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Say Whatever You Want XXI


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this is 'the first aid' when you don't have handkerchiefs :D :D

I have tissues in the front pockets of my backpack. Usually my brother uses them for his nicotine gum though.

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I think today I'm gonna take the day off and just chill out. There's a lot that needs to get done, but I think I can do it later. If I keep running myself dry like this I'll never manage to get anything done. Today might be dedicated to coffee shops, comic books, and laying down. I do have class today though XD

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On Friday I cooked a huge family dinner and brought it to the caravan park down on the south coast. I thought I'd keep the leftovers for my food this week. Our family put all their drinks in the cabin fridges because keeping the alcohol cold takes priority to preserving food. Of course chilled booze are more important! I went to eat the edamame for breakfast this morning but it had slimy plaque on it. Now I have no money for food this week. It looks like I'll be eating my stockpile of tinned soup, noodles, tuna and rice crackers.

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Had the first official training in full firefigthing gear for the Step up event with my team today..yeah, I'm so loosing the bet we made.. T.T

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I have so many problems I know. Specially financial. But one thing that keeps me going is when i see an abandoned kitten on the sidewalk. I really have a weak spot for cats. One day I'll open my own animal shelter and foster for life XD

 

Here's a picture of my kitties. An 8 weeks old and 3 weeks old. They look like brothers. I had many others but they're grown ups now. Some died on me which still hurts. But I'll be a better mom in the future.

 

sepuzm.jpg

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OMG they are so damn cute

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And that was one epic Konzert I was just now :D I have to go see him a second time XD

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Sorry for venting. Possible trigger warning. I've been on a 4 hour car trip with my uncle and I'm angry.

 

 

I hate the way my uncle talks about suicide. It really fucking pisses me off that he thinks he knows what he's talking about when he's never experienced it before. He says a lot of thing like "as soon as people attempt suicide, they immediately regret it and want to live" and "if people are serious about suicide, it will work. The people who just attempt suicide don't really mean it." WTF! I've attempted suicide twice and I was damned serious that I wanted to die. There was no "oh dear, I regret taking a whole jar of meds at once". I wanted to die. It was my way out of a situation I saw no escape from. My escape came when I was offered a way out AFTER my stomach had been pumped. Fuck! I wish I was more assertive and extroverted so I could give him a lecture on the seriousness of suicidal thoughts and suicide attempts. Sometimes I feel he's one step away from saying "it's just attention seeking if they don't actually die from it." He may have even said this before but I don't remember. He tends to go over the same subjects fairly often. Never get him started on Muslims or you'll be there for hours.

 

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Thaks

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^_^

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I can relate. For people to say how fake mental struggle is. They just don't understand that's why they say those things. But that's the point, they shouldn't be saying anything because they have no idea how fucking hard it is to wake up every fucking day feeling hopeless. I can relate dear. I attempted 2 days ago. Because my grandma joked about suicide saying "if you wanted to do it, you won't say anything, you'd just do it and go". Because that's what I do. When I'm low I tell my friends because I'd definitely do ot if noone stops me. So 2 days ago I did it. I didn't tell anyone. But then I met that kitty. My family started fake caring when I got home *eyes roll* I still have it in me. I still wanna do it. But for fuck sake I have the right to stop myself too. As long as I'm sane I will do everything to stop it. But that doesn't mean I'm not gonna do it any more. thats where the stigma comes from. Judgement. I wish you well rumpleteaser... Hugs

 

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:

 

As soon as I read that I immediately thought of some people I knew. I understand your frustration, completely. Some people just have a narrow-minded view on certain topics, it's black or white to them when you should consider everything in between when making an opinion. I know two people who always talk about heavy topics with an "I'm right and everyone else is wrong" attitude with no empathy for the individuals being talked about and I wish I could just punch them into reality sometimes. I've a more assertive person, however, so I'm not afraid to outright tell someone what they did wrong. I would say I hope your uncle gains a better understanding of the topic, but, considering you mentioned he tends to talk about the same such topics, I'm assuming he's set on his views. Hopefully you won't be stuck in a 4 hour car ride with him or longer!

 

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*hugs* Those kitties in your photo are so sweet. If I started having suicidal thoughts again, I'd say something. That shit is scary AF. I want you to know I consider you a friend and care about you.

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He's like that with a few topics, not just suicide. He keeps telling me he hates how Muslim women are treated and how they're repressed and abused but at the same time he's had my partner's lesbian Muslim friends stay over at our place for a week by themselves as tourists. One wore a hijab, the other wore a cap. He also forgets how "repressed" women in Australia were a generation or two ago. Change takes time and it is happening all over the world. I've had many conversations with him about it but then he just sees it as me winning the argument rather than him actually accepting the information. Then he'll forget it ever happened and continue with the same views. If a white Australian does something wrong, it's because they've done something wrong. If a Muslim person does something wrong, it's because Muslims are evil.

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somehow I find myself always having something to say when you bring something up... but if you don't feel like hearing me rant just know I'm sending lots of hugs and patience so you could deal with the stubborn people around you

 

 

 

Now for the longer version of things: Generally I find it that people who never experienced any sort of mental illness are having a hard time understanding those of us who have. Hell, even people with mental health can sometimes have problems understanding others (I admit that even I, as someone that deals with anxiety, have caught myself thinking things like 'what's the big deal?' when it comes to other stuff people are dealing with). However I do hope you'll be able to find and surround yourself with people that would make the effort of understanding- even if they can't actually understand completely.

 

I think that today all of us, as a society, are having this nasty habit of looking at people as groups rather than people, and it makes us so much more judgmental and even xenophobic to an extant because we keep forgetting that people are first and foremost people. This is so so frustrating. (I just thought about it because of the whole Hijab thing- I recently read an article that stated that many Muslim women, especially in non-Muslim countries are actually seeing it as a form of empowerment and self-expression).

 

Anyhow if you ever feel like you're stuck in a situation you don't know how to get out from remember there's always a way. And if you can't seem to find it yourself just speak up- there will always be people willing to help ^^

 

 

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sorry for tagging you. But I just have to agree with you. Judging is human nature so to say. But the only thing we can do is educate them, right? Whether they listen or not atleast we did our part. I'm a mental health advocate and people sometimes misinterpret my hyper state to "recovery". I just wish they understand that we have different coping mechanisms and some can't even cope. When it's dark, it is dark. This is also the main reason why people who truly suffers keep it in them because they re afraid. But yes, there will always be help around the corner. And most of the time the help comes from those you never expected. :)

 

 

__________

 

On a side note. I'm so glad to be on a laptop. It's so much easier than on mobile XD I have many tabs open LOL

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I'm fine now. My partner suggested I do a tea blending course so I've been looking them up and watching youtube videos on tea. It's relaxing. It's making me wish I could get a job at T2 or some other teashop.

 

 

I can't really tell if he has a mental illness or not. He has a few signs of things but they could just be personality traits and I don't want to go around pointing at people saying they've got a mental illness just because they have weird sleeping habits (for example). I agree. I don't really understand what it's like to live with autism and Asperger's but I respect that it's an illness just like cancer or bipolar. They have symptoms they have to live with and are just as worthy as anyone else. I actually live with my uncle so sometimes I see him and talk to him often. He's not all bad. It's just when you get him on certain topics he thinks he knows everything. He accepts that he's been proven wrong but it's more of a game to him. It doesn't change his opinion and he conveniently forgets the argument so next time you have the conversation with him he makes the same argument.

 

I don't mind stereotypes or grouping people. They can give a sense of belonging and help us understand people at a superficial level. It's when someone is too attached to a stereotype and cannot see the individuals, it assumes negative things about a group or it is used in a negative way that I get annoyed. Take hijabs for example (since we're talking about them). My uncle sees one and immediately thinks of male oppression. He then goes on a rant about how he saw a Muslim woman walking three steps behind a man and how men of that faith are wife-beaters that force their women to remain covered. He reads and watches youtube videos about ethic riots but ignores reports like "Muslim charity groups send 33 tonnes of hay to struggling farmers".

 

I personally think the hijab is very beautiful and feminine. I respect any women in Australia who is brave and devout enough to wear one. They shouldn't have to be brave though. It should be accepted that she feels more comfortable wearing that. Heck, if I went to a country that wore a lioncloth, I'd want people to respect my right to wear a dress instead. It's the same thing. I'd feel exposed if my titties were showing, just as they might feel exposed if their hair and shoulders were showing. It's part of their culture and beliefs. Everybody should be allowed to wear what they want, so long as it isn't attacking another group or harming anyone. Religious symbols hurt nobody.

 

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There's nothing to apologize for! Listen if I put my opinions out here it means everyone has the right to address what I said (not to mention you're actually agreeing with me). And beside (if that wasn't clear by now) I love talking, so you're good XD

 

Also I agree that a laptop is much easier than a mobile. I think we only truly understand how used to certain technologies we are (may I even say dependent on them?) when we don't have them ^^"

 

-------

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There's such a thing as a tea blending course? That sounds awesome! (Kinda like bartending but for people who are lightweights... like me ^^").

 

And I know we were talking about a serious subject but your loin cloth example cracked me up XD

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Tea is not for the faint of heart! It is all about tradition, flavour and... hmmm... those who don't like coffee.

 

LOL, all good. Glad you enjoyed ^.^

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