Rock Bottom (Noise Prince and Zombie)

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

 

 

Name: Travis Black

Age: 21

Personality: On the outside, he's your stereotypical rocker - a bit rude, wild, outgoing and always ready to party. Inside? Inside he's still the calm little boy his mother claims to miss. He didn't actually want to end up being in a rock band, he didn't want to get hooked on drugs and alcohol, but how could he avoid that? All of his friends were doing it. And he was known for his guitar skills, so he was pulled inside. At first, it was supposed to just be him playing for them, and that would be it - just business. Then, little by little, he had to change his image, change his habits... So young, and he was already regretting a big part of his life. Depression came along with his drug abuse, which only brought depression further on. It was astonishing how quickly one could ruin their life.

 

 

 

Cold hands rubbed against each other, a breath coming out as a cloud of mist. He never particularly enjoyed the cold. These days, it seemed to make his bones ache. Nothing was really the same. His body was tired and weak, of course even such things as winter affected him greatly. And for what? For his fifteen minutes of fame? For a good party? He tried to convince himself these were the only reasons, that dropping everything - the drugs, the alcohol - that it would be nothing but in reality...

 

By trying to erase this part of his life, Travis was supposed to cut ties with the bigger part of his life. He was sure none of his friends would want to be with him if he didn't do drugs with them. His eyes watered as he looked up at the building in front of him. He really wasn't sure how to go on with his life when he had lost everything he had. He didn't even know where he would live. He doubted his parents would trust him enough yet to take him back and he certainly didn't know anyone in his friend circle who would take him in and not enable his addictions.

 

Well... Guess that was why he was here. To figure out where to put the pieces. Swallowing a lump in his throat, Travis reached out and opened the door, slowly stepping inside. Dread washed over him as he saw the circle of chairs, his heart beginning to beat faster and faster. Oh... He wasn't ready for this. But would he ever be? It was either this or destroying all of the work he had put in so far. Going through with treatments at the rehabilitation center, working with a therapist, all of that. He already came so far, it would be a shame to drop it.

 

"Hey..." Travis muttered, taking a seat by the wall, his gaze glued to the wooden floor. His long black hair fell over his face a bit, hands stuffed into the pockets of his black hoodie. Everything about him screamed how scared he was - and how he tried to hide, defend himself. He just didn't want to talk today. He just... Wanted to see how it was. Probably. Maybe. He didn't know what he wanted. This was just something he felt like he had to do.

[Noise Prince]

 

 

Name: Ashley Ryder

Age: 20

Personality: A college student with a bit of a 'I'm going to change the world' complex, he tends to overwork himself on things he thinks might make a difference and make the world a better place. He believes in the value of small things making a difference, but expects more from himself, which can lead to frequent burnouts. He's a hard worker who doesn't know when to take breaks. He comes from a conservative background, and has had to unlearn a lot since entering university. He still has a pretty good relationship with his family, though he feels that may be in jeopardy now that he's starting to acknowledge that he may have feelings for other men.

 

 

 

Despite enjoying cold weather quite a bit, Ashley was significantly bundled up. Part of what he liked about the cold was how cozy being warm was. Otherwise, warmth was either a hindrance or a consequence of the weather, and to be taken for granted. It was harder to justify drinking hot chocolate in warmer weather, for instance. He knew he could have it whenever he wanted, but it felt like something special if it was actually keeping you warm.

 

He was in a good mood. Not just because the weather had finally turned cold, but because he was on his way to his volunteer job- something he really loved. He really believed in the work at this rehabilitation center, even if he was doing it for class credit. He had always been the type to volunteer, though a place like this wouldn't have been his first choice. But in the line of work he was pursuing, it was better to get the experience now.

 

Ashley walked inside, and took off his gloves, shoving them into one pocket, and unwrapping his scarf from around his face, letting it hang loose on his shoulders. It was a little more excessive than most others were dressing for the weather, but he didn't pay that much mind. He looked around the room, ever growing more familiar each time he came. He signed in, and put his name tag onto his jacket.

 

There were already a few people in there, gathering awkwardly for the anonymous meeting. He recognized a few people, though he hadn't really done much in the way of conversations, since those meetings weren't really in the jurisdiction of the volunteers, except to help set up- for the earlier shift- or to set up snacks, or clean up. Little things. There was staff- real staff- there to help lead everyone, who was also a recovered addict, though. She was really nice, and was super passionate about recovery. Ashley was intrigued by her since she wasn't religious, and he had always heard that God was a motivating factor in a lot of people's recovery.

 

There weren't as many young people as Ash first expected, either. He had this image in his head of young homeless people using money for drugs instead of food, just for the brief escape. There were a few homeless people, of course, and a few young people, but the narrative was a lot more diverse than he expected. There was a particular person, one Ashley didn't recognize, who also seemed young. Just because he didn't recognize him didn't necessarily mean he was new. But Ashley felt he would have noticed him the first time. There weren't that many people here who were that good looking.

 

One of the most surprising things about working there was how normal everyone seemed. And looked. And lived. So it wasn't that just being a bit more cleaned up and orderly wasn't enough to stand out. This man was actually a bona-fide looker.

 

Which was normal. To think. It wasn't weird to notice an attractive person. It was also pretty normal for the man to look so reserved and guarded during his first meeting, even if it hadn't started. Ashley kind of wanted to talk to him. Not because he was good looking, though that was normal, probably, but just... something about him had this magnetism.

 

 

I'm so sorry for taking so long! I had my birthday a few days after finals so there's been quite a bit of plans being executed that kept me busy.

 

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Travis took a while to find enough courage to lift his gaze up from the floor to observe the people who were coming in. He wouldn't look them in the eyes - just skim over their face, their clothes, their posture. In a sense, he was looking for comfort in them. To see someone like him. To see someone who was just as scared, just as uncertain, who felt just as cornered as he did. He saw some people look defeated, so beaten by the world, he couldn't understand how their feet still carried them into this room. He saw others who seemed to be nearing a place of happiness, some even talking among each other. He did take notice of a couple who seemed defensive, which brought a stone off of his heart. At least he wasn't alone feeling like that.

 

And thus, it started. The participants sat in a circle of chairs. The woman leading the meeting didn't sit separately, or in the middle - she sat on one of the chairs as well. It was most likely to make them feel equal. "Shall we begin?" Her voice, sounding through the room, effectively shut off any left whispers, any started talks, leaving just silence. Travis felt himself tensing up. "We have a new participant today. If you don't mind, I'll go over our program once more. Who doesn't want to listen, feel free to distract yourself with something, as long as you don't disturb the ones listening." She smiled, looking over the people. "My name is Sarah, I've been through the same thing that you are going through. As many of you, I also tried the AA, but I wanted more control over what is happening, so I turned to SMART, which is where we all are now. We have a four-step program. Some of you are only starting, some of you are mid-way, and some are already near the finish line. The reason we don't separate you is because you can benefit from one another, share experience, draw support."

 

Travis looked up, briefly meeting the leader's gaze, causing his own to dart down to the floor almost instantly, his hair falling over his face during the motion. Seemingly not phased, the woman continued in a calm voice, directing her attention to others. "The first step is building and maintaining motivation. You have to understand why you're doing this, and hold on to that reason. The second step is coping with urges. Just because you get an urge to use again doesn't mean you've failed. Even if you give in, you haven't failed yet. I will try to make you understand why. The third step, managing thoughts, feelings and behavior, is when you will actually feel the change hit you. And finally, our last step will be living a balanced life. This step lasts for the rest of your life, it should become a routine. Everyone is capable of getting here. Believe me." She smiled fondly, leaning back against the chair.

 

After the explanation, came their discussion. Before starting, the woman asked if there was anyone who didn't want to talk today. Travis raised his hand, to which Sarah just nodded, doing the same to a couple of others who had also raised their hands. "It's okay not to talk, remember. This isn't meant to be forced on you. When you feel ready, then you talk." She reassured them, and Travis exhaled in slight relief. This was, overall, a very accepting environment it seemed. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

 

An hour later, it was time for a break. During the meeting, Travis did feel like someone had their eyes on him - that made him feel uncomfortable, to say the least, especially because he couldn't exactly tell who it was. The man stood from his chair, going towards the table where he saw a kettle. Of course, he stood up only after a few others had, mainly because he didn't want to draw attention to himself. Looking around briefly, his eyes caught on a pair of light brown, almost yellow pair of eyes following him. The eye contact was brief as Travis nearly instantaneously pulled his gaze away, his steps faltering a bit as he made way to the table, pouring himself some tea with shaky hands. It was one of the volunteers who was observing him so closely. What did he want? Did they know each other from school or something? What was it?

 

He felt a hand on his shoulder, nearly jumping in surprise. "Oh- sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." Sarah's voice reached his ears, his heart beginning to calm down. "No, no, it was just... Unexpected." Travis muttered, managing a slight smile. "How do you feel? I know you don't want to talk, but just... Since this is your first time, I just want to make sure you don't feel bad here. You can always tell me if something's wrong." Travis looked to the side, swallowing down as his fingers clenched his cup. "It's... Odd. I don't know yet. I don't think I can name how I feel yet." He murmured, breathing in slowly as a means to calm himself down. "That's alright. If you ever want to talk, you know what I look like." The woman chuckled before stepping away. Travis was kind of thankful. He wasn't sure he could exactly communicate with anyone just yet. The man leaned back against the wall, slowly sipping his drink as he looked over the room. Maybe at some point he would feel at peace here. That really would be a nice change.

[Noise Prince]

Ashley was always curious about how the meetings went, but lurking was pretty frowned upon. There was no way to be subtle about it, and it was always obvious, and someone was bound to feel uncomfortable in the circle. He'd never had to be shooed off by real staff, but he'd heard that they've had to do that with some nosy volunteers before. So he spent most of the time after the set up in the staff lounge, which operated as a workspace for the volunteers, as there wasn't enough room for the number of volunteers now that the local state college had a tie-in program with them. So the desk areas for volunteers were devoted to non-students- or at least those that weren't there for college credit.

 

It was usually pretty quiet, peppered with a few lighthearted conversations before dedication took hold and they returned to the papers. Or the occasional heavy, personal talk that could go on for a bit longer. After all, when they were all borderline social workers, it didn't really feel necessary to keep too many problems a secret among them. He was surprised by the level of openness found here. There were things he wouldn't share with his bible group that he felt he could share here. Not that he had shared himself, yet. But he felt he could. He felt this was somewhere he could trust people.

 

The paperwork didn't seem that related to their coursework, mainly organizing and inventory- stuff that would probably have to be double-checked later, anyway. Every week or so, they'd actually do some active work in the office space, but that wasn't today. There were three other students, two from his lecture class, silently hunched over with pens carefully going over inventory notes.

 

Ashley was slower than usual today. He felt a bit more of the urge to know what was going on in the meeting outside the door. He wondered what it was like to sit in a plastic chair in a circle, looking at others with different lives, with different stages in recovery, whether he could tell by their appearances, what it must be like to be there for the first time, facing what could be months, and years, of fighting the need to use, to chase a high. To listen to Sarah's motivations. To be inspired to make his life better like that. He wondered if he could ever understand that.

 

He remembered that new boy. The young one, with the serious expression. He wondered if it was his first time at a meeting like this. What was he experiencing here, right now?

 

He heard a bit of scuffling through the walls, and that was enough to alert the others. Usually, during break, they went to refresh a few things- food items that needed to stay refrigerated so was only out when the meeting wasn't in session- and more ice for the drinks. Maybe clean up a little, though that wasn't usually needed. So they all got up, even though it was really a one or two person job. It was good just to get up and stretch. Ashley got one of the refrigerated platters out and set it back out onto its place on the table. Someone refilled water in the electric kettle for the tea drinkers.

 

His gaze had found the 'stranger' again, just as he was going to walk around and look for trash around the room. Their eyes met briefly, but the other was more interested in the snacks. Ashley watched as he prepared some tea. It wasn't usually people their age drinking tea, he thought to himself. He felt he was fixated on his age. It wasn't like that was the only thing he was interested in, right? It was... it was definitely weird to think being close in age was enough of a reason to talk to someone, wasn't it? But what could he say?

 

Sarah approached the long-haired man instead, and Ashley pulled his attention away and back to the task at hand. After that, he just headed back to the work room, losing his nerve. What would he have even said, anyway? What would justify taking away his break, a time to recollect his thoughts, even if he did?

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

Hearing everyone speak about their experiences genuinely helped Travis to feel a bit better about his own situation. He heard people talking about things that he was feeling and doing now - and they got better. So he should get better too. He couldn't be that much different from everyone, no matter how much he liked thinking of himself as the only one, irreplaceable, a completely original human being. The general rules still had to apply to him, too. He would maybe find his own way of reaching the place he saw others be in, but he would get there. Eventually. The point was not to rush himself... And somehow avoid hating himself if he slipped.

 

The meeting came to an end. Travis stood from his chair, bashfully glancing around himself. He... Somewhat wanted to strike up a conversation with someone. Maybe get on a more personal level. Yet, to say that he wasn't sure how was an understatement. And he had no idea with whom he wanted to talk to. So... He decided to just get himself another cup of tea in hopes that someone would come for a snack too and maybe he could talk to someone. No one did. Which, of course, made him feel a bit off. He placed the plastic cup down as he threw on his jacket, shuffling around a bit while putting on his bag. After pulling on his fingerless gloves, the man grabbed his cup again, turning to walk out. He wasn't looking forward to leaving, if he was honest. Mostly because he wasn't sure where to go. Guess he'd find a motel to stay in for now... Or something like that.

 

The thought that he didn't actually have a place he could call home hit him like a ton of bricks. Tears welled up in his eyes, fingers tightening slightly around the cup, almost enough to make the tea spill over. It was that period of life where realizations such as this one came suddenly, crashing over him like a giant wave. He could do nothing other than let it wash over him, sometimes causing him to fall. He wasn't strong enough to withstand the force life was hitting him with over and over again. Despite the tears in his eyes, Travis turned to the door, hurriedly stepping towards them - only to bump into one of the volunteers. His tea went all over the floor, a stray tear running down his cheek as he looked into the same eyes he'd seen during the break.

 

"Sorry, I didn't... I didn't see you." Travis apologized, his voice shaking as he swiped his hand over his cheeks, brushing away the tears. "Sorry." He repeated, leaning down to at least grab his cup and throw it out. His entire body appeared to be shivering, his eyes darting from one place to another. He seemed completely and utterly lost. One question would be enough to push him towards having a breakdown right there and then. Maybe it was what he needed.

[Noise Prince]

Ashley usually didn't mind the repetitive grunt work, and usually found it calming, almost meditative, to carefully sort through things methodically, even while his peers were complaining about how long it was taking. Today there wasn't as much as usual, though, so he wasn't sure why they were complaining. Or maybe he was just really that odd for enjoying it. He wasn't usually that busy, this was his only commitment outside of school, and it didn't take that much time, so he was used to trying to fill his time being productive, or he'd feel antsy and worthless. He wasn't good at sitting down and relaxing, and this forced him to do so.

 

Even if it was less than relaxing today, as that one man was on his mind. Something about him just really stood out. It was a bit unsettling, come to think of it, even though he couldn't think of what could be wrong with being drawn to him. Like, when he was a little kid, it was normal to just see another kid, run up, and ask to be friends, right? Why did that become strange, to be drawn towards someone like that?

 

They were finished before the meeting, though their supervisor asked that they review it- mainly to make sure they didn't disturb the meeting while leaving. Understandable, though they didn't do an awful lot of reviewing, since someone else would be doing that later, anyway. After about fifteen minutes, the meeting ended, and they were permitted to leave, signing out and leaving their name badges.

 

Ashley couldn't help but scan the room for the man he saw earlier, the newbie. What would he even say if he did approach him? 'Want to be friends' wasn't something people would exactly respond to positively, after all. He'd have to bring up some kind of topic casually, and hope to be interesting enough that the guy wanted to continue talking, and maybe hang out. Something like that. That seemed casual and normal.

 

He saw him leaving the snack table, and heading towards the door. Ashley bit his lip. Maybe he was in a hurry, then, if he didn't really hang around to talk to people. What was he going to do if he did want to talk with other people, but just other addicts? Or if he started a conversation with someone else, how could he approach him? Either way, that wasn't the scenario, it seemed the guy was leaving. Well, maybe he could casually leave with him, and they could exchange a few friendly words before leaving, and then it'd be perfectly normal to say hi next time.

 

He slipped his arms into his jacket as he walked, hoping to meet him before the door, but the long haired guy seemed distracted, had a pained expression, and he choked up, and just went for the door. Then he noticed that he had spilled some of the tea, and the responsible volunteer in him sprung up, and he figured he should get a wet paper towel to clean it since he noticed it first, but he had already signed out. But it'd just take a second, even if -

 

His eternal conflict abruptly ended with a physical conflict, and the long haired man ran into him, leaving more tea to whatever volunteer would leap at the chance. He looked up bashfully, and shook his head. Seeing tears on his handsome, strong-looking face, and a shaky, delicate voice, was rather jarring.

 

"No, it's my fault," He blurted suddenly, though that was probably more accurate. He was so distracted he hadn't realized the target of his attention was barreling towards him. "Do... you need any help?"

[Zombie_In_A_Box]

There was a short pause. Well, objectively, it was short, that moment of silence after Travis apologized. A couple of seconds, no more than that. It was amazing to realize how much the mind could do in that short amount of time. Especially the mind of a panicked individual. Those few seconds could be drawn out to feel so much longer. Everything froze up, even his heart seemed to have stopped beating. Travis' eyes caught on the volunteer's, drowning in the light brow, honey-like color. Just for a moment. His lips parted with a slow exhale, tears still shimmering as he tried to swallow the mess in his mind. He knew it was possible to swallow words, was it possible to do the same for thoughts?

 

Those few seconds were enough for him to be able to give the lightest of smiles when he was asked if he needed any help. "More than anyone could give me." He replied, looking down at the now-empty cup, the corners of his lips pulling down. The man turned towards the trash bin, tossing the cup there. All the while he begged his heart to calm down and his thoughts to quiet down. There was only so much he could really hide. Not that he was bad at hiding his feelings - there were just too many of them to successfully hide them all. He could bottle up everything, but at some point the bottle would become too small and everything would just end up shooting out.

 

Travis closed his eyes, breathing out slowly through his noise. "Sorry, I'm..." He paused, teeth clenching for a second. "I don't know. This is a lot." He muttered out, shoving his hands into the pockets of his coat. Once his hands were out of sight, he balled them into fists, feeling how his nails dug into his skin the slightest bit. Most of the force was taken by the gloves he was wearing, but he could still feel his fingernails reaching his skin, denting it just enough to keep him focused. He blinked a couple of times, glancing back up at the man in front of him. "S-Sorry, I'm probably distracting you. Sorry for... Spilling the tea." He muttered, his eyes finding those honey orbs once more. God, he felt so drawn to them. They held so much warmth and peace in them. They were beautiful.

 

"I just... You wouldn't happen to know a cheap place to get a bed, would you?" Travis asked quietly, his lips pulling into a smile tinged with sadness. In that moment he was just a man with no real place in the world. What was he supposed to do? What was a man in a world without any place to call a home? Yes, one could do without a home if they had a person, or an activity that would work instead of a home, but he... He didn't have even that. His main activity was gone along with all of the people he held close. He had nothing. God, he was lost.

 

 

Sorry I'm so late! I honestly couldn't write anything during my exams, this is hard shit D: Still have a couple to go, but the worst is over. Should be more active now, sorry again!

 

[Noise Prince]

Ashley looked at the man before him nervously, looking over his face for a reaction. And there were his eyes, staring straight into his own. They were watery... That's not unexpected, a lot of people cry at these meetings. It's cathartic, part of the process. But still, something about being so close to someone- a stranger- crying felt very strange. Too intimate. It felt like a long silence. But the man, tears and all, replied. Ashley wasn't sure what to say in turn.

 

That didn't seem true. No one here was helpless, that's one of the most important things emphasized to all the volunteers. He thought he was new, and maybe he still felt too jaded, and the first meeting wasn't enough to change his mind about life.

 

"It is a lot," Ashley agreed, a bit relieved for something he felt more confident engaging with. He wasn't really trained in this sort of thing, so he didn't feel he could just jump into counseling a stranger. But agreeing that trying to recover from addiction was often a Herculian task? That was something he could manage on this level.

 

"You're not di- Oh, the tea - you don't need to worry about it." He assured him. "That's why us volunteers are here, after all," Ashley smiled at him and shrugged awkwardly. Was that weird, or come off as too strong? Would he think he was weird?

 

"Uh... well there's a place that's, well, it's not super close to here, it's about a thirty minute bus ride from here," He said, though he wasn't really sure if that was accurate. "It's sort of a motel but it's a bit nicer, and they have leases by the week or month, so by the end of whatever time period, you can just leave. So if you're looking for something temporary and don't know when you'll need to move, I think that's your best bet." He explained. He might not have many resources, but he was familiar with those who did. Ashley also knew quite a few people who've been here have rented places there for recovery after they've been kicked out. The recovery program here was so good some people traveled long distances to come, so maybe they might rent a few months to live here while they recovered, too.

 

"It's called Red Rose Inn, it sounds fancier than it'll look, and kind of hidden with similar looking buildings, so you'll have to keep an eye out for it." Ashley clarified. "But it's close to a grocery store and a community garden, if that's your thing. I've never stayed, but I think it's pretty recently priced, since most of their business comes from people who can't commit to huge financial decisions like longer term leases.

 

"...and I'm rambling about it, s-sorry..." Ashley looked away, and bit his lip a little.

 

 

I'm so sorry for also taking so long @-@ Hopefully I'll be able to reply more steadily from here on out...