I'm Too Awkward (gacktluvr & Raychu) [18+]

[gacktluvr]

"I'm probably way more inexperienced at this than you are, so don't worry about it." He'd originally thought maybe they'd switch off on paying for dates, but going splits seemed just as good an idea, if not better. There was no telling when Eishi would fuck it up, after all. "I just screamed my feelings at you...what, twice now?" The idea of confessing something even close to love--the idea made his cheeks flush dark even--had sent him into a panic, voice raising despite himself every time the topic was brought up. "I'm pretty much as awkward as it comes. And...needy." He didn't mean it in a sexual way, although it was the truth. He just liked being touched, in even the most innocent of ways. It helped to keep him calm.

 

Dexter's hair between his fingers had been a grounding force for him, although he'd had to let go as Dexter slapped himself without warning. He didn't want to pull on his hair after all, hands held in the air awkwardly as he watched to make sure he was alright.

 

"You can take as many pictures as you want, but you might want to steer clear of bedroom shots. Everything will get swallowed up in the mess." The only reason his home looked livable right now was because his bedroom door was closed. Beyond laid a mess Eishi had taken care not to mention previously.

 

Clothes were organized into two piles--dirty and wrinkled (but clean)--and art supplies took up practically an entire wall. An easel was place in the corner of his room, his work-in-progress covered with an old, holely, but otherwise clean shirt. He didn't want the sun to bleach any of the colors, and his sheets were currently piled on his bed. Spots of paint could be seen here and there on some of them, including a green hand print where Eishi had fallen asleep one morning. Somewhere there was a shirt with a matching green smear.

 

He probably should have used that one to cover his work, but he'd been in a rush.

 

The rest of his works were stacked on a shelf just at the end of his bed, where Eishi could go from sleeping to sketching with minimal difficulty.

 

He blushed dark as the door stuck halfway open, a crumpled up shirt from the dirty pile blocking its path. He was almost too embarrassed to turn on the light. Almost. "I...mostly live in my room, so it's actually pretty awful..." He could feel his cheeks burning hot, not looking back at Dexter as he was forced to move out of the way. Now his mess was on full display for the other to see...

[Raychu]

It gave Dexter more confidence knowing they both were inexperienced when it came to this. Yes, he knew how to kiss, that was the extent of his knowledge. He didn't know what to do in bed or how to even initiate it. Dating on the other hand was foreign. He never understood the concept of it in general. Romance was a weird thing. A complicated subject. Had romance been a class to take in school, he would've flunked. The blond was far from the romantic type of person. Popularity only brought people to try and romance him. That taught him nothing.

 

"Stop defending yourself. There's no need to be conscious of how messy your room is. As I said, mine is most likely no better," he reassured him, ruffling his hair gently as he stepped inside. The room indeed was messy, just like how Dexter's was, except better. The room wasn't that bad. It could've been worse. Boxes could've been falling on top of him the moment they stepped in the room. It was nice... A home sort of vibe came off from it.

 

Stepping towards the works at the end of the bed, he just stared. "This is amazing." Was all he could muster up to say. He gently picked up one of his sketches, mesmerized by the lines. The blond was never really an artist. The most he was able to do was photography because he just had to snap a photo. These... These took time, patience, and effort. These were made by Eishi's hands. Nothing could describe the work except beautiful.

 

"You are amazing. Here I was excited over my photography. The way you draw... It's... Shit, I can't just describe it with words. You really are just amazing," he laughed, putting the piece down gently. Walking back towards Eishi, he smiled widely. Pictures didn't speak as many words as a drawing could. If a picture spoke a thousand words, a drawing spoke ten thousand.

 

"Eishi, your art is wonderful. I feel so full of emotions just seeing one piece. What have you done to me? I feel like I could fall head-over-heels for you right now. We wouldn't just be compatible, I'd be in love." Holding his smile, he pressed their foreheads together gently. Maybe dating wouldn't be as bad as he made it out to be. Up until now, he hadn't found the right person to give a proper chance.

[gacktluvr]

"Wh-what?" Eishi was bright red, flustered by his words of praise. "N-no, it's... It's nothing that special..." His flustered panic turned into a subtle, burning embarrassment as he looked into Dexter's eyes. Hands came to either side of Dexter's face, feeling the upturn of his cheeks with a shy smile of his own. "If that were true it'd make me happy, but I think you're overreacting." His nose brushed against Dexter's lightly.

 

"I think photography is way more impressive than you give it credit. I can always change things to make them look better. If there's a bug on a leaf or something I can just pretend it isn't there. You have to work with it. That's way more impressive than changing things to suit your mood like I do." He had never been someone who dabbled in photography (after all, drawing from a photo just wasn't the same) but right now he was overcome with the desire to take a picture. He would never be able to capture Dexter's actual beauty on paper. It would always be flawed somehow. A picture could only enhance what was really there...

 

"I want to draw." His fingers brushed over Dexter's skin, sliding down over the side of his neck slowly as his eyes followed their path. "I want to draw this. It's weird, isn't it?" His fingers stopped at his collar bone, working their way back up over the muscles of his throat in a daze. He was mapping each dip and curve in his skin, etching Dexter's features into his mind.

 

"You're right here where I can touch you, but my fingers are itching to draw." His fingers traced the shape of his jaw, up to his earlobes. He was whispering, sliding into a daze. When it came to the shape of Dexter's lips he didn't hesitate to close the little bit of distance between them, kissing him softly once more.

[Raychu]

Dexter was far from overreacting. Every word he said was laced with heartfelt honesty. He wouldn't praise someone like that as an exaggeration, that'd be an insult to them. He was praising the other because he truly felt this way. Each line precisely drawn to his own artistic perfection. The blond admired how patient someone had to be to create the desired picture they wanted. Erase, redraw, and constantly reform their work. All Dexter was capable of was adding textures and photo-shopping things he didn't like. Since that'd become a habit, it only took around ten minutes. Not that much time wasted on his photos.

 

When the other began to moves his fingers along his body, he closed his eyes. The places Eishi touched felt hot, only to be cooled by the air around them. How could someone make him feel this way? People were just people. Eishi apparently was more than a person who stood in the crowd and fawned over him. He was... Bolder? Not quite, even if the kiss was signifying something different. He had a different aura around him. One that was more pleasant, not pretending to be someone else. He was acting natural with the blond. That made him happy.

 

The moment their lips touched, he leaned in to deepen it. A kiss shouldn't feel the way this one was feeling. It should just be the feeling of lips on lips, nothing more. Somehow this kiss made him crave more. More that he shouldn't be wanting. Would Eishi even want him to kiss him like that? Touch him like that? He was afraid to ask. If he got rejected, he wouldn't know what to do, and begin behaving differently. Dexter needed to be mature about this.

 

"I'd love for you to draw me. I want to see myself through your eyes," he murmured as he pulled back slightly, leaving a small distance for them to close if they kissed again. His eyes flitted open, staring at the beautiful face. How was he handsome compared to this man? He wasn't. Had he walked out with him in public, everyone would be all over him. He stiffened up just thinking about it. People would be swarming around Eishi, admiring his beauty, confessing their attraction. That absolutely could not happen. The redhead was his first. He was going to be possessive of this man, especially since he was easy on the eyes.

 

Dexter put himself in a bad mood imagining the people that would attach to Eishi like a parasite. Pouting, he sighed. "Could I maybe leave a hickey on you? I just-... You're really gorgeous and if you go out into public with me, and that's ever, people will definitely notice as well. I mean, look at you, you are just so pretty. Is that demeaning? Sorry. Leaving one will make me feel better. That way I know that you are mine- Wait? Am I assuming? Oopsie."

[gacktluvr]

A hickey? Honestly, Eishi had been fighting the urge to do the same, eyes constantly landing on spots he'd wanted to mark. His fingers had touched where his lips had wanted to go, drawn to areas he thought might draw the most pleasing reactions. He wanted to reassure Dexter that it was okay to assume in this case, burt words failed him. He only nodded wordlessly, deceptively calm even as his heart raced and his face burned. If he hadn't been so eager maybe he would have teased him a little bit. Reminded him that they'd drawn boundaries on how far their artistic appreciation for one another could go--and that those boundaries had revolved around one very large, very gaudy movie prop.

 

He had all sorts of stupid retorts lined up in his head but for now he remained silent, removing his hands from Dexter's face as he straightened to remove his shirt. He tossed it in what he hoped was the direction of his dirty clothes, smiling sheepishly. There really was nothing spectacular about Eishi once you moved past his face, his frame slender and without much definition. He didn't have the curves of a well proportioned woman or the muscles of an active man. In fact, the only positive thing he could say about his physique was that he was neither too skinny nor fat, the skin of his stomach stretched pleasantly over just the faintest hint of muscles.

 

"I'm afraid there's not much to look at, if you were hoping for any topless photos. You'll have to rely on your own skills to make this part of me worth looking at. Of course, marking anywhere below my neck won't serve as a warning to anyone. I just thought...since you were here and my shirt would probably get in the way.."

 

That was a lie. He just wanted Dexter to look at him. Even if his lips never wandered lower than his shoulders, that was fine. He'd be touched by his gaze at the very least. Maybe even his hands.

 

"I'm going to be monopolizing a lot of your time after this, so go ahead and knock yourself out. Even drawing a small part of you could take me a half hour or more, depending." He sat on the edge of his bed, scooting back so he could make room for Dexter as well. "Make sure you have at least an hour's worth of fun while I'm still able to keep my hands still."

 

The feel of Dexter's skin was still fresh in his mind, begging to be expressed in his usual way. Words were complicated, even when thinking to yourself. Transferring the image your words were trying to describe was far easier, and infinitely more beautiful.

[Raychu]

No need to question why the other took his shirt off. Dexter was up for looking beneath the clothes... In the most innocent of ways. Nothing dirty about this. He was just admiring the redhead's beauty. That was all. They did make previous jokes about taking picture of Eishi naked- if that ever even happened- this would prepare him for that to happen. He wasn't going to let himself taint this moment with his dirty thoughts. He was better than that. The blond was just mesmerized by how good looking Eishi was. No he wasn't muscular, he still was attractive. Well, days before he wouldn't known to have handle thinking a man was this attractive. Woman were nice in some ways, never enough. Apparently men were better eye candy to gawk at.

 

"Yeah. I- Uh, I will," he said quietly, just staring. It took him a few moments to realize the other had made room for him on the bed to do as he pleased. Leaving marks seemed like a bad idea. Marking his perfect skin almost felt wrong. This happened to be so wrong it was right. Dexter was never a reckless person, throwing himself into these sort of situations. That was on one of his normal days. Today was far from normal, he was far from normal.

 

Climbing on the bed, he reached his hand out, placing his hand on Eishi's chest. Slowly his fingertips moved down, stopping just before his pants, before moving back up. His hand traveled up to the other's neck before quickly pulling his hand away. This wasn't some free touch session. He had other plans. Other things to do. Not this.

 

Leaning forward, he trailed his tongue up the side of Eishi's neck. He kissed a spot he wanted to mark before gently beginning to suck. Gentle turned rougher before gently biting down. Pulling back, he was satisfied by the mark he left, a pleased look on his face. Dexter began moving down, leaving multiple marks on his neck. Reaching Eishi's collarbone, he gently bit before licking, like a dog. Pulling up, he wiped his lips of any remains of saliva, focusing his eyes on the shirt that covered one of the redhead's various works.

 

"Was that bad? I'm sorry, I don't exactly do this on a daily basis," he murmured, running his fingers through his hair. Did he even properly leave a mark? With his luck, most likely not. At least he gave a decent effort. On the upside, he got to touch the other. An innocent touch. Nothing more.

[gacktluvr]

Eishi was blushing lightly as Dexter stared, shifting to lean back on one arm as he waited with baited breath. At least Dex seemed to enjoy it, even if Eishi didn't get it himself. There was nothing much worth looking at, except for maybe his nipples? And nipples on men were... pointless. Would anyone even consider them attractive? Did people consider them attractive on women? He'd never been interested, so he wouldn't know. Did Dexter find them attractive? Would he be interested in Dexter's?

 

Pointless thoughts were flung out the window the instant Dexter touched him, a soft noise on his lips. It felt different than he'd thought it would, body rolling slightly into the warmth of his hand. He had expected something way more intense--something almost terrifying--but this was somehow better. A jump of muscles under warm skin, followed by a pleasant warmth that pooled in his stomach.

 

His own hand reached to thread through Dexter's hair, a pleasant smile on his face as his eyes slid closed. The feel of hands was unbelievably pleasant, his hips rolling up slightly with a blush as they wandered low. A sigh passed his lips as they traveled back up over his skin, his own fingers traveling down to the nape of Dexter's neck.

 

"A-ah..." He squirmed slightly at the gentle suck at his neck, tipping his head to the side. A slight tingling traveled down his spine all the way to the tips of his toes, fingers curling in Dexter's hair and lightly scraping fingernails over his skin. He was being marked... Anyone who looked at him would know he had this beautiful man's affection...

 

"It's...fine." His skin still tingled where Dexter had first marked him, fingers moving to feel it for himself with a shy smile. "I'm actually pretty happy about it, really." His mind had been practically wiped clean with the sensation of Dexter's hands and lips, licking his own lips slowly. For the first time in his life the desire to be with someone else had completely wiped away his artistic urges, fingers no longer itching to draw. They wanted to touch Dexter instead, his eyes wandering over the exposed skin of his neck as well.

 

"Can I..." His hand slid down from Dexter's mark, joining the other on the bed as he struggled for the words he wanted to say. He was trying to be smooth here, instead of devolving into the fumbling mess he usually was in such personal situations. Not that he'd ever been in a situation like this before.

 

"I want to mark you, too."

[Raychu]

Dexter was just as pleased as Eishi with the mark. Why did he feel the urge to do this? He was completely going against everything he's said so far. Romance, sex, everything. He rejected that woman because he found this to be a hassle. No, not with this redhead. Why? What did this all mean? The problem wasn't even the fact that Eishi was a man, instead, his problem was the fact he was doing this without having a clear cut reason. This was making his life extremely difficult. Well, not really. This was just making his mind a muddled mess.

 

"Mark... me?" Dexter didn't know what to say to that. He was pleased to know the other wanted to mark him as well. This should ward off all those girls who swarmed him like bugs. He wasn't against it per se, just confused on how to go about it. He'd never had this done before... Neither did Eishi. They both were on the same boat. He didn't need to be so self conscious about this anymore. Both of them were in the same situation. It was all okay. Nothing wrong or bad.

 

"I'm fine with it," he said happily. Pausing, he considered his situation. Was he supposed to take off his shirt as well? Yes, he should. He wanted the redhead to see his body. He wasn't shameful towards his looks... All the time. Right now he needed to be confident. Pulling off his shirt, he neatly folded it next to himself. Had he thrown it on the floor, he probably would've lost it. Dexter wasn't slim by any means. He was toned, not enough to have extremely defined abs, he was still toned. "I hope I don't look too horrible."

[gacktluvr]

"Are you kidding me?" Eishi licked his lips as Dexter removed his shirt, watching him with rapt fascination. He could hardly take his eyes off of him, sitting up to get a bit closer to him. "I have no idea what you're talking about. You look so good I can hardly stand it." One of his hands moved to rest on Dexter's hip, leaning in close and gently caressing his exposed skin. This was so much more than he was used to, eyes searching Dexter's a moment before closing the distance between them with a slow kiss.

 

He was seriously in over his head here, face burning hot even as he shifted closer. He had no idea how to even go about this, but he'd been wanting to do it since they'd first met. His eyes had been drawn to the smooth skin of his neck multiple times already, aching to press kisses to his skin--sometimes literally. But now that the option was open to him, he didn't know how to start. This was something incredibly intimate, wasn't it? He'd never been in a position like this before...

 

Nervously his hand moved to Dexter's shoulder, gently pushing him to lay on the bed as he followed after him. He didn't part their lips until he was laying down fully, licking his lips as he shifted over Dexter shyly. "I've...never done this before, so..." He chewed on his bottom lip as he tried to think of what he could say to try and explain himself. His fingers lightly brushed over Dexter's hip as he sat there, tapping nervously as he tried to come up with something. "J-just...tell me if it doesn't feel good..."

 

Closing his eyes he tried his best to just follow his instincts, bending to kiss just beneath his ear. Slowly he moved lower, his lips brushing over the curve of his neck lightly as he tried to find the right spot to mark him. He was probably being way too cautious for this to be anything more than awkward, breath hitching as he found a spot just above his shoulder. This seemed right, teeth lightly grazing over Dexter's skin as the hair on the back of his neck stood on end. This was what he had wanted, starting to get a little turned on from the anticipation.

 

Gently he bit down on the skin, sucking gently. He was still holding himself back, trying not to go overboard. He was starting to get overwhelmed again, body heating up as his skin grew more and more sensitive. If he went too far right now, he wasn't sure if he'd be able to stop himself. His mind was racing again, thinking of everywhere he wanted to touch and taste. He wanted to feel Dexter's muscles under his palm. Wanted to pin his hips to the bed and kiss over his stomach. To bite down on that slight indication of his hipbone. Scratch fingernails down his side...

 

If he didn't hold himself back now, he might never stop...