Unexpected reencounter [Yukonwolfspirit&Hideki] (Private)

[Yukonwolfspirit]

"I don't think I would have...your really nice" Yukie replied as he blushed his face going red in embarrassment at the hand holding as he looked away and snuggled his blanket more. "I think I made your friend uncomfortable he left" Yukie mumbled noticing jake had left as he fixed his hat a little and relaxed. "You don't have to care for me...after I leave, I know dealing with this is hard and it might be to much for you." Yukie admitted not wanting Ethan to feel forced into caring for him as he smiled. "If you decide you don't want to the nurse who helps me found me a nice place to stay in an assisted living home so please don't feel like you have to" Yukie admitted as he gently touched Ethan's face enjoying the soft skin under his hand.

[-Hideki-]

“I don’t think that you made him uncomfortable. I think he just thought it would be considerate to leave us alone for a while. “ he explained Jake’s leaving and watched Yukie fixing his hat.

There was no hair left on his head, he could see that. Ethan had really liked Yukie’s white hair but even without it he still found the other man handsome.

 

When his friend talked about going into an assisted living home the finance manager felt sick thinking about that. Yukie shouldn’t be living in such an institution, he deserved a better, more fulfilling life. The thought was unbearable for him; he didn’t want the other to have to do that.

“ No! I want you to stay with me. I don’t want to see you in such an institution. I won’t let you leave again like this and I shouldn’t have let you leave yesterday, I ....” he couldn’t find any more words, he just leaned into the warm touch of the others hand on his face.

Ethan’s hand moved to Yukies hand and he laid it onto it. “I can’t demand you to choose to come to my place but I want you to know that you’re welcome and not a burden.”

[Yukonwolfspirit]

"...are you really prepared for the insanity I would bring forgetting where I am who I am and who you are..." Yukie asked gently touching Ethan's cheek as he hummed softly enjoying the simple task of comforting him. "They have been helping me, the nurses and doctors, are you sure you can do the same and deal with everything you have a good career I wouldn't want to make it hard on you" Yukie admitted as he frowned. "They explained what they do, I got curious about the clipboard they carry around..."apparently every morning they reading me who I am they make sure I eat and drink they make sure to check my bandages and make sure I remember to use and oxygen mask if I forget to breathe...my body is shit right now and is trying to figure out how to repair the muscle memory the pressure on my brain fucked up" Yukie replied as he let go of Ethan's cheek and moved away his mood instantly dropping to somewhat a mixture of anger and sadness. "It sucks...having therapy and then physical therapy after...and then the medicine makes me sick and takes weeks to adjust only to find out it's not quite right and the process starts over again and again and then there's the insomnia and the moments where I space out and forget things and wake up somewhere else..." Yukie replied breaking down crying as he tried to calm himself as he sighed..."I'm going mad...the doctors say it's best I'm watched all the time but..they say I might regress if that happens...so, they said I wanted a live in nurse for when I leave so if you get sick of me I can move out once I find my feet..." Yukie admitted with a frown. "I told them you would let me choose one" he mumbled knowing Ethan would need help with him and this would make it easier on both of them,but he didn't know how well Ethan would like someone else helping.

[-Hideki-]

The red head listened to what the other said carefully and the more he heard the more his whole body tensed up painfully. For a moment he felt like he couldn’t breathe anymore, like he just wasn’t physically able to but he managed to breathe in eventually. What he had to hear was what he had thought but what he kind of had repressed!

He was indeed by no means qualified to care for someone in such a condition. Ethan wasn’t a doctor or a male nurse or anything. He was richer than both together but what he did was managing the finances for a huge international business and knowing how to make a business successful wouldn’t mean shit when it would come to taking care of someone with a severe illness. It would be irresponsible and selfish to try to be the only caretaker for Yukie just to make the others life normal for him.

 

“You’re right, I’m sorry. I’m by no means qualified nor do I have enough time I suppose.” He made himself say against his own will. He hugged Yukie holding him in his arms when he then added:”I still want you to be at my side, stay at my place, if you want. I can hire a nurse - the nurse with the best qualifications out there - for you who will make sure that you get the right medical treatment and help you deserve at home then. And if she isn’t enough, I can buy you your own doctor if you want me to.”

 

Ethan probably sounded like an idiot who happened to be rich but he felt miserable and wanted the other to be able to have a life worth living regardless of that condition. He also felt bad that he had let him go the other day and he regretted everything he couldn’t change anymore because it had happened in the past even more than before and maybe he thought by offering to buy the best medical treatment and everything Yukie would wish for it would make things good again. He had to realise that drowning the other in his money wouldn’t turn him back into a healthy happy young man again though and that realisation just made him even more desperate to do something which then led to him noticing how powerless he really was in this situation. He knew how it felt to be powerless and he had hoped to never having to feel like that again.

[Yukonwolfspirit]

"I'm fine with a nurse..someone who's nice though" Yukie mumbled as he snuggled into Ethan's chest and breathed in his scent relaxing a lot as he closed his eyes and listened to his heartbeat. "I want to go home" he mumbled tiredly feeling so warm and protected in Ethan's arms making him desire sleep as he yawned and closed his eyes. "I want to be home with you" he whispered before falling asleep suddenly his body exhausted.

[-Hideki-]

“Nice! Of course I will make sure that she will have that qualification as well. And I’ll check that she will adore you and be always kind to you and if she is not you tell me and I’ll fire her and get you a nicer one.” He assured the other while holding him is his arms.

 

“I’m sure that the doctors will let you come home with me as soon as I have found a nurse and made sure that there is always someone around for you. I’ll try to find the perfect one as soon as possible. I want you to come home with me as well.” He informed Yukie but he wasn’t quite sure if the other had still heard it or not as he had fallen asleep.

 

Ethan just sat there quietly letting the other sleep until Jake came back telling him that their break was over and that they had to go back to work. “I’ll have to leave now. I’ll be back after work.” The red head told the sleeping Yukie before he kissed him gently and carefully left the bed without waking the other man up.

 

When he was back at work he couldn’t concentrate and found himself searching for a decently qualified nurse in his home city who would be kind enough to travel across the country and stay with them at the small town for a while. It wasn’t that easy as Ethan was extremely picky about whom he wanted to trust with taking care of Yukie.

[Yukonwolfspirit]

Yukie at this time slept healed and kept up with his therapy and eventually was allowed out of bed to wander under the eyes of staff. He enjoyed going outside and sitting in the small garden, now dressed in his normal cloths wearing the black pants and a loose sweater over a tank top his head still covered by a nice beanie as he relaxed.

[-Hideki-]

Ethan brought Jake home after work and then drove to the hospital with the others truck again. He had found a nurse for Yukie but he hadn’t done anything else than interviewing nurses via video chat leaving all the other work undone. That meant that when he would come back from his visit in the hospital he would have to do all the work over night.

 

The nurse who was called Estelle would arrive some time the other day and Ethan was happy that he could tell Yukie that and unhappy that the other man had to stay in the hospital for yet another night though.

 

The red head knocked at the door only to find an empty room. His heart sank into the ground and he froze where he stood his mind painting the worst scenarios. Taking a deep breath he asked a nurse, his voice showing concern even if he tried to keep it neutral. The nurse smiled at him telling him that Yukie had walked again and that he was in the garden.

 

Ethan nearly ran into the garden and when he arrived the wind was playing with some leaves as well as his hair. He saw Yukie sitting there and he went up to him placing himself next to him while he watched the sun going down. “I have found a nurse for you.” He told him and added:” She will arrive some time during tomorrow and when she is here, you can come home with me.”

[Yukonwolfspirit]

“....your Ethan right?” Yukie asked somewhat confused today but clearly enjoying the warm air outside and the sunset as he absent mindedly played with his medical bracelet. He looked at Ethan as if studying him for a moment then when back to watching the shy change colors clearly having somewhat of an off day his lunch sitting beside him uneaten as he just seemed to be in his own world and in a way was acting how the doctors had feared he would not rembering anything during this time.

[-Hideki-]

“Yes.” He said monotonously, “Yes, I am Ethan.” His hazel eyes were directed at Yukie but he was looking through him into an empty dark abyss.

He felt his muscles tense up and he couldn’t bear sitting there in that moment.

 

The finance manager stood and walked a few meters until he stopped at a small pond and looked down into it. It actually had happened. Yukie had forgotten who he was again, had forgotten what he had told him. He had known that this could happen in theory but it actually happening was too much, he didn’t know if he would be able to handle that every day for the rest of their lives. Hell, he was only 29 and Yukie was 28, it was not fair. Ethan wanted to leave this place, he wanted to run from this again as far as he could, it would probably become even more painful than his high-school years and he didn’t want that anymore.

 

His hands clenched into fists and his face looked twisted in anger and pain while he was staring into that pond as if the fish were to blame for that.

He didn’t know how to cope with this, he didn’t know how to react, how to handle someone he cared for who would forget about him all the time.

Estelle, the nurse had had clients who had Alzheimer’s and amnesia before so for her that was probably nothing new, it was her job to care for the ill people but if he wasn’t running now Ethan would probably need help and instruction too though in a different way.

 

After a few minutes he went back to Yukie and squatted down in front of him.

“You have forgotten everything about me again. Everything I have said.” He spoke and sighed deeply.

“Maybe you remember actions better than words, at least I hope so.” The red head said before he placed his lips onto Yukie’s and kissed him in a caressing way. He kissed his first crush for the first time and what he felt was pain, as if someone had place a way too heavy weight onto his chest.

[Yukonwolfspirit]

“..” Yukie of course was speechless as he kissed Ethan back enjoying the simple contact and wrapped his arms around his neck as he moved and broke off the kiss...”normally I don’t kiss on the first date” Yukie mumbled his face neon red as he looked away clearly having enjoyed the kissing a little to much as he shyly played with his wristband again...”we’ve never done that before...why now..did I upset you?” Yukie asked blushing lightly.

[-Hideki-]

Ethan smiled faintly when he saw the other man blushing like that. Yukie was adorable and under other circumstances he would have enjoyed that moment but the thought of the future just weighed too heavy for him to feel happiness.

 

“I should have already done that thirteen years ago.” He admitted to Yukie and more so to himself and sighed when he said:”I hope that you will remember me that way. Silly thought, I know but I....” he stopped himself and then his eyes widened and he looked at the other questioningly, as if he had done something unbelievable like letting objects fly or something along those lines.

“Wait? How do you know that we haven't done that before and how do you know that you don’t kiss on first dates? Did you just remember something from your and our past?” he asked having a small shimmer of hope in his eyes.

[Yukonwolfspirit]

“... I remember my past...bits and pieces it’s always fuzzy though I can’t make sense of what’s real and what my brain is making up to cover what I’m missing” Yukie admitted as he frowned and looked at Ethan. “You come and go a lot from my mind but like muscle memory I don’t think I always forget you...I feel safe when you around it’s diffrent then when the doctors are around” Yukie added as he picked up his phone that was sitting beside him. “Some days are worse then others part of the injury” Yukie added as he looked through the phone finding a picture of them when they where younger as he showed it to Ethan...”my brain can’t make the connection that you and this person are the same...” Yukie admitted the picture having been confusing him all day. “I have a lot of pictures...”

[-Hideki-]

He laid his arm around the other’s shoulder pulling him closer and hearing that Yukie felt safe with him, better than with other people was a relieve to him that made him feel slightly better.

“I’m glad that you feel that way around me.” He said kissing the others cheek. He wanted to show him his affection some more but he wasn’t quite sure how much would be good and alright for someone with brain damage.

 

Looking at the photo made him nostalgic for one moment but the truth was that while he definitely knew that this had been him he didn’t see the same person either.

Smiling at the white haired male he said:”Your brain isn’t that wrong with that after all. Of course that was me but I wouldn’t say that I am still the same person I used to be back then in a certain sense.”

Ethan had changed a lot. From a teenager who was scared of being authentic and standing up for what he was to a man who embraced himself and wasn’t ashamed of who he was any longer.

He also had sworn that he wouldn’t run from difficulties anymore and this situation he was in now was probably the worst and hardest thing that had happened in his entire life and it made it a challange to keep what he had sworn to himself.

[Yukonwolfspirit]

“Why did you come today I thought you had work?” Yukie replied as he frowned noticing the fancy suit as he looked at his friend. “The suit makes me think your a villain in a cartoon...you look quite deadly”he admitted with a chuckle.

[-Hideki-]

The question surprised him as his shift had already ended. It was pretty late already and it also wasn’t the first time on that day that Ethan had visited Yukie.

“My shift is over now. I have visited you in the morning before work, during lunch break and now. Have you forgotten?” he asked calmly.

 

The red head laughed wholeheartedly when he heard Yukie comparing his looks to cartoon villains.

“Do I? I don’t think I look deadly. Most people actually think I am a banker or a lawyer. The first one isn’t that farfetched but still wrong. I’m a finance manager. My job is everything but dangerous, deadly or exciting. It’s pretty safe and well paid actually.” He informed the other still chuckling over that villain comment as he had never heard that before.

[Yukonwolfspirit]

“I remember...you visiting” Yukie mumbled as he blushed and looked away. “It sounds like it could get boring” Yukie admitted as he streatched...want to go get dinner?” Yukie asked gently wanting to get out of the hospital if only for an hour. “I’m sure if I ask nicely they would let me go for an hour.”

[-Hideki-]

"Yes, let’s do that, it’s a good idea. I haven’t had dinner yet.” He said nodding standing up from the bench. “And even if they won’t let you leave the hospital we can still eat in the canteen together.” Ethan assured Yukie and offered him his hand.

[Yukonwolfspirit]

“The food here isn’t exactly good” Yukie replied as he sighed and got up leading his friend back to his room as he grabbed some clothes out of the closet his bags having been sent off somewhere and went into the bathroom to shower and change. He took his time showering enjoying the hot water and continued cleaning his small wounds ignoring the pain from his body as he eventually got out and dried off and got himself dressed in normal clothes.

[-Hideki-]

Ethan sighed saying:”I know!” regarding the canteen food. He knew that hospital food was never good but it was better than nothing after all. He followed Yukie back to his room and sat on a chair waiting for him to have a shower and get dressed.

 

While waiting he took the time to check his phone. He had some messages from his friends at home and when he was reading them and thought about his home city his current situation felt even more surreal.

At this point he didn’t really know where that whole mess would lead him to.

[Yukonwolfspirit]

“You ready?” Yukie asked as he blushed wearing a nice soft black sweater and some dark grey jeans as he put a strand of hair behind his ear and finished braiding his hair nicely before slipping some shoes on. He was a little shy going out with Ethan he’ll, would he be able to consider this a date. He didn’t know how to put it but he was nervous around Ethan his mind always going blank and his stomach always getting butterflies when he saw him. Though it didn’t worry Yukie much since this seemed like a familiar occurrence.

[-Hideki-]

“I am. I was only waiting for you.” Ethan smiled at Yukie who had made some effort as he apparently was wearing a wig.

He wouldn’t have thought that Yukie had bothered that much that they had shaved off his hair for the surgery but it seemed to be the case.

 

“You look quite handsome tonight.” He complemented him when they were leaving the hospital and were walking down the road to an Italian restaurant.

It was a nice quiet place and Ethan chose a table in a corner for them because it wasn’t that busy.

[Yukonwolfspirit]

“Thank you though the wig is nicely borrowed” Yukie admitted the black hair quite interesting as it cutely framed his face the braid easily sitting over his shoulder. “The doctor said it would boost moral and some happy shit...he just afraid I’ll off myself...” Yukie admitted as he sipped some water.

[-Hideki-]

The thought that Yukie could suffer from suicidal tendencies and depression after what had happened hadn’t occurred to him yet and it was another thing that resonated negatively in him and worried him. “You haven’t thought about something like that though have you?” he asked hesitatingly as he couldn’t really get it off of his mind.

“I’m sure that we will be able to go through this together somehow.” He tried to assure the other and he wanted to know how Yukie actually felt with the situation as he was sure that the childhood friend was struggling to accept this.

[Yukonwolfspirit]

“For the first week after I woke up...I thought about it every night and the doctors monitored me because according to them I’ve attemped it but I don’t remeber it so hence why they demand a nurse now.” Yukie replied with a shrug as he frowned...”it makes it hard to sleep and eat sometimes, hence the untouched food back at the hospital I feel like I’m going mad enough as it is and now I have a sense of guilt of loosing I life I don’t even know about that at this moment doesn’t exist but...at the same time I know it exists.”Yukie replied trying to explain how jumbled up he was inside trying to figure out who he was, who he now is and his future it was putting a lot of stress on him so it wasn’t uncommon for something like this to occur...”I worry I’ll be to much for you and drag you down into this hell im in and I don’t want that” Yukie admitted as he looked up at Ethan apologetically.