Zeitgeist – Hetalia RP [iaintinnocent&Hideki] (Private)

[iaintinnocent]

Despite embarrassment, Gilbert was glad when Ludwig caught his lips into a deep kiss, busying himself by exploring the inner of his older brother's mouth. That way he didn't need to answer every damn questions his brother had bombarded him with. And as much as Gilbert said pretty little white lies--which he didn't count classified the "lie he wouldn't tell"--, he would always prefer to keep his mouth shut towards sensitive topic like this. This time, he believed the saying "silence is golden" was definitely the best.

 

Gilbert swore he melt into Ludwig's mouth as the taller touched his body. The blond seemed so skillful and used to it he even did tricks that actually felt great with his tongue--the way it teasingly touched Gilbert's warm one was so arousing Gilbert realized his cock had grown into full hardness. Ludwig pulled away only for undressing himself and that was the first time he saw how big his brother's gun down there.

 

 

Blush crept into the surface of his skin, turning the once pale face all red to his ears and he felt chill run down his spine. Excited, check.

 

But if I'm really bottoming, how does he expect me to take that huge thing!

Scared, check.

 

And since the fuck when did my little brother start to surpass me in every single aspect! even dick matter?! Gosh!

Jealous, check.

 

 

Gilbert huffed quietly like an angry kid, completely envious that his baby brother had better girth than him. But the frown in his face gone almost immediately when Ludwig's hand wrapped around both of their erections and gave them a couple of nice strokes. He threw his head to the side, clearly wanting to swallow the grunts of pleasure as he considered it embarrassing--he knew how loud he could be in bed when one pushed the right buttons.

 

Then the Prussian did as Ludwig told him to get on all fours; struggling to roll over while being extra careful with his broken right arm. With one useless arm and the only one working was needed to support his weight (he didn't want to suffocate into the sheets while Ludwig pounded him, okay?), he had nothing to spread his ass cheeks like the other wanted. So Gilbert supported his body on his left arm and laid forward, arm sling hanging awkwardly between his chest and the sheets as he pushed his hips back, ass high in the air, red cheeks opened and in a clear view for Ludwig to ogle at.

 

Mein Gott, this is goddamn embarrassing.., Gilbert mumbled to himself, squeezing his eyes shut as the quick beats of his heart echoing in his ears. "C'mon, hurry up..."

[-Hideki-]

Ludwig smirked widely as he had clearly seen the way the older man had looked at his body and his manhood and how he had blushed and how envious he had stared at his cock. There had been clear excitement and attraction written in his face though and the blond definitely would demand answers to the questions Gilbert had ignored later. He especially wanted to know why he had reacted with such an aversion and had panicked like this when he had a) known that he liked penetration and b) was that obviously attracted to the younger man’s body after all and he didn’t seem to find any part of him unattractive at all. He really couldn’t make much sense out of the other man’s actions and really was at a loss as to what he had wanted to achieve by sending him contradictory signals that had been a little confusing to the taller man.

 

His attention went back to Gilbert completely when the other had finally shifted around and was presenting him his arse and his delicious hole. Ludwig’s blue eyes blinked hungrily as he took his time to take in this sight that was only heating him up further. When he was told to hurry he laughed teasingly. “No, I want to take in and memorise this hot sight of you displaying your sexy arse and exposing your hole for me for eternity.” He told him in a cocky tone of voice before both of his hands firmly grabbed and squeezed the other’s buttcheeks. Feeling and touching that arse he had always found hot and tempting made him want to touch it with his tongue as well so he let his wet, hot tongue lick over the marks, bruises and small wounds he had caused the other by beating him with the whip before, the taste of iron and salt filling his mouth while he was now caressing him with his hands and his tongue.

 

The blond left the marks and wounds alone and spread the other open some more teasing the man’s hole by brushing over it with a finger of his bare hand before he reached out his other arm for the bottle with the lubricant that he had made since something like this was not available to buy anywhere and he had doubted that there would ever come a time where they would sell this in stores and men like him could buy it without getting arrested immediately. So he had had to learn to make this, another soldier had actually told him before he had gotten too drunk to clearly memorise anything anymore and even though he had pretended to not listen that closely he sure had and he had noted it in his mind.

 

He drenched his gloved hand in the lube applied a shit ton of it onto and into the other’s hole, entering two of his finger’s that were covered in black leather and the lube. The blond just let his fingers be for a moment, even though he couldn’t keep himself from pressing against the other’s prostate since teasing him was just too tempting to not do it, before he moved them and opened the older man up properly always examining the reaction of Gilbert’s body. “Don’t hold back any noises from me as you have done when I stroke your dick. I want to hear you moan and scream for me.” He let him know and pulled his fingers out of the Prussian’s arse when he felt that the other was opened and relaxed enough.

 

Taking the lube again he did with his dick what he had done with the lighter haired male’s arse before, drowning it in lube, and then rubbed his rock hard thing against that cute virgin (at least to the real thing) hole and he let out a deep growl as the tip of his cock was going in. Ludwig had been so generous with the lube to minimise the other’s concerns – they could have bathed in it - that he could bury his whole length into him rather smoothly even though Gilbert had never taken a dick in his arse and he was huge.

 

The other’s hole was so amazingly tight around him, much tighter than those experienced soldiers he had fucked, that he let out a small moan as he entered and started to thrust into him lightly and slowly at first, only slightly hitting the other’s prostate but not hammering onto it just yet since he had promised to go easy on him. Ludwig leaned over a little and a dirty smirk was appearing on his aroused, horny face. “How do you like to have my dick buried inside of you completely like this? Doesn’t it feel good? No wench could ever give you and make you feel what I can Gilbert!” he declared as he was already going faster and harder his well aimed thrusts pressing the older man’s sweet-spot quite intensely already while he was definitely restraining himself and holding himself back.

[iaintinnocent]

When his spanked red cheeks was sensually lapped , Gilbert gasped silently and squeezed his eyes shut. The foreign feeling of hypersensitivity tickled every single of his nerves. Ever since his ass was beaten he got ticklish, as if the gentlest touch could electrify his being.

 

Gilbert was flushed red to his ears. He didn't know and didn't want to know if Ludwig intented to humiliate him this way, because that dirty talking was obviously mocking--if not arousing.

 

God, what's gotten into me...

 

The whole time the Prussian who was forced into submission tried to bite down his voice. At least if his younger brother really wished to embarrass him, he wouldn't give into it easily (he got the pride of the German blood flow in him too anyway).

But that was left as a mere thought when the platinum blond felt two fingers penetrating his well lubed hole. First a small wince, nothing too loud since he got kind of used to the feeling. But then a lewd moan mixed in gasp rang through the air suddenly as the tip of Ludwig's fingers prodded on his sweet spot.

 

He grabbed the bedsheet with his healthy arm, tucking his face into his neck as attempt to hide his expression. The spot which from he had lost his mind and had introduced him to this ecstacy. How fast Ludwig had found it amazed Gilbert because ha had spent almost an hour just to find the right angle for him to tease with his fingers when he was jacking off.

 

He ignored Ludwig's complain about him being too quiet. Until this time his voice was still barely heard, Gilbert just weighted his focus on the fingering, trying to relax as much as his muscles let and obediently laid down as Ludwig told him to. He said what would they do if Roderich heard out his naughty voices. Besides... there are workers down there too... He definitely wouldn't want to get caught being fucked into the matress with his ass all red like a rent boy.

The feeling was great and it'd be perfect of only Ludwig hadn't neglected his cock and play with it too while teasing his insides.

Still it felt good like thia and he was so confused and bashful at himself when Ludwig pulled away his hands and he noticed how lonely his hole became.

 

It didn't last long, though, because the second after Gilbert felt something hot and wet was pressed into it. Now slowly and subconsciously rebuilding wall of fright, he gritted his teeth hard as Ludwig's cock thrust into him. It was surprisingly and not surprisingly (did you see how Ludwig squeezed out, like, half the tube?) almost frictionless; but he couldn't say it didn't feel weird. The biggest he had let entered was two fingers, let alone Ludwig's massive girth. The way it stretched him out kind of stung, at first. Thank God his brother had kept his promise and been being extra careful not to ram too hard into him. Only when Gilbert thought he could adjust and--admitted that-- he actually enjoyed this, Ludwig started to sped up.

 

It surprised him, feeling as if air knocked out of his chest when he felt the tip of that hot hard erection thrust into that sensitive bundle of nerves inside him. That's when the Prussian saw stars.

 

He groaned out load Ludwig's name. This was surely far better than what he had experienced in the brothels.

 

Heat pooled in his stomach, legs shaking as his hips were pounded hard. The way his body sway back and forth made his nipples unintentionally brush against the sheets and it only added to the building pleasure. Oh no, he better not start getting addicted to this.

[-Hideki-]

A self-satisfied smirk crossed his face as he was ramming his hard cock into the older male and heard the other groaning and moaning his name. It was even better to hear Gilbert loudly moaning his name in pleasure than he had imagined it – and he had imagined it while jerking off quite a lot – and it only turned him on more and made his thrusts become more eager hitting the man’s prostate more mercilessly. “You really do love my dick inside you, don’t you Gilbert? I wanna hear you scream my name in such a lusty way some more!” the blond man commented with a sexual, husky voice.

 

The more pleasure he caused the other to feel the more the Prussian’s muscles constricted and the more the other man’s hole was grabbing and clenching around his throbbing rod of meat and making him feel incredible. As he was pounding into the other, his balls slamming onto the older male’s arse, Gilbert’s hole was trying to devour his thick cock and Ludwig’s hands were grabbing the other’s waist more strongly and his finger’s buried themselves into the white flesh of the lighter haired male in return, as he left out an animalistic deep growl of pleasure.“Your lewd hole is amazing Gilbert, it’s greedily sucking my dick in like that.” The German said between heavy breathes and it was clearly sounding through just how aroused he was.

 

He was on fire and sweat was glistering on his naked body and his mind was going blank. Finally all his worries and concerns that always tormented him and caused him to have a nervous stomach were turned off for this moment and he wasn’t thinking anymore, he just felt the ecstasy running through him as he allowed another deep moan to escape him as he felt that he was getting closer to climax even though he didn’t want to. He wanted to feel the pleasure and be inside of the other some more; he didn’t want it to end just yet.

[iaintinnocent]

The more Ludwig dirty talked, the harder to breathe it was for the older brother. Blush had covered his ears, sweat glistening on his pale skin made it ever so contrast. He remembered how the younger of the two had promised to be gentle and wondered if this was his meaning for softcore, he wondered how harsh Ludwig could be in bed--a little bit of sado-maso was always a thing for the German blood flowing in him, and unlike the other blond he didn't tend to be the latter, honestly. He squeezed his eyes shut and blamed himself for imagining how it'd feel to being completely dominated because it embarrassingly made his neglected cock throb excitedly. God, he's going crazy--never he had been like this before, so hungry for being manhandled like a mere whore.

 

"Aaah... Lud--Luddy," he moaned out, mind clouded, eyes droopy in the weight of lust. He really wished for the other to hold his cock and give it a stroke to climax, because he certainly felt he wouldn't last long, but the way Ludwig ram mercilessly onto his prostate made Gilbert sure he could even come untouched. "Lud--c'mon, I wanna--aaah! nhh--" he bit his lip, laying his forehead on his arm as he felt like flying to the seventh heaven. "coming, coming!"

[-Hideki-]

“What?” Ludwig asked trying to pull off a fake innocent tone and smile but the smile got taken over by the pleasure displayed on his face and a deep lusty growl followed. “What is it you want Gilbert?” the blond man brought himself to say in a nearly clear and teasing voice trying to not let show that he was in ecstasy and close as well because he wanted the older man to say it. He wanted him to say that he craved for the younger German to touch his cock. To admit that he longed for more of his touch, that he wanted all of this too just as much as he did, that he wanted to feel his calloused hands paying attention to his dick.

 

However before he could bring the Prussian to do so the platinum haired man had a prostate orgasm and the way the other’s muscle was strangling his dick was pushing the blond, who had been feeling close to climax before already, over the edge and he was moaning deeply when his fingers were digging into the other’s flesh and he was ramming his thick dick into him another time before his mind went blank and he came a lot inside of the older male’s hole filling him up with his seeds.

 

His heart was racing, his breathes were heavy and he let his cock remain where it was, buried inside of Gilbert, for another moment before he pulled it out with a pleased and satisfied wide grin on his face. He turned the older male around to face his blue gaze again, the grin still on his face. Ludwig smiled like a toddler who had just gotten his new favourite toy as a present, just a tad more teasingly.

 

The man leaned over to the other and wildly and passionately kissed him, knotting his tongue together with the other male’s tongue. When their lips parted because he had to breathe, his breathe was hot and a little shaky even but his grin had turned even wider and the Cheshire cat would clearly lost that battle.

“You must have really enjoyed yourself.” He whispered into his ear. “I made you cum just from fucking your arse without even touching your cock.” He said in a triumphing way, as if he had just won some very important battle.

 

“I hope you understand...” he started and reached his calloused hand to Gilber’s balls massaging him a little before he started to play around with the man’s dick, “.... that no wench in the world is any match for me and that I am superior to Elizabetha or any of them. That I am deserving of your love.” The blond said kissing the man’s jaw, his lips still curled up in a smile. “I love you and I can make you the happiest man on this planet, I want to lay down the world before you, if you just let me and say that I am the one you want and that you will give yourself to me. I want you to be mine and mine alone Gilbert!”

[iaintinnocent]

It took only a few more thrusts for Ludwig to ejaculate after Gilbert's twitching walls closed around his manhood, giving a delicious tightness as he rode his climax. The Prussian's jaw dropped as he dragged a moan out his lips, eyes closed reveling in the ecstasy of sex. Lukewarm liquid soon began to fill him and he knew his brother had just come inside him. They stayed locked for a while, giving Gilbert the time to catch his breath and experience how the tingling sensation began to creep up his whole being.

 

When he was flipped over, Ludwig's sperm leaked out of his hole, dripping down his thigh, and Gilbert almost didn't realize the sticky thing down his leg. His limbs felt like boneless. At that moment if you wanted to play puppets with his body, it would most likely do the best. Besides the overwhelming pleasure, in which he swore he could still the pulsating feelings against his walls even when Ludwig had pulled away, this whole new experience tired him out. He laid on his back with Ludwig on the top of him, running his hands all over Gilbert's glistening, reddish skin, and all the platinum blond could do was throw his head back and breathe through his nose. A small whimper left his mouth when his crotch was once again touched and fondled, the over stimulation was a little too mind blowing.

 

He was exhausted, his hole was throbbing, all of a sudden he felt empty and full at the same time. Lips moving weakly when being kissed, giving the younger of the two the full privilege to claim his mouth. Gilbert then heard Ludwig talk but his hazy mind didn't translate that into something significant. All he could think about was how he had just had sex with his own brother by blood. How he had Ludwig's seeds filling him up to the brim and was so full of it he might get pregnant--if only he had womb. How he had given up his innocence to his only sibling and how he had liked that.

 

Ludwig was still talking, he knew it was directed to him, but he was too distracted to notice what he was talking about. Besides his eyes were heavy and as if he had just gulped down some relaxing pills, he suddenly felt drowsy.

 

"Hnn... Lud..," he just muttered, barely audible under his breath, eyes completely closed as he relaxed in the other's arms, passing out into the dreamland.

[-Hideki-]

Seeing his sperm leaking out of the older man’s hole and running down his thighs was incredibly hot to Ludwig and it turned him on again. To him this wasn’t done, he still felt heated and horny and he wanted more while his lust that seemed insatiable at that moment just overwhelmed and was clearly too much for Gilbert as he continued to touch the lighter haired male’s body not really aware that he was overdoing it at this point.

 

After he had talked he wanted a clear answer from the other, after this he was deserving of an answer and of the other giving him an honest response but he didn’t get one. His older brother was just lying there in his arms mumbling his name in a way that made it obvious to him that he hadn’t even listened to what he had just said and that angered him and his muscles went tense but relaxed again when he saw that Gilbert had just fallen asleep on him. Ludwig laughed quietly at that looking into the platinum head’s face that looked oddly at ease and peaceful even, “That much for sucking my cock huh?”he let hear another laugh. The blond man let his hand run through his hair in a gentle manner and pressed a kiss to his forehead remaining in bed for a few minutes before he carefully got out of the bed.

 

The German collected all the parts of his black uniform from the ground and the bed, looked out of the door to see if anyone was on the floor or the stairs before he left the room, naked, his clothes in his arms and headed for the bathroom since he couldn’t afford laying in bed next to sleeping Gilbert the whole day, beside that Roderich would be waiting for him then since it was close to lunch time already.

 

When the blond man who currently held his black uniform in his arms and whose face was now looking even more self-satisfied and arrogant as he apparently had gotten another ego boost entered the bathroom an angered face that belonged to normal Ludwig in the grey uniform disappointedly stared at him out of the mirror. “What have you done to him? How dare you do this!” he screamed what only made the other version’s smirk go wider. “I did what you always wanted but were too scared and too much of a coward to do. I take everything that I want because I deserve everything I want. I don’t care about what the others might think of me. You have let them trample on you, you have done everything as they expected to please people and to be perfect and how have they repaid you? Have they respected you? Liked you? Loved you? No! So why bother or consider them. I am a better, less pathetic version.” He said and turned his back onto the mirror before he disappeared under the shower.

[iaintinnocent]

Gilbert was awoken to the sounds of birds chirping noisily by the window sill. Hurts... everywhere hurts.

Long groan echoed in the room as he stretched his tensed body and opened his eyes. His room ceiling. Oh, he had just woken up. So was that all a dream?

 

As if wanting to slap Gilbert off his drowsy state, the sharp ache in his ass gave him almost an immediate answer. That only brought silence in the room, even Gilbert didn't dare to move nor check--oh he needn't, he could feel the sticky substance between his legs already. Another undeniable fact that he and Ludwig truly had just fucked. Left in a daze, Gilbert didn't even realize he had skipped both breakfast and lunch by now--it's only when his battle wounds cried for its daily medication (supposted to be digested after meal) did he notice how empty his stomach was.

 

Gilbert stared blankly up the ceiling. His emotion right then was a bundling of a literal mess. He was regretting and angry for not struggling free to snatch back his own freewill off Ludwig's grasp. He's sad, he really wanted to cry--he must have had disappointed his grandpa at heaven for letting his owm brother doing all of this inappropriate things to him. But on the most top of it all, he was ashamed and scared at himself, for actually enjoying it through.

 

Gilbert had been making excuse the first time he felt pleasure running south his body, that it was just merely his body naturally reacting to sensual touches. That it was Ludwig's skilful hands who were in charge for making him hear his own nasty, wanton noises he never knew existed. That it wasn't simply because the partner was his own beloved Ludwig.

 

But now he was out of the ecstasy he was forced to face his feelings and the reality. That made him think that if he was forced into sex by other people out of his will, he would have strongly rejected it. Gilbert was only injured a little--okay, not so little, but still he was once the best soldier in the battle field, he could at least kick around and punch that person, whatever to fight for his dignity.

 

But what did he do under Ludwig's commanding tone? He's writhing like a female dog pleading to be bred and actually ramming his ass back to feel more of that hard girth on his sweetspot. It was because the person was Ludwig. It's because of how much he had cared for his brother he didn't fight back. For his stressed and sexually frustrated little brother who had his orientation distorted because of confusion. As a good big brother he did that.

 

Right. That must be it. His unending brotherly love for Ludwig.

 

Though it didn't feel right to what his heart had been screaming at him but Gilbert tried to swallow his deduction wholly. He couldn't love his own sibling in that way, right? What would his people say? What would Roderich say?

 

He didn't want to be stared down with filthy looks from them.

 

With a sigh, Gilbert tried to stand up and began to tidy things up a little bit. After making sure that no visible white stain on the bed linen, he wobbly dragged his legs into the empty bathroom and sat in the tub. He run the water while he was in it, throwing his head back and tried to relax in the warm water. He really needed to eat after this, if he didn't wish to pass out. And so he made a mental note to eat whatever edible downstairs, after thinking of a way to walk downstairs without looking funny with his hips and ass hurting as hell.

[-Hideki-]

Clean and orderly dressed in the black uniform again he walked down the stairs, his blue eyes gloving ambitiously and his lips still forming a smirk. When he entered the living room Roderich had stopped playing the piano and sat on the sofa reading the newspaper. “Where have you been all this time! Don’t you have work to do? I was waiting for you to have lunch. It can’t have taken you that long to scold your brother, talking of whom where is he? And have you showered another time?” Roderich started to complain but the smirk didn’t disappear from Ludwig’s face. “I am still five minutes early for lunch. And Gilbert has fallen asleep again so we will have to eat without him.” He said sitting down next to the Austrian man who now put the newspaper away. “Fallen asleep? First he overslept and then he falls asleep again short after during lunch time, what is wrong with him these days. He was many things back in the day but not that lazy.” Roderich scolded even though the Prussian wasn’t around anyway. “It’s his wounds.” Ludwig said and put some food onto Roderich’s plate that the brunette had already brought into the living room. “His wounds!? Stop making excuses for him. His wounds are healing well and aren’t that bad anymore.”

 

While they were eating the smirk on the blond male’s face just didn’t want to leave what brought Roderich to look at him questioningly. “What is with that self-satisfied smirk of yours? It’s distracting. Stop doing that!” he demanded but Ludwig’s smirk only grew wider what made the Austrian slap him against the back of his head what made Ludwig laugh what displeased Roderich who went on scolding the blond.

 

After they had had lunch and Ludwig had cleaned the coffee table it was full with his maps and plans and paper work again and this time he and the Austrian hung over the maps together planning their war and what steps they wanted to take and while they were discussing the time was flying by and after a few hours he could here footsteps from upstairs and he knew that Gilbert must be awake now and was heading for the bathroom what brought a dirty grin to his face that didn’t escape Roderich’s eyes. “What is wrong with you? What a filthy, inappropriate facial expression! This is not the face someone of our noble blood should make Ludwig!” he was scolded by the brunette once more but that didn’t make the dirty grin disappear from the blond male’s face even though he was trying now because the Austrian’s scolding was annoying. But thinking about that he really had sex with Gilbert and the pleased and lusty facial expressions as well as those noises the older male had made and that the other had definitely enjoyed this was just too great. He wanted to do that more, he wanted to show the other his love this way more and he wanted those answers from the other.

[iaintinnocent]

Gilbert swore he had heard ruckus even before he stepped into the stairs; mumbles and arguments were to be heard unclearly with the background noises of hammers against wood of the workers in the kitchen. He had bathed, almost taking half an hour to rinse the sweat and other bodily fluids off his skin and another quarter an hour to dress up in the uniform. Now if it wasn't for the food his stomach had been crying for, Gilbert would have preferred to stay in his bedroom all day, without having to interact with other people. He was so scared that they would find out about the real reason he figetted in his seat and couldn't stand straight.

 

When he reached downstairs, he was met with a messy living room, filled with documents and paper works so it was a mess both Ludwig and Roderich could tolerate. He saw the map of the world hanging on one of the walls, black and red markers all over the paper. Only one explanation came to mind; war strategies.

 

So... it's about to happen, huh? Gilbert mused. The revenge...

 

"Good afternoon," he called, walking straight into the dining room right after. He had greeted nicely, right? Because fuck manners, he needed to eat right now. He took two portion of the meal and started digging in, either it was good or bad Gilbert couldn't even taste properly. The memory of Ludwig's warm wet tongue invading his mouth still haunted him.

[-Hideki-]

When Gilbert appeared in the living room Ludwig and Roderich were still sitting over a map and when the Prussian greeted them – what definitely pleased the blond since the other had tried to avoid and ignore him in the morning – both men looked up to him with two completely different expression. Ludwig’s blue eyes blinked up and his lips formed a dirty smirk yet another time – much to Roderich’s dismay - when he was looking into the older male’s red eyes. “Good afternoon sleepyhead!” he said in a clear and joyful tone of voice when the Austrian barged in. “Good afternoon he says walking in here after he has slept the whole damn day and done absolutely nothing and doesn’t even have the propriety of joining us for lunch when he has already missed breakfast.” He scolded. “What have you done after you had come down the first time, tell me? Stared into space?” he barked definitely displeased. “Roderich...” Ludwig said to calm the Austrian down but it didn’t quite work. “No! This behaviour of his is not acceptable! And I am out of pins to put on the map.” He complained. “What do you need more pins for you have literally put them everywhere already?” the blond asked. “Give me more pins!” he ordered and Ludwig raised his eyebrows shaking his head before he stood up from the sofa to fetch another box of pins.

 

As he passed the armchair Gilbert was sitting in he laid his gloved hand onto his shoulder and leaned over so that his mouth was near the other’s ear again. “You’ve certainly enjoyed yourself quite a lot Gilbert and now you owe me some answers. You can’t run from answering and being honest with me forever, love!” he whispered in a demanding and yet affectionate way, his lips forming a grin. And when he let go of the other’s shoulder and was about to walk further he turned his head around to the Platinum haired again looking at him in a sexual way what confused the shit out of Roderich who had not heard any of their interaction but who found both of their behaviour incredibly weird. “What the hell is the matter with you two today?” he wanted to know but instead of an answer he got the box of pins pressed into his soft hand by the blond. “Your pins!” he said.

[iaintinnocent]

Gilbert couldn't help not to look away when such smouldering gaze was shot his way. How else do you expect him to react, when the memory of that lusty gaze brought along the imaginary hard thrust against his sweetest spot that had sent him over the ed--Gilbert reddened. God, what had gotten into him? Why couldn't he just stop thinking about that, damn, it's too distracting.

 

 

His ears were itchy when he heard that annoying, ever so familiar voice belonged to the Austrian. He'd eat worms alive rather than let Roderich scold him all he wanted. So after he ate, Gilbert stood up and walked to couch and sat down calmly, trying to axt as naturally as possible with his sore ass.

 

Despite his nervousness towards Ludwig's behaviour, Gilbert would do his best not to fish out suspicions upon him. And so he began to tease Roderich and laughed his usual annoying giggle, that one weird laugh he sure knew the Austrian hated and smirked up at the brunet. "Chill, Young Master. That scowl brings more wrinkles to your already old skin."

 

He knew Ludwig hated to be ignored so to feed his ego, Gilbert asked him to help change his bandages and arm sling after this (come on, he was wounded, tired, and had just been sexually assaulted. It's only okay to be spoiled, right?) even though he wasn't able still to look straight into those orbs.

 

"So, who are we fighting after the recovery?"

[-Hideki-]

“I’m not getting old I am ripening like a quality wine whereas your glory clearly fades.” The blond heard the Austrian answer to Gilbert’s remark with his brunette head held high and his back straight. Ludwig wasn’t interested in their banter, he never had participated in this and he wouldn’t start to so he ignored the both of them while they were quarrelling and concentrated on the map and his war again with the focus of one event that he was planning on the border, the idea for this he had gotten from Roderich so it had surprised him that it had actually been a clever idea since the aristocrat wasn’t known for being a military man he was known for other qualities.

 

Ludwig was thrown out of his thoughts when Gilbert turned to him – well he didn’t look at him and didn’t get close to him but he was at least speaking to him – asking him to change his bandages and make him a new arm sling. The younger one turned around to him and looked into the other’s face. “Of course.” He said with a small smile. “We can do this right away. The medical kit is upstairs though so we’ll have to go up again.” The blond in the black uniform said as he stood up from the sofa to head upstairs with the other right away.

 

Then he got another question concerning his plans and his lips turned into a wide smirk again but this one was different from the dirty sexual grin and it had something incredibly dangerous. “First I will take back what’s mine, what means that we’ll face Feliks and Francis and then I will expand our living territory to the East.” he let him know. “What is with your bandages now or do you want me to carry you up again? I’ve seen you’re walking funny.” He said a little amused.

[iaintinnocent]

When Ludwig agreed to help him changing the bandages, Gilbert slightly tensed up and kind of regretted his decision. He didn't realize that the box of medication was upstairs and that only meant another moment of awkward alone time with him. But Gilbert couldn't take it back, moreover after said brother had headed towards the stairs and motioned him to come along. That, if he didn't want Roderich to complain and get suspicious at their strangr behavior. mpre than he already had.

 

So with heavy steps, he walked up behind his younger brother, trying to give as much distance as Ludwig would allow. He hummed in acknowledging at the revenge plan. Gilbert knew Ludwug had always been hardworking and ambitious about victory; he himself had been either. But there was something in that cold voice of the blond that sounded so terrifying, like it screamed frustration and anger that had piled up since the day they lost the war and when Francis and Arthur humiliated him. Like he promised them malice and sorrow.

 

Gilbert was rubbing the back of his nape, trying to kill the goosebumps when the next question made his face redden. The Prussian grumbled "shut up" weakly as he tried to focus himself on climbing upstairs. "You can always fetch the box downstairs, why should we bother go up?" he complained with a huff, though no real aggression was heard in his voice.

[-Hideki-]

“Why are you blushing?” Ludwig teased the other turning his head towards him after his older brother had told him to shut it.

The smile on his lips didn’t fade away when Gilbert complained that the blond didn’t carry the medication box downstairs. “Ja, I sure could but I don’t want to.” He answered. “Besides I thought that you would rather answer to my questions in confidence and without Roderich listening.” The German added and opened the door to the other’s room.

 

While he was getting the box the lighter haired was following into the room and Ludwig pointed at the bed “Sit.” He said searching for what he needed in the box before he took it and put the box away. The muscular man in the black uniform walked over to the bed and placed himself closely next to Gilbert, laid the stuff onto the bed as well before he slowly began to unbutton the Prussian’s uniform jacket and the shirt under it. When he made the fabric slide down from the other’s shoulders he smiled into his face and let his callused hand run over the other’s torso before he got even closer and started to undo the dirty bandages.

 

At the same time he brought his face close to the older man’s so that their lips almost met but didn’t after all. “Now it’s time for some answers Gilbert, honest answers. Be honest to yourself and to me.” He breathed. “You’re clearly attracted to me Gilbert, you desire my body. I have seen it, you know it’s true. You desire me like I desire you. Why did you scream and refuse me that vigorously then when you also knew that you liked penetration?” he repeated the question from before they had had sex and then went over to address the other open questions.

 

“I know you enjoyed it and that you loved every minute of getting fucked and feeling my dick inside. You even came from having your arse fucked alone. I am much more superior to any wench you could find on this planet. And on top of that I truly love you Gilbert!” he assured him. “As I have told you when you fell asleep on me, I want to give the world to you, lay it down at your feat but for me to do this you have to say it, say that you love me too and that you want me and only me as well and I’ll make happy and I’ll make you mine. I want you to be mine! And now I want you to answer me and say something, I deserve your honest answer after this.”

[iaintinnocent]

The way Ludwig said that made Gilbert flushed red. How could he talk about sex lile it was nothing? Graphically at the top of it all. That being said brought back the memories of hours earlier when the Prussian was laid in bed, legs parted while having Ludwig between his thighs, slamming into him.

Chill ran down the older man's back as he looked away. Though once again Ludwig pulled him closer with nowhere to escape.

 

"Y-you're too close..."

Gilbert, embarrassed, just weakly pushed his brother's face away from his own, eyebrows frowned slightly--though his uncharacteristically gentle demeanor explained much that he didn't intend to fight Ludwig for dominance over this.

 

He fully regretted asking him for help that moment. Because like what happened when his head was full of the thought nd the stress to reach ejaculation before, Ludwig once again asked him the same mindblowing questions yet again. To be honest Gilbert didn't know what to respond.

 

If thr younger talked about love, of course Gilbert loved his brother. He cared about him as his own and only close sibling. But he knew this wasn't the love Ludwig talked about. And did Gilbert really enjoy sex with him? Did that mean he desired his body only?

 

Well... he kind of didn't mind that? Also, who he was to say Ludwig was unattractive? He's the exact definition of sex appeal.

 

But I... only enjoyed that because he's hitting good spots! But my ass all sore now and I hate it, thought Gilbert as he considered what to say. But if he was being honest about this confusion, Ludwig in his strange temperamental state was to be guaranteed going to get mad at him and cause a scene and get even more unwanted attention than they already had from other people.

 

So at least for now, pretty little lies wouldn't hurt. "I.., of course, I mean. I love you too," mumbled the used-to-be cheeky guy, now rather sheepishly.

 

You're my dearest brother anyway...

 

But he swallowed it back.

[-Hideki-]

Even though he wrapped the other in clean and fresh bandages his blue gaze was fixated on the other man’s eyes and face and when Gilbert, still didn’t really respond to his questions, but spoke or rather forced something to come out of his mouth a deeply displeased look appeared in the blond man’s eyes and he wrapped the bandages around him faster and much more indifferent to how it ended up. “Do you think I am dumb Gilbert?” he asked yet another question he didn’t expect being answered. “I know you nearly all my life and I can tell when you’re lying to me and you should know that there isn’t anything I hate more than being lied to.” The blond said. “If you really truly loved me I could sense it and hear it in your voice but you’re stuttering like an idiot pressing something that you’re not meaning out.” He said and sighed. “It’s no use though. I have apparently been wrong about you. Apparently your body just takes whatever it gets huh?” Ludwig said with a cynic cold laugh, got up and put what he hadn’t needed back into the medication box heading for the door before he turned around again.

 

“No worries, I won’t touch you anymore.” The blond let him know and then grinned into Gilbert’s face. “You won’t receive anything from me anymore. Since you don’t even honour me with honesty and an answer to my questions, since you have apparently degenerated to a spineless liar you are not deserving of my love.”Ludwig said coldly. “I will lay the world down before myself and I will achieve my goals without you. I don’t need you for this! About the war, you can participate as my ally if you want. I will treat you as an ally then but not as anything more than this but I honestly don’t care what you’re doing. As far as I am concerned you can stay in your room and play with your birds if you want to.” He told him and opened the door. “And Gilbert, if you ever need an idiot to change your bandages, prepare dinner for you, care about you, help you, lift you up when you’re down again, you can either ask Roderich or one of the whores from those brothels but not me. I’m done with you as anything but my ally.” the black uniformed said and slammed the door close behind himself.

 

As calmly and as coldly as he had talked he was raging and hurting inside even more. He smashed his fist into the wall and felt how his arm was disappearing in a huge hole he had just punched into it. For a moment the surprise about this numbed the anger and the pain in him but it was only for a few seconds. Ludwig could hear Roderich running up the stairs. “What was that!?” he wanted to know in his scolding tone but his arrogant demeanour changed when he saw the sad figure in the black uniform standing there, one arm inside the wall and the other hand pressed over his mouth. Concern appeared on the Austrian’s face and his dark blue eyes went softer than they usually were. “Ludwig? Are you alright?” he asked. The blond didn’t answer and pulled his arm out of the wall and he was clearly hurting. “What has this idiot done again?” Roderich said loud enough so that Gilbert could hear it in his room and laid his arm around the blond male’s shoulder. “I don’t know what he has said or done but he’s an idiot and you should forget about it. Let’s head downstairs, we drink some tea and I play the piano for you. That always calmed you down and cheered you up when you were little.” The brunette said guiding the lovesick megalomaniac version of Ludwig down the stairs before he let out a sigh. “I am sorry that I wasn’t strong enough to keep you and he took you from me back then. Maybe if I had fought more vigorously ....” the Austrian said but the blond shook his head. “No.” He just answered. “It’s not your fault.” He added and sat down on the sofa where Roderich gave him a tea. “As everyone else he is just so ungrateful and he doesn’t value me, thinks he can lie to me and doesn’t truly .... he doesn’t deserve my love.” The German said and Roderich hugged him. “No he doesn’t. They’ve all disappointed you and he has disappointed you too.” The Austrian said without knowing what kind of love the blond was even talking about.

[iaintinnocent]

What now, Gilbert mumbled under his breath when that cynical laugh-snort rang in the air. Did he say something wrong again? Come on, the Prussian truly did not lie when he told Ludwig he loved him—well, it’s definitely a truth because Ludwig was his only beloved younger brother and the blond didn’t really specify what kind of love he meant to ask so it’s technically not a lie, isn’t it?

 

Then his confusion was twisted into irritation. He couldn’t believe ears, he had never ever heard his younger brother talked so low of him like that. I’d take whatever I got? C’mon, I’m not the one being gay at the first place, it’s impossible for me to even imagining doing it with other men. The platinum blond clicked his tongue and frowned. He really wanted to say “I did that because I thought you needed comfort, and that’s all only based on my love as your big brother, goddamn it”, but didn’t anyway.

Annoyed, Gilbert frowned and averted his gaze, explicitly showing that he disliked that. He couldn’t believe those impudent words just left his brother’s mouth, he didn’t raise that boy to be impolite.

But that’s not even the ending to this whole emotional rollercoaster. He got one more thing that had his eyes wide open, shocked. Gilbert swore he could feel his heart sunk at the mention of the war strategy, about Ludwig’s plan to just count the Prussian as a mere ally. Oh, so Ludwig doesn’t wanna consider me as his weapon anymore?

 

Right. His thoughts were right. And Ludwig wasn’t even being secretive about it. His brother legit said that he wasn’t needed, that his help would be unwanted. That Gilbert would mean nothing to him any longer.

 

Then the door was slammed shut before him, leaving Gilbert broken hearted.

His throat moved from the way he gulped, freezing in his position. Tears dwelled in his purplish red eyes, which got even redder from time to time as he tried to hold his anger. His pride was hurt, his heart was hurt. God he really wished he had the courage to scream at Ludwig at that time because how could he just accept this? Is this what he got for giving that brat his virginity even when he didn’t want to?

“What the fuck had gotten into him, god-fucking-damn it, argh!” he groaned loudly, which at the same time, another loud cracking noise was heard. So close, so realistic, he knew it was one of the brat’s work again. Not the building one, the destructive one. Like he strangely always did since a few days before. How many things he had broken, Gilbert had lost count. Oh God, he couldn’t imagine how bad his hand must have hurt punching all kind of things. He was sure that wooden wall Ludwig had just rebuilt yesterday wasn’t that thin but now it must have shattered into pieces from the sound of it.

 

Frustrated and sad and mad, Gilbert decided to roll over on his bed, accidentally hurting his broken arm in process and forcing his eyes to shut and sleep; while trying hard to ignore Roderich blurred voice in the background.

[-Hideki-]

Ludwig didn’t sit on the sofa with Roderich for long before he buried himself into his work again while listening to the Austrian’s piano play. Working until late at night he stopped at one point and actually went to bed what forced him to walk past the hole in the wall and with it the reason why he had punched a hole into the wall in the first place. His face twitched in anger and heart ache and he thought that that bloody Gilbert should repair the wall.

 

The upcoming weeks Ludwig completely ignored Gilbert, he didn’t talk to him more than saying good morning and good night, he didn’t wake him up in the morning, didn’t prepare his medication, only made the food for himself and Roderich but nothing for the platinum head who had to cook for himself, he and Roderich ate without him, Gilbert was excluded from any more important discussions and plans which the German and the Austrian only spoke about when he wasn’t in hearing range.

All in all they lived in the same house but they didn’t live with each other. He didn’t even say a word to the older one when he and Roderich had been heading for a dinner with the Axis leaving Gilbert at home alone and reappearing long after midnight.

 

When he left the bathroom in his black uniform that morning he went straight over to Roderich who was preparing a cake Ludwig had requested from him in the kitchen. “Looks fantastic.” He complimented and the brunette’s scolding voice was to hear in the room again. “Complimenting me again? What do you want? Anything special I should put on the cake?” But as scolding as his tone was there was a smile on his thin lips. “No, nothing the cake is a masterpiece and I wish I wouldn’t have to share.” He said and he could see a slight blush on the Austrian’s cheeks. “I only wanted to ask you if you would go and tell Gilbert that he should get himself something to eat right now and disappear in his room again because as you know but he doesn’t I am awaiting an important guest and I don’t need him to disturb me and my guest. It wouldn’t make the best impression if I had to send him back to his room.” The blond said and Roderich rolled his eyes but paused his doing to go upstairs to Gilbert and tell him.

 

He knocked on the door and stepped into Gilbert’s room. “If you’re hungry you need to make yourself something now. Ludwig awaits a guest, the guest will arrive in three hours and he doesn’t want to see you downstairs then.” The brunette said, didn’t wait for a reply, turned around and got back down into the kitchen to finish the cake. Only to see Ludwig’s index finger in the cream he was about to nosh on. “Good heavens, no! Stay out of the bowl with your fingers and don’t steal the cream.” Roderich scolded him and punched his shoulder what didn’t really hurt him but he got his finger out of the bowl and licked off the cream. The brunette sighed exhausted. “You are unbelievable.” He exclaimed. “Now wash your hands!” he yelled and Ludwig who had been about to do that anyway looked at him slightly amused. “Ja Mutti!” he said and Roderich threw a dishtowel at his head.

 

Three hours later Ivan arrived and brought a huge bottle of Vodka with him. Ludwig invited him in and led him into the living room, where Roderich was already sitting playing the piano. Getting comfortable, the two men between whom there was a huge tension of rivalry were having some polite talk before Ludwig pulled the plate with the whole cake towards himself with a smile.

“What would you say if I told you that I could get a wonderful cake like this and all you’d have to do to get out an entire half was sitting by and doing absolutely nothing while I got the cake?” The blond asked in a tempting tone of voice and Ivan who constantly smiled widely and fake-innocently looked at the cake and then at Ludwig. “I’d say that was a truly delicious prospect. Where is the catch?”the Russian responded happily laying his head to the side. “No catch!” the German promised. “What do you say? Interested to hear more?” Ludwig wanted to know as he cut the cake into two. “Certainly!” Ivan cheered.

 

The German and the Russian discussed their pact for a while and after they had signed it both of them felt as if they were about to burst and close to a sugar shock as they had both eaten an entire half of the huge cake Roderich had made. So Ivan was filling the vodka into two glasses so that they would feel less full in a while and the more they were drinking the funnier it got. Ivan brought Roderich to play something he could actually dance to and Ludwig couldn’t dance so Ivan was just dragging him over the floor what kinda looked as if Ludwig was a puppet.

 

And late at night the both of them weaved to the door. Ludwig opened it and Ivan stepped into the doorframe and reached out his hand. Ludwig shook it and the both of them were definitely trying to crush the other’s hand while smiling into each other’s faces.

“It was very nice.” Ivan said. “Indeed.” Ludwig agreed. “See you soon!” the Russian said, his violet eyes blinking malefic. “Very soon!” the German said and his blue eyes glared in the same dangerous way than the others. Both of them knew that they would fight. One would attack definitely attack the other at one point, the only thing that wasn’t clear to both of them yet was who would break the pact and when the fighting would take place.

[iaintinnocent]

For Gilbert, it felt like it'd been years since the last time he properly ate. It wasn't like his brother didn't really provide him with food; there were always fresh ingredients in the refrigerator for him to freely use like vegetables, meat, eggs, milk, and mostly they had gotten everything they hadn't been able to provide a few weeks ago when the war debt was to be paid. The German had recovered pretty quickly and they were so ready to snatch back their glory.

 

But that wasn't the case for the platinum blond male. Yes, they were regaining their wealth, thanks to Ludwig's workaholic nature, but Gilbert surely missed the glee that was supposed to come along the cash flow. He had lost the trust of his only brother anyway.

Ludwig was truly a man of his words. When he said he wouldn't stick his nose in Gilbert's business, he really did. Let alone beer talk like old days, even exchanging greetings wouldn't Ludwig's eyes meet his own.

 

These past weeks Gilbert took care of his injured self, trying his best to provide and nurse himself back to health. Fortunately the medicine worked well; the wounds had closed perfectly back and his broken arm slowly but surely healing--although he had put away the sling he still needed to be careful with carrying heavy stuff with his right hand, said the doctor he had called to home days ago.

Taking that as an excuse, Gilbert rarely cooked. No food for him unless he made one, he knew that--the first days after his cold war with Ludwig, he was shocked the blond served breakfast for Roderich but left none for him--but cooking was chaotic for someone who sucked at it. His clumsy ass didn't allow him to be in the kitchen without making a fuss. Once Roderich scolded at him for accidentally push a sack of flour over the counter and made a mess on the floor. The Austrian was kind enough to let him stay still not to hurt his healing arm and did the cleaning job to Gilbert--although his fussy, annoying little mouth wouldn't stop raging at him. After that he considered marrying a cook.

 

Bread and butter with fruits had become his daily breakfast. Mashed potato or potato wedges with bratwurst that required less skill in the kitchen for one fancy night or just boiled potatoes with salt and pepper for the rest of the dinner. Or most of them, he didn't ate at all. Too troublesome, he always told himself.

 

That or was he too sad, he didn't know any longer. Gilbert tended to lose the appetite when he was going through stressful days and as much as he didn't wish to admit he was depressed. How could he not, seeing Ludwig and Roderich discuss something as important as war strategies and alliance without him. He was left out, intentionally. That hurt not only his pride but also the small of his heart. He wasn't needed anymore and that made his heart aching so bad he decided to sleep it off and skipped dinner.

 

Most of the times he spent alone in his room. Writing in the diary, reading some boring books, falling asleep on it. When the boredom got too much, sometimes he sneaked out, hoping he wouldn’t pass his brother or the Austrian in meanwhile, and sat under the tree in the park nearby, playing with Gilbird and its friends. Sometimes he did some mischief like stealing an apple or a handful of strawberries from the neighboring house which he ran for and laughed while being yelled at by an old lady. That was the only fun he could get nowadays; seeking for attention he needed but nobody gave.

 

Only that day he was alerted when he heard a knock to his room. He didn’t bother to answer because he knew people in his house wasn’t sane enough to wait for permission. Gilbert honestly had expected it to be Roderich. There was no way Ludwig was to meet him—and that only saddened him more. He shook his head, trying to clear his mind from weighting thoughts as the prideful Austrian passed the talk Ludwig was supposed to have with him.

He was told to stay there in his room for an important meeting downstairs didn’t need him to make a chaos of it. Gilbert’s heart sank but his mind refused to get sad immediately and instead twitched in irritation.

 

“Yeah, tell him I’ll cut off my feet if he wishes not to see me downstairs any longer,” he grumbled weakly, yet he supposed the Austrian didn’t hear because he had gotten out into the living room once again. Gilbert sighed and rolled over his bed, blankets all the way to his head as he curled himself to a ball. “I fucking hate this...” He swallowed, gritting his teeth. There were ugly tears that stung his eyes again. “I just want to be a good brother for you, goddamn it. It hurts, stupid Ludwig…”

[-Hideki-]

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Years later; Eastern front

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

It was difficult to see his own hand before his eyes in the heavy snow storm that was raging over the Russian land. Ludwig couldn’t feel his face and his frozen body anymore as it had gone numb from the cold and the bad excuse for a coat he was wearing was completely frozen and no match for the Russian winter just as the rest of his clothing. He had no clue where he was and from time to time he turned around to look if Gilbert was following along. The two of them had somehow lost the troop and they were wandering through the snow storm and the crippling cold since hours without a direction.

A while ago his blue eyes that were burning from the cold wind had seen a dark silhouette in the distance through the snow and he had told his brother that they would head into that direction. At best it really was what Ludwig assumed, a hut and at worst they would have to head aimlessly through that wasteland of ice and snow for more hours to come until they would collapse and freeze to death.

 

He didn’t want this to happen to Gilbert, he didn’t want to see him die or harmed even though they had not really talked or spend time with each other, other than regarding their duty as soldiers, for years but he still love him, he would always love him even though it hurt him.

However at this point the German thought that if Ludwig himself was to freeze to death it was not the worst thing that could and probably would happen to him. The megalomaniac and the euphoria was completely gone, all of his ambition had vanished. Granted, at first he had seemed indestructible, like something else, that was unstoppable and he had taken almost all of Europe under his control on his own, he had even managed to surprise Ivan who had not thought that Ludwig would have the nerve to be the one to break the pact after all, and had run over him at first too until the winter had come and Ivan had struck back at him. It would have been one thing to face someone like Ivan alone on one front, but he had a lot more fronts on which he fought and he had basically taken on the whole world and now it looked incredibly bad for him. Not only bad, if he was honest with himself, it seemed to be all in vain. Ludwig couldn’t get rid of the feeling that he had made an incredibly mistake, that he had made everything worse in the end and that he wouldn’t only get humiliated when this was over but that they would kill him this time. He wouldn’t survive this. They certainly respected him and took him seriously now but it was not respect in terms of acknowledgement and appreciation but in terms of fear. They respected his power and they took his actions seriously now what they had not at the start but they were looking at him as if he was something monstrous and evil, something dangerous and they would take their revenge and if they would not outright kill him they would cripple him to the point where he wished he was dead. Compared to that freezing to death on that Russian field didn’t seem like too bad of a perspective! And one part of him wanted to tell Gilbert to just head further to the hut while he would sit on the snow covered ground until death would take him. Killed by no one but by nature at the time he had chosen. Then again this would mean to give up and if there was something that he couldn’t it was giving up. He wasn’t that kind of a coward and he knew that he would stand on his feet until the end. His feet! He couldn’t feel them anymore either, he was just dragging them over the ground somehow.

 

 

When the two of them had almost stood right in front of the hut they could see that there actually was something now for the first time and he was making himself walk further, struggling against the storm. It almost felt surreal when his hand in those gloves that were frozen stiff was grabbing the door handle. Much to his surprise the door actually opened and he gesticulated Gilbert to come in quickly so that he could close the door behind them in the hut immediately. They were standing in a small wooden place that only had one small room with something that was supposed to be a kitchen in it. There were two doors, one that led to a metal tub and another one that hid a small closet with warm clothing. The hermit who must have lived in this hut was obviously not there at the moment and Ludwig wouldn’t hesitate to kill the man so that Gilbert and he could survive if he returned but he hoped that the owner would not return during that time.

 

 

The first thing he did was taking some of the logs to light the fireplace to get some warmth into the hut. While he was doing that he ordered the Prussian to cook some water and to make some tea for them in the kitchen. When the fire was crackling in the fireplace Ludwig went over to the one door and opened it to find the clothing of the man who had lived there. He took some of it out and through some onto the couch for Gilbert to change into before he took some for himself and immediately undressed out of the frozen, wet, cold clothes he was wearing and into the stranger’s winter clothing. Changing he could have sworn that even his chest hair was frozen, not as frozen as the beard, but still. Ludwig dressed rather hastily as it was still frigging cold in that hut and when he was dressed he searched for some blankets. He found some on the bed, others in the closet and one on the sofa and he put them all onto the old, musty sofa.

 

Sitting on the sofa in the clothes made out of wool and fur, hidden under more than just one blanket drinking a tea, all to get his body temperature back up to a normal level, he was staring against the door of the wall closet in front of him. Even though he sat right next the older one he didn’t look at him, he didn’t talk to him, he was just staring straight ahead. What would he have said to him anyway? He knew that it would only end up hurting again if they would go back to how it had been before Ludwig had confessed to the Prussian. And then he also couldn’t ignore what he had done what was making him feel guilty and sick about himself. He should have never shown the other that side of himself and he definitely shouldn’t have done that to his brother’s arse even though he had asked the other and the man had lied and told him that he wanted this too. He felt ashamed about this and not only that, he also had failed everyone again but he had failed himself the most.

 

Now that the cold wind was not whipping into his face anymore and he was currently not fighting for his life the thoughts and memories came back up again and he wanted them to stop. He wanted his mind to go blank and to think and feel nothing for a moment but he couldn’t. He couldn’t ban what had happened during the last years out of his memories and god knew how long this would hunt him.

All the memories of the victories and of feeling indestructible were gone though, he could only think of the losses and the pain and the dying and his men and his people and what would happen to those who would survive and it made him restless and desperate and hopeless and when he looked at his reflection on the cup he was holding there was no megalomaniac in a black uniform grinning into his face anymore, there was only himself how he was now, a worn out, sad and bitter man with a beard that was defrosting and dripping water onto the blanket.

 

 

And then there were the memories of him too. The soldier whom Ludwig had lost his virginity to back then! He had met him again on the Eastern front when he had overtaken Feliks and in the rush of victory they had loved each other again and they had continued to have sex during the whole time. The blond had actually developed feelings for this older soldier. Granted they weren’t that insanely strong than what he felt for Gilbert what was almost tearing him apart and what was generally unhealthy, not to mention disgusting and shouldn’t be as they were blood related after all as much as Ludwig liked to deny that fact about the two of them and how much he wished he was not related to Gilbert but no one had ever asked him if he wanted to be related to him and no one had ever asked him if he wanted to be gay either.

 

The soldier, Fritz, had made him feel so much better and much healthier even though he was still feeling that he was ill for loving men in the first place. At least he wasn’t feeling like some gross freak when he was with the soldier who a) was not his brother and b) loved him back and had no problem in showing him that he desired him and c) was not visiting brothels or fucking foreign women like Ludwig was sure Gilbert had been doing again and where the mere thought had enraged him. As long as the war had gone well, everything had gone well with them either but then there had been Stalingrad and whenever they had been together they had felt like it was the last time there. When they had been on duty together they had often fucked the cold and the fear away, doing it like some maniacs who would touch each other for the last time, fuck and breathe for the last time, all while hoping that it wouldn’t be the last time after all. Well, for a while it had seemed as if they had been lucky until Ludwig had one day suddenly seen the man’s corpse hanging over a broken wall with a hole in his forehead. He had had no clue how long he had pressed that corpse onto himself and kissed the dead frozen face or for how long he had screamed in pain, he only knew that going and shooting a bunch of Russian soldiers had not been a satisfying revenge and had not made him feel any better.

 

The blond tried to force himself out of those memories and his blue eyes stared into the tea and he saw his twisted reflection in the liquid. A grieving face with water glimmering in the bitter looking blue gaze! Ludwig was not sure if it was even possible to feel so many and so strong things at one time. And while he was mourning and memorising the man he had lost he remembered their loving touches and their pleasured faces and his frozen body wanted to feel the man and his warmth he would never feel again in that moment while he was at the same time actually feeling like everything was lost and that he could probably just burry himself right away because everyone already knew how this would end for him.

He bit his lower lip, letting out a sigh before he drank the hot tea still avoiding to look at the Prussian who was sitting incredibly close to him on the small sofa.

[iaintinnocent]

I can’t even describe it in words about how grateful and happy Gilbert was when they found a hut—not something imaginary like how a water fountain would look for some lost survivor in the desert; the cabin was a real thing. Even while he was still slightly trembling in cold, the moment his feet touched the wooden flooring the Prussian’s mouth didn’t stop muttering his thanks to God because he knew another day in the snow storm and he might be dead from hypothermia.

 

The cabin was small; it’s only about two times bigger than his room at their house back in the hometown and it already had everything within the space from mini kitchen to cramped bathroom. But anyway, he was still feeling deeply thankful for everything. While Ludwig was busy fighting the cold wind to close the main door and the windows, Gilbert stepped in and went to check out the kitchen first. He was rummaging through the cabinets and drawers, wondering if there could be something they could eat, and was not really that disappointed when only spiders and its web greeted him. Well, whoever the owner was, they possibly hadn’t been gone that long but still the house didn’t seem like it had been left only for days judging from the lack of ash in the fireplace so it was only to be expected when there was no daily supplies found.

 

Ludwig then told him to brew some tea and at first he wanted to protest since he found nothing but dust here. But when he remembered about the bag—his bag that Ludwig had insisted to help carrying throughout the storm despite his own load—Gilbert’s purplish eyes lighted up. “God bless you,” he mumbled, silently praising Ludwig’s brilliant mind that had been so stern about bringing the supplies along with them even when Gilbert thought it was a bad idea and whined about how the snow had slowed and tired him out to even walk, let alone carrying heavy backpack. Their sleeping bag was damp from the high moisture in the air but the dried food was good—once again thanks to Ludwig’s skillful hand that wrapped them ever so nicely. Shivering hand searched for the mini bag that contained tea and other supplements, the tea bag was frozen but he still smiled wide when he found it. But then—

 

“O-ouch…” Gilbert’s lips bleed. The dry air and cold winter wind had dried his lips and it only took a little stretch for the skin to break. Though it stung, he just wiped it away though and began to try the stove. He and Ludwig really needed to heat up their body as soon as possible anyway. “Good heavens…” It worked. He opened up his water bottle and poured out into a kettle—half had frozen into ice but melted right away once it made a direct contact with the heat. And so Gilbert succeeded brewing the tea and while he was at it, he was trying to warm himself by standing ever so close to the fire.

 

Once he had filled the thermos up to the brim with hot tea, he brought it back to the living room where Ludwig had made a nest of warm clothes in the sofa. The blond had changed into furry coat and he had been gestured to discard his wet clothing and wear the winter jacket Ludwig had prepared for him. “Whoever the owner was, they’re a life saver,” he said with a small grin. But to his surprise, Ludwig didn’t respond. He was just blankly staring at the fireplace with a miserable expression. By miserable, Gilbert meant it. He wasn’t exaggerating if he said Ludwig looked like his body had been left by his soul. The Prussian sighed and plopped his ass heavily into a tight spot beside the blond. Even under piles of blanket, his heart still sunk as if losing cold.

Gilbert was getting tired of this whole cold war between him and his brother. He was sick of looking that expression on his face—the sadness, the anger, all mixed in one and the platinum blond could read it out loud from Ludwig’s face.

 

He must be thinking about that guy again...

 

Gilbert knew, ever since he had slowly loosened his tie with Ludwig, he had been off. At first, Gilbert pretended that he didn’t care and it worked for the first couple of months. But even though how much he was uncomfortable with the idea of Ludwig forcing—and confusing—his feelings of love to Gilbert, Ludwig was still Gilbert’s beloved, beloved brother. His one and only family. Probably the only one who knew him better than his own self. And it worried Gilbert to see him mourning so pathetically like that. That was until one day Ludwig came home drunk and smelled like booze and cigarette, Gilbert only was trying to help but his hand was slapped and until this very second he still remembered how Ludwig growled in his drunken state, “fuck off, I don’t love you anymore. I have my own beautiful man that is so much sexier and prettier than you.”

But Gilbert didn’t remember why his heart ached so much that time.

 

At first Gilbert wanted to believe that it was only his brother’s drunk mind slurring hurtful words. But what he found the next following days only strengthened the hypothesis that it was true, that Ludwig had found his replacement. One day in camp at the front line, he saw Ludwig slinging his arm around one certain person and laughed so brightly. He knew the alcohol in his hand could be the basic reason how he had lost himself. But then he thought… how long had it been for him to see such beaming smile in Ludwig’s lips again? Lost count, he did.

Once Gilbert’s was awoken in the midnight to pee and he swore he heard panting coming from Ludwig’s tent. The Prussian was an adult and he knew how sex sounded like and that only approved everything. Another day he saw them kissing behind the wall of the kitchen and once again he remembered so well how genuine that smile lighted up Ludwig’s face.

 

Gilbert was glad Ludwig had found back his happiness, he deserved it. He deserved much more of it and Gilbert wholeheartedly supported him. But then again he didn’t remember why his stomach hurt whenever he witnessed the smile on Ludwig’s lips was not because of him anymore. Envy? Probably. I want my baby brother back, please give my Ludwig back for me only, he had thought, of course still not recognizing the burning jealousy as something else.

 

And that day the war fired in the sky and their troops retreated, he remembered how painful Ludwig’s cry was when he found his beloved boyfriend was shot to death. He remembered how tightly he had embraced the dead soldier in his arms, kissing his bloody face… How Ludwig’s flowin tears melted the blood red ice beneath them. It must hurt so bad. Because it hurt Gilbert too.

Goddamn it, he still remembered it all too well.

 

That night he didn’t sleep and just prayed to God for forgiveness and how he hoped he could take back his words and not let his brother suffer again. He felt like an asshole, wishing so mindlessly for his own selfishness and ended up indirectly snatching his brother’s happiness away.

 

Gilbert gulped, brought back to reality, as he heard the fire crackling in the pit. Another heavy sigh, he tried to throw away the sorrow memories. This wasn’t the best time to grieve.

 

“Ludwig,” he started but the the rest of the words died in his lips. He wasn’t really sure himself what he wanted to say. Asking for forgiveness would only do worse, moreover confessing that he was the one who told his boyfriend to stay guarding that one dangerous spot back then where he met his death. Gilbert wasn;t doing that on purpose, he swore in God’s name;he thought the man was capable to handle the tight spot and he truly had been—that gut was a great soldier—if only the douche enemy didn’t bring out that machine gun that massacred almost one sixth of their troops.

Gilbert shivered, the guilt still haunted him. Even so… he didn’t wish to talk about it.

 

“Ludwig, I’m cold…”

 

- - - Updated - - -

 

I can’t even describe it in words about how grateful and happy Gilbert was when they found a hut—not something imaginary like how a water fountain would look for some lost survivor in the desert; the cabin was a real thing. Even while he was still slightly trembling in cold, the moment his feet touched the wooden flooring the Prussian’s mouth didn’t stop muttering his thanks to God because he knew another day in the snow storm and he might be dead from hypothermia.

 

The cabin was small; it’s only about two times bigger than his room at their house back in the hometown and it already had everything within the space from mini kitchen to cramped bathroom. But anyway, he was still feeling deeply thankful for everything. While Ludwig was busy fighting the cold wind to close the main door and the windows, Gilbert stepped in and went to check out the kitchen first. He was rummaging through the cabinets and drawers, wondering if there could be something they could eat, and was not really that disappointed when only spiders and its web greeted him. Well, whoever the owner was, they possibly hadn’t been gone that long but still the house didn’t seem like it had been left only for days judging from the lack of ash in the fireplace so it was only to be expected when there was no daily supplies found.

 

Ludwig then told him to brew some tea and at first he wanted to protest since he found nothing but dust here. But when he remembered about the bag—his bag that Ludwig had insisted to help carrying throughout the storm despite his own load—Gilbert’s purplish eyes lighted up. “God bless you,” he mumbled, silently praising Ludwig’s brilliant mind that had been so stern about bringing the supplies along with them even when Gilbert thought it was a bad idea and whined about how the snow had slowed and tired him out to even walk, let alone carrying heavy backpack. Their sleeping bag was damp from the high moisture in the air but the dried food was good—once again thanks to Ludwig’s skillful hand that wrapped them ever so nicely. Shivering hand searched for the mini bag that contained tea and other supplements, the tea bag was frozen but he still smiled wide when he found it. But then—

 

“O-ouch…” Gilbert’s lips bleed. The dry air and cold winter wind had dried his lips and it only took a little stretch for the skin to break. Though it stung, he just wiped it away though and began to try the stove. He and Ludwig really needed to heat up their body as soon as possible anyway. “Good heavens…” It worked. He opened up his water bottle and poured out into a kettle—half had frozen into ice but melted right away once it made a direct contact with the heat. And so Gilbert succeeded brewing the tea and while he was at it, he was trying to warm himself by standing ever so close to the fire.

 

Once he had filled the thermos up to the brim with hot tea, he brought it back to the living room where Ludwig had made a nest of warm clothes in the sofa. The blond had changed into furry coat and he had been gestured to discard his wet clothing and wear the winter jacket Ludwig had prepared for him. “Whoever the owner was, they’re a life saver,” he said with a small grin. But to his surprise, Ludwig didn’t respond. He was just blankly staring at the fireplace with a miserable expression. By miserable, Gilbert meant it. He wasn’t exaggerating if he said Ludwig looked like his body had been left by his soul. The Prussian sighed and plopped his ass heavily into a tight spot beside the blond. Even under piles of blanket, his heart still sunk as if losing cold.

Gilbert was getting tired of this whole cold war between him and his brother. He was sick of looking that expression on his face—the sadness, the anger, all mixed in one and the platinum blond could read it out loud from Ludwig’s face.

 

He must be thinking about that guy again...

 

Gilbert knew, ever since he had slowly loosened his tie with Ludwig, he had been off. At first, Gilbert pretended that he didn’t care and it worked for the first couple of months. But even though how much he was uncomfortable with the idea of Ludwig forcing—and confusing—his feelings of love to Gilbert, Ludwig was still Gilbert’s beloved, beloved brother. His one and only family. Probably the only one who knew him better than his own self. And it worried Gilbert to see him mourning so pathetically like that. That was until one day Ludwig came home drunk and smelled like booze and cigarette, Gilbert only was trying to help but his hand was slapped and until this very second he still remembered how Ludwig growled in his drunken state, “fuck off, I don’t love you anymore. I have my own beautiful man that is so much sexier and prettier than you.”

But Gilbert didn’t remember why his heart ached so much that time.

 

At first Gilbert wanted to believe that it was only his brother’s drunk mind slurring hurtful words. But what he found the next following days only strengthened the hypothesis that it was true, that Ludwig had found his replacement. One day in camp at the front line, he saw Ludwig slinging his arm around one certain person and laughed so brightly. He knew the alcohol in his hand could be the basic reason how he had lost himself. But then he thought… how long had it been for him to see such beaming smile in Ludwig’s lips again? Lost count, he did.

Once Gilbert’s was awoken in the midnight to pee and he swore he heard panting coming from Ludwig’s tent. The Prussian was an adult and he knew how sex sounded like and that only approved everything. Another day he saw them kissing behind the wall of the kitchen and once again he remembered so well how genuine that smile lighted up Ludwig’s face.

 

Gilbert was glad Ludwig had found back his happiness, he deserved it. He deserved much more of it and Gilbert wholeheartedly supported him. But then again he didn’t remember why his stomach hurt whenever he witnessed the smile on Ludwig’s lips was not because of him anymore. Envy? Probably. I want my baby brother back, please give my Ludwig back for me only, he had thought, of course still not recognizing the burning jealousy as something else.

 

And that day the war fired in the sky and their troops retreated, he remembered how painful Ludwig’s cry was when he found his beloved boyfriend was shot to death. He remembered how tightly he had embraced the dead soldier in his arms, kissing his bloody face… How Ludwig’s flowin tears melted the blood red ice beneath them. It must hurt so bad. Because it hurt Gilbert too.

Goddamn it, he still remembered it all too well.

 

That night he didn’t sleep and just prayed to God for forgiveness and how he hoped he could take back his words and not let his brother suffer again. He felt like an asshole, wishing so mindlessly for his own selfishness and ended up indirectly snatching his brother’s happiness away.

 

Gilbert gulped, brought back to reality, as he heard the fire crackling in the pit. Another heavy sigh, he tried to throw away the sorrow memories. This wasn’t the best time to grieve.

 

“Ludwig,” he started but the the rest of the words died in his lips. He wasn’t really sure himself what he wanted to say. Asking for forgiveness would only do worse, moreover confessing that he was the one who told his boyfriend to stay guarding that one dangerous spot back then where he met his death. Gilbert wasn;t doing that on purpose, he swore in God’s name;he thought the man was capable to handle the tight spot and he truly had been—that gut was a great soldier—if only the douche enemy didn’t bring out that machine gun that massacred almost one sixth of their troops.

Gilbert shivered, the guilt still haunted him. Even so… he didn’t wish to talk about it.

 

“Ludwig, I’m cold…”

 

- - - Updated - - -

 

I can’t even describe it in words about how grateful and happy Gilbert was when they found a hut—not something imaginary like how a water fountain would look for some lost survivor in the desert; the cabin was a real thing. Even while he was still slightly trembling in cold, the moment his feet touched the wooden flooring the Prussian’s mouth didn’t stop muttering his thanks to God because he knew another day in the snow storm and he might be dead from hypothermia.

 

The cabin was small; it’s only about two times bigger than his room at their house back in the hometown and it already had everything within the space from mini kitchen to cramped bathroom. But anyway, he was still feeling deeply thankful for everything. While Ludwig was busy fighting the cold wind to close the main door and the windows, Gilbert stepped in and went to check out the kitchen first. He was rummaging through the cabinets and drawers, wondering if there could be something they could eat, and was not really that disappointed when only spiders and its web greeted him. Well, whoever the owner was, they possibly hadn’t been gone that long but still the house didn’t seem like it had been left only for days judging from the lack of ash in the fireplace so it was only to be expected when there was no daily supplies found.

 

Ludwig then told him to brew some tea and at first he wanted to protest since he found nothing but dust here. But when he remembered about the bag—his bag that Ludwig had insisted to help carrying throughout the storm despite his own load—Gilbert’s purplish eyes lighted up. “God bless you,” he mumbled, silently praising Ludwig’s brilliant mind that had been so stern about bringing the supplies along with them even when Gilbert thought it was a bad idea and whined about how the snow had slowed and tired him out to even walk, let alone carrying heavy backpack. Their sleeping bag was damp from the high moisture in the air but the dried food was good—once again thanks to Ludwig’s skillful hand that wrapped them ever so nicely. Shivering hand searched for the mini bag that contained tea and other supplements, the tea bag was frozen but he still smiled wide when he found it. But then—

 

“O-ouch…” Gilbert’s lips bleed. The dry air and cold winter wind had dried his lips and it only took a little stretch for the skin to break. Though it stung, he just wiped it away though and began to try the stove. He and Ludwig really needed to heat up their body as soon as possible anyway. “Good heavens…” It worked. He opened up his water bottle and poured out into a kettle—half had frozen into ice but melted right away once it made a direct contact with the heat. And so Gilbert succeeded brewing the tea and while he was at it, he was trying to warm himself by standing ever so close to the fire.

 

Once he had filled the thermos up to the brim with hot tea, he brought it back to the living room where Ludwig had made a nest of warm clothes in the sofa. The blond had changed into furry coat and he had been gestured to discard his wet clothing and wear the winter jacket Ludwig had prepared for him. “Whoever the owner was, they’re a life saver,” he said with a small grin. But to his surprise, Ludwig didn’t respond. He was just blankly staring at the fireplace with a miserable expression. By miserable, Gilbert meant it. He wasn’t exaggerating if he said Ludwig looked like his body had been left by his soul. The Prussian sighed and plopped his ass heavily into a tight spot beside the blond. Even under piles of blanket, his heart still sunk as if losing cold.

Gilbert was getting tired of this whole cold war between him and his brother. He was sick of looking that expression on his face—the sadness, the anger, all mixed in one and the platinum blond could read it out loud from Ludwig’s face.

 

He must be thinking about that guy again...

 

Gilbert knew, ever since he had slowly loosened his tie with Ludwig, he had been off. At first, Gilbert pretended that he didn’t care and it worked for the first couple of months. But even though how much he was uncomfortable with the idea of Ludwig forcing—and confusing—his feelings of love to Gilbert, Ludwig was still Gilbert’s beloved, beloved brother. His one and only family. Probably the only one who knew him better than his own self. And it worried Gilbert to see him mourning so pathetically like that. That was until one day Ludwig came home drunk and smelled like booze and cigarette, Gilbert only was trying to help but his hand was slapped and until this very second he still remembered how Ludwig growled in his drunken state, “fuck off, I don’t love you anymore. I have my own beautiful man that is so much sexier and prettier than you.”

But Gilbert didn’t remember why his heart ached so much that time.

 

At first Gilbert wanted to believe that it was only his brother’s drunk mind slurring hurtful words. But what he found the next following days only strengthened the hypothesis that it was true, that Ludwig had found his replacement. One day in camp at the front line, he saw Ludwig slinging his arm around one certain person and laughed so brightly. He knew the alcohol in his hand could be the basic reason how he had lost himself. But then he thought… how long had it been for him to see such beaming smile in Ludwig’s lips again? Lost count, he did.

Once Gilbert’s was awoken in the midnight to pee and he swore he heard panting coming from Ludwig’s tent. The Prussian was an adult and he knew how sex sounded like and that only approved everything. Another day he saw them kissing behind the wall of the kitchen and once again he remembered so well how genuine that smile lighted up Ludwig’s face.

 

Gilbert was glad Ludwig had found back his happiness, he deserved it. He deserved much more of it and Gilbert wholeheartedly supported him. But then again he didn’t remember why his stomach hurt whenever he witnessed the smile on Ludwig’s lips was not because of him anymore. Envy? Probably. I want my baby brother back, please give my Ludwig back for me only, he had thought, of course still not recognizing the burning jealousy as something else.

 

And that day the war fired in the sky and their troops retreated, he remembered how painful Ludwig’s cry was when he found his beloved boyfriend was shot to death. He remembered how tightly he had embraced the dead soldier in his arms, kissing his bloody face… How Ludwig’s flowin tears melted the blood red ice beneath them. It must hurt so bad. Because it hurt Gilbert too.

Goddamn it, he still remembered it all too well.

 

That night he didn’t sleep and just prayed to God for forgiveness and how he hoped he could take back his words and not let his brother suffer again. He felt like an asshole, wishing so mindlessly for his own selfishness and ended up indirectly snatching his brother’s happiness away.

 

Gilbert gulped, brought back to reality, as he heard the fire crackling in the pit. Another heavy sigh, he tried to throw away the sorrow memories. This wasn’t the best time to grieve.

 

“Ludwig,” he started but the the rest of the words died in his lips. He wasn’t really sure himself what he wanted to say. Asking for forgiveness would only do worse, moreover confessing that he was the one who told his boyfriend to stay guarding that one dangerous spot back then where he met his death. Gilbert wasn;t doing that on purpose, he swore in God’s name;he thought the man was capable to handle the tight spot and he truly had been—that gut was a great soldier—if only the douche enemy didn’t bring out that machine gun that massacred almost one sixth of their troops.

Gilbert shivered, the guilt still haunted him. Even so… he didn’t wish to talk about it.

 

“Ludwig, I’m cold…”

[-Hideki-]

It was as if he was floating aimlessly in a dark abyss, an abyss that was consuming his whole life and would force never ending darkness all over him. The man wasn’t moving much except for sipping on the tea absent minded. When it all had started he had believe what the megalomaniac inside had told him and he had gotten his pride back. Not only that he had felt strong and powerful and glorious and he had been happy again after many years with Fritz by his side and his success at war.

Now he knew that those things that black uniformed piece of shit had spewed out had been lies and complete bullshit. Lunatic blabbering and he knew that his bad feeling about him that he had had before the war had been right. This had led him to the path down to living hell. And now he had nothing anymore. Far away at home there were bombs raining on his people, the man he had felt happiness with was dead and he was sitting in a hut made helpless by the forces of nature.

 

Suddenly he heard Gilbert’s voice saying his name. It seemed distant though it was that close but it took a while for Ludwig to being pulled back into the present. “Yes.” He grumbled not moving his head, his empty, bitter eyes staring against the wall closet still. What did the other want to say to him? Did he want to curse him for all of this? For that war? For his incredibly bad decisions? For what he had done? For leading them into the biggest loss in their history? He could bring it on! He wouldn’t be the last one to do that after all, so Ludwig might as well get used to that.

 

What followed then made him turn his head to the side and look at the older male with a raised eyebrow though. Seeing the face of his brother that was also unshaved, just as dirty and frozen as his own, he couldn’t believe that he really had deemed that worth saying it out loud. Of course he was cold. Ludwig was too, physically and mentally. Everything was fucking cold! And the hut only gradually got heated a little by the fire. The blond turned his head away again though and then took the blankets he had wrapped himself into and wrapped those around the Prussian as well careful not to touch the other’s body and just touch the blankets that were already around the older man. He had promised the other to never touch him again after all. Back then he had said that in rage but now that he was his normal self again he was still holding onto that because he felt ashamed and because it would make him feel awkward if he touched him because it would led him to believe that Gilbert would just get scared or uncomfortable and think of Ludwig wanting to get intimate and have sex again, so he had avoided all body contact with the other over the last years.

Giving all his blankets to Gilbert made him remain in that fur coat only getting the cup of tea closer to himself because the cold was getting through to him again now.

 

He was thinking back to that ruin of that house in Stalingrad where he had been with Fritz. They had burned all stuff in the fireplace to get it warm, then they had laid their coats onto the ground right in front of it and had started to touch each other and have sex what had gotten their body temperature up a lot and on top of that had made them feel less doomed and less alone. Ludwig was aware that Gilbert had known that he had been with the man. No one else had though, or Ludwig and Fritz would both have been executed long ago as there was the death penalty for soldiers who engaged in homosexual acts. He was glad that the older one had shut up about it. Especially after the blond had lost it when he had been a little drunk to be able to go through with the mission where he had been on duty with Gilbert one time where he had said rather insulting things with the mere purpose to hurt the other the same way he had been hurting before he had met Fritz again and had allowed himself to fall in love with the man this time.

 

His blue eyes were wandering to the side looking at Gilbert who was now buried under a mountain of blankets and he was wondering what was going through his mind in that moment. What was he thinking? And how was it that he was not looking as bitter and miserable as Ludwig? Was it because this disaster had been Ludwig’s responsibility? Or did he just not feel that he had lost everything?

[iaintinnocent]

Gilbert had expected that his younger brother would do this but this was surely not what he wanted. The platinum blond sighed; Ludwig clearly avoided any skin-ship, being super careful when he wrapped the furry blanket all over Gilbert, leaving none for himself. Did it help tone down the cold? Yes, it did. But was he still feeling cold? Yes, on the inside. All he wished was to be curled up around Ludwig and share their body heat under the blankets because technically the radiation of another human body temperature worked better than any covers would.

 

"This... this is not what I meant," he mumbled under his breath, looking down emptily at his cup of tea. His brows frowned and expression tight. Why? why did he live up to his words for this long ever since their huge fight and that Ludwig promised to never ever speak to him again the same way? He was a man of his words but this was a problem now.

 

"This is not what I want. I'm still feeling cold. You should hug me," he said, not in the offering kind of tone, but more demanding. He knew how childish he might have sounded but if he didn't voice it right, they would literally suffer having to shelter from the snowstorm with only the two of them in the house with nobody else to talk to. They'd both die in loneliness.

"Hug me, Ludwig. I'm cold."