Spotlight Redlight (gacktluvr x WolfDog) (18+)

[gacktluvr]

"Of course you can have a public image, Shin-kun. Just not the one Mr. Seo wants for you." Mamoru was visibly shaken by Shin's reaction, a frown marring his face for the first time since Shin had wandered out of his room. "I never said you'd have more free time. I just want to make work a bit less stressful for you. It must be tiring, right?" Mamoru stood up carefully as he spoke, walking back to the kitchen and fixing up another cup of tea. His voice continued to carry through the room softly, no anger or disappointment tainting his calm tone.

 

"Pretending to be someone you're not... Being asked to flirt with people you barely know... That sort of lifestyle will burn you out, just like now. Here." Mamoru had returned to Shin's side while he talked, holding a mug of fresh tea towards him. "Drink it slow, make yourself comfortable, and listen to me, alright?"

 

"I want you to stop pushing yourself so much. You like games and you don't like crowds, am I right? I want to make that your image. Shy idols are every bit as popular as flirty ones, if not more so. It was irresponsible of your agency to try and hide you behind such an obvious act." He moved to sit in front of Shin on the floor, so he wasn't talking down at him. His voice was low and calm, laying out facts rather than doling out judgment. He wanted to keep them on an even level.

 

"Anyone would get tired of being forced to act 24/7."

 

He'd have to bow his head low to the agency and take the hit for now. Shin wasn't making any public appearances like this.

[WolfDog12]

"It.... It's possible for someone like me to do that?" Shin slowly slipped his hands out of the blanket and took the cup of tea. Why was this manager so different? All the others just dragged him around and pushed Seo's ideals onto him and now... he met someone that wanted to actually help him... wanted to bring out the real him and put that on display. Though, if he was like that could he actually get over his anxiety and open up to people? What about making a friend? Was that possible? NO! He couldn't do that. What if they suddenly left or wanted to use him? Then he'd be alone and that painful feeling he got earlier would always be present.

 

"But.... there aren't any idols out there that are shy and try to hide in their rooms... None that are obsessed with anime and yet have nothing to do with it..." Shin gripped the cup in his hands tightly without taking a sip. He was still shaking a little as he felt like he was still being forced to do something... and yet, this man was trying to make it so he didn't have to push himself... Is it possible to do the things he likes?

 

Finally, Shin moved and placed the cup on the table in front of him before getting up, blanket still around him as he disappeared into his room again. Though, he seemed to shuffle in something before finally coming out again with a closed envelope in his hand. "I've never shown this to anyone but Seo-san... It's medical records from the last time I went to the hospital. There I was told I should get out of this industry and find something a lot quieter." He reached out and handed the envelope to Mamoru. "It has the results as well as a prescription."

 

Shin sat back down and waited for Mamoru to look through it and see that there was a record that diagnosed him with social anxiety to a rather extreme level as well as a prescription for a medicine that could calm his nerves. There was also one more piece of paper that had a requirement that Shin see a therapist at least 2 times a week with a name and phone number for the therapist. Clearly, all of it had gone ignored. "Seo-san says taking pills would give people the wrong idea and the media will blow it out of proportion... My schedule is too tight for therapy and if I try to schedule a session myself, Seo-san cancels it or schedules something really important over it. I tried to schedule one in secret and I've had less free time since..." Shin wasn't sure why he was saying this much... he was scared to admit it but it was all coming out now.

[gacktluvr]

"It's true you usually find shy idols in groups, but they definitely exist. In our group it was Kuu-chan. He was smaller than the rest of us even though he and I were the same age, and he was usually quiet during interviews. If he messed up he'd hide behind his hands or spin around in his chair, and the fans loved him. He was probably the most popular of all of us." He tried to keep the mood light with stories about his own experiences, although they fell silent as Shin stood up and disappeared once more into his room.

 

Something seemed different when he returned, and Mamoru reached out for the papers Shin handed him without question. He had something important to say, so Mamoru would be silent. He only listened as fingers worked out the contents of the envelope he'd been handed, gently unfolding the papers and glancing at the covers of each page quickly as Shin spoke.

 

"The hospital? What happened to you?" The question was moot almost as soon as it passed his lips, no longer important. What had sent him there was an issue of the past. There was nothing he could do to prevent what had already happened. What he could do was keep this industry from sending him back there.

 

His mouth was clenched into a thin lie as he read over the papers, the previously crisp edges of each page wrinkling with the force of his grip. He couldn't blow up over something like this. Not with Shin feeling like he did. If he raised his voice he would likely retreat back into himself all over again, and he wouldn't be able to fix the situation Shin was currently locked into.

 

"I'll get you your medicine." Mamoru's tone was matter-of-fact and serious, the prescription folded and placed without hesitation into his breast pocket. "This is written to your legal name, so no one will know it's for you. All you have to do is sign a document saying I can pick it up. No one will ever know." The remaining papers were folded slowly, placed back in their proper place.

 

"I'll lighten your schedule and set up an appointment for you." A gentle smile blossomed on his face as he handed the papers back to Shin, tucking away his anger for now. "You aren't the only idol who's been recommended to therapy, Shin-kun. The agency protects its stars. A manager protects his talent." A serious expression crossed his eyes, not of anger but of determination.

 

"I know how to deal with the press. I've had practice."

 

Libel suits. Agency lockouts. Advertisement pulls. Public repudiation...

 

He'd seen firsthand what happened when an agency went to war.

[WolfDog12]

"It's no use. That prescription is expired... I got it when I was 16... shortly after entering the company... I was about to make my first debut and ended up having an emotional breakdown. After temporarily losing it, I passed out and woke up in the hospital a few hours later." He looked down knowing he'd have to go through another medical test before hr could be diagnosed with social anxiety again. Though, he didn't act any different than he did before. He got a little better at not completely freaking out until he passed out but it was still a risk.

 

"Plus, you'd have to know a lot more than just my name to fill the prescription," he explained a little. "I'll work on writing it all down after today." It was nearly time for the to get going to be able to make it to the CD signing on time. He walked over and saved his game he was playing and turned it off. "We have to go...." Shin clearly felt a sense of duty towards his job and even though he still didn't want to go, he knew he had to.

 

"Thanks for the story earlier... It gives me faith that I can still be me and not be hated," he explained. Shin walked to grab his coat but stopped. As he reached out, his hand was shaking so much. The idea of going and being in front of all those screaming fans made him nervous again. Clearly the story didn't do enough to get his earlier psych out of his head. "I can't do it...." he whispered. "I... I can't go... I'm so pathetic...." Shin felt tears in his eyes and was shocked at how anxious he was. Scared as hell, the male wrapped his arms around himself and crouched down to the ground. Shin let out a whimper.

 

"The thought of just going outside scares me to death... why can't I do it?!" he said as the tears slipped from his eyes. This was the first time he'd cried in so long.

[gacktluvr]

"Shin-kun, we aren't going to the signing." Gently Mamoru rested his hand on Shin's shoulder, wanting to give him reassurance without scaring him. "I've already contacted the agency about it, and had them forward the message to the venue. We're going to the hospital." He didn't know what to do to alleviate Shin's worries, so he just stood beside him with that gentle touch to his shoulder.

 

"I'll release a statement to the press saying that you collapsed from exhaustion, and apologize to the agency. You don't have to worry about any backlash. My job is to do what's best for you and your career." Trying to meet Shin's eyes he gave him a sincere smile, the hand on his shoulder moving to gently rest on his back. "I may not be out there on stage with you, but we're a team. You don't have to face this all alone."

 

Truth was, it was even more than that. The reason Shin had lost so many managers...

 

In truth, everything that Shin did would come back to Mamoru. A missed rehearsal, a scandal, a public outburst... All of it would be Mamoru's responsibility. Poor scheduling, poor managing of talent, poor security precautions... All of those things fell under Mamoru's jurisdiction. All Shin had to worry about was his performance.

 

And that was a manager's job, at least as far as Mamoru saw it. He took care of all the hassles of show-business so that Shin could focus on doing the things that only he could do: Perform.

 

It wasn't Shin's fault they had all quit. They simply hadn't had what it took to be a proper manager. They'd fled at the first hint of trouble, because that was the easy way. Rather than take the early hits and make a true star, they'd fled as soon as it had negatively affected their pocketbooks.

 

Cowards.

[WolfDog12]

"B-But my fans... They're going to worry... the media is going to come after me..." That was far more terrifying as he crouched there shaking like a leaf. All Shin wanted to do was hide under his covers until he could calm down but he found himself hyperventilating. Oh no... it was another panic attack... It was just like the last one... Shin was sweating a lot and was struggling to breathe. His eyes widened in fear as his shaking increased. Why was this happening now? What did he do to cause himself to do this? Oh god... he was going to cause more trouble for everyone, trouble for this manager... he was going to quit... and after everything Shin had told him. No part of this could end properly.

 

The red-eyed idol couldn't calm down until he finally ran out of oxygen and toppled over into Mamoru's arms. He managed to stay conscious if only for the moment as he continued to try and catch his breath. "I.... can't.... disappoint......... Seo....." Shin closed his eyes and just tried focusing on breathing after getting what few words he could out. The boy couldn't believe he worked himself up like that again... it's been a long time since he had a full emotional break down like that. Someone that couldn't handle stress well shouldn't have ever been in this industry.

 

Once he had finally calmed down, Shin opened his eyes again and slowly sat himself back up. They were already late and as much as he hated to admit it, there was no going to that signing... Not now. The male forced himself to his feet as he wobbled a bit and caught himself and walked steadily to his room. "I need a few minutes before we go," he admitted before disappearing into his room where he pulled his Ipod out from under his pillow and popped in his headphones and began to just listen to some music while laying on his bed. Music was his escape which was probably how he managed to get as far as he did without completely shutting down and only ending up in the hospital once.

 

It took ten minutes for Shin to come out again where he nodded and pulled his hoodie on and his sun glasses. "Sorry I took so long... I think I'm alright to go now..." As he said this, Shin's phone rang and he answered it. There was some shouting on the other end where he gripped the front of his shirt and continued to apologize again and again and seemed to agree to something before being able to hang up. "Let's hurry.... I have to get back..." he said quietly.

 

The male walked and followed his new manager out to where his car was as he slipped in the passenger seat wondering if this was alright... "Should I have sat in the back?" He was breathing heavily but thankfully it wasn't like last time.

[gacktluvr]

"Shin...!" The honorific was lost in the rush of the moment as the idol faltered, Mamoru's arms wrapping around him easily to make sure he didn't fall. "Shin, I'll handle all of this. The media, your fans... no one is going to blame you." Gently he rubbed a hand over his back, trying to help him calm down. "Your manager overbooked your schedule, and you worked hard--without complaint--for your fans' sake. No one could possibly make you the villain. Even now, when you're half unconscious, you're worried about your fans. We can always re-book, so there's nothing to worry about."

 

Even now, Shin was shining. Even with a fully booked schedule, a constant change in management, and a boss who took advantage of his condition, Shin was trying his best. He'd been through more than his fair share of hardship, but he kept trying. Mamoru couldn't help but admire him, sticking close by his side as Shin stumbled to his feet.

 

He wouldn't give up on him.

 

"Do whatever you have to do. I'm in no rush." To rush him would defeat the entire purpose of this trip. This was all for Shin's benefit, so it would all be done at his pace. So long as Mamoru didn't think he was in danger, he would wait. It probably showed on his face how relieved he was to see Shin again only a handful of minutes later, but that call...

 

He wasn't thinking rationally when he heard the tone of the person on the other end, covering it with his hand once the call was over and staring into Shin's eyes. "Don't let anyone talk to you like that." He was livid on the inside but his touch was gentle, carefully prying the phone from Shin's fingers. "From now on, they go through me. Do you understand?" He was very careful not to raise his voice at all, firm but not furious. "Anything work related goes through me. Appointments. Interviews. Rehearsals. All of it. If Seo tries to do anything to you, you call me immediately. If my work number doesn't connect, you have my personal. Even if I'm falling down drunk, I'll listen to you. I'll take you seriously, and I'll help you." Shin's phone was turned off with an elegant movement before being pressed into his hand. "Now they have no choice but to call me."

 

He certainly didn't mind having Shin stick close to him after what had happened in the hall, a barely perceptible sigh loosening his shoulders as the other male thankfully climbed into the passenger's seat. "This is fine. Stay where I can see you and make sure you're okay." He turned the key in the ignition, holding his free hand out towards Shin awkwardly.

 

"In case you need someone to hold onto..."

[WolfDog12]

Shin was nervous as his phone was taken from his hand and his manager turned it off before handing it back to him. "That was Seo... He loses a lot of money when I don't make an appearance," he said quietly looking down at the phone in his hand. The idol was shaking ever so slightly again out of fear of what he would have to do when he got back. "I just don't want to cause more problems but I can't help it... If I could just change myself... believe me, I would...." This was really hard to admit but it was getting easier to talk to someone that took him so seriously, didn't get angry or in anyway trying push judgement or anything of the kind onto him. It was heartwarming to say the least.

 

Once they got into the car and it was started up, Mamoru reached out his hand gently towards Shin, offering him to hold it if that was what he wanted. It took only a minute but the male nodded and placed his hand in his manager's before squeezing a bit as he closed his eyes. Thankfully, the idol had slipped his ipod into his pocket and used his free hand to put both earbuds in and closed his eyes letting the music take his mind somewhere away from where his body was going.

 

It took a short while for them to make it to the hospital and when he opened his eyes because the car stopped, Shin's grip tightened slightly. He was feeling overwhelmed by just the number of cars in the parking garage, let alone the thought of just how many people could be inside. After all, there were more people in the hospital than there were cars outside.

 

"I was right, it's impossible... I want to go home..." He admitted. Though, he'd done concerts with twice as many people... Maybe it was just easier if he didn't have to deal with the people directly and could just sing his heart out. Now he was going into a more public location and would actually have to interact with more than one person at a time. "I'm nervous..." No, this went well beyond nervous, he was terrified. "It was easier to come here when I was unconscious... I can't do this now..." Shin could feel his chest tightening up again. He was such a wimp reaction so strongly about just entering a hospital.

 

As he was trying to build up even an ounce of courage, someone walked passed the car just trying to get in for a visit and Shin completely over reacted sliding as low as he could nearly ending up on the floor as he let go of Mamoru's hand and just hid himself as low as possible. The people didn't even look over as they walked by talking to one another. Shin felt so horrible showing this side of him to his new manager. He wanted to help so badly and yet, Shin was no better than he was when he was 16 and brought here for his first diagnosis.

[gacktluvr]

"He'll take it from my pay, so don't let him pressure you. And don't let that bother you, either. I don't do this job for the pay." Gently he rubbed the back of Shin's hand with his thumb as he held on, doing what little he could do for him even as he drove. They were practical strangers still, so it wasn't as if he could do anything more than these innocent shows of support. "We're getting you help, so it's alright. You won't have to feel like this much longer."

 

He wanted to do something more than this, his hand gripping the steering wheel tightly. He was going to have a talk with Seo when this was all over. It wasn't as if events couldn't be rescheduled, and because Mamoru had made a mistake as Shin's manager he would have no trouble justifying a cut in his salary. Yelling at Shin was going too far. Especially considering Shin's condition, and the fact that Seo knew about it. It sounded as if he was using Shin's condition to try and take advantage of him.

 

With a smooth movement he turned off the car as soon as they were in the parking lot, glancing over at Shin with concern. He didn't seem to be doing well, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. This was a lot worse than Mamoru had ever imagined, Shin's hand slipping from his as he ducked down. There was no way Shin could have made it through the signing like this, reaffirming that he had made the right decision to cancel. Their entire promotional circuit needed to be reworked to better serve Shin than just the company's interests. In the end, it would benefit everyone that way.

 

"Stick close to me," he murmured softly as he opened the door, stepping out even as he spoke to Shin in the car. Closing the door behind him he moved around to the other side, opening it slowly so that he could stand between Shin and the outside world. "Here." Slowly he removed his coat, a long jacket that could probably cover Shin's whole body with ease. "Put in your headphones, cover yourself, and cling to me."

 

"If you can't do that, I'll carry you. You don't have to see or talk to anyone until we've got you in a private room."

[WolfDog12]

Shin looked over at Mamoru who was now standing in the door and took off his jacket for the scared male. There was a long moment of hesitation before Shin put in his headphones and turned up his music to it was hard to hear anything beyond the sound of his iPod playing into his ears. He took the coat and placed it over himself to cover up as the male slowly got out of the car and reached out to grab gently onto the back of his manager's shirt. Shin took a couple deep breathes and nodded to show it was alright to start walking. He just had to forget about what was going on around him and just think about the music. Soon enough, he was using his other hand to tap out a beat that was completely different from what he was listening to as he was composing another song.

 

Walking was a lot easier once he got started and even when they were in a waiting room with a few other people, He pulled the jacket down around his shoulders and whispered, his eyes still close, "Do you have any paper, scrap is fine... and a pencil?" Once Shin was able to get his hands on some blank paper, He started to draw some different notes and scribble some lyrics. It didn't even look in order as his left hand wrote lyrics in one corner, then another, then the middle, up the side, across the top, with music notes drawn in the spaces around it all.

 

As odd as it seemed, this was how he started when working on a new song. He made a mess of several pieces of paper before his thoughts ironed themselves out and he was able to put together a working piece and match up lyrics that made sense where they went. This was how Seo took advantage of him. He would get incredibly stressed out, and in an attempt to calm down, he came up with a new song that always ended up as a top hit for weeks in a row. Seo had been around Shin so long, he knew exactly how to get the boy to make money for him and that's what made him so dangerous. Though, it also meant that his stress was the result of Shin's fame and how he was so good. Stress fueled him and no one knew what would happen if he was on pills to calm him down.

 

There was almost a 50 minute wait before Shintarou's name was called. Though, he didn't even hear it at first as he was squeezing in as many words as he could in what little space there was left on the page. Heck, he'd probably start overlapping things if he wasn't suddenly stopped and forced to go into the office. Still, he was lipping some words and notes... This was just as much of a mess.

 

Finally, after sitting down, Shin paused his music and sat down pulling his earbuds out. He looked down and returned to a rather nervous state. It was hard to talk to the doctor until he found... It was the same one from all those years ago. But... this wasn't the hospital he first got the diagnosis!!! Did he transfer? When?! What?! Shin looked shocked and actually felt worse because nothing had improved since that time.

[gacktluvr]

Mamoru was careful to keep Shin close by his side as he walked into the hospital, one hand on his shoulder so they could stay together. It was a little harder to walk like this than he had anticipated, keeping someone pressed up against him. He did everything he could to hide Shin's body against his own as they walked, on high alert for anyone that might upset him.

 

Even as crowded as the place was, no one seemed at all concerned with anyone else's problems, making it easy for them to get inside. Only one or two people seemed to notice them at all, and they mostly seemed interested in what Mamoru was doing. Shin didn't even seem to notice, emerging from his hiding place slightly once they were safe inside.

 

"There's a notepad and pen in the pocket. It's how I keep track of appointments, so it's all yours. Work related uses." His hand never left Shin's back as they sat there, gently rubbing absently. It seemed like they would be here for a while, but that seemed fine. Shin was no longer freaking out, instead taking care of himself in whatever way worked best for him. It was good that he had some sort of coping mechanism at least. That helped to calm Mamoru's own concerns as well, sinking into his chair as he went over the events of the day in his mind.

 

There was still a fair deal of time before Shin's tour started. Most of the promotional events that had been scheduled up until then had been public appearances, which was probably one of the most amateur mistakes a manager could make. He'd have to pick and choose which of those he could afford. Creating an image for Shin and putting it out there would make public appearances easier for him. He should probably stay out of the public for the next week or so... That would give him time to grow accustomed to any new medicine the doctor may put him on, as well as give Mamoru time to grow and feed his persona to the media.

 

He'd come up with a tentative idea of how to approach this by the time they were called back, walking together with Shin. It was unfortunate to see him return to his previous situation, but it couldn't be helped. Eventually he would have to deal with this situation, but he still had another moment. Gently Mamoru nudged his arm, motioning towards the paper he'd been scribbling on earlier.

 

"You can use another page if you want. I'm going to explain the situation, so you can keep doing what you were doing," he whispered to him with that reassuring smile of his, gently removing his hand from his back as he stepped away.

 

With a nod and a smile to the doctor he moved away from Shin's side, approaching the doctor with his usual charisma.

 

"Can I talk to you a moment before we start?"

[WolfDog12]

Shin looked over nervously before he slipped his earbuds in again and closed his eyes for a minute just trying to get back into the swing of the song. He wasn't working on the new one anymore but just tried to block everything else out whil Mamoru spoke with the doctor.

 

"Are you Shintarou's guardian?" the doctor asked clearly it was a viable question because patient confidentiality prevented the doctor from speaking about things like this with anyone but a legal guardian. "Look, I understand you want to help but I can't tell you about anything that happened in the past without legal consent. Plus, since Shintarou was only 16 back then there is no way I can tell you anything. That being said, was there something else you wanted to talk about? I can talk about the situation at hand but I cannot tell you the diagnosis myself. That is entirely up to this young individual." The doctor apologized and certainly wanted to be of more help but his hands were tied.

 

The doctor was able to listen to what Mamoru talked about after that seeing as he told the information needed. While they couldn't talk about the last time Shin had come to the doctors, pretty much everything else was still on the table to talk about and the doctor wanted to know everything from why he wasn't getting better, to what triggered today's attack and why was it so serious that he was rushed to the hospital without an appointment. This was all incredibly important information that told the doctor exactly what he needed to know to even start drawing a conclusion.

 

The doctor got to the point where he had to as Mamoru to step out so he could talk to Shintarou directly and privately. As scared as he was to talk about it, Shin knew what he had to do and allowed it. He explained everything that he could to the best of his ability and it was easy to come to the conclusion that Shin still had a serious case of social anxiety... Something that would take a lot to try and fix.

 

"I don't even believe that therapy will work right away. Let me prescribe a pill for now and when you are able to mellow out enough, then we will get you into therapy right away on trying to build social experience and hopefully fix this situation forever. However, be aware that you've had this for so long you may never be a perfect social butterfly. If we can at least get you to function in society, I think that's a reasonable goal to reach for." Shin nodded to the words, nervous but trying to feel determined however he could.

[gacktluvr]

"Oh, so you're aware of his situation? That certainly makes things easier..." Mamoru scratched the back of his head awkwardly, giving a slight bow to the doctor. "He's a bit old for something like a guardian, but I suppose you could call me something like that: I'm his manager. I'd give you my card but it's with Shin-kun for the time being." He straightened after a moment, dropping his hand back to his side. "Before we leave I would like you to give him the forms we need, however. I'll need to be added as a confidant so I can stay updated on his condition. He's already told me about his last visit, so hopefully that won't be a problem for him."

 

Mamoru did everything he could to explain the situation as clearly and concisely as possible, not wanting to drag up unnecessary details but also being careful to include everything that might be important to the situation. The two of them had spent several hours together that morning, even if most of it had been spent talking about absolutely nothing important at all. Mamoru wasn't sure what exactly had set him off to begin with, although he knew for certain that the biggest issue had been with the signing.

 

"I'm going to try and lessen his public appearances for the time being, so I'll do what I can on my end."

 

He turned to Shin when he was asked to leave, motioning that he'd be stepping out. He didn't want to disappear without warning, but he didn't fret too much over actual words as Shin no longer seemed like he would fall apart any second. It should be obvious that he would be back as soon as possible, his own coat still in Shin's possession. He would probably just get a can of coffee from the vending machine while he waited, since he had been running on empty all day. There was a seat just outside the room Shin was sitting in where he could wait, tapping an absent beat against his can as he leaned forward on his knees and tried his best to be patient.

[WolfDog12]

"Manager? Lessen his public appearances? What's Shintarou's profession?" the doctor asked. That was something Shin had refused to say. He didn't want the doctor freaking out... Though, there was no way he would believe anyone with such a terrible anxiety could even become a singer, let alone be a famous idol that did concerts, public appearances of any kind, or anything of the sort. Shin had a hard time doing these things but the power of music was enough to help him do the one thing he wanted to do the most, sing the songs he produced on his own.

 

"If Shintarou signs that you have his permission to receive all information on him then you can get the paperwork. However, if he does not sign off, everything will have to be kept from you so just be sure when filling out that paperwork that he signs off on you being the one to receive all information," the doctor explained. He then had Mamoru wait outside for him and Shin to talk directly.

 

It was there that the doctor asked about his profession and Shin had to explain that this was his only point of contact with actual humans and yet, he was still having trouble. Because of that, he had to explain in more detail what set him off into a panic attack that day and it was because he was overthinking things and the stress of being in front of his fans hand having to interact with them was enough to terrify him and cause him to panic. Of course, again, it just make it easier for the doctor to diagnose him properly.

 

After all that the doctor prescribed pills and make sure everything was all set before sending him out. Shin stood up and reached for the door but froze. He was terrified already to just go out there and look for Mamoru. His manager could be as far as the waiting room at the end of the hallway.... That was a total of 3 doors on just one side that he would have to pass... How many people might he run into? Slowly he cracked open the door just enough to look outside. Of course, his manager was right outside the door so Shin placed his coat in his arms and slowly opened the door farther. He nodded and handed Mamoru his coat as he stepped out next to him before falling behind and walking one step behind him.

 

They got to the desk where Shin had to fill out more paperwork and he did even writing off that all his medical records and any information to be sent straight to Mamoru first and foremost. The male was finally able to leave and walked behind his manager again, though he had to carefully grab the back of his sleeve out of nervousness. They walked in a line for the most part but there were just so many people......

[gacktluvr]

Mamoru smiled as Shin finally emerged from the hospital room, standing up and taking his coat with a slight bow of his head. He didn't want to overwhelm him with questions about what had happened, opting instead to stay silent and follow his lead. Shin would tell him whatever he was comfortable sharing, and the doctor would fill in whatever else he needed to know. Pressuring Shin was the absolute last thing he wanted to do, keeping him close wherever they walked. He took care to make sure Shin was always within reach of him as they made their way back to the car, staying as far away from the other patients as possible.

 

"How are you feeling?" he asked once they were back inside the safety of his car, not turning it on just yet. His fingers searched through his freshly returned coat pockets, pulling out the notebook Shin had been scribbling in earlier. He was tempted to look, thumb running around the edge of the pad as if lost in thought, but he never opened it. He would likely give it to Shin when they returned to his apartment, but for now it was still his.

 

"I assume you want to go home now, right? I don't blame you if you want to rest after all of this." Personally he could use a cigarette, but he refrained. Never in the car, never at home, and never in front of the talent. Nowhere that might linger. It was a rare indulgence, to say the least. Alcohol came easier, but he had work to do.

 

"I'm guessing you want to be left alone, but I'll stay if that's what you want."

[WolfDog12]

Thankfully, Shin could just focus on walking and trying to tune out everyone around them as the two made their way outside and to the car. It wasn't until they got there that Mamoru actually said something to him. "I'm feeling a bit worn. My nerves are shot...." The young idol leaned against the car door feeling really tired now. Part of him wanted to take a nap and part of him just wanted to go home and either watch a movie or play a video game... Just something relaxing. Then he realized something and remembered the notes he had written not to long ago.

 

"I'll probably go home and work on a new song until I get stuck..." Shin admitted knowing that he'd forget everything that was running around in his head if he didn't write it all down right away and get some work done with it. Still, Shin still felt tired and wanted to relax even if just a little. "I don't mind if you stick around," he said quietly. "You're a pretty nice guy." It wasn't long after that where Shin started to doze off. Eventually, he was out like a light. Of course, he had to be woken again but the heavy sleeper needed nearly an earthquake with a clap of thunder just to wake him.

 

He quickly jumped up and stretched slightly before stepping out and heading in to go up to his room. Shin didn't even mind waiting for Mamoru to get through security since he would have to show his idea for a while until he could truly be trusted. The lady at the desk couldn't even take Shin's word that he was the manager in case he was being threatened or something. Though, it wasn't all that big of a deal since it didn't take up too much time.

 

Finally, the two went up to Shin's room where he went straight into his room and pulled out an electronic keyboard out from under his bed. He set it up and tested the sound making sure all the buttons worked. It wasn't long ago that he had it out last but he always checked. Shin then sat down on the floor in his bedroom and placed some blank music sheets in front of himself. He'd have to order more since he was down to his last four sheets. It was hopefully enough for what was going through his head.

 

Shin began to play a couple different tunes until he found one that matched what was really in his head and followed it up with writing down the notes as well as a few lyrics that he wanted to put. Hours passed and Shin was completely lost in what he as doing until he placed the keyboard aside and lifted the papers. He had used up all the space on the sheets feeling a bit frustrated. Taking a minute, the idol sang the song out on its own just to make sure the lyrics made sense. Though, he seemed a bit irritated by it. The male tossed the papers across his floor as he stood up and walked out of his room. "You want to do something?" He asked not even sure if Mamoru was around or not.

[gacktluvr]

"I imagine it's been a rough day, so it makes sense you'd be tired." He turned the car on as they spoke, giving him a smile. "I'm glad to hear your opinion of me isn't absolutely dreadful after all of that, but be sure not to work yourself too hard. I've got your notes in my pocket if you need them, so it isn't as if they're going anywhere." He was honestly glad to hear that Shin thought well of him, worried that he might have pushed him too far. It was a rough way to start a working relationship, but things could only go up from here.

 

Glancing over at the first stop he was secretly pleased as he saw the soft rise and fall of Shin's chest, glad he could get some rest after all of that. It sounded like he planned on continuing to push himself when they returned, so at least he could sleep for now. He would have liked to let him sleep longer, but the drive back wasn't all that long.

 

"Shin-kun..." Reaching out he gently touched his shoulder once he'd parked, watching his expression to see if he would wake at all. He seemed to be sleeping pretty well, which only made it harder for Mamoru to bring himself to wake him. Just a little while longer... Shin could sleep for just a bit more. That cigarette didn't sound any less appealing, practiced fingers pulling one from the pack he'd tucked away in his coat before stepping just outside the door.

 

He left his coat inside so that the smell wouldn't linger on it, leaning against his door with a heavy sigh as he finally indulged his habit. He never let his eyes wander from Shin's sleeping form, making sure he was safe even from out here. His door was locked so no one could get to him without first going through Mamoru, and his passenger side windows were tinted a deep black so no one could see who was inside. He took every care when it came to this sort of thing, thoughts still on work even as he finished his cigarette.

 

He was pretty sure he always smelled kind of like smoke to begin with, but hopefully this wouldn't be enough to upset Shin. He was fairly sure a majority of people in this industry were smokers, so it couldn't be that he was unused to it. It was a stressful job, after all, and the parking lot for his building held a lingering aroma as well. If it was too bad for Shin to be around the smell, he'd leave.

 

He wrapped himself back in his coat once he was finished, hoping to mute the smell as he leaned back into the car and put a real effort into waking him this time. It wasn't exactly easy but eventually it did work, the star's eyes opening and looking back at him. He didn't say anything about the smell, if he even noticed, the both of them walking into the building after the familiar hassle of proving his identity once more. His laptop hung over his shoulder in place of the doughnuts he'd been carrying that morning.

 

He chose not to intrude too much on Shin's privacy once they were indoor, still maintaining his position of protecting the sanctity of his room. He'd only entered before to wake him up, and he had no reason to enter now. Instead he moved to the couch Shin had been playing on that afternoon, taking out his laptop and working on what he'd send the press in regards to the cancelled autograph session. It would take a lot of smoothing over with a lot of people, but that was the job he'd signed on for. He didn't mind.

 

By the time Shin was through in his room, however, Mamoru had lost the energy he had originally tackled his project under. Leaning against the armrest, one leg was bent up on the couch in a somewhat comfortable position. His shoes were near the door, however, his coat still wrapped loosely around him. He'd obviously been working when he'd finally passed out, one hand hanging off the side of the couch from where he'd been reaching for the keys of his computer.

 

Thankfully, unlike Shin, Mamoru was a pretty light sleeper when not in his own bed. If Shin tried to wake him he would be more than willing to put aside his half-written apology to spend time with him, whether watching a movie or playing games. Even if Shin just wanted to complain about the hellish day they had just been through, Mamoru would wake himself as listen.

 

That wasn't to say he wouldn't fall back asleep over time, but he'd do everything in his power to keep Shin company. And that was a personal decision. At times he wondered if maybe he came across as too serious. If people thought he was kind because it was his job...

 

He would never consider being kind an obligation. He was kind because he wanted to be. He wanted to help people.

 

And he was a manager because he wanted to help these people. People who worked hard at something they loved...

[WolfDog12]

Shin finally looked over and saw Mamoru asleep on the couch. In a way, to repay him for everything he'd done so far, the idol just let him be. The male walked over to his living room looking for something in particular but when he didn't find it, he simply found a small section of floor. However, before he could sit down, he realized the smell of smoke that lingered slightly from his manager. While it wasn't that big of a deal, he did understand that smoke was so bad for him, not just as a person but as a singer. So many had lost careers to it so Shin was terrified of what would happen. Of course, it didn't help that he read somewhere that it was more dangerous to breathe second hand smoke than to actually smoke. There were many in his building that did it and he either held his breath and passed them or they were respectful enough not to do it around him.

 

Feeling a bit frustrated by the scent, Shin walked into his bathroom and found an air freshener and tried to be as quiet as possible as he sprayed into the living room before he placed the can aside and laid down on what little floor space there was in the living room. He wanted to play a game or watch a movie now but with his manager asleep in the room on his couch, that wasn't going to happen so, instead he just curled up on the floor thinking.

 

Shin gathered up a couple games he had never played and looked over which he might want to play next. Before he knew it, the idol was falling asleep. He was tucked neatly into a corner where he probably wouldn't be seen right away and just fell asleep with a bunch of his games over him like some make shift blanket. Though, that was just how they fell. Evening was approaching and Shin was so worn from his day, he didn't care about falling asleep.

 

Despite how heavily he slept, Shin did wake up just before dinner and got up to make himself something wondering if he should get something for Mamoru as well. However, he didn't have any real food in his house and had finished off all his instant noodle cups. Shoot, all he had now was candy... What would his manager do if he just ate candy until he could order more instant noodles in the mail and just have it delivered as a package.

 

That wouldn't work. Anyway, Shin had to think of something... If he ordered take out, he'd have to go get it and ordering pizza would mean he'd have to go down and pay and maybe even talk to the guy. What should he do? As much as it pained him, Shin walked over and pressed his hand against his manager's arm gently trying to get his attention. "I'm sorry Ishida-san. I forgot to order instant noodles. Would you mind getting me a cup? I promise to pay you for it and your services.... I'm so sorry to be such a bother but I can't handle a pizza guy or to go out and actually get take out..." This was so hard for Shin to admit but he had no choice.

[gacktluvr]

So the smell does bother him...

 

Mamoru was still half asleep as the hiss of the air freshener covered the room, not nearly close enough to consciousness to act or say anything regarding his situation. The smell alone wasn't actually dangerous to Shin's profession, which was why he hadn't done more to keep it off of him. He did understand, however, that it bothered some people. If he could remember this moment when he woke up, he'd be sure not to do it again.

 

Without Shin actively trying to wake him Mamoru slipped back into sleep after only another moment or two, on the most vague of awareness lingering in the back of his mind. It wasn't a particularly restful or comfortable sleep, but it was something. The fact that Shin was in the room with him didn't leave his awareness until he was fully asleep once more, not stirring again until he heard the fuss in the kitchen. It was a struggle to motivate himself into waking so he stayed there in that half-sleeping state until Shin touched him.

 

Slowly his eyes fluttered open, a sleepy haze still clouding his eyes as he stared up at him silently for several long moments. He was trying to force his brain back into action, groggy from the poor sleep he'd been awoken from. "Food?" What time was it? It seemed a bit late for a traditional dinner, but when you were hungry you were hungry, and he was vaguely aware of his own stomach's discomfort. He'd only eaten a doughnut and a cup of tea, come to think of it, and Shin was likely in the same situation...

 

"There are still doughnuts on the table, but they're probably stale." It was a thought more than any real solution, slowly sitting himself up on the couch with a wince. His back was sore from having slept in such a position, popping back into place with a lazy stretch. He was starting to get old, wasn't he? He didn't want to admit it...

 

"If you want pizza I can go get it. I probably shouldn't drive half-asleep like this, but I can pay for a pizza." He ran a hand through his hair, picking up the smell of air freshener and remembering his earlier revelation now that he was starting to come to. "I'd have to go to the lobby to get it, right? I should probably change out of my work clothes, so that works out..." He could grab a spare shirt from his car when he went down to get it, killing two birds with one stone. He kept a few changes of clothes with him wherever he went, in case he wound up having to crash somewhere unusual. He'd slept in some television lobbies in the past.

 

"Would you mind if I took a shower? I feel a little gross." A shower and a change of clothes should help get rid of the smell, without being too obvious. Anyone would feel gross after passing out like he did. "I can call in an order and pick it up once I'm done, if that's what you want to eat. Sound good?" He certainly didn't mind being paid for the pizza, but he didn't need any sort of payment for his time. He was always on the clock, after all.

[WolfDog12]

"I don't mind, you can go ahead. I'll pay for it and the pizza place nearby, I can order online.... I just... You don't mind going to get it? I don't want to talk to the pizza guy," He explained feeling uncertain. "Also.... did you want to stay the night?.... My apartment is kind of big.... I even have a king size bed and don't even use 2/3s of it... You can feel free to sleep there..." What was he doing? Shin just met this man today and was already having him sleep over? He'd never warmed up to a manager this quickly... Then again, this man was different...

 

Mamoru worried about him, looked out for him, took him to the hospital and even took on Seo for his sake... Offering him to stay the night was the least that he could do. It was too bad that his clothes probably wouldn't fit the man but if they did he'd give him some of those to sleep in or if he wanted, to wear the next day if needed. After all, he did say that he had an extra pair of clothes in his car.... wait... if it was in his car what was he going to wear after getting out of the shower? The same clothes weren't going to work... Shin thought for a while and realized he probably had something. A NEET was always prepared.... to be comfortable that was.

 

With that, Shin rushed out to his room and grabbed a pair of sweatpants that were too big on him and he had to tie the drawstring and there was so much extra fabric around his ankles. Heck, this might be big on Mamoru. He also grabbed a t-shirt he knew would fit. After that, he found some underwear that should work and took the pieces and placed them just on the counter inside the bathroom before going back to his room and getting on the computer.

 

Shin ordered the food online and it was said to arrive in 25 minutes. That should be plenty of time for Mamoru to finish his shower, get his spare clothes and be ready for the Pizza man. Though, the young idol didn't know what kind of Pizza his manager liked. So, he got a meat lovers, a cheese, and a bacon pizza. He had to like at least one of them. Any pizza not eaten tonight could just go in the fridge and would be Shin's meals for the next few days until he could get himself some instant noodles. Not the healthiest lifestyle... that's for sure.

 

Either way, Shin grabbed some blankets and prepared them on the couch. He planned on sleeping there himself and made it so he could be comfortable when doing so. He grabbed the pillow he typically used off his bed and placed it there as well. The idol then found himself waiting for Mamoru to come out of the bathroom.

[gacktluvr]

"Nah, I don't mind. I could probably use something to eat, too." Standing from the couch he stretched out with a low groan as his bones and muscles shifted back into their proper places. "It's no trouble to pick up a pizza once it's delivered, so you don't have to worry so much about it." He paused as Shin offered him a place to stay for the night, glancing over at him with a smile. "I'm fine with the couch, honestly. You don't have to go out of your way for me." He may have been old, but he wasn't so old that he couldn't sleep on the couch for a night.

 

"I appreciate the offer. I'll be in your care tonight." With a slight bow he pushed bangs back from his face, staying put as Shin went digging for who knows what. When he finally noticed what it was Shin was doing he smiled, making his way towards the bathroom. "I'll try not to stretch them out." He flashed a charming smile Shin's way as he disappeared into the other room completely, a flirtatious wink following after him.

 

As much as he wanted to soak his aching body after his brief stint on the couch he made sure not to linger too long, although he did take a great deal of joy in the soothing heat of it. It wasn't quite freezing outside, this late in winter, but it was enough that even a quick shower felt incredible. The clothes were a surprising fit once he was free from the showers tempting embrace, although the shirt bordered on being just a tad too small. It clung to him a bit more than a t-shirt should, showing off a body subtly toned over many years in the performance industry. While he hadn't been on stage in several years, it had been hard for him to let go of the discipline he'd learned in his younger years. He still had an idol's body, lean with slight muscle in all the right places.

 

Outside of security, it was unlikely anyone would doubt he was a regular resident of this place while dressed like this. His old clothes were tucked neatly over his arm as he stepped back into the apartment at large, towel draped over his shoulders to catch any droplets of water that still clung to his hair. He looked several years younger just from a slight change of clothes and hairstyle, bangs hanging in front of his face slightly.

 

"Did you already order?"

[WolfDog12]

"Y-Ya.... Sorry I ordered without asking what you wanted..." Damn, seeing Mamoru like this was rather surprising and had a strange effect on Shin. Still, he had to shake whatever strange feeling bubbled up in him for now. It would have been a lot easier if the idol was use to more emotions and could tell them apart easily... However, this was like that feeling of loneliness he felt that morning. "I ordered a cheese, a bacon, and meat lovers.... Should I have gotten a veggie pizza or something else?" He was a bit worried about making his manager settle rather than enjoy something.

 

Shin ran over to his room once more to fish inside his pants pockets and pulled out his wallet and brought it over to give Mamoru the money for the pizza. "There's extra there for tip since you have to tip the delivery man..." Clearly he didn't order much on his own. "Is that shirt too tight? I don't know if I have any bigger. I like large and comfortable clothes but your shoulders are... quite a bit broader than mine," he explained. "N-Not that that's a bad thing!!" he tried to correct himself getting flustered and unsure of himself. Shin was always rather thin. He could dance and everything but sometimes it was shocking that he could hold his own weight. After all, he could do handstands even though his arms didn't look like they could totally hold him up.

 

"You were an idol once, weren't you? Why don't I recognize you?" this was probably rude but Shin couldn't tell. He just really wanted to know why he had never heard of this man. Most of the time, Shin knew who the person was before meeting because, though he didn't like going outside or interacting with others, he did keep track of the latest idols and everything like that. After all, he may as well know those that are in the same profession as him.

 

As they talked, Shin realized he was keeping Mamoru too long. "Oh, Sorry... I didn't give you much time to grab your clothes out of your car before the pizza man is suppose to be here...." Now he was feeling a bit embarrassed. What was it about this manager that made him so unsure about himself? That wasn't normal. Typically, Shin just did what he did and that was the end of it but what was going on?! He was going way out of his comfort zone all day today for this man.

[gacktluvr]

"Me? Hmm... There's a number of reasons, really." Mamoru brought a finger to his chin in an empty show of thought, not sure which of the many he should lead with. The biggest reason was one he probably didn't have time for before their food arrived, but he wanted to give him some sort of answer. "I haven't performed in something like 6 or 7 years, so I'm hardly the talk of the town anymore. An idol's shelf life can be pretty short once they've quit the business." He was all smiles as he spoke, showing he wasn't bitter at all about his fade from the spotlight. "I still have my fans, of course, and once I'm officially named as your manager they'll probably start watching you as well. I can't promise they'll stick around, but your next release or two should get an increase in sales at least."

 

Cheese pizza sounded perfectly acceptable, if Shin was worried about offending his diet with all that meat or something. Honestly, there wasn't too terribly much Mamoru wouldn't eat on that principle. He had a decent metabolism from a lifetime of hard work and exercise, and he kept it up in his free time. He didn't have to be too terribly picky, which would have been far more difficult on him than people would have guessed.

 

"I was part of a group, too, so it isn't as if my name is the one written on our albums or the oricon charts. Unless you were a fan of Always, you'd probably never have heard of me." It was the first time he'd mentioned the name of his old band in front of the singer, giving him all the information he'd need to figure out why Mamoru wasn't still in the business. Age was a factor, of course, but Always had been disbanded when he was barely 23.

 

It was because of Always that he knew everything he did about this business. About avoiding scandal and dealing with the media. That was why he knew just what happened when the press dared cross the line of profitability and messed with a band's bottom line. He knew how to make them regret it, and how to bounce back from their rumors.

 

"I'm gonna go grab our food, so I'll be right back. If you wanna talk about this more, I'm not running. We can continue once we've filled up. Whatever you wanna know, from my persona to what happened to the other members to how many times I've bleached my hair and yet still kept it this healthy. I'm all yours tonight."

 

A playful wink met Shin as their eyes locked, taking the money that was offered before heading down to get their food before the delivery guy got here and had to fight with security.

 

If Shin bothered to look them up while he was out, he'd find out why Mamoru had quit without any trouble at all.

 

One of their members had been accused of drug use not long after the beginning if their 7th year, effectively putting a halt to their career in no time at all. The band had been grounded by the agency overnight, their next release shelved until the verdict could be officially given. Press events were cancelled, CDs pulled from the shelf, and performances were little more than a dream.

 

It had only been a few weeks before the rumors had come out as little more than rumors, but it had been long enough. Their shelved CD released to good reviews but the band was broken up after a short media stint. That had been the end of his career in the spotlight, but they had all left with their trademark idol smiles in tact. They hadn't left in shame, still carrying fans with them into their future projects.

 

And as they waited for that final farewell, he had seen his agency tear apart the futures of those who had ruined them. The writers who had broken the story had been forced to resign with their heads bowed low in shame. Reporters who had repeated the story apologized to the members themselves, their fans, the agency, and their own employers. Fees had been paid by any business that had interfered with Always' sales.

 

If anyone tried to hamper Shin's career in a similar fashion, Mamoru would do the same. If anyone leaked his condition, he would throw the full force of the agency on their heads. They wouldn't be allowed to spread their damaging remarks.

[WolfDog12]

Still curious about Mamoru and his band, Shin went to his computer to look them up. Though, he was a bit nervous just looking into this man's past... Then again, he gave Shin the name of his band for a reason and seemed to encourage him to learn about them so it was probably ok to save him the extra breath it took to tell the story and he could just fill in any blanks or anything else that Shin might want to know that the internet didn't tell him. That would be the normal thing to do... wouldn't it?

 

The dark-haired male made up his mind and looked up the band. He skimmed through a few different articles and learned all kinds of different things. Eventually he found out why the band disbanded and everything that happened with the drugs.... It was no wonder that Mamoru was so protective over Shin about the pills and was willing to go to such great lengths that he gets the help he needs and to prevent the media from catching wind of any information that really shouldn't be spread. It explained so much, including the fact that he never heard of them or the agency they were apart of... Every last bit of information was taken and hidden away... No... Not hidden, after all, he found it rather quickly but it was just buried under years of news... This was old news no one seemed to care about anymore... Weird.

 

"He'd probably do the same for me if the media found out about the pills..." he admitted only to hear Mamoru at the door again. Shin of course hurried over to give him a hand opening it.

 

Shin opened the door and helped Mamoru to the counter with the pizza before grabbing two paper plates from off the top pizza box and a bunch of napkins. It was strange, but Shin didn't say a word after that. He was mostly just thinking as he grabbed two slices of the bacon pizza and brought it over to the couch. He was lost in thought about what happened to Always and how Mamoru reacted... as well as how he would react if anything were to come up in the young idol's career.

 

"Want to watch a movie?" He asked finally able to speak as he reached over and turned on the TV. He had plenty of movies on his box, had Netflix as well as a few other movie sources. He'd just let Mamoru choose what they watched or Shin would probably have picked his favorite anime movie. After all, he was a fanatic. "What do you want to watch?"

[gacktluvr]

Mamoru didn't ask about what Shin had been up to while he was out grabbing food--he really didn't have to. It hadn't taken him that long to get everything, but their previous conversation had died out without even the slightest hint of returning. The dead silence that had taken its place hinted that it was more than just a lull in interest that kept them from continuing. He wanted to breach the subject again if he could, but he wasn't entirely sure how to do it. Whatever Shin had read, it was only the tiniest part of the truth. Sensationalist articles that started the whole experience or apologies about having printed false information... None of that talked about what the band had been through. About being essentially grounded, or being put under a media gag... They had never been allowed to speak of the experience to the media.

 

"A movie sounds great, actually." Cautiously he joined Shin on the couch after grabbing a couple piece of pizza for himself, making sure his laptop was in a safe and comfortable position. He'd been working on writing a proper press release about Shin's missed appearance. He'd have to run it through him before sending it out, but that was probably something that could wait until the morning. This was their time to unwind.

 

"I don't really have much opportunity to watch movies, so you can go ahead and pick. Besides, I'm interested in seeing what you like. It may turn out we have more in common than you originally thought." There was no way of breaching the silence on their earlier topic, so perhaps this was a better way of getting to know one another. His own story was old and irrelevant anyway. There was nothing Shin could do with information about Mamoru's old band except listen. Watching a movie together was something the two of them could use to build up a better relationship in the future. Or maybe to help create an image for Shin that wasn't so steeped in lies and falsehoods.

 

Honestly, though, Mamoru welcomed the opportunity to relax for a moment without thinking too hard about work. He'd just eat and watch a movie, and maybe fall asleep once he'd properly unwound. His own clothes were folded up on the table beside the box of doughnuts he'd brought for Shin that morning, pizzas sitting on the counter.

 

"I'm happy where I am, just so you know." That was all he really felt he needed to say about his old band, not wanting Shin to think that he was unhappy where he was now. He liked his current job, and the people he met through it. If he'd wanted to continue his life as an idol he would have, but he hadn't. It was as simple as that. Shin didn't have to wonder about any lingering regrets Mamoru might have had.