to see if he had given his older brother any such reason. He didn’t have much time to think about it as Nathan spoke again mentioning burring himself in school and work shutting himself off from most people, he listened to the words and heard him say he had missed out on him. Seeing the change in his brother’s smile and the slight sadness that was mixed into it, the last thing he wanted to do was make his brother feel bad, “I’m the one who didn’t mention that I was dating, or even come to you with my problems. It’s… just easier to talk to you about them when you are actually here, versus over the phone.” He admitted.

 

The last thing Luke wanted was for his brother to feel guilty, if anyone was at fault for Nathan not knowing what was going on in his life it was him. He hadn’t opened up to his brother at all really, not in the past year, instead he had dealt with his problems by himself until they forged into something more prominent and harder to ignore. Luke had been aware that it would probably come back to bite him in the end, but at the time he had felt like it would be for the best to just worry about things himself and not bother discussing them with someone who might actually be able to offer him some sort of support. His brother of all people had been the biggest support system he had, and he had to admit that him leaving for college was hard on him, and then missing his 18th birthday just made it even harder.

 

Unsure what to think when Nathan agreed to help him pick a gift for James, especially when he finished saying he would also help him find the nerve to eventually break up with him. He was not unaware of the concerned look he received and that made him look away slightly ashamed that he was even in a relationship with someone when he didn’t reciprocate the other man’s feelings. ‘It really is messed up for me to do that to someone.’ He thought to himself as he kept his eyes averted but he didn’t argue when his hand was taken and he was lead towards the front door and outside of the house.

 

The idea of coming home and cuddling with his brother on the couch was a nice one, after all at the very least he could enjoy spending such time with his brother if nothing else. The cake would just be an added benefit so he agreed with a nod and giving a small smile. Hazel eyes moved to his brother as he was lead down the front steps, “Nathan.” He said softly waiting to make sure that he had his brother’s attention, what he was about to ask was hard for him to do, but at the same time he wanted his brother’s honest opinion.

 

“Tell me the truth… it’s really messed up for me to do this to James isn’t it? Stay with him when I don’t feel the same way about him as he does for me just because I feel like I need the attention.” His voice didn’t hide how upset with himself he was, until Nathan had arrived he had been able to ignore what he was doing and just enjoy the attention that being with the other man had given him, but now… now he just felt guilty. Especially since the person he loved, the person he actually wanted to be with was beside him, hand on holding his. “He’s not the first person I’ve done this to… only to end it when they wanted more from me. That makes me a bad person doesn’t it?” he added barely having the courage to meet his older brother’s eyes.

[SapphireD910]

Since Nathan had arrived home some heavy dark cloud's had rolled in, causing the mid-afternoon to appear as the early evening. Maybe that snow was coming even sooner. He hoped it would, it had been forever since he got to play in the snow. Even at his age he wouldn't resist reverting to a child-like state. He loved all the seasons, but he especially liked curling up inside trying to stay warm after a day playing in the cold, bodies close and quiet conversations exchanged over cocoa.

 

Thinking about it more, it made sense to Nathan that his brother would feel the greater comfort of his physical presence. When things got really complicated and hard, Nathan would embrace him and let him talk it out. It might feel different now though, after going without for so long, Luke being far from a kid, and well... he'd try anyway. But just imginging the two of them curled up, often on one another's bed, Nathan listening intently to the younger, now a man by most accounts, purging his problems and his deeper thoughts. However, when he pictured it now, it followed with his hand grazing over a spot on the other's hip, combing his fingers through Luke's hair by his temple, running his thumb over his bottom lip...

 

"You, bad? No Luke. Absolutely not. Confused maybe... or misguided." Was he completely just talking about his brother? It seemed he was also confessing a bit. Nathan was in no place to guide his brother through this particular subject when he too was... complicated. He knew what his brother was doing was hurting people, but most matters of the heart did. Dating was a potentional friendship that people usually suggested came with more physical benefits and enough compatibility to fall in love. But it didn't mean more was just always going to happen. It also didn't mean everyone agreed. It wasn't like Nathan hadn't dated and kept guys close to finally admit he just didn't want to face loniness. The difference was, most of that time he had Luke. Now away from him he had thrown himself into work without much time to do anything else. He was terrible not to think, to realize, his brother was dealing with the same problems but would need different outlets to satisfy his need. He was way more social than Nathan and to oppose that nature would only do him harm.

 

In all honesty, he understood desiring closeness, even when feelings didn't meet. He couldn't help but be relieved that his brother didn't go further with these guys though. If I can't, why should anyone else? He loved him more than anyone could ever know, more than he knew he should. It didn't stop him from wanting to be close... fight off his brother's loniness any way he could, and some of his own in the process. "To be honest, I've done it too." He frowned feeling shame that he couldn't provide a better example and advice to his brother.

 

"I mean, it sounds like you're trying to figure something out. A good portion of dating is finding out if you feel the same. And its normal to learn you don't." He gave Luke's hand a squeeze and faced his brother. "You're young, there's room for mistakes, we can all get lost in our own needs. But you could never be bad to me, otherwise you wouldn't feel bad about it. But I may be biased." Without thought, Nathan brought Luke's hand up to his lips pressing a gentle peck to the softness of the back of it.

 

The next thought he had was definitely playing with fire, but he was slipping back into his old comfort and Luke was fun to tease. Maybe some of his frustrations could be alleviated in the process. "Tonight, let your older brother be your date," as he chuckled against the hand he still held pressed to his face. "Not everyone can be lucky to have what we have. Why waste it?" He wasn't even sure he knew where he was going with this game, but it was fun to think he may be able to arouse his brother even a little, as wrong as it may be. His brother needed guidence, but he too was lost.

[Sathenus]

Feeling a bit relieved when Nathan didn’t yell at him, but instead just said rather calmly that he was just confused, or even misguided Luke nodded, not really sure what to think of his brother’s words. ‘He could be right though… but what am I confused or misguided about?’ he asked himself as he continued to allow himself to be led by his older brother, hand held in the slightly larger one, being kept warm by the shared body heat as his eyes moved to the sky and the clouds that had rolled in. It appeared as if their snow storm was closer than previously predicted, which just made it even more important that they get to the store and shop so that they could get home before it hit. It had been years ago while he was in his early teenage years that they had learned you don’t want to be caught out and about during a storm you wanted to be home surrounded by family.

 

Allowing his mind to wander as they walked together he didn’t think much more of James at that moment, deciding now was not the time to worry about it. It was when his older brother suddenly stopped that he looked up at him watching as his hand was lifted to the other’s mouth and a kiss pressed to the back of his hand. Instantly he felt himself blush, not because he was embarrassed but because there was something in his brother’s eyes that made him look even more attractive than Luke already thought he was. ‘He is so determined to kill me!’ his mind screamed so sure that his brother was doing this to him on purpose, ‘If I didn’t know better I would think he knew my real feelings.’

 

Shaking his head, a small smile crossed his face when he was told that he should allow Nathan to be his date tonight, “Isn’t it kind of wrong to go on a date with someone when I have a boyfriend?” he asked rather teasingly. He too could play this game, and he had no problem doing so whatsoever, but at the same time he was all to tempted to accept and have a “date” with his brother. “But…” he started trailing off and giving a rather innocent look, “I suppose I could, anything for my big brother after all. Only on one condition however.”

 

At this a small smirk crossed his face, he could have fun with this, it wasn’t against them to tease each other… but there was something different about this teasing. Already his body seemed more interested than it should, and it both excited and scared him, “You can be my date tonight, if you promise to spend the night with me.” It had been quite some time since Luke had anyone sleep in the same room as him, not to mention the same bed, but he really wanted Nathan to do so. It was his only condition to allowing his brother to be his “date” tonight, and he didn’t feel like he was really asking that much. ‘He’ll probably just think I’m asking because I’ve missed him so much, it wasn’t like it was uncommon for us to cuddle or sleep in each other’s beds before he left for college. I’ll just have… a secret motive this time.’ His brain reasoned with him as he waited for his brother’s response to his request.

 

Deep down Luke knew if Nathan agreed he wouldn’t be able to behave himself tonight, not if he thought his brother was asleep. Already his mind was trying to think of ways he could admire his brother without bothering him as he slept, it was a lot harder than most would think, especially considering he knew his brother and how easy it could be sometimes to wake him. Whereas he was extremely hard to wake once asleep, he knew that asking this of his brother was kind of wrong of him, being 18 and all the last thing he should be doing is asking his brother to sleep in his bed with him tonight. It wasn’t entirely innocent, he was really hoping he might get what he had been fantasizing about for a long time, even if not exactly what he wanted a real kiss from his brother would just be nice.

 

Instantly he told himself to knock it off, he shouldn’t have such feelings for his brother, and he shouldn’t be condoning those feelings either by encouraging scenarios that would allow such things to actually happen. Then again if his brother agreed did that mean he actually stood a chance with him? Or was he just over thinking it and putting meaning into something completely innocent? After a moment he spoke, “Nathan… how would you go about telling someone something when you are afraid that they will hate you after?” he asked not giving to much away but trying to figure out how he could go about telling his brother his real feelings.

[SapphireD910]

Nathan had expected his brother to more playfully protest, even complain that now he was being really strange. Instead, once again, things backfired... in the best and worst ways. His brother's deeper innocence was making things hard... in more ways than one. His joke was taken hold of and ran off with before he knew it. Even his question of fidelity to his boyfriend was too cute and sincere for Nathan to really respond. He couldn't say 'I was kidding', that just wasn't true. He did want to be Luke's date, he wanted Luke to bask in his warm arms and feel safe and loved, things that seemed to have slipped the younger man's mind in his absence. He knew the care his brother needed and the best ways to provide it. Where it seemed many guys had failed, Nathan always seemed to be of use and... wanted.

 

His chest pounded like his heart was trying to break through his ribs. The thought alone, not considering the full possibilities from it, sent his body into a frenzy, almost a panic. What if he could do exactly what he wanted? What if he could stop teasing and just... do, give and say all that went through his mind? Then, before he got completely lost to the world around him, Luke snapped him back into reality with one condition: he had to promise to spend the night with him. Is he teasing me, or worse, trying to out me as a pervert? Has he known some time ago that I've gotten an erection over him? Did I let his name slip one night years ago and he heard it through our shared wall? How could he know what I've kept from myself? A condition is usually set in order to motivate the reluctant party with the promise of something they want in return. But what kind of condition was this? It was like asking to kiss him, and his condition being only if he could touch his cock. A shudder shot down his spine and curled to hit the very aforementioned appendage with a jolt of excitement.

 

Looking at Luke only worsened his nerves and restraint as he appeared to be genuinely making this request, a cute bashful expression doning his sweet, yet masculine features. He was speechless. Could this invitation be coming from someplace for Luke similar to his own. It was too much to think about, but he started this game, he couldn't not see it through just when his hopes were getting up. Before he could answer though, his little brother questioned him with fears of being or becoming hated.

 

"My sweet brother has become so serious," he spoke in a light tone, but his uncertain smile signaled that he wasn't taking the question lightly. "He wont hate you, and if he does he doesn't deserve you in any form," Nathan spoke, thinking his brother was bringing up James again. "You can practice telling me later. I'll give you my honest reponse. Just let me know if you want your bed or mine." He felt his stomach flip, he couldn't help the anticipation. They were halfway between the house and the mall, and he found himself picking up pace to get his brother's gifts set and over with. The way things were heading, even in pretend, was quite the gift for him.

 

They made the rest of the walk in about half the time. Nathan may have been poorly hiding his eagerness to return home at this point. He directed Luke to a favored store of their mother's, helping him to pick out a nice evening dress, letting his brother know he got their parents a evening out of the house. Then it was a shirt and tie for dad to go well with the dress. He'd hoped to even make it an evening during his visit to be alone. Next was James.

 

"Maybe a gym membership to distract him with new guys, even if he can't have the best." He felt guilt at his heartless joke. He almost suggested a giftcard, but then Luke should just hand him the cash. "Maybe one last date," he suggested a little somber. "Not to break up, before that. Like I said, best gift is probably time with you. Otherwise pick a party game... fun... but not really personal, yeah?" He felt like he was being bad at this part, but he suddenly felt really awkward as they were geeting to the end of the list. He was getting so... eager. He needed to at least calm down if he was going to share a bed with Luke later, maybe even more. "I need to use the bathroom, so if you really need to, right now would be the time to get your older brother something." He shot the younger man a wink before dashing off.

[Sathenus]

Luke was unsure what to think when his brother told him that he wouldn’t hate him, and he could practice on him later, what he realized his brother didn’t understand was he wasn’t talking about James this time. He wanted to know what his brother would think if he told him his true feelings, he was less worried about what James would think, though breaking up with someone was never easy. It seemed a lot easier to break up with James than it did to tell his brother just how much he liked him and wanted to be with him, and not with him in the way two brothers should be.

 

“My room.” He replied without hesitation, his bed was smaller than his brother’s thanks to always being younger, but that would work more in his favor tonight meaning they would be closer to each other if not because they really wanted to be than by necessity from the bed itself. Though it easily and comfortable fit two, he knew he was going to enjoy the contact that would come from them using his own room rather than his brother’s though he had been highly tempted to say the other man’s room instead. Giving a small smile he allowed himself to be led the rest of the way to the mall though he did notice the increased speed from his brother, he didn’t complain rather silently followed along.

 

Once they arrived he was glad for his brother’s help, and was honestly hoping that the night out he had for their parents was during his visit, ‘If it is… maybe I can finally tell him if I don’t end up spilling it tonight while I have him beside me.’ That was an appealing thought, he knew no matter what he was going to end up admitting his true feelings during his brother’s visit, it was something that couldn’t be helped. Being drawn from his thoughts when Nathan mentioned getting James a gym membership so he could busy himself with other guys, then a last date, to a fun game and just sighed. This was going to be harder than he thought, though a gym membership probably would work he didn’t want James to think that he needed to go to a gym, at the same time a last date might make his boyfriend think he was ready for a step he just wasn’t ready for, and the game… that just made him wonder what kind of game was appropriate to get for your boyfriend.

 

‘Why don’t they write books on things to buy your boyfriend?’ he thought desperately as he tried to figure out what route exactly he was going to take, at least until he heard Nathan speak and he glanced towards him. It certainly did seem like his brother had to use the restroom so he nodded and watched him go before trying desperately to decide what to get his brother before he returned. ‘Something we can enjoy together’ he decided as he scanned the stores before him, there was something he was sure he could figure out for his brother’s gift and then it made him wonder if he could tell his brother his true feelings if just being with him, in maybe a more intimate way would be a good present. He was sure that if Nathan felt the same way it would be, but it was coming out and telling him, and still on whether or not his older brother felt the same that would determine if that would work.

 

Quickly he grabbed a gift he knew would be a good back up present if it backfired on him, then it was back to James as he stood inside of a store notorious for couples of the same sex and tried to figure out if there was something here he could get James. It wouldn’t be so hard if his feelings for the other man were the same as the other’s, but because they weren’t things that any other boyfriend would have probably gotten them -including things to show off their own body- just wasn’t something that Luke was interested in doing considering he didn’t want James to see his body like that. Mainly because even if he did nothing would happen between them, that was just something that he could pretty much guarantee.

 

Eventually he decided on something simple, buying James a small gift that he was sure would suite him but wouldn't hint at anything that wasn't really there. After that it was just a matter of waiting for Nathan to return from the bathroom so they could head back to the house and beat the storm that he knew was brewing outside, by the way things seemed to be dark and gloomy through the windows it could hit any moment. The last thing he wanted was for them to be stuck at the mall until it was over considering you never knew just how long they could last.

[SapphireD910]

Sprinting towards the nearest restroom, Nathan almost felt pained by his unattended erection. At least two to three days without masterbating and the direction of things these last few hours had presented to him, his aching member wasn't going to subside with distraction or dampering thoughts. He could not crawl into his brother's small bed and pretend either one of them could ignore the fact he was hard. Recalling Luke proclaiming that he wanted to end things in his room made Nathan's eyes gloss over. What a brat and tease, he thought with a whole new conitation. If the younger man had ever wanted, he was sure his brother could have pulled anyone he wanted into bed with him based on his behavior today. Nathan felt his throat dry at his next thought. Especially if he has this effect on me, his own brother. He expected a wave of shame, but fully accepting his position and his views on Luke right now, only acted to fuel the throbbing over-taking his pelvis.

 

The mall appeared to be pretty empty, they were probably only a couple of a few dozen people taking the risk of the weather this afternoon. He felt like taking another risk right now, quickly moving into one of the stalls and closing the door with a louder slam than intended. He could hear the sound of his zipper nearly echo off the walls as he quickly tugged on it.

 

Normally during the act he might need to build himself up with a mix of light and rough touches, bringing forth a select few images and fantasies, a secret one of each at least that involved Luke; that summer by the lake, when he first felt something... sexual upon looking at his younger sibling, and a rather simple fantasy in some unknown location, Luke accepting him, both his desires and his body. Many times all his fantasies ended with his brother's name, face and body in mind, even when they started off differently. Right now he was too worked up to need any aid, he just needed touch. Leaning with his back against the stall wall he reached into his jeans, releasing his stiff cock, the contrast between his heated skin and the mild air of the room sent a shudder up his spine. One hand gripped tightly to his rigid length, the other gripping and caressing his collar and throat. He bit his bottom lip to stifle his moans.

 

Holding himself, so focused on the feeling of his own touch, he wondered what his brother's felt like, looked like hard, how he touched himself, what did he think about when he did it? His throat choked out a small and pathetic sound to his own ears. He was so close. He threw his head back, causing a loud thumping noise through the room. He prayed to finish before anyone came in, before anyone could guess what he was doing. Pressing the crook of his elbow to his face, Nathan let out a gutteral groan, aiming at the toilet to dispose of any evidence of this act.

 

For a long moment he gathered up his breathing, wiping the sweat from his brow, and smoothing out his clothes and tucking himself away. He could feel it wouldn't take much to get him going again, but that he could restrain himself for a while now. He checked to see if there was any mess and flushed everything away, before heading to the sink and washing his hands and leaving to regroup with Luke. He's probably thinking the worst right now.

[Sathenus]

While waiting for Nathan to return he busied himself by looking in the windows of other stores, personally he hated the mall and had ever since he was a kid. As a teenager it had never changed, going to the mall was nothing of interest, going with his brother and then being left alone was even less interesting. Crossing his arms over his chest as he held the bags with his presents in them eyes scanning over the window he was currently standing before, it was just another clothes store, most of the places in the mall were. Like normal he quickly lost interest and glanced down at his phone, “Where is he?” he murmured to himself as he looked around where he was standing.

 

Luke was sure that Nathan would show up soon, but at the same time it just made him wonder what was taking him so long to begin with. After all he had just gone to the bathroom and it normally didn’t take his brother this long, ‘That’s not something that could change in a year is it?’ he questioned. Finally, he spotted his brother heading towards him and he let out a soft sigh, he couldn’t wait to get out of the mall and back home where he knew it meant he was going to be able to spend even more time with his brother. That brought a smile to his face despite the fact that he definitely was going to question his brother on what took him so long, sure enough the moment the older man was by his side that was what he asked, “What took you so long? Did you fall in or something?” he asked teasing a little though his first question was definitely a serious one.

 

Slipping his free hand into Nathan’s he turned to lead the way out of the mall, “I finished shopping, so we can just go now. I really hate this place.” He commented leading the way and not giving his brother the chance to object. He wasn’t really sure how long they had until the storm hit, so he was definitely in a hurry for them to get home where they could relax on the couch together, and he had to admit the prospect of tonight with them spending time in his room was something he was very much looking forward to as well.

 

“Since we are sleeping in my room tonight, we can watch a movie, anything you want.” Luke suggested, though he wasn’t really sure if a movie was what his brother was going to want to do he figured he could at least suggest it. As long as they were spending time together he didn’t really care what they did himself, though his mind could certainly come up with a few things for them to do. It made him wonder if tonight meant that he might get lucky and have enough courage to tell his brother his real feelings for him, or if he was just going to continue to be a coward about it and hide it for as long as he could.

 

 

It still occurred to him that he had to figure out what he was going to do about James, despite how many times he has done so already he always hated breaking up with his boyfriends. That just wasn’t something that anyone enjoyed, at least he didn’t think anyone would enjoy doing so, then again he didn’t necessarily have to break up with James yet anyways. Especially if nothing happened between him and Nathan, if he was just going to continue to have a normal relationship with his brother then he knew that he was still going to need the attention of someone who saw more from him even if the feelings were not going to be returned.

[SapphireD910]

Sure enough when Nathan approached his brother he asked him the dredded question of what had kept him a few minutes past normal for a run to the restroom. "I got distracted by a gift idea...." Half truth? Nathan smiled on the inside at the deeper truth to his statement. "... but it may just be something that only works for me. I'll have to think about it more." What on Earth was he thinking? Where had all the shame gone? Was this all his mind deciding that his brother's teasing and sweet offers really came from mutual feelings? When had he settled on that?

 

Suddenly a light crack came over the intercom before a voice began to speak. "Dear patrons, due to the recent weather advisory, we are asking all visitors to complete their final transaction and exit the mall in order to allow staff a safe commute home. Again, a snow advisory has been issued for the next hour and we recommend that everyone return home as the mall will be closing. Thank you."

 

"Just in time." Nathan noted off handedly. He clutched his brother's hand tightly as they exited the building, knowing he didn't care for the mall, but not really considering how much so at the time he ran off. "I'm sorry I left you alone. I promise, I'm at your disposal the rest of the night. You can even shoot the folks a text that we're both not feeling up to dinner so we can go straight to bed. Mom will fear that we both got sick not eating up a storm." Nathan chuckled, recalling the unflattering way he'd taken to the food this morning. Embarassment creeped in recalling how Luke watched him eat like a starving beast. "I'll make up dishes for mom tomorrow."

 

Bringing up their folks so much grounded Nathan for a moment. He became more aware of how he was holding his brother's hand, talking of snuggling in bed together, not to mention the thoughts and feelings he just indulged in. Despite all the moral judgment he was presenting to himself he simply laced his fingers with Luke's. His heart fluttered a bit. He'd never held anyone's hand this way. This evening was already proving more of a date than anything he'd been on before. Luke... why does it all have to feel so right with you of all people, when people will tell me I'm wrong?

"Oh!... I also caught the dessert shop before coming back and they were happy to not have this go to waste." Nathan held up a bag, nearly translucent to reveal a little clear box with a cake inside. "I said so and I meant it. Besides... a date should involve a shared dessert." He arched his brow in anticipation of how Luke would play along. Nathan had no one to blame for his torture but himself. Staring at his brother with overwhelming happiness as they made their way home, he only managed to break from his daze as a few flakes of white danced and fluttered into his vision.

 

"We can do a movie, but I think I'd really just like to curl up with you, catching up more and watching the snow fall." His lips curled inward with an expression of doubt. He thought maybe Luke would find that a little boring. Maybe snow didn't excite his brother like it managed to still excite him. He needed to be with him, check to see what was the same and what was different. No doubt though that he would continue to love him more than anyone.

[Sathenus]

Happy to hear that they would be getting out of here Luke followed Nathan without any hesitation feeling his brother’s hand tightly holding his, of course he didn’t mind and was honestly just glad that his brother was holding his hand despite how innocent the action could be. As they walked he glanced towards him as he spoke, “It’s fine, not like I can expect you to be by my side 24/7 anyways.” He replied shrugging slightly, he did however decide to take Nathan up on texting their parents and telling them that they weren’t feeling up to dinner, pulling his phone out and doing so as he continued to let his brother lead the way.

 

“At my disposal, hm?” Luke mused as he finished sending the message and slipped his phone back into his pocket, of course he liked the idea of that, but it encouraged his mind to go to places it really shouldn’t. He knew his feelings for his brother were morally wrong, but how could something that was wrong feel right? That was what confused him the most, he knew that in the eyes of the community and basically everyone else such a relationship between brothers or any blood relatives was not accepted, but how could it really be that wrong when he craved it so much? It made no sense to him, but deep down he hoped that by some miracle he may actually stand a chance at having that forbidden relationship with his brother, the worst thing that could happen is him being rejected and their relationship completely ruined and as much as that possibility hurt, he wasn’t sure how much longer he could hide his feelings.

 

Drawn from his thoughts he looked at the bag that Nathan was carrying when he held it up to show that he had a small cake inside of it, a small smile crossed his face. “You’ll have to hide that from mom if you expect her to actually let us get away with skipping dinner in favor of cuddling up in my room.” He said though he had to admit that he was more than happy to see that his brother had thought ahead. There was absolutely no argument from him when he was told that a date should involve a shared dessert, he wasn’t going to complain to sharing the cake with his brother and in all honesty he doubted he would complain about sharing anything with his brother when it came down to things.

 

“Hmm? If that’s what you want to do then sure, but that means you have to face mom and get us some hot chocolate, it’s cold out here and we could use some.” He replied giving an innocent look, of course he knew since they would be cuddling he would have his brother’s body heat to warm him up, but who knew how long it would take either of their body temperatures to return to normal in order for sharing body heat to even make a difference, not to mention cake and hot chocolate sounded really good to him, add cuddling on his bed and he didn’t care what they did.

 

Noticing the occasional flakes fall Luke was well aware that it wouldn’t be long before the flakes started to fall like a blizzard and visibility went down the toilet, shifting into his brother’s side for both the warmth and the contact he let a sigh escape him. Not a big fan of the cold he was content to stay pressed into his brother’s side as they walked home, he wasn’t a big fan of the heat either, in other words spring and fall were really the only times he had any whether that didn’t make him miserable in one way or the other. Spring bordered on just the right side of hot for him, and fall the right side of cold, winter killed him, and summer made him feel like he was in constant threat of having a heat stroke.

 

Thankfully it didn’t take them that long to return home and he was the first one through the door when they arrived, giving his older brother a rather mischievous look he set off instantly for his room not even bothering to announce to their parents that they were home. Sure that they had heard their entrance as he moved up the stairs and into his bedroom, making use of the brief moment he had alone to put his gifts in a good hiding spot before he shed the winter clothes he had donned on and pulled on some shorts and a tank top instead, their parents had the heat on keeping the house comfortable even though a shiver ran down his spine as his body tried to adjust to the warmer temperature and fight the cold that had taken hold on their walk home.

[SapphireD910]

He watched the excited and mischievous way Luke bound through the door and up the stairs, bypassing any form of greeting to their parents on his way. He was so eager. So was he... Luke seemed to act the way he felt. Then it hit him. "Brat," he snorted under his breath, realizing he'd been left to deal with his parents. He'd get his little brother back for that. Despite the spot he was in he felt a small smile curl on his lips.

 

Stepping in he quickly tucked the cake on the stairwell before going into the kitchen where his parents were finishing up. Their father smiled with a hint of concern. It must have been the suggestion that the two of them weren't feeling well. "Welcome home son, where's your brother?"

 

"Ah... straight to bed." Nathan gave his own tone of concern. "I'm just really tired from the trip, but he seems to be coming down with something. Figured I'd watch him, give you guys a break." He walked over to the kettle to warm some water. "Maybe he just needs something warm. Since it started snowing."

 

"I would not have suggested shopping if I'd known it was going to start today." Their mother sounded almost guilty over this fact. "Did you at least finish gift shopping?"

 

"Of course, I was there." He grinned. Even with his brother way beyond earshot, he couldn't miss the chance to give him a hard time.

 

"By the way, your bags are in your old room," his dad informed. Nathan and Luke's rooms were right next to each other, but Nathan really thought, now standing in front of his parents, how he had plans to sleep in his brother's room... in his brother's bed... with his brother.

 

"Thanks, should have gotten them before. I'm really beat." Grabbing a couple of mugs and placing them on a tray, he scooped out some cocoa in each and as the water whistled, filled each up. "I promise to do dishes tomorrow. Night mom, night dad." With that, Nathan headed upstairs without catching any reply from his folks, smoothly snagging up the cake on the way.

 

First was his room to change, his current clothes were damp and uncomfortable after a day in the cold. He stripped down and tossed on a pair of sweats and a fitted short sleeve shirt. The sweats were a little loose, thus he used them for sleeping and lounging, otherwise they often slipped and hung below his hip bones, coming dangerously close to exposing the top of his ass or extending low down his pelvis. He let his hair out of its tie. Seeing his reflection he saw something unintentional. He did not look ready to just chill with his brother.

 

Cocoa and cake in hands, he quietly made his way to Luke's room. He almost thought of himself a lover, about to enter the other's room to the sight of a nude and anticpating partner. That did nothing for his cool act or to settle these thoughts he should be trying to dismiss. Walking in he found himself still faced with quite the sight; Luke down to another one of those fitted tank tops and a pair of shorts, exposing his thighs and arms. This was dangerous, but an excitement in the pit of his stomach pushed him forward as he set the tray on the nightstand and sat on the bed, closer than expected to Luke. "Act like you're sick tomorrow. You are, I'm not." He grinned. "Your cake and cocoa... to top off this... date." He looked into Luke's hazel eyes with a smile before reaching over and carefully handing him a warm mug.

[Sathenus]

Patience was never something that Luke had, even growing up he seemed to have absolutely no patience for anything, now was no different. He knew he had to wait for Nathan to get by their parents, and that just made a small smirk cross his own face at how quickly he had bypassed them and gone straight for his room, relaxing on his bed he allowed his mind to wander thinking over what exactly tonight could mean for them. ‘Doesn’t hurt to at the very least confess my feelings, if he’s going to hate me then at least he will do so knowing that I truly love him.’ He decided, mind made up that he was going to admit his true feelings to his brother. It wasn’t until he heard his door open that he looked up eyes locking on Nathan as he carried the tray over to his nightstand and set it down before sinking onto the bed rather close to him.

 

The closeness just seemed to finalize his earlier decision in itself, taking the cup as he was told he needed to act sick in the morning he raised an eyebrow questioningly, “You told them I was coming down sick?” he questioned taking a sip of his hot chocolate a soft sigh escaping his lips as the warmth spread through him, he could still feel some of the cold leaving his body and knew it may be awhile before it’s fully gone. “Looks like a great date to me. You know me so well.” He added with a smile eyes not leaving his brother’s.

 

In all honesty this was probably going to be his best date ever, even if it wasn’t technically a date. He knew it was probably just his brother trying to make up for missing his birthday but in all honesty this was something that Luke really wanted and didn’t realize he was missing until now. Now that he was thinking things over and with a nice hot cup in his hands he was able to understand why his brother had told their parents he was probably coming down sick, the cold usually did that to him, and being caught up in the storm as it started probably would result in him being sick in the next few days. That wasn’t something he was looking forward to, he was still a big baby whenever he became ill regardless of his age he had a feeling that would never change.

 

Leaning against his brother a little he spoke, “If I have to pretend to be sick tomorrow that means you have to take care of me. You know mom will, and she pretends not to get annoyed, but we both know when I am sick I’m not an easy person to deal with.” He didn’t make demands or anything like that, it was just a lot of whining and complaining that he was dying, and how he wasn’t feeling well all of which his mother already knew, she would take it with a smile tell him he wasn’t dying and the she knew he wasn’t feeling well but deep in her eyes Luke knew that sometimes it became too much. She of course worried like any mother would, but he didn’t make it remotely easy on anyone who tended to care for him while he was sick.

 

Taking another sip, he sighed happily letting his eyes drift shut for a moment before he looked back up at Nathan, “I could get used to this, you sure you have to go back in a month?” he asked, he wasn’t even joking at this point he really could get used to having his brother at his side and relaxing with him like this and knew he was going to miss it when he returned to school after the holidays. One month wasn’t enough time to spend with his brother, especially after having almost a year apart, there was too much to catch up on.