A memories that I don't want to remember..

[iamTK]

This is the reason why I don't want to try to recollect some part of my memories and I really hated it when it always subconsciously appeared it in my mind suddenly...

 

Confession Time: This memories of mine is no longer I knew since I always tend to forget some of my memories especially bad memories.

 

When I was a kid. I used to grew up without any friends nor talking to someone since my grandma was too much strict to me. In order for me to kill time in my boredom that time. I often read a book at the roof of our neighbor in the afternoon. The house of my grandma was used to be a little higher since we used to live in the 3rd floor and there's a window near at the kitchen where I used to climb to our neighbor's roof. In short, My favorite spot. Then, the next neighborhood house was a small apartment. It is a little bit higher too and same to us. There's a window too where you can use to climb to our neighbor's roof. Then there's a boy whose age is the same as me who used to live there. One time, He saw me in their window reading in the same spot. He asked me some few things and I guess that's the start of our friendship. We used to talk in the same spot spot, used to play in the same spot, used to tell some stories in the same spot. Our couple days of friendship remained happy until that day, a miserable day to came. Exactly as I go down to buy something outside. I heard a lot of commotion to the next neighborhood apartment. I never paid attention to it since I often used to think before "Do I gain merit if I try to be a bystander there too?" or something like that. BUT- I BOUND TO BE A BYSTANDER THAT DAY. The commotion in the neighborhood was due to someone who fell accidentally in the staircase. At first, I thought it was only a normal accident but a strong surge of fear and nervous engulfed me when I saw who's the person gotten in the accident. It was the boy (My friend) in the neighborhood apartment. He fell in the staircase which height is from the 3rd floor from the ground floor. His body is full of blood & a fragments of broken glasses because...because the same as me. He was bound to go outside too that time to buy something, a softdrinks since I heard it from one of the bystander too.

 

He used to still stand and walk a few meters just to cried out for help in one of us. The bystander. When one of elders who is in there, grabbed him and called for a vehicle. While he is being carried. I heard his voice, saying that "I can't go on Mr." to the person who tried to rescue him. It is way telling that he is surrendering. His voice is so small and trying his best to talk. A moments later. He is no longer a living human. He was dead on arrival. I was stand still there only upon hearing the words he said, being struck in my mind and seeing his blood stained in the street. That day, It was the first time I learned the meaning of "Death"

 

Until now, that friend of mine. Being silly here. That boy's name. I never tried to ask him. Till his death, I never knew his name.

 

Just sharing. "Memories are great but sometimes it will be the cause of your depression too"

[Kohaku tsubasa]

my horrible mom

 

when i was born my mother did not want me. she would not even touch me. sadly i was always dirt and filthy but she did not care. she would drop me and sibling off at our gramma's house. they took care of us. she never paid attention to us kids. i have to take care of my and my siblings at a young age. she always lied saying she would buy us stuff. one time she took us to Texas Mexico some where people all spoke Spanish. i sat on the door step lots of time waiting for her. she would get food then say "no this is my food" while me a little just want a little fry. then when i got older she made take of the house and my siblings. she took us for a year away from our dad and gramma. locked up in a dangerous and dirty house not allowed to go out side. then because my siblings would get hungry and eat 'her' food she locked up the fridge also the pantry. in addition her brother our uncle tried to take advantage of me. her husband tied me up like it was some game. we had to sneak her soda because she locked the fridge. she called me a lier when i took her that our uncle touched me.

then after i graduated high school she called and cussed me out because i left her and did not find her i a crowd of people. i have a party that i planned to go to. my old friend rode his bike to my house then to the school. he was tired and hot. my bf also walked up to the school from his house. another friend was on there way to my house i could not stay.

so my sibling tried to ruin their life so i accidentally got too upset and cussed at her. my mother came and took the phone she gave me. then she made me go to her fathers funeral who hated one of my siblings. we never had clothes that fit. she gave us old hand me downs that where all ready to worn out.her husband even throw some of our clothes outside. he also whipped us with a belt and made us stand in the corner in the middle of the night for stealing 'moms' soda when we where thirty.i always wondered why did she have me but i know it was so she could have some to clean up after her.

[Cryptconfessions]

The past

 

When I was 2 years old I got hospitalized. My parents would leave every night for their own jobs and my brother is at home because he is studying on those years. I got out of the hospital after 2 years, went home and realized that my father already left the country. Those time, I grew up without a father, not close to my mother and a stranger to my brother (even though I pester him a lot). My mother thought that I was just feeling strange to my surrounding after the two year confinement but it grew worst.

 

At the age of 7, second grade, I will walk alone and be alone. I have no friends at all. Other kids would call we 'weird' and sometimes they even destroy my works. Some girls tried to befriend me. I trusted them, cared for them, I treasured them. They betrayed me. I'm an outcast they say, that I don't belong there.

 

At age of 12, sixth grade, I sit alone at the table. My father got home and I met him again after 10 years. He got drunk, he beat my mom, he pulled my hair and ordered me to buy cigarettes which I declined to obey. He called me useless and I woke up next morning realizing that I got beaten 'til unconscious. After that night, my father acted like nothing happened even though I broke a rib and broke my arm.

 

Age 13, seventh grade, I told myself I'm done. I tried to kill myself for good but someone took the knife away from my grasp. My first love. He stayed with me on those years.

 

Age 14, I told him I love him but my emotion faltered after seeing him with another girl. the words I don't like you is still inside my skull. I guess, the person above wanted me to continue living to see this.

 

At my 16th birthday, I sat alone in front of a big celebration but they are the only one celebrating. . . not me. My mind is away, 16 years of existence. I have no friends, I have no close love ones, I'm basically a nobody.

[littlelier]

Age 8 - My Grandma and Mom fight because of my Big Sis, it was so scary I cried, I mean we cried. It was really horrifying. It was my Sis fault but my Grandma blamed it on Mom and my mom got hurt physically and emotionally. My dad wasn't even in our life then so no one was there to help my Mom ease her hurt.

Age 13 - My Mom and Dad got in a fight(not physically this time, thank God) but they talk of divorce and other thing it was super sad. It was my very first time seeing them fight. First fight and talking about divorce like their children aren't there with them in the same room. It sound like a funeral is taking place at the house, thank God it wasn't serious that they would actually divorce but I still want to forget that memories. I also got a glimpse of what a child with divorce parents might feel like. Very heart-breaking.

Age 15 - My Big Sis tried to kill herself, she said nobody wants her: parents, friends, and that the family will be better off without her. It break my heart, I tried not to think about it since that was the first time that somebody that I truly loved might die. It hurt and I finally understood a little glimpse of what it might feel like to lose a loved one. But my dad stopped her before she actually swallow the pills. Those dam pill, I still wondered where she got them. I mean we give her the best love we could offer. All we ask was for her to have an education and a job where she won't have to worry about food or money when she grew up...I guess I'm still angry at her for trying to leave us earlier than Fated. But I could never understand her, we had a age gape between us. But thankfully now she got a reason to live: her beautiful daughter, who's super sickly right now. But I hope she found other reasons to lived for.

 

@Cryptconfessions That really is a sad life, even I wouldn't want to remember them. But I hope it's in the Past like you wrote: 'The past"

@Kohaku tsubasa I'm sorry, I hope life make it up for them

@iamTK I know of death but never in that form, so I wouldn't want to remember that either. But I hope you'd never experience things like that again,like where realization hit you like a wreaking ball in the least comforting way.

 

And thanks for sharing your burden you carry in your hearth with us

[1978]

11 years ago, I lost the way home

 

Last January, I fell off my moped and damaged it (-_-")

[0ddpill]

This is nuts...how do you guys can share stuff like this so easily? I don't get it... Maybe some people like letting all out than keeping it inside themselves I guess.

[rainbowman]

^

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I totally agree to you. But somehow I appreciate people who can share to lessen their burdens. Sometimes we need someone we can share every bit of our darkpast so we can become calm and at ease. Like how people come out of the closet because of what happened through their lives.

 

But still, I'm not as strong as them to share my own. Only few knows my dark past.