Cloudy's back to poetry...

[K]

(first of all, i would like to thank amander-sama for inspiring me to work with poetry again)

 

. .i don't know if this is good, but i still wanted to post this, 'cause it's my first try (it's been a long time since i write stuff like this) :cuteonion53:

 

. .okay here it goes

 

 

BULLETS

 

Three shots strickens

Neither resist

Nor to hold it

As it dug deeply

 

These eyes, still glare

On a shadow standing there

Neither even a blink

Can't even share

 

First bullet, in the chest

Hard to breathe

Reaches the life source

Still pumps at its best

 

Second bullet, in the head

Freeze, but blazes

Numb, but senses

Aches, but painless

 

Third bullet, in the lips

Thirsty and dry

Now, why?

It even still smile

 

Thus, it moves to his

Can't control it

It wanders and bliss

Reaches and fits

 

Warmth and tender

Tasteless but sweet

Fragile and rare

This place, I swear

 

I LOVE YOU bullets

I'll kept within

These keen pieces

Deeply and for eternity

 

 

 

(I wrote this for almost an hour, i can't focus that much because of some situation here, phew!)

 

. .any suggestions, comments and criticisms are important

 

(yojichan, i'll be glad reading your opinions, if you may)

 

. .thanks everyone

[Amander123]

Aww I'm glad I inspired you to write such an amazing poem!

I love it!! It's very emotional

Great work cloudy-chan

[Yuki]

Very good! I really, really like it!

[yojichan]

It's lyrical. It's good. I'm curious as to what triggered this poem to come about? What is the significance of the bullets?

 

Some people will tell you that there's the right way and the wrong way to compose poetry but i'm telling you, don't listen to them. break the rules. follow your heart and be true to what you wanna express.

 

keep on writing. be inspired.

[misakixusagi]

hey its good, different to what ive read before, i like it

[JenovaVII]

I always like to read poems out loud, so that's what I did with this one too.

You know what, as I was reading it I felt I was there - wherever it is that the subject is - and that I was living through your words. The way you wrote your sentences really takes the reader to the location the poem occurs. At least that's what happened to me. And it was beautiful. Not even talking about the simple but knife cutting effect your vocabulary has. It's awesome to be able to write like that.

It's one of the rare times I can't choose a part I like best because, in all my seriousness, I like whole damn thing.

I bow to you. Love it to bits. More, please?! :Red_fox:

[K]

:cuteonion57:

 

 

@jenovaVII, i liked your comments, it overwhelms me cause i knew, you felt it,

 

@misakixusagi, for seeing it as different from poems you've read, pours my heart with appreciation

 

@yojichan, your advices reached my heart, i'll be following these to improve more, my gratitude is yours senpai

 

@yuki, i supah appreciated for liking it

 

@amander-sama, i'm glad that you loved and felt it, and aside from it, you're amazed by this poem, thanks to your works and to you as well

 

 

. .i don't know how you guys interpret this, but what's important to me, is the different perspective you saw and felt while reading this

 

 

. .i don't know when will be the next creation after this, 'cause i can only wrote if i'm floating through my emotions, without it, i can't

 

THANKS GUYS! :leaf3: