Mayday (ACuckoo and Zombie) [18+]

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Zombie's character:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Name: Cassiel Coburn

Age: 28

Personality: Before he lost himself in various addictions, Cassiel was always-cheerful, ready to help whoever he could. Most people knew him as the guy in who's apartment they could crash, the guy who'd take them back from a bar or just be there in times of need. However, the responsibility of that, added with the sudden passing of his fiance drove him further into drugs, which up until that point he merely dabbled in. As he is now, Cassiel tends to mistrust people, even himself. He lacks in confidence, the will to live is withering away as well. He barely has enough motivation to continue living, especially having lost his home, along with most of his friends due to wasting his finances on narcotics. He'd like for things to change, but finds himself wondering whether he's even worth it anymore.

 

 

His entire body was shaking. The thin blanket draped over his body didn't hold in any warmth in this weather. He was bundled up in all clothing he had, which truly wasn't much - a sweater, a couple of shirts, a thin jacket and a pair of pants. By now he could barely feel his toes, even though he tucked his feet underneath his body for more warmth. It was getting dark, which meant it would only get colder. The snow had already created a layer on him and the ground, as if they were one. It felt like he was one with the cold concrete.

 

Cassiel's thoughts drifted off to darker places, ones he found himself visiting more and more often lately. He had a razor blade in the pocket of his jacket. His numb fingers felt it around slightly, pushing into the sharp object only to make sure he could still... Feel. That he was real. These days he often felt like he wasn't real, like the world around him was just an imagination. Slowly, he pulled out his hand out of his pocket, tired blue eyes lazily focusing on the blood that was coming from a cut on his ring finger. It felt hot... The liquid was so warm it burned his numb skin. Maybe if he... No, if he cut himself now he wouldn't be able to stop. He'd finally finish the job, which had been started many times before.

 

The only other option was a small plastic bag he was clenching in his other hand, deep inside his pocket. Cassiel looked around only to find that the world had gone dark already. Time either passed incredibly quickly or stopped entirely. There were no people around. No one could judge him... And he just wanted some peace. Opening the plastic bag proved to be difficult, with his hands shaking from the cold and many other things. The blood still stained the bag. Maybe he cut himself again? He wasn't sure. None of that mattered either way. This would give him an escape from the world. Perhaps this time it would be forever. He hoped so.

 

In a few moments, his thin body slumped against the concrete, his cracked lips parting with a soft exhale. He knew he wouldn't feel cold soon. Pleasant feelings were taking over him, and he let them. His blue eyes hazed over before disappearing underneath his eyelids. Cassiel was certain he wouldn't wake up this time, and he was happy. For the first time in months he really felt happy.

 

Of course, the world didn't want him to be happy. He awoke suddenly, with a sharp inhale, feeling the skin on his chest burning. He felt so disoriented, but he realized he was still alive. They didn't let him die. Tears formed in the corners of his eyes, slowly rolling down his cheeks as the ambulance drove through the streets. Really... Couldn't they let him rest? He wanted to leave. He wanted to stand up and tell them to stop, but he couldn't even move. He was too weak. He should have killed himself when he had the blade in his hand. He was too weak.

 

Cassiel didn't know how long it took them to get to the building. It could have been hours, days or weeks, it was all the same for him by now. People pushed him around, took his blood, plugged in various IV's until he was finally allowed to a bed. Oh... He hadn't slept in one for a long time. His dirty blond hair spread over the pillow as his eyes slid closed. When was the last time he spoke to someone? The people here asked him questions, but he didn't understand what they said. Even if he did, he doubted he could answer them. Nothing made sense, except for the fact that he was tired. So, at last, he could sleep.

 

The next time he woke up, it was bright outside. Too bright. His eyes ached from the light coming through the window, his hand twitching weakly in an attempt to move up and cover his face. A violent shudder ran through his body, his muscles clenching before beginning to tremble. Oh, God. No. He didn't want to go through withdrawal again. He couldn't do it. Not again. He needed to get something, right now. His lips parted with soft gasps for air, small drops of sweat forming on his forehead and neck. He didn't want to go through that again. He didn't have what to throw up in his stomach, but he already felt sick. His body couldn't stop shaking. He felt even colder than he did out on the street... This was a nightmare. He just... He just wanted to sleep.

[ACuckoo]

Cuckoo's Character:

 

 

 

Name: Isaac Moon

Age: 28

Nationality: Korean/English (Korean on dad's side; English on mom's side)

Personality & Backstory:

Isaac was always sociable and well-liked amongst his peers. He wasn't someone who was a jock or a nerd or had a specific clique, but just someone that everyone knew and enjoyed being around. Though many people considered him their friend, he only had two people that he took as his friends. He knew the importance of knowing and understanding people, but he also knew the importance of only keeping a small amount of people close. As he grew older he continued to live this way and made it through college to eventually become a nurse at a rehab center. He'd had his share of both girlfriends and boyfriends, but so far he hasn't found anyone he wants to spend the rest of his life with. He's lived a peaceful, mostly easy life, but he's waiting impatiently for the person he can call his love.

 

 

The empty break room served as the perfect resting place for Isaac. The cold, snowy night made for a quiet shift at the rehab center. Most of the patients fell asleep watching the snow fall as their doctors left, leaving them in the hands of the nurses. Isaac made his rounds several times only to find his charges were all silently sleeping; no one needed him.

 

This was a rare thing that happened, but Isaac took full advantage of it. While the other nurses were off checking on their own patients he rested in the darkness of the break room. His eyes were closed, his feet propped up on a table as he listened to what he considered perfect winter music. He was something of a music connoisseur, or so he liked to think. There was hardly a time he didn’t have his headphones in listening to everything from American 90’s rap, Latin Bachata, techno from across the globe, famous orchestra pieces, and of course Korean pop music. His friends teased him endlessly about the last one. What could he say? He embraced his culture wholeheartedly.

 

Had he been allowed to stay there he might have fallen asleep. It wouldn’t have been the first time it happened and it most certainly wouldn’t be the last. Such a treat would escape him today though. The door shot open, startling Isaac out of his relaxed mood.

 

“Come on, Isaac! We need you!”

 

So much for relaxing. Isaac took out his headphones and tucked his phone in his pocket, following his colleague to their next patient. The guy was a wreck to put it lightly. Isaac set to work checking his vitals, setting up an IV, doing whatever he could to keep the man alive. His calm demeanor as he worked seemed to extend to everyone else. He hadn’t seen them so efficient before… It was nice. He would have been able to appreciate it more had he not finally taken in the patient’s face. Isaac’s brow narrowed as he studied him, wondering where he had seen him before. Another co-worker? A date? No, no… High school. He remembered him from high school… But what was his name?

 

There was little time to think on it. The nurses worked fast to make him stable, but Isaac couldn’t help but wonder in the back of his mind how this guy got to this point. Had he always been like this and he’d just forgotten? It was hard to tell… The nurses worked hard to get him stable and once it happened Isaac sat in his room for a bit, trying to remember every conversation he might have had with this man and what he had been like in school and if they had been cool with each other or not. Eventually morning came and it was nearing the end of Isaac’s shift. Still, he stayed with the John Doe and opened the curtains as he slowly stirred from his sleep.

 

“Hello, hello,” Isaac said in a soft, easy tone. “I’m… Uh oh.” Isaac immediately went into action when he saw the other start to suffer withdrawal symptoms. Considering the state he was in last night it would be detrimental if this were to occur now. Isaac took his arm and inserted a needle, expertly finding the vein from experience and training. “Shhh, shhh. This will help. Just relax now, buddy. You’re fine.”

 

He leaned over the other, looking him in his bloodshot eyes. “I’m Isaac. I’m here to help you. You’re going to be okay, alright? Just relax now. If there’s some family we can call just tell us and we’ll get them here immediately, okay?”

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Cassiel's muscles tensed when he felt the tip of a needle piercing his skin. Out of instinct, he expected to feel the blissful high in just a few moments. He didn't get that. It took him a while to realize that whatever was inserted into his blood wasn't any drug. Quite frankly, that upset him more than anything. Tears slowly welled in his eyes both from the disappointment and the pain, which didn't seem to be going anywhere. Whatever Isaac had given him wasn't nearly enough to help him. Nothing could completely take away the withdrawal symptoms aside from a new dose.

 

Cassiel's body trembled, his eyes opening and closing without any rhythm. He knew something was being said, but most of the nurse's words didn't register in his hazy mind. If he didn't say anything, they couldn't toss him out. They couldn't make him leave, because they'd think he had money to pay for treatment. So... He'd just stay quiet. It wasn't hard to do, either way. Cassiel felt his sight getting blurry again. Oh... He was falling asleep, wasn't he? When he fell asleep out on the street, he knew he was dead for some time. The doctors brought him back to life, but who asked them to do that? Cassiel didn't want to be alive.

 

It seemed his body understood his wish. Throughout the following week alone Cassiel had four seizures, one heart attack, while constantly nauseous. His body could barely handle the stress put on it from the sudden withdrawal, resulting in him being unable to communicate whatsoever. Whenever he was conscious, or at least semi-conscious, the most he could do was ask for water. The rest had to be fed to him with a feeding tube. It really wasn't a pretty sight.

 

Still, it all came to an end, at last. After a week, his symptoms started lessening, he could finally ingest small amounts of food by himself, although he still felt extremely nauseous and tired. After the worst part passed, the biggest concern was his dehydration. But, at least now he could talk, even if only a little bit.

 

This morning, he was laying idly in bed, his lips parting with heavy breaths. He was covered in sweat, as usual, so he felt both cold and hot at the same time. He would have killed for a dose. His eyes moved to the clock, following the seconds' handle. It was near the time his nurse would come in and check on him. Two more minutes, if he was on schedule. Cassiel had grown to like the presence of this man. He was always calm, cool, relaxed even. When he could understand what was happening around him, Cassiel appreciated any amount of relaxation he could get. Isaac was a lot better than people running around him, shouting unintelligible things to one another. He knew he should have been dead by now. The doctors had already brought him back from death twice. He doubted it could happen another time... That fact was both tempting and scaring.

 

Cassiel was sure that by now everyone had seen the massive scars over his wrists, some made with the clear intent to commit suicide. Other scars went over his forearms, right up until his elbow, which was where the puncture wounds were. The man breathed out a little bit slower, trying to calm down his heartbeat. It never got back to normal. It annoyed him, mostly, because this was what happened when he consumed cocaine. His heart would speed up, so feeling it made him expect a high, which never came. He was sick and tired of being in here. He didn't deserve to be in here. He didn't even deserve to be alive, after all... Why did everyone insist on keeping him alive when he didn't want that? Weren't doctors supposed to help people?

[ACuckoo]

The past week had been rough for Isaac’s newest charge. By all accounts the man should be dead and yet here he was. The doctors and nurses all worked hard to save him, but Isaac wondered if the man even wanted to be saved. Taking into account all the cuts on his arms and the clear attempts of suicide, there was little this man had to live for.

 

Still, it was a nurse’s job to save lives, and Isaac was determined to do just that. The break room was again empty as he contemplated all of this. He hadn’t even realized he had finished eating his banana. It was hardly his job to give this man’s life any meaning, but it was in Isaac’s nature to make people smile. A smile would be hard to get from this patient. All of the pain and suffering he had been through this week had to have been a reflection of his life. The cards dealt him a bad hand.

 

He yawned as he looked at the clock. It was only midway through his shift. The day was going by slowly even when he had done so much work already. With his break nearing it’s end he stretched, threw away the banana peel, and took out his headphones. It was time to see his John Doe. He reached into his pocket to make sure he had the little present for his patient and headed to his room. When inside he smiled at the man.

 

“Hey there,” he said, a smile gracing his features. “What’s up?” Isaac looked over at the television which was off. When it was on he wondered if another nurse had turned it on or if the patient had. The man didn’t seem like a TV watcher. He picked up the clipboard that hung on the end of the bed and took a look at it.

 

“Seems like you’re stabilizing a bit. Just a bit. I won't lie to you, man. You’ve got a long way to go if you’re going to try to recover, but it’s doable. We’ll help you out.” He set the clipboard down and pointed to the lifeless television. “Not a TV watcher? Me neither. I prefer to listen to music.” He made his way around the bed and started to fiddle with all of the wires and the IV and the medicines, making sure they were exactly how they were supposed to be.

 

“In fact, I like music so much I thought you could some in this dreary room.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, purple ipod. It was an older model with a small screen, but looked as pristine as the day it was bought. “I’ve been holding onto this for… Jeez, I don’t remember how long. It’s yours now. Keep it a secret, okay? We’re not allowed to give presents and stuff like that to patients, but you’re gonna be here a while. Thought you could use some entertainment. There’s only orchestra music on there right now, but I’ll update it every week for you. The orchestra pieces should calm you down some. Put you in the zone a bit, you know?”

 

He handed the other a pair of white headphones as well. “You might need these.”

 

Once he had checked everything from the equipment to his patient’s vitals, he stuck his hands in his pocket and nodded at the other. “Well, you know my name. I think it’s time you told us yours. Only fair, right? It’s been rough for you so we haven’t bothered to bog you down with questions and such, but I think I can ask something that simple, right?” So far no one had gotten much communication out of the patient, understandably so. Even when moments were calm and easy, Isaac feared asking him much of anything. He seemed so out of it… Now that he appeared more aware, more stable, he could at least ask for a name.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

The door opened just in time. Cassiel's eyes moved to the handle when it shifted to open the door, letting the nurse step inside. Unconsciously, his cracked lips stretched out into a faint smile. Isaac really was his favorite nurse. He never judged him, he didn't look down on him - but he also didn't show too much pity. Isaac was incredible, at least in Cassiel's eyes. Plus... He felt like he knew his voice. It was always so warm and relaxing. Cassiel tried desperately to remember how he knew this man whenever he had enough consciousness, but he never came to any conclusion. All he knew was that he felt drawn to him. It probably wasn't good for either one of them, but... Isaac kept him looking forward to something each day. It was more than anyone managed to do for him so far.

 

Cassiel's eyes slowly slid closed as he focused on the nurse's voice. Yes... As always, it was soothing to listen to. He liked the sound of it so much, he could barely focus on what was being said. Cassiel would have answered if he was sure he could, but it didn't seem worth to even try, not with subjects as casual as that. It was true that he didn't like the TV being on. As a matter of fact, he preferred everything in his room to be as quiet as possible, with the blinds down as well. Isaac was the only one who could make sound that didn't annoy him. So... When he was presented with a gift, Cassiel was a little bit torn. He certainly appreciated it, but he doubted he would actually listen to music, at least not while he still had that annoying dull headache. Even so, the man slowly reached out, giving a light appreciative nod before pushing the iPod underneath his pillow. No one could take it from him.

 

Cassiel's eyes closed again at the following words. He... Didn't want to say his name out loud. He didn't want for people to know how pathetic his situation really was. But he couldn't stay quiet, not when Isaac was expecting something from him. He had to repay the man somehow, even if it was just this. He felt in debt, and that wasn't necessarily a good feeling. "Ca-..." His voice was still weak, still hoarse, but he was trying. "Cassiel... Cassiel Co-Coburn." He managed to breathe out his name, a short coughing fit following right after. His throat felt so dry. Well... Now that his name was out, they would most likely try to find information about him. If they found his parents... Well, they would most likely deny even having a son. His relationship with them was doomed the moment he came out as gay. It was even worse when they learned that their son was homeless. Did they offer him any help? Of course not. Instead, he was erased from the family, like he never existed in the first place. It still upset him, of course it did, but there was nothing he could do about it. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to do something about it.

[ACuckoo]

“Cassiel Coburn.” The moment his name was said the memories flooded back to Isaac like a strong wave crashing onto the shore. He remembered this man. He was kind. Playful. He remembered him smiling, and with friends, and enjoying life to the fullest. Where did all of that go? How had he wound up like this, here in the hospital suffering from withdrawals and hardly able to speak?

 

Speaking of, when Cassiel started coughing Isaac grabbed the glass of water on the stand next to the bed and had it ready for when his fit slowed down. He held a straw to the other’s lips. “Drink up,” he told him, refusing to move until he did. When Cassiel had had enough, which really wasn’t enough for Isaac but he accepted it, he set the glass back down and looked at the patient with his hands in his pocket. He held off on reminding Cassiel that they used to be classmates; there was so much more for the other man to think about right now.

 

“It’s nice to meet you, Cassiel,” he said with a small, soft smile. “Now that we know your name you’ll have a few options available to you as far as how you want to proceed. But that can wait. You still have a lot more resting up to do before you decide anything.” No need to overwhelm the man quite yet. The doctors will be responsible for that when the times comes. The first rule of nursing was to never get attached, but Isaac would be lying if he said that he didn’t feel some sort of connection with Cassiel. Even if his “connection” was just a preference for him over the other patients, he didn’t like the idea of Cassiel being bothered by other nurses or doctors or being forced to think about his medical future when all he really needed was a helping hand.

 

Isaac walked around to some of the other machines, glancing at the numbers that appeared on them. These visits never lasted long and Isaac was looking for a reason to stick around. It always left him feeling guilty to leave Cassiel alone when it was clear he desperately needed someone to care about him. He sighed, closing his eyes as he thought about that ever so important rule and how strongly he was breaking it.

 

“Oh, what’s this?” When he opened his eyes again, they caught the number on the pulse reader. He smiled, taking Cassiel’s hand in his own as he placed two fingers against his pulse to confirm the reader. He nodded, looking as proud as a father. “That’s what I’m talking about,” he said more to himself than Cassiel.

 

“Perhaps that coughing fit did you some good.” He shrugged, knowing that had nothing to do with the other’s now perfectly steady pulse. He was sure it would surge back up or down, but it was nice to see it stable for once. “You just might make it out of these harsh waters. Well…” Isaac cast his eyes towards Cassiel; this man had probably been swimming in harsh waters for years now. It would take more than a nice sounding pulse to free him, but….

 

“Any little bit is a step forward.” He recorded his pulse time on the clipboard and then slid his hands back in his pocket as he stood at the end of the bed. “Did you need anything before I make my next round, Cassiel? Your diet allows you popsicles. You want? I’ll sneak you one if you want. Something to snack on before lunch.”

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Cassiel's lips closed around the straw, weakly taking in the water. His throat still felt so dry, even after spending so much time in the hospital. It was like Isaac knew what he needed... It was almost like Isaac knew him. Everything was still too big of a blur for him to have noticed the nurse's reaction to hearing his name, and even if he had noticed it, he probably wouldn't have connected the dots himself. It wasn't that he didn't remember Isaac - he did - but he didn't think he would ever connect with his past life, even with such a small detail. The two of them didn't really talk all that much, but Cassiel had always found Isaac's aura to be soothing, just as right now. He'd always liked the man... Maybe even more than he dared to admit. Even so, he moved on, he found another man to love... Which didn't work out, of course. Death wasn't a very understanding thing when it came to relationships, so it had to end.

 

Cassiel watched the nurse walk around with the same faint smile tugging at his lips. His features seemed to soften as Isaac took notice of his pulse. He knew it wouldn't stay that way for long, but... Isaac really could make him feel better. Cassiel tilted his head slightly, looking at the other as he stood at the end of his bed. With his smile widening slightly, the man nodded. Hey, he'd appreciate any small pleasure he could indulge in before he was thrown back out on the street... That was bound to happen once they figured out he had no money and his family disowned him. Maybe someone would take pity on him, take him in, give him some drugs to calm him down again... Maybe then he would find the courage to finish the job and get out of this life for good.

 

"Thank... You..." He whispered softly, slowly reaching underneath his pillow, pulling out the iPod. He struggled a bit with plugging the jack in as his fingers still felt numb, but he managed after a little bit. It took more effort to get the earphones in, however. After putting one in, he decided it would be good enough. If it was quiet enough, he shouldn't find the music irritating... Hopefully. He turned the device on and closed his eyes, relaxing against the pillows as much as someone in his situation could. He almost felt happy, even if just for a short moment. God knows he would have done anything to feel actually happy again... He hadn't felt that for a long time. His fiance died along with his good emotions, it seemed. Lord... He missed Evan every single day he lived.

 

Tears collected underneath his eyelids as his thoughts, albeit blurry, drifted off to his ex-lover. He was truly the most wonderful thing to happen in Cassiel's life. Understanding, helpful, handsome... Sure, they had their fights, they had their differences, but when faced with someone you truly love, you could admit your wrongs. Cassiel felt warm tears slowly rolling down his cheeks as he clutched onto the iPod, his throat constricted as he tried not to let any sound out. He would never get over it, would he?

[ACuckoo]

It didn’t take Isaac long to navigate the confusing and sporadic halls of the hospital to make his way to the kitchen. The cooks all waved to him and checked in on him, asking if he was fed and taken care of. He laughed them off, patting each and every one of them on the back and greeting them individually as he walked passed them. “Just stealing some treats for a patient,” he told them as he dipped into the freezer and pulled out two red popsicles. “No blue ones?” he asked with a pout. Everyone knew the blue ones were his favorite.

 

After saying goodbye to the kitchen staff he made his way back to Cassiel’s room. He smiled as he noticed the other listening to the iPod he had given him, though the smile quickly faded when he saw the tears rolling down his patient's cheek. Tears were probably the only thing Cassiel had. Tears and memories to keep him company. Still, if Isaac were in the other man’s position he wouldn’t want someone looking down at him with pity. Instead he pulled a chair up to the bed and opened one of the popsicles, handing it to Cassiel.

 

“Temporary pain reliever,” he said. “Very temporary, but we can’t be picky, right?” Hopefully the sweet taste would help Cassiel forget whatever he was remembering, if only for a moment.

 

Isaac opened his own popsicle and licked it, flinching slightly at the taste. “I’m not used to the red ones myself. I like the blue ones, but they were out. Someone didn’t inventory right.” He shook his head, taking the plunge to suck on the red popsicle as if it were a blue one. As he ate his popsicle he looked down at the music device and chuckled when he saw what song was playing.

 

“Pavane pour une Infante Défunte. Translated as Pavane for a Dead Princess. I love this song, Cassiel. I cry every time I hear it. Every single time, so I don’t listen to it often. It’s funny. The title is really dramatic, isn’t it? And the song itself has so much emotion in it. When I first heard it I thought to myself ‘I can feel this man’s dedication to his princess. Even if he didn’t know her he gave her this beautiful song and I feel like I miss her myself.’ Then I looked up the song’s backstory and you know what the composer said? He said, ‘I simply liked the sound of those words and I put them there. C’est tout.’ That’s all.” Isaac laughed at the memory and shook his head at his own ignorance. “He eventually dedicated it to someone, but it’s not as special as all that. Still, I think that made me love the song even more in a way.”

 

He sighed as he started to slowly lick the popsicle, unable to dedicate himself to it fully. “Well, I’ve talked enough. Sorry. When I get to talking about music I can’t stop. It’s a bad habit.”

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Cassiel managed to forget Isaac's promise to get popsicles. Or, rather, he didn't expect him to be back with them right then. As the nurse sat down next to the bed, he startled Cassiel, his eyes shooting open as he stared at the man in front of him. At that moment, it finally clicked in his head where he'd heard and seen him before. Oh, God... Fate loved to make him suffer, didn't it?

 

He took the treat with a shaky hand, pulling the earphone out of his ear with the other. He couldn't stop staring at his nurse. Did Isaac even remember him? He tried to focus on whatever he was saying, but every word just passed through his head, leaving no shadow behind. How was he supposed to bring this up? There seemed to be a million thoughts swirling around in Cassiel's head as he turned his gaze away from Isaac to the ice cream. He actually seemed a little bit scared. Or, at the very least, uncomfortable.

 

"I-... R-Remember you." He squeezed out, casting his gaze down. He still hadn't even touched his popsicle, which had begun to melt slightly. "Same class... Right?" Cassiel asked hesitantly, slowly moving his gaze back up to the man. How different their lives ended up being. Wasn't it curious? Hell, he could have been just as successful as Isaac if life hadn't turned so horrible for him. Evan dying was the moment everything in his life turned dark, horrible. Up until that point he was so happy, he had goals, ambitions, he could still... Feel something. Nowadays he either felt numb or in pain. Sometimes he wasn't sure which was worse. Those were the days he usually got more scars.

 

He should have died along with Evan. At least they would still be together. Cassiel's eyes filled up with tears once again as the popsicle slid out of his shaky fingers. He moved his hand up to his face, as if trying to hide it, weak hiccups parting his lips as his shoulders shook. Seeing Isaac just brought back the memories of the wonderful life he had before. He couldn't take it. He didn't really have anything to live for now anyway... He didn't have a family, he didn't have a home, he didn't have friends, a job, any hobbies, any ambitions... He wasn't even living, just existing. He didn't want to do it anymore. Cassiel wanted to beg for that blissful dose of morphine that would first lull him to sleep and finally stop his heart, but he couldn't form any words. As a matter of fact, he found himself barely able to breathe. He felt like he was suffocating - maybe he was, maybe this was just a panic attack... He hoped he was suffocating, however. All he wanted to get right now was death.

[ACuckoo]

"I-... R-Remember you."

 

Isaac watched as Cassiel began to deteriorate right before his eyes. The sweet treat that fell from Cassiel’s hands fell onto the bed and Isaac immediately picked it up and set on the empty dresser beside the bed. Every little piece of Cassiel’s body began to shake and tremble. His eyes were wide and before he covered them Isaac could practically see the other’s life flash in them. He saw him remembering his days when they were young, carefree, full of life and ambition. Then he saw his remembrance of as those light days turned dark. People often fell on hard times and sometimes they could pull themselves out of it. Sometimes they couldn’t. Sometimes they didn’t want to.

 

Isaac believed Cassiel was a combination of all three.

 

Setting his own popsicle on the dresser, Isaac gently held Cassiel by his shoulders. If his panic attack worsened the monitors would go off and other nurses would come in, making the poor thing panic even more.

 

“Shh, shh,” Isaac hushed him, looking at him calmly even though the other couldn’t see him. “Don’t freak out on me now, Cassiel.” He kept his voice soft and as comforting as he could manage. “You’re okay. You’re okay.” His eyes darted from the monitors to Cassiel, watching both to make sure his vitals were fine even his mind currently wasn’t.

 

“Don’t be so nervous. It’s okay. I’m… I’m happy to see you again after all these years. You’ve fallen on some hard times, I know. But it’s always nice to see an old friend. It feels good to help one too. You’ve suffered a lot so now it’s time for someone to see to it that you’re taken care of.”

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Cassiel could feel the walls of the room close up on him, constricting his chest to the point where he could hardly breathe. His cheeks were wet with tears as he gasped for air, his pulse beginning to speed up further and further. Feeling hands on his shoulders just made it worse. They may have been only a gentle touch, but in his state of mind, they felt no better than hot iron pressed against his bare skin. Cassiel's body shuddered as he tried to get the hands off of him, still too weak to move properly. The words that Isaac was saying didn't even reach his mind. It was like he was behind a thick shield, prohibiting any outside noise from coming through. He focused only on himself and his thoughts, which, of course, simply intensified his panic attack.

 

What was he supposed to do now? His life was such a mess. Hell... He didn't even deserve the mess that he had, let alone a proper life. He didn't deserve death, either. It was too good for him. Guess what he deserved was eternal pain, which was what he assumed he was starting to feel now. He didn't know what to do to make it stop. He never knew what to do to make himself feel better. Sweat had begun beading on his forehead as he clawed at his forehead in a desperate attempt to make everything stop. The way he was right now, it wouldn't be hard for him to claw his eye out. Heaving for air, Cassiel tried to move in his bed, letting out a pained sound as he tugged too hard on the IV's, causing one to be torn out of his hand. To think that this was the same man who was a walking ray of sunshine years ago... Funny how people could change.

 

Cassiel couldn't fight off the images flooding his head. Back when he found his lover dead in their home. How he tried to bring him back, how he begged for him to wake up. How he never did. He felt like he was reliving that incident all over again. By now Cassiel was downright sobbing. God, he would have done anything to be with Evan again. Anything at all. If he could focus for long enough, maybe he would find something to stab himself with... But he couldn't even bring himself to look around. His nails dug into the skin around his eyes, sliding down dangerously close to his eyes, which were wide open, tears flowing out of them without a stop. The moment he could leave this place he would finally join Evan. He didn't want to wait any longer to see him... It was enough.

[ACuckoo]

“Oh no you don’t.” Isaac grasped the other’s wrists, seeing that he was about to start scratching at his eyes. Holding him like this he could feel how weak Cassiel was, how his body could hardly fight against the healthy Isaac. It saddened him more than he could imagine. He hadn’t thought about Cassiel in years and now seeing him he wished that he had kept up with him, shot him a text or an email or something. Then maybe he wouldn’t have wound up like this… Maybe he could have been a shoulder for him to lean on…

 

There was no time for regrets though. “I’m so sorry, Cassiel. You’ll forgive me, right?” Isaac wasn’t even sure if the other heard, but it didn’t matter. This was too much for the nurse to handle on his own. Other nurses would surely start to appear because of how crazy the monitors were going off, but he couldn’t wait. Isaac slammed on the nurse call button, then quickly grabbed Cassiel’s hand again. He knew the other would start to panic when he saw other people surrounding him, but there was no other choice.

 

“Shhh, shhhh….” Nothing was working. As hard as Isaac tried to calm the other down, he couldn’t. They had stopped giving him sedatives, but now he would require one. The IV was laying on the floor, his body was thrashing and shaking and trembling, he could hardly comprehend that Isaac was even speaking to him.

 

“I’m sorry,” Isaac whispered again, watching as more nurses took a hold of him so one could inject him with a needle that would relax him. Slowly, Cassiel’s body fell limp and Isaac could handle him on his own, though two nurses stayed with him as he connected the IV, the medicine bags, checked his vitals, everything. With a heavy sigh, Isaac nodded at the other nurses to indicate he was done. He stayed with Cassiel for thirty more minutes to make sure he was okay, then stepped out to the hall to tell the workers to keep an eye on him. The breakroom wasn’t empty this time, but Isaac didn’t see anyone else except Cassiel. He sat down, buried his head in his hands and thought. It was a problem of his… He thought too much or he relaxed too much. There was never an inbetween.

 

Cassiel. Cassiel. Cassiel.

 

It was all Isaac could think about. He knew he could heal the other’s body. That was something he had trained for years to do. But to heal a mind, to cure someone of the heavy burdens that weighed them down, to fix a person who had broken into a million pieces, to rebuild a human being from the core of their soul… How could he do that?

 

He didn’t know. He didn’t know how, but he would try with everything he had inside of him. When he saw Cassiel tomorrow he would begin the process of healing him.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Cassiel's mind got completely taken over with pure panic as more people appeared in the room, all holding him down. He quiet crying turned into full-on sobbing, screaming for help all with a desperate look in his eyes, which were locked onto Isaac. He trashed his body around slower and slower as the drug went into effect, but tears seemed to roll down his cheeks even after his body fell limp. At least like this the man could finally rest, his mind free of the never-ending pain. He didn't dream anything while he was asleep, thankfully. However, sooner or later, he would have to wake up to a nightmare once more.

 

His eyes opened slowly, with his gaze unfocused as he tried to recall what had happened. He... Had a panic attack, right? Cassiel's head turned slowly to his side, noticing the nurse by his side, his head buried in his hands. Oh, no... "Did I hurt someone?" His voice was quiet, and broken. The man sounded both terrified and exhausted, his throat hurting from his previous outburst. He couldn't be blamed for it, however. Panic attacks could not be contained easily, especially not ones that triggered such painful memories. When he was cornered in that way by so many people, Cassiel just felt worse, after all. Thankfully, he hadn't ended up injuring anyone seriously, perhaps a few smacks when he was flailing around, but nothing more. He needed to be sure, though... He was so scared of hurting someone.

 

"I-I'm sorry..." He whispered, tears beginning to well up in his baby blue eyes once more. The man looked so defeated, just as much as he looked scared and sorry at the same time. He wasn't sure he could forgive himself if he did injure someone. Cassiel tried to lift his hand, but found his wrists bound to the bed posts. Oh... That made sense. After going so out of control this suddenly, he was bound to be seen as dangerous. It was probably best if he was chained up. At least that way he couldn't hurt anyone... Right? It was good for everyone. So why did he feel so betrayed? He really felt like crying, but he couldn't ask to be let go. It wouldn't be safe for people... He wasn't safe for others. Isaac probably thought so, too. His lower lip trembled slightly as his eyelids slid closed in an attempt to stop the tears from coming out. He really was pathetic, wasn't he?

[ACuckoo]

"Did I hurt someone?"

 

Had the voice been any lower, Isaac might not have heard it. He slowly lifted his head, unsure if he had actually heard something or not. The answer was right in front of him in the form of melancholic, forlorn eyes that welled with tears. Cassiel…

 

“No.” Isaac shook his head, smiling softly as he stood. “No, you didn’t hurt anyone, Cassiel. Promise.” How could he? Isaac was sure if he held onto his arms too tightly they would snap in half. Sure, there were other ways he could have hurt someone. More than one nurse here had suffered their fair share of bites, others had been headbutted, some had their hair ripped out… But Cassiel did none of those things. He wasn’t out to hurt anyone. He just couldn’t stand to see whatever images his memories like to play for him.

 

“The uhh… The bindings….” It was time for Isaac to explain himself for that one, but he couldn’t be sure Cassiel would forgive him. How insulting was it to wake up and realize you weren’t trusted enough to not be tied down? “I… I made that call. I’m sorry, Cassiel, I just couldn’t risk you hurting yourself when a nurse isn’t around. Earlier you tried….” He raised his hand as if to scratch his eyes, but gave up halfway through. What was the point in being subtle now? “You tried to scratch at your eyes. You could really damage your vision if you did that and if I’m not here to watch you then… Well, I just want to be sure you’ll be okay. I’m sorry.”

 

With all that done, Isaac got to work checking Cassiel’s vitals and looking at the machines whose readings were slightly different now that he was awake. As he worked he wondered if he was the right person to take care of Cassiel. The poor thing clearly couldn’t handle the fact that they had known each other at some point, but again, how insulting was it to suddenly abandon him? Isaac didn’t want to leave him, but if it would be better for Cassiel….

 

God what the fuck was the right answer?

 

“I don’t want to leave you tied up like this, Cassiel. That’s not how one should be treated. We need to start getting your panic attacks under control, but….” But how? That was the job of a psychiatrist and Isaac was a medical nurse. What did he know about controlling someone’s panic attacks outside of doping them up? “I think I’m pretty lost on how to do something like that to be perfectly honest.” He shrugged. “But we’ll make it work, Cassiel. We’ll make it work.”

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Cassiel sniffled softly, although knowing that he hadn't hurt anyone was a relief. But then... Why was he bound to the bed? He was going to ask the question, but it seemed that Isaac understood what he wanted to know already. He'd been trying not to cry, but hell, hearing that the man in front of him didn't trust him was really painful. The two of them knew one another from before... Then again, he understood his reasoning. Didn't mean it hurt any less.

 

Cassiel laid in bed quietly as the nurse checked his vitals, presumably writing them down as well. His lips parted with a shaky sigh as the other began speaking again, his eyes sliding closed. It... He wasn't worth the worry and effort. "What's the point?" He muttered out quietly, opening his eyes again, his lower lip still trembling. "I'm still going to be thrown out of the street. It's not like making my panic attacks go away will suddenly grant me a place to live..." He choked up, taking in a sharp breath.

 

"Why even bother with keeping me here? I don't have money to pay for this. I don't have insurance. I-..." Cassiel's heart rate was beginning to pick up again, signalling his growing anxiety and stress again. "J-Just... Why don't just end it all right here? Me being dead will probably be the best for everyone." He hiccuped softly, squeezing his eyes shut, though even that couldn't stop tears from rolling down his cheeks anymore. Cassiel didn't even know if he actually thought that. Maybe he didn't, seeing how he reacted to his own thoughts. He was still terrified of dying, but if it was from something like morphine... It wouldn't be any worse than falling asleep. He'd just close his eyes and leave. It would be absolutely wonderful... For him, it was the best thing that could be done. At least, from what he could actually think of.

[ACuckoo]

It was hard not to cry. Cassiel’s words hit Isaac like a bullet and it took every ounce of willpower to not cry. Nurses didn’t cry. They couldn’t. They had to be strong every day for every patient no matter how tough it was. Isaac couldn’t be weak when Cassiel was. The man needed someone to lean on, someone to take care of him, someone to remind him that life was worth it even when it seemed like nothing would ever come from caring. Isaac knew he could be that person… He knew it. He just had to try. But how? It wasn’t like Cassiel was lying. Who the hell would pay for this? The hospital wouldn’t continue to treat him once he was finally stable. Then where would Cassiel go….

 

“I have a little puppy….” Isaac said slowly, his voice cracking slightly to which he immediately cleared his throat. “A husky puppy. His name is Midnight. I just got him about two weeks ago. He pees all over the place and he chews on my furniture and I let him sleep in my bed so when I wake up he’s right on top of my face. He licks me all the time; god he’s forever licking me.” Isaac chuckled as he sat back down beside Cassiel again. “He’s four months old. His brothers and sisters were all abandoned in the street. They were all skinny and flea-ridden and tired and hungry… They would have died had someone not found them and brought them to the vet. I got Midnight just as a companion. He was scared for the first few days but now it’s like he doesn’t even remember those dark times. And I love him to pieces. I mean, he’s just a dog right?” Isaac shook his head. “No, no he’s my buddy. My little buddy. And I love him, man.”

 

Isaac’s smile grew as he regarded Cassiel. Carefully so as not to hurt or startle the other, he undid the bounds on one of Cassiel’s hands and held it in his own. It was so thin and tiny Isaac thought it would shatter if he squeezed any harder than he already was. “My point, Cassiel, is that…” he paused, taking a moment to look into those dull, lifeless eyes. “It’s that you can’t die without meeting my puppy.” He lowered his voice just a bit, sighing as he continued to speak knowing that all he was saying was probably only hurting this broken man even more. But he had to try. “Midnight won’t pay for this hospital visit. He won’t pay for future hospital visits. He won’t make you believe that you don’t deserve to live this way. But he’s damn cute. And you being dead won’t be best for everyone because it won’t be best for him. He’ll want to play with you. He’ll want you to hold him. You can’t do that if you’re dead. Midnight wouldn’t want you dead, and I… I don’t want you dead. I want you to meet my puppy. I want you to have dinner with us. I want you to listen to music with us. Don’t deny me or Midnight that opportunity.”

 

He was asking a lot, he knew this. He knew that this was pressure he was putting on Cassiel, but he also hoped that Cassiel would see a little spark of light. He hoped that Cassiel would see just a small, a very small reason to keep on going. For Isaac this was all he could do. It wasn’t exactly legal to invite patients to stay with him, but there were no rules against asking a patient to play with his dog. If Cassiel agreed then it was his in… It was all Isaac needed to bring him to his house and take care of him, to help his fallen man. Just a “yes.” Just an “okay.” Just agree, Cassiel, Isaac thought. Just agree.

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Cassiel was definitely surprised at the sudden topic of the nurse's dog. Was he trying to distract him? Even if he tried to resist, he couldn't. While the story didn't make him happy, it helped him calm down at the very least. He flinched as his hand was touched, eyes flying open as he hadn't expected Isaac to undo his bindings. He could feel his throat clenching up at the words said next. It took all he had to keep himself from straight-up sobbing. His eyes still watered as he looked up at the nurse, his lower lip trembling slightly. He wasn't even sure he could return to life.

 

"I... I don't have anything, though... Why would you do something for me?" He asked in a shaky, yet desperate voice. He would require lots of help to climb out of the dark pit of depression he was currently in. It would take him a while to even begin clawing his way out, but even the fact that he never had the courage to finish up a suicide attempt meant that there was still that tiny flicker of hope inside of him. That small part of him that clung to any possibility of living again, as opposed to simply existing with hopes that the days will simply pass until he died.

 

Cassiel hiccuped softly, his fingers squeezing weakly around Isaac's hand. "This means... Everything to me." He whispered quietly, tears slowly rolling down his cheeks. To think that fate would bring him here, where his old classmate worked... To think that he would be saved here, that he would be given hope again - perhaps, he could even restart his life altogether. Cassiel was still scared of hoping for too much. Everything he once had fell apart in mere months, after all. Who knew how long this could last.

 

((I'm really sorry for taking so long to reply. School is beginning to take up more and more of my time and stress has been adding up as well. It's very likely that I won't be quite as active as I used to be until July or so, when all my exams will have finished. I hope you can be patient with me