Egyptian Sands (18+)(Private)

[Sathenus]

Bakari sighed at Naeem's words, not pleased but knowing he was right. If any of his advisers did come to him he would have to assist them in whatever it was. Even if neither of them felt it was important enough to disrupt what should be him resting and recovering. Nuzzling into his Pharaoh's chest he spoke his voice soft, "You wont leave me though right?" It worried him to think that if one of his advisers did show up he would be sent away. The words of the guards were echoing in his head, and he didn't want to be left in a situation where they could grab him again. The fear made him bury his face in the older man's chest, arms wrapped around him securely while being sure he did not put pressure on the wound.

[Kotorichan]

"It depends on what they need to talk about..." Naeem frowned deeply and looked down at the boy. There was something strange about the way Bakari had asked him. "Is something wrong...?" He gently lifted the concubine's chin to look into his eyes. "Have those guards spoken to you again? You mentioned that they seemed to blame you for my injury..."

[Sathenus]

Bakari wasn’t pleased to hear that depending in what it was about he might be sent away. It was important that the older man remained in bed so it was really the only logical answer. It didn’t make it any easier to bare. As his chin was grabbed and his face lifted he tried to avoid the Pharaoh’s gaze. Unsuccessful he looked up into the older man’s eyes, wondering what he could say. Fear of being rejected if he admitted exactly what had happened he decided to stick with them just blaming him for the accident.

 

Deciding maybe that would be enough to try to keep the Pharaoh close. Taking in a shaky breath he spoke. “They still blame me… they think I should be awaiting execution… should be punished.” Bakari murmured. After he spoke he managed to avert his gaze, not sure he wanted to see the look that would appear in them.

[Kotorichan]

Naeem couldn't hide his sadness at the boy's words, it broke his heart to hear that Bakari was being blamed for his injury. "Bakari..." He leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to the concubine's forehead. "Please tell me these things... I am limited in how much I can intervene, but I can still do my best to help. At the very least I can try to keep you by my side as much as possible..." He pulled the boy close to his chest, hugging him tightly.

[Sathenus]

Bakari returned to clinging to his Pharaoh when he was pulled against Naeem's chest once more, being tightly hugged. The words did little to ease his thoughts and fears. "I didn't want to stress you out." Bakari murmured into Naeem's chest. It wasn't a lie. The last thing he wanted to do was upset or stress out his Pharaoh. It would be counterproductive to his healing. Tilting his head slightly, Bakari looked up at the older man. Leaning forward he pressed their lips together gently. Wanting and almost needing the little kiss. As he pulled back he returned his head to Naeem's chest. Listening to the sound of the older man's beating heart, and calm breaths. Eyes drifting shut, it was easy to relax pressed tightly against the older man.

[Kotorichan]

"It will stress me out more if I know you're hiding your worries from me..." Naeem said softly. He trailed his fingers through the boy's hair. "I would rather know what's wrong so I don't have to assume the worst..." It hurt to know that the person he loved was hiding his problems from him. He truly wanted to protect his lover.

[Sathenus]

"But it wont stop them from blaming me either way." Bakari responded feeling his muscles relax. The soothing way that Naeem trailed his fingers through his hair always did so. Even if he was worried or upset about something. In the end he was sure that nothing could be done about the guards' opinions of him. He would continue to be blamed for something that he had no part of. "They'll continue to think I had something to do with it... that I should be punished. No one would believe that as a slave you or anyone would want me around as company instead of sex." It still hurt to know that, but it was the truth in the end.

 

It all came down to the fact that he was a slave. His purpose was for his Pharaoh to use his body in any way his master pleased. It was not to provide company. Being present when Naeem had been hurt just made the guards assume he was behind it. To him it seemed obvious he hadn't done so. But he wouldn't be surprised if the guards managed to convince someone else otherwise. After all, it wasn't unlike a slave to have some sort of hidden agenda and want to kill their master. Bakari wasn't that type of slave though. He'd give his life for the other man, not try to end it.

[Kotorichan]

Naeem's chest grew tight at the boy's words. It truly pained him to see how much Bakari was suffering because of him. "I'm sorry..." He said softly, tightening his arms around the concubine. "There is really nothing I can do to change their thoughts..." He went quiet for a moment. "But... If you ever find this life to be too painful for you please tell me, I won't force you to stay by my side if you are unhappy here."

[Sathenus]

Bakari frowned, the last thing he ever wanted to do was leave the older man. Naeem wasn't the reason for his unhappiness. He wouldn't dream of ever leaving the man's side if he could help it. "I don't want to leave you..." All Bakari really wanted was to have a peaceful existence by Naeem's side. Though he knew he should be happy that Naeem cared so strongly about his happiness, the guards' words echoed in his head. If he was sent away he would surely die. Having served as a concubine for so long he had no means of caring for himself. Almost positive that his family wouldn't take him back.

[Kotorichan]

"I don't want you to leave either..." Naeem pulled back so he could look into the boy's eyes. "I just want you to know that you aren't a prisoner here..." He stroked Bakari's cheek gently. "I know that you are only involved in all of this because of my selfishness, and I don't want you to suffer because of it."

[Sathenus]

A soft hum slipped passed Bakari's lips as he looked up into Naeem's eyes. "Nothing you have done has ever made me suffer." He responded, voice soft. Leaning up he pressed their lips together, eyes slipping shut and arms moving to wrap around his Pharaoh's neck. After breaking the kiss he gave the older man a small smile. "You're the only person who makes me feel safe. The only one who loves me." Naeem was the only person he trusted and loved unconditionally. If the older man said he would do his best to help then Bakari believed him. Even if it didn't actually make things better.

[Kotorichan]

Naeem leaned into the kiss, his hand moving down to hold the boy's waist. "You are really so precious to me..." He murmured. For a moment he went quiet, lost in his own thoughts. "Bakari... Did I ever tell you why I wanted you?" He wasn't sure if it was something the concubine wanted to hear, but it felt like something he should at least offer.

[Sathenus]

Giving his Pharaoh a questioning look Bakari thought over the words for a moment. Shaking his head he spoke, "No." They had never discussed why Naeem had wanted him. Never talked about why out of all of the people in his kingdom he could have had he had chosen him. It had never really seemed important to Bakari, though now his curiosity was peaked. Since it was brought up he wanted to know why the man had wanted him.

[Kotorichan]

Naeem took his hand in his own and gave it a light squeeze. He lightly chewed his lip for a moment. "Would you like to know..? I don't know if you will like it, but I want you to know the truth if you are willing to hear it." He pressed his lips to Bakari's fingertips, gently kissing them.

[Sathenus]

Confusion crossed Bakari's face at Naeem's words. Wondering why he may not like what the older man said. "I want to know." He replied eyes not leaving his Pharaoh. It did make his mind start racing, wondering what could have possibly been the reason. Until now he hadn't really thought about it. Occasionally he'd wonder, but never enough to ask. Even now the reason seemed insignificant, but he still wanted to know.

[Kotorichan]

Naeem broke eye contact with the boy, worried to see his reaction. "When I was young I had a tutor... He was very kind to me and... He was my first love." For a moment he paused. He had never told anyone this story before.

 

"But... It was discovered that his family was plotting an assassination attempt on my father, he had become my tutor so he could learn the layout of the palace. He and his entire family were executed." His voice trembled slightly at the memory. "It seemed that he had not been involved by his own choice, and I always felt that if I had more power I could have done something."

 

"When I first met you, you looked exactly the way I remembered him. I thought that if I kept you by my side I could protect you, and somehow that would make up for my past failures. So I took you the only way I knew how." His eyes closed as he tried to hide the shame he felt. "I know that it was selfish of me... I shouldn't have gotten you involved in this kind of life because of my own guilt. I'm sorry."

[Sathenus]

For a moment Bakari was to stunned to properly react to what he had just been told. When it did sink in he pulled away sitting back and watching his Pharaoh for a moment. Though he couldn’t say he was mad at Naeem for what he did, he wasn’t happy that it seemed to be the only reason the man had wanted him. Eyes moving to his lap as he tried to figure out how to voice his feelings without coming across as ungrateful. After all, Naeem taking him the way he had saved him from the life he had been living. One that wouldn’t have ended well for him in the end.

 

It was then his mind went over what was happening to him now. If the older man hadn’t taken him who knows if he’d still be alive. At the same time, he wouldn’t have guards thinking he was useless either. Either way, there was a positive and negative to either option. Sighing he kept his eyes on his lap, “I’m not happy that you only wanted me because I reminded you of someone you loved. Someone you obviously still love.” He admitted. There was no point trying to hide that, and it made him wonder if that was the only reason that Naeem seemed to love him now.

 

Obviously, his Pharaoh still had something for his first love. Despite knowing he shouldn’t be jealous about it, or upset he was. There was still one more thing that had to be addressed though. It was no matter how much Naeem kept him by his side and protected him, what had happened could not be undone. Picking his words carefully he spoke once more, “You can’t blame yourself for what happened. Even if it wasn’t by his own choice he was still involved. The outcome would have been the same.” Alright, so he wasn’t good at this. In the end Bakari quite clearly understood why the man had been executed along with his family. Even if he had not done so by his own accord he had still been guilty, something that couldn’t be denied.

 

Then he readdressed the fact that Naeem had loved whoever this man was. “I don’t want my resemblance to this person to be the only reason you love me, or the only reason you keep me around.” It hurt to say those words, he felt more unsure about himself than he ever had since he had been bought and brought to the palace. Still, it had to be said. “I don’t need someone who loves me out of guilt for someone else.” For the first time he truly believed that he couldn’t trust the older man. His heart ached, making him question if the love that the man expressed to him was truly for him, or for someone long since passed. It didn't help that he now thought he loved a man who didn't and couldn't truly return those feelings. If Naeem's love for him was because of the man he lost, then it wasn't him he loved. That wasn't something Bakari wanted to accept.

[Kotorichan]

"Bakari..." Naeem reacted out to stroke the boy's cheek. "I know you're a different person. I love the person you are more than I ever loved my tutor..." He let out a soft sigh. "I was young at the time, and I felt guilt more than anything else. And yes, I suppose I still have feelings for him in a way... He was the only person who treated me kindly as a child. But I know you are not him."

 

He bit his lip and looked away. "I am sure it's hard for you to believe... But I told you this because I care about you. I do not want you to discover it some other way and think that I hid it because I still think of you as him."

[Sathenus]

Bakari wasn't sure if he believed his Pharaoh when Naeem spoke. It bothered him that it was the only reason the older man had wanted him quite some time ago. Even if it may or may not be the reason that he was still kept around. The fact that the older man reached out to stroke his cheek did not ease him like the action had so many times before. It was hard to trust his Pharaoh after being told what he had been. In the end he wasn't sure he could ever trust the man again. Here he was stuck, in no way could he make it outside of the palace walls.

 

The fact that he had been made like this because of someone he looked liked. Something completely out of his control upset him more than it probably should. Keeping his eyes averted he didn't even want to look at his Pharaoh. He felt betrayed, a feeling that continued to make it hard to forgive the man. "How can I even be sure that it's me you love and not the person I remind you of?" Bakari asked his voice making his pain clear. What hurt more than anything, the pride he had felt at being wanted by the Pharaoh had vanished. Knowing that it wasn't truly him the man had wanted.

[Kotorichan]

"I don't know... What can I do to convince you...?" Naeem took the boy's hands in his own, his brow creased in a frown. "It was only you appearance that reminded me of him..." He went silent for a moment, in serious thought. "What if I were to blind myself?" He was completely serious. There was almost nothing he could do to protect the boy from the opinions of others. But if disfiguring himself could make the concubine feel more safe then perhaps that would be enough.

[Sathenus]

Bakari sighed as Naeem admired he didn't know what to do to prove it to him. Honestly. even he wasn't sure if the man could do anything to prove it to him. He was stunned and concerned when his Pharaoh did offer an idea. "Absolutely not." Bakari responded watching the older man. The last thing he wanted was for Naeem to harm himself in some way to try to prove things to him. Especially to blind himself. He felt cared for in that moment, realizing Naeem was willing to give up his ability to see for him. But it wasn't something he wanted. Bakari would not feel like the man could truly protect him if he didn't see what was going on around him. "You're ability to see is far to important. I don't want you to harm yourself to prove anything to me. I'm not worth that."

 

Sighing he let his eyes drift shut for a moment before he spoke again. "I just... want to know I can trust you. That it's me you truly love." Pausing Bakari leaned forward, his face stopping not far from the older man's eyes gentle but worried. "Tell me what you love about me... what makes me different from the man I reminded you of." To start he wanted to know what Naeem loved about him that pertained only to him.

[Kotorichan]

Naeem went quietly for a moment, unsure of how to put it into words. Finally he spoke "When I looked into Asis' eyes I always saw sadness, I think that at the time I wanted to see him happy. I fell in love because he made me feel as if I was the only person in the world who existed, as if it didn't matter what my father thought of me or what my other tutors said... When I was with him it felt like the outside world was gone completely."

 

"But with you..." He took Bakari's hand and lightly kissed his fingertips. "I don't see that hopelessness when I look at you. Even when you have been in pain I see life in your eyes. I don't feel as if I want to fix you, I want to protect you but I think that is normal for someone you love..." He let out a soft sigh. "I don't know how to put this into words, it just feels like nothing can really express it properly. It just feels like the more I got to know you the less you reminded me of Asis and the more I fell in love with you..."

[Sathenus]

Bakari just couldn't understand. If Naeem seemed to love the life he saw in his eyes, and the fact that the more he spent time with him and got to know him the more he fell in love then why even mention Asis to him? The chances of him ever finding out that his Pharaoh had been in love with his tutor was slim. Even if he had, finding out he looked like the man was even more unlikely. "I just... don't understand." He finally said managing to bring himself close to the man again pressing into his lap and resting against his chest.

 

"Why even tell me that you had wanted me because I looked like him?" He murmured as his eyes drifted shut. He could feel tears start to well up but forced them back. "Even if I did find out at some point that you had loved your tutor, I never would have made the connection that I look like him. Never would have believed that was the only reason you had wanted me..." The pain in his voice was clear. He loved the man he was currently clinging to. But it hurt to hear that he had only been wanted so long ago for his looks. Even if that wasn't true anymore, it was what had initially brought him here.

[Kotorichan]

"Some of my advisers are old enough to remember... And I know at least one made the connection. Knowing them that means that they all know. I never thought about it before since they don't seem to acknowledge your presence most of the time. But after hearing that the guards have been giving you trouble. I began to worry that one of them may say something..." Naeem shook his head. "But you're right... I shouldn't have said anything. Perhaps I was just looking for an excuse to clear my conscious." He lightly touched the boy's cheek, trying to hide his own sadness. "I'm sorry..."

[Sathenus]

Tears slowly made their way down his cheeks as he turned to hide his face in Naeem’s chest. The last thing he wanted to hear was that his advisers all probably knew. Even more so knowing that even Naeem was worried that one of them may say something just made his heart shatter even more. As if it wasn’t bad enough with the way the guards looked at him now, if they knew, and knew that Naeem’s tutor had been executed he could only imagine how much worse they would become. The feeling of dread hit him hard and made it impossible for him to speak as the tears flowed. He felt safe in his Pharaoh’s arms, or at least he had. Now he didn’t feel safe at all, but the comfort he found was still present.

 

Bakari was so close to telling Naeem what had happened, but his fear kept him from doing so. He knew the guards were right, they would be punished. But… it was the fear of not knowing what would happen to him if he told that kept the words from passing his lips. The fear that he would be tossed out on the streets, the fear that Naeem would no longer want him kept it at bay. Hands tightening their hold on the older man he took in a shaky breath. Suddenly he found himself murmuring the words so softly in his Pharaoh’s neck, that even he wasn’t sure what he had said.