Unexpected reencounter [Yukonwolfspirit&Hideki] (Private)

[Yukonwolfspirit]

"Maybe I wanted to fucking hurt you like you did to me by leaving! I was worried sick and all alone the one person I though I could count on left!" Yukie replied not looking at Ethan..."you could have wrote or called...you could have let me know you where alive" Yukie whispered not angry anymore his voice a cold and slightly distant..."I didn't want a one night stand and it made me angry because eventually I would have to leave and be all alone again with the pain you caused....I went through some dark shit alone...things I can't tell anyone because I'm ashamed...your leaving fucked me up so bad but sana though it was a good idea to yell at you atleast" Yukie mumbled his hands shaking as he looked away..."after you left and I went to my new home I was alone...I didn't understand anyone and couldn't speak...death at that time was the best option...I had almost succeeded...sana stopped me fucking dragged my ass back over the bridge...he hasn't left my side sense."

[-Hideki-]

He snorted disappointedly. “So it was revenge after all. Did it satisfy you that you led me on for a short amount of time? Do you feel good and great about yourself now?” Ethan asked aggressively. “You can really be proud of yourself, because two wrongs make a right, isn’t that so?” he said sarcastically. “I will feel like shit for tonight, tomorrow I will be disappointed because after all those years in which I had idealised you, you turned out to be just as fucked up as I am and the day after tomorrow I’ll be over it again. I hope it was worth it for you.”

 

Ethan covered his face with his hands for a moment and sighed in frustration. “Yes, I could have written, I could have called, I should have but it would have failed and betrayed the purpose of getting rid of those feelings I had for you. If I had stayed in contact I would have never gotten you out of my mind, because I fucking loved you, what is there to not understand about it? How often exactly do I have to repeat myself regarding the fact that I was in love with you thinking that if you knew you would definitely hate me?”

 

It was a hassle to explain that whole thing again as it was rather uncomfortable to admit over and over again how he had handled the situation back then and how he hadn’t been able to accept himself nor the feelings he had had for Yukie.

When Yukie accused him of having caused pain in his life it didn’t come as a surprise to him. Yukie had also caused Ethan pain and that without doing something as radical and inappropriate as he had when he had been a teenager. So he knew that him leaving like that must have left his best friend confused and hurt. He was aware of that.

 

What surprised him was what followed. He wouldn’t have thought that Yukie had sunk into such a deep depression that he had tried to kill himself. It shocked Ethan and he stared at the other male who was shaking at this point. Leaving the town and distancing himself from the feelings he had had for the white haired man had helped Ethan, it had gotten him out of his depression but apparently it had thrown his friend right into one.

 

However it made him furious that Yukie was trying to emotionally manipulate Ethan and was trying to make it seem like his attempted suicide had been his fault, when it hadn’t.

The only thing that Ethan did was to leave without a word. And when he had left Yukie, everything in the others life had been fine and well and how the other would deal with him disappearing was not his fault at all. It also wasn’t his fault that Yukie’s parents died or that the other had to go to Japan. Nothing of this had anything to do with him.

 

“I’m sorry to hear that you had to go through all of that and it shocks me to hear that you wanted to end your life, but nothing, nothing of this is my fault and it is a manipulating pathetic move of you trying to blame your attempted suicide on me when I am not the one to blame for it. You want to blame someone for that, don’t blame me, I didn’t torture you or forced you into that. All I did was leave and I am sorry for not telling you, for not being honest about my feelings to begin with but that is all. Everything else that had gone wrong in your life wasn’t because of me. I wasn’t even there anymore.” The red head explained and then got a little calmer again.

 

“I didn’t even know you were in Japan and that your parents had passed away. And if you think about that rationally, even if I had never left this rats nest, if I had stayed, it would have changed nothing. Your parents would have still passed away. You would have left for Japan and I would have stayed here with my parents. I would have written you letters and that would have been it. You would have all the issues in Japan anyway; you would have still been alone there. And I would have been here in this town, either becoming an alcoholic husband and father who repressed and kept his sexuality a secret and gets to hate himself or I would have come out to my parents eventually and they would have send me straight into conversion therapy, which would have probably led to me committing suicide as well. Doesn’t that sound great! Then you would have attempted suicide in Japan anyway and I would have succesfully hung myself somewhere in a conversion therapy camp. Sounds fucking great doesn’t it!?” he argued and hoped that Yukie would come to see that, when the taxi drivers voice sounded.

 

“Damn, are you disgusting little fags finished with bitching now. I want to leave, I have other clients too.” He barked and Ethan smiled angrily. He pulled Yukie out of the taxi and threw the money into the taxi, saying:”Go fuck yourself you piece of shit!” to the driver before the car drove away.

 

Ethan looked at Yukie. “No worries, there are plenty of other taxis at the hotel that you can take.”

[Yukonwolfspirit]

"...I don't blame you for my shit...I just wished I would have had someone to talk to" Yukie whispered as he sighed needing a damn drink as he lit a cigarette and smoked trying to calm his nerves he frowned as he pulled out and glared wishing he had fucking shot the fucker for the insult but he wasn't going to get his ass handed to him in this country he did have to end up home...."I would have begged my grandfather to bring you to Japan...we could have grown up together more" Yukie mumbled as he sighed and smoked his head pounding as he tried to keep him s body calm and collected he didn't want to have another attack tonight. "God damn I need a drink..." he mumbled searchinhis suit before finding a small black box with pills in it as he took afew swollowing them dry and put the box away his medication fixing a lot of shit with his body and keeping him from getting sick

[-Hideki-]

Ethan saw how the other lit a cigarette and he could understand what the other was expressing now. Of course he would have liked to have someone at his side. The ginger actually had liked to have someone at his side as well but it just hadn’t been possible for him back then.

 

“I understand that you wanted me at your side, as your friend. But even if I could have managed to be only friends – what I couldn’t have – I couldn't see myself in Japan. I think I would have ended up being just as misplaced there as I was here in that fucking town.” He explained and realised that the shorter male was still shaking.

 

“I don’t know what those pills are for and what your condition is and I don’t feel entitled to ask but I suppose it isn’t a good idea to drown them in alcohol. Since when do you smoke by the way?” he wanted to know, worrying about the others health.

 

“Anyway, in case you think it is alright to drink, you can go to the hotel bar. They serve quite good drinks. I promise to not bother you there; I’ll go up to my room as I am not in the mood for being surrounded by many people anymore anyway for tonight.” He suggested.

[Yukonwolfspirit]

"You would have had my support..." Yukie replied as he sighed and checked his watch tracking his heart rate. "It's fine with alcohol...I usually drink while taking them, as for the smoking I started after I went to my grandfathers ended up with the wrong crowd spent a lot of time in Juvie." Yukie replied as he sighed..."I think it's best you do that" he mumbled moving away and heading inside to drown his demons in alcohol.

[Yukonwolfspirit]

..

[-Hideki-]

Ethan didn’t really believe that any medical professional would subscribe to what Yukie had just told him about the pills and the alcohol but he didn’t say anything anymore. Yukie was an adult, he knew what he was doing and if he deliberately fucked up his health it was his problem. Interfering would only cause more arguing and it wasn’t his place after all.

 

He wished Yukie farewell as their ways parted in the hotel lobby. He went up into his room locking the door behind himself. He grabbed a beer from the mini-bar, undressed except for his boxers and watched TV while texting with his best friend at home. Later he checked some profiles on a dating app because he was curious whether he would find some of the guys he knew from that bloody religious town and its neighbouring towns on a gay dating site. He did and he also found a lot of headless torsos as well. He laughed, drank a few beers, watched another movie and fell asleep after another few hours.

[Yukonwolfspirit]

Yukie eventually went to bed and slept off his anger and booze eventually getting up in the morning as he took the kids downstairs for breakfast letting sana sleep in as he sipped his coffee and watched the two eat waffles

[-Hideki-]

Waking up in the morning he felt like a truck had run over his head for some reason unknown.

He had that feeling that he had had back when he had been in high-school that made him want to stay in bed and not do anything or go anywhere the whole day but the ringing of his phone didn’t let him.

 

It was Jake who wanted to invite him to church since it was Sunday. Ethan passed down the invitation and then had Jake insisting that he would at least have to come over for a BBQ in the evening. Because a BBQ with his former bully couldn’t feel any worse then he already felt he agreed and then dragged himself into the bathroom to shower and get ready.

 

When he had done that he went down to get breakfast at the breakfast buffet. He stopped breathing for a moment when he saw Yukie and his family sitting in the hotel’s restaurant. It shouldn’t have surprised him since that god forsaken rat’s nest only had one hotel.

The ginger passed by their table and nodded saying:”Morning!” and went straight to the buffet.

He had no interest in another confrontation with that arsehole of a bodyguard and another encounter with Yukie would probably end up being much more uncomfortable then it had been yesterday too.

 

He sat down on an empty table and later got joined by a thin, beautiful woman who hadn’t found an empty table and chose to sit at his table then. She greeted him, he greeted her and then they ignored each other both seemingly busy with their phones.

 

The weekends in that bloody town would be even more awful then work days because he had no clue what to do with himself at that place for those days. He had put his plate full with bacon and eggs and he had taken some bites but he had no appetite for some reason so he shoved it aside and just watched out of the window wishing himself away. How many years in that town had he spend wishing himself away back then already?

[Yukonwolfspirit]

"Eggs and bacon are unhealthy you should eat some fruit" Yukie mumbled as he ate a small strawberry and looked over to his...well if he could call him friend he would but he was sure it would just piss him off more. "I'm sorry for being so angry last night...this place doesn't exactly bring happy memories and it doesn't help I have regrets about no saying anything to you while we where in school" Yukie admitted as he offered sin a strawberry the boy to busy coloring as he fed it to Raven who enjoyed the fruit not a spot of meat on any of their plates.

[-Hideki-]

After a while of staring out of the window he decided to leave so he stood up to get his nearly full plate to where the dirty dishes where put. When he had to walk pass Yukie’s table again he heard the others voice. Apparently the white haired man couldn’t stop himself from commenting on what Ethan had been eating.

The finance manager shook his head at what he heard: “Ironic coming from a smoker who drowns his pills in alcohol daily. People living in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones my friends.” He replied to the comment and was about to head his way when the other continued to talk to him.

 

It surprised him that his former best friend apologised to him about the night before. “You don’t have to apologise for your anger. I can understand why you were angry at me. And I am not mad about that. Actually I am not mad at all; I am just extremely disappointed that you would lead me on like you did yesterday and lied to me. I had just been under the impression that you were better than that all the years but I apparently was wrong. You are just as fucked up as I am, as fucked up as everyone else and that is disappointing. Plus, I hate being lied to.” Ethan said and sighed when he heard about Yukie’s regrets.

 

“I know exactly how that feels like but it obviously wasn’t something that you could have known back then. I had no idea that you were gay and into me and I don’t think you knew that about me either, especially since I was so fucking scared of you hating me if you figured it out that I tried to destroy every ever so slight hint of my gayness and me having feelings for you. So we did what we did and what we did was nothing and we did nothing for a reason. Regretting that only burdens the both of us unnecessarily. We can only change our present and our future not our past.” The ginger let the other know and looked into Yukie’s eyes.

 

He wanted to ask him to hang out sometime but he had no intention of getting lied to or led on by the other again. It had shattered his trust in the present Yukie severely and he wasn’t up to seeing someone who would hurt him on purpose just to make him feel miserable out of revenge and anger, so he didn’t know what to do. One side of him didn’t want to give up on Yukie, wanted them to at least be friends again and the other side just wanted to leave him behind as he had shown to him that he harboured too much hostility and anger against Ethan.

[Yukonwolfspirit]

"I don't want a one night stand, but a part of me does...I want there to be more to us meeting again to our fates crossing paths...but I don't want to feel the pain of you leaving again and going back to my life" Yukie explained softly as he cleaned off ravens face. "I'm angry and I won't lie and say I'm not....but, I'm trying to work on it immtrying to fix my anger issues and I've been working on it tearing a new one into people who've hurt me." Yukie added as he started cleaning sins face. "It's hard, when you live alone for so long and then you run into something that you don't want to loose again it brings up a lot of emotions and....it's hard for me to explain...everytime I see you I feel sick and nervous because I so badly want you to like me..but I don't want to scare you away, then there's a part of me that makes me feel like getting angry and running away to protect myself from getting hurt and trusting anyone."

[-Hideki-]

The finance manager placed his plate on the table when Yukie started talking again as it seemed to turn into a longer conversation again.

He laughed a dry and clod laugh when the one year younger man stated that he didn’t want to lie to him about his anger.

“Don’t wanna lie today hmm? Funny how soon that thought has crossed your mind.” He commented sarcastically and added in a more serious tone: “You should have decided not to lie about your anger yesterday instead of, ähm, lying and leading me on.”

 

He listened to all the other had to say and it was hard to follow since it was contradictory and basically an expression of complete confusion. Apparently Yukie was not only confused on what to do like Ethan was but also completely in a messed up emotional state.

There was nothing that he could say to clear up Yukie’s mind for the other and there was no immediate solution that would promise either of them a satisfying outcome.

 

The red head bend down forward, took Yukie’s face inside his hands and placed a gentle kiss on the others lips.

“Maybe that gives you some answers and helps clearing up your mind a little.” He said after he had unlocked their lips again. “I will be at Jakes house in the evening for BBQ, why don’t you accompany me and we hang out without any expectations, just casually and look where that leads us.” Ethan suggested and took his still full plate up from the table again.

[Yukonwolfspirit]

"...jake won't kick our asses for being gay right?" Yukie asked hesitantly not feeling like getting his ass kicked tonight as he frowned and poked at his food not exactly looking forward to a party with strangers and having the only person he knew at the place still mad at him.

[-Hideki-]

Ethan laughed as he could understand Yukie’s reaction completely after all it was Jake Miller. “No! First, I am Jakes boss now. Second, your bodyguard outed me yesterday in front of him, have you already forgotten that? I confirmed that I was gay and he seemed to be alright with it. Oddly enough I think he actually changed for the better, unbelievable isn’t it?”

[Yukonwolfspirit]

"Hard to believe...though I'll apologize on Sanas behalf hes...a little rough around the edges he has no filter when it comes to telling the truth though we are working on it I don't hate it all the time...it's nice knowing there's atleast someone who can't lie that works for me" yukie admitted with a chuckle.

[-Hideki-]

“Not being able to lie is one thing, I would even say it is a positive trait, but revealing private information about someone to strangers without even being asked on purpose just to cause an unpleasant and embarrassing situation for this person is malicious and pretty low.” He commented Yukie’s attempt of protecting that bodyguard.

“Besides it is not possible to apologise on someone’s behalf. He isn’t you and he has done that not you. You feeling sorry about it doesn’t mean that he does. If anyone he would be the one who would have to sincerely apologise but I doubt that he even understands any of this. He simply dislikes me, that’s all there is to it.”

He raised his eyebrows when he heard the other making that remark about his work. “If this guy is the only one of your employees who doesn’t constantly lie to you, you should think about firing them and getting some better men to work for you.” He suggested.

[Yukonwolfspirit]

"I happen to like sana a lot and if you can't shove off your own jelousy about me being around him then you can go to your dinner alone!" Yukie replied as he gathered his kids and went back upstairs to sana. God he was being stubborn sana was a close friend who cared about Yukie and he would think that Ethan would be glad he had some friends and had someone he could trust. He was so damn hot and cold lik he was the only one with problems.

 

"You look like hell..." sana mumbled as he noticed Yukie enter their room. "Let me guess he now hates you more and your starting to doubt coming back here?" He asked as Yukie nodded and broke down crying.

 

"He basically hates everything about me...he also hates you but that's now surprise you did out him he said I should fire all

Of my other men, but doing that would cause problems" Yukie mumbled as he sulked and went to the mini fridge and grabbed some sweets and sulked sana going and making a bath for the kids.

 

"If you want I can get us to leave tonight. It would be nice to go home..." sana replied looking to Yukie who was just overwhelmed with emotions he didn't know how to do any of this dating shit and it seemed no mater what he did it made it worse.

 

"Yeah...get us some plane tickets... if he asks my meeting ended short and we need to go" Yukie replied crawlingninto the bed needing to be alone.

[-Hideki-]

“Don’t be so full of yourself and don’t interpret such bullshit into what I say Yukie!” he replied with a now grim look on his face. “I’m not jealous of your little fuck-buddie, no worries, I don’t care if he spends time with you or not. Heck, I wouldn’t even give a fuck if you married him anymore. I just happen to have a problem with people who act like complete dickheads towards me and showed bad intentions and behaviour towards me the first time I met them without even knowing me. What your beloved little bodyguard did as he seems to dislike me for some reason.”

 

He laughed a dry laugh when the other attempted to threaten him to have to go to the BBQ alone. “Fine then.” He said, shrugged and left bringing his plate to where it belonged.

 

Back in his room he took a deep breath and distracted himself by playing Tetris on his cellphone. This was not the man he had loved. This was not his best friend either.

[Yukonwolfspirit]

Yukie sighed as he had packed he needed to stop chasing his feelings for eathan...he had no intentions of a future with him it seemed besides that he had said he wouldn't ever find himself where Yukie lived so unless they did a long distance relationship..he didn't see it working. He frowned and finished packing sana taking the kids after they had been cleaned and went to get the car leaving Yukie to move all of the luggage himself.

[-Hideki-]

After a while Tetris just didn’t do it anymore so he decided to go for a walk. Maybe visit a game shop or anything like that. When he was on his way he stumbled over Yukie and his entourage in front of a taxi that they filled with their luggage.

 

Ethan shook his head, snorting. “Apparently you’re the one running from your life this time. At least it isn’t me who is the coward now. This time you will only have yourself to blame for how the outcome will make you feel.” he remarked.

“Have a good flight home. I hope you have achieved all the emotional chaos and pain that you wanted to achieve here. I hope your little revenge was worth the travel.”

 

The red head didn’t even know what he was still doing there talking to Yukie. “Fuck, I don’t even know why I sincerely want you to become happy after all. Maybe I’m still hooked on the old you or something. Anyway, have a good life mate.” He said, this time without any sarcasm in it.

[Yukonwolfspirit]

"We live to far apart to make this work...and maybe when you don't hate my friends and family we can talk" Yukie snapped getting into Sanas car as they left Yukie not feeling bad for someone who was like Ethan driving others away because he was so judgemental.

[-Hideki-]

Ethan’s eyes narrowed and he asked himself whether the other had gotten dumber over the years since he had already explained to him that he didn’t hate his family before.

He also didn’t understand from what Yukie had gotten the impression that he wanted to stop him or was interested in still trying anything with someone who acted in such an oversensitive, irrational, contradictory and inapprehensible way as his former friend did.

[Yukonwolfspirit]

Yukie just left feeling like Ethan hated him by how controlling and mean he was being with his rude comments as he left and went to the airport waiting for his flight with sana.

[Yukonwolfspirit]

Their flight was of course cancelled the weather having gotten worse as sana drove them back to the hotel unknowing that they would slide off the rode everyone but Yukie killed quickly by the crash. He eventually came to looking around the starry night as he was loaded into the ambulance and taken to the hospital but before he could get there he passed out from bloodloss. He would live but his brain had taken some trauma and injury changing who he was forever.