Life is Beautiful (GaoTao + BunBun)

[BunBunTheCatSnake]

 

Name: Collin Valentine

 

Age: 24

 

Height: 5'6

 

Distinguishing Features:

*Scars on both of his wrists

*Light freckles on his cheeks

 

Likes:

*The smell of rain

*Old goth bands like the Cure, Bauhaus, and Joy Division... also secretly enjoys folk punk.

*Cheesy horror flicks

*Watching the sunrise

 

Dislikes:

*Basically everything about himself.

*Pop music

*Small dogs

*The heat

 

 

The room smelled of cigarettes, coffee, and self loathing. Everyone took turns speaking about their mental health, how they tried to commit suicide, and even why living was the best thing that could have happened for them. Everyone in the room seemed so inspired to live, and they seemed so into what everyone else was saying; however, Collin was a different case. Being in the small room only made him hate everything more. He sank in his seat, and brought his sweater further up onto his wrists. He squirmed in his seat, his eyes flashing over towards the barred clock on the wall... only ten more minuets, and he could go home! "Collin," Said the meeting moderator Alvin, in that typical counselor voice. "You've been coming here for the past two weeks... do you have anything to say?"

 

Collin squirmed in his seat, his stomach dropping. He could feel everyone's eyes on him, and it made him sick. They were probably thinking that his hair was a mess, or that he was moving too much. Maybe they thought he was faking it? Collin swallowed and shook his head, "no. I have nothing to say." He said, trying to sink into his chair in hopes that helooke might just disappear. Alvin looked at Collin sadly and looked down at his paperwork. "You haven't said a word since you started coming here. You can't get better if you can't open up."

 

Collin was starting to get frustrated at this point. "You know Alvin, ever since I tried to kill myself all I've heard is people trying to tell me how to live. Give me a fucking break." Collin snapped, before he pulled his sleeves up once again and crossed his arms. Alvin sighed again before he turned to the group and smiled. "Okay guys, you can go. Be safe out there, and remember that you can call me at anytime."

 

Collin got up ans gathered his things quickly. He needed a smoke.

[GaoTao]

 

 

Name: Liam Nowak

 

Age: 23

 

Height: 5'10

 

Distinguishing Features:

*Bruise around his neck

*Scaring from wrist to forearm on left arm

 

Likes:

*Curling up and listening to music, mostly classical. Guilty pleasure being girly pop music

*Drawing

*Spring

*Going out doing anything

 

Dislikes:

*Closed spaces

*When he falls back into depression

*Bugs

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The room still seemed the same no matter how many times you come; small, somewhat stuffy, usually either one new person or one original person no longer coming. Never happening at the same time. But,even if the smoke in the air was suffocating at best, there was a flicker of hope amongst the people here. All aiming for the same thing; to find meaning in life again. To live again and make something of this world, focus on the positive instead of the negative. Well, all except for the newest addition to the group. Liam hasn't seen him around before until two weeks ago, though, he can kind of deduce that the guy would rather not be here. Which was the same for him. The reminder made Liam graze the tips of his fingers towards his throat.

 

The guy, Collin(?), has been here for a while now, and it seems with every meeting he pulls more and more away. It's alarming to Liam, it's like the guy doesn't care if he tries again, if he actually dies. Granted, he could be paranoid. Okay, he is paranoid, with a dash of anxiety and depression but that's besides the point. These meetings weren't working for the new guy, and well, everyone deserves to live. A motto Liam never thought he would believe so whole heartedly. When Alvin called out to Collin, everyone including him looked over at the new guy. Wondering if today is the day he'll open up, maybe some progress. A small flicker of silent hope, maybe.

 

Liam let out a silent huff; seems like Collin( so he did get the name right) is still silent. Again. This isn't good; Liam and everyone else did come here to get better themselves, however, he also believes that they all can get better by pulling each other up. He doesn't want to leave the other behind. But, how in the hell is he suppose to approach him? The guy seems to dash at the first sign of the meeting ending every time. Maybe he could catch him before he can leave? But what if that makes Collin feel trapped? Liam took in deep breaths, closing his eyes briefly as his heart began to pound. Fingers scratching at the skin of his neck.

 

He needs to calm down, it won't do him any good to panic over something that didn't even happen.

 

Liam jolted and snapped his eyes back at the outburst from Collin, eyes wide. That's not good. Alvin just seemed exhausted from the stubbornness of the other, dismissing the meeting with a kind smile. Okay, Liam gulped, gathering his messenger and hunching a bit into himself, it's now or never. With nerves alighting his frame, he rushed over towards Collin with wide steps. Stopping in front of the other. Okay, now what? He didn't think he would actually do it! God, he's probably standing here staring like an idiot! Speak!

 

Opening and closing his mouth a few times, Liam rushed out, voice a bit too loud; "Hey!" Damn it! Was he too loud? He cleared his throat, thoughts racing. God what the hell is wrong with you? Can't even say a simple hello, pathetic..

 

"You're Collin, right?"This time, Liam lowered his voice too less of an alarming scream. He gave the other a small smile, fingers twitching to scratch at his neck again.

[BunBunTheCatSnake]

Collin grabbed his jacket too lazy to put it on, so he clutched it tight in his hands. He reached into his back pants pocket ad turned on his heels, almost ramming into another one of the people in the group. Collin wanted to say his name was Liam, but he wasn't too sure; not only did he refuse to participate, but he also didn't pay attention too much. Instead of names Collin gave everyone nasty little nick names, though Collin didn't think of one for Liam just yet. He just opened his mouth and closed it, which only confused Collin. He looked at the taller male with an unsure expression, his hand pulling down his sweater sleeve. He just realized he had been pulling the sleeves up, and became very conscious of his scars. Did anyone see them? They had to have... The rather loud hey snapped Collin out of his consciousness, and he looked at the strange man with wide eyes that strongly resembled a deer in headlights. "Um..." He said taking a step to walk away, but Liam started to talk in a softer less anxiety inducing voice.

 

"Yeah..." Collin said, looking around the room. Did someone set him up? Why was he talking to him? "You're Liam, right?" He asked, pulling down his sleeve awkwardly. He looked down at the ground, unable to make eye contact. The need to run away was only growing the longer he stayed in one place - he needed out of here as soon as humanly possible. The people annoyed him, especially Alvin and Prayer-Chick. Though Liam wasn't as intolerable than the rest... he seemed like an awkward dork, and Collin could honestly relate. "Do you want to take this outside? It's stuffy in here." Collin said, looking up at Liam just a little before his gaze retreated back to the floor.

[GaoTao]

Liam was more than sure that he startled Collin; considering he basically looms almost everyone thanks to his height. He knew this was a bad idea! He's not good at making friends, unless that person is approaching him. Even then, Liam still messes that up! He swallowed, a quick cold chill of guilt pulling at him at how alarmed the new guy was. Going so far as taking a step back away from Liam. You're scaring him; good job. Scratching a bit at his neck, he answered in somewhat of a wavering voice; "Y-yeah. That's me, Liam." Jesus Christ on a pogostick what is wrong with him? Liam's heart began to pound intensely against his rib cage as the silence between them stretched on.

 

This was a mistake; a bad choice in trying to help someone, who doesn't seem to want any help to begin with, mind you. However, Liam doesn't want to leave the guy behind while the rest of them attempt to get better. Disregarding if the pace was slow, it's progress nevertheless. Looking around- for an escape, for an excuse, anything really- he jumped when Collin talked to him again. Holy crap that actually worked? No, he actually wants to talk longer with him? Liam chocked on his tongue, covering it up with a cough. "Y-yeah, of course!" He smiled shyly. "Um, do you just want to go talk outside or...," he trailed off for a second. "Maybe a certain place?"

 

'A certain place?' That's it, he's never coming back out of his house for the next couple of weeks after this. This is last meeting, last sight of other human beings. Hello hermit life, good bye social life that never actually existed.

 

Liam glanced to his right and noticed that Alvin kept glancing over at them, expression unreadable though intense. He scratched at his throat a bit rougher.

[BunBunTheCatSnake]

Collin couldn't help but smile just a little at Liam's awkwardness. It wasn't funny, but he thought it had some sort of weird charm. "A certain place?" He repeated, tugging at his sleeve. He looked over in thought before he shrugged. It was six, so there was a dinner rush about anywhere... so dinner was out. Crowded areas never did Collin any good, and judging by the few minuets he spoke to Liam, he probably didn't enjoy them much either. His eyes flashed over to Alvin, qnd his stomach churned and his face grew disgusted. If there was one thing he knew, he needed away from Alvin.

 

"Do you want to get some... pie?" Collin said, asking the first thing that came to mind. There was a tiny diner near by that didn't get too busy. Collin stuffed his hands into the little middle pocket of his sweater, his eyes still looking down at the ground. Liam probably didn't want to eat with him... He was probably just talking to him because he was the odd duck out. "Or... if not that's okay too." Collin quickly added, rubbing his feet together awkwardly. Collin didn't really have friends; he had his sister, and that was about it. Anytime he did get friends they never did him any good. Liam seemed like a nice guy though. Maybe now Lily would get off his ass about meeting people. He knew she was just worried, but he was a grown man. Granted he's made bad decisions, but he was trying to get better... he was trying.

[GaoTao]

Liam was starting to doubt that his plan was perfectly executed, or a good plan to begin with. He just wanted to help Collin out, but instead, he's kind of (he really is) scaring the guy. Was it because of the way he approached him? Maybe if he just slowly walked away and pretend this never happened? No, no that won't work because they'll only see each other at the next meeting and Liam would not be able to deal. He could always run away to Poland, change is name to Bill and grow a farm. Living his days out in blissful solitude and off the fat of the land. But then his cousin Tyler would hunt him down and drag his ass back to the states after thoroughly kicking it. Damn it he can't win with either choice! Liam curled into himself a bit more, trying to come off as less of a threat despite his looming height. Nodding quickly when questioned about "a certain place". This, this is exactly why he doesn't have any friends. All he needs is his small ankle biter Coco and no one else.

 

Who the hell is he trying to lie to?

 

Wait, Liam looked up at the new guy abruptly, halting his scratching, he wants to hang out? With him? And have pie? Okay, he's panicking a little(a lot), how is this working? He's so painfully awkward and the embodiment of anxiety yet Collin is all on board with this? "N-no!" He added quickly, waving his hands about as he tried to sound reassuring. "Pie sounds....pie-y?" Liam is going to bury himself alive in his own backyard; "pie-y"? What the hell is "pie-y"?! Liam quickly looked away, he could feel his face heating up from mortification. Jesus, every God he knows, just take away his ability to speak.

 

"I mean," Liam's voice grew smaller. "I.... would love to have some...pie?"

[BunBunTheCatSnake]

A little chuckle escaped his lips, and he half way looked up at Liam before looking back to the side. "Yeah, I guess it does sound a little pie-y." Collin looked back over to Alvin who continued to stare. It was only a matter of time before he walked on over, and tried to talk to them. Collin could only handle so much conversation, until he wanted to barcade his bedroom door. "Then let's get to it." Collin said as he slipped on hos jacket, and slipped a cigarette in between his lips.

 

Did Liam mind smoke? Maybe he should hold off? Maybe offer him one. Once they made it outside, he offered Liam the paper box, "do you want a smoke? Do you mind if I do?" Collin asked, his grey eyes looking anywhere but Liam's eyes. His heart began to beat at a rapid rate when he was alone outside with Liam. What was he thinking? What if... No, no... Liam seemed like a nice guy. But they seemed nice at first too, said a voice in the back of his head. No... no. Collin needed this. He needed a friend so his sister wouldn't worry as much. His hands started to visibly shake, so he stuffed them in his pocket to hide them. "Sorry, my hands were getting cold." He said, obviously lying.

[GaoTao]

He's never heard Collin laugh before, or really talk much all together, however, it's a nice sound. One that he could see himself getting use to hearing. Liam smiled a bit at the chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck. Though, he winced at the action; he must've scratched a bit too hard today. Which isn't helping the bruising at all, only adding more dark marks and red scratches. He's not as conscious about it as when it was first so aggressively evident, but, he can't help but to occasionally pull his chin towards his chest or rest his hands against his abused neck to hide the markings. However, he still wears long sleeves. Liam refuses to wear anything but. "Yeah," he cleared his throat, blush turning a darker shade as his feelings went from concern from his own inability of socializing towards his own shyness. Okay, so they're going to hangout; Liam did not plan this at all but he'll gladly pat himself on the back for achieving it. Good job, him. But, how the hell is he going to go through more small talk? It's dumb luck that Liam even made it through the small introduction, and he has no fate that such luck is going to last throughout the rest of the day.

 

The outside air was a bit chilled, shaking Liam to the point that he couldn't wait until was spring. More colorful and less biting than whatever the weather was doing right now. He looked over at his friend(?), Collin smoked? Liam jumped at the offer of the box of the cancer sticks, an all too familiar nauseating feeling coiling inside of him. No, he's just offering, the guy doesn't know. Not even the ones at the meetings know. He swallowed, a shaky huff falling past his lips as his eyes stayed trained on the cigarettes. "No, not much of...a smoker." Drinker? Yeah, he use to be. Heavily so. Which is ultimately why he's here, well, partly why he's here. Looking away, he breathed in the air around them, shaking a tad. "I-It's ok," he mumbled, biting his lip as he tries to regain some of that forced bravado to continue talking to the other. What's the point? They all leave anyway....

 

"So," he started. "What's..umm, you're favorite kind of..pie?" Yup, safe topic. No bad memories resurfacing that was once buried in the therapy room here, nope. What memories? Only the joy of the present, that's what memories.

[BunBunTheCatSnake]

Collin grabbed the cigarette from his mouth and shakily stuffed it into his sweater pocket. He wanted to run, but he wanted to stay, but then there was that part that just didn't care anymore. He felt so numb, so scared, yet so desperate to get help and make some friends. He stayed quiet for a bit, trying to stop trembling. He wasn't in danger... he was safe... The random question about pie made the bad feeling subside for just a bit, and a little smile crossed on his features. "I guess... I really like berry pie..." He said with a shrug. "My sister used to give me some with a tiny bit of french vanilla ice cream." It always tasted like home to Collin. Home... god, he would like to be there right now. But as much as his anxiety was trying to tell him he was bad, there was no way he could be. Some psycho wouldn't use the words pie-y. "How about you?" Collin asked, his eyes shifting over to Liam, before they focused back to the sidewalk.

 

Why did Liam even take the time to talk to him? Wouldn't he be happier at home? Collin wanted to ask, but he felt like it might come off as rude, or that he didn't want to be with him in the first place. While there was that huge part that wanted to run away, a huge part also didn't want to disappoint his sister. Maybe meeting someone who could give him a supportive hug was just what he needed? God... maybe he jumped into this too fast. He swallowed a lump in his throat, and he rubbed his wrist. The group meetings just made Collin worst... maybe a little one on one was just what he needed? He looked over at Liam again, feeling conflicted about everything.

 

The diner came into view, which only sealed Collin's fate. Act cool... He pulled his sleeve down and tried to fake a smile. "This is the best pie in town... and it's never too busy, which is a plus."

[GaoTao]

It felt as if his throat was closing up with the panic that burned through his veins, and unsuccessfully, Liam tried to swallow around it. Seeing cigarettes, top with this situation he put himself in, he's surprised he's making it this far without bolting, to be painfully honest here. Biting his lip, Liam scratched harder at the skin of his neck, eyes trained on the ground as he walked along with Collin. At least that stupid question saved some of the conversation. "I, um, like raspberry," Liam muttered. "With whip cream and caramel flakes." He smiled at the thought, his scratching slowing down a bit;Tyler's mom would bake him his favorite pie every time he came over for a visit. It always made his day better, even the worse ones. Now, she just sends it off with Tyler when he comes to visit, but the frequency of when they come is very limited. Maybe once every couple of months or so. It's odd to Liam, how much everything changed in just a few years. Not once did he think he would be here on his own, or even in therapy. Or with a small spoiled therapy dog.

 

And don't get him started in the fact that he's willingly trying to socialize with someone. That was unheard of from him once upon a time (yesterday). "How, um...," Liam rubbed at his throat, trying to stop his hand from causing more damage. "How do you feel about the..meetings?" Well, there it is. Drop the ball without hesitation. Why not just go all out and say; 'Hey, I've noticed that you're not really responding to the meetings so I'm here to help.' That'll make this less awkward. Jesus, he's making it seem like he's pitying the guy, which is very much not the case at all! Sympathizing, yes, an aggressive feeling of deja vu and empathy, however, no belittling happening here. Liam hopes it doesn't seem that way, prays that it doesn't seem that way.

 

Oh god, what if it does seem that way? How is he suppose to explain himself without digging himself into a deeper hole? Liam tried to stifle the sigh of relief when they got to the diner; it was small, a bit cozy, and from what he could see, not a lot of people were there. Gives him a break away from his rumbled thoughts.

 

Oh thank god, no crowds; he could barley handle one on one with Collin. Liam would die if he embarrassed himself in front of an audience. "Yeah...," He gave Collin a smile as he opened the door, leaving it open to let the other go in before him. He maybe anxiety but he still has manners thank you very much.

[BunBunTheCatSnake]

Collin hurried inside, and stopped a bit of the way to wait for Liam. He was trying to figure out a way he could tell Liam why he hated going to those meetings, without giving out too much information about himself. Collin didn't know Liam well enough to give him a step-by-step breakdown on why he hated those meetings, and almost every single person in that room. He looked at his feet, only looking up when a cute waitress with curly red hair pulled back in a sloppy bun appeared holding menus. "Oh, Collin. Just you today?" She asked with a pearly white smile. Collin shook his head, "no. Two..." He said shortly. Collin wasn't much of a talker, and the waitresses came to respect that about him. "Will do!" She said in a chipper voice, "follow me!" The waitress let them to a small table, secluded by everyone in the diner. It seemed a lot less noisy in their little corner.

 

"Okay! Well I'll come back to check on you guys in a bit." She said as she sat down the menus and almost skipped away. Collin watched her leave, before he looked at the menu. "So... about your question from earlier." Collin said, looking up at Liam. "I've been to group meetings before... for different reasons. The people there are miserable and they form little cliques that should have died in high school... besides, my life is my life. I don't want a group of strangers hearing why I tried to kill myself." He sighed and looked out of the window besides them. "At this point I'm not going to try again... This isn't my first time at attempting, and I don't want to put my sister through it. The only reason I even go is for her." Collin didn't do it for himself, he did it for her. Sure, it would be nice not to feel so numb inside but he was scared about losing it as well.

 

He leaned forward in his seat, and crossed his arms on the table so he could lay his head against his bony arms. "Is that why you stopped me?" Collin said without looking at him. It flattered Collin that Liam noticed him during the meetings... but I guess it was hard when it was a small group of people that got to see each other a few times a week.

[GaoTao]

The chipper waitress threw Liam for a loop, however, it wasn't unwanted at all. The lady seemed nice, reminding him a bit of his aunt. Giving him a bittersweet warmth in the pit of his stomach. Smiling kindly at the waitress, Liam followed along without pause. It cooled down his anxiety a tad, but it did nothing to stop the worry. God, maybe he shouldn't have asked that straight out. Putting Collin on the spot like that is not a way for them to become friends. If anything, he's surprise they got this far without the other just throwing his hands up in the air and just leaving him here in this strange diner. At least he'll have the pie with him, until he talks the pie into leaving him too.

 

Sitting down, Liam worried his lip with his teeth. Scratching at his neck as they were left alone with the menus. He hopes that he didn't ruin this by asking such a personal question; Liam grabbed the menu on his side of the booth, covering his face as concern ate away at him like rapidly moving decay. However, he wasn't ready for Collin to open up to him about why. Damn, how is he suppose to explain himself? He hunched more behind the menu; "Well....I...," he gulped. "Yeah." Should he just tell him exactly why? Well, friendship can't really start without some honesty, right? Honestly Liam doesn't even know how friendships start but it seems like a good place.

 

"You...remind me of when I first started going to the meetings. I thought that maybe-" Liam paused. "You might want a friend? I mean, I...you don't have to if you don't want..to..," Voice trailing off, Liam wanted nothing more than for lightening to come and strike this very diner to save himself the embarrassment. This is getting worse and worse and he wants to know why Collin is even still here. "Just, it's better to stand together..than to fall alone."

[BunBunTheCatSnake]

Collin looked up at Liam, from his menu as he talked, his chin slowly raising to face him before he looked back down at the menu. A small little smile crossed his face when Liam asked him to be his friend, and in the first time in a while a little spark ignited. He couldn't help but be drawn to this shy dork, and he actually seemed sincere about his words. "Okay..." he said, looking back at him with a slight smile. "It's been a long while since I've had a friend, it might do me good." He said, his fingers running across the laminated corners of the menu. He pressed his lips together, before he started to talk again. "It took a lot of courage to talk to me back there, and even more to follow me to this diner... so... thank you." He said, rubbing his wrists awkwardly. Was that too straight forward? Should he have dialed it back? Was this how one initiated friendship?

 

 

The waitress came back with a small notepad, and the same smile. "Okay darlings, are you ready to order?" She asked, her eyes darting back and forth between Collin and Liam. Collin looked at Liam, a little thankful that the waitress came when she did. "Can I get... the usual." Collin said, before he looked back down at the table. "Sure thing, sugar." She said as he jotted down Collin's order, before she looked over at Liam. "Are you set? Can I get you anything to drink at all?" She asked, looking at him patiently.

[GaoTao]

Liam couldn't help the hitch of breath at the answer he was given; was making friends suppose to be this easy? It seemed like it was all too good to be true, and he was expecting with high alert for the punchline to come. However, he decided to cling to the hope despite the doubt knawing at him. Smiling to himself, Liam hunched more behind the thin line of defense to hide how red his face has become. God, he's been blushing so much lately. "Oh...it's nothing," he muttered, biting his lip. It feels so weird, this warm feeling coiling tightly within itself in his chest. His heart beat quickening as if with the threats of an anxiety attack and yet he had no fear. Liam swung his feet back and forth, he just knows he looks like some giddy child who got to have candy before dinner. Yet, he couldn't find it within himself to care about if people noticed or not, which is a new experience for him to be honest.

 

Liam jerked when the waitress came back, dropping the menu and letting the world see his flustered face. Okay he may of lied, he cares a lot if someone saw this seemingly permanent flush on his cheeks. Especially if that someone was Collin, actually, only Collin can't see. But damn it, he can! Trying to hurry this along, pulling his shirt up to hide some of the red color of his cheeks, Liam rushed out; "Oh! Raspberry pie..please?" He quickly scanned the fallen menu. "And...milk?" He doubts they put caramel on their pies so there's no need to even ask.

[BunBunTheCatSnake]

Collin couldn't help but smile when he saw Liam's flushed face, though he turned his face back towards the waitress before he could see it. The waitress giggled when he said milk and nodded her head as she wrote down the order, and took the menus. "I like your little friend, Collin. I usually see you and your sister in here, so it's refreshing to see you with someone else." She said happily, holding the menus to her chest. "Your pies will be out in a sec, and don't hesitate to ask if you need anything." She said with a wink, before she walked away. Collin shook his head and sighed, before he looked back at Liam. His shyness was a little cute, though it also made his mind wonder to something much darker. What made him this way? They were both going to the meetings for the same reasons, and it was always some sort of fucked up domino effect that led to it all.

 

Collin held his elbows, his eyes flashing up at Liam. He wanted to ask about his private life, but it was too early for that. Shit... what was a good conversation starter? It's been so long since he did anything like this... He gnawed at his bottom lip, trying to think of something, anything. "My sister used to work here," Collin blurted out randomly, immediately hating himself. "We're pretty close to the owners, so I get really cheap pie here all the time. I have a bit of a sweet tooth, so it gets a bit dangerous." Collin said with a tiny smile, "what's your favorite place in town? Maybe we can... go there sometime?"