Blog full of my Life... (a bit depressing but at times nice)

[BlxxdyButterfly]

(This is basically updates on life and I debated on whether to make it for about a year but my family is falling apart and I just need to get this off my chest.)

Here are some things you should know:

• My father is always cheating on my mother.
   
  
• My mother has a severe victim mentality & always forgives my father.
   
  
• My Little sister is living in my parents house with her boyfriend (about a year and a half now)
   
  
• My Big Sister is emotionally abusive at times(massive mood swings and entitlement issues).
   
  

 

Let begin with Today.

 

Today is the first day my father doesn't have a job. He was fired Friday for absolutely NO REASON. He is currently looking for a job. He disrespected my dog Zac, calling him a retard and threatening to take him to the dog pound... this was all because of a donut. My father covers up his affairs by creating trouble and I know this but Zac is basically my only friend I would take with me when I leave this house.

 

My little sister and her boyfriend have been living rent-free in my parents home for a year and a half. My parents haven't asked for rent since last month because they are sometimes helpful around the house but don't help pay bills. A few minutes ago she told my family that they are moving out to a place they found. The main reason being that they don't think they should have to pay $60 a month to live in my parents house.

 

While I was in town running errands with my Big Sister (because I don't have a drivers license) (I'm 20 but I absolutely hate traffic and am terrified of cars), she wanted to get something to eat but doesnt know how to get there so I pulled up a GPS on my phone. Because the GPS is very spotty where we live, we sometimes miss turns because of delays but she takes it out on me, calls me a cow and how I am so stupid that a dog would do a better job.

 

And of everything going on, my mother somehow makes herself the victim of everything, saying she is sorry she has made our life hell and that she should just put a bullet through her skull. I am tied of feeling guilty and pity towards my parents. She catches him cheating and still says she loves him.

 

Lately I have been massively depressed. I watched Project S: SOS episode 1 yesterday and all the feelings I thought I buried years ago have been unearthed and shaken because of these events.

I am smart but have noone to talk to.

I have an associated degree but no job.

I hate my father but have to pretend I don't.

I have to play the peacemaker and tranquilizer for my sisters.

I'm stuck in a loop and I am afraid that my dreams are being reduced to ash.

[BlxxdyButterfly]

Update: Nov. 12th, 2017

What has happened since the last post:

• My mother had another victim mentality breakdown.
  
• My Little sister is broke up with her cheating boyfriend and she moved back home
  
• My Big Sister is STILL emotionally abusive at times.
  

 

Ok, #1 is my mother! Today! She buys Christmas stuff like it is going to sell out (spends tons on Christmas decor and ornaments) but she because she was in a rush at the store to check out she left a bag there (I'm guessing or she lost it) and in it was a $10 game that was on sale. This isn't the problem. The problem started when she started to become emotionally and frantic about the game. She even went so far as to say "This is a test, why am I always being tested everyday?" I mean, to me, this isn't a big deal but she makes it a big deal and even makes snide comments if you don't help look for it, knowing you wont find it.

 

About 2-3 weeks ago, a month after my little sis and her BF moved out, my Little sis and her boyfriend broke up on mutually agreeable terms but he blamed my older sister as the reason they broke up. The f*cked up part is that my older sis has always been trying to break them up (attention whore) because she didn't like the BF and after they moved out, she heard that the BF was meeting a girl at the fire station he volunteered at. My Little sis moved back home and said she has had more freedom in the past month than in the 3 year relationship she was in with her ex.

 

My Big Sister is still a attention-seeking sociopath. I think I spoiled her too much over the years. Both my Little sister and Big sister are spoiled rotten. For example, my sister throws her work clothes anywhere and then asks if I have washed them yet hours later and at that time she says she has no idea where her clothes are.

 

 

OH! That series I mentioned last time... Project S: SOS... I am trying to stay calm. For the whole month of October they didn't release any episodes because it is the month of mourning for their late king that passed away last year. I completely respect that but there was nothing else interesting airing in the last month so... I am just bored basically. BUT episode 5, the first episode after the month, is going to have subs Monday.

[yaoi4fans]

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Can I give you a hug?~~ foxy3

[BlxxdyButterfly]

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I would love a hug right now. I haven't had a hug in a while...

[yaoi4fans]